Mar 24, 2013
mdude009 (All reviews)
Ah yes, good old fashion Queen's Blade. You know, I had considered writing a review about 5 minutes into the first episode but I have a code of honour. I cannot write a review unless I have seen the whole thing, and so I have watch the whole thing so that I may write this review... Would someone please come to my house and stab me several times in the face?... No of course not, you damned "sanctity of human life" pricks. Let's get this over with.

Story 1/10: In a world where metal ore is extremely rare crafting armor has become a very expensive task, most blacksmiths can only forge tiny bits of armor such as a bra without going bankrupt and only a few nobles can purchase these armors. Enter Artorius, an aspiring young blacksmith with a dream, to acquire the funds to craft a full practical suit of armor by descending into a hellish underworld... Alright alright! The real plot is a bunch of female fighters have to go to the Queen's Capital to take part in a tournament that will crown the next Queen of apparently the whole world, the queen of course being the strongest and most beautiful (apparently you can be the strongest warrior in all the land, but if you're ugly you can just piss off, I can't be the only who thinks my plot idea was better?). As you can tell the plot is kinda shit, it does serve one purpose though, get a bunch of chicks to knock their armor off in combat and then jiggle around a lot, yeah the plot is a thinly veiled excuse to have half naked girls fighting each other, it's like a fifteen year old got a mad lib (adventure-fantasy addition) and every word he used was tits and ass, and they decided to make an anime out of it.

Art 3/10: Let's see. Generic template used for all the character so they not only look almost exactly the same compared to each other but all to 80% of all other anime characters in general? Check. Speed lines during action scenes because the guys using CG to make the whole show got lazy? Check. Absolutely nothing unique about anything in this show? Check. They made the tit's and ass look good I suppose which in all fairness is pretty much the only thing the anime is about so that keeps it from getting a 1/10 but it's still not very good, next topic.

Sound 1/10: First stop the music, it's incredibly generic to the point where you don't even realize it's there, it's not terrible mind you, it's just kinda there. It doesn't help that a lot of the time the overall mood of the song being played doesn't fit the scene well over half the time, this is what I like to call "lazy placement," they knew they needed background music so they got some standard fantasy tracks and slapped them where ever they thought it was too quiet. As for the voice acting, the dub is atrociously bad, I've seen fan dubs where every character (of both gender) were voiced by the same guy in his basement, don't watch it... Then again the sub isn't much better, it's one of the only subs where the fact I don't understand the language stopped me from realizing how bad the acting actually is. Maybe the acting could have been better if the writing wasn't so pathetic, I haven't seen writing this bad in quite a while, at least it does kinda distract from how bad the entire show is by being so bad you laugh at it.

Character 2/10: Actually some of the character development is fairly good, like when the main character witnesses some horrendous poverty and famine within her own lands and decides to do everything within her... Nope, never mind, they kind of forgot about that like a minute later. See the problem is the characters actually did have a lot of opportunity for character development and depth but it usually only last for like half an episode and then the character seems to completely forget about it and continue on happy as a clam with no problems. Probably because people would have a hard time fapping to character depth and thus just continue to focus on tit's and ass. I swear they should have just called this show "tit's and ass with sword." I give characters higher than 1 for have potential but not by much for doing fuck all with it.

Enjoyment 1/10: You know what I could be watching that's better than this show? Fucking anything! This show is porn without being as fun to watch as porn, I have plenty of place to watch actually porn Queen's Blade, if I was in the mood to jerk off I'd go there, not watch your half-assed attempt at making a hentai you can make more money off of by claiming it to be a real show so it's shown on TV. I watched it online so you made no money off me what-so-ever to begin with so eat my shit.

Overall 1/10: What more is there to say? It's a completely crappy show that had a minimal amount of potential with the characters that it never exploited like it was afraid that it might raise to at least the level of mediocrity, like it's somehow allergic to not being complete shit that someone who isn't aware of any actually porn site can jerk off to. Bad show Queen's Blade, ya should have just gone full out porn, at least then you could hide behind the excuse that the show is just meant to be porn and not reviewed seriously.