Scene: The conception of the Melancholy anime, as I imagined it in all it's inaccuracy.
Two executives sit at a round, wooden table. There is a man standing before them, nervously wringing his hands. One of the seated men nods his head, a signal for the man to begin his presentation.
Creator: W-well, I have this story, it's called "Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu"...
Man 1: Go on.
C: It's about this girl who has god powers and doesn't know it and the world revolves around h-
Man 2: Sounds good so far, but how about we add a few characters.
M1: Uh... book girl and fanservice girl.
C: But-
M2: Gotta have a mysterious transfer student.
M1: Oh yes!
C: Well-
M1: Rational narrator! That'll work.
M2: How could I have forgotten!
C: So as the plot goes on, w-
M2: NO!
M1: ABSOLUTELY NOT!
M2: We're sorry, plot alienates our viewers. Your plot was starting to sound a little too smart there. However, we like this series so much that we're even going to consult the dartboard for you, how does that sound?
C: What is that?
M1: Great to see we're on the same page.
[Man 1 stands up and walks to the back of the room as Man 2 produces nine darts from his pocket. Man 1, with a flourish, removes a curtain from the wall that wasn't previously there, unveiling a simple dartboard with little pieces of paper taped to it unfasionably.
M1 sits back down and M2 closes his eyes, dart in hand. Man 2 begins to hurl darts at the board as Man 1 reads the choices aloud.]
M1: Baseball! Classic. Bug episode? That's odd. Video game! Heater! We'll find some way to make that work, I guess. School Festival, how fun! Beach/Murder story, think of the lovely fanservice! Woah, it got hit twice, we can have TWO of those episodes! Film! Kiss! Looks like we've got some winners here.
M2: [Looks to creator] What'dya think about that! Isn't our way of choosing episodes spectacular?
C: W-well, actually I-
M2: Great! Let's start production!
Story:
So much potential, so frustratingly ignored. We have a concept that could go far, the concept of a god who doesn't know that she is a god, who can manipulate everything while still knowing nothing, and the world must bend to her selfish teenage wishes. In the first few episodes you have the promise of a great series. But once the climax comes, all you're left with is filler crap that they tie haphazardly to the plot. If you're looking for an anime about a wacky school club with an eccentric leader and minor filler watch Angel Beats instead, it'll at least make you laugh.
Art:
It's a slice of life, I don't really expect the animation to be fantastic. The famous ending is great, the motions are fluid, the opening's alright. But then... the CGI. DAMN IT. I had to deduct quite a few points for the horrible, clunky, distracting, hideous 3D animation. The character designs are pretty generic. If you were to dress one of the three tacked on club members who's names to me are "boobs, transfer kid, and gray haired book chick" in something other than their uniform and put them in a crowd of other anime characters I wouldn't recognize them.
Sound:
UUUUUUGH. Koizumi's voice makes me wince. His voice has a real sharp feel to it at times. It's like a dog whistle, only annoying to those who notice it, so don't let that nitpick throw you off. The other seiyuu were standard, nothing that special, except for Haruhi's. She captured the slightly crazed personality of Haruhi to a T and brought new personality to the character.
Characters:
Haruhi is interesting. Kyon is kind of interesting. The others barely exist. The club members are simple archetypes, and they could've been great if they didn't have the personality of yellow crabgrass.
Enjoyment:
At first, I was at the edge of my seat. Next, I was laying down. Then, I was on the floor sobbing and wondering why I was still watching this. After finishing the anime, I closed my laptop and penciled in my next exciting plans to watch paint dry.
Overall:
Watch this anime and see how you like it. You may love it or you may hate it. I hated it. It's up to you to decide.
