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Do you feel like you would have to have sex with a person before marrying thm/

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Oct 12, 2015 2:42 AM

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geniobastardo said:
Sexual compatibility is, in most cases (about 90%) , adjustable. A nice long chat about sex before marriage will achieve you the same result as having sexual intercourse before marriage would. But, whatever floats your boat.
Talking about doing something and actually doing something are two different things
Nico- said:
@Comic_Sans oh no y arnt ppl dieing i need more ppl dieing rly gud plot avansement jus liek tokyo ghoul if erbudy dies amirite
Conversations with people pinging/quoting me to argue about some old post I wrote years ago will not be entertained
Oct 12, 2015 2:42 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:

The amount of dedication I'm talking about is the one equivalent to marriage. And well now that think of it none of this can be proven. So it's all my opinion
Considering its something like 65% of all marriages end in divorce and domestic partnerships tend to be more successful I would argue that love and marriage are two very separate things. Marriage is not very indicative of love anymore, unfortunately.

Marriage has always had a subjective meaning. Though I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way of marriage even today.
Oct 12, 2015 2:43 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
Considering its something like 65% of all marriages end in divorce and domestic partnerships tend to be more successful I would argue that love and marriage are two very separate things. Marriage is not very indicative of love anymore, unfortunately.

Marriage has been rather subjective in meaning. Well I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way.
How is marriage subjective? it's a legally defined thing. Trust me, I'm a fan of marriage, I think it's the fucking shit. Sadly, most people are too immature to handle the kind of responsibility & commitment it places on them and since the divorce rate is so damn high we are now seeing people checking out of even considering it as an option because their parents are divorced. It's a shitty situation, but the fact remains that more often than not, nowadays, marriage =/= love.
I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 2:43 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
Considering its something like 65% of all marriages end in divorce and domestic partnerships tend to be more successful I would argue that love and marriage are two very separate things. Marriage is not very indicative of love anymore, unfortunately.

Marriage has always had a subjective meaning. Though I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way of marriage even today.
that's because not everyone is idealistic as you and believes that God will someone set up the perfect fate
Oct 12, 2015 2:45 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:
Well that's not the first time I heard that phrase.I guess losing faith in humanity is just as common as that to me nowadays
You'll realize that there is beauty in this world outside of your religious viewpoints and the shit humans do. The world is a beautiful place, you just have to look.

I'm not that pessimistic. In fact, I think I'm the only one who appreciates beauty more than anyone else in my class. And please don't treat my views as religious as I came upon the conclusion on my own.
Oct 12, 2015 2:46 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
You'll realize that there is beauty in this world outside of your religious viewpoints and the shit humans do. The world is a beautiful place, you just have to look.

I'm not that pessimistic. In fact, I think I'm the only one who appreciates beauty more than anyone else in my class. And please don't treat my views as religious as I came upon the conclusion on my own.
"The world is a beautiful place" = "pessimistic"???? DONE! FUCK THIS!
I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 2:46 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:

Marriage has been rather subjective in meaning. Well I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way.
How is marriage subjective? it's a legally defined thing. Trust me, I'm a fan of marriage, I think it's the fucking shit. Sadly, most people are too immature to handle the kind of responsibility & commitment it places on them and since the divorce rate is so damn high we are now seeing people checking out of even considering it as an option because their parents are divorced. It's a shitty situation, but the fact remains that more often than not, nowadays, marriage =/= love.

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.
Oct 12, 2015 2:47 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
How is marriage subjective? it's a legally defined thing. Trust me, I'm a fan of marriage, I think it's the fucking shit. Sadly, most people are too immature to handle the kind of responsibility & commitment it places on them and since the divorce rate is so damn high we are now seeing people checking out of even considering it as an option because their parents are divorced. It's a shitty situation, but the fact remains that more often than not, nowadays, marriage =/= love.

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.
oh no
No homosexual debate pls
Oct 12, 2015 2:47 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:

I'm not that pessimistic. In fact, I think I'm the only one who appreciates beauty more than anyone else in my class. And please don't treat my views as religious as I came upon the conclusion on my own.
"The world is a beautiful place" = "pessimistic"???? DONE! FUCK THIS!
I don't get what I said wrong .-.
Oct 12, 2015 2:48 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
How is marriage subjective? it's a legally defined thing. Trust me, I'm a fan of marriage, I think it's the fucking shit. Sadly, most people are too immature to handle the kind of responsibility & commitment it places on them and since the divorce rate is so damn high we are now seeing people checking out of even considering it as an option because their parents are divorced. It's a shitty situation, but the fact remains that more often than not, nowadays, marriage =/= love.

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.

I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 2:49 AM
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I'd think about marriage after 4-5 years of relationship and a few years living together so no. And I think there is not lot of men who are willing to wait with sex until the marriage.
Oct 12, 2015 2:50 AM
*hug noises*

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Fuck her silly asap
Oct 12, 2015 2:50 AM
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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
You'll realize that there is beauty in this world outside of your religious viewpoints and the shit humans do. The world is a beautiful place, you just have to look.

I'm not that pessimistic. In fact, I think I'm the only one who appreciates beauty more than anyone else in my class. And please don't treat my views as religious as I came upon the conclusion on my own.


In your class? So you're still in school?

Seriously, how on earth can you even begin to have a clue about this stuff? You can't possibly have the life or relationship experience to say the things you're saying.
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Oct 12, 2015 2:50 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.

Could use an explanation more than a gif thank you.
Oct 12, 2015 2:53 AM

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Fizix said:
bombslayer said:

I'm not that pessimistic. In fact, I think I'm the only one who appreciates beauty more than anyone else in my class. And please don't treat my views as religious as I came upon the conclusion on my own.


In your class? So you're still in school?

Seriously, how on earth can you even begin to have a clue about this stuff? You can't possibly have the life or relationship experience to say the things you're saying.
True, but I'm always up to change and learn more. I never said my opinion of these are fact.
Oct 12, 2015 2:54 AM

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shotz_ said:
bombslayer said:

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.


ah so much for this
bombslayer said:
I'm a more logical kind of Christian I can assure you of that.

I have my own reasons and I'm starting to regret ever saying I was Christian to begin with.
Oct 12, 2015 2:55 AM
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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:

How can you explain those who advocate divorce and those who not and last thing I heard marriage is the unified relationship between a MAN and a WOMAN and we all know where that changed.



LOL I love that GIF :D
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Oct 12, 2015 2:57 AM

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bombslayer said:
I have my own reasons and I'm starting to regret ever saying I was Christian to begin with.
Nobody has a problem with you being a christian, my best friend is a fucking evangelical, what we have a problem with is you saying dumb shit and then hiding behind your faith, acting like it's a shield that will protect you from criticism.
I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 2:58 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:
I have my own reasons and I'm starting to regret ever saying I was Christian to begin with.
Nobody has a problem with you being a christian, my best friend is a fucking evangelical, what we have a problem with is saying dumb shit and then hiding behind your faith, acting like it's a shield that will protect you from criticism.
That's what I despise. If you cannot defend your own belief or make sense out of it then why do you believe to begin with.
Oct 12, 2015 3:03 AM

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bombslayer said:
DisdainMatto said:
Nobody has a problem with you being a christian, my best friend is a fucking evangelical, what we have a problem with is saying dumb shit and then hiding behind your faith, acting like it's a shield that will protect you from criticism.
That's what I despise the most. If you cannot defend your own belief or make sense out of it then why do you believe to begin with.
Ask yourself that because you clearly can't defend them without saying "im a christian". Literally nobody gives a fuck about your religion. You clearly have some shit to work out between you and your beliefs, that's self-evident at this point. Now before we derail this any further into a religious debate. Marriage doesn't equal love, love doesn't equal sex, sex doesn't equal marriage. Are we clear on this now? These 3 things do not have to go together to exist, you can love somebody and not fuck them, you can be married to somebody and not love them, you can fuck somebody and not be married to them. Humans are animals, whether you want to believe it or not, we are hardwired to mate. Marriage is a man made creation for a multitude of reasons. Love and Mating are natural things.

I apologize if my tone is "triggering" for you, but when you are this block headed, I need to explain things in as simple terms as possible.
I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 3:14 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:
That's what I despise the most. If you cannot defend your own belief or make sense out of it then why do you believe to begin with.
Ask yourself that because you clearly can't defend them without saying "im a christian". Literally nobody gives a fuck about your religion. You clearly have some shit to work out between you and your beliefs, that's self-evident at this point. Now before we derail this any further into a religious debate. Marriage doesn't equal love, love doesn't equal sex, sex doesn't equal marriage. Are we clear on this now? These 3 things do not have to go together to exist, you can love somebody and not fuck them, you can be married to somebody and not love them, you can fuck somebody and not be married to them. Humans are animals, whether you want to believe it or not, we are hardwired to mate. Marriage is a man made creation for a multitude of reasons. Love and Mating are natural things.

I apologize if my tone is "triggering" for you, but when you are this block headed, I need to explain things in as simple terms as possible.


Thank you. Marriage is artificial, sex is not. All animals have sex, only humans marry.
Oct 12, 2015 3:15 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
bombslayer said:
That's what I despise the most. If you cannot defend your own belief or make sense out of it then why do you believe to begin with.
Ask yourself that because you clearly can't defend them without saying "im a christian". Literally nobody gives a fuck about your religion. You clearly have some shit to work out between you and your beliefs, that's self-evident at this point. Now before we derail this any further into a religious debate. Marriage doesn't equal love, love doesn't equal sex, sex doesn't equal marriage. Are we clear on this now? These 3 things do not have to go together to exist, you can love somebody and not fuck them, you can be married to somebody and not love them, you can fuck somebody and not be married to them. Humans are animals, whether you want to believe it or not, we are hardwired to mate. Marriage is a man made creation for a multitude of reasons. Love and Mating are natural things.

I don't remember using my religion as a shield. And I think I brought up some logical opinions. And indeed, that is all opinion but it's how most of the world works today. I can't help it since the content the topics we bring up will make me use opinions that many would think I just reaped out of religion when I repeatedly remind them that I came upon the conclusion MYSELF. And hey even the Bible said man was made to thrive and populate the earth.

I'm just a newbie when it comes to arguments and made a few mistakes by reading too fast or not taking the time to fully comprehend your opinion. I found this to be great experience and I'd like to thank you for actually giving the time to hear me out.
Oct 12, 2015 3:36 AM

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bombslayer said:
I'm just a newbie when it comes to arguments and made a few mistakes by reading too fast or not taking the time to fully comprehend your opinion. I found this to be great experience and I'd like to thank you for actually giving the time to hear me out.
I know you're just saying this to be nice, you don't need to be. Welcome to CD, the place that you pretty much rip out any sort of respect for your fellow man you thought you had, I should know, it did that to me about 3 weeks ago.
I love Christine

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." - Henry David Thoreau


Oct 12, 2015 3:51 AM
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bombslayer said:
Fizix said:


In your class? So you're still in school?

Seriously, how on earth can you even begin to have a clue about this stuff? You can't possibly have the life or relationship experience to say the things you're saying.
True, but I'm always up to change and learn more. I never said my opinion of these are fact.


Well, the problem isn't really whether you're passing your opinions off as fact or not. It's what you're actually saying.

I'll reprhase.

bombslayer said:
I'm just confused about how this world lost so much of it's values as individuals. How they devalue themselves so much to resort to this.

...

You're soiling yourself without even tying the knot with the person. And I think people forgot that sex are only for those who have dedicated their lives to one another.


I've had sexual relationships with more than one person, I'm in a long term relationship, I'm unmarried, we have two children. You are saying that we have lost our values? That we've devalued ourselves because we haven't gotten married? That we are in some way cheap because we have had more than one partner? You think we've "soiled" ourselves and sex (and therefore our children) aren't "for us" because we aren't married?

What makes you think our relationship is less worthy than someone who has gotten married?

What makes this worse is that while you're casting judgement on people like us, you've also admitted that you're still in school and therefore far too young to have any real experience with relationships and sex. So you aren't even drawing these conclusions from stuff you can justify... you're just being judgemental.

Marriage is no indicator of the quality of someones relationship.


bombslayer said:

The amount of dedication I'm talking about is the one equivalent to marriage.


Dedication? How do you know how much dedication it requires to raise a family? Or whether marriage requires any dedication at all?

Raising children requires far more dedication than maintaining a relationship with someone. Also the amount of dedication a relationship (and a family) requires does not change before and after someone has gotten married. Marriage is a statement, its all talk, not actions.

Do you think someone who isn't married is less dedicated to their partner and raising children? Several married couples I know prove that wrong, they are attrocious parents and are anything but dedicated to each other. But they are married, so they're automatically dedicated right?



You're peddling these views but you've probably never even had a relationship, you're still at school s you can't possibly know. What are you basing all this stuff on?



FizixOct 12, 2015 3:58 AM
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Oct 12, 2015 3:53 AM
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I'd rather die than have sex and if someone goes to rape me I will cut my dick off first
Oct 12, 2015 4:16 AM

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Fizix said:

Marriage is no indicator of the quality of someones relationship.


Fizix said:


Dedication? How do you know how much dedication it requires to raise a family? Or whether marriage requires any dedication at all?

Raising children requires far more dedication than maintaining a relationship with someone. Also the amount of dedication a relationship (and a family) requires does not change before and after someone has gotten married. Marriage is a statement, its all talk, not actions.

Do you think someone who isn't married is less dedicated to their partner and raising children? Several married couples I know prove that wrong, they are atrocious parents and are anything but dedicated to each other. But they are married, so they're automatically dedicated right?



You're peddling these views but you've probably never even had a relationship, you're still at school s you can't possibly know. What are you basing all this stuff on?




A lot of hearsay mostly. I admit that it isn't a good source. Marriage is treated like a social contract by most people nowadays so I wouldn't base someone's dedication on marriage anyway.
I am quite cornered with the fact that I have no experience whatsoever. But then again you can't prove to me that all this is true. We can't prove each other's views nor will we ever hope to convince one other. I guess time will tell for me.
Oct 12, 2015 4:29 AM
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bombslayer said:

A lot of hearsay mostly. I admit that it isn't a good source.


So you're sitting there judging people based on stuff some people have said with nothing to gauge the validity of what they've said? What exactly have they said anyway?


bombslayer said:

Marriage is treated like a social contract by most people nowadays so I wouldn't base someone's dedication on marriage anyway.


You already have based someones dedication on marriage, see your posts I quoted previously. You said that we have cheapened ourselves, have no values, are soiled, that sex isn't "for us" and by extension children aren't for us and you've drawn our dedication into question.


bombslayer said:

I am quite cornered with the fact that I have no experience whatsoever.


Well having no experience is problematic when you're peddling the stuff you are.


bombslayer said:

But then again you can't prove to me that all this is true. We can't prove each other's views nor will we ever hope to convince one other. I guess time will tell for me.


So in other words, after you've derided a group of people its up to us to prove you wrong rather than you justify yourself?

Saying we can't prove each others views is irrelevant - because we can. You're the one who's peddling views and making claims about peoples relationships, claiming to know better. You are the one who is saying that marriage is essential and that people should save themselves until they are married.

But you are completely unable to explain or justify these views. The most you've been able to come up with is "hearsay".
FizixOct 12, 2015 4:33 AM
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Oct 12, 2015 4:30 AM

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mayukachan said:
bombslayer said:

Marriage has always had a subjective meaning. Though I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks that way of marriage even today.
that's because not everyone is idealistic as you and believes that God will someone set up the perfect fate



God won't set you up with your perfect fate, for sure. You have to earn it =_=
Oct 12, 2015 4:46 AM

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Fizix said:

So you're sitting there judging people based on stuff some people have said with nothing to gauge the validity of what they've said? What exactly have they said anyway?

Not anything positive obviously. It's not like I trust in those with my life either. Hearsay is hearsay. And I don't judge so carelessly. I like to get into full detail and most of all, know them personally before I'll judge.

Fizix said:

You already have based someones dedication on marriage, see your posts I quoted previously. You said that we have cheapened ourselves, have no values, are soiled, that sex isn't "for us" and by extension children aren't for us and you've drawn our dedication into question.

Yes, I said those. Those children are your responsibility and I'm not the one to say they're not. I think being a parent is different from this so I don't get why do you bring parenthood up on this.

Fizix said:

So in other words, after you've derided a group of people its up to us to prove you wrong rather than you justify yourself?

Saying we can't prove each others views is irrelevant - because we can. You're the one who's peddling views and making claims about peoples relationships, claiming to know better. You are the one who is saying that marriage is essential and that people should save themselves until they are married.

But you are completely unable to explain or justify these views. The most you've been able to come up with is "hearsay".

I haven't seen much justification on your part either. And my point still stands that none of us will ever convince another with this.
bombslayerOct 12, 2015 4:55 AM
Oct 12, 2015 4:52 AM
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bombslayer said:
Fizix said:

So you're sitting there judging people based on stuff some people have said with nothing to gauge the validity of what they've said? What exactly have they said anyway?

Not anything positive obviously.


lol, such as? These are your justifications afterall. What are they?

bombslayer said:

Fizix said:

You already have based someones dedication on marriage, see your posts I quoted previously. You said that we have cheapened ourselves, have no values, are soiled, that sex isn't "for us" and by extension children aren't for us and you've drawn our dedication into question.

Yes, I said those. Those children are your responsibility and I'm not the one to say they're not. I think being a parent is different from this so I don't get why do you bring parenthood up on this.


Eh? Being a parent requires having sex, if having sex isn't for the unmarried then having children cannot be for the unmarried (religion persecutes children born to unmarried people too, so your own religion counts them). Being a parent is a massive part of most peoples relationships though, so this is all part and parcel of your argument.

bombslayer said:

Fizix said:

So in other words, after you've derided a group of people its up to us to prove you wrong rather than you justify yourself?

Saying we can't prove each others views is irrelevant - because we can. You're the one who's peddling views and making claims about peoples relationships, claiming to know better. You are the one who is saying that marriage is essential and that people should save themselves until they are married.

But you are completely unable to explain or justify these views. The most you've been able to come up with is "hearsay".

I haven't seen much justification on your part either. And my point still stands that none of us will ever convince another with this.

[/quote]

I'm not the one ridiculing people though. You're making claims about people, you need to back those claims up. All this sentence is saying is that you want to make statements about people unquestioned.
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Oct 12, 2015 5:03 AM

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Forgive me for the late edits.
I'm open to change. I never judge someone and say that's it. I'm never surprised if someone showed a side of theirs nobody saw whether it be good or not. I always expect more out of them.

Misconception about Christianity too. We don't persecute people; we forgive them. Everybody is guilty of sin. It's blasphemy to forsake another for sin.

You never needed to be biologically related to become a parent to someone.

I didn't intend to offend nor did I ever say you should believe in my claims. Neither of us have backing so I don't see this going anywhere.
bombslayerOct 12, 2015 5:09 AM
Oct 12, 2015 5:07 AM
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bombslayer said:
Forgive me for the late edits.
Misconception about Christianity too. We don't persecute people; we forgive them. Everybody is guilty of sin. It's blasphemy to forsake another for sin. You never needed to be biologically related to become a parent to someone.

I didn't intend to offend nor did I ever say you should believe in my claims. Neither of us have backing so I don't see this going anywhere.


You haven't offended me. I'm questioning you.

What I find funny is that you claim not to persecute... Maybe you should read your posts again and rethink that.
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Oct 12, 2015 5:14 AM

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bombslayer said:
Forgive me for the late edits.
Misconception about Christianity too. We don't persecute people; we forgive them. Everybody is guilty of sin. It's blasphemy to forsake another for sin. You never needed to be biologically related to become a parent to someone.

I didn't intend to offend nor did I ever say you should believe in my claims. Neither of us have backing so I don't see this going anywhere.
Lol the entire book is a misconception. Stop generalizing your entire religion based on your own beliefs because literally every single Christian out there has their own bullshit interpretation of the bible.
Oct 12, 2015 5:14 AM

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Fizix said:
bombslayer said:
Forgive me for the late edits.
Misconception about Christianity too. We don't persecute people; we forgive them. Everybody is guilty of sin. It's blasphemy to forsake another for sin. You never needed to be biologically related to become a parent to someone.

I didn't intend to offend nor did I ever say you should believe in my claims. Neither of us have backing so I don't see this going anywhere.


You haven't offended me. I'm questioning you.

What I find funny is that you claim not to persecute... Maybe you should read your posts again and rethink that.

Hmph. I'm just concerned. I'll be more careful with my wording. My judgment there was too hasty I suppose.
Oct 12, 2015 5:16 AM

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LionCake said:
bombslayer said:
Forgive me for the late edits.
Misconception about Christianity too. We don't persecute people; we forgive them. Everybody is guilty of sin. It's blasphemy to forsake another for sin. You never needed to be biologically related to become a parent to someone.

I didn't intend to offend nor did I ever say you should believe in my claims. Neither of us have backing so I don't see this going anywhere.
Lol the entire book is a misconception. Stop generalizing your entire religion based on your own beliefs because literally every single Christian out there has their own bullshit interpretation of the bible.
I'm tired and I know this will go nowhere so I won't even bother.
Oct 12, 2015 5:24 AM
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Fizix said:


You can't feel your sexual compatibility without having sex with someone though. Sexual compatibility isn't the same as attraction, and it isn't the same as loving someone's personality. It's not a jerk thing to say at all, it's realistic. If there isn't sexual compatibility in a relationship then both of you will feel that and the likelihood is that one of you will end up looking for sex elsewhere.

Also, from your other posts, it isn't a test. Nobody is being tested and it isn't about how good someone is in bed, it's about you both being on the same level and having that kind of intimate connection. This isn't something you can figure out by talking about it. Sure, you can talk and find out about any fetishes that are kind of out there, but its not just about that.

Someone up thread mentioned the risk of sex becoming a chore and they are absolutely right. Different people have very different ideas about sex, and everyone is very different in the bedroom anyway. If that doesn't match up then it will become a chore.


I am going to hold my ground on this one. It has been my experience that their personality, openness to new things, attitudes to sex, the level of intimacy, communication and the close connection you share outside are reflected in the bedroom compatibility. There is never guarantees of course, even if you did try to test compatibility but my ideals have worked for me so far. I remain an all or nothing romantic :)
Oct 12, 2015 5:34 AM

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Cottonrabbit said:
Fizix said:


You can't feel your sexual compatibility without having sex with someone though. Sexual compatibility isn't the same as attraction, and it isn't the same as loving someone's personality. It's not a jerk thing to say at all, it's realistic. If there isn't sexual compatibility in a relationship then both of you will feel that and the likelihood is that one of you will end up looking for sex elsewhere.

Also, from your other posts, it isn't a test. Nobody is being tested and it isn't about how good someone is in bed, it's about you both being on the same level and having that kind of intimate connection. This isn't something you can figure out by talking about it. Sure, you can talk and find out about any fetishes that are kind of out there, but its not just about that.

Someone up thread mentioned the risk of sex becoming a chore and they are absolutely right. Different people have very different ideas about sex, and everyone is very different in the bedroom anyway. If that doesn't match up then it will become a chore.


I am going to hold my ground on this one. It has been my experience that their personality, openness to new things, attitudes to sex, the level of intimacy, communication and the close connection you share outside are reflected in the bedroom compatibility. There is never guarantees of course, even if you did try to test compatibility but my ideals have worked for me so far. I remain an all or nothing romantic :)

But seriously. How can you argue for something that you've never experienced for yourself? If you've never had sex (and least of all, sex with several different people), how can you say anything about sexual compability?
Oct 12, 2015 5:40 AM

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Fact 1; I practice abstinence.
Fact 2; My gf don't want to have sex

Yea
semi-active
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Oct 12, 2015 5:41 AM

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DisdainMatto said:
I know you're just saying this to be nice, you don't need to be. Welcome to CD, the place that you pretty much rip out any sort of respect for your fellow man you thought you had, I should know, it did that to me about 3 weeks ago.
Oct 12, 2015 6:18 AM
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Cottonrabbit said:
Fizix said:


You can't feel your sexual compatibility without having sex with someone though. Sexual compatibility isn't the same as attraction, and it isn't the same as loving someone's personality. It's not a jerk thing to say at all, it's realistic. If there isn't sexual compatibility in a relationship then both of you will feel that and the likelihood is that one of you will end up looking for sex elsewhere.

Also, from your other posts, it isn't a test. Nobody is being tested and it isn't about how good someone is in bed, it's about you both being on the same level and having that kind of intimate connection. This isn't something you can figure out by talking about it. Sure, you can talk and find out about any fetishes that are kind of out there, but its not just about that.

Someone up thread mentioned the risk of sex becoming a chore and they are absolutely right. Different people have very different ideas about sex, and everyone is very different in the bedroom anyway. If that doesn't match up then it will become a chore.


I am going to hold my ground on this one. It has been my experience that their personality, openness to new things, attitudes to sex, the level of intimacy, communication and the close connection you share outside are reflected in the bedroom compatibility. There is never guarantees of course, even if you did try to test compatibility but my ideals have worked for me so far. I remain an all or nothing romantic :)


You aren't "testing" compatibility though, you make it sound like this means testing someone when it doesn't. Compatibility is something you just discover through doing. If it isn't there you learn that and you only know through experiencing intimacy with that person.

If you're abstaining until marriage then that type of intimacy isn't there for you to find out, plus you'd have nothing to gauge it against. You could have a really abnormal sex life but not know any different.

While you may have found that the person you've dated is sexually compatible, that is just pure luck. The fact that so many people end up dating people they feel are great people but end up deciding that they are better off as friends after they became sexually intimate happens because a connection between personalities doesn't necessarily equate to a connection intimately, or to a fulfilling sex life.

I've experienced a lack of compatibility when everything else stacks up. When I was younger I dated a girl who was great in every area until it came to sexual intimacy. It was at that point where we had a problem, she was... I can't find the right word but "cold" is the closest way to describe it.

She wasn't doing anything wrong, she just approached this stuff differently and didn't understand what I meant when I tried to talk to her about it. There was no way to find out before hand as you don't experience that side of them until you've been in that situation with them and I'd argue that it would be unfair of me to try to get her to change and unfair for me to be unhappy.

It's really common, my OH has had it too. A guy who was "great" but when it came to the bedroom he made her cringe and feel uncomfortable. Other people I know have had it too, where they break up with someone who was "perfect" and then say that but when it came to the bedroom it just wasn't working out.

I think you're boiling this type of compatibility down to quite unrealistic terms that are very nice and idealistic but don't really exist in the real world. If you've found someone so easily that's perfectly compatible in all the important areas then hang on to them because you've got lucky.
FizixOct 12, 2015 6:40 AM
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Oct 12, 2015 6:47 AM

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Doesn't really matter to me.
Oct 12, 2015 6:50 AM
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sex is such a huge part of a relationship that committing to someone for your life without having done it is just really really dumb
Oct 12, 2015 7:01 AM

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Of course, sex is important and you don't wanna marry someone and then realize it's no fun.
Oct 12, 2015 7:13 AM

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Marriage has no benefits for a male.
Are you so prude, that you afraid of the church, OP?
Sex always comes before marriage.
Oct 12, 2015 7:28 AM

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mayukachan said:
Thalos said:
Is performance necessarily the issue here? I don't think many people here are even thinking about how "good" someone is in bed but whether or not there's passion there, whether the other person is comfortable in bed with you, whether you have similar tastes and fetishes etc.
You can be "bad" at sex. The male always has to put in more effort so the female can actually orgasm and get turned on because it's physically harder for the female to get turned on.


Skill at sex can be learned, though. It's something you get better the more you do it and the more you experiment, even with the same partner.

Sexual compatibiliy means you both have the same approach. It's fine if someone just wants to do the missionary position, but they're incompatible with me. I want to experiment with all kinds of stuff. A compatible women will be open to trying things.
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Oct 12, 2015 7:33 AM

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TheBrainintheJar said:
mayukachan said:
You can be "bad" at sex. The male always has to put in more effort so the female can actually orgasm and get turned on because it's physically harder for the female to get turned on.


Skill at sex can be learned, though. It's something you get better the more you do it and the more you experiment, even with the same partner.

Sexual compatibiliy means you both have the same approach. It's fine if someone just wants to do the missionary position, but they're incompatible with me. I want to experiment with all kinds of stuff. A compatible women will be open to trying things.


I agree with that completely. If someone isn't putting any effort into making you feel good and even after talking with them things aren't improving, then maybe the relationship isn't as healthy as you thought and it's time to move on. However if someone is just inexperienced (and since this topic is discussing people who would hypothetically wait for marriage before ever having sex, it's likely this person would be) there's no reason to not be patient with them if you love them and you're compatible. But if your partner just wants to do the same thing every night and you're not into that, your relationship will inevitably suffer.
Oct 12, 2015 7:51 AM

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bombslayer said:
I just finished ranting about relationships and the 1st thing I see is this.

I don't even know what to type about this. For one thing, I am completely against this. but I'm just confused about how this world lost so much of it's values as individuals. How they devalue themselves so much to resort to this. If you're wondering yes, I'm a Christian. But just to let you know I actually find the atheists more tolerable than the fake Christians in my school and I'm a more logical kind of Christian I can assure you of that. Now back to the topic. Guilty pleasure can only make life worth living for so long. I hope people would put more time and effort on something that lasts for an eternity.


You speak of devaluing themselves by I assume engaging in sex prior to marriage. How you define marriage is irrelevant here, but sexual urges are something all of us have (minus a few possible outliers) and religion often twists this in such a way to make people feel guilty for a biological (natural) impulse. The fact virgins are considered 'pure' is a very good example of this. Of course this mentality is mirrored in your own post, with suggestions that the act is somehow shameful or dirty, which is implied by word choices such as 'guilty pleasure' and bringing up value's with the implication that engaging in sex pre-maritally devalues a person.

This next part isn't necessarily aimed at you but my thoughts in general. The social glorification of virginity as some sort of virtue or prize is to put it bluntly, damaging, especially with a religious lense. This portrayal of virginity as a one time deal is just absurd i.e. do it and you're a whore. Virginity should not define a person, nor determine a woman or man's value.

People should be choosing to have sex when they feel they are ready and it's consensual. We should further increase sexual education (rather than abstinence education which is very detrimental especially in regards to women), so people can be safe, do what's right for them, and be happy with their decisions, i.e. teach the benefits and consequences of sex. While I disagree with the social condemnation or guilt that often comes from the abstinence camp, that is not to say I agree with the extreme other side either. I do think our culture as a whole is too sexual, which is equally as harmful, but that's another topic entirely, best left for another day.

@OP You say you will honour your religion unless your partner insists. This is an odd attitude to me. You're essentially laying the entire decision on your significant other, rather than reaching a mutual decision together, that's based on what you are both ready for and/or comfortable with. I find it hard to fathom why anyone would take such a stance.
Oct 12, 2015 8:53 AM

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Comic_Sans said:
geniobastardo said:
Sexual compatibility is, in most cases (about 90%) , adjustable. A nice long chat about sex before marriage will achieve you the same result as having sexual intercourse before marriage would. But, whatever floats your boat.
Talking about doing something and actually doing something are two different things


Which yield the same output, theoretically speaking. Because if we're measuring sexual compatibility by gauging how good is your partner in bed, then that's something you'll both learn through experience and to dump your partner simply because he/she wasn't up to your expectations is, well, nonsensical. But, if we were to measure the 'compatibility' by gauging sex drive and identifying 'fetishes' then that's something you can discover simply by talking to your partner. The only substantial problem is the problem of sex drive; which isn't even a problem 90% of the time because you can tell how active a person is sexually simply by staying with him/her. When it comes to fetishes or other activities your partner enjoys in the bed, then that too is adjustable. And to dump your partner simply because you couldn't adjust to one fetish of her or she couldn't to yours is, again, nonsensical.
geniobastardoOct 12, 2015 8:56 AM
[i]"Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!''
~Oscar
[/i]
Oct 12, 2015 3:21 PM

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Well this thread actually invited some good debate . . .

Sex does sell/attract I guess XP

Get some points out the way here:

I'm Christian but not a "Bible thumper" I believe Jesus died for our sin and His sacrifice alone was truly perfect and removed all Sin from the world. The Bible says clearly No man can get to Heaven except through Jesus. This means that what you choose to do/ not do/ only do when will not factor in to getting you sasved. You just have to accept Jesus into your heart.

I'm way more open to having sex before marriage, however I still stand firmly in saying that it has to be with someone I am deeply inlove with. Also, to the above explanation of my belief: I am bi, so whether my partner ends up being a male or female, I'mopen to either.
"Fuck this shit, fun things are fun!"
Oct 12, 2015 3:34 PM

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1343
Yes, and I don't have an issue with it. Neither does my SO.

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