But the first Broly movie was mostly an incredibly long, boring exposition with a dull climactic fight where everyone just gets beaten to death until Goku suddenly turns it around with no suspense whatsoever. The next movie somehow got worse, as superior characters Goku, Gohan, and future Trunks were all basically gone. Gohan settled things halfway through the movie, and everything before that is terrible slapstick and some more literal slapping as Goten and Trunks tease Broly and get their asses kicked for it. Not before pissing on him and ruining whatever goodwill Broly's coolness factor gave to him, though. In the stunning conclusion to one of cinema's greatest trilogies, an old rich rival of Hercule challenges him to come fight against his army of genetically-engineered creepy alien warriors, threatening to reveal Hercule wet the bed once as a kid if he refuses. It's riveting stuff, and since our heroine Android 18 was there valorously blackmailing Hercule into paying her millions for throwing the world martial arts championship she decides to tag along. And so do Goten and Trunks, because for some reason these derivative silly kid characters must be really popular in Japan.
Well, it turns out that the annoying shaman from the previous Broly movie stole a frozen sample of his blood and somehow knew Hercule's rival would be interested in obtaining it to make another bio-warrior. So because of this moron Broly is back and in Goten's words "the whole universe is in danger!" This time Broly is looking rather pathetic, nothing more than a big, dripping green vomit man with a few golden locks sticking out of the back of his head being the only thing reminding you that this is Broly. Depending on your point of view, it could be considered less humiliating than being pissed on by a little kid. Regardless, not even the writers can take the threat of Broly seriously at this point. The token character to come in and save the day is Krillin of all people, and as always he fails and does nothing to change the situation. Meanwhile huge mounds of purple goop from the bio-warrior factory is spilling out and melting everything in sight. It takes Goten and Trunks far too long to realize they're obviously not going to beat Broly, just like they couldn't beat him last time at the same power level. Trunks comes up with the idea to spill some of the ovulating ooze onto Broly and melt him. Because apparently this man-made sludge is stronger than super-powered space aliens. Too bad they couldn't just throw this stuff on Frieza!
Against all common sense, Trunks's plan succeeds and Broly dies a shameful death, changing his ice cream flavor from lemon-lime to the inferior grape. But wait, obviously the grape juice absorbs Broly's power and now, according to the presumably genius scientist who invented it, nothing can stop it and the world is doomed etc. Moments later it turns out seawater, one of the most basic substances on Earth, turns all the goop to stone for some reason. But wait! A giant Broly rises out of the sludge! And then promptly becomes stone. Well, all things considered that was pretty easy. No one is stronger, no lessons learned, and one of Dragon Ball Z's few victories won without brute force doesn't even make sense.
Well, I learned my lesson, albeit a bit too late. Don't watch Bio-Broly. But of course you're going to watch Bio-Broly, you're probably reading this because you're like me and don't want to put those hundreds of episodes and $12 figurines from your childhood to waste. Even if you're interested in Bio-Broly for the lore, it's a waste because it's referenced by almost no other Dragon Ball Z media. I've never even seen one of the video games use Bio-Broly's appearance. This is the only Dragon Ball Z movie that's been practically erased from the franchise's history, and for good reason: it has nothing to offer. Unless you really like Hercule. At least there's no post-grunge music in the dub this time around. The final scene of the movie straight up shoves its butt into the audience's face, as the dead Goku is told that Broly is literally raising Hell and King Kai wants Goku and Pikkon to stop him. This sets up yet another unwanted Broly sequel that ironically wasn't made for once, and also ironically sounds like a far more interesting scenario than what we got. Still, please don't come back, Broly.
