Ranked #5550

Goulart Knights: Evoked the Beginning Black

*Spoilers Ahead*

So, basically, it was late at night, and I decided to watch some anime. This caught my eye a while ago because it looked like some genderbended version of D. Gray-man. No, I was not expecting D. Gray-man or anything similar to it--simply watching characters you know run around as their genderbent selves is pretty fun. Truthfully, I had a feeling it would be bad... but this really outdid itself. I could not differ the story from the quality of Quizilla Fanfiction; if you don't know what I'm talking about, spare your intelligence and just trust me--it's pretty awful.

First of all, none of the characters are genderbent. They were guys wearing skirts (quite literally) and I spent about half the episode trying to figure this out.

So... it starts with this sad, blonde girl who is the only survivor in some attack? Or something? So, these Knights (I guess?) take her in and become friends with her and she has this really weird looking dog and there's a bunch of very lame humor.

Then there's this large, black wolf with wings that's standing on a roof.

Afterwards, it switches back to this blonde girl who hears some people talking about how they need to get rid of her whether she's evil or not or something. She gets sad and gets her dog and walks in the rain.

The Knights (again, I'm not sure what to call them) go after her, and find her by all of these dead people. She's looking all evil, so they all go through these magical girl transformations to get their weapons from their bodies (sparkles and all).

However, one of the boys is convinced that she's good, despite the fact that there are corpses and she looks psychotic. Then the wolf from before falls from the sky, and attacks in some obscure way that looks like he's jutting muscle-vines and hitting people with them?

Now the boy that's convinced she's good has to go through his own magical girl transformation, but he has trouble, so another one of the guys holds him, and takes his sword out for him? So, basically there's this yaoi moment in the middle of everything. And a pink background. I'm serious.

Then her dog grows really giant and spikes emerge from his back and he battles the wolf. He ends up dying, and the wolf with wings is defeated. The girl cries for her dog, and it glows golden and is dissolved into tiny shards that float up into the heavens.

This is proceeded by more stupid humor before she leaves to go live with her grandparents.

I really don't know what to say about this, except they are all wearing skirts and it's really weird and terribly confusing.

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Okay. So I've only watched the first episode, but I'm not very impressed. I just pray that the manga is at least better than this.

vv SPOILERS AHEAD (sorry) vv

Story:
These guys basically make me think of power rangers, if they were all very feminine, and liked wearing miniskirts instead of spandex. Ever since the starting out of the episode I was lost. The stuff that happened just didn't make any sense at all, and the characters I swear had personality disorders.The miniskirt brigade seems to be some BA army guys starting out, but then turn into these weirdos, that lay on tables asking if they are hotter than the 10 year old girl, and flee in fear from the ugly, oddly round brown dog. The characters seem to keep having random personality changes throughout the episode.

After more than half an episode of shots of people standing around, reading, watching the blonde girl eat, and doing stuff that is just insanely boring. The fight scene comes. THANK YO----oh, darn, wait that wasn't exciting either. They go chasing after the blonde girl after she some how managed to sneak out of a school she has been staying at for like a day, under the watch of these amazing knights. Their transformations are dramatic; flashing colors for each person and all this flashy stuff. Apparently several pigeons got killed in the process because random feathers are just flying down everywhere. Then there is like a tunnel of feathers coming down and you realize, woah it’s the flying demon pig/monster thing (I have no idea what creature this is) ‘oh lol. It’s arms are like creepy bulging tentacles, and start attacking the people. You get a few shots of the guy with the crazy hair things holding some butter knife, like that will do anything against a beast 30 times his size. Okay, so you think they'd start getting their fight on since this evil demon thing came. No. After putting up a fight for 4 seconds, they all basically give up. The dog like transforms into some crazy thing, and the 2 monsters proceed to have some godzilla like fight. The "knights" then decide to have a wet t-shirt contest for a while as they lounge about in the rain as the ugly dog starts attacking the flying hog thing. After they show a shot of every character soaked in their white shirt, it is finally time for the knights to fight! (But only after the dog dies, and a fountain of red cool aid comes out of him for 5 minutes). Apparently all of their weapons are gone now, because to save the day, barrette boy needs to pull this huge sword out of himself, which he can't even pull out. Red headed guy whips it out and saves the day in like a single blow. Still have not a clue why he couldn't use his own weapon or why they didn't do this in the first place. The scene ends with the girl no longer being mute, and crying and saying the dog's name, and he randomly turns into glowing dust and floats up to the sky.

I probably forgot to mention this, but at the beginning of the episode the girl wouldn't say a peep, and looked like she was 24/7 depressed. After this great battle scene as she is being picked up by her grandparents (the slumber party must have finished), she is screaming onii-chan at everyone and telling people how beautiful they are, and basically showering them with love. She must get over things quick.

Overall, this was just horribly confusing and weird. I understand that it can't give the full background since it's an OVA, but still. The best thing was the character design, and the worst thing was everything else. I'll probably watch the second episode, out of hope that it doesn't get worse and so i can stare at the characters and wish they weren't in an OVA that was bad.

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