Look, I understand why ecchi anime exists. Yeah 90% of me finds the genre sexist and deplorable and not very progressive towards putting female characters in a positive light, but I get it. I'm not going to scream into a megaphone about how it's the worst thing ever, because it caters to an audience the same way horror films do. Not everyone is going to willingly purchase a ticket to see "Paranormal Activity 49: Dawn of the Ghosties", and that's OK. I'm not going to buy every DVD of "Ikki Tousen", but that's OK. Whatever.
But how do ecchi fans find "Master of Martial Hearts" entertaining? It does show nudity, but they're animated so poorly that it's not worth it to get excited about them. The animation in general is just so shoddy. This feels like it should've been in 2002, but this is 2008. 2008?! Ah, fall of 2008. The season of anime that brought us "Clannad: After Story", "Toradora!", and "Michiko to Hatchin" brings us "plastic breasts" and "rubber doll anatomy". The beauty! *vomits*
And can we just talk about that opening theme? I don't mind opening songs and I enjoy a lot of them, and some are even beautiful and unique. I've heard many people compare the singer of the opening song to a worse Avril Lavigne, and it's really the most accurate way to describe her. I only hope that someday she learned how to sing without going off key, but who knows. I think she may have been embarrassed to be apart of "Master of Martial Hearts" and decided to hide away in shame.
You would think that "Master of Martial Hearts" would be easy to get through since it's only 5 episodes in length. Yeah, "Pupa" and "Mars of Destruction" are less than an hour long and look how well people turned out from those monstrosities. These 5 episodes feel like a lifetime. It's like trying to binge watch "Naruto" in a day.
I know why we're all REALLY here, though. That last episode. That final middle finger of an episode that made me resent everything. You know, that final episode that has the "dark twist" that takes over fifteen minutes of expository dialogue to explain it (yeah, what if "The Sixth Sense" took a half hour to explain about Bruce Willis? 10/10 BEST MOVIE. M. NIGHT SHAMABAMARAMA IS THE NEW SPIELBERG.) The last episode is so absurd, so disgusting, so UNNECESSARY that it really seals the nail in the coffin that "Master of Martial Hearts" is for NO ONE. Ecchi fans would hate it because it does a poor job of being a strong asset in the genre, and the final episode is so UNSEXY that anyone who DOES find it even the slightest bit sexy needs to listen to an Enya CD and talk to a therapist. Women would hate it for its degrading portrayals of women as well as the constant fan service, as well as the outcomes of the characters in the final fifth episode. Anime fans would hate it because of the poor animation, soundtrack, characters, and multiple plot holes that the show was riddled with. Parents would hate it because they find it demeaning and would never show their children such a thing. Teachers would hate it because it teaches viewers absolutely nothing. Pets would hate it because it is so loud and obnoxious that it always makes them leave the room in a panicked stupor. Michael Bay would hate it because it didn't nearly have enough explosions to satisfy his cash boner. Time travelers would hate it because when they come to the past to find something to eternally preserve, if they watch this they will regret ever coming to the past and weep their way back to the future where they can have their minds controlled once more by the Squid-Men. God would hate it because it would make him question why he decided to create all of mankind. He promised he would never bring another flood, but he does so anyway. The oceans clash and the waves pour unto the cities. The buildings collapse and the people scream in agony. Their lives are at an end. They question why God would do this, didn't he love all of his children? So why take away their lives in such a wretched, cruel way? The world is cleansed, the last person swallows the saltwater that killed their friends and family. The world is silent. God sheds a tear. It is time to start again: to start a new population of humans. He will protect them this time. He will save them from such fates. A world...rid of those who created "Master of Martial Hearts".
This is the worst anime I've ever seen.
