From a Dead Man, Greetings.
UPDATE, Status..Whatever: So recently I had some time to actually think about various thoughts, ideas, discussions or debates. Well long story short, having the right attitude and flourishing enthusiasm to understand what the hell others think.. is absolutely tasking but has gained me the most experience for dealing with people and their process of Just that.
Current Obsession :
FOR OXJ: July 21st 2013, The day I felt Like the old days, when me and you would post so much... It triggered a number of thoughts.... You Might think I'm still the same, But the facts are... We are always changing everyday: for better or worse. I miss you. I am curious to see how much you have grown. How much you have changed. I understand my life a bit more ever since our encounter.
*I had a dream that I was with you, everything seemed so weird.. as if it was real*
In this life I have questioned everything. I no longer believe in one thing, but In thousands. I no longer comprehend what reality is.
I know your out there somewhere. I can't let go of these memories. I can't let go of my mistakes.
Its funny.. Everytime I see a couple together I barf *bleh*.... But then When I think if I was with you; just like those two holding hands and looking all happy.. I get a fuzzy feeling.. But of of course it hits me.... I might never know how that feels with you ever.
Thats when my manly tears start to come out.. I tell Myself, I will Live to Be a Gentle Man!! You know? the guy that does the right thing, and in the most random times :b
I turn into some type of child like grown up that spits out wisdom and shouts out blasphemy
The More I communicate to someone else, the more I realize that, I will never be the same. I will only be who I chose to be at that moment, then I'm gone.
I smile and I think of you. Things have changed and so have you.
I keep changing the purpose of my life....
I KEEP CHANGING the PurPose Of ME being Alive.
But If there is a purose for me to be here...
ITS to .. Fucking get you back.
That's the only strength I have to keep going :b Lame isn't it? yeah I'm your slave.. Because every cat needs one, remember?
Oxj If you haven't found someone else then... FUCK THE PAST that I fucked up, lets start our Infinity again!
just kill me ..You bring me to life, and kill me slowly back to death. Burning memories that have scared my heart. Impulsing thoughts that rip out my soul; A act that sheds out my humanity. Living without you, has giving me a reason to Learn from my regrets. Let me die without you, Let me live with you. Right now, Oxj I really wonder how you are, wonder what you feel. This feels.... These feelings,, Why am I still here? Why...
There's not much left to love.
Lets keep in mind that, If your in the forums to:
1. Remember you don't need to care about everything.
2. There are trolls so be aware of your intelligence. xy^2*6
3. No one likes emotions/ oh shit
4. nag nag nag I'm cool
5. Blah blah blah thats the rulez
6. Have fun and don't take everything to serious.
7. Fuck It
When your on my profile:
2. You Know it.
I Am God, or whatever you believe is above you and everything of existence. Or nothing. I'm done.
Too Tired today to hate.
Can you really forget? have you really moved on? Your so strong.. So strong... I'm impressed by how amazing you are.... to be able to just...leave.. Wanna know something funny? everytime.... I remember something between me and you... I twitch and have a extremely fast emotion and it spontaneously goes away... and i'm like Whoa.. Oxj... I want you, even now I find it Fucking hilarious! After all this time... Its crazy how much you really have affected me!! how much you really meant so fucking much to me... okay the moment has passed.. back to my everyday life... without you..
I feel The Empty..
I feel the Minute of decay.
Oxj If you could see how fucked up my mind is... Yeah you would think I was a totally different person, Fuck everything, those memories... fuck me up even more you know? the things we said... Really just twist everything I ever believed in... Us Being Greater than eternity,, how our love couldn't be explained by anything in this universe? how time and distance..or even death could Not separate us??? We were fucking naive... or its what we wished for deep down... and I still wish for that; thats the fucked up part lol...
I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me
I'm on my way down
I'm on my way down now, I'd like to take you with me
I'm not sure... But I know that whatever happens.. I am always... always messing you. Reality.. its so unreal..this desire to want what I have lost.. I keep learning.. and learning.. I no longer want to be a burden.. I keep making mistakes, non the less; I will do what things better. I can't keep myself steady. I always remember our times.. Its as if I can't create those good times anymore.. that's what really tears my heart away.. I haven't cried this much in a long time.. I always try to distract myself.. To keep those memories of you... from making me feel so alone and deprived.. that's why these tears and this heartache are really strong..I'm letting myself remember.. and remember... how much I need you.... OXJ... please tell me you forgive me.. because I'm really sorry.. oxj.. oxj... where are you.. I only want to just keep living knowing that... I won't make the same mistakes. I live... always remembering, I can't make those mistakes again... now that you are gone.. that's my new way of life.. the cat says hi btw.. there will always be your memories in my head. I can't let them go. I can't live without them.. I know that you might not read this... but.... oxj i Know that one day when you do..... You will know that I am still here for you. Whenever you feel lonely.. I'm here thinking of you.. when you are feeling tired.. I'm here hoping for your rest.. When you feel like life is too much... I"m here to tell you, I will support what you want.. oxj
The minute that it's born,
it begins to die.
I see now... I read what we have said.. and I see now that I was a jerk.. completely different... it freaks me out :c I was so negative.. always following my own interests.. always so unsupportive... You always told me you believed in me.. you always complemented me... You always were there for me.. I want to stop and realize... realize how I was and how I am... I don't want to be naive and oversensitive.. Idon't want to act smart.. I don't want to be in denial.. So I accept that you have left me... I accept that You don't want me... I accept That you have your own life.. I need to come to a reality and know that You may never return.. But that doesn't stop me from missing you. Isn't that okay? To miss a old ex girlfriend? can't I keep those secret words in which we communicated? I Accepted my losses but no longer want to lose more or any of your existence that was part of my life.. I can finally move on. Oxj I am very displeased with my self in how I acted towards you.. I promise you that I will not forget what I did to you, and not pass it on to another. I will be the gentleman and Man that you always wanted; for whoever accepts me.. they should be thankful to you.. they should be thankful because... You confronted me in my most naive stage of my life... you make me see who I really was.. Now I can look back to not be that person that pushed you away.. For ever accepts me, the way you accepted me.. I will tell them about you when the time is right...and tell them, that you took all of my bullshit, and even until the end... you were honest with yourself.. and did what was necessary for my growth. I don't see anything wrong with loving you even now.. I don't see anything wrong with what you believe either. I no longer take this life so harshly... I live day by day. Meal by meal. Step by step. Hoping to one day meet the one I can finally show... How much I have learned and listen to what they know and how they feel... I will listen and not forget that they have feelings.. They have a dream... and maybe... just maybe I could tell you... how much I owe you.. I owe you so much.. For being a greater teacher than any teacher I have learned from..I owe you for being a great girl friend.. for being the role model to commit and know when to quite.. even when It hurts others... its better to feel the pain and learn to be happier.. than to stay with the pain and not be happy... I sincerely hope.. that you are happy with whoever you choose.. I know You have necessity's that only a man can provide. I accept that we won't be one. But you will always be someone I highly respect and admire. For changing my life, I give you many thanks and hope one day I can repay this debt. Be safe. Be strong. Keep being honest. Keep being who you are. and who are is very kind, humble, beautiful, honest, respectful, heartwarming, tender, truthful, encouraging, and most of all.. One of the best people/friend/anything I have ever met. OXJ you live on in my heart, and always will be in my memories.. OXJ... I won't ever stop missing you, but thats okay because, If I ever stop missing you... i will become the same person that pushed you away. So Forever I will miss you, to always be the man you always wanted. I have many words as you know... I have many things I wish to tell you, but those days are gone. Those days are not near, but its okay. I will still live in the same world you live in. I will still gaze at the same moon that you gaze at.. I will still walk among the earth you walk on.. we connected so that I may stay faithful to whoever I must have faith in.. I will be a great support as you showed me is possible. I will make decisions as good as you have taught me... I will not worry as you have told me, Like I said Let me keep that lovely home, to keep my sanity and to keep a reminder of what could have been, to create what will be.... I will go My way, as you have gone your way. Its okay if you have already moved on, oxj I love you...but now its my turn to say farewell, bye oxj.
I'd love to just give in,
I'd love to live this lie..
I went to god just to see, and I was looking at me
Saw heaven and hell were lies
When I'm god everyone dies
Scar/can you feel my power?
Shoot here and the world gets smaller
Scar/scar/can you feel my power?
One shot and the world gets smaller
Shoot shoot shoot motherfucker
I've been to black and back;
I've whited out my name!!
A lack of pain, a lack of hope,
A lack of ANYTHING TO SAY!
How do you see it?
How do you know ?
How do you see it?
I've looked a head and everything was dead.
I've looked a head and everything was dead
I guess that I am
I GUESS THAT I AM TOO
I'd love to live this lie!!
"Each thing I show you is a piece of my death"
THE ORIGINAL FUCKER
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