FLUID

Sep 23, 2013 5:36 PM

Offline

Sep 2013

Started writing out the story from my notes. Can't blog it yet but you can read it here: http://www.quotev.com/story/3812858/Fluid/1/

I wrote this story last spring and showed it too my friend who is very into anime. He told me he hasn't seen the idea in anime yet so I hope he is right :x

NOTE: Sorry for the long character descriptions but I feel like the characters mean more than the overall plot.

Characters:
Luke 23: - Was troubled as a teen. Has 1 bad relationship in high school before he met April, who he dated from 16-20 (she broke up with him). (The breakup also causes Luke to reflect on how he treated his now dead mother as a teenager). This bad relationship caused Luke to look down upon himself. Luke is very understand of other people and their problems but he cannot figure himself out. He considers this a curse though because he is only able to internalize other peoples pain and therefore never experiences "happiness".

April 21: In high school her only aspiration was to finish school and start a life with Luke. She fell head over heels for him at 14 but fell in love with a boy named Mark when she turned 18, causing her to break up with Luke. April and Mark dated for two years but she broke up with him because he just wanted to play in a band. The breakup caused April to lose all sentimental value of sex (he took her virginity) and the purpose of love. She currently is focused on college, partying, and maybe adopting a child as a single parent.

Mark 22: Has played guitar in a band since he was in high school. He knows he hangs out with the wrong crowd (groupies, drug addicts, ect) but he loves the feeling of being "cool". In high school he got with April because his band mates pressured him into losing his virginity. He did have feelings for April but it wasn't until they broke up that he realized she meant more to him then his band. Mark currently is obsessed with tracking down April and getting her back at any and all cost. Some would say mark has lost his mind.

Jacklyn 22: Luke dated Jacklyn in high school but broke up with her because she was emotionally abusive. She would talk down to Luke and make him feel worthless all the while venting all her problems to him. Luke didn't really care about himself so he wasn't in the state of mind to see how bad the relationship was until Jacklyn broke up with him. The feeling of being left alone drove Luck into a deep depression until he met April. Jacklyn felt like April took what was hers and has been obsessed with making sure Luck gets no one but herself. Currently she lives up the block from Luke and occasionally flirts with him because she sees him as a back up in case she is single later in life.

The scientist: We never learn much about this guy other then the fact he has a secret cloning lab run by the government. Unfortunately the cloning lab is shut down due to religious propaganda. Oh I must not forget the fact that he is related to April but in what way?

The story in a brief summary (edited 9/29/13)

Luke, a depressed teen questions every aspect of the world he lives in after seeing the "truth" about the cruel world. He meets April and there is something about her that just sticks with him, although he does not believe in true love. Meanwhile April's father is working with the government to create super soldiers, which is believed to be a way to end all war and conflict in the world. Aprils father has his own agenda though, and April becomes a victim of it. Questions such as what is the meaning of life, does love exist, what happens to the dead, do actions from the past truly effect the present, does religion have truth, is something truly good or bad and more are brought up as Luke battles loss, triumph and death. -Fluid-

NearformSep 29, 2013 1:04 AM

Sep 23, 2013 6:07 PM

Mogu-sama

Offline

Aug 2013

3680

Sidenote, I'd suggest, if you haven't already, to scan all that handwriting. And save it on your computer/online.

Also, hiring an assassin, I wouldn't say that groupies or the drug crowds you'd find in high school would be at all connected to assassination. If you're going to play that straight, make sure it's believable and that Mark didn't just use "Well, I have connections" as a way to explain that away.

Aaaaalso, this is set in a Sci-Fi setting I assume? Might want to be careful with that, opening the door with things like cloning can be dangerous (Plot holes everywhere).

Also, the story appears convoluted from my once over. Having a character focused story is fine, but it's hard to give it an impact if the plot seems to be all over the place, even something simple is better than incomprehensible (In the idea of character driven stuff). But, as you said, you haven't explained it all, so I might be missing a lot.

I'd suggest drawing the general path of the plot out, bullet points, it's easier for people to understand the overall story direction. If you're trying to get people interested, that is.

It looks like you've put a lot of energy into this, keep it up.

Random title idea: Fluid.

Want to talk?
Club!

"Would you like an anti-psychotic?"

*Bonus points if you leave a comment about the meaning of my signature.*

Sep 23, 2013 6:14 PM

Nearform

Offline

Sep 2013

I might get it scanned if I can find a place to scan it.
Sci-Fi would be correct.
Well the assassin actually doesn't know who Mark is. Mark went through someone named Cyprus (as you said, part of the story I never talked about).
Fluid sounds catchy.
I don't mind talking.

Sep 23, 2013 6:19 PM

Maria_Sama

Offline

Jun 2013

1298

This is the first time that I'll say this. Your story sounds pretty good, I usually read shitty stories on this kind of threads, but yours is really worthy.

Keep up the good work!

Xinil said:
Thanks for joining MAL.

JOIN MAH CLUB http://myanimelist.net/clubs.php?cid=38595

Sep 23, 2013 6:23 PM

WalkingMisery

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Feb 2013

597

Not mah thang.

Sep 23, 2013 6:24 PM

Nearform

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Sep 2013

Why thank-you. Comments like yours inspire me to want to make time to just type it all out. :)

Sep 28, 2013 2:42 PM

Nearform

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Sep 2013

Just finished writing the back story (parts 1-8) so I figured I would post sketches of Luke and April

(working on figuring on bbcode. Links for now)

I did not sketch these and I will give credit to the artist when he/she tells me the name they would like to go by.

April

http://s772.photobucket.com/user/Justin_Standow/media/April_zps1389c38b.jpg.html

Luke

http://s772.photobucket.com/user/Justin_Standow/media/Luke_zps1b2cebe4.jpg.html

NearformSep 28, 2013 2:57 PM

Sep 29, 2013 1:14 AM

AntiHero92

Offline

Aug 2013

Hey bro, the overall concept of your story sounds really, really interesting, I dig it. At first, I was a bit skeptical when you were introducing the characters, ___. ___. ___. scientist (wtf?). Then, I got it, (*__*).

I understand that this is a rough layout of where you want your story to head and lacks detail, so that's cool. I can also see the deep philosophical concepts that can be applied to your story. I mean, we distinguish ourselves from others, from our looks, personality, etc, but what happens when it is exactly identical to another person (clone) and how do you know who to love when they are the exact same? Clone or the 'real' deal, lul that's cool man. It reminded me of an anime called Kokoro Connect and a character in it called Iore Nagase. I'll put it in a spoiler incase you don't want it spoiled and plan to watch it, it's not anything toooooo show-breaking though.

AntiHero92Sep 29, 2013 1:18 AM

Sep 29, 2013 5:21 PM

Nearform

Offline

Sep 2013

Kororo Connect seems interesting. I checked the spoiler but I may watcher later (like write it down and check it out in a few months :p)

Thanks kuuurt, I agree with you.
My main focus is making sure all the philosophy isn't laid out at once or left open to the point that the whole story becomes a philosophy cluster fuck that is just too confusing or over complicated to follow (or even worse just forced out without a purpose)

Sep 30, 2013 5:16 AM

#10

Radiene

Offline

Jun 2013

2397

Quite interesting compared to the others posting at this part of the forums.

Not your typical cliched fantasy bullshit.

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