God-of-Harem said: Yeah, this is the first time I've written anything other than forum posts in like 2 and a half years, let alone done any serious think or working, so I'm kind of struggling to use a large vocabulary and such. I used to get A+'s in writing so I hope the writer instinct inside of me will pull through. A thesaurus will help greatly in vocabulary |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: lupadim said: Your character on the island fic is completely broken.YorozuyaGinSan said: I was out of my character in my Kingdom of MAL fanfic, but not in the Island fanfic.There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own. You can't just force yourself to be the smartest character in the story and proceed to call it an accurate depiction, only in joking. Unless you're saying all of the other characters in that story are out of character. No no, you see Lupadim really thinks he's the smartest person here, thats what makes it all funny and a great read. |
Zetrin said: God-of-Harem said: Yeah, this is the first time I've written anything other than forum posts in like 2 and a half years, let alone done any serious think or working, so I'm kind of struggling to use a large vocabulary and such. I used to get A+'s in writing so I hope the writer instinct inside of me will pull through. A thesaurus will help greatly in vocabulary Screw the Thesaurus. I hate using Thesaurus'. I always thought of it as using a cheat code, and being the h/c gamer that I am, I despise that. |
[center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
YorozuyaGinSan said: Not really. As I am writing the fanfic, everything that Lupadim says is something that I would have thinked of because, well, I AM WRITING THE FANFIC.lupadim said: Your character on the island fic is completely broken.YorozuyaGinSan said: I was out of my character in my Kingdom of MAL fanfic, but not in the Island fanfic.There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own. You can't just force yourself to be the smartest character in the story and proceed to call it an accurate depiction, only in joking. Unless you're saying all of the other characters in that story are out of character. Not sure if others would have the same idea of course |
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lupadim said: Ok, Ok. So it's the latter. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your style of writing, you just shouldn't be so quick to point out someone else making you look out of character when you're the only person even remotely close to being, well, self proclaimed "in character" in your own fic. Not really. As I am writing the fanfic, everything that Lupadim says is something that I would have thinked of because, well, I AM WRITING THE FANFIC. Not sure if others would have the same idea of course The only way to avoid that would be to subtly survey each and every person as to how they would react to each and every situation. That would be way too time consuming for what it's really worth. After all, any parallel to Mal is just by coincidence, right? |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: Just remember that the narrator skips a lot of detailslupadim said: Ok, Ok. So it's the latter. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with your style of writing, you just shouldn't be so quick to point out someone else making you look out of character when you're the only person even remotely close to being, well, self proclaimed "in character" in your own fic. Not really. As I am writing the fanfic, everything that Lupadim says is something that I would have thinked of because, well, I AM WRITING THE FANFIC. Not sure if others would have the same idea of course After all, any parallel to Mal is just by coincidence, right? |
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| Chapter Six: The Rules. Goh walked beside Korrvo and his younger brother Lime into Restonhawk Village elder's hut. Asa, Yoro, Lupa and Kibura all stood at the elder's armchair talking to him. "Good to see you're awake, Goh." Kibura said looking relieved. "Mmhm." Goh mumbled. "So have you guys figured out our situation?" Goh asked. "We were just talking to the elder. It seems we're inside another world." Asa replied. "Inside Crave Saga Online to be more precise." added Yoro. "Inside the game!? That's madness!" allthough Goh said this, he knew this was the most reasonable explanation. After all, with the technology in this day and age, such a feat was not impossible. "So how do we get back to reality?" Goh asked after a moment of silence. This time it was Lupa who spoke "Our only lead is this book the Elder said they found next to us by the creek." Lupa said holding up a book that was titled 'Rules' in big bold letters. "Read this aloud for me, would ya darling?" Lupadim asked giving the book to Kibura. Kibura gave Lupa a dirty look, but as much as she didn't like it, this man was her boss after all. Kibura opened the book and began to talk. "Congratulations! Welcome to the world of Crave Saga Online! Well, I say that, but I'm not really there. At any rate, you 8 MAL workers have been split into two groups. One of five, and one of three. Your aim is to slay The Demon God in the depths of hell. First you must find your way down there that is. Hopefully you don't think it will be that easy do you? Of course, like any other game, there are rules. The rules as are follows. Rule 1: Each player has only three lives. You die 3 times, and your body will disintegrate into dust. Additionally, each time you die, you will wake up at the last Inn you rested at, with your collected items deleted. Rule 2: Before the game can start, each player must recieve a job class, and their weapon. You will find the people who can give you these things in both of the villages where both groups begun. Rule 3: Stealing, unlawfully killing, or commiting similar crimes will result in a bounty on your head. Rule 4: Beating an enemy in the wild gives you loot, this can vary from money to weapons. Rule 5: There are is no levelling up in this world. You can only increase your skills by practising. Rule 6: Wounds and damage work as though they do in real life. Get stabbed or sliced and it can injure you, and it will hurt. You need not read the other rules just yet. Read them when the time comes. Thanks for your attention, Chosen 8, I wish you luck on your adventure. -CEO Kineta-" Kibura finished with a deep breath. "That bastard!" Lupadim seethed. "What the hell is he thinking." Lupa punched the wall next to him. "Looks like complaining isn't going to get us out of this mess." Yoro said. "So, I take it we're the group of five then." Asa said to himself. "No. We're the group of three" Goh corrected. Asa looked puzzled. "Lupa and Kibura aren't supposed to be here." Goh finished. The elder finally spoke, but not to them, but to Korrvo and Lime. "I'd like you to accompany these warriors on their quest. Get your job classes apraised while you are there with them, Korrvo, Lime." Korrvo looked like he was about to protest before his face straightened and he replied "Yessir!" he exclaimed. Lime simply nodded. "Now, then, let's go get our job classes!" Korrvo said happily turning to face the group. end of Chapter Six. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| So wounds and damage work as though they do in real life. Each person has 3 lifes. Care to explain how you die in the game but is still alive in the real life? I mean, if you are cut in the game, you would be cut in real life and die in real life. PLOTHOLE |
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| face;desk. They were put inside the game. They only have one body. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
lupadim said: No, it's simulated, yet the players feel the simulated pain as if it were real. There is no evident bodily harm.Care to explain how you die in the game but is still alive in the real life? I mean, if you are cut in the game, you would be cut in real life and die in real life. Atleast that's what it sounds like. Or well, the body itself was transferred into the game. I'm interested to see the classes, could see Yoro getting something classy. Yeah, that was intended. |
OchimushaMay 9, 2014 6:57 PM
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God-of-Harem said: Ahh, that wasn't developed enough in the fanficface;desk. They were put inside the game. They only have one body. |
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| Basically, if you're sliced with a sword, it's not guarenteed that you'll die, but it will still bloody hurt, like real life, that's what I was getting at. Of course being inside a game, it's not going to be the same as real life entirely. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| Lupadim is going to need to find himself some clothes, last it was mentioned he's still wearing no more than a bath towel. As opposed to a certain dapper gentleman you know, it just doesn't fit. |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: THISLupadim is going to need to find himself some clothes, last it was mentioned he's still wearing no more than a bath towel. As opposed to a certain dapper gentleman you know, it just doesn't fit. Where is my fedora? |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: Lupadim is going to need to find himself some clothes, last it was mentioned he's still wearing no more than a bath towel. As opposed to a certain dapper gentleman you know, it just doesn't fit. I was supposed to mention that in this chapter, but I forgot lol. edit: maybe he should just wear a bathtowel for the entire adventure haha |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
God-of-Harem said: I support this. More chances for Kibura x Lupadim scenesedit: maybe he should just wear a bathtowel for the entire adventure haha |
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| I think he should get a fedora to compliment his bath towel, but nothing else. |
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| can i be in it as a trap? |
| RRRRRRRRRR |
| Chapter 7: Job Classes "It's this building here!" chirped Korrvo gesturing towards a mud hut at the edge of the village. The group of seven made their way inside the building. A man with no pupils stood in the centre of the room. You could only see the whites of his eyes. He was old and had a long white beard. "That's the foreseer." said Korrvo." He grants you a job class after determining what suits you best. So who wants to go first?" Asked Korrvo, raising his eyebrows. There was a short silence before someone spoke. "I'll do it." said Asa as he walked towards the man. "I seek a job old guy" he said. "....Yeeesss...." The man spoke. He began feeling Asa's face and frowning in concerntration. "I deem the most suitable job for you..." Asa bit down on his lip hard. "...Ninja!" the man yelled. All of a sudden a flash appeared around the man and Asa that lasted for about three seconds. When it dissapeared Asa was wearing new attire and had weapons on his belt. "A black hood and tight black clothes huh? Neat. I also have Kunai and a short sword" said Asa as he walked back towards the group. "I'll go now." announced Korrvo walking towards the man. The same procedure followed as with Asa, until the man finally spoke. "I deem the most suitable job for you... Cannoneer!" he yelled. The flash followed. Korrvo was now wearing thick metallic armour that was easy to move in. He had a hand cannon resting on his shoulder. "Cool." Korrvo said walking back. "Your turn now Lime." Korrvo gave a nudge, and Lime walked towards the man. "I deem the most suitable job for you... Dark Magician." Lime was now wearing a black cape and a pointed black witch hat. Lime didn't say anything as he walked back to the group. "I'll go now." Kibura said. "I deem the most suitable job for you... Ranger!" after the flash Kibura's outfit hadn't changed. She was still in the maids outfit, but she now had a large quiver full of arrows on her back and a large bow slung around her waist." Kibura skipped back happily. "I guess I'll go then." Yoro said. The procedure went once again. "I deem the most suitable job for you... Mech Suit Pilot!" after the flash Yoro had a large mechanical belt on his waist. He pressed the button on it and a helmet suit with thrusters and lasers covered his body. "Haha, not bad." Yoro said rejoining the group. Lupa looked at Yoro with jealousy all over his face. "Hmph. I'll go now." he grunted. "I deem the most suitable job for you... Brawler! the flashed passed and Lupa was now wearing spiked knuckles and a green Fedora. However other than he was still in only a bath towel. "WHAT THE HELL MAN?! HOW COME I DON'T GET ANYTHING COOL!?" Lupa looked legitimately pissed off. "Hey atleast you got a fedora" Asa laughed "SHUT UP, BITCH!" Lupa yelled again. Asa was still laughing. "Your turn Goh." he said. Goh approached the man. The procedure followed. "I deem the most suitable job for you..." A long silence followed. "I deem the most suitable job for you..." He repeated again. The man looked terrified. "DEMON WARRIOR!" End of chapter seven beavis2323 said: can i be in it as a trap? Actually, I already have plans for a trap within the next few chapters. I might be able to put you in later, but not as a trap. |
BaileyyMay 10, 2014 1:53 AM
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
God-of-Harem said: Doesn't Lupadim hate mecha?Lupa looked at Yoro with jealousy all over his face. Interesting "jobs", especially the mech suit pilot. Wonder what the workload is like for a mecha pilot. |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: God-of-Harem said: Doesn't Lupadim hate mecha?Lupa looked at Yoro with jealousy all over his face. I think anyone would be jealous of a mech suit irl, regardless of whether you hate mecha anime or not lol |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
God-of-Harem said: Oh, this will be interesting...beavis2323 said: Actually, I already have plans for a trap within the next few chapters. I might be able to put you in later, but not as a trap.can i be in it as a trap? |
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| Such agony, feel like life just moved on without me -- internet was out previous 24hrs :( Why is Korrvo my OLDER brother! My age is accurate on my profile :P w/e s'ok depending how I dress up I could pull off being a lot younger "Hey atleast you got a fedora ahahah, the most dignified armor in the game, what else does he really need? I deem the most suitable job for you... Dark Magician." Lime was now wearing a black cape and a pointed black witch hat "I put on my robe and wizards hat" - I'm fine with this I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. |
  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet |
| Chapter 8: The Group of Five "Demon Warrior?" Goh questioned. Then the flash happened. Goh was now wearing silver knight's armour with spikes on the shoulders and belt. He had a horned helmet that had red markings on the tips. He bore a sword and shield, the blade red, as though it was stained in blood. The shield was like half a sphere with a long spike penetrating out of the centre made out of solid steel. "Wow." Asa whistled. The Forseer began to speak again. "You are a Demon Warrior... A personal knight to The Demon God, I forsee great and deadly things on your road for both you and your friends. I see death. I see fun memories being made. I see romance. Some of you will not make it back alive however. After all you have yet to meet the rest of your party..." *Meanwhile somewhere in another town* "Calm down Uno, we're going to find a place to eat." Kousoku said to the hyperactive and hungry UnoPuntoCinco. "There better be hamburgers! and cookies! and pie! oohh and Kangaroo mince!" Uno was drooling as he day dreamed. "we don't live in Australia, Uno. Heck we don't even live in Japan anymore." Kousoku replied with a sigh. Uno wasn't listening however, his head was already filled with all sorts of fantasies. "Would you guys quiet down? Kinda hard to rest my eyes with you guys making such a ruckus." The white haired boy with a scar on his face yawned as he finishedhis sentence. "Not everybody is a genius like you, Zetrin." Kousoku said tilting his head back. "We actually have to think to figure things out." Zetrin yawned again. "Yeah, yeah." Zetrin whispered fobbing him off. "Anyway, I still can't believe my job class is Scholar." Zetrin complained. "Sounds boring. I'd rather be a Dragon Warrior like you" He finished stretching his arms. " Kousoku looked at Uno. He was chewing on his fingers now. "Can't believe that guy's our Potion Brewer." Kousoku said. Zetrin didn't respond as he looked like he'd fallen asleep while walking. Despite Uno's personality however he was actually quite intelligent. "Onii-chan.... I'm hungry..." a quiet voice said while tugging on Kousoku's sleeve. Kousoku was blushing all of a sudden. Kousoku had nearly forgotten there was two other companions with him. One was even his younger sister. "Capricious Smile Stop calling my brother onii-chan!" another voice said angrily. "And Kousoku, stop blushing like an idiot we don't even know if she... he... it's... a girl." Capri had a small frame almost like a loli and had a robe and a big scarf wrapped around it's mouth. "You two don't get along very well do you?" Kousoku asked. "Well it's class is Vampire after all. I'm a Healer so my magic would have the opposite affect on it." the girl grumbled. "Don't worry Emerald. You're my only cute little sister I have." Emerald turned her nose up and flicked back her blonde hair. "Hmph." Kousoku let out a sigh. "At any rate, we should probably find a place to eat. Uno looks like he's about to bite his hands off." End of Chapter |
BaileyyMay 10, 2014 4:19 AM
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
Lime_ said: I deem the most suitable job for you... Dark Magician." Lime was now wearing a black cape and a pointed black witch hat "I put on my robe and wizards hat" - I'm fine with this I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman. Oh my god, I laughed so hard xD emeraldrosary said: Goh -----> Demon Warrior Asap ----> Ninja Kibura --> Ranger Lime_ ---> Dark Magician Lupa ----> Brawler xD Yoro ----> Mech Suit Pilot Korrvo --> Cannoneer Pretty interesting set of job classes we got here. There is one thing that bothers me a little bit though.... God-of-Harem said: Thick metal armor that's easy to move in? Seems counter-intuitive to me. And plus you'd expect a cannon to be hard-hitting but slow on the uptake to avoid being broken.Korrvo was now wearing thick metallic armour that was easy to move in. He had a hand cannon resting on his shoulder. "Cool." Korrvo said walking back. Hmmm yeah that is a mistake. :/ I've typed these last four chapters on my Wii-U pad since my laptop is screwing up, and it's a real pain. I was afraid I'd stuff up somewhere |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| lol oh man, I laughed reading Zetrin's class. Definitely stronger than the so-called Demon Warrior and Dragon Warrior class. Scholars use magic, right? |
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| Hmm interesting. |
AnalOnFirstDate said: uhm, i'll just mention this one more time my name is asap, not asa lol other than that, keep it up I've slightly modified most peoples names to sound more like a real name... Sorry. |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
| All of the imoutos! Out of curiosity: how rpg-ish is this game going to be, on a scale from SAO to Log Horizon? |
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| I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CREEPY PERV, UNEDUCATED OLD MAN. |
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lupadim said: I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CREEPY PERV, UNEDUCATED OLD MAN. Because...its the best thing...for you.## Lime_ said: Why is Korrvo my OLDER brother! My age is accurate on my profile :P w/e s'ok depending how I dress up I could pull off being a lot younger You should know in all fiction you are younger than the rest of the cast duh YorozuyaGinSan said: lupadim said: There's not a single fanfic in which you are actually in character though, not this, not Kibura's, and not your own.I am way too much out of character... I am a gentleman that is the ally of justice, not a random perv I think its becoming a bit of a running joke lol As for been a ranger hmm interesting, still in a maid outfit, damn that things durable...hope its pervert proof too. As for ranger..... "What do my elven eyes see? they're taking the hobbits to Isengard" |
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lupadim said: I think the creepy perv aspect has been toned down, the rest of it isn't all that out of character.I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CREEPY PERV, UNEDUCATED OLD MAN. Did it state you were old or uneducated? |
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YorozuyaGinSan said: "SHUT UP BITCH" is not much educatedlupadim said: I think the creepy perv aspect has been toned down, the rest of it isn't all that out of character.I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CREEPY PERV, UNEDUCATED OLD MAN. Did it state you were old or uneducated? |
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lupadim said: Anyone can say "shut up bitch" regardless of their education or background.YorozuyaGinSan said: "SHUT UP BITCH" is not much educatedlupadim said: I think the creepy perv aspect has been toned down, the rest of it isn't all that out of character.I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY I AM A CREEPY PERV, UNEDUCATED OLD MAN. Did it state you were old or uneducated? For all we know, he could be trying to play down his intelligence for whatever reason. However, that would hardly be in character either. But how do you suppose he got an executive career at MAL without formal education? That'd be a plothole. |
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| Why am I some kind of idiot? You makin' me cry, bro *bites his own hand* |
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NarTaco said: UnoPuntoCinco said: Why am I some kind of idiot? You makin' me cry, bro *bites his own hand* I think your character is cute. Besides, it could be worse. Yeah you could be Lupa ;) |
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UnoPuntoCinco said: Why am I some kind of idiot? You makin' me cry, bro *bites his own hand* Actually Uno is going to be a borderline genius. Just wait. Also guys, if your characters are wierd, idiotic, perverted or anything like that, please don't take offence because I'm not trying to make them like you, I'm trying to make them interesting. On another note, it makes me happy that so many people are reading this. I've never worked so hard on something in many years. :) |
| [center][size=85][b]MAL Interviews[/size] | [/size][size=85][b]MAL's Chatting Corner | [size=85][color=darkviolet]If you wear Caesar's clothes, you have to behave like Caesar.[/color][/size][/b] |
Kibura_Iburasa said: Pervy guys are awesomeNarTaco said: UnoPuntoCinco said: Why am I some kind of idiot? You makin' me cry, bro *bites his own hand* I think your character is cute. Besides, it could be worse. Yeah you could be Lupa ;) Except that guy from high school dxd *raises his fist* |
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God-of-Harem said: On another note, it makes me happy that so many people are reading this. I've never worked so hard on something in many years. :) Your speed is quite something, when can we expect the next few chapters then? |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: Yeah, I'm impressed of the rate of yer updatesGod-of-Harem said: On another note, it makes me happy that so many people are reading this. I've never worked so hard on something in many years. :) Your speed is quite something, when can we expect the next few chapters then? |
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Kibura_Iburasa said: God-of-Harem said: On another note, it makes me happy that so many people are reading this. I've never worked so hard on something in many years. :) Your speed is quite something, when can we expect the next few chapters then? Well, I'm still not on my laptop, so I write a lot slower. It's only 4.00am here, but I think I'll write another soon. Maybe the next 3 in the next 5 hours. |
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