| Pessi, penaldo.. LeMickey, Jorfraud etc.. All of them are Sports related.. |
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| Today I lost my virginity. When I pulled my pants down, I realized my penis was too small and I was ashamed. However, the girl told me that everything was ok, Manchester City was even smaller, and that's when I knew she was the woman of my life. I parked my car in front of Stockport station . When I got back I noticed something on my windscreen. I picked it up and fell to my knees sobbing when I saw what it was. Someone walking asked "Parking ticket?" "Even worse", I replied, "tickets to Manchester City games" I booked a woman in Amsterdam to show me some love. When I was done after 3 minutes she rolled over and looked at me and said ‘how do you wanna pay for this love, cash, credit card, PayPal, or your tv rights for the next 25 years?’ I smiled and said ‘the Barcelona package please’ I grew up in a Portuguese village as a kid and my father told me stories about the great Cristopher Penalddus, this man discovered a new countries at a freighting pace making him the greatest discoverer ever. Every Sunday i and my family go to shoot penalties in honour of his name. I became the first person from my country to participate in Tour de France. While I was cycling through the farms of Rennes, Pionel Pessi, the bottler, appeared out of nowhere and stole my water bottle. I lost the race because of dehydration. Shame on farmer Pessi.. I was making fried chicken the other day only to discover that I had no more oil left. I turned around to see a bald man running away with my oil! After catching up to him I found out it was PEP FRAUDIOILA. He said “Please I just need more oil to win the UCL”. Shame on you LeFraudiola |
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| The vaporeon one. A crackhead wrote it. |
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| The "Shit was so cash" copypasta is a classic |
| Since Nijika is the paragon of human virtue without equal past or present, she is most resplendent in love, tributes and accolades. Waking or sleeping, I must not forget Nijika’s great boon and in order to return her favour by day and by night, I should only think of fulfilling my loyalty. Who is Nijika? For the blind, she is their vision. For the deaf, she is their music. For the mute, she is their voice. For the anosmiac, she is their aroma. For the numb, she is their feeling. For the atrophied, she is their muscle. For the starved, she is their sustenance. For the thirsty, she is their water. For the exhausted, she is their energy. For the depressed, she is their happiness. For the disillusioned, she is their hope. For the pessimistic, she is their optimism. For the disadvantaged, she is their champion. For the marginalised, she is their justice. For the oppressed, she is their salvation. For the righteous, she is their symbol. For the enlightened, she is their muse. For the erudite, she is their education. If Nijika speaks, I listen. If Nijika questions, I answer. If Nijika orders, I obey. If Nijika opines, I agree. If Nijika fears, I assure. If Nijika hopes, I dream. If Nijika is happy, I am jubilant. If Nijika is angry, I am apoplectic. If Nijika is sad, I am disconsolate. Nijika is my ideal, Nijika is my romance, Nijika is my passion. Nijika is my strength, Nijika is my compass, Nijika is my destination. Nijika is my language, Nijika is my culture, Nijika is my religion. Nijika is my ocean, Nijika is my mountain, Nijika is my sky, Nijika is my air, Nijika is my sun, Nijika is my moon, Nijika is my world. Nijika is history, Nijika is present, Nijika is future. If Nijika has a million fans, I am one of them. If Nijika has a thousand fans, I am one of them. If Nijika has a hundred fans, I am one of them. If Nijika has ten fans, I am one of them. If Nijika has only one fan, that is me. If Nijika has no fans, I no longer exist. If the whole universe is for Nijika, then I am for the whole universe. If the whole universe is against Nijika, then I am against the whole universe. I will love, cherish, and protect Nijika until my very last breath; my successors will love, cherish and protect Nijika until their very last breath.  |
" Kindness can sometimes lead you to trouble. "  |
| This fucking meme right here is one of my favorite shitposts that is constantly posted on /mu/. It's been posted over and over and over again for years on end.  Here's a close up of the image.  https://desuarchive.org/mu/search/image/XMqSsrwRju92vr8RLqMAhg/ Basically the joke is that someone is pretending to get offended by this seemingly mundane quote from Steve Albini, who is a known edgelord in music. |
SmugSatoko said: I was about to post this but you beat me to it. Honestly best one of all time aside from Bee movie What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo. |
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spaceslut said: I was about to post this but you beat me to it. Honestly best one of all time aside from Bee movie Fun fact: the original was a military guy posting it as a joke (to other military guys) on a military forum. |
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| I saw [celebrity] at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly. |
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| It was my birthday. My friends decided to throw a party for me. When I got home,I noticed my door was missing. My friends said they put balloons on the door to decorate,when suddenly Penaldo came & stole my ballon decorated door! He thought it was a Balon D'or and said he needed it to catch up to Messi.. |
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| ”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!” At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock. ”How old is this rock, pinhead?” The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian” ”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now” The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. The same tears liberals cry for the “poor” (who today live in such luxury that most own refrigerators) when they jealously try to claw justly earned wealth from the deserving job creators. There is no doubt that at this point our professor, DeShawn Washington, wished he had pulled himself up by his bootstraps and become more than a sophist liberal professor. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them! The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity. Semper Fi. p.s. close the borders |
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| This is your one chance you can withdraw, or I'll hit you with : Lose 100 HP every second. Enemies that have attacked and been attacked by Hoederer receive 200 True damage every second. Attack Range +1 tile, Max HP +15%, ATK +30%. Attacks recover 5% HP and have 25% chance to Stun the target for 2 seconds. |
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