So It's 8AM where I am and I've been up all night. Caught up on AOTS2 and it isn't time for bed just yet. So what do I do? I watch that last Ao Oni short that I've been putting off forever because that show was just so dreadful and I couldn't bear to see that in my watch list anymore. What brought me to this heinous overstatement of a horror anime was when I was typing Ao Oni in the search bar it turned up this. My first thought was not, "Don't watch it, these shorts were awful enough," and that was the one
...
thought that may have saved me from the most mundane hour of my life, and I've laid awake at night doing nothing before. This was just so fucking bad, I don't even know where to begin.
CGI. That's where I'll begin. It looked like Studio Deen made a conscious attempt to make a $20 anime so they could sell a SINGULAR COPY for $20 and make back all the money they just wasted instead of actually trying and risking the loss of revenue. It looked worse than a poorly crafted vinyl figurine, and don't get me started on the fucking PEZ DISPENSER MOUTHS. South Park's pilot episode was more masterfully animated than this anime which I can only refer to now as a literal waste receptacle. That girl with the twin tails looked like they pasted horrendously lossy jpgs of actual fruits from the tree of might to her head, which brings forth the question... Actually no, I'm just gonna leave the roast to set in without any jokes to ease it down. They know what they did.
More qualms with appearances is how abnormal the anatomy actually was, especially on the monster. Now I understand that Ao Oni is supposed to have an abnormal anatomy because he's not a human (evidently he's mummified human genitalia so this entire film can literally swallow an Ao Oni whole), but the monster is humanoid in nature. By that regard, I expect it to be able to look like it can support it's own bloody head. My dude looked like that one titan from the first episode of the second season who I believe everyone will know if I called him Pinhead Larry. My dude looks like his head is about to be stepping out from behind a tree on a next level face reveal. My dude look like some other pop culture reference that acutely roasts him for having a head as obnoxiously massive as his. (I was looking for his head is bigger than Orisa's). Next point, the shine on everyone's hair is nearly blinding. Not actually blinding, but why is there so fucking much? Like serious. And then there's that weird texture on every flat surface that gives me the impression that there's cat nip infused with every surface and there's just a singular cat who wants to explore all of it.
The characters, o lord Jesus, the characters. You will not remember a single one of them. Except for maybe the one that tripped. Shit, I didn't remember a single name during the film and it was like I was constantly having to be introduced again and again, but BOY DOES THIS ANIME LOVE IT'S EXPOSITION DUMPS I- ER MEAN INTERPERSONAL INTERACTIONS. Everyone talks. So. Fucking. Much, and conversations drag on atrociously long and they still manage to get nothing done. "The bloke that made that one game that everyone like is dead, you think Ao Oni did it?" Well yeah, if he didn't you wouldn't have this piss poor excuse for a movie. I don't have other examples because I don't fucking remember, but take my word for it, every conversation in this train wreck is purely the textbook cafe exposition dump, except with dead people and fake mystery.
Then there was the plot twist. It was a shitty one, I saw it coming from leagues upon leagues away. Seriously, we know that senpai character was just sketchy because there was something going down then BAM new supposedly attractive female character is introduced and then they start talking about sex or something and then the predictions start to feel like playing connect the dots when the picture is like a fucking stick or something. And not one of those hyper artistic sticks, like a literal line. That's how bad it is.
The audio is horrible. I watched this on my home theater system and I never even noticed there was music when they weren't shoving horror chords into the most unpleasant orifice that they could determine through my speakers. I gave it a two though because the credits music was pretty dope. Well maybe it was just decent but it sounded better because it marked the end of this uh... (I'm running out of actual insults for this piece of "art" so I'm going to start calling it dinosaur names until I think of something better) brachiosaurus of a collective endeavor of office dwelling content creators.
This was a mistake.
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Apr 24, 2017
Ao Oni The Animation (Movie)
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So It's 8AM where I am and I've been up all night. Caught up on AOTS2 and it isn't time for bed just yet. So what do I do? I watch that last Ao Oni short that I've been putting off forever because that show was just so dreadful and I couldn't bear to see that in my watch list anymore. What brought me to this heinous overstatement of a horror anime was when I was typing Ao Oni in the search bar it turned up this. My first thought was not, "Don't watch it, these shorts were awful enough," and that was the one
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