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humans have this strange idea that all movement in one's life can be spurred by a single epiphany. that one singular experience can change someone's entire outlook on life. it misconstrues, stretches, and distorts the value of true growth. growing as a person is earned through a variety of experiences, both good and bad. it's easy to twiddle your thumbs and wait for someone to come save you. it's hard to change your shape.

shimeji simulation pushes the very boundary of what's possible with a 4-koma structure. it's confusing, adorable, heartwrenching, and miserable and will leave you stunned by the end.. all while asking a simple ... question about what it really means to exist. tkmiz has such an incredible talent that's showcased as well here as it is in their other works, being able to write so freely and seemingly endlessly about the confines of our existence. if girls' last tour is about the beauty in the absence of knowledge in life, then shimeji simulation is about the terrifying presence of the unknown. the work feels very personal from all angles, from all of shimeji's introspection to the scenery of loneliness drawn onto the pages. i get the feeling that being able to draw such abstract shapes and concepts is refreshing for tkmiz and that they're really able to express themself more through their art in this manga. it's such an evolution of the style present in GLT that i can't help but once again compliment the experimentation done with the shapes of everything: characters, backgrounds, objects and all. tkmiz has really outdone themself.

the pitfalls of this manga lie in the fact that it takes a bit for the ball to really get rolling. you really need to put about ~10-20 chapters into this before things really start taking off, and the entire experience feels pretty favorable to the ending. it's a worthwhile ending at its core but some readers will have a hard time putting in the investment and that's why i can't recommend it to everybody. if you're really a fan of slice of life manga though, i'd really recommend this for its take and commentary on the formula.

shimeji simulation is a manga, plain and simple. a manga about pushing the limits of what's possible in reality, our hollow loneliness, and the beauty of company. it's a commentary on singularity as human beings. it's an escher painting, penned with impossible complexities and probability and published by love. or.. was it a flounder? i can't remember.

memories are like a substance, slipping viscously through the wrinkles and folds of a mind and finding their way into scenarios where they often times shouldn't be. this substance, however, never corrodes no matter how much time passes. the feeling in the air, the love in your heart, even the sounds are all echoed and strewn about your soul shining brightly as a reminder of the time long gone.

'yume no hashibashi' is not subversive of expected yuri tropes, and for once, i think that this simplicity works for it instead of against it. it's a bitter story with a structure that seems to unravel itself ... into a delectable meal and upon truly being able to dig into it you see how all the pieces come together. it's so refreshing to see the author depicting the struggles and hardships of growing up as a woman and the pains of expectations and using it to expand on feelings left stranded in the past. yumi sudou is the first author to make grandma yuri actually work and instead of playing it off as a joke it's expanded upon and pushed to subversive and spectacular heights. when reading i really got thinking about some of shuninta amano's works, as they feel really similar in composition. the scenes flashing back having more and more detail as time goes on and the general shell of this story all feel very amano-esque in a great way.

i cried a lot reading this. i feel as though it's because it reflects my own life as i make my way into adulthood and forge a path into the unknown but also due to the wistful, tired, retro feel of the series in general. seeing such a sincere story weave its way between generations while being thoughtful and sweet gives me hope to create new memories in the present and future, and urges me to appreciate the ones i've already made in the past.

amano shuninta has an incredible talent for creating dense stories that have an incredible amount of layers to them. what we have here is absolutely no different. whether it's the first chapter or the last, whether you're reading one chapter or them all, any break will yield some sort of internal dialogue, requiring you to look inside and think deeper. if you've read any of shuninta's other works, you'll be happy to find that the same rich and down to earth storytelling is present here, arguably in its most faceted form. where 'philosophia' is a memory, 'watashi no sekai wo kousei suru chiri no you ... na nani ka' is a feeling.

the manga itself acts as what can only be described as a bookend to the uncomfortable stage in your twenties where you feel 'not-so-adult' and 'not-so-childish' and the characters here play off this with their overlapping emotions and motivations. there is a group of highways i've seen before that perfectly explains how everyone connected. each and every one of them has a separate path, yet they remain bound together, almost like latticework in composition. memories from childhood clash with reality, lessons learned are exemplified in the hurt that everyone feels as yet another part of growing up.

these girls are growing into their identities as lesbians, and discovering the difficult and painful feelings that come with it. all the hurt, all the nasty and disgusting bits that you wish you could push down inside yourself when they surface exist here, wedged between highs and lows alike. knowing something like that about yourself and growing into accepting it is never easy and it's exactly why i'm glad that amano shuninta pulls no punches when writing these stories. they are, after all, the feelings we all must endure.

i was recommended this by my girlfriend (she has an incredible eye for yuri, as well as media in general) and i couldn't be happier to have read it. the best moments here are the tense ones, and i wouldn't listen to those who say that they're 'unrealistic' or 'out of place'. amano shuninta's best writing comes in these very moments, the ones that leave a deep gash in you and make you feel something tight in your chest. if you enjoy yuri that is down to earth, honest with itself, and respects the reader's comprehension skills i would say this is an absolute must-read.

what i'm left with after reading this is both a question and an answer.

what is next for me?

time knows. for now, the blue, faint, still distant future is beautiful.

'beck' is a coming of age story drenched in all the pains of childhood, with growing pains included. it is not a perfect anime, but it really doesn't have to be; this show knows what it is and takes it in stride.

much like FLCL, beck wears its western influences on its sleeve by weaving them into its musical tones and story beats. i cannot claim to be a musical expert by any means (especially in the realm of classic rock), but even i can see how much heart and soul from the genre was poured into each and every song played. the music comes across ... magically with how it is incorporated into the show and utilizes it to give the viewer an incredible window into the characters' motivations, thoughts and feelings. it's the string that ties the characters together and the narrative to them.

the story here feels like something straight out of a 50s all-american rock movie or an MTV made for TV movie and i mean that in every single way. it's an inspiring story about growing up and learning your own path in life, but it can also be incredibly shallow when not doing its best to convey this and that has to be one of my biggest gripes with it. if you are invested in anyone besides koyuki or ryuusuke you can pretty much forget about them. this isn't to say that they are completely static characters who do not change at all but they do suffer a lot due to having to make room for koyuki's development, and a perfect example of this is maho. much like those 50s rock movies the show takes inspiration from, it forgets to make its female characters do anything outside of developing its male characters. lots of multi-dimensional writing for maho is sacrificed to make room for her to be more like a trophy, the main character's prize for claiming his youth. trust me, i understand that she is the romantic interest in this plot but it becomes difficult to see her as anything but when that is literally the only context we see her in and it's a big issue that exists in stories like this. i enjoy mamimi in FLCL because she acts like a human, she is someone who emotes in ways that are relatable and understandable for someone in her position; i do not enjoy maho in beck because she acts as a goalpost to mark the end of the hero's journey when there is so much potential lost in her character. this can be said even for the male characters (except for the romance part, obviously) as they also feel somewhat one-note at times and lose out on moments that could be really great for their characters. it is not perfect.

reading all of this, you might assume that i really dislike this show but you could not be further from the truth. i really do love it. for every single less than ideal moment there are ten moments where i was shocked by the beautiful development of koyuki as a protagonist and blown away by the visuals. the way the story is structured really makes use of every episode and shows us just a sliver of koyuki's life. as little as it may be, it is something that viewers will hold close to them and continue to think about for a long time; much like youth itself.

i love beck.

hikaru no go's timeless premise elevates the game of go to levels higher than anyone could ever imagine. a game invented so long ago continuing to evolve to this day is a testament to its longevity and appeal. fujiwara no sai says it best: 'even after a thousand years, there are some things that never change. the snow, and the hot battle above the goban. each hand reveals what's in the heart of the player.'

the reception of the manga and subsequent popularity spike in go at the time of its release should speak volumes to its quality. the usage of go as a narrative ... device to showcase and elevate hikaru's growth here is unique in that you are watching a child grow up alongside his love for the game. hikaru starts as an abrasive, bratty child with no interest in playing go but eventually evolves into a young man whose passion for the game extends beyond comprehension and into the stars. it's one of yumi hotta's greatest writing strengths, spinning these dynamic characters and weaving them into and around one another. it really feels as though there is one massive go world at play here, with each and every prominent character working their way into hikaru's play style and remaining existent in his life. they're working ward the same as hikaru is, achieving their dreams alongside him whether that be from beside him or completely separate. it’s inspiring in a way that only a manga about a board game can be.

i thoroughly enjoyed my time with hikaru no go for its subversion of classic shonen tropes and its willingness to give readers something fresh. the genre of shonen is absolutely at its best when showcased in new ways and this is exactly what that is. even without muscular, testosterone filled heroes, the battles are still exciting and complicated and the art elevates them to another level. each placement of a stone from a careful hand feels like it determines life or death as the game advances and the feeling of excitement gained from each move never gets stale.

this manga has truly touched me in a way that i have not experienced in some time. it is not for its incredible themes, its complicated metaphors and symbolism. it's special because of go. the game exists as we continue to evolve around it. in this way, go will never stop being played. maybe that says something about this manga. that the story of hikaru, searching for the hand of god, will continue to reinvent itself as the game continues to be played.

(note: i thought sai was a girl for about fifty chapters. he is still a girl in my mind)

'family' and 'love' are not always synonymous with one another. birth is not a tree which doles out equal fruit, it is not a golden goose which produces only miracles. not every child is brought up with the love of their family to guide them. adults push their sins onto their children and call it love, twisting the word and causing the kids to pass this on. each generation is made to hold the sins of the last and the children live with the original sin of existence, going their whole lives feeling dejected and unwanted.

'love' is a superfluous, dull word when spent on children ... that are not truly touched by it.

penguindrum is perplexing, a series with a definitive beginning, middle, and end yet many pieces to put together in between. the story is an onion, buried under layers of skin that the viewer must do away with to truly claw at and begin to tear open their experience. each episode unlocks a different door by providing more context, alternate angles from which the audience must look at the characters. there is nobody here that is innocent, there is not one of them with clean hands by the end of the story. the way in which the show conveys its message goes hand in hand with its layout while not hurting the overall experience, and it's a testament to the multitudes of ways for a story to unfold. i'm incredibly thankful that this show wasn't condensed into twelve episodes, it feels like it could have done extensive damage to the narrative and it's nice to see a show that takes its time setting every single piece in motion while managing to not feel too long. it's perfect.

'family' is a mirage created by attempts to shadow a broken home disrupted by the child.

from beginning to end, i was swept off my feet by the setpieces and flair in this series, each of them having a reason to exist and a metaphor to back them and give context for their existence. the locations shown are few, but each cements itself perfectly as a cornerstone of the story in a way that they stick with the viewer, reminding them of past events simply by existing. the whole experience feels sentimental, coming to me from a place of hurt in an attempt to understand and process the feelings with which i am left upon reaching the ending of this story. some episodes feel bright and airy, others feel grim and aimless (a good thing in this context) with no silver line, and each moment is interlaid with beautiful shots that help to ground the metaphors, acting as a base for them to build off of.

it is left to the children to mold the world their parents place in their hands. it is only they who can define 'family' and 'love'.

this series means a lot to me. as someone who has never had siblings, i initially felt as though i would not get as much out of it and that most of the feelings would be empty, placed into my mind. i'm happy to say that i was incorrect. what i'm left with after experiencing something like this is more than words can detail, it's a feeling of peace and clarity that i have been looking for my whole life. needless to say.. i love the word 'fate'.

'BanG Dream! It's MyGO!!!!!' expands on the format already established by the first three seasons of the anime while bringing with it amazing visuals and brilliant characters, all delivered with excellent emotional moments and writing.

there are few things that can compare to losing a friend. the hole in your life they tear open by leaving, the gap in days where they used to be and the reminders of memories you made staring you all in the face. maybe it was a wrong turn you took that drove them away, perhaps it was something you said or maybe your paths were never meant to cross in ... the first place. the spring sunlight paints over the memories, and leaves a gallery in your mind of the moments lost to time. this is exactly what the show feels like, a showcase of tomori's memories that stretches out into melancholy vistas that will put tears in your eyes and make you reflect on your own life, on the people you have lost and can never go back to.

tomori herself is a particular favorite of mine for everything done with her character. she's a hurt girl with everything to lose, nothing but her words to guide her in an uncertain world where everything feels dangerous because she's terrified of being hurt again. hina yomiya's voice provides incredible depth to her character, making tomori's most emotional scenes feel real in a way i do not have words for. soyo is also a standout, her lowest moments coinciding with tomori's and her overall deceptive nature were both compelling points to her character that were executed perfectly, specifically the scene with saki.

this anime takes these emotions and weaves them into a story about learning to move on and let go while entangling each passing moment with gorgeous visuals that will leave you stunned. it's truly amazing how much sanzigen can squeeze out of these models, the raw emotion and visual complexity that's able to be achieved here really impressed me especially in comparison to some of their other projects (bandori s2 specifically).

it goes without saying that this show is definitely not perfect. off the top of my head i can think of at least three episodes that are entirely unnecessary and i would actually recommend people just watch the first twelve episodes, thirteen really felt unnecessary and disconnected from the main plot. the ending here is actually nonexistent as well, which is fine for those who play the mobile game but must be jarring for those who do not. rana's character, while having a few good moments is entirely unnecessary, clearly there to fill out a fifth character position. i still love her though, as i do all of the main cast.

all in all, the release of this anime was a breath of fresh air breathed into the bandori franchise, bringing emotional storytelling to the forefront that makes for a well rounded experience, all things considered. i'm incredibly pleased with the direction of the series and how competent it seems to be when writing its characters and fleshing them out, and excited for the future of bandori's forays into anime.

esoteric, beautiful, touching, down to earth, and above all, real.

'NHK ni Youkoso' is a very palpable deconstruction of the emotions, struggles, and experience of being a shut-in. this anime does not pull its punches with very human storytelling that never feels too out of reach for what reality is, that people are awful. we're selfish beings, looking to find someone that's worse than us and use them to make ourselves feel better. other shows would sit you in a mech and show you humanity tearing itself apart for 23 episodes to accomplish this, but it ends up hitting much closer to home when reflected onto ... characters that are so grounded in reality. the storytelling here is so touching because it ends up hitting all the right places for the target audience in a way that many things are unable to, and it's refreshing to see something so honest to what the meaning of 'loneliness' is.

when backed into a corner, when at our absolute lowest, people tend to want something tangible that they can blame. something they can point at and place all faults on without any consequences. the existence of an 'NHK', whether it be delusion or reality is an incredibly powerful and ingenious storytelling device that shows many sides of characters that would otherwise be unknown to the viewer. its very existence as something to bounce problems off of showcases just what issues lie in blaming something for issues the cast may have or hardships they may face. in time we see the characters deal with moving away from this blame

everyone wants a misaki in their life but they are afraid of the megumi she may become or the hitomi she once was. everyone wants a satou in their life until it comes time to deal with the yamazaki he turns into when coddled and is afraid of the progress it might take for him to become a yuuichi. 10/10 changed my life beautiful themes

After seven more viewing sessions and multiple rewatches of the anime, I think I finally understand how close-minded I was being in my first review. This movie is not about challenging any sort of narrative of how idol anime has been. This movie is absolutely not a commentary on the idol industry, either.

No, this movie is about acceptance. A melancholy, aching pain that's in the back of your mind telling you that at some point, you're going to have to say goodbye. A feeling that, no matter what you do, you're going to walk a different path from the people in your life and part ... ways with them, grow distant and leave your bonds behind. Nothing is permanent, nothing in your life is set in stone and stagnant. It's a scary thought, sure, but the writers never sugarcoat it.

By primarily showcasing this beautiful story as much more of a play and less of a real (or perhaps 'traditional') movie, the overall story is given so much more room to breathe. If we had scenes of the girls traveling on the train from Revue to Revue, it would quickly begin to get redundant and annoying, but instead we're given these short bouts of wonderous action, storytelling, and scenery that showcase to any viewer exactly what these characters are all about. Their struggles, their gripes with one another.

Perhaps what makes Revue Starlight: The Movie so good is that it really does feel like you're watching an animated play. Most of the scenes take place in the metaphorical and not what is literally happening, and it's up to you, the viewer, to sift through and find out what things mean. It challenges your mind to think about these characters and dig deep to find why they feel the way they do. Why is Hikari acting so antagonistic towards Karen? Why is Nana back to the way she was in Rondo? This movie doesn't treat you like you're dumb. It challenges you, brings up confusing counterarguments and difficult situations for the characters you've known in the anime and really shakes them up, makes them uncomfortable, like fish out of water-- but also gives you all the pieces to draw these conclusions yourself.

Every time you watch this movie, you will discover something new, put another piece in the puzzle. By my most recent rewatch I was a little confused about what the purpose of the vegetables was, but by the end I was able to finally put it all together. Moments like this are exactly why I rewatch this movie-- not just for the beautiful songs that just never seem to lose their impact or charm, not just for the wrenching and difficult emotions I'm left with after watching the final act, not even to see Claudine and Maya be lesbians for the thousandth time in the series. It's because it makes you think.

Revue Starlight: The Movie will always be apart of me, somewhere deep in my mind to remind me of exactly why I love theater so much. These characters will always mean something to me, this movie will always be apart of who I am, but even I must know that at some point I'll need to say goodbye. When that day comes.. I'll be the emptiest I've ever been.

yuri continues to outdo yaoi both narratively and literally.

mobile suit gundam: the witch from mercury is a show that has a ton of depth and realism to it. many character motivations and personalities are at play here, and the reason for this is to convey that the universe the show is set in is, much like our own, made up of people both good and bad. humanity, birth, life and death are struggling factors at odds with one another here in a conflict that takes center stage in a conflict which feels very real and grounded. this is only helped by the world containing ... details that just fit perfectly in a depiction of the modern world spread out through space. 'zaku' (using this term very lightly) being used to patrol settlements in space and the deployment of smaller mobile suits on the ground in earth are both things that feel at home in a conflict that could take place in our world. otherwise, the world building with different components of ships having features where you stop and think 'yeah, that makes sense.' when you see them is something i really admire.

in terms of the meat of this show (that being the characters and the story), suletta and miorine are amazing characters. listen to everyone else when they say that you will end up wanting merch of them both by the end. prospera is an incredibly faceted character who tinkers with suletta's emotions in interesting ways and never shows all the cards in her hand, and i could go on like this for most of the cast. where the story falters, however, is towards the beginning of the season. it felt like the writers couldn't commit to a single person they wanted to be with suletta, like they were just throwing characters at our mc like you would see in a harem anime. it ended up making a character's death feel not as impactful considering we'd just see the next person to duel suletta for her hand in the next episode. thankfully, the next episode came and went and then the next.. all without any of this. i'm happy to say that, while annoying, this gripe is not enough to bring the quality of the show down significantly.

mecha fights are the best when they're clean showcases of why our main character is the one in the pilot's seat and suletta mercury does this perfectly with her very clear connection to aerial. the fights finish up quickly enough but are always spectacles to behold (with the animation for the GUND-bits being something that i specifically enjoyed for whatever reason?) and don't feel too unrealistic for the most part. there are some times where there is a little classic mecha 'if i believe in myself, and trust in the gundam, i can do this!' cheese, but it's not overly annoying or anything that should take away from anyone's enjoyment of the show. my only question being..

when will yaoi fire back?

all in all, this is a very cute first season of gwitch that i'm certain will pick up more in season two. suletta and miorine are in LESBIAN LOVE and yeah.. it's good. watch it