Why I do not like Violet

perseii said:
"Ghosting", as you put it, may not have been the best choice, but still an understandable one. The two of them were forcibly separated in battle, and after some time has passed while recovering, "just leaving things be" does seem like a reasonable course of action to me. Tracking the other person down just to cut/lessen ties with her might very well turn out worse, especially if that person is "obsessed".

But to be fair, I also think that's a pretty generous interpretation of Gilbert's character, because it doesn't look like he was thinking in terms of "ending their toxic relationship" anyway. If he really cared about staying away from Violet for her (and his) sake, then I would expect him to be trying a little harder to rebuild his life and find happiness. Instead, he came across as consumed by guilt and self-loathing, more like "I don't deserve her and I don't deserve happiness".

For me, the character as a concept could still have been interesting and sympathetic, but the actual writing was confusing and not satisfying, like something was missing.

I really don't like this trope either, but I could at least forgive the initial confession for depicting a distorted relationship that was formed in the horrors of war. 

Although Gilbert was not a child soldier, we do see that he also led an unhappy life, a lot of it related to the military (expectations from his soldier father, strained relationship with his brother, difficulty dealing with wartime casualties and atrocities). As I was watching the show, I interpreted their relationship as between two traumatized, emotionally stunted people who were stuck in an abnormal, horrible situation together. 

It was, as you say, unhealthy, but it was still genuine, and ended up becoming a starting point for Violet, post-war. It would have been for the best to leave it behind and grow beyond it, which the show did (I believe you disagree on this, but it felt like the show was trying to at least). 

Even when the movie brought this relationship back into focus, I still thought this had potential to be an interesting and emotional story. Now that both of them are a little older and had a chance to grow, how will they approach their relationship now? Will they completely start over? What will it be like now that they're not in the military and they've each built new lives for themselves?

I think the movie was in a unique position to tell a mature and complex story about the age gap problem. Again, it could have. It's just a shame it defaulted to the idea that the original relationship was completely valid and all-conquering.

It was, as you say, unhealthy, but it was still genuine, and ended up becoming a starting point for Violet, post-war. It would have been for the best to leave it behind and grow beyond it, which the show did (I believe you disagree on this, but it felt like the show was trying to at least). 

Pityfool said:
I'm somewhat surprised by people calling the movie out for having a "sappy love story/fairytail ending", because to have an ending where both Gilbert and Violet end up living entirely separate lives (aware of each other or not), and regardless of martial status, is the true "sappy love story/fairytail ending"; it would have been a too-perfect progression from scarring>growth>resolution/reintegration.

Grief doesn't always resolve itself, and I think this perfectly flawed relationship could definitely be considered a natural outcome building from the very beginning.

perseii said:
I'm interested in why you say the two of them moving on with their separate lives is the "sappy love story/fairytail ending". Are you really saying that it's sappier than the story where the woman finds out that the man she long thought dead is in fact alive, ending with the woman crying her heart out when the man comes back for her?

If what you're actually saying is that a "resolution/reintegration" storyline is trope-y, then I agree with you. But I think it's at least as trope-y as an "end up together against all odds" storyline, and now it just comes down to personal preference. I'm not really against "end up together", but it would have taken a lot of thoughtful characterization and development to bring me on board.

And I just felt that the "flaws" of their relationship were not really explored in the movie. Gilbert was struggling with "I put her through horrible things", while Violet took the position of "none of that matters, you are my everything". In the end, Gilbert gave in and agreed, for no other reason than "you deserve to be happy". Big questions, like the age gap or their past few years, were not really addressed. Does Gilbert even understand how hard Violet worked to become an auto-memory doll, and how much she's changed? Does Violet even acknowledge how their past relationship was somewhat abnormal and that her feelings may not be healthy or even genuine?

In the end, I could not shake the nagging feeling that the story was brute-forced to arrive at a "happy ending" where Violet and Gilbert get married. If you feel the resolution to their relationship in this movie was justified and well-developed, that's great, and I'd like to hear your reasons, if you feel like sharing. Or, if you were just glad to see them together, that's fine too, a part of me also wanted to just see Violet happy.