Eiken isn’t an anime. It’s an experience.
Having discovered Eiken in the wild west era of 2007 Youtube there would be times over the years when my ordinary life would be interrupted by a sudden flash of a memory long forgotten of a soft boy harem protagonist accidentally sexually assaulting a pair of Hooters attached to a red-haired high school girl. I’d wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, arm reaching towards the heavens, panting from a nightmare of a tall, purple-haired high schooler with back-breaking chubby chest cheeks attached to her front, sucking on a presumably chocolate-covered banana on a stick, and I’d ask myself… “Who are you?”
Only now in the year 2022 -current year argument- after casually browsing through a MAL discussion forum called "Most cringe OR degenerate anime(s) you've seen" was I exposed to sweater stretchers, the name Eiken remembered, and the seal that was placed upon my memory to stop a demon long forgotten from being released back into my life accidentally undone.
I raced to my favourite anime pirating website and trembled. Whilst I exposed myself to almost an hour of what can only be described as pure, unfiltered, incomprehensible garbage my hair turned white, angelic wings sprouted from my back, my eyes began to glow and I started to float towards the sky as I was shrouded in soft rays of light and a choir sang “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH”, for I had become enlightened.
Eiken can never truly be a 1/10 because it holds educational value. Those who’ve watched it will know what bad harem anime truly is. They’ll stop complaining about Dragon Maid’s Ilulu and Lucoa’s ‘unrealistic’ dragon ( . Y . ) because they understand what true unrealistic built-in stress balls are. They’ll muse on harem anime of the present and ponder whether or not a harem storyline could truly be bad when it doesn’t present a story that’ll turn your mind into mush and lacks the presence of a loli character whose kahunas are bigger than her entire body. Like that meme of the anime guy with glasses looking at a butterfly, they’ll ask themselves “Is this hentai?”
They’ll also think “Golly, J.C.Staff was once a good animation studio back in 2003” because the animation is pretty good compared to the kind of stuff they put out these days when they don’t have production help from Egg Firm. Something I’ve noticed about shitty harem anime from the early 2000s is the animation quality is much higher than like, half of a year's output of modern anime no matter what the genre…
You do not watch Eiken, you experience Eiken. An experience I once again had to go through so now I’m going to push you, yes you, the reader, to experience it for yourself. Become enlightened friends. You will never become a true man/woman of culture until you do.
2/10 An Experience.
