How could one possibly forget Kdekalcio?
You know, just the other day I was chatting with a friend of mine while we were at the driving range. My ball striking was above average, and my hands felt loose and fine, I was carrying the distances I wanted to, and my friend was swinging fine too. We went on that way for about a half hour, or 14ish range balls' worth of time, which passes very quickly when you're standing under the hot sun, contemplating what you're doing with your life, before remembering that you want to hit the ball with the shiny stick as close to the blowing flags as possible.
Finally, as I'm thinking about which pin I want to play for as I try to visualize the next shot in my mind, my friend puts his iron down and says to me, "Jesus, I just can't believe this. My wife found out about the affair because I left the receipts to dinner and to that designer store I went to to get Abbey a present."
I said, "John, why do you even keep receipts? You're retired. Crumple them up and pitch 'em in the nearest bin. Or are you telling me you suddenly give a shit about recycling?"
He turns to me and we get into it;
"Greenhouse gas emissions are at an all-time high. I didn't mean to keep them. I was tipsy. What the hell was that women doing in my wallet anyway? It's my wallet!"
"Oh yeah, the leather's definitely yours. But Cindy's taking everything in it in the divorce."
"Don't say that. Don't say that word. What a nasty word. Be a better friend to me in my time of need."
"Okay. My advice as a better friend: be a better friend to your wife. What's the matter with you two? Can't you talk it out? See a counselor or something? Go get some therapy."
"I am getting therapy, I'm talking to you about this."
"Oh boy. I'm not licensed."
"Cindy's been... it's just not the same. There's distance."
"There's wrinkles."
"Yeah, there's wrinkles. There's wrinkles, we don't do things together anymore, we don't go out together."
"Where's Cindy now?"
"What? She's at home."
"Where are you?"
John paused for a moment, long enough that I decided to say some words.
"You're here, she's there. Abbey - listen, I don't know Abbey. I've never met Abbey. Abbey clearly isn't the kind of girl you'd show off to your friends. She probably does what you want her to do, like a washer machine at the laundromat - just put the quarters in and the thing runs. I'm sure it's fun. But what do you want at this stage in life? What do you want towards the end of your life?"
"Wouldn't mind an extension."
"Yeah, most people wouldn't. Don't know anyone who's minting time though."
"I want to go home and be happy there."
"You can't do that now?"
"I've forgotten how to! ..... I just forgot. I forgot the receipts were in the wallet. I forgot how to be a friend to Cindy. I've forgotten a lot."
"John, we all forget things. I forget shit all the time. I drove 20 minutes past my house one day because I was so distracted by my thoughts, despite the fact that I was trying to go home. We all forget things, even the things that matter. Except for Kdekalcio, of course."
"Pffft, but of course. Who the fuck could forget Kdekalcio? That'd be nuts!" |