Can I recive some feedback my Manga Idea?

Sep 29, 2013 2:26 AM

Offline

Sep 2013

Hi! I'm 13 years old and this is my first attempt at creating a manga it's not fully developed , it's inspired by Dante's Inferno

Title: Pure/ Evil
Genre:Action/Adventure

The devil’s plan is finally put to action .In Year 5000, Human technological progression is at a standstill unable to sustain enough resources for the overflowing population of humanity, results in the genocide of those deemed unworthy and useless to humanity, sparking countless wars between the upper-class and middle-class/lower-class. Until a strange huge galactic entity named exodus appeared blessed them with the technology, knowledge and a strange unknown resource that works as energy, that not only helped them thrive on earth but their whole solar system. Now named Space King Exodus, it is deemed a god and is worshiped, it's worshipers are marked with a bar code and are the only one allowed in the technological wondrous cities, they are the privileged class. Then there are unmarked class they don’t worship him, they live outside of the cities with almost no technology, as they resent the privileged for the past wars, they are forced to obey the privileged to survive. This is the way on each planet. But then a portal hole appeared on each planet, it soon stated by exodus that the hole on each of the 9 planets lead to their particular circle of hell, the circles radiates evil, slowly transforming each planet into that particular circle, allowing the creatures and guardians of each circle to come out, it also transforms random people and animals into abominations. Only the cities and bar marked people are safe. If a planet is fully transformed this means total damnation for all humans on that planet . Exodus reveals that the only way to close the hole is to find the “Seal of Purgatory” hidden far away in the universe, the catch is there is only one and there are 9 circles so now once again it’s a war between humans as the privileged of each planet sends groups of the unmarked out to find the seal to save their planet.

Mercury -Limbo
Venus- Lust
Earth- Gluttony
Mars-Greed
Jupiter- Anger
Saturn- Hersey
Uranus- violence
Neptune-Fraud
Pluto-Treachery ( Where Lucifer resides)
Additional details: Each planet has a " Pure"', special humans that are immune to the circles evil and can prevent people from turning into abominations, they each have specific powers and an arch angel guarding them.

Sep 29, 2013 8:37 AM

Jenguin

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Mar 2013

250

It sounds really complicated, I feel like it might be hard to follow.

Sep 29, 2013 9:12 AM

Bebeking

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Sep 2013

Thank you for the reply, what makes it hard to follow? and how can I make it easier to understand ?

Sep 29, 2013 8:23 PM

TheKaiserKnight

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Jun 2013

100

Bebeking said:
Thank you for the reply, what makes it hard to follow? and how can I make it easier to understand ?

I think it's hard to understand why the Devil needed to have humanity leave Earth for more planets and how it relates to any plan. The devil is usually depicted as wanting to conquer god's realm or something along those lines of warring with a god or gods. It's hard to understand why he wants to have humanity fight each other. Unless it's just for the Evulz, which doesn't add as much depth as a legitimate reason for this. It usually adds depth to have for the Evulz when it isn't someone who is naturally expected to do so since it has moral lessons like "There are people who just want to watch the world burn" or "There are people who are born evil".

Is it because he needs followers?

And would humanity fighting really give him those unless said otherwise that they are joining the devil?

Is Exodus a supernatural enemy of the Devil like god or something? Or is he just a cosmic being that is a sentient force of nature that wants humanity to survive. Or is he really a villain with how he just leads the people to planets that he must have known would have those circles?

TheKaiserKnightSep 29, 2013 8:28 PM

The devils baking a damn barbeque out here. Imma shit on the baked chicken.

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Can I recive some feedback my Manga Idea?

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