Well... I'm not 100% out yet.
My parents had always thought I was a lesbian, from the veeerrrry beginning. So when I was just a child, they were always saying things like... "It's okay if you turn out to like girls. Nothing is wrong with that" , "Years ago there was this girl that said that you were going to marry a girl when you were older. She could see the future" blablabla.
I personally felt really uncomfortable with that, since I hadn't noticed anything yet myself. I was just like "why are you saying that? I don't like girls.."
But they kept doing that for years and years and years ;D In the end I started to ignore it.
And then when I was 13 I had a best friend... and damn how did I not notice it... but I was always just staring at her... and at her boobs... and I actually did say stuff about that... like that she was pretty and all. So one day she said to me that I was a lesbian and I was sitting there like "what? you too? I'm not." (Not that I was homophobic or anything, but I just really didn't think so).
But she didn't believe it and kept saying it.
Then there was this one time when she wanted to take a bath together... but I was really nervous, because I'm really insecure about myself... but she just told me over and over again that she wanted to take a bath and that I shouldn't be worrying so much and just do it. So I took a bath with her, and.. of course.. couldn't help staring.
In the end we weren't really friends anymore, we grew apart. But there was this one day when she came to my house, when we weren't really friends anymore... and she suddenly said that she wanted to take a picture of us kissing ( just a normal innocent kiss). But I didn't mind... at all, so we did that haha. ( How did I not notice it.. really.)
And then a year later, when I was 14 years old... there was this girl at school who thought she was bisexual... and she came out to us ( she was a friend and just told us). ( and everyone was cool with it by the way. )
And actually that was around the time that I was also confused about if I was bisexual too or not, but I didn't say anything yet. Except for one girl. I was talking with her about it a lot and she was helping me a lot with what I should do and all. So we talked about telling our friends at school, but at first I was too scared for that. After a while I decided to also tell them that I was bisexual, or at least thought so. And I only told them. Everyone was fine with it of course.
But then the next day some girls came up to me.. asking if it was true that I was bisexual and all. And that happened in every single break we had. For daaaays. So obviously one of my friends was talking about me. I disliked that very much and hoped they would stop soon.
But I had two friends ( one of them was the one who helped me, and the other was the first friend I made at school) who were always together and acting like they were lesbian, even though they weren't. Just for the fun. But there were a lot of people who suddenly started to say things to those two, because of the rumors that were going around because of me... so I finally snapped xD
I walked to my biology teacher and told her that I was actually bisexual, but that everyone at school was just asking me about it again and again... and that they didn't leave my friends alone anymore either. So I asked her if I could just tell my class that afternoon that I was bisexual, and she was okay with it.
So that afternoon when we had biology that teacher told a whole story about sexuality and transgender and all, and then she said that we had "someone in this class that needed to say something about it"...
I was so scared xD But I walked up to the front and just told them that I was bisexual, but my friends weren't , so if they could just leave them alone.
I let them ask questions and after that nobody ever ever ever asked me again at school.
I did have a boyfriend when I was 13 by the way, and I did like some guys over the years, so I wouldn't say that I am a lesbian or anything.
When I was 15 I was interested in a guy, but that didn't last long at all.. and I didn't want to do anything.
Then when I was 16 there was another guy... and things happened between us, but I actually didn't want that and... I really disliked that.
( I've had a few girl crushes in the meantime, but nothing happened)
After that... I started to think about my sexuality again and I really couldn't make up my mind. Was I bisexual? Was I perhaps a lesbian after all? I really didn't know.
I started to talk with a girl and I kinda liked her, and she liked me back.. but in the end she turned out to be a player... so yea.
But since I did like her... I told my "older brother" (he wasn't my real brother, but he lived with us, so I saw him like that) about it... and then he was in shock all being like "you like girls? that's a girl right? Do your parents know?"
and I said no, since I never told them ( even though they do think that already)
and then he told me that if I wouldn't say it to them, he would do it. So I got scared and then I told my parents that I liked someone. And they asked me what his name was. So I said her name....
and I thought they would say something about that it was a girl, but they didn't at all. They just asked me where she lived and if I had a picture of her.
It was really, really embarrassing. And the day after that my dad told my "older sister"( same story as the older brother) that I finally told them and all.
And my sister later on told me that he seemed really proud haha...
Oh I do have a little brother who already knew ( my real brother) ... but I don't really remember anything from when I told him.. but he was okay with it.
I've had one crush after that, on a boy though, and I really liked him. He might be the first person that I actually really really liked.. but once again nothing happened.
And now I am .. 19 years old. No real experience or anything... but yea..
I still don't know for sure what I am. I'm guessing that I'm bisexual with a preference or girls ( except for anime.) , but actually I started to hate labeling myself...
( I had a friend on my last school who was a lesbian and she just kept changing her opinion about me. We almost always talked about girls... but she would always change between "You are such a lesbian" "do you really think you're bisexual? You really seem pretty much gay to me." and " You're such a bisexual" "You're not really a lesbian are you? You seem more like a bisexual to me" and "maybe you're pansexual? Could you be in love with a transgender? "
It drove me crazy. Really I got soooo confused about myself in that year.... I really don't know what to think anymore.
So I just like who I like...
and well yea my coming out stories weren't that bad... everyone accepted me so yea
The only thing is.. I didn't tell the rest of my family. And with a reason. My grandma ( from my father's side of the family) is really... ... really... yea how to say that... kinda homophobic? She's a person who thinks you should always look good, have expensive clothes, that a man and a woman need to be together blablabla.
And one day she was really bad mouthing it when I was with her, so I just kept my mouth shut. I won't tell her until I have serious relationship with a girl.
I don't tell the rest of my family because EVERYONE just tells THE WHOLE FAMILY when they know something -.- so if I tell 1 person, the whole family knows it in 1 hour.
Such a long story, I'm sorry xd |