a) The gripping character drama as relatable characters are forced into dangerous situations
b) The moral ambiguity of the conflict (good people having to do bad things)
c) The themes of loss, both of life and of innocence, on the battlefield
d) The tits and ass of the 14 year-old mecha pilot
If you answered D, congratulations! You might be a future light novel writer.
Every season of anime has one show that is so awful it can't even be enjoyed for its failings anymore. This season, one of the candidates for that prestigious wooden spoon falls to Heavy Object, a series based off a light novel (alarm bells ringing yet?) by the notoriously anal-retentive Kazuma Kamachi. While it isn't the absolute worst the season has produced so far, it's right near the bottom.
STORY- 1/10
The world of Heavy Object is one where the titular Objects, giant, round mecha, fight in a series of never-ending conflicts with laser guns and all sorts of other advanced technology. Just from reading the blurb on MAL and seeing the picture, I bet you'd expect a hilarious Michael Bay meets G Gundam-style train wreck with mecha beating the piss out of each other, deliciously hammy screaming, the power of nakama, and everything that possibly can blow up blowing up.
It's not.
While some shows might be terrible in both production values and story, they are just so delightfully over-the-top that you can derive all sorts of enjoyment from them. This show is not that at all. If Code Geass is the equivalent of two 747s colliding in midair, and Mirai Nikki is the equivalent of a fully-loaded freight train plowing a poor 16-wheeler who had the misfortune to stall right on the railroad tracks, Heavy Object is the equivalent of backing into a light pole in the neighborhood going 15 miles an hour.
"But surely," you say, "when two incredibly powerful and destructive mechs go at it, there's got to be something to enjoy, right?"
First off, a lot of the time it's not even two mecha fighting at all. The story is mainly about our two bland protagonists goofing off, being perverts, and...blowing up Objects with barely applicable "reasoning".
Yes, the most advanced technological weapon in the history of man, one that "was single-handedly able to change war forever", is defeated by two ordinary foot soldiers. And again, and again, and again, and again. You now have a good idea of the plot. It devalues the threat of the Objects so much because the countries that use them seem downright idiotic for letting two regular joes being able to blow them up on a regular basis. Hasn't anyone actually thought of preparing for sabotage, or trying to stop it?
As well as being utterly boring, it doesn't help that the show shoehorns in what seems like every light novel trope, in dead seriousness. There's constant gazes and glimpses of the schoolgirl mecha pilot's, well, ejection hatch, and most of the fanservice of both her and the attractive female commander (case in point: the infamous pole-dancing scene) comes off as completely out of place due to the fact that there's just so much of it despite it being completely superfluous and unnecessary. The commander wears kimonos that show off her shoulders and breasts. There's an idol singer who shows up for a few episodes. A private military contractor in the final few episodes dresses like maids, and they say "goshujinsama". I am not making this up. This is despite the ethnic makeup of every character that has appeared in the story being 0% Japanese.
At some point, you wonder if the writer has any idea what a war story, or mecha story, actually is. But that doesn't stop Kamachi.
One of the good parts of To Aru Majutsu no Index, as much as I had gripes with it, was how detailed its setting was. Almost every character and artifact that appeared had pages on who they were and why they were important, and it added a lot of depth to what would be a forgettable harem light novel. Heavy Object doesn't even have the worldbuilding aspect going for it. The world is fractured into all sorts of small countries fighting each other because...they are. That's it. This is compounded by the fact that the author seems to have no idea how an actual military works. Let's just say that anyone who's actually served overseas would be less than pleased at this anime's portrayal of war.
There's even times where the story tries to get serious, and bring questions of morality into the equation. The key word here is "tries", because it sure doesn't succeed. Characters will discuss the immoral side of war (while the enemies they're fighting are obviously and hilariously evil, mind you), and then the next scene will be another steamy fanservice scene in a change so quick it will give you whiplash. All the light novel tropes mentioned above makes it impossible to take any serious aspects of the story at face value, and the sheer cliche status of the characters makes it downright idiotic to try to introduce these "mature" elements. Morality is a key issue of war stories, but Heavy Object is too much of a joke to really even be considered one, and as such should never have attempted to get serious in the first place. I hear fans all over say that "you shouldn't take it seriously". However, why shouldn't I when it attempts to pose questions such as this? It clearly wants to take itself seriously. Why should it be judged as a parody?
CHARACTERS-1/10
Main characters Qwenthur and Havia are completely and totally depthless and generic, except for their perversity which seems to increase exponentially every arc. It's like the author decided to drop two harem MCs into a setting without even making it a harem, because both of them could be interchanged with any other light novel protag without missing a beat in the story.
But my major issue with them is that they're one of the biggest Gary Stu duos of the season. Remember the fact that Objects are supposed to be so powerful they make foot soldiers obsolete? Well, these two never lose against them. They do what is the equivalent of defeating a nuclear missile with a baseball bat, and they do it every single arc. You thought Touma and his "nullify everything" was bad? The amount of plot armor these two have could send an elevator into freefall just by getting on it. Because who needs narrative tension when you have plot armor? It's not helped by the fact that they're incredibly unsympathetic; they get away with almost everything questionable they do, and the show just laughs it off.
In contrast, Milinda, the female mecha pilot, exists only to lose. The ability of the protagonists to pull bullshit logic out of their asses allowing them to win is matched only by her ability to job in fights she clearly has the edge in. The only reason why she's there is to provide fanservice, which, as she is a major character, clearly signals something's wrong with that portrayal. "Depth" does not mean "bra size", "depth" means "backstory and motivations".
The female commanding officer is largely the same as Milinda, although she at least has a few lines explaining her situation and is reasonably competent at her job. Nonetheless, the characters are all so one-dimensional that it's nearly impossible to like them.
ART- 7/10
JC Staff, known for their adaptation of mediocre light novels like Shakugan no Shana, DanMachi, and the aforementioned Index, takes the helm on this production. The art is pretty good. I'll admit it's done quite well, and while some of the CGI might be a little shaky, it melds well most of the time. It's quite possibly the only thing saving this show in the first place.
SOUND-3/10
Both the music and the voice acting are completely bland and unforgettable. Despite there being some names in the cast that are recognizable, all the characters' voices are as generic as their personalities. The music is even more so; if anyone managed to get a track from this anime stuck in their head, I'd be impressed. It goes hand in hand with the low production values of the art, and adds the final cherry on top of this atrocity of an animated television series.
OVERALL-2/10
Heavy Object had the potential to be an at least sort-of enjoyable trainwreck, but as noted above, it couldn't even manage that. Instead what we got is a weird mishmash of all the wrong parts about serious war stories, hot-blooded mecha shows, and trashy LNs. When the art is the only thing saving you from a 1/10, you know something's wrong. Hope I could at least convince someone not to watch it, or to go into it with heavy apprehensions, and it leaves me with the final thoughts that Kazuma Kamachi really needs to step his game up.
