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December 13th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-twenty-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We begin the blog at Topaz's blog once again. However, instead of Ririchiyo another cute hime cut loli welcomes you.*

: Ugh, you're here already-W-wait, sorry. I wasn't ready Ni~pah.

*Rika lets out a sigh, smacks her cheeks, and smiles cutely.*

: As you can see, Topaz is still in his filthy lazy mood from last week. The garbage is starting to crowd into the hallway now, but that's not the biggest problem...

*She continues walking towards Topaz's room, stepping over bag and bag of trash. She then opens the door.*

: HEY! Close that door!

: Ugh, natural light...

Now my manga will fade! And I had just arranged them by reading, lending, and safekeeping!

: Everyone knows that you don't buy extra manga, Topaz. At least on purpose. But RIRICHIYO! Why have YOU become so lazy?

*Indeed, as while Topaz and Anzu were lazy last week it seems that Ririchiyo has joined them. She's wearing her track suit and laying on Topaz's bed on her stomach. She is even wearing glasses, even if her image doesn't show that.*

: What's the point of working hard? It's all just wasted energy.

: Don't tell me that Anzu got to you too!

: Get to me? No, she just taught me how to calm down and relax for once...

: Another satisfied customer.

That's right. There's nothing like lazing about all day.

: But what about your BLOG, Topaz? I know that I don't usually care for it, but you'd be letting down so many people if you suddenly stop.

: I'm sure that the one or two people who read this will get over it in just a week or so. Then Topaz wouldn't be as busy writing every week.

Exactly. All that wasted energy. And for what? Some dumb points that are meaningless?

: I'm sure that people are still interested in what you think of girls, even if the points don't matter too much.

: If the don't matter then... *yawn* why keep up this facade?

: Because the journey is most of the fun! You have a lot more to offer than just descriptions and such!

That's right. I also have terrible opinions as seen in the past. Like preferring an unsightly cow to the superior Yozora though the latter deserves more love both in the series and in real life as well. And I apologize to her too! Especially how I misjudged her personality so much due to poor research. I also apologize to Colette for being so unfair in the past towards flat girls (though she should show off her ass more), and she also has issues with me not appreciating her enough. At least I'm better than just hating her outright like a lot of people seemed to, but hopefully she's been better received compared to when her game came out. Then again I'm nothing but a terrible hack who doesn't deserve to have his thoughts written down.

: That's what you get for working hard. Nothing but trouble, and if you work you lose!

: That said, isn't there another person you need to apologize to?

I think that's it.

: What about Arrester?

Well, that's the opposite problem. Certain characters, particularly busty meganekkos, tend to get my libido going a bit more and I'm inspired to write terrible fanservice scenes. Especially in January for some reason. It must be my own way of dealing with the winter doldrums. Still, between Arrester, Chisato, and Sakie it's been a common issue and I apologize to my fans for being so selfish.

: Well, if the blog reaches next year you'll have to make sure you don't fall into such trouble.

I sure hope that won't be a problem...

: That's all fine and good, but what about the other issues with Arrester's blog?

Oh, that issue. I also apologize for having her wet herself. I blame that being a lot of the “comedy” of the series she's from coming through, as I did that a lot back then. I apologize for that still.

: This is the laziness apology ever...

What do you expect from this month?

*Topaz lazes on the bed besides Ririchiyo.*

: See? Isn't everything better with laziness? No need to apologize for things that you don't do!

: I'm sure that if he stops blogging now he'll have a lot more apologies for inspiring other people to work on them instead! Speaking of which, it's THURSDAY!

Already? Where did the week go?

: It doesn't really matter. Everything is a waste so play games. And Topaz is so flustered by me wearing glasses that he lets me win most of the time.

Y-yeah. Let you win...

: Kukuku, I'm so glad that it was easy to convert you two to my side.

: You'll never convert ME! I'll call a responsible imouto! Then you three will get your act together!

*Rika uses the phone to call someone, being in the other room as she does so. The other three are curious, but too lazy to actually follow her.*

: All done! Now, let's hope she gets here soon.

: Maybe she'll bring pizza too!

*A knock is heard on the door, and Rika goes to get it.

: That must be her.

*She goes to let in the responsible imouto.*

: See? I knew that she'd come quickly!

: But of course. Us responsible little sisters need to stick together.

*The mysterious girl scans the room, talking as she does so.*

: And it looks like you got me here just in time. It seems that there's not much more that this room can take!

: That's right, as those three have been crowding into the hallway!

*She continues to look around the room, but finds a game console.*

: W-WAIT! IS that the classic Playstation?

That's right! The old version too, not the terrible new version that uses downscaled games either!

: That's like ancient! C-can I play?

Of course!

: N-no! You have to get Topaz to do his blog!

*The responsible imouto then shrinks down to a mini chibi size.*

: But VIDEO GAMES!

*The chibi then sits down and plays games on the console.*

: And I thought I was a small lazy girl...

: You're all lazy though! Topaz, do your blog properly!

I GUESS. Hey, Umaru. Do you want me to blog you?

: Not now, Topaz! I've got to break all your high scores!

Before that, do you want to let me talk about you?

: Of course! As long as my friends don't hear about it, and I can game the whole time!

: Hey, that sounds like fun. Hand me a controller.

: Sure, and let's start with versus mode!

*Rika sighs*

: Now why didn't this work?

You underestimated the seductive power of procrastination and laziness. But speaking of which, since she said that I could talk about her...

Today's girl is:



Umaru Doma
from
Himouto Umaru-chan


==Head==
===Hair===
Umaru has pretty nice hair. It could be darker, as it's a light tan or even blonde color (mostly light tan, at least to me) but the color isn't too bad otherwise. More importantly is that her hair is long and pretty straight. You have to wonder how much maintenance she does even though she's lazy that her hair looks so good and straight. Umaru's hair does reach her hips, where it may cover her ass at times but I'm not immediately sure if that happens. When in chibi hamster form her hair hits the floor due to how much shorter she is, though I obviously prefer her taller form. Umaru's sidelocks reach about to her chest, framing her face pretty nicely. She has spiky bangs, with different lengths though the middle seems the longest. Overall Umaru's hair isn't that bad, the color is a little lighter than I'd like but brown is fine and I like her long straight hair. There's some variety as well, though I should probably mention that as a chibi (and, occasionally, in her taller form) she tends to wear a hamster hood to lounge around in. It extends down like a cape, covering a lot of her hair which is a downside. Oh, and she also wears a nice hat as UMR.
Grade: B

===Eyes===
Umaru's eyes are pretty nice too. Like her hair (usually) her eyes are brown but a much deeper shade. I think that, from the color pages, that her eyes are slightly darker in the manga than the anime (or there's something different that makes them seem deeper, I'm not sure what). Umaru doesn't have a lot of outline to her eyes, only having it on top which is kinda unfortunate as the whites of her eyes melt into her face a little (at least to me). The top is nicely accented though, even if I'm not sure if it's a tsurime or tarame. It looks both straight yet rounded, which tends to go towards tarame, but it's hard to tell. Either way her eyes look nice. Her pupils are nice and round too, with a lovely color as mentioned before. There's a bit of shininess in the anime as well. Sadly I don't think Umaru wears glasses other than for gags in her chibi form (including sunglasses), but the domino mask (or whatever mask that is) she wears as UMR looks a little like glasses. Shame she doesn't take after her brother in this regard.
Grade: B-

===Face===
I'll mainly focus on her taller form here, like I've been doing throughout. Umaru's face is nice and acorn-shaped, which as mentioned before is well-framed by her hair. She has a small dot-like nose which I like, and she has a lot of great silly expressions. Even in her taller form Umaru is very cute because she tends to show her emotions well (even if that's moreso with just her or her brother Taihei). Still, Umaru is very cute. The chibi version is cute too, but more in an animalistic or mascot way. I blame her head being very rounded, almost oval shaped perhaps. Still, she does pretty well overall here.
Grade: B-

==Body==
===Build===
As said before, I'll be focusing most of Umaru's points with her taller form. She has a height measurement as well, at 160 cm from what I could tell, which isn't too bad. She also has a fair waist and navel as well, and her hips are shapely as well. On the rare occasions where her ass is shown it's pretty cute, but obviously could be bigger. She doesn't have any other measurements either. She does have a blood type, which is AB, though I don't usually mention it. Overall Umaru looks pretty good, but that's just her tall form. While cute I can't find the chibi version of her attractive in the least. While I wouldn't call her a potato or something, being as small as she is is kinda small. She's got no curves in that form, and her legs and arms are very stumpy and small. She's just too squat or child-like to enjoy. There was an imagination sequence where her chibi form fought a “virus” version of herself and hit her ass with a leek, which is a waste of that idea due to not seeming sexy at all. That said, Umaru's tall form isn't too bad so that helps her out. I suppose that we shouldn't think too hard about her shrinking or growing either, as it's unknown if it's metaphoric or literal, with her actually shrinking to a small size. Considering there's nothing else fantasy-or supernatural about the story there's no reasonable reason for her chibi form if it is literal. Then again, that's thinking too hard about it and we shouldn't consider how much stress she's putting on her body each time she does this. Just forget about that and enjoy both forms nicely.
Grade: B-

===Chest===
Umaru is sorta mixed here. As mentioned before she doesn't have exact measurements, but she does seem somewhat busty. She does have some small issues as a result, but fortunately for Umaru Ebina exists. And unfortunately for the rest of us. Ebina is the main cow of the series, getting a lot of the mamocentric scenes and as a result keeping Umaru from having to deal with those issues. Occasionally she gets a moment or something, but it's not too bad and Umaru herself is about average as far as the series goes. Well, her tall form of course. As mentioned before the chibi hamster has no curves, and as a result is completely flat. Like a girl that small really should be.
Grade: B

: So do you like my body or not? It seems like you could go either way.

It depends. I do find your taller form attractive, though you could show your ass more and make it bigger (though the same could be said for any anime girl really). For the purposes of this blog though, your smaller form which is a comedic chibi doesn't do too well. I find it funny, and as the main... I don't want to say gimmick but another better word can't come to mind, maybe main “appeal” but that doesn't fit. Regardless I do like that aspect of the show, even if it doesn't grade too well. You're just too squat and child-like to enjoy like that, as mentioned before.

: So basically you like her chibi form for humor's sake but not sexually.

Pretty much. Though I'm not sure how much of this is physical or not. The more you get into how the conservation of mass and other physic things like what happens when her bones reshape and organs shrink the more disturbing it becomes.

: Ugh, isn't it obvious? She doesn't want to be lugging around useless weight so she constructed a version of herself that is much smaller. Just don't think about it too hard.

I suppose not. Umaru is cute and that's the important part.

: Indeed. Just concentrate on it being a part of her metabolism and the reason she needs to eat a lot of junk food is to maintain this form of peak laziness.

: I've never considered how much this body takes to maintain... I should thank Oniisan though I do that anyway!

Agreed, which is more than the haters think of you. They also dislike your small body, calling you an “orange potato” or something but I bet that's just because they have the brain the size of a pea and are mamocentric. That said, we should probably get to the rest of the blog.

: Blog away!

===Clothes===
Umaru's main outfit seems to be her school uniform, though she has quite a variety of outfits. Her uniform consists of a white shirt with collar, a red bow ribbon, and a red pleated skirt. Occasionally she wears a red blazer as well. She also wears thighhighs to accent her legs. When in chibi hamster mode Umaru tends to wear a comfortable-looking white shirt with a hamster hood with attached cloak. Outside that it still seems that Umaru has a hamster motif as well. Anyway, other outfits for Umaru include a few types of bikinis, some other cute casual outfits, a competition swimsuit, a tennis outfit, a lab coat, a sundress, and her UMR gamer outfit with a jacket, black shirt, and shorts. As mentioned she also has a nice hat, though she keeps her hair up while wearing it. There's possibly other outfits I missed that were used in a gag or something similar, but my memory is quite bad it seems. Overall while there are some nice outfits (such as the nice blazer uniform) Umaru doesn't have too much to offer as far as I'm looking for.
Grade: B

==Mind==
===Personality===
Umaru has a very great, if polarizing, personality. On one hand, her outer form acts “perfect” in public. This means that she has good grades, is kind and friendly, and is very beautiful as well (in-universe, I mean). However, once home she becomes a chibi hamster with an otaku hikikomori only shown in private. She just lazes around and eats junk food, plays video games, and watches anime. This does mean that she is really good at a lot of games, winning some competitions as well. She dislikes hard work and doesn't want to help out around the house (even if she does occasionally). She does seem like a brat, but I wouldn't say that myself (as I'm certain many terrible people have said). I'd say it's more that she has a very rough personality, but I imagine that the stresses of being “perfect” lead Umaru to live this double life. She's even ashamed by it, hiding it from her friends. That said, her friends also help her to open up and they have some trips together too. She also respects her brother a lot more in the second season it seems. Overall Umaru is a great and entertaining hamster, and anyone who dislikes her probably has problems with her being too close to themselves and projecting their own insecurities. She's a good girl, if a little rough around the edges.
Umaru is voiced by Aimi Tanaka. She's a good VA and does the two versions of her voice really well (even if the chibi version is a little more high-pitched than I'd like, but still not too bad and I like the OP/ED songs she sings too). As far as I know, Umaru is Aimi's most famous role though she did the sheepy Koromi from Twin Angel Break. Still, she has a nice voice.
Grade: A-

: I don't care about haters, as I'm still incredibly well liked!

That you are, and also important is that I'm a fan.

: Considering you did a blog on her and she's not a villain, I think that people could already tell.

: Wait a minute. I've read old blogs and you seem to dislike characters who live double lives. What makes Umaru so special?

: Besides you know, the ability to assume a chibi form and your general enjoyment of otakus or lazy girls.

I think it has to do with context. Umaru is from a comedy show, which helps as her dual versions are portrayed in a comedic fashion rather than a double-faced one. She's also slowly improving at it as well, trying not to bother people as much as she did earlier and having respect towards others. Finally, what helps her out is that she feels bad and doesn't want this secret to get out. It's like having a way of cooling down from her so-called “perfect” life that she has to put up. It's an escape, rather than using it to manipulate people.

: I do sorta manipulate Oniisan, but the haters blow it out of proportion!

Exactly! People complain about you likely because they live in their parent's basement and have nothing better to do.

: ...Well, at least you're not in the basement, Topaz.

Exactly! Now, let's continue the blog!

===Libido===
There are a lot of pairings for the cute Umaru. Probably the most likely one is Taihei, her older brother who she lives with and takes care of her. Umaru has a lot of sweet moments with her brother, even if she's kinda bossy most of the time to him. Certainly I support Umaru more than Ebina for him, even if I prefer older sisters but all four main girls are little sisters so it shouldn't matter much xD. But indeed, I do support Taihei and Umaru's romance. As far as yuri goes, the chibi version of Umaru has Kirie call her “master” even if the dark-haired girl thinks the two forms are two separate people. She is also idolized in her taller form by Kirie, who treats Ebina as a rival. Speaking of rivalries Umaru, as UMR, is Sylphinford's rival and the two battle in games all the time. This could be seen as a form of shipping, but I don't think that is too accurate. Umaru herself is also a little perverse, playing the occasional perverse game but at least she's not a fujoshi (as far as I remember).
Grade: B-

===Age===
Umaru is 16, which is pretty good and puts her about in high school range. It's good that she has a set age as well, even if she is younger than her main “love interest”. Her birthday is September 26th, in case you were curious.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 70
Average score: 7.8
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for this week! What did you think of it?

: Ehhh? You're done already? I effectively just started playing!

: You've been playing the whole time!

: That's why I said “effectively”. I just got here and I plan to keep playing all night long!

You can't play here all night. I have to sleep in the morning.

: Ni~pah. But I'm sure that you'll love having girls in your room keeping you up at night!

: I imagine we're a little too young for Topaz's tastes. Especially the squat Umaru.

: W-what?! You can't say that about me!

: Oh? But you didn't do nearly as well as I did! Oh ho ho.

: That's true! Topaz, give me better points!

*Umaru shakes Topaz's leg with her full chibi body.*

Now now. You did as well as you could. Remember that you still got a pretty good score, and that I still like you quite a bit. Especially compared to all the haters, who I don't understand at all.

: Maybe you like lazy girls because they remind you of yourself.

That is completely possible. Nothing wrong with that, of course.

: Of course not. Laziness is the one true pleasure, one that everyone can enjoy. People need to learn how to slow down and appreciate life.

*Anzu eats a donut as she lays back, casually eating it slowly.*

: It's still unfaaaiiirrr!

Don't think that a tantrum will make me change your score. Besides, I'm the one that's letting you stay here for now.

: That's true.

: This is getting to be a big sleepover-like thing. But the anti-work group will not rest until our demands are met! 365 paid vacation days a year! Eight days off a week! Endless use of internet and electricity and every other utility!

That would truly be a perfect world...

: I agree with that. And I suppose that the ability to live in such a perfect world of sloth is worth a somewhat-low score.

Again, it's not that low in comparison. Though I do blame your chibi form as even if it's funny and entertaining thinking too hard about your mass shrinking so quickly is bad. Luckily I'm able to forget things like that.

: So what, you're just going to keep lazing around for the rest of your life?

Sounds like a good plan!

: Eight days of vacation a week!

: And endless rivers of cola!!

*The chibi chugs from a liter bottle of cola.*

: Come on, Ririchiyo! Please tell me that you have at least SOME sanity left! Get Topaz in gear and kick the lazy girls out!

: I don't mind it too much. This way of life is much easier, and I'm finally able to catch up with my reading...

: Even YOU, Riri? This problem is worse than I expected! Sounds like I'm going to have to use some DIVINE INTERVENTION for next week!
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 13, 7:13 AM | 0 comments
December 6th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-twenty-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*This week's blog starts out in Topaz's house with no one to introduce it.*

: W-wait up! I didn't realize that it was time to start!

*Ririchiyo enters the frame, panting.*

: My apologies! Then again, I wouldn't have to be the one welcoming you if SOMEONE who was SUPPOSED TO was here!

*Riri looks towards the bedroom.*

: Maybe you readers will help encourage him. Come on, this way.

*She seems to take the camera and leads it to the bedroom.*

: Listen. What you're about to see... It's not pretty.

*Riri then opens the door, revealing that the bedroom has been trashed. There's crumbs and packaging waste from food products all over, and there's dirty clothes and dust everywhere as well. Topaz is there, laying on the bed watching his phone.*

Ha ha ha! Memes!

: TOPAZ! It's Thursday, and do you know what that means?

Not at all. I mean, this season only has shows on Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. There's nothing to do today, so I'm allowed to waste my time watching videos.

: Isn't there something that you should be doing?

Naw, I'm good. Tomorrow Smash is coming out, but today I'm completely free. Though I guess that I should catch up on my backlog, especially with PreCure. I always plan to do that but get distracted too easily and I apologize seriously.

: What about your BLOG, Topaz? Don't you need to work on it?

It's alright. I have all day.

: That doesn't mean that you should be THIS lazy! I mean, you're normally lazy but this is RIDICULOUS!

You haven't even seen my final form.

*Topaz starts eating junk food in the middle of his bed, otherwise curled up in a cocoon of blankets ready to sleep.*

: Topaz... you're getting crumbs all over the bed! Don't you think you should be doing something other than wasting time here?

It's alright. The viewers aren't able to see us.

: But the VIEWERS ARE HERE!

WHAT?!

*Topaz gets up, the foodstuffs on his lap falling off. He starts looking all around, shuffling through the garbage piles.*

: Believe me, your viewers are glad that you're wearing pajama pants rather than not wearing pants at all...

That's not important! I need to find this week's girl!

: You certainly do, but I don't think that you'll be finding her in this junk heap. Come on, let's go.

No, she's here. She's been here for a while.

: W-WAIT WHAT?

Did you really think I'd make a mess like this by myself? I got help from a master.

: A master what? A master procrastinator?

More like a master relaxer. Not that I really needed one, but I've never felt more peaceful!

: That's all fine and good, but let's look for her.

Wait! What's that?!

*Topaz points.*

: What, did you find her?

*He then picks up a bag of miniature chocolate bars.*

I forgot I had this. It's from Christmas, but should still be good!

: That was almost a year ago, Topaz! *shakes head* Don't get distracted, Topaz! You have to find the girl!

Of course! Wait!

*He points to a pink bunny chair. It has a sheet over it, with a vaguely feminine shape under it.*

: There she is!

*Topaz rips the sheet off, but the feminine shape is just conveniently placed trash.*

Curses, foiled again!

: Will you quit filling time with fake outs? I'm surprised that we haven't heard a random cat jumpscare or something...

Don't be silly. But you're right. We have to lure out the girl.

*Topaz shakes the bag of candy.*

Fortunately I know what to do... CANDY SHOWER!

*He then tosses some of the chocolate bars on the floor. A loli comes out from under the bed.*

: CANDY?!

Gotcha!

*Topaz grabs the mysterious loli occupant.*

: NOOO! Stop grabbing me! Help, girl over there! He's touching me inappropriately! I demand compensation!

: Well, I can see why you are such a lump right now...

: Heh, so you've seen my handiwork? Do not think that I'm done with Topaz, though. He still needs some more work...

I think that I've gone too far even now. I've almost forgotten about my blog!

: What about your blog?

The thing that I told you about and brought you here to do.

: Ughhh... Sounds like a pain.

*Anzu scratches herself shamelessly.*

: Have some respect, for yourself and for the blog!

: Too much effort...

Don't worry, as I'll do most of the heavy work and writing. You just have to sit there and listen.

: Still too much effort. Why can't I go in the other room while you do this blog thing?

: Hey, the other girls are more willing! Like Haruna, Ranko, and Uzuki!

: Yeah, yeah... whatever.

But if you do this blog, I'll share all the profit with you! Everyone will be able to see how cute you are as well!

: That means royalties, doesn't it!

*Riri pulls Topaz aside.*

: She knows that you do this for free, right?

She doesn't have to know that.

: What are you two whispering about?

S-she's just mad that she has to share the profit with you. Nothing to be worried about!

: I see then. Well, when are we going to get started? You can't keep my adoring fans waiting, can you?

Certainly not, especially because I'm one of your fans. Now, since we've found her let's say that...



==Head==
===Hair===
Anzu may not have the best hair, but she does quite well. Her hair is fairly long, going past her hips but fortunately it doesn't cover her ass. This is because she keeps her hair in low twintails, which I really like. She also has two bumps in the back, making her hair look a little like a mushroom (though not overly so). Her twintails are also held with holders, which depend on her outfit. Anzu also has a long middle bang, but it's blunt which helps. The gaps on the side are too big to call it a hime cut, but her straight bangs look nice. Her sides aren't too thick, with most of the hair on the sides of her head being pulled back for the ponytail. Still, her sidecurls seem to go past her chin which is nice. Anzu does have blonde hair, or at least very light tan, but it looks good with her. For a bit of variety she has a few different styles, such as having her hair down or in a twin braid, on some cards which give her a bit more variety. Overall Anzu has really great hair, with it fitting her body really well.
Grade: A-

===Eyes===
Sadly Anzu doesn't wear glasses, even as a short moment as far as I know or remember or could find. That said, she still does really well even if she has some things that are usually issues. Anzu's eyes are tarame, but with her small stature that works pretty well. Even with the tarame eyes she still has a lot of determination in her eyes (when she wants there to be, at least) and they also work with her sleepy low-energy personality. It's hard for me to tell the color of Anzu's eyes though, they look brown to me but I've been known for not knowing colors that well. Overall her eyes are very pretty and she looks great even with a lack of glasses.
Grade: B

: Ugh... I get enough of that from Haruna. Don't you guys know how hard it is to fall asleep in glasses?

That's fair, but there's a simple solution. Don't fall asleep randomly.

: Um... *lays down* I can't hear you, I'm too tired and sleeping. Snore snore.

And in the middle of the blog too...

: Topaz. She's not really sleeping.

: Yes I am, I mean “snore snooze snore”.

*Anzu almost got up, opening her eye before closing it. She wasn't falling for a trick that easy.*

No no. It's a shame that she's asleep though. After the blog I was going to share this candy with her...

: CANDY?

*Anzu sits up at the word, coughing a bit.*

: I-I mean, there's no way I can sleep here. It's far too loud and I want to make sure you get my good side. After all, the royalties from this blog should be huge, right?

Something like that...

===Face===
Anzu is an extremely cute girl. Her small size really works well with her cute puni-like features and the art style really amplifies her appearance too. She's just so adorable with her dot nose and acorn-shaped face with soft cheeks. She also has amazing expressions too. Most of them fall into one of three categories: Either her cutesy idol persona, a “don't bother my I'm being lazy”-type of face, and one of the best smug faces I've ever seen. Anzu just seems to have a perfect grin for that type of thing, and in general I really like her expressions. She's just so adorable and cheeky!
Grade: A+

==Body==
===Build===
Anzu is also very “cheeky” here, but more on that later. Anzu is 139 cm and 30 kg, making her one of the smallest girls in the whole franchise (which is surprising considering how many there are). That said, her measurements are a secret even if the majority of girls in the franchise have them. It is said that the hacking meganekko Makino found them out, but as of now they are still hidden out of public knowledge. That said, Anzu is still fairly slender and loli-like. This is good as she's really short and while she's loli-sized she doesn't seem too bothered by it. She even says that she doesn't want to get taller or bigger as that's a waste of energy. I take this as being proud of her body, which I like. Also her “close friend” Kirari is quite tall so she can pick up Anzu easily (which is how she's often captured). In addition, Anzu's legs are pretty nice considering her small size and her feet are shown bare quite a bit (even if I'm not into looking at feet too much). Of course, we can't forget about Anzu's ass either. It even gets spanked at one point in the main series! Well, above her clothes and not intentionally, but still! She also has a few ass shots on some cards, with the best shot being where she's stealing moon dumplings. There's also some times where she's sitting on her bunny, even if it's not emphasized too much. It's not that big, but considering Anzu's small size I suppose that might be expected. That said, she's still quite good overall and has a beautiful loli body.
Grade: B+

===Chest===
As mentioned before Anzu is pretty slender and loli-like. That also applies here, fortunately, as she has a flat chest. She seems pretty proud about it as well, as like with her small body in general she's glad to not be carrying around excess weight (which would be too much work). She does wear a bikini top in one Halloween picture, so she's not too afraid to show off (within reason) either. Still, it's mostly hard to tell and I wouldn't mind her showing off a bit more (well, not with nipples or anything as that doesn't fit the series, but at least make her measurements known or something!)
Grade: B

: That's certainly true. Why anyone would want to expend the energy to grow disgusting lumps of meat? They're not good for anything.

Certainly not!

: You're not one that should be agree with that. I've found your books under your bed.

T-those aren't important...

: Topaz, what did I tell you? Keep those on your computer, where we don't have to see them!

I thought that they were! There shouldn't be anything under the bed! I'd be surprised if there's enough room under there with all the junk for Anzu to even fit.

: Alright then, so I saw the while snooping around his computer. Still doesn't mean that he's not a mamocentric idiot!

*Anzu points her finger at Topaz.*

: Don't think I didn't notice a theme with your favorites! Shotacom paizuri lover!

I am. I mean, that's not an insult if you're just pointing out the truth.

: I think she's more complaining that you don't have enough books involving girls like her.

But that's different. I can still appreciate beautiful slender girls like you!

: Say that to your friends!

: Wait, are you trying to get him in trouble so that you don't have to stay here as long?

: Uhh...

Because I will finish the blog, even if you distract my readers.

: Curses! Why did my plan falter?

It's because I have no shame!

*Topaz gives a smile.*

: Huu huu, fortunately I do not either!

*Anzu does the same smile with thumbs up. Ririchiyo sighs from this.*

: You two are too synchronized. How about we get going with the blog?

Sounds like a good idea. Let's finish up, as I think that you might be pleased.

: I doubt it, but continue regardless...

Don't expend so much energy being excited. But still, let's continue onward!

===Clothes===
Anzu also does really great here, as a lot of idols do. The outfit she's most well known for is a shirt with “If you work you lose” in Japanese on it, as well as striped bloomers. Not buruma, as that would be good, but the boring fluffy kind of bloomers that looks more like shorts. Other outfits include an assortment of idol outfits too. If you include the cards she has a lot more including an outfit with a hat, necktie, vest, and white shirt. Some other outfits included a striped two-piece swimsuit that sadly covers her navel and has shorts, a miko-like outfit, even more idol outfits (some of which also have nice hats), a Halloween devil with cloak as well as a gothloli-like devilish costume with miniskirt, a striped leggings and bikini top, both a normal Santa costume and a sexier Santa costume with her navel exposed, a kimono, a sundress with hat, a yukata, a maid outfit, a bunny ears kimono that makes her look queenly, and a blazer schoolgirl outfit with necktie and plaid skirt. Overall she has a lot of great outfits, though she is strangely missing something obvious in a sukumizu (both as it would fit her body type and it fits with her being to lazy to go shopping for a swimsuit). Still, with all the appealing outfits she does extremely well here.
Grade: A+

==Mind==
===Personality===
Anzu is almost like my spirit animal, I like her so much. She's a lazy girl who would rather laze about than do actual idol work. She got recruited when out shopping for her weekly food supply (so she has to leave the house as little as possible) and while she originally rejected being an idol she wanted to become one when the talk of royalties and never having to properly work came up. Still, she's a NEET even when it comes to being an idol. She phones in her live concerts by pre-recording her choruses because she's too lazy to sing a full song (fortunately she's not mocked for this as it fits with her character). Anzu also has a habit of talking people into either laying around with her and not working or into making them feel guilty about making her work. She also likes to hide, even to the point of making obvious hiding places for people to think that she's in while hiding elsewhere. Sometimes I think that Anzu would probably put more effort into not working than she would actually doing what she was told to. Still, she works with other idols just fine. Anzu also has a habit of manipulating people with trolly logic. One example is when she gets caught eating dumplings for the moon festival and tries to get out of it by saying that the offering is for the rabbits on the moon, she has a stuffed rabbit, and as the stuffed rabbit's master she deserves the dumplings (she got yelled at afterwards). Oh, and she has a stuffed rabbit she takes everywhere named “Bunny” (yes, it has an un-creative name but Anzu is lazy. She named one of her songs basically “Anzu's song” because she's too lazy to make a better name). She is also a genius when needed, solving a math problem in the series to get out of being forced to do bungee jumping. Anzu's favorite hobbies are sleeping, playing video games, and watching anime and reading manga (outside of sleep, those are my hobbies pretty much too). She also likes junk food and sweets, especially candy. Probably the most interesting thing about Anzu, other than her awesome tastes in hobbies, is that she was one of the first Cinderella Girls to get a voice. She's very popular, which is awesome for the cute lazy loli. Speaking of her voice, Anzu is voiced by Hirami Igarashi. She gives the girl a cute good voice, one that's pretty fitting as well. That said, Hirami Igarashi isn't a very major VA as most of her roles seem to be in hentai, or are less-famous roles like Hina the loli from Papaetc, Yuri the meganekko maid from Overlord, or Aoi from Long Riders. Not that it hurts Anzu that her VA isn't used more often, though. Overall I really have a close connection to Anzu, and she is a great lazy genius just like myself (well, she's certainly lazier but still).
Grade: A

Though allow me to take a moment and apologize for my past blogs.

: You're not going to have a literal “apology” hint hint nudge nudge, right?

: Ugghhh.... Do we really have to do this? It sounds like a lot of wasted energy...

It's something that really should be done. But it's just me apologizing, and no distractions.

: Such a waste of time...

Hey, it's not like I'm paying you by the word. *looks to the side* It's not like I'm paying you at all, but that's aside.

: HEY JUST WAIT A MIN-

Anyway, while not a blog I should apologize for a really old blog comment. I was being lazy with Haqua's, or maybe MAL was acting up and I got irritated, but regardless I apologize for the poor comment that doesn't make a joke or try to bring people in. I really should have known better.

: But it's fine, because working hard is a waste of effort. Now, about my payment-

I just hope that Haqua is able to hear my apology, as I am severely sorry for her.

: Topaz, it's been years since her series ended and I doubt that anyone has thought about the series in that time.

*Meanwhile, in Hell and certainly no Home for Infinite Losers, two demons are poking a terrible evil harem “winner” with pitchforks. One of them looks up after showing off her thong ass, and the other asks what's happening.*

: Something up, Haqua?

: Not at all. I just feel as if someone is talking about me. I only hope that it's a good thing, but it's good that I'm still being remembered even now. I do forgive them, for whatever they did. N-not that I really mind, of course.

*Haqua then pouts before resuming prodding the overrated harem “winner”, and we return to Topaz.*

I would also like to apologize to Zettai about Takane's blog.

: Haven't you done that enough? I'm sure he forgives you thanks to all the Takane service you've given him!

Yes, but that didn't mean that I needed to give service to myself! It's a shame that it turned into such an NTR-ish scene as that was not my intent at all.

: That's what you get for working hard. Be more lazy, and continue with the blog!

Not before I apologize for Takane's blog! And also Azusa's blog, since we're on the topic of Idolmaster though that one was more mamocentric like too many of my earlier blogs...

: It's alright, I'm sure that Zettai understands your issues and likes your character development!

I can only hope so...

*Meanwhile, backstage at an idol festival.*

: Don't worry, as I forgive you. I've had plenty of fun.

: What are you talking about?

: Oh? There was someone here? ...Heh, I was just talking to myself, thinking back on Topaz's blogs...

: I remember that. But I'm sure he apologizes for what I did too, as I was feeling very excited and probably ruined the one I starred in. I should apologize to him and Zettai sometime...

: I'm sure that Zettai would rather I “apologize” for you. I know just the way too, ufufu...

*Takane pats her fat ass, making it jiggle in her tight skirt. A third idol comes up.*

: Miki wants to know what's going on!

: Just discussing the blogs.

: Miki has heard of those! Miki wants one as she's bound to do well!

: With Topaz maybe, and even then you might suffer these days...

: Hmmm, this group is highly suspicious. As if the one who arranged us needs to have their eyes scooped out with a rusty knife...

: Ara ara, I'm certain it is just coincidence. Besides, they should know that your body is improved now.

: Miki noticed! It's that Takane's ass is much bigger!

: Well, I wasn't going to say anything but I can't let horrible cows outdo me. My gigantic ass has to reign supreme!

: Miki certainly is impressed!

*She pokes Takane's fat ass, which springs and bounces.*

: AH AHH! Be careful! I'm saving a lot of “performance” for Zettai!

: Stop that this instant, Miki! That's a huge threat. But didn't you use it all up a few weeks ago in that one concert?

: The one with Uzuki and others including Mikumo's Venus ass and Kanan's bodysuit ass? Sure but I've had a lot of ramen since!

: Miki says not to fart during the performance!

: I suppose, but I'm still going to have to punish the ones who arranged this...

*The three go on stage as we return to Topaz and the others. We don't want a copyright strike on this blog....*

: So how much longer is this going to go on?

Topaz: Probably not much longer. I just have to apologize for Ayame's blog.

: AGAIN? I mean, she's a pile of poo but you've already apologized for her. I think.

Topaz: I suppose that's fair. But do know that I'm still sorry for giving her so many points in personality when she's boring and mamocentric, her clothes are boring and mamocentric, and in general she's boring and mamocentric.

: Sounds terrible, unlike me! Speaking of which, can we get back to the blog? I'm losing what little attention I have.

Great plan, as Ayame doesn't deserve a scene. Let's finish up then!

===Libido===
Sadly this is Anzu's worst area. She really doesn't seem to show any, and unlike most of the characters she doesn't seem too into the producer either. Though she is tsundere for him, as she takes his candy and says it's because it's the sweetest but refuses to tell the brand so that she can “have it all to herself”. She does have a Valentine's day card where she's offering chocolate, though considering the comic she's probably just eating it herself. That said, Anzu does have a special bond with Kirari the hyper tall girl. They're in a pair together, and are complete opposites but are a rare example of that pair completely working. The two even wish to be together and one of the best scenes in the series is with Kirari on Anzu's lap saying how nice their bond is and Anzu gives a sweet smile.
Grade: B-

===Age===
Despite appearances Anzu is seventeen. This means that she gets a good score, even if it would have been better had she been a year older. Her birthday is also September second, one day after the tall Kirari's birthday.
Grade: A-

Total Grades: 87
Average score: 9.7
Final Grade: A-

And that's the score for the week.

: W-wait...

*She rubs her eyes.*

: I-is that a really high score? I mean, it's not super high, but considering Anzu isn't a meganekko that's still really good!

: HA! I should have known that you didn't like me as much as you expected-w-wait, what was that?

: Topaz scored you pretty well! You've even beaten me!

: Wait a minute. Let me see that!

*Anzu pulls the score card out of Riri's hands. She then grins evilly at her total, laughing at the assistant.*

: Oh ho? It looks like Topaz has a NEW favorite loli.

In all fairness Ririchiyo would score FAR better these days. Just her chest score would probably make up the difference, and that's not counting the fact that I'd probably score you better now that I've finished your story.

: I-I don't need your pity! (Though I still enjoy it. Thank you, even if I can't tell you in person.)

That said, because Anzu scored so well she gets a picture!

: E-EHH? I wasn't informed of this!

: Well, we weren't expecting you to get such a good score either. Don't worry, as you won't have to do anything at all.

: Ugh, such a bother. But make it quick.

Let's see here. Say cheese!

: Too much work...



: There. Picture. Now can I go back to lazying about?

That's not a very good picture. I mean, it describes you well but it's really plain. How about we spice it up a little?

: Such a BOTHER! I'd better get some vacation time after this...

: Being fair you'll have vacation time until Topaz needs you again. So put in the work!

: Finee.... But do you think that you can leave so that I can get ready?

Leave so that you can lock us out of the room so that you can laze about? I don't think so.

: Tsk, how dare you counter my genius plan. Well, let's do this then...

*Anzu gets in her big bunny chair, sitting cutely.*

: Go on, take the picture!

Certainly! Here it goes!



Well, that was certainly a picture.

: Still looks a little plain..

: You are being too picky.

: I just want to make sure Topaz is fair to the first loli with a picture is all!

Right, and I want it to be sexy too!

: I'm a cute idol, I don't get sexy roles a lot. But that does remind me. I did have a gravure picture from a beach shoot recently...



*Topaz sighs*

Well, that's probably the best that we'll be getting. Not that there's anything wrong with it, as you look cute Anzu.

: Of course, as I ALWAYS looks cute!

: Certainly. But now that the blog is over what are we going to do?

: I'm going to sit here and lay about. Maybe grab a cola too...

*Anzu starts eating junk food and drinking cola right out of the bottle.*

: Ugh, I see where you got your lazy habits from... But any ideas about next week, Topaz?

Hmmm... Laziness... Cola... hamster... I know!

: I'm confused again. Can't you be more specific?

Let's just say that we'll be looking at a certain imouto with a normal and chibi form. And she ain't no yeti either!
Posted by emperortopaz | Dec 6, 7:43 AM | 0 comments
November 29th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-twenty-second week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. As you may have known from last week, I'm currently in Gensokyo. I was sent here after defeating Quattro and her airship crashed in the ocean, but don't worry as I'm perfectly fine! Well, at least hopefully...

*The camera pans out to show a tall mature woman standing over Topaz and Suwako.*

: You don't need to worry about me, Topaz. I've already had my fun, ufufu.

That sounds foreshadowing. Don't tell me that you're in the middle of an evil plot or conspiracy...

: Templates like that are forbidden. And don't worry, what I did didn't involve you at all.

: Does it involve me?

: You mean you and your bony ass? Certainly not.

: Phew-w-wait. What do you mean by “bony ass”?

Don't worry, Suwako! I'm sure that you'll grow a big ass, even if the rest of you doesn't grow at all.

: Having all my faith centered in my ass does sound sexy-NO! I can't get distracted! What sort of thing have you done, Kanako?

: Nothing that you need to know about. Let's just say that I visited a certain someone...

Sounds promising. Hopefully he enjoyed it.

: Oh believe me. I'm sure that he did.

Wait, did that mean that you had to leave Gensokyo?

: You may have came from that world, but that doesn't mean that you can travel between the barrier whenever you feel like it!

: Relax. I wasn't gone long and from what I could tell there weren't many customers. Unless Topaz here wants some of my divine blessing.

No thanks. I imagine that my friend had plenty of your “Goddess Wind”.

: Ufufu, you know me so well. A real cutie he was. But don't worry, as I wasn't going to bless you in that method.

: Don't tell me you're going to attack me. I'm still worn out after my battle with Cirno.

: Still? Wasn't that a week ago?

That blog was chronologically right before this one, so don't use that as a time frame. It gets confusing if you try and bring meta things into the blog.

: Metal things? I thought I rusted all of Suwako's weapons!

: He said “meta”, not “metal”! What, is it hard to hear way up there?

*Kanako casually places her ass, which is level with Suwako's head, on her fellow goddesses head. Suwako muffles cutely, squirming as the tall goddess even pushes with more of her weight.*

: Did you hear something, Topaz? I thought that Suwako was here, but she seems to have disappeared. Where oh where could she be?

: MMMPHHH!

I'd be careful if I were you, Kanako. You sound like you're about to sit on a frog.

: Is that some strange euphemism for farting? I swear, you humans are always making strange sayings and I can barely keep up with them all...

: MMMRRPPPHHH!

You've had your fun, Kanako. How about you get off Suwako's face. Poor girl looks like she'll suffocate.

: Surprising as my “friend” loved that. Though I imagine that's because Suwako doesn't like the scent of my rank natural odors. Here, I'll let you have fresh air again...

*Kanako then stands up, getting her ass off Suwako's face. The loli goddess falls to the ground, panting the fresh air.*

: Pant... so heavy... and rank...

It does look quite heavy, I agree. If only you could do things like that in canon.

: I agree. I'd love to tease young kids with my fat ass. Though I would say that boys have the best reactions-tee hee.

*Kanako smirks as she giggles, flustering Topaz.*

A-anyway, how about we get to this “blessing” you were going to give me?

: So hasty. Don't worry, I like a man who knows what he wants.

*Topaz swallows as Kanako teases him, leaning over and whispering that line in his ear.*

: And by that... I mean a blog.

*She then stands back up, ending her tease of Topaz.*

O-oh yeah. I was hoping you'd say that...

: Really?

Well, I suppose that my friend wouldn't like me playing with you, and I'd have other girls I'd rather play with before you. But don't think that means I won't do a good blog on you either! I'll be fair and proper!

: Sounds like a good plan, so get on with it! You've wasted enough time already!

I like it when girls are this agreeable to do the blog. And as you can tell, I'm here to say that...

Today's girl is:



Kanako Yasaka
from
the Touhou series


: Wait, so you're going to do Kanako then?

That's right. Why, is there a problem?

: Yes, Suwako. Is there a problem?

*Kanako's red eyes glare at Suwako, sending a shiver down the frog's back. Her eyes are nearly as intimidating as a cobra.*

: N-no! Not at all! But we still have to talk about you leaving Gensokyo!

: Don't worry yourself. That was a non-canon visit so it shouldn't affect much. Other than perhaps making this blog a little bit more interesting.

My blogs are plenty interesting, though nothing wrong with a little fanservice spice to change things up a little. But that shall come later, as I should start with the blog!

==Head==
===Hair===
Kanako's hair has it's good and bad points. The best part is the purple color, which is dark and near black for one of my favorite hair colors. The problem is that her hair is very short, not even reaching her shoulders at times. Her sides are about as long as her hair, which isn't bad but she really needs longer hair. That doesn't mean that Kanako's hair doesn't have volume though, it goes out to the sides pretty far. It looks like it goes past her shoulders horizontally, which is somewhat interesting. She also has a hairband with leaves, which makes the top part of her hair look a little like a bun. This hair style has been compared to Misae from Crayon Shin-chan as well, due to how far it goes out to the sides (and it seems that Kanako even uses her “guri-guri” punishment, meaning squeezing the head between her fists, at one point against Marisa). Kanako's bands are somewhat long and are swept to the side (at least in the manga). Overall while Kanako's hair color is nice, and the style is pretty unique I suppose, I would like it to be longer.
Grade: B

===Eyes===
Kanako does really well here. It might be hard to notice in the game itself, but she has great red eyes. Not only that but while they're tarame in the original game all of her appearances give her a very sexy tsurime which looks great. The color works well with her dark-colored hair, and the tsurime makes her look very dommy. All in all she's quite great here, only missing glasses as her flaw. Oh, and I should mention here that there's a version of Kanako with snake-eyes. This version seems to be a younger version of her (sometimes), but when I say “snake-eyes” I mean that her pupils are slit-like. It's a cool variation but it does make her look a little more serious or emotionless than I expect.
Grade: B+

===Face===
As mentioned with the other Touhou girls Kanako's original image doesn't show off too well. And she doesn't even have a fighting game to save her. Fortunately for her the manga helps instead. In it Kanako looks very cute but in a mature way. She also has a small nose, which is always a good sign for me. In fact, on one of the Wild and Horned Hermit books she's on the cover and has a very dominant-looking smirk. In general she looks great in the manga, and I'm guessing that's how she's perceived to look in the original game too.
Grade: B+



==Body==
===Build===
Like with Suwako before her Kanako's main issue is that she doesn't show off. That's not the type of series this is, once again. I do suppose that she shows off her (sock-wearing) feet in the official work due to her footwear, but I'm not too big on that. She really should show off her fat mature ass instead! Especially with how shapely her waist appears to be it would look great. I'll also add that Kanako may be one of the tallest characters in Touhou, but there's no way to prove that and I'm just thinking that due to her being one of the more adult girls.
Grade: C+

===Chest===
Fortunately Kanako doesn't seem to show off her chest too much either. She is bustier, mostly due to being an adult, but luckily it's not a forced characteristic for her either. In addition, in certain official works (including her first appearance) Kanako looks more modest which is fine. Overall not much to say here, she's busty but has an adult body for it as well.
Grade: B

===Clothes===
Kanako only has one outfit, which is a shame as she doesn't even seem to have variations like Suwako did. Her outfit is a red dress with a darker skirt with designs on the bottom hem, a white undershirt with long sleeves, and sandals with socks. There are also certain sources that says she might go around barefoot, but I'm not sure about it. Kanako also has a mirror on her chest; overall not too bad but sadly certain artists interpret the mirror as a hole for cleavage which is unfortunate. She also has a tied mini-shimenawa around her neck as a collar, but she's more well known for the one that appears behind her. Speaking of Kanako's tools she also uses Onbashira, meaning big holy logs, and uses them like magical cannons. People have compared her to the Gundam Guncannon due to them, though I'm surprised no one has compared her to Blastoise for the same reason. Regardless, while Kanako's outfit is pretty unique and goes well with her hair more variety would help.
Grade: C



==Mind==
===Personality===
Kanako has a pretty good personality. As mentioned last week she defeated Suwako for the Moriya shrine, but before that Kanako seems to have had an adventure. She's a grouping of many gods from the real world, which were prayed to as a group they became one. She then worked hard, but as humans lost interest in deities she left and went to Gensokyou. She started with Youkai Mountain, but the tengu and kappas that lived there started to become too powerful by praying to her. Eventually she started working with Suwako to help out people, being the “face” while Suwako did all the dirty work (though mostly because she's the one more suited to what the worshippers ask for). Kanako is pretty shrewd, always thinking of plots to increase the faith of her shrine in ways that are mutually beneficial. For example, when the tengu were getting angry she told the humans she'll take care of it. She then met with the tengu and got them to calm down; this means that the humans started praying to her, she got more faith, and due to Kanako's warnings the humans wouldn't go into the tengu's territory and bother them so it was a win for everyone involved. She's also a big ham when it comes to handling humans, acting like a barker or salesman for her faith. Kanako's main problem is that she ends up making a lot of incidents, starting with attacking the Hakurei shrine first and coming up with all sorts of crazy plans. The plans often don't take the protagonists into consideration, or cause incidents so often that “Moriya shrine conspiracy” is part of the famed forbidden template of Touhou stories. Not that this is bad, of course. It means that she has her toes in most plots since she's been introduced, and she's the type of villain that's entertaining to see fail. That said, she is still a powerful individual. Kanako is quick to evolve, changing what she's the god of whenever the people's faith in her starts to wane. She went from being a god of storm to a god of mountains to a god of technology, which she is at the moment. Due to this transition we're not quite sure how Kanako's abilities work. She controls “Qian”, which means the sky which is fitting for a storm god, but it also means “emperor” and who knows what that means. Poor Kimiko, perhaps. Overall Kanako is a great girl, a little manipulative but considering her intimidating size that just makes her seem sexier.
Grade: B

===Libido===
Sadly this is one area where Suwako does better than Kanako. I don't think that any libido is shown, and Kanako seems like the type to prioritize her business (of obtaining faith) over having a relationship. From what I can tell, she's often paired with either Suwako or Sanae. Maybe Utsuho due to their rough connection though I don't know if that's as major. Still, it's not like Kanako dismisses sex or things like that either, it's just that it doesn't get brought up with her.
Grade: C

===Age===
Like with Suwako last week we're not quite sure how old Kanako actually is. She's much more mature-looking than her fellow goddess though. In addition, she's counted among the hagsmore advanced residents of Gensokyou. The wiki that I get some information from states that she's over 2000 years old, but I cannot find any other evidence of that. Still, she is quite, er, “powerful” to say the least.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 66
Average score: 7.3
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for this week! How did you girls like it?

: W-WHAT? I got the same score as this shrimp?

: And here I was thinking you'd be doing much better than me with your curvier tall body.

I might have preferences, but they don't work out well when the girl doesn't show off!

: What, do you want me to show off my ass more in canon? Maybe do what I did in that one spoiler?

: No one but Zettai wants that...

While showing your ass would help, I'm not too into the things in the spoiler. That doesn't mean that I won't write them, as Zettai needs more things that appeal to his tastes. Poor guy gets beaten up by nearly every show. Either they start mamocentric and stay that way, become a traitor a few episodes in, or are so full of trolling things that everything seems terrible. He needs a lot more support, both from me and officially!

: You're a kind friend, but that doesn't explain how Suwako and I got the same score! I mean, just look at us!

While you do have much better eyes and hair, though both of you have sadly short hair, Suwako does have a big advantage in that she has had sex in canon. Besides, lolis can be great too!

: That much should be obvious.

: Silence, or do you want me to show Topaz how much better I am with my powers?

*Kanako holds out her hand, summoning her Onbashira.*

: I may not have the power I once did, but don't think that fighting Cirino means that I'll take this laying down!

*Suwako gets into a fighting pose as well, her iron rings floating around her arms. However, Topaz steps between the two glaring goddesses.*

STOP STOP! You girls are friends, and you can't let me get between you! I just like both of you the same, even if for different reasons! Suwako is a very cute frog loli with an interesting playstyle, while Kanako has an age advantage and body I prefer.

: Aww, you're just saying that because of my fat mature ass, aren't you?

That is one aspect, yes. Though you really should show it off more in canon.

: I suppose that is what fanart and doujins are for...

Exactly-wait, should you really be reading naughty books? You look like a kid!

: HEY! Who are you calling a kid!

S-sorry, I was just trying to make a reference about a certain vampire anime...

: Oh? The one with the girl who loses her cross and becomes assier?

...So it's been so long that the show has aired that it's become so forgotten that it's arrived here... Man, am I getting old.

: No, I just saw one of the girls on my way back here.

That's a much better explanation.

: Speaking of Kanako's trip back here, shouldn't you be leaving?

Oh yeah! Riri's going to be picking me up, so I should get going! Sorry if my blog didn't slide on one side or another for you two!

: Do not worry. We're used to being considered a pair.

: Maybe not as close as the two Fall sisters, but we still often appear together!

Indeed, and it was good to talk and blog about both of you. See you soon, perhaps.

: Have a pleasant trip!

: Good luck!

*Topaz then waves to the two, who wave back, and he makes his way to the edge of Gensokyo. There he passes through the gates easily and meets Riri.*

: There you are, Topaz. I've been waiting over an hour!

Sorry about that. I had a long trip after doing two blogs.

: Grumble-if you keep doing Touhou blogs two at a time you'll run out of girls... mumble.

Don't say things like that. Though I do suppose that I don't know a lot of the more modern girls as well. Still, I'm sure time will tell as far as girls I'll talk about.

: True. But let's not talk about work. We have a long trip ahead of ourselves.

True!

*With that Topaz and Ririchiyo head home. Topaz is looking very exhausted by the time they get there, and he waves to Rika and Kimiko as he passes.*

Nice to see you two again, and thank you for all your hard work earlier in the month too. Especially you, Kimiko.

: Thank you, though you won't be thanking me once you get Hiroko's bill!

: But don't worry, as we'll take care of it. You just have a good rest, as you look exhausted.

Of course, as I was DEAD TIRED!

*Kimiko giggles at the bad joke but Rika and Riri sigh.*

: This is no time for silly jokes, Topaz. Just go to bed.

Great plan...

*Topaz doesn't even get undressed, falling into his bed face-first against the pillows. However, Ririchiyo makes a revelation.*

: W-WAIT! Don't sleep yet!

Mmmpphh... but I'm tired... All this fighting has made me want to sleep until the new year.

: Don't do THAT. You'll miss out on so many holidays! Not to mention your blogs. Though speaking of it, you forgot to say whose coming next week?

Mmmphh... Do I have to?

: Yes! People are expecting you to give hints as to who it might be!

Mmmmppphhh.... just assume it's someone that I like and find CUTE. That's all the hints you'll be getting.

: Come on, Topaz! You can't just idle around and do nothing!

But I like doing nothing...

: TOPAZ! You fought hard to keep your blog, so WORK on it properly!

IF YOU WORK YOU LOSE!

*Riri is taken aback.*

: What do you think that this is, your lazy kingdom? Were you bitten by a lazy fairy?! Give a proper hint!

It's alright, I'm sure that the fans know who I'm talking about.

*Topaz shoos Ririchiyo away, who seems confused.*

: Hmmm, hopefully the readers have a better idea than I do...
Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 29, 7:23 AM | 0 comments
November 22nd, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-twenty-first week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We join Topaz at the Moriya shrine in Gensokyo.*

Welcome back, everyone. Good to see you after the big anniversary blog last week. Fortunately I don't expect there to be as much reading required this week, and hopefully all of the foes we've fought have learned their lessons and will never challenge us again. And hopefully we can get through this year without any major interruptions as well. But it's still good to see you here, where I'll be talking to the goddess of the shrine today.

: Are you sure you don't want to blog Kanako instead? She's usually the one who deals with customers.

Fortunately I'm not a customer. I'm here to talk about you, Suwako.

*Topaz pats her big hat cutely.*

: That's good to hear. I've heard a lot of good things about your blogs too. I even know that you did Sanae's blog way back!

True that it's been a VERY long time since I talked about her, but I'm glad that you remember that.

: Of course, as I had faith you'd eventually come back and talk about me.

Of course you had faith. You're an ancient god. You are practically built on faith!

: Great joke! Though enough with the stalling as I want to hear you praise me. Maybe I'll even get more followers!

I'd love if my readers became your followers, but since there aren't many of them I don't think that would happen. Then again, a lot of (fictional) girls read it so maybe they'll start believing in you more.

: They'll believe in the me that believes in themselves!

Precisely! And speaking of belief you'd better believe that I'm here to say that...

Today's girl is:



Suwako Moriya
from
the Touhou series


==Head==
===Hair===
Suwako is off to a somewhat slow start here. She does have fairly short hair, or at least medium length as it only goes to her shoulders or so. It does look very voluminous, which helps as it looks good. The sides are also longer as well, reaching about to her sides. Suwako keeps small ribbons on her sidecurls as well, which is quite cute. She does have pretty basic bangs, mostly being curved with a gap in the center (it's more pronounced in her main series appearance, with the curves of her bangs being more apparent). I will mention that she's blonde most of the time, which isn't too interesting. Fortunately the fighting game has many palette swaps for Suwako which means that her hair changes color. Some of my favorites are black and purple, which is to be expected I imagine.
We can't talk about Suwako without talking about her iconic hat either. It appears to be a straw hat, with a big brim all around and two eyes at the top. It's usually brown, though like her hair the color changes in the palette swaps. The name the fans gave Suwako's hat is “Pyonta”, and some people even say that it's in control of Suwako or is Suwako's main body. Obviously that's non-canon but I found it humorous enough to mention. Overall Suwako isn't too great, with blond and sorta-short hair, but her cute ribbons and interesting and unique hat help her out.
Grade: B-

===Eyes===
Sadly Suwako doesn't do too well here either. Not that she's bad, but rather her eyes are blue. When combined with her eyes this means that she has the most overused combination ever, and she's not even a foreigner to balance it out (well, a foreigner to Gensokyo, but you get what I mean). She also has a tarame, which isn't great for my tastes either. In fairness at least Touhou has enough girl that this isn't too much of a problem as other series, but for Suwako it's a bad combination of factors. Granted she does still look really cute, and in her more recent appearances she looks like she has a more green/hazel color which isn't too bad, but she does have some issues here. Still, her eyes are cute and fit with her appearance well.
Grade: B-

===Face===
Suwako is about average for a Touhou character, which means that she's not exactly that cute or detailed in the main series. She has a really round face, but that might just be me. Anyway, fortunately Suwako makes an appearance in the fighting games which have a more anime look to them. There her head is more acorn-shaped, giving her more pronounce features including cheeks. She also has a dot nose and is very cute, appealing to me well. Overall Suwako is a lovely girl with a cute loli face that's very pretty.
Grade: B+



==Body==
===Build===
Suwako has a pretty unknown body. This is both because of the art style as well as her baggy clothes causing problems. Not that Touhou is that much of a fanservice series either, which means she doesn't have the opportunities to show off at all. This includes her ass too, but she might be too child-like to really be too arousing either. The main game series also has a meme where Zun can't draw well, and that means that the characters have fairly cylindrical features. Suwako's fighting game versions and manga helps out with this again, and we can see that at the very least her legs are nice. Speaking of the fighting game, I find it appropriate that Suwako's fighting style is odd as she hops around rather than walk and her crouch is taller than her regular standing position. It's a strange but interesting thing, but overall Suwako is a cute loli with a body to match. It's a shame we're not able to see more of it though.
Grade: B-

===Chest===
As mentioned before, Suwako is a loli and has the body of one. This includes having a mostly flat chest, and there's nothing too offensive here either. In general she's probably one of the flattest residents though in general there's not a lot of busty Touhou girls (in canon, at least). Not much to say here.
Grade: B

===Clothes===
Suwako has a pretty ordinary usual outfit. She usually wears a purple dress with frog designs on it (though fan art tends to ignore them as they're complicated), a white shirt with big white sleeves, and thighhighs with black shoes. Though I will say that the thighhighs are rolled down slightly in her initial design. Her legs are shown off, with her skirt being pretty short. Suwako's outfit makes me think of a miko's outfit for some reason (I think it's the big white sleeves). The biggest problem here is that Suwako lacks variety, it would be nice to see her in other outfits in canon. I will say that some of her palette swaps are cool, the black and red motif one looking the best.
Grade: C



==Mind==
===Personality===
Suwako has a pretty interesting backstory. She's originally from our world, and somehow got brought to Gensokyo at some point. She is also an original god build on faith, and controls the Moriya shrine (even if she has Kanako interact with customers). Suwako is also in control of Mishaguji, which are snake-like curse gods and by using their abilities Suwako can use curses herself (even if she'd rather give out blessings to her supporters instead). But more personally she also has the ability to manipulate Earth, including minerals like her noteworthy iron rings. To be fair her ability is technically to manipulate “Kun” which is a Taoist philosophy meaning not just Earth but also acceptance, devotion, subtlety, flexibility, and reacting to others rather than acting first. I'm not quite sure what that means, but it gives Suwako to do things like swim through the earth, summon geysers and magma, grow plants instantly, and bend rivers. She was defeated by Kanako at some point in the past, likely to reinforce the Japanese myth where snakes defeat frogs (there is no slug girl in Touhou to beat Kanako and be beaten by Suwako though). Kanako took out a thin vine and made Suwako's steel equipment rust instantly, winning her battle if curious.
As for Suwako's actual personality, she's very cute. She acts a little childish, but she likely knows more than she lets on. She knows about all of Kanako's schemes to get more faith, and helps her out most times too. She's a little mischievous and enjoys competing, which includes fighting which she calls “danmaku festivals”. This is why she encounters the player character in the bonus round in Mountain of Faith. She's a very cute character, and while not one of my favorites she's hard to dislike. Suwako is just a good character. Oh, and technically she's not a “frog god”, she just has a frog motif (ironically she does use snakes with one of her spell cards in the fighting game).
Grade: B

===Libido===
There isn't too much to talk about here. Suwako isn't that perverse, at least as far as I know, and the series doesn't tend to show it off too much either. Granted, she did have sex at some point in canon as she's Sanae's ancestor (though the question is that if she had the same loli body at that time). She doesn't seem to get much yuri interaction in the series either, but from what I can imagine she has a good rivalry with Kanako as the two are often scheming together and live at the same shrine. Suwako also has a rivalry with Cirno, who has a habit of freezing frogs so the two seem to butt heads sometimes (though I'm not sure if that's official or not). Other than that I'm not too sure.
Grade: B-

===Age===
It's unknown how old Suwako actually is. From what people say she looks like a ten-year-old, but I'm not good at telling ages from looks. That doesn't mean I don't consider Suwako a loli, she most certainly is if going just by looks. Fortunately she's actually an ancient lolihag, which means that she does well here. She's a goddess after all, and thus is a lot older than she looks (and I mean that in the best sort of way). She is also a very great ancestor to Sanae, meaning really far back in the family tree. Overall lolihags are great.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 66
Average score: 7.3
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for the week. What do you think, Suwako?

*Topaz turns to Suwako, who is pouting with her cheeks puffed out.*

Wow, it seems that my blog has turned you into a bullfrog. But don't worry as you're still cute.

: I'm not croaking, I'm angry! How dare you give me such a low score!

I do suppose it's a little on the low side, but there's nothing wrong with that! Besides, the high 60s is still pretty good!

: This is all because I'm a flat loli, isn't it?

I'm not sure where you got that idea. While being small did affect your score, it's mainly your somewhat plain hair and reluctance to show off your body more. You also need more clothing variety, that's something that took a lot off.

: But other game girls wear the same outfit or don't show their asses! It's not like my series is that fanservice-y either, so that's why I didn't show my ass! Why can you not just look at some nice fanart of me or something?

As good as fanart is I tend to not let that affect a score. I don't count non-canon things, unless it's to reference a meme or something. Sadly you don't seem to have a memetic body part or anything either...

: Grr... Your words are harsh. It seems I'll have to teach you a lesson with a Danmaku Festival...

Wait no! I can't use danmaku! If only Kimiko was here I'd have you fight her instead!

: What's the matter, can't fight your own battles?

Well, I mean I could but I'd rather not beat up a cute girl like you.

: You should have thought of that before you gave me that score. Now, PREPARE YOURSELF!

*Suwako enters a fighting pose, but a certain ice fairy interrupts.*

: YOU! You are Topaz, are you not?

Phew, thank goodness for random interruptions...

: Excuse me, what are you doing here?

: Perhaps you haven't heard of me, goddess. But I am Cirno, and I am the strongest!

: You're the one that's been going around freezing frogs, haven't you?

: HEY! Just because I'm the strongest and use ice abilities doesn't mean that I freeze frogs! What's a frog?

: They're the green things that go ribbit.

: Oh, yeah. I totally froze them. But that's not the point.

*Cirno points to Topaz.*

: YOOOUU!

Meee? What did I do?

: You know what you did! You graded me poorly many years ago!

I'm surprised that you've remembered that long ago.

: I always hold a grudge, and it's my turn to get my revenge!

In all honestly you probably don't deserve that bad of a score. I think that I was being overly critical as you weren't one of my favorite girls, and I felt like I was being rushed while working on it. I was rushed because I needed to have you be number “99” for the joke, rather than wanting to talk about you. For that I apologize. If it's any help, you would score much better these days. The appearance in a fighting game helps quite a bit, and one game not only letting you be the star but also give you tanned skin helps a little. Your hair also got longer, I think, or at least has more volume.

: Sounds like you've got a lot of praise form-NO! I refuse to accept it! You should have thought about this before my blog!

In fairness some of that didn't come out until after, which is really unfortunate. Plus again I didn't do research as much as I do these days.

: That all just sounds like an excuse! Get ready for a frozen doom!

*Cirno attempts to use an icy spell card, but Topaz is too close to be hit. Suwako also blocks her from attacking further, smacking the ice fairy.*

: What was that for?

: You think that you're the only one who wants to defeat Topaz? I was here first!

: But I have more reason to dislike him! He only gave me 45 points!

: Sheesh, that is rough.

IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME BACK THEN!

: That is no excuse!

: I agree, but you'll still have to get past me!

*The two lolis give each other an intimidating glare, growling cutely.*

: TAKE THIS!

: NOT SO FAST!

*The two girls continue their Spell Card battle. It doesn't last long, though both get their attacks through a few times. Still, as a goddess Suwako easily triumphs over the ice fairy. She starts floating away.*

: GRRR! I'll go and train now! I'm the strongest, and I'll prove it to you!

: Pant... She was stronger than I expected.

Of course. She is the strongest, at least in her mind. Though it does seem like she trained quite a bit. Now she can use “I” instead of “Eye” and her text is a normal color. Or perhaps the latter is just me being lazy... Anyway, you said something about defeating me?

: Oh, yeah... There's that, isn't it. Well, after hearing Cirno's low score and how you'd appreciate her more it got me thinking that, hopefully, in the future you'll be able to see me in a new light.

Indeed. Who knows how my tastes will change. Or maybe you'll star in your own game or something like she did. That said, how about we call it, Suwako?

: Fine by me. The Danmaku Festival I had with Cirno wore me out. Hopefully I don't have to fight again for a little bit.

*A tall woman seems to stand cross-armed behind Suwako. The loli goddess looks back and gets scared.*

: N-no... Of all the times...

: That's right! I'm here to take advantage of your weakness yet again!

Wait! Wouldn't you rather have me talk about you?

: Well, I get curious as you were doing Suwako's blog. Sure, if you think that you can handle the resident goddess of technology!

I'm sure that I can, as there's been a lot of powerful women I've talked about. And be sure to watch out for next week where we'll be talking about a certain goddess with a snake motif!
Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 22, 7:06 AM | 0 comments
November 15th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-twentieth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. It's that time of year again, and it looks like I'm facing down the anniversary girl. If you haven't been keeping track, I'm currently riding inside Quattro's airship as she's finally made her appearance. Right now she's activated Vivio's adult form, and it looks like she's going to defeat me. Or at least attempt to.

: Acting a little high and mighty already? Don't forget to mention how I've gained all your abilities, and you're now powerless to stop my reign of terror! MWAH HAH HAH!

I may not have any of my abilities, nor the ability to summon, but that doesn't mean that I can't stand up to your attacks! I made it all the way deep into the airship to where Vivio was!

: Only because I let you do so. This way I can prove my control over Vivio!

: S-stop... Please... ARRGH!

*Quattro continues to use her magic to dominate Vivio, who eventually falls under the meganekko mage's control.*

: There we go, my little pet. Now, are you going to do as I say?

: Y-yes, Mistress...

Come on, Vivio! You're better than to fall under Quattro's control! Break out of it!

: No! I must destroy you, as you no longer need to write. Your blogs are terrible, and you deserve more free time rather than working on such nonsense! Get a real job!

Who do you think you are, my parents? Not that they now about my blogs, but still.

: HAH! It looks like Vivio is ready to face you. Go now, and knock Topaz out so that he'll never do a blog again!

: Affirmative.

*Vivio then rushes at Topaz, throwing various punches and kicks. He nimbly dodges, not getting hit at all.*

Phew. It's a good thing my base dexterity is so high.

: Be that as it may, do not think that will be enough. I know you well, Topaz. You can't last long with your horrible stamina and laziness!

You're right, so I'll just have to convince Vivio to stop!

*Topaz continues to dodge Vivio's strikes.*

Vivio, please! Stop! You have to let me do my blog on you!

: But why would I do something dumb like that?

Aren't you curious how you compare to the others?

*Vivio continues to attack, with Topaz weaving through her blows trying not to hurt the ruined loli by attacking.*

: Why would I want to know something useless and subjective like that?

Don't you want to know how you compare to your mothers?

: Mommies...

*Vivio's eyes go from a cloudy appearance to their usual look, showing that the mind control is losing some of its power.*

: What? Vivio! Listen to me, as I'm the one who is on your side!

The one on her side shouldn't be forcing her to do anything, especially something that she doesn't want to do! So Vivio, what do you want to do?

*She puts her arms down, relaxing in front of Topaz.*

: I-I want to listen to what Topaz has to say.

That's great to hear!

: No! Stop that this instant, Vivio! He's going to make you weaker if he does your blog!

That may be the case, but that's not the reason I want to talk about you!

: I look forward to hearing what you have to say, Topaz. Especially since you did my mothers so long ago.

Indeed, though it's a shame that I did Fate in such a poor way back then. I should apologize to her. But that's for another time, as for this special occasion I will say...



*Quattro is looking to the side, growling and whispering to herself.*

: Grrr... It looks like Topaz has started the blog already. It seems that he's really taking initiative, which is a surprise. But how can I get him to stop? Wait, I have an idea...

*She smiles in a devious fashion, though the others don't notice.*

Did you say something, Quattro?

*Quattro smiles in a fake manner at Topaz.*

: Nothing at all, dear Topaz. Now, why don't you get to your lovely blog?

I'm glad that you're being reasonable, took long enough. Anyway, let's get this blog started!

: I can't wait to hear all the good things.

Well, you'll be hearing some kind of things. But you'll soon know what I mean.

==Head==
===Hair===
Vivio has pretty cool hair, and pretty hair in general. I like how her hair is a blondish-brown color, both because I like the shade (though I do like darker browns more) but also because it looks so much like a mix between Nanoha and Fate's hair colors. I would say that there are times where it looks more blonde, but as I've said numerous times I'm terrible at telling colors. Vivio's usual hairstyle is also very fitting to her innocent child side. She usually has slender twintails on the sides of her head, with the rest of her cascading nicely down her back. It looks nice and wavy, with her hair reaching about to her waist or so. Her twintails also have ribbons on them, for added cuteness. She also has two tufts of hair that rest on her shoulders, one on each side. Speaking of each side, her sidecurls are extremely slender and zigzagged (the main issue is that they're slim). Vivio has the left side of her bangs pulled back, showing off her forehead which I'm not a fan of. Her right side isn't bad, with longer bangs that go past her eye (at least in some pictures). Her adult form has similar bangs, but rather than twintails she takes after Nanoha and has a side tail which I'm not too fond of (even if it is long). Overall Vivio isn't anything too special here, even if I do like how they combined Fate and Nanoha's styles and colors for her.
Grade: B

===Eyes===
Vivio's are cool too, as she has heterochromia. That means that her eyes are different colors, with the right one being green and the left one being red. I'd make a Merry Christmas joke, but much like her hair Vivio has those colors to match Nanoha and Fate respectively. The art style also means that her eyes are fairly large and round, with big pupils though I don't mind that too much. Even the shininess isn't much of an issue with me either. I will say that having tarame eyes does hurt her, but I suppose that's expected when Vivio is younger. In her adult form her eyes do become tsurime, probably the best part of that transformation if I had to choose. Still, while Vivio's hetererochromia is cool it's not enough for her to do too well here.
Grade: B

===Face===
Vivio has a cute loli face and a more serious adult one, at least in those forms. Nanoha does have a very soft, pleasant art style which I really like. Vivio has a dot nose, or a line nose on occasion but not often, and I like the simple facial appearance. She has a lot of cute expressions, even if I can't think of any good ones, but in general this is one of her better areas. It's just that Seven Arcs isn't that good with making too different faces (not that A-1 is great either, but still).
Grade: A

: What's wrong with my face?

It's hard to say. I don't mind it too much, as the grade shows, but do know that the studios that created your series do have a reputation for having same-face syndrome. In fairness your original creators have that issue, but at least they don't pump out so many characters or series that the anime companies do.

: I see then. That kinda makes sense.

: Oh? That makes sense? He just called you ugly and unmemorable!

Wait, I didn't say that at-

: And now he'll make terrible excuses and try to get out of it. Go on, Topaz! Mock Vivio more!

: M-mock...?

I didn't say anything insulting. Well, so far at least.

: You hear that, Vivio? He's waiting until your guard is down to attack with his horrible sharp tongue!

It won't really be that bad. Even if ViViD is absolute garbage-

: SEE! He even called you GARBAGE!

I said her show was garbage-well, I won't apologize as that's certainly true. Poor Fate didn't deserve to be treated the way they did, what with all the poor mamocentric service that completely ruined her.

: HE EVEN SAID THAT YOUR FATE IS POOR AND INSULTED YOUR MOTHER!

Now you're just twisting your words to suit your arguments.

: Topaz... is... a... PROBLEM!

*Vivio then swings her arm and punches Topaz in the face. He goes flying, hitting the wall on the other side. He took 50 damage from the impact plus another 25 from hitting the wall. He shakes his head though, still conscious.*

Hey, you just hit me in a vulnerable spot! Meaning my everything.

*Topaz gets up, his jaw cracking as he moves it around.*

Hopefully you didn't break a tooth, though at least now I have insurance.

: Good, because for insulting my mother and me you'll be receiving a good pounding!

*Topaz narrowly avoids another attack from Vivio, this one being a kick. He rolls away.*

You're overplaying the words that I've said! Please, I'm just doing an analysis! I can't do that when I'm under attack like his!

: Oh, don't I know it... MWAH HA HA!

QUATTRO! So this was why you ignited Vivio's hatred of me! You want me to stop the blog early, don't you!

: I'm only doing what your fans likely want. They're bored of the same old silly battles, so obviously you should end with a defeat with one of your worst blog aspects!

My battles are interesting and fun! Though maybe just to me, because they play out better in my head and I'm bad at writing.

: You certainly are, but you won't have to worry about it for long. VIVIO! Take care of him!

: GAAAOOOO!

*Vivio reels back her fist for a heavy punch, but Topaz narrowly avoids it. The power of her attack is so great that she punches a hole in the machinery of the wall.*

: HEY! The airship is not a toy! Stop punching it!

: It wasn't my fault he moved! Ergh... Arg....

*Vivio tries to pull her arm out of the wall, but seems to be stuck.

: Uh, I have some bad news...

Well, so do I. While you're stuck there I'll take this opportunity to continue the blog!

: Truly the worst news possible.

You may be saying that as someone who dislikes the blog, but belive me as the next areas will be quite... painful.

==Body==
===Build===
After having mostly praise for Vivio we reach the point where she starts having a lot of trouble. Don't worry as there's a few good things, but not here. In fairness Vivio in her normal form doesn't look too bad. In StrikerS she's too young for my tastes, and while ViViD is a little better due to her being older it comes with it's own issues. Basically Vivio has a pretty nice loli figure, but she's not the type I'd be into. Nothing wrong with that, and it's good that she gets the fanservice in that form that she can. This includes a few official images of her showing off her ass, which is always a plus.
That said, Vivio has a lot of issues here still. As mentioned earlier she has an adult form, which is a lot taller than her usual form. She uses it to fight in, which makes sense in StrikerS where she has to face off against Nanoha, but less so in ViViD and onward. It started with Vivio, then Einhart in ViViD, and before you know it the series was pumped full of lolis that for one reason or another had adult forms. It really sucks what happened as that just takes away all of the appeal of having a magical girl series, or at least having the stars being lolis (it's different if the magical girls are adults already, is what I mean). It's just that the appeal of the loli is ruined when they grow up, so Vivio isn't as appealing even if she is more suited to my tastes. And let's not get started on what happens to Fate either. ViViD completely ruined her, but what else should we expect from A-1 pictures I suppose. Anyway, the issue if you don't know is that Fate is usually an ass girl, since she has a miracle of the universe ass. However, ViViD forced her to have mamocentric fanservice on at least two horrible situations. It was awful and everyone who is responsible for that should have an eternal punishment of the most painful kind. Overall Vivio isn't bad, but between the trolling adult form and ViViD trolling Fate so much she can't do too well here (even if the latter issue shouldn't involve Vivio, I still include it as it was her series that caused such pain and misery).
Grade: C+

===Chest===
Like before, Vivio's main issue is her adult form here. Her loli form is slender and fitting to her form, which makes sense as she hasn't gone through puberty yet. The adult form is very busty, which is pretty much the main adult form in the franchise which is pretty unfortunate. Vivio also gets a lot of busty official art in this form, not surprising I suppose but it is still really unfortunate that even official images would ruin her to this point. It's as if they're trying to poison loli fans with her trolling adult form. And that's even without mentioning the aforementioned trolling that happens to poor innocent Fate as well, as mentioned earlier. She really should just have ass service, and if chest service is necessary (news flash studios: IT ISN'T) then have someone more suited for that role like Signum or Teana or someone instead!
Grade: D+

===Clothes===
This is probably Vivio's best area, as she has quite the variety (especially as far as official art goes). Vivio's usual outfit tends to be her school uniform which consists of a white shirt with a yellow vest over it, a red bow tie, and a brown skirt. It is honestly pretty plain, but the bow tie is cute. She also wears a lot of cute casual outfits as well. In her adult form Vivio wears her barrier jacket, which consists of a dark-colored bodysuit and a short jacket, as well as boots and gloves. It looks pretty good, overinflated body aside. Vivio also wears Fate's barrier jacket in one official image, showing off her ass like her mother should. But getting to official art we open the door for a lot of outfits. This includes a variety of different bikinis, a pink yukata, a nurse uniform, a gym uniform with blue buruma, a maid, a bunny-eared bikini, a pink sweater, a work-out uniform, various fancy dresses including a pretty wedding dress, a miko, and a naked apron though sadly she's not showing her ass so it's a bit of a failure. Still, Vivio's sheer number of outfits really helps her out a lot.
Grade: A

: GWWAAAHHH!

*Vivio then pulls her arm free, breaking chunks out of the wall as she does so.*

: HEY! What did I say about breaking the ship?

It looks like my words have filled Vivio with such fury that she got stronger! That's fitting, as thinking of ViViD and how it took a big mamocentric dump on the franchise makes me angry as well.

: … How does one make a “mamocentric dump”?

That's not important.

: That's right! What's important is crushing Topaz for all the words he said about my series!

Just because you star in it doesn't make it “your series”. Besides, you aren't the one that's causing all the issues. Well, in fairness your busty adult form is really awful but that's not what made ViViD so terrible. That was just a carry-over from StrikerS, and you're not the one at fault for stuffing the series full of adult lolis and not in the good way meaning flat adults or lolihags. Well, not DIRECTLY, but the fact that they got away with it with you probably encouraged them to stick more and more until the whole cast had terrible fake bodies.ViViD is terrible for ruining Fate and for not even finishing the story arc. At least it doesn't have manass or haircuts, that I remember, but it was still a complete failure of a show!

: THEM'S FIGHTING WORDS!

*Vivio swings more at Topaz, and while he ducks her punches he gets kicked in the chin from below. He takes 25 damage from that.*

Why always the face?!

: Because it looks worth punching?

Nonsense, my face only deserves care and pampering from older sisters! Not being punched by lolis who ruined their bodies with magic!

: You deserved that much and far more! Luckily I shall give you your just desserts!

Ooo! Desserts! Wait, you don't mean the actual foodstuffs, do you? Darn.

: NO! And take THIS!

*Vivio tries to attack Topaz more, but misses.*

: Why aren't my strike arts working?!

I suppose that I have high luck, or maybe ruining your body for the extra range yet not being used to your body is a huge flaw that shouldn't be relied on. Maybe you'd be able to attack better in your other form.

: You're just trying to make me weaker!

Nonsense! I'm trying to make you cuter, and have a body fitting your mind! So stop being an adult!

: NEVER!

Then at least stop punching me for now, as I have a blog to finish!

: Don't listen to him, Vivio! He's trying to distract you!

Sorta, but if she defeats me now she'll never see the ending of her blog! It will haunt her for all her days, and she'll never be able to resolve it!

: W-wha...

: Don't fall for his trap, Vivio! He's just trying to convince you to stop fighting him!

And what is wrong with that?

: H-he's right! I want to see how well I do compared to my Mommies!

That's the spirit! Let's continue further now, and finish up this anniversary blog!

==Mind==
===Personality===
Vivio has quite a sad past, sort of. She was artificially created by the villain of StrikerS but escapes. She's found and eventually becomes the daughter of Nanoha and Fate. Vivio is also the last in line of an ancient race, specifically she is a Heiliger Kaisers of Ancient Belka. That means that she's a lot stronger than most modern mages, but the way the series uses it is that she's able to battle better between Nanoha and others despite being young. Still, like a lot of Nanoha's foes, she gets defeated and that means friendship (or in Vivio's case, daughter). She's a lot more innocent and shy in StrikerS, though that's to be understood considering she's younger. She's more like her two mothers as time goes on (specifically Nanoha), being energetic and mostly kind but also strong at combat and having a strong sense of justice. She also learns strike arts, meaning enhanced martial arts pretty much, in ViViD but the less we talk about that the better. Anyway, Vivio is very powerful but also inexperienced which I'd say describes her fairly well. She's innocent but that makes her cute as it fits her appearance and age (well, as a loli at least). She also likes making friends, and her device has a rabbit motif. Vivio is voiced by Kaori Mizuhashi, and while not as famous as say Nana Mizuki or Yukari Tamura (Fate and Nanoha respectively) she still does a great job with Vivio's cute voice. Kaori also has a lot of roles, including Mami from Madoka, Michiru from Grisaia, and Miyako from Hidamari Sketch (not to mention other roles that don't start with an “M” xD). Overall, Vivio is a cute girl but somewhat boring. A lot of her time in StrikerS was spent kidnapped, and ViViD or Vivid Strike aren't really great series themselves. Vivid Strike is so awful that it doesn't even have “Nanoha” in its name, not that she'd want her name associated with that terrible official fanfiction. But still, Vivio is pretty good here. She doesn't really stand out too much, but she's not too terrible either.
Grade: B

===Libido===
Vivio does pretty alright here. There's not too much shown, but the series has a lot of yuri undertones that tend to come out. She's probably closest with Einhart, who is her biggest rival and main opponent. They do a lot of things together, especially training, and if I know magical girl shows it seems that yuri rivals are the strongest relationship. Just look at Vivio's two mommies, after all xD. Though I do suppose I might be reading too much into it, but otherwise Vivio is too young for this sort of thing.
Grade: B-

===Age===
This is Vivio's worst area. Not just because she's really young, as it seems that she's only six in Strikers while she's ten in ViViD. She seems to be eleven in Vivid Strike, but let's not mention what seems to be a self-insertion fanfic official work. Especially because it's where all the young girls start getting adult forms and thus ruining their bodies. I don't even get WHY all the girl had to have adult forms, or why they are allowed to use them. It's a tournament for younger girls, why are you even allowing a way to suddenly become older and thus take away one of the main rules of the tournament! And it's like the judges don't even point out how ridiculous it is to have adults fighting in a tournament for teenagers; If you're going to allow that then why not have adults fight? Or at least ban the adult forms as they seem like an unfair advantage to the ones that DON'T feel like ruining their bodies through magic! It's all horrible, like ViViD in general I suppose. But yeah, the fact that Vivio has an adult form is the reason for there being this much of a problem here.
Grade: D

Total Grades: 64
Average score: 7.1
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for the week.

: I see. Allow me to have a counterpoint.

*Vivio shamelessly punches Topaz in the face, causing him to take 25 damage. He steps backwards, holding his face.*

Why is it always the face?!

: Consider it punishment for scoring me so poorly! Why do you have it out for ViViD so much?

You mean besides it being the start of the series going off-course with the adult forms for lolis, the series pushing Nanoha and other classic characters to the side, ruining Fate by making her so mamocentric, and probably so much else? And that's not even counting the fan fiction Vivid Strike either!

: You don't need to listen to him any more, Vivio! He's finished the blog, so you can blast him freely. And you SHOULD, as he's a horrible person!

: She's right! You've proven to me with how much you dislike me that you're not a good person!

I'm still relatively “good”...

: Yeah right! We'll see how good you are when you take THIS!

*Vivio goes to punch Topaz, but he goes under her arm. He then gets close to her body.*

: W-wha?

THIS IS FOR RUINING FATE!

*Topaz jabs Vivio in the chest, piercing upward with some sort of item. His hands are around it so you readers are not able to tell what object it is. Blood drips out, and a big blood stain appears in her outfit.*

: AHHHH!

: WHAT THE? What did you just do to her?

Something that should have happened a long time ago! She's just getting her punishment for what happened with Fate and ViViD! Though in fairness the creators of the anime deserve this if not much, much more.

: Y-YOU! AHHHH!

*Vivio starts wrapping her hands around Topaz's neck, trying to strangle him. He coughs from it, but eventually Vivio becomes nothing but particles.

: W-WHAT? Did Vivio just dissolve into nothingness?

That's right! I was able to unsummon her!

: You shouldn't have been able to do that! HOW?

You may have all my powers, but I also know all my weaknesses. And you see, I managed to get an item from a former enemy...

*Topaz shows off a dagger. Surprisingly even with stabbing Vivio with it it lacks any blood.*

: I don't see what you're trying to get at. What do you think that a simple dagger like that can do against my strong magic? AH HAH HAH! I don't need Vivio any more, as it seems your Mimicry is keeping the airship afloat! Your plan to eliminate her and destroy it has failed. Not only that, but if I defeat you now I'll continue to have this amount of power for all eternity! WA HAH HAH!

Then let's see how you deal with THIS!

*Topaz attempts to surprise Quattro with a lunge, but she avoids it.*

: Still trying to POKE me with that? I don't see what the big deal is, though I've already proved that all your other tactics are useless. What's the matter, Topaz? Got no other ideas other than flailing around? HA!

You still don't recognize this, do you?

: I don't get what you're getting at.

This dagger is special.

: No doubt, as I saw what happened with Vivio. What, is it enhanced and deals extra damage to girls or something?

What's the matter, Quattro? You don't recognize it?

: I still don't get what your-w-wait... That's...

That's right-THE SUMMON BREAKER! One strike by this and I can not only destroy your summons, seal your summoning ability, and even seal my other powers!

: W-WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

Let's just say that I met with a former villain. Though sadly as long as I carry it around I can't summon, nor can I have summons active. But I won't need that if I can defeat you here!

*He draws his right arm back, ready to strike Quattro.*

: Your movements are too easy to avoid, and you have so many tells!

*Topaz then charges at Quattro, but she avoids the swing to the right.*

: What did I just tell you? WHA HAH HAH! You never learn!

Believe me, I'm intelligent and can pick up tactics easily. And I often surprise my foes with what I have available...

*Topaz then tosses the dagger to his other hand and, using the momentum in the swing, slashes at Quattro. This time, her mid-section is cut with a wound. She touches it and looks at the blood in awe.*

: B-blood? But I was supposed to be invincible!

You know that line never actually works, right?

*She then squeezes her fist in anger.*

: No, it just means that my magical item isn't activated!

*Quattro then activates her bracelet.*

: It looks like you aren't the only one that has a magic item under their belt, not literally of course.

W-what is that?

: Fair as you weren't there during Shamal's battle. But this is the TrueNameCaller! Or at least a proxy of it. It'll prevent any type of damage to me, so do your worst!

I'll try just that!

*Topaz attempts to stab Quattro, but his attack bounces off.*

: SEE? Now what will you do, Topaz?

Sounds like a powerful defensive item... Only one thing left to do-BRAVELY SIR TOPAZ RUNS AWAY!

*Topaz flees from Quattro, but she blasts him from behind. He's able to avoid most of the explosion, but he's blasted out of the room. He also takes 40 damage.*

Oh yeah. She still has magic... Better get away quickly!

: Run all you want, Topaz. There's no way you're leaving this ship alive!

*Topaz runs through the halls with Quattro following him intimidatingly.*



*Eventually Topaz reaches where he defeated the robots from before. They're now standing, blocking his progress.*

Curses! I should have cleared an escape route!

: That's what happens when you try to speed run these things. And now you can't slip them up!

Luckily paizuri lotion keeps its slickness after a while. Presumably a clean-up thing or something. But time to test its effectiveness!

*Topaz dives under the robots feet. They try to grab him, but the slick floor lets him slide under them and he arrives on the other side.*

Phew, that was close...

: Oh? Do you think that my robots will only stand around? GO AFTER HIM!

You know what's funny about paizuri lotion?

: I don't need to listen to your facts about some dumb oil!

It's very slick, but it's also very FLAMMABLE!

*Topaz stabs some nearby machinery with the dagger, causing it to explode. He fortunately makes it out of the explosion, only to see Quattro following him still.*

Looks like that magic item is really giving you your money's worth...

: Yes. Especially as I'll use it to finally destroy you for GOOD!

*She throws magical lasers at Topaz, but he avoids them and makes it to the roof of the airship.*

Well, I've gotten this far.

: And I congratulate you for that. But it seems like you're out of ways to stop me. You even lost your dagger when you attacked the machinery!

You may be right, but I won't give up that easily!

*Topaz charges at Quattro, trying to avoid her magic. However, with a simple wave of her hand she blows him away with a powerful blast. He takes 60 damage and is blown off the ship.*

: Finally. Now I'll be done with you for good! Have a nice trip, it's Autumn.

That's not the joke, and you haven't seen the last of me!

*Topaz skips on the air, the move that he learned from Miyu earlier. Fortunately there was just enough steps that he reaches for the railing of the ship.*

Almost....

: Nope.

*Quattro then snaps her fingers and a wind is blown, pushing Topaz further from the ship. He falls to the clouds below, and she turns around.*

: MWAH HA! Now that Topaz has fallen to his death there's no one that can stop me now! And I suppose that I don't need these any longer either...

*Quattro takes off her glasses and drops them, even stepping on them to break them. However, she hears a familiar sound, and someone lands on the ship.*

: Ah yes. I'm surprised to see you back here, Dark Grasper. Luckily I had my ship not fire on you, but I don't have any use for you. Besides, I'm not going to give you that glasses world you wanted.

*Quattro then turns around and is surprised.*

: Y-you...

Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 15, 7:15 AM | 0 comments
November 8th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-ninteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We join Topaz where we left off last week, with him being carried by Yuzuru and Kaguya. In front of them is a big mecha, driven by a certain meganekko.*

Welcome back, readers. We're still here, as the narration said. Last week Ririchiyo successfully defended me against Dark Grasper, but now I've been confronted by another glasses-loving meganekko.

: That's right! You may have defeated my ally, but I shall not be as easy to get past!

: What are we going to do, Topaz?

I'm not certain, as I can't summon in my current condition.

: Perplexed. Why is that?

Let's just say that I have plans for later. But how are we going to defeat Haruna like this?

: That's right! Unless we shock Topaz we may not be able to use our powers!

I've noticed. Your shot against Dark Grasper caused me to take like 15 damage.

: Apology. We are sorry, so please forgive us.

Of course. But the bigger issue is Haruna. How are we going to beat her.

: Realization: Maybe with more time we'll be able to think of something.

: That's right! Why don't you do one of your blog thingies with her?

That's a great idea, you two!

*Topaz cups his mouth to shout at Haruna.*

HEY, HARUNA! YOU CAN HEAR ME, RIGHT?

: You don't need to shout, Topaz. I can hear you just fine.

That's good to hear then. I wanted you to know that I'll be doing your blog today. I mean, as a villain I don't need permission, but I still appreciate you chiming in.

: A blog...hmmm...

*Haruna adjusts her glasses, then brushes her hair aside in a epic fashion.*

: You mean that millions of people will be able to hear my praises, as well as be seduced by the allure of glasses?

: I think that you are overestimating Topaz's audience...

: Defense: Do not mock Topaz's audience. As small as it is I am quite sure they will enjoy this blog!

That's right, my fans are quite dedicated! And let's not keep them waiting, as I'm sure they're looking forward to me saying that...



: Oh ho ho! I must say, that finishing me up will make for a fitting ending for your blog. Truly you shall end with a girl who loves glasses as much as you!

This is no terrible harem anime, though it will certainly keep on going as long as I have ideas! What I mean is that it's not ending, especially not this close to the anniversary special!

==Head==
===Hair===
Haruna has a pretty nice hairstyle. It is to her shoulders, so I would say that it could be longer. Still, it's a cute style, with her sides being a little bit longer but still not too far past her shoulders. I do like the nice curve around her head as it looks cute. Haruna's bangs are somewhat long, with a big middle bang as is fairly common. She does have a few not-as-long bangs as well, one on each side over her eyes. A pretty good style, even if a little bland. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but still. It does help that her hair is a nice brown color, which I like. In addition, Haruna also wears a lot of hats, with one example being a Santa hat. Overall Haruna is a bit bland but her long sides and nice color do nicely here.
Grade: B

===Eyes===
As expected Haruna does pretty well here. Her eyes are a brown or gold-like, maybe amber color, which don't look too bad. Sadly her eye color doesn't match her hair, but that doesn't hurt her too much The only issue is that Haruna's eyes are a tarame shape, but it does fit with her character (I would prefer tsurime of course, but still). However, more importantly is that she has a great glasses collection. Her usual pair are pink and have thick frames, but other pairs she has includes a bottomless frame that's also pink, a full-framed blue pair, and a spy-like visor for one of her cards. It is also said that she has a big collection, which helps some. I should mention that her glasses are her weakness, as she gets hit in the face at the beach in the Gekijou series which is unfortunate. Still, overall Haruna does really well with all her glasses appeal.
Grade: A-

===Face===
Haruna is quite cute, but not too overly impressive either. She has the basic Idolmaster look, and with all the characters I've done from the series you can probably expect that she does well. This means that I like her dot-like nose and small features due to the nice art style. Haruna might have a thin face, but I can't be too sure as it's hard to tell. She does have a little bit of a pointed chin, but it's possible that's only due to her sides curving inward making her chin seem narrower. That said, I don't know much to say here (though it is good that she wears glasses, as otherwise her face would be really plain. Even her description seems to call her ordinary-looking).
Grade: B-

: GRRAAAHHH!

: Panic: LOOK OUT!

*Yuzuru and Kaguya take evasive actions as Haruna's mecha swings at them. They nearly drop Topaz, holding onto his leg as he's upside down.*

Phew! A bit later and I'd be plummeting!

: Yeah! What gives, Haruna?

: Is it not obvious? For being such a lover of glasses I thought that Topaz would give me a perfect score. Obviously no other woman has the glasses qualities I do!

Well, you could match your glasses a little better with your hair. Plus as I mentioned I prefer tsurime to what you have.

: Who cares about eyes, as glasses are all that matter! In fact, I should punish your allies for not being meganekkos!

: Regret: If only we had glasses...

: FOOL! Topaz doesn't count non-canon things like this, BAKA!

Being fair this is completely separate. And if you would like, can you please put me right side up? All my blood is pouring into my brain...

*The two girls flip Topaz over, fixing his positioning.*

: Sorrow: We apologize for not noticing.

: Well, as sorry as Yuzuru is I'm even MORE sorry!

It's not a contest...

: Correction:

: & : YES IT IS!

: HA AH HAH! Fight among yourselves all you like, Gemini! It shall only make my victory that much easier!

*Haruna's mecha then opens up the chest region, revealing a pair of huge lasers. They of course have glasses on them.*

Now's not the time to fight, Plusle and Minun! We've got to evade that, or we'll be World of Light'd!

: Confusion: I do not understand your references.

: Is that one of those videyo gaemes I've heard so much about?

*Topaz sighs* I wish Ririchiyo was here...

: Do not worry, as you shall meet her soon! Once I fire my chest lasers it shall be all over!

*Haruna starts charging her lasers, with Topaz and the others cower with fear. However, another mecha slams into Haruna's. In fact, it uses it's quite large ass to smash into the mecha's charging lasers, shattering the cannons.*

W-WHAT'S GOING ON?!

*A familiar voice is heard.*

???: I though that I'd help out this way, Topaz. Seeing that you can't do anything properly.

W-wait, is that... RIKA?

: That it is, Topaz.

: Confused: Who is this “Rika” you speak of?

She's the pilot of the mecha that saved us! Though I wonder where she got it.

: It's Hiroko's! I borrowed it from her.

That explains why the ass is so big-Wait, is that the Hiroko-Z?

: That it is, so I have to be careful with it.

*Haruna comes back, threatening the new threat. Sparks fly out of her mecha's chest.*

: To think that you'd use your ass to bash against my mecha...

: Boob missiles and lasers might be classic mecha tropes, but with this mecha I'll reign supreme! I'll show you that my mecha's ass is stronger than your whole machine!

: Let's see if you can live up to your words. ACTIVATE BURST GLASSES MODE!

*Haruna's mecha gets several more layers of glasses over her eyes, reinforcing her glasses.*

: I believe that you'll be surprised... TR-ARSE-AM ACTIVATE!

*The Hiroko-Z glows red and energy flows off it. It also gets a bigger ass. The two mechas then charge at one another, grabbing their opponent's hands as they push against the other.*

Looks like the battle is a little evenly matched for now. Perhaps I should get going with the blog...

==Body==
===Build===
Haruna's measurements are pretty good, with a height of 156 cm and her three sizes being 79-56-80. Her hips are slightly bigger, but it's hard to tell if her ass is big because she doesn't show it too much. She's the type that doesn't seem to get too much fanservice or even fanart, which is sorta unfortunate. It's moreso that she's average, not being too noteworthy in either bust nor hips, and the former I'm including lolis or other idols with flat chests (though that's probably more the next area). Fortunate she does have a card where she shows a little bit of her ass, even if the text is on top of it a little. I think I've seen the full image and it's cute how her ass is all sandy. Still, I do want to see Haruna get more fanservice. Other than that, there isn't too much to talk about. I do suppose that Haruna has a nice waist, including her navel, but overall Haruna doesn't really show off too much.
Grade: B

===Chest===
As with the previous area, Haruna doesn't get too much focus on her chest. It is slightly smaller than her hips (at 79 cm, as mentioned earlier), but she's also not too flat either. She looks to be about average, having a little bit of roundness to her. Overall Haruna isn't too mamocentric, which is good, but she also doesn't get a lot of moments to show off. And no, I'd rather not remember that she was in the Atsumi Gekijou episode as one of the “mountains” she wanted to “climb”.
Grade: B

===Clothes===
Fortunately Haruna does extremely well here. She has a really great variety of clothing. While she usually wears casual clothes they do look cute, including cat shirts as she likes cats. She also has a nice idol dress, and blue is her image color which is a pretty color. She also wears a frilly bikini at the beach, at least in the Gekijou series. Some other outfits include a blue military-like uniform, a miko, a yukata, a Santa dress, a school uniform with yellow vest and red necktie, another different school uniform with purple necktie, a fancy German dress (which she'd rather spill on than her glasses), a sailor uniform, a nice suit of armor with skirt, a devilish-looking revealing outfit (though we aren't able to see too much), and a lion tamer's outfit with nice hat. There's probably others that I've missed, but the point is that the cards really help. The number of outfits Haruna has worn is quite nice, which helps her quite a bit here.
Grade: A

*Topaz continues the blog, with Haruna and Rika still fighting.*

Wow, I'm surprised that both have lasted this long. They must be really evenly matched, even with their power-ups.

: Suggestion: Perhaps while Haruna is distracted we can make our way up to the airship?

: That would be unfair to Ririka or whoever! Besides, I think that Topaz wants Haruna to hear about her blog.

That's right!

: Maybe if she'd stop fighting she'd be able to concentrate more on your words!

: Certainly not! I know about Topaz's ability to power me down, but luckily that doesn't seem to apply to the mecha!

So that's why the girls lately have had silly contraptions. Or maybe I'm excusing my bad planning.

: Insinuating: Nonsense, as you don't plan at all...

Fair fair. But that doesn't mean that my stories aren't interesting!

: Right! Wait, I think I got lost in that maze of negatives...

*Rika and Haruna continue their battle, shooting lasers from their shoulders and throwing punches. Rika has the upper hand as she blocks Haruna's fists with her palms much like a sumo wrestler then swings back, hitting her opponent's head with her mecha's gigantic ass.*

: WHOA! Nearly lost my balance there, as it seems that my huge ass is a bigger ballast than I expected! Not that I'd get rid of in, of course, as big asses are obviously superior!

: Then I shall kick you in your “superior” POSTERIOR!

*Haruna flies up and comes back down for a kick, her foot outstretched like a famous attack that the narrator can't quite recall. Not that it matters, as Rika activates Hiroko-Z's powerful “shield”.*

BBBBBBFFFFRRRRAAAUUUURRRTTTT

*And by that I mean that she has the mecha let out a huge fart, making Haruna stop in mid-air and start coughing.*

: BLECH! Gag! That's DISGUSTING!

At least we were not downwind of that.

: Thank goodness!

: Have enough, Haruna? Is your Glassy Robot going to be countered by my ASSY one?

: I haven't even began to fight! OH HO HO!

*Haruna has her mecha adjust her glasses, but some of the reinforcements come off. This leaves her with her basic glasses look.*

: LOOK! Your “super mode” is completely down! HA!

*Haruna starts shaking, then looks up with a GAR look.*

: To destroy my glasses reinforcements. They must have been weakened by your gas, not to mention your assy impact before... BUT DO NOT THINK THAT YOU HAVE WON!

*Haruna seems to break her limits, striking back at Rika and her mecha. She even warps around and punches her quite a few times.*

OH NO! WATCH OUT RIKA!

: Panic: Quick! Continue the blog so that Haruna may be weaker!

Great plan! Let's get going, and hope that it helps Rika out!

==Mind==
===Personality===
Haruna is quite a nice character, even if she's not too deep of one. She is the standard glasses idol of the series, trying to get more girls to wear glasses and thinking that either getting glasses damaged or replacing them with contacts is a fate worse than death. Surprisingly in her background, during her initial performance she didn't wear them. She was overly cautious, and after seeing that no other idol was wearing them she decided to go without them. Haruna then did poorly, as she was nervous (and likely had vision problems). The producer then had her put on glasses and, seeing how full of confidence Haruna was decided to make her into a “glasses-themed idol”. This gave her a lot of confidence, and she now actively tries to get away from the archetype of meganekkos being shy (not that there's anything wrong with that for me, but that's her thought process). Because of this she's very energetic and wants others to share in the glasses glory, even if she might get annoying sometimes. She also got a lot of confidence when she was younger when she got her first pair, and she shows off her collection of glasses as mentioned earlier. She even knows them by style and such! Haruna does fit me really well, with her love of glasses but the problem is that, after finding out about her backstory, I wonder how much of it is a false persona. It's possible that she's being overbearing with her glasses love and it's fake, even if that might be reading too much into it. Not that it's bad, she is an idol so a false persona is pretty cute, but not much is known about Haruna otherwise. She does enjoy being with cats, and her hobby is napping with one. She even gets caught trying to put glasses on a cat too! I wonder how much of that is the creators trying to make a “Megane Neko” pun, though. Voice-wise Haruna does pretty well, she's not overly spectacular but she has Mina Nagashima. It's pretty good, but I can't compare her to anyone as Haruna is the only role she's had (or at least that's the only listed role on MAL). Still, Haruna is a fairly nice character that loves glasses, so certainly I should like her (provided she doesn't have any other issues, but she seems mostly free of any). Oh, and I like how silly she was as a villain during the Kirara mecha episode, as she was very show off-y in an entertaining way.
Grade: B

===Libido===
Sadly Haruna doesn't really show much libido. Sure, she does seem to really like putting glasses on people, which sort of seems like a fetish but I don't know if she takes sexual pleasure from it or not. She does seem to want the Producer to notice her changed glasses in one of the web episodes (as well as her introduction in the game) which is cute. Still, Haruna doesn't have too much here and I'm not sure if she has any other idols she has a yuri relationship with. I'd rather not talk about the possibly worst Gekijou episode with the terrible Atsumi (that is such a terrible character trait yet people keep making more yuri fondlers :/). Haruna does have a stage card where she seems to be giving out a love letter but I'm not sure who is receiving it.
Grade: C+

===Age===
Haruna does quite well hear, as she's actually 18. I would have thought that she was younger, in her teens, but I suppose that's just going off her looks. Her birthday is April 10th, but I'm not sure if that's a significant glasses-based holiday or not. If it wasn't, it's unfortunate that they didn't give her a more appropriate birthday xD.
Grade: A

Total Grades: 77
Average score: 8.6
Final Grade: B+

And with that the blog is complete! Quick, how does Rika look!

: ASSY!

: Embarrassment: I apologize for my sister. But it does seem that Rika has regained control.

*Indeed as it seems that Haruna's rage has died down slightly, allowing Rika to continue to get the upper hand. Or at least upper ass, as she keeps slapping the Glassy Robot with it and ripping huge farts against it.*

: Huff... You appear to be more determined in your job of protecting Topaz than I expected.

: I'm not protecting him for his blog or anything, but as he's close to Oniisama I have to keep him around! Though you aren't so bad yourself.

: Oh ho ho *adjusts glasses* Such praise! Say, young girl. Have you thought about wearing glasses?

: Not everyone has to wear glasses. Different girls have different appeals, and if everyone was the same it would be boring!

: Nonsense! Glasses make everyone better! A world of glasses is truly perfection! And since you and the others are standing in my way, I'll have to destroy you!

: You're the one spouting nonsense! In fact, this hand of mine is glowing red!

Yuzuru, Kaguya. We might want to back up...

: Query: Is she about to fart again?

Just MOVE IT!

: Don't give us a vague instruction like that!

*Despite complaining the two still move, and just in time as the hand of Hiroko-Z is glowing in flames.*

: DO YOUR WORST! There's no way you're going to break through my perfect defense glasses!

: LET'S SEE HOW PERFECT THIS DEFENSE IS-EXPLOSIVE GOD FIIINNNGEEERRRR!

*With that the Hiroko-Z punches the Glassy Robot. At first it seems that the glasses will protect her, but with a little more power Rika blasts through the defensive eyewear. In fact, it seems that Rika herself goes through the armor of the Hiroko-Z and punches Haruna personally in the face.*

: FACE JUDGMENT!

: BARF!

*The Glassy Robot then falls to the ground, defeated. Topaz and the others cheer.*

GREAT JOB, RIKA! I knew that you could do it!

: Pride: I bet that we could have defeated it easier...

: True, but right now we're tasked with getting Topaz to the airship!

: Follow me then!

*Rika starts to go in that direction, but the clouds seem to split and the airship is right in front of them.*

No way! How could something this big be this quiet and sneak up on us?!

: In fairness you have terrible eyesight and confuse colors.

That shouldn't affect this though!

*The airship starts to charge its beam, but only Rika notices.*

: WATCH OUT!

*She blocks the laser, protecting Topaz and the others. Sadly the Hiroko-Z gets blasted pretty badly.*

RIKA! You didn't have to do that!

: Heh, to think that I'd lose out on my deposit... But Topaz, make it to the airship! I've gone as far as I can!

*The Hiroko-Z then falls out of the sky.*

NOOOO!

: Determination: Topaz, do not be concerned with your assistant's defeat. We need you to get to that airship-and FAST!

What are you planning?

: You should be honored, Topaz. Usually we don't team up, but today we shall make an exception.

W-WAIT!

*Yuzuru and Kaguya then get out their bow, but instead of an arrow they aim Topaz head-first towards the airship. He's shivering at their plan.*

A-are you sure that this will work?

: No!

THEN PLEASE COME UP WITH ANOTHER IDEA!

: Reluctance: We do not have time for such a thing.

: & : EL KANAPH TOPAZ!

*With that the Yamai twins fire Topaz towards the airship. Just in time as the two get blasted far away with the laser. Not that they're hit, but the wind current throws them very far away.*



*Topaz then hits the dock of the airship. He rolls across the ground, fortunately not taking damage. He picks himself, groaning.*

That was a rough landing.

???: Oh? What do we have here?

*A mysterious bespectacled woman looks towards Topaz. She approaches him, wearing a cloak to hide her identity. Still, he looks worried.*

You must be Specs, the one who has been bothering me for the past year!

Specs: Certainly, though it's more that I've been causing you and your blog misery even longer. I'm the one that sent girls like Inami, or Dokuro, or even Chinatsu! And that's not counting the times we've meet before...

That's right... Don't think I haven't recognized you. Between the airship and your glasses, not to mention your nickname...

Specs: You should have no knowledge about that nickname! Especially with your poor memory.

I have a memory where it counts... COMMANDER MAGI!

*Topaz points threateningly at the disguised meganekko, and all she does is laugh and adjust her glasses.*

Specs/Magi: You expect people to remember such an ancient name? It's been years since Ojou-sama, Brawler, and Yin-Yang... Even if the latter I've sent against you! OH HO HO!

Well then... I'll call you by your real name-

*Topaz points at the meganekko once again.*

Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 8, 7:26 AM | 0 comments
November 1st, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-eighteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Ririchiyo is standing at the edge of a cliff. She is looking onward at the flying airship coming closer to the city.*

: Topaz kept saying that this looked familiar, but I don't recognize it...

*Topaz then arrives, panting hard. He's wearing a backpack.*

Finally. So are you ready to attack the airship?

: Not at all! Do you really think that we'd be able to do ANYTHING to that?

It's not that we're actually going to attack the ship. What we're going to try to do is get aboard and sabotage it from inside.

: That plan's a little better, but I'm still confused.

I imagine that our readers are confused as well. But you should know the plot pretty well, if you've been keeping up with the blog.

: Pretend that I don't (I hope that Topaz knows that this is just for new readers. I do read his blogs, almost religiously. He's so sweet and-NO! Don't get flustered!)

Fair. Last week we finished up a battle with Lunar and Mero, but we were attacked by a huge airship likely flown by... her.

: Why are you being so mysterious, even with me?

To build suspense, and because I thought that I taught her a lesson long ago. Then again, the same could be said for Lunar. Or Esdeath. Or many other girls I've faced this year.

: It's been a year of terrible things happening, hasn't it...

But it was still a good adventure! And entertaining!

: Shush! We can't have too many meta jokes! So where were you, by the way?

I visited some girls, like Chinatsu.

: Well, I hope nothing perverse hap-wait what?

She had something I wanted.

: I was assuming that Chinatsu, of all girls, isn't someone you'd want like that...

No no, nothing perverse! And there were other girls too.

: *Sigh* Whatever. So how are we going to get to the ship?

Well, you're going to fly there.

: And carry you? (That sounds very cute) W-what am I? A taxi service?

It's alright, I have another way. At least once the girls get here.

: FINE! I didn't want to carry you anyway! I do enough carrying when it comes to the blog itself!

*Ririchiyo pouts though in a jealous fashion.*

: So when are these girls coming to pick you up?

They said that they'd be here by now, so they must be running late. I bet that they're trying to race each other.

: Race each other...? Oh well, just summon them or something!

Would you believe me if I said that I couldn't?

: Quit being lazy, Topaz. If we wait too long we're not going to be able to reach the airship!

Then can you go there and try to stall them a little?

: Yes. I'll just walk into the captain's chambers and ask nicely if they'd stop their world domination plot so that you can get whatever girls you're planning to use to walk here. What is this, a terrible realistic game?

If you could that would be great!

: Topaz that's sar-

*Ririchiyo is about to mock Topaz, but seeing him looking at her so cheerfully and innocent she doesn't want to break his heart. She lets out a sigh.*

: FINE! I'll do your stupid thing!

*She then goes into her demon form and starts flying up towards the airship. She passes through the clouds as the camera follows her.*

: Grumble grumble, Topaz is always so lazy and making me do work like this.

???: Then why follow him?

*Ririchiyo looks around and sees that no one is there.*

: W-who..

???: Don't try looking for me. You'd never be able to see me without some sort of eyewear. Consider it a failing of not wearing glasses, as that is the worst offense any girl can muster.

: W-wait, you're not Topaz, right?

???: Not at all. Why do you ask? And why aren't you putting on your glasses. Don't think I don't sense them in your pocket...

: W-wha? Stop looking at me like that, especially when I can't see you! Besides, blame MAL not having a picture of me in glasses and my demon form.

???: So you're like all the others, refusing to wear glasses in battle?

: Well, I only really need them for schoolwork. And to tease Topaz sometimes.

???: Blasphemy! I bet you THINK that you're so BETTER without glasses, don't you? Bet you wear disgusting contacts and everyone says how much BETTER you are without glasses. Such horrible shows should be PUNISHED!

*Riri feels a brush of wind past her head, narrowly avoiding an attack of some sort. Fortunately her hair isn't cut as that would be awful and this year has had enough of that. Riri also takes this opportunity to slip on her glasses, even if her picture doesn't show it. She's certainly surprised at her foe.*

: Y-you... Heh. And after you say that horrible shows should be punished too. I think that it's YOU who is going to be punished!

*Now that Ririchiyo is wearing her glasses the enemy is visible, to the audience as well.*

Posted by emperortopaz | Nov 1, 7:20 AM | 0 comments
October 25th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-seventeenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz is on a sub in the middle of the body of water. Beside him is a young girl with long white hair, and in the water are two pink-haired mermaid villains. Ririchiyo drops down beside Topaz.*

Welcome back!

: I didn't go far. Wait, you mean the viewers, don't you? (Darn, I've already ruined the blog!)

A little of both. And to summarize things this month has been a very busy one. We went on quite the adventure, didn't we Riri?

: That's right. We met up with Leviathan, who was trying to fix a statue. We then went to the cavern of Watery Depths and using your powers you managed to break the goddess that was inside out. Turns out that the goddess was Aqua, so you did a blog on her and we got on a boat. Once aboard we were separated, and Mero and Lunar used that to their advantage to try and kill you. However, instead of drowning you were able to summon Iona in the nick of time.

Perfect, thank you for that summary.

: Wait, you're the one who was supposed to summarize things! I feel so used!

*Topaz pats Ririchiyo.*

Don't worry, Riri. You're a great assistant for things like this.

*Iona starts prodding her head against Topaz.*

You want some affection too, Iona? Don't worry, as I have two hands!

*He starts patting the sub girl as well. Meanwhile the two mermaids yell up to him.*

: HEY NOW! Stop forgetting about us! We're here too!

: That is correct. In addition we didn't try to kill you. That was just an accident due to our faulty equipment.

: It was still a boring and dumb plan. Though I suppose that we shouldn't expect much from the fish-for-brains down there.

: HEY! Just because our initial plan didn't work doesn't mean that you've beaten us!

I don't know. Iona probably says otherwise...

: Affirmative.

*Iona then aims her ship's guns at Lunar and Mero, threatening the two.*

: O-oh my. It appears that he has the upper hand.

: Grrr, I'm too used to him bringing girls and not literal warships to battle! Fine then, get on with your little blog!

Sounds good to me. What do you think, Iona?

: I would like that quite a bit, Topaz.

Well then, let's set sail on our maiden voyage with-er, is that the expression when submarines are cast off for the first time? I'm not up on my nautical lingo.

: Being fair I doubt that your readers would know the difference either.

Fair enough, so let's set sail on our maiden voyage by saying...



Though I will have to mention that I've only seen the TV anime. I don't know exactly what happens in the movies or the manga.

: Oh? Did you not want to watch them?

It's more that I had thought that the movies were just re-tellings of the main series, and by the time that I noticed that they had original content it was far too late for me to watch them properly.

: Being fair you're terrible when it comes to movies. You probably could have been told that they were new when they were announced and either forgot by the time the movies came online, or you'd run out of time and never get around to watching them.

There's a lot of media I want to do. Movies, books, games. And not all of them anime-based either!

: That's enough wallowing in you not having enough time for everything. You've got a job to do!

That's right! Iona, you want to be blogged, don't you?

: Hooo!

*Iona puts her fist up with enthusiasm, showing that she wants Topaz to continue.*

Sounds like a good plan, so let's get going!

==Head==
===Hair===
Iona's hair is likely her best feature. While I do usually prefer dark colors, I really like white hair. Especially with the blue highlights like how Iona's hair is, though I suppose that her hair could just be a very light blue that I can't differ from white. Still, white works well with supernatural girls as well as kuuderes, which Iona fits (well, somewhat for the former but still). Her hair is long, which is always a good thing, though it does reach past her hips which may have caused her hair to cover her ass (at least as far as I remember that didn't happen, fortunately). Iona's sides are also really long, framing her face well. This is especially true with her blunt bangs, which almost give her a hime cut-like look. The hime is a little more straight in the manga, but both versions give her fairly blunt bangs which are great. Her hair is mostly straight too, which I really like with long haired girls as it looks sexy. Finally, Iona has some variety at least as far as official art goes, which includes a ponytail version. Overall I really like Iona's long beautiful hair and it's one of the reasons I like the cute sub so much.
Grade: A-

===Eyes===
Before we continue I should mention that the series is done in CG. This means that Iona (as well as the other characters) do look slightly off at times. Not in any dismissive ways, I don't hate the use of CG in anime like a lot of people who unfairly complain about it. I'm just warning that it will have an effect on the series. Anyway, the art style does make Iona's eyes look a little glassy and blank, though as a kuudere/emotionless girl that's not as bad as it could be. Or maybe it's just me that sees her eyes like that, but it still fits her character well. She does have tarame eyes which is a downside, and she has quite a few eyelashes on the outer edges of her eyes too. They're not as bad as they could be, giving Iona some well-needed emphasis towards the corners of her eyes. Finally, her eyes are a green color, and while not bad with her blue/white motif do know that Iona isn't the only green-eyed girl in the franchise (or at least close; Haruna may be the only one with actual green eyes but Takao and Kirishima, for all the time she's not a bear, have blue eyes). Still, she does pretty well even if glasses could help.
Grade: B-

===Face===
As mentioned prior, Iona's show is a pure-CG one, and also mentioned prior I'm not anti- that style like a lot of people seemed to be. Iona is still very pretty, with a lovely pale skin tone and pretty face. Her small features including her nose which is always good, though she may have a bigger one in the manga (I'm not sure as I haven't read it). Also do note that Iona is an emotionless girl, and occasionally she might skirt the line between being “cute” and “creepy”. The CG might have something to do with it, but overall I don't remember it being too much of an issue.
Grade: B-

: For all the enjoyment you had of the series, you sure sound like you're complaining a lot about the CG.

It's not complaining! Sure, it's not what I usually go for as it's very different from the softer looks, but I swear to you that I'm not trying to hate on the CG. It's a good, well-made series and the people who don't like it just for the art are likely full of themselves. I did enjoy the series, 3D animation and all, as it brought a very unique art style that's not seen a lot. Though I think that CG art like this is a lot more liked now that Kemono Friends became popular.

: I am glad that you like the art style.

Certainly, and while the official art doesn't match the style of the anime it does help seeing you in different styles like that.

: So in other words you don't mind any sort of CG in animation.

Right, as idol shows can be a lot more fluid when using CG. Just look at the production difference between something like Aikatsu and, say, Ongoku Girls during certain moments.

: That might just be the difference between Sunrise and JC Staff though. And I didn't mean dancing. I meant, you know... CARS!

*Topaz turns away, with Iona being curious.*

: You seem to be looking away, Topaz. Are you feeling alright? Your vitals seem normal, though your face is getting red.

N-no, it's just that if there's one thing that bothers me about CG, it's that they use it on cars far too much. It looks really off-putting at times, where the car doesn't fit the background due to the lighting effects or scenery details. Other times it looks like one solid hunk of plastic/metal rather than a vehicle. It's just something that takes me out of watching a show sometimes, though fortunately cars aren't shown too often so it's just really a small complaint.

: You do not like vehicles...?

Probably not-wait, why are you looking so down?

: Because I'm a sub and-

No no no! You're an example of an exception, Iona. You see, rather than having a car's CG animation look awkward in relation to the regular objects it passes the fact that your whole series is CG helps out quite a bit. It means that the vehicle doesn't stick out from the scenery. To mention Kemono it's like their jeep thingy looking good.

: So you do like my sub form?

Of course! It saved my life, after all!

: I think that she means in another way.

Oh. Well, I can't say that I'm attracted to your ship form, sadly. Though I wouldn't mind going into your hatch and taking a ride inside you.

: I hope that wasn't intended to be as perverse as it turned out to be.

: Perverse...?

: N-nevermind. Just continue on with the blog, Topaz!

*Riri blushes cutely.*

Look at you all flustered, but out of respect for Ririchiyo let's continue on with the blog. And speaking of Iona's body...



==Body==
===Build===
Iona is pretty cute, but I'd still say that she needs to show off more. She has a slender and cute teen body, one that works well. She also has nice legs, though I'd say that she needs to show them off more. Still, official art does help quite a bit there. Speaking of things that need to be shown off, Iona needed to show off her ARSE Nova more as I don't recall any good ass shots either. Not even official art helps much, though there is a picture of her in a bikini with nice side ass. Could be bigger, but she's a slender girl I suppose. She's also short, though most of the other ships seem to be adults in comparison. Oh, and we can't forget that Iona is a ship girl as well. She's based on the I-401 which is where her nickname comes from. A lot of the series is her and her crew fighting off opponents, which is cool but I can't count her sub form in this area too much.
Grade: B-

===Chest===
As mentioned before Iona is fairly slender. It's possible that she's slimmer in the manga, with an almost flat chest though she's not exactly busty in the anime either. She just has a slight bust, and nothing wrong with that as she's a short slender teen. Fairly simple, but not too much to say. It might have helped had we seen her bare chest or something, but even wearing tight outfits like her swimsuit in the manga help. Though speaking of outfits...
Grade: B-

===Clothes===
Iona is mainly known for having two separate outfits. The first one, and the one I know the most due to being the one used in the anime, is a schoolgirl-looking one. It's a dark blue sailor outfit, a red necktie, detatched sleeves, and a blue skirt. She also wears white boots. Overall it's not a bad outfit, I like the dark blue color and the necktie and this is one situation where a “sailor” uniform is appropriate xD. She also has a white shirt version as well. The movie seems to downgrade this to a lighter-blue/white more school-ish outfit, with a big pink ribbon. I do like her thighhighs though. In the manga her main outfit seems to be more novelty T-shirts that say something, shorts, and garters with thighhighs. She also wears an orange one-piece in the beach episode. Some other outfits include a blue idol outfit (while performing with other ships), a male cheerleader outfit with sarashi and spats, an orange bikini, a white wedding-like dress, a bear suit, and a Christmas two-piece with hat and skirt. Overall she has a good main outfit plus a lot of nice variety which fits her well.
Grade: B

Hey, what's going on there?

*Topaz points to the various boxes now bobbing in the water.*

: Where did all those come from? They look... familiar.

: My sensors are saying that they are coming from that ship.

*Iona points to the capsized ship.*

: Wait, where did Mero and Lunar go? They were here just a minute ago.

Maybe they couldn't stand being so much worse than Iona and swam off, never to be seen again.

: That's being overly optimistic, Topaz.

: WAIT!

*Suddenly Iona ducks, pulling Topaz and Ririchiyo with her. She also moves the sub just in time to avoid a big laser that strikes the water, sending it shooting upward.*

WHAT?!

: OH HO HO! It appears that we have the upper hand again!

*The heroes turn and look at the ship, which has been transformed into a humanoid mecha.*

: It seems that she turned the boat into a mecha! And not a standard one either!

Good to hear. The less we think about the Mermaid Gundam the better.

: Make your jokes now, Topaz! While I have the might of the Ice Sapphire you'll never be able to overpower me!

: Wait, was that the stone that Esdeath had with her? How did you get that?

: That doesn't matter! What matters now is that you'll finally get defeated by your villains. While the anchor idea was just a tease THIS was our last resort to get you to notice us!

It's certainly working, but that's no reason to kill me! Or the others!

: Do not worry. I shall go underwater and take evasive actions.

: OH HO HO! Don't tell me that you've forgotten my powers!

*Lunar then hits a switch, powering up the mecha with the might of the Sapphire. Soon the area around them freezes up, with Iona's sub form getting lifted out of the water by the cold ice.*

Darn it! Not only are we trapped now but I'm cold AND wet!

: Stop complaining about minor things, Topaz! We're about to be vaporized by a polar ray!

Sounds refreshing!

: Laugh while you still can, Topaz. There is no way that you'll be able to talk your way out of THIS one!

*Lunar starts powering up the laser, but just as she is about to fire it a large fist of water punches through the mid-section of the mecha. It shatters from the powerful gushing water, breaking in two with the upper half of the mecha goes flying. It falls onto the ground with a loud crash, and the girls inside are not injured as they climb out.*

: D-did anyone get the number for that bus that just ran through us?

: TOPAZ! How could you do something like that? I was watching you carefully, and you didn't summon any girls. And don't say you've been doing it since the beginning as you didn't know that we were going to attack you again!

That's right. But it wasn't me that did it...

: IT WAS ME!

*Mero and Lunar go over to face Leviathan, who is standing on a small wave outside where the ice ends. Though speaking of the ice, it starts to fragment and crack.*

: YOU?! What are you doing here, and why have you decided to attack now?

: I was watching Topaz leave on the boat, making sure that he had gotten away safely. I thought something was up when the ship capsized, so I started to travel over on the water. I just now got here from the shore, even moving at my fastest.

Thank you for being so concerned. But as you can see, I'm completely normal!

: Well, normal for YOU at least.

At least I'm not currently on fire. Though it would help against the cold.

: You dislike the cold so much, then let it be your death!

*Lunar grabs the Sapphire from the ship and starts running at Topaz. She creates a long lance out of ice using it, and leaps at Topaz.*

: I'll run you straight through!

Oh no! She's jumping and has a lance! That deals double damage!

*Fortunately as Lunar is in midair she is intercepted by a certain goddess. It all seems to go in slow motion, as Aqua's bare ass strikes Lunar in the face from the side, but with so much force she makes the mermaid fall into the water. Aqua is then holding Lunar underwater by her ass.*

: Heya Topaz! I hope that you liked my entrance!

Of course, more girls should have dynamic entries like that. And thank you for saving me from Lunar's spear.

: But of course-AH OOOH! Lunar's moans feel so great against my ass! I-I think that I might... AHHH!

PPPPVVVUUUURRRTT-BBBBWWBBBBLBLBL

*Aqua makes a great underwater fart right against Lunar's face, making her breathe the goddess's rank odors.*

: Poor girl.

And poor Zettai, as I imagine he'd love to be in Lunar's place. But keep her held like that, Aqua. I still need to finish the blog!

: Yes, and I am looking forward to it as well.

==Mind==
===Personality===
Iona is a very quiet and emotionless girl, which well with my tastes. She's also an enemy of humanity, being one of the fog ships that had almost destroyed the human military. Iona was eventually captured and, once they couldn't replicate her technology, she was sent out to battle her former allies. She's very dedicated to Gunzou, the male lead, in particular. She's very emotionless as well, though she still has a heart and dove to save Gunzou when he almost had a heroic sacrifice. Still, Iona seems to have a mechanical personality, not that there's anything wrong with that of course. I like the cute quiet type, after all. I've heard that she's a little bit snarky in the manga, which I'm not sure helps her or not. It would be funnier and perhaps more entertaining, but it would also mean that Iona wouldn't be as emotionless as she is in the anime. I do like how the manga version of her likes anime, though. Mai Fuchigami, who voices Iona, gives her a very nice emotionless voice. She makes her sound very cute. Other roles she's done include Nagisa from Assassination Classroom and Miho from Girls und Panzer. Overall, Iona does really well for me with her kuudere/emotionless side. It is a shame that some of the other ships get more attention and screentime sometimes, but that might just be my tastes.
Grade: B-

===Libido===
Iona really doesn't show too much libido. She is very dedicated to Gunzou, almost existing just to obey his orders. That's why Iona was the first ship on the human's side, as she wanted to be with the male lead. She's also the main female lead, at least from what I can tell (even if she's not as aggressive as the other girls, like Takao). Probably the only problem with that is that it she's the type that obeys orders rather than being in charge. I suppose that means that for my tastes she's a little too-

: Topaz, don't say that joke.

SUB-missive!

*Topaz has a huge grin and points with both hands towards Ririchiyo. She facepalms from the terrible joke.*

: That joke is bad and you should feel bad.

What are you talking about, I feel great! Anyway, there's a little big more to mention here. Although I'm not sure as I haven't read it, it seems that in the manga Ashigara and Haguro tease her in yuri ways. I can't say how true that is, and I don't think that the girls show up in the anime unfortunately (at least from the TV series). She does get hugged quite a bit from Hyuuga the monocle-nekko, though. Anyway, while Iona isn't as aggressive as I'd like I still think that she's a really cute girl and it's good to see a kuudere win once in a while.
Grade: B-

===Age===
I'm not sure how old Iona actually is. She's a ship girl, which means that her body doesn't indicate her actual age. I also can't compare her to her real-life counterpart, as the story within Blue Steel is a little strange and I don't know if it's modern day or in the past. Plus it's difficult to pinpoint how long she lived before going to the humans. That said, the only information we have is that she joined the humans about two years before the series goes. And if you go by Iona's body she looks about teenage, which I'd say gives her a good total. The manga also gives a little more detail on the years, as the time period is 2055-2056, and she was captured in 2039 (or so). She was then experimented on for about six years before being sent out and ultimately lost in sea. She then returns in 2054, where some of the events of the anime happen. Still, even with these years I can't be sure how old she is as she could have been alive for a long time before that.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 68
Average score: 7.6
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for this week! What do you think about that, Iona?

: I quite enjoyed it *nod*.

: I bet that Topaz could have done even better had he seen the movies.

Shhhh. But what should we do with these villains.

*Topaz looks over and sees Mero trapped in a large fist of water. It's gripped so tightly that she can't even move.*

: H-HELP US, TOPAZ!

: Do not help them! They do not deserve it, after all the trickery they caused us!

: Yeah! We'll only let you out if you admit your failings!

: Ugh, so gross... Blech... BUT FINE! I'm sorry about all this, Topaz! Specs was able to take advantage of my-BLBLL! My weakness! Please forgive us!

I can see that Lunar really is sorry about all this.

: I think that she's saying that just to avoid being under my fat ass for long.

: I don't blame her. You really should let her breathe some fresh air.

Right. Save the underwater fart-breathing for Zettai.

: Fiiiinne!

*Aqua moves, allowing Lunar to gasp for air. She then swims over to the ship and climbs aboard.*

: I do not approve of you coming here, if attacking Topaz is what you want.

: I'm tired of always being the bad guy. So take this, Topaz. You deserve it more than I do.

*Lunar then hands Sapphire to Topaz.*

Thank you for being so kind. And look, Riri! It goes with all my other ones!

: That's quite the collection you have there, Topaz.

: That is right, as there is only one other gemstone. Specs wields it, and used it to make all sorts of magical devices.

Looks like we'll have to go to the final boss's lair next time, Ririchiyo.

: Do we really need to? I mean, we have most of the gems, and you said that she wouldn't be able to progress without all of them.

But I don't want to be attacked at home for them. She'd probably crash through the kitchen as well!

*Topaz and the others laugh, even if most wouldn't get it. However, their good time is soon ruined from a huge thunderous roar from deep below the water's surface. The sub shakes and Topaz even falls down.*

WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?

: Something's coming up! Quick, everyone on board!

*Iona leads Topaz, Ririchiyo, as well as Aqua, Leviathan, and even Mero and Lunar into her submarine form. She then enters it as well and starts sailing away. Meanwhile, inside.*

Man, this place is cramped.

: Indeed, as I am guessing it was not meant for this many people.

: Well, at least we're not fleeing an exploding planet.

: AH! Someone just felt up my bare goddess ass! Not that I'm complaining...

: Pardon me, as it was not intentional!

: As long as you don't ruin the air with your disgusting smelly gases I don't care what you all do. Iona, just get us out of here!

: Topaz?

Yes, let's leave!

*The sub moves much faster, barely avoiding a large floating airship flying out of the water below.*

: Oh my. That appears to be a much bigger craft than even my family could afford.

: Indeed. The sheer size of that ship seems incredible!

: Quick, maybe it hasn't seen us! Let's book it!

*As they move away as fast as they can in the sub, they still aren't faster than the gigantic airship. In the commander's chair a mysterious voice is heard...*

???: Good good... But even with Topaz having the remainder of the gems, with the power of Hope I still was able to return power to my fortress. All the magic I poured into it to clean it, and my army of machines... Everything has gone swimmingly. And speaking of “swimming”, don't think I've forgotten about you, Lunar. You and the others were merely pawns to distract Topaz while I repaired this ship. I knew that he would get the other gems, and now I have no use for you. Good bye.

*The glasses-wearing commander then presses a button. A laser shoots out from the front of the ship, being so powerful that it cuts a line all the way down to the water's bottom. The sub is barely grazed, but it takes heavy damage and sinks below the waves.*

???: MWAHAHA! Was this all it took? I barely even had to dirty my hands! Shows the power level between myself and my minions.

R.Frame: So does this mean that you don't need us, Specs?

Specs: No no. You two can still go over the land like we intended. You were still somewhat helpful, so I shall allow you to have your wonderland.

L.Frame: Such a good commander you are, Specs! We shall protect your meganekko ways until the day we're defeated!

Specs: That fills me with pride, but I doubt that anything will ever stand a chance against me! MWAHAHA!

*With that Specs drives off in her airship, heading towards the city.*

Posted by emperortopaz | Oct 25, 7:18 AM | 0 comments
October 18th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-sixteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We rejoin Topaz who is still tied on the anchor. Around him are two pink-haired mermaids, even if one is in a more humanoid form.*

: OH HO HO! Go on, Topaz! Tell everyone how you've been spending the past week!

Oh, you know. HANGING around!

*Topaz looks very proud of that joke, but it just annoys Lunar and Mero.*

: That was a terrible joke.

It may have been a week for the viewers, but it hasn't been long in blog-time.

: Still, you should be embarrassed about coming up with a joke that weak.

Nonsense! My jokes are of the utmost quality! Or at least a quality matching the girl who I will be talking about that week...

*Topaz glances smugly at Mero.*

Anyway, welcome back everyone. I'm glad that you've returned for this blog. As you know from last week, Lunar and Mero were secretly disguised as meganekkos and trapped Ririchiyo and myself on this boat. Or at least I think so. What did happen to Riri?

: I have captured your assistant, so do not think that she shall be aiding you today.

*Meanwhile, in a room deep in the ship.*

: LET ME OUT, YOU OVERSIZED MINNOW! YOU BLOATED GUPPY! YOU REJECTED DISNEY PRINCESS!

*Riri pounds against the door, trying to see if the handle will open. Sadly her efforts are for naught, and we return to Topaz.*

: You'll never break free of these ropes either!

Oh yeah? Let's see about this! Errrggh!

*Topaz tries to free himself, but it just makes the anchor lean backwards a bit more. He becomes nervous and stops.*

: What's the matter, Topaz? Where did that energy from a few minutes ago fly off to?

None of your business! But I will say this, you shall regret it if I fall into the water.

: I shall not regret it! Our love shall be bound by eternal tragedy, and you shall never blog again!

You know, I miss the stupid games that the girls play with me. They're a lot more interesting than just tying me to an anchor and tossing me out in the ocean like a mob squealer.

: WHO TOLD YOU! Er, n-never mind...

That was just a generic phrase, like saying that someone will sleep with the fishes. You know, regular gangster-style wordplay.

: I know of a few fishes who would love to sleep with you~

I'd rather not. But speaking of which, I think it's about time to start the blog.

: Finally it's time! And don't worry, I know that Mero is the girl because you don't need permission from villains.

: I would still love to be spoken about. I have only heard good things from my costars, and knowing that I shall be your last blog... Ah~ Such a tragic end to a grand story!

: More like a mediocre story at BEST! Though I have to say that the best parts involve me, OH HO HO!

You mean like the part where your mecha tripped on pudding and you fell into a pool.

: Grrr, how dare you bring up a reference from years ago...

You're the one bringing up old grievances! Though I will say that you would get much better these days. You'd probably get better if the manga translation actually finished, as I've been waiting so long!

: Now now. It is not the time to discuss Lunar and your poor blog about her.

That's right. There's another pink-haired mermaid that deserves to be dug into. And as you can probably figure out...



I will add that her nickname is “Mero”, and that's the term I'll be using during the blog itself.

: I do not mind, my tragic beloved. Though I do not see why you have such a problem with me.

Don't worry, I'll be talking about that soon...

==Head==
===Hair===
Even starting with hair Mero has a few difficulties. She has pink hair, which does her no favors as it's one of my least favorite hair colors. It does sorta make sense as she's from underwater, but I don't think it fits her too well. It does help that her hair is long, reaching past her hips (approximately, due to her tail) and I like how her hair has small drills/curls at the bottom. Mero also has pretty long sides, which frames her face well. They also have curls at the bottom too, and are about chest-level or so (probably longer if they were straight). She's an ojou-like character, so the curls are a fitting choice. “M”ero also has M-shaped bangs, with a bit hanging down in the middle (hence the joke earlier in the sentence). Said middle bang also filters into the rest of her hair, going across past her cheek and connecting (at least in the anime). She also usual wears a goth loli hairband as well. Overall Mero's hair is cool and fitting, but it's definitely not a style I enjoy.
Grade: C+

===Eyes===
Mero's eyes are fairly simple, being one of the blander main girls in the series (at least as far as eyes go, and fortunately she doesn't have black schela but still). That's not an insult though, as her eyes are fairly pretty. Her eyes are blue, fitting considering she's an aquatic/water-themed girl and her eyes are like pools of water. That said blue eyes are a little overrated as there are other main characters with that color. Mero does have sharp corners and a thick upper lid which does well, even if her eyes are tarame. She also has quite a few eyelashes as well. It does help that during one scene Mero wore glasses as part of a disguise. They were a nice underframe pair, but sadly that's just a quick scene and otherwise she goes plain. Overall somewhat good but the glasses do bump her up enough for this score.
Grade: B-

===Face===
Likewise Mero has a basic but not bad face. I do like the art style of the series, as it has a fairly soft art style and looks nice. As a result Mero's cheeks and other facial features are round and curvy. She also has a very small nose, rarely being more than a dot or short line. Mero also has a pretty sweet and nice smile, though being fair when she goes into one of her, er, “moods”, she might cover her mouth with her hands like a proper ojou. Finally, she has long point ears though they look more like fins. I do like how they have a gradient effect, though being yellow on top and pink on the bottom makes me think of a certain overly biased Stars idol I have discussed before... Still, Mero does pretty good here, mostly thanks to the art style.
Grade: B+

: Hmmm... Topaz has not discussed any major issues yet. I wonder why you were so mad at him.

: Well, your hair could be better-

*interrupting* IT SURE COULD BE!

: What I mean is that YOU could like more colors than just dark ones!

But that would be going against my tastes, and that would be wrong! Face it, I'm not the biggest fan of pink hair. And that's not going to change any time soon. At least your glasses and cute face help out some.

: Well, since you aren't going to “change” I should encourage you.

Oh? And how do you plan on doing that?

*Lunar then pushes a button, moving the anchor around. This makes Topaz panic.*

WHOA WHOA WHOA! Threatening to kill me won't change your score! It won't help with Mero's either, as she'll never be able to find out the ending of her blog.

: He does have a point, Lunar. Wait until the end of the blog to toss him over.

: I'm not going to toss him quite yet. I just like making him sweat, as he deserves it for giving me such a poor score! And for ignoring me for so long too!

Not all girls are to my liking, and if I just gave all girls good scores it would be meaningless! I'd much rather explain my arbitrary scores properly than just be a blind sheep! It's what makes me me, an individual! Though I will say that you'd probably score better these days, Lunar. Well, at the very least in chest.

: I don't care, just continue with Mero's blog!

Sounds like a good plan, as the “best” parts are about to come up!

*Meanwhile, Ririchiyo continues to beat against the door. This time she's throwing herself, trying to open the door with her full power.*

: OOF! Why isn't this working? Do I need Bowser or a Snifit to hit at the same time? GRRR! Why is this door locked so well?!

*She continues to ram against the door, but it seems to be unaffected.*

==Body==
===Build===
Mero, by virtue of being a mermaid, absolutely fails this area. Well, a mermaid 100% of the time, at least, and the kind that have their fishy tail at their waist. Mero does have measurements though, but they only prove to be further depressing. Her height is 178 cm, making her 3 cm taller than Kimihito the male lead. Sadly this fails as she's usually sitting, making her look shorter compared to him. She does weigh 49 kg and her three measurements are 85/55/92. Again, that seems to be really good as assy girls are rare, especially as her hips are as big as someone like Takane and her chest is also quite a bit smaller as well. But a fat load of uselessness that size is when she'd lift up her skirt and all you'd find is a pink scaly FISH TAIL! Oh, and Mero's fish tail is pink, matching her hair, but that's not important. What is important is how she feels like a mockery of sizes as most of the busty girls in the series are very busty, and one of the few examples of an “assy” measurement is THE FUDGING MERMAID WHO DOES NOT HAVE AN ACCEPTABLE ASS! Believe me, I considered making her score lower just due to this, giving my first failure because Mero is so horrible, but we should at least look at other areas too.
Since you were probably curious earlier, Mero has some unique features by being a mermaid. Sure, there's the mermaid tail as that's what gets all the fame, but that's not the only feature she has. A small feature that's not quite noticeable is that her hands are finned, like a flipper, between her fingers. Her gills are situated under her breasts, which I'm not sure is a good thing or not. On one hand it does place them right against her “lungs”, but considering she's as busty as she is (or if there are other, bustier mermaids) it would seem like they'd choke on their boobs. If only Fuji-San had that happen to her... Anyway, Mero's fins are pink as mentioned though her fins themselves are yellow. She also has pelvic fins on her hips, used for land travel and other things though they look like silly chicken wings. Mero's waist is pretty slender, which I suppose is alright but meh. Oh, and to make it even better official data shows that Mero has a fishy stench to her and she's actively slimy due to trying to stay moist out of water. Overall everything about Mero is a trainwreck. Overall, I would not pleasure myself with this fish.
Grade: D-

===Chest===
As Mero's upper portion is a human's, as opposed to reverse mermaids, her chest is pretty fine. Well, human-like fine I mean. It doesn't exactly make sense that she'd have breasts or nipples, but I guess the former is excused by them being swim bladders or flabby deposits to keep mermaids warm (that's the canon explanation) while the latter is due to being mammals like a whale or dolphin. Still, it's pretty dumb and is one out of the many other examples of Monster Musume being extremely mamocentric. I suppose it is a common stereotype for mermaids to have breasts, and at least Mero doesn't use a shell bra or something. But really, she even meets the lead character with a marshmallowing. I do like the nipples in Monster Musume, and Mero does show hers a few times but still. She doesn't do too well here.
Grade: C-

===Clothes===
Mero's clothes are pretty good, at least. It helps that she has a gothloli look to her, whether it's because she makes her own clothes or Kimihiro alters clothes she buys online. The outfits are frilly, but fitting the series they also show a lot of cleavage. Sometimes all Mero wears is a bikini top and skirt, though that's mainly for lounging around the house (and even that has a gothloli design). Other outfits include a black bodysuit with skirt, a wedding dress, a blue one piece for the gym episode, a maid-waitress with glasses and fluffy hat as well as a lot of cleavage, and probably more that I can't think of in the show. In the late Monster Musume game some outfits Mero wears include a black and red nurse outfit, another maid outfit, a black and red kimono, a white dress, and an apron. The black and red color scheme is nice, but overall there's nothing too strong for her. Then again that may just be due to Mero being a mermaid that a lot of outfit types don't fit her too well.
Grade: B-

: SEE! I knew that you had something against mermaids!

If you mean I have something against a species that doesn't appeal to me, certainly! At least you have a normal form, and one that gets a lot of foot scenes, unlike Mero who can't do a lot of things.

: Would you rather have a reverse mermaid?

I'd rather not have intimate relations with a fish in general, even if half of her is human.

: I suppose that is a fair case. But it is quite sad that you do not enjoy me as much as the other characters.

: That's right. It's not like you dislike the other Monster girls. It's only MERO that you called out so much on!

In all fairness, while Mero does have terrible scores in these areas most of her costars don't do too well either. They just have other things that appeal to me, like Miia's long hair or Centorea's honor blade personality.

: What about Papi?

Nothing wrong with the token loli bird. Well, I suppose she does have sharp talons and wings for arms, but at least she unlike most of the others has a human-like ass!

: She also lays eggs!

So she's not perfect! Still better than a mating habit that involves making caviar taste even saltier than usual!

: Please do not describe that further. Never say that again.

: That's not how mermaids do it...

How should I know? I don't know if it's explained in either of your continuities. If it did I have forgotten, though that is also a likely answer. It's just funnier to think of it going like that.

: Darn all the mermaid paradoxes stereotypes!

I agree, but let's not get distracted! We still have so much to discuss! Well, at least the last few areas...

*Topaz goes on to continue the blog. However, back at his house a certain girl is laying on his bed.*

: Sigghhh... it's just not the same.

: What are you so bored about? You're getting to lay on Topaz's big bed, like you always wanted!

: I do enjoy how soft it is, but even that isn't cheering me up.

: Listen. I won't judge what you do in the privacy of your own room-

*Kimiko sits up.*

: I-I haven't been doing that, honest! It's something else...

*Rika sits beside her friend and fellow former assistant.*

: Finally feeling regret for being so mamocentric? Though I suppose that I'm not the best one for that, as there's a terrible running joke in my series that Topaz likes to reference and he shouldn't. He apologizes for that.

: It's not that. Well, not just that. I do feel bad for my bad behavior, but what else can I do?

: What are you talking about.

: Without my perversion... who am I? I was born from Empry's imagination, yet there's so little of me that I feel like I'm betraying him trying to change. I was a part of him, so I should be a voice for his perverse actions, right?

: Don't worry, Kimiko. While you were just created as a way for Topaz to talk to Touhou girls you've become well established in the blogs. People like you, I think. Though I think that Zettai would like you more if you showed your ass.

: It's not my fault that Empry doesn't draw well! Besides, that's not what I'm feeling bad about. I just want to be used more in the blogs, and not just for terrible mamocentric scenes.

: Sounds like a dilemma. Well, good luck with that, Ni~pah.

*Rika starts leaving, but Kimiko grabs her wrist.*

: Wait, you're not going to help me? At least cheer me on!

: This is something that you, yourself, have to find out on your own. I do give you my support, Kimiko. Good luck improving yourself, as I trust that you won't need my help.

: Thank you for the confidence! Now I feel like I can make a difference! Like with pointing out that a certain occasional meganekko this season has a cracked right lens, which fanartists tend to ignore. Don't just ignore that, people! It gives the yandere villain CHARACTER!

: That's right!

*Kimiko is in a much better mood, so she lets go of Rika's arm. The cute loli leaves, letting out a relieved breath as she's out of earshot.*

: PHEW! I was hoping that I didn't have to give her advice. I may have lived through so many time lines, but the questions Kimiko is asking are so psychological I wasn't sure what to say. I'm just glad that she seems to be doing better.

*Rika then looks out to the sky, the same sky that is above Topaz and the others on the boat. With that transition we now return to his blog.*

==Mind==
===Personality===
Outside of something that you should probably figure will be mentioned in the next area, Mero is a pretty basic character. She's the rich ojou type, eventually being revealed to be a mermaid princess. She's also warm and kind, even if she sometimes lacks tact. She's a good swimmer and even gets a room with a pool in it, but outside of the water she requires a wheelchair. Overall Mero is pretty warm and kind, but there's still some issues. And by that I mean her NTR fetish which seems to ruin most of Mero's personality. I will say that Haruka Yamazaki, Mero's VA, does pretty well. She has a regal voice which is fitting, and some other characters she's done include Ruka from Hayate and Lilith from Absolute Duo. So not really a big voice, but I suppose that the series tended to use lesser-known VAs.
Grade: C

===Libido===
As mentioned Mero has an NTR fetish, with a love of tragic endings such as the original tale of the Little Mermaid. I blame mermaid society being awful in this world. But indeed she enjoys sad romance and tragic endings, trying to be the one Kimihito is truly in love with while trying to push him towards Miia so that the love between Kimihito and Mero could never actually occur or be in the shadows. Granted, she has started to see the error in this way and is beginning to change, but she still goes into tragic mode on occasion and has the earlier moments that still hold her back. She is a little perverse, which helps, and is fine with being seen by Kimihito, but what doesn't help is that Mero seems to enjoy being tied up by Rachnera. Honestly I wouldn't have known if I hadn't read it, so I can't say if that's true or not. Wouldn't surprise me if Mero was masochistic, to make this area even more awful. Still, the fact that she's learned her lesson and isn't trying for a tragic love as much certainly helps.
Grade: C

===Age===
Much like the other Monster Musume girls I don't think they've ever revealed how old Mero is. She's about the same age as the other characters, and seems to be past high school at least. Probably around college age, but I'm not sure how that works with non-human species. Her birthday is February 28th, and she's a Pisces for the fishy jokes likely.
Grade: A

Total Grades: 55
Average score: 6.1
Final Grade: C+

*As the blog finishes, we return to Ririchiyo. She has assumed her demon form, slashing at the door with her scythe. It doesn't seem to be working, sadly.*

: Why isn't this working?! Am I going to be stuck in this stupid room forever?

*She falls, tearing up.*

: Sniff... Why do I care so much about Topaz? If only there was a way for me to escape and rescue him...

*Riri then hears a squeaking behind her. As the ship sails the window opened up behind her.*

: Why didn't I consider something like THIS? I do suppose that air was getting in here but still. But I can't keep waiting here, I'm coming Topaz!

*With that Riri slides out the window, even if it's a bit tight. Especially with how big her fat ass is. Meanwhile, Topaz is still tied to the anchor, ending the blog.*

And that's the blog for this week!

: That's IT? You can't give Mero such a poor score and expect to get away with it.

In all fairness I could probably give her even lower. Wearing glasses and slowly losing her terrible tragedy fetish helped quite a bit.

: I say we give him a fright.

: Great plan!

*With that Lunar hits her button again, making the anchor sway. Topaz looks quite frightened as he's positioned over the water, with the anchor leaning ominously over the water.*

: Now, are you going to give us what we want, or will we make you walk the plank?

How devious that you thought of that. You two are immune!

: I am afraid that we do not get that reference...

Riri would have gotten the Magic reference. But either way you can threaten me all you want! I'll never artificially inflate your scores!

: You are SO against artificial inflation yet you like that dumb Ayame...

Leave previous blogs that I regret out of this! Truly you are villains, bringing up topics that would only make my readers angry!

: You're the one who lets them down far more often. But how ironic as now we'll be ending this blog by letting YOU down. Ahhh~ Such tragedy...

Killing me off would be a tragedy, and a really over the top way of stopping my blog. But even then, your plan will never succeed!

: OH HO HO! What sort of position are YOU in to be making demands? Your foolish principles will the the end of you!

: NOT WITH ME HERE!

*Riri is on deck now, surprising Lunar and Mero.*

: KYAAH!

: RIRICHIYO!

*Lunar jumps and loses her grip on the button. It slips through her fingers and falls down, landing on the button. The railing keeping the anchor in place falls, and the anchor along with Topaz fall into the water.*

WHY AM I ALWAYS GETTING WET BLUB BLUB!

: TOPAZ! NO!

*Ririchiyo leaps to the side of the ship, just in time to see Topaz sink below the waves. Lunar holds the assistant back.*

: You can't just dive into the murky waters, as you'll never be able to find Topaz that way!

: *Teary* But I HAVE to save Topaz, as the longer I wait the further away from me he'll be!

: It truly is a tragedy...

: YOU! This is all your fault! Both for locking me in that room and for this insanely dangerous and stupid idea!

: Don't blame Mero for that, as I helped with this plan. This was just going to be a threat, and I wasn't actually EXPECTING to throw him into the water! Guy's stronger than I thought!

: Indeed. I may like tragedy but something like THIS? This isn't the kind of romance I wanted with Topaz...

: You don't deserve to have Topaz, you fatty tuna! And look what happens when threats like this go wrong!

: You know, I don't mind this. Consider it repayment for making such a fool of me OH HO HO!

: You cruel sea witch...

: He should have known something like this would happen eventually. Not every villain will just accept a card game or video game battle or something laying down. It was a threat that could have happened at any time!

*The bubbles, as rare as they were, no longer come up.*

: Dearest me. It seems as though he has been killed.

: I bet that Specs will finally give me the praise I deserve!

: You two don't deserve praise! You KILLED TOPAZ! And I-I will...

*Riri turns into her demon form.*

: KILL YOU IN RETURN!

*Mero is frightened, but Lunar is not.*

: Watch out, Lunar! That looks like a dangerous scythe! If a little familiar....

: Riri isn't the type of girl who would attack us without reason.

: I'll wipe that smug smile right off your face. You think I don't have a reason?

: Perhaps, but killing us won't bring Topaz back OH HO HO!

: That's right. Besides, you had a hand in it.

*Ririchiyo wipes her eyes with her sleeve.*

: I don't care! Someone has to pay, and I blame you two! Prepare to be destroyed!

: Oh? You and WHAT ARMY!

Posted by emperortopaz | Oct 18, 7:17 AM | 0 comments
October 11th, 2018
This is the Five-hundred-and-fifteenth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. We're still here in the Cavern of Watery Depths!

: Wait, so we didn't actually leave since last week? Is that why everything smells so rank?

*A blue-haired goddess raises her hand.*

: Actually, that's me. Ufufu.

*She giggles to herself as the other three hold their noses.*

: Such a foul stench invades my nose!

I know! Couldn't you hold that in for Zettai or something?

: Funny you should say that...

: Hold on. Can we at least go through the review and introduce the girl before we get distracted by fanservice?

That's true. And let's get out of this cave. I'm afraid that I'll get wet again.

: Pardon my poor skill. Allow me to dry you off!

That's not necessary and-

*Leviathan casts a spell and a torrent of water pours over Topaz's body. After it stops he's very wet, and he spits out the water.*

Great, now I'm wet again.

: Wahahah! You guys are so silly! Though thank you for breaking me out of my stone prison.

No problem! Even if we had to carry you over the water.

: Just be glad that we didn't drop you into a drainage ditch of Mountain Dew and cause half of your head to erode away.

*Aqua and Leviathan look odd at Ririchiyo.*

: I-It's a reference, I swear! (great, now the two water-based users will think I'm crazy. I'll have to write apology notes-no, I-I mean practice my handwriting...)

It's alright, Riri. I know what you mean. But how about we get out of this cave. That way I should be dried off.

*The other three nod and start following Topaz out of the cavern.*

So I figure you've been done by Zettai, meaning your blog of course. Right, Aqua?

: That I have-wait, are you saying that you want to discuss me?

Of course! I've done your two costars so I might as well talk about you as well. Though I will say that my blog is a little different from Zettai's.

: That and you have other tastes.

Most certainly. But that's the great thing about being separate people. Everyone has their own tastes and stuff.

: I just hope that you're not horrible and can see how superior my body is right now!

*Aqua proudly puffs out her now-flat chest. However, by doing so she bends forward and her short skirt shows off the lower portion of her cheeks.*

Certainly, though you could have a much better buttshot. And your cheeks could always be bigger.

*She glares at Topaz, saying nothing but raising her staff. Suddenly a surge of water comes out of the back of the cavern, coming straight for them. The flood of water only hits Topaz, as it's controlled by the water goddess. He's carried away forward.*

: TOPAZ!

WHY AM I ALWAYS-*GLUB* THE ONE GETTING *GULP* WEEEEeeeettttt.....

*Topaz is pushed out of sight from the trio. Ririchiyo then screams down towards his direction.*

: YOU ALRIGHT, TOPAZ?

YEAH, I'M FINE! BUT I FOUND THE ENTRANCE!

: Looks like he has found the way we came in. We should head in that direction.

: Probably a good idea. Plus I still want to hear what he has to say about me and the blog!

*The three head towards Topaz, leaving the cave.*

: Luckily we didn't have to get lost or anything in that cave.

Of course not. That would make for a terrible plot. Not that this one is much better. But getting back to what we were talking about. Aqua, do you want to be talked about?

: I don't see why not. *poses proudly* I'm sure that all of your readers will become my followers and obey and worship my ass. Oh ho ho!

: Congrats. You might converts someone other than Zettai as I'm sure he already worships your ass.

: I am perplexed. How could one obey your a-ass? Can it speak?

: Oh it can certainly speak. And in a loud voice too!

: OH! How delightful! Perhaps you shall show me?

: Uh, Leviathan... Listen-

: Yes?

*Leviathan bends over to have Riri whisper in her ear. As she listens Leviathan's face becomes shocked, with both hands over her mouth.*

: Oh heavens! I did not realize she was referring to flatulence! How improper!

: Nonsense, it's very natural and should be honored. Much like my ass itself!

Agreed! Though speaking of your body, are you going to allow me to blog you?

: Knock yourself out!

I'd rather stay conscious. But I get that lingo, and will announce that...



: Does Aqua really count as an “October” blog? I mean she is a water goddess, but I'm not sure how spooky that is.

There's nothing wrong with the less spooky side of October, Ririchiyo. Besides, she once dealt with the dead and bringing souls over to her world. That's sorta Halloween-like. Halloween-adjacent?

: I wouldn't say that counts. Face it, Topaz. This was just a filler because you forgot all about the special theme. In fact, you've barely had any themes because you just do random girls.

W-what about Aikatsu month?

: A fluke, as the rest of the months were pretty random. Plus the villains rarely fit with the theme.

: Please, do not argue!

: That's right! You're just wanted to talk about me and my greatness, didn't you? Go on, start the blog!

ALRIGHT FINE! Do you want to hear the real reason?!

*Topaz looks furious, as if he was burning up. He breathes heavily, and it appears as if flames are spreading all around him.*

It's because I'm scared of big bodies of water! I can't swim, so drowning is one of the biggest fears I have. As a result, girls who are able to manipulate water are kinda scary! I mean imagine if they command it to surround your head, and there's nothing you can do! Plus the water theme fits with another fear of being helpless or forgotten!

: I-I didn't know...

Of COURSE not! I barely share anything personal, and certainly not my fears! Drowning in water is one of the worst deaths I can come up with! It's TERRIFYING!

: W-we understand, Topaz. Do not think that we would do anything that awful. Especially to you.

: Yeah, so cool down!

Do you really think that SAYING THAT will calm me down? Now you've got me all riled up!

: Stop shouting Topaz! This is so unlike you!

: Looks like I'll have to use magic again...

*Another torrent of water appears over Topaz's head, cooling him down.*

: A-are you perhaps feeling better now?

Yeah. I apologize for that. I'm not sure what happened. I suddenly got warm, and then I don't know what happened. Suddenly it felt like an evil presence was trying to take me over.

: That does sound awful, but luckily you have me and my holy water to purify you!

Thank you again for all your spells, Aqua. And you too, Leviathan. And I apologize to both of you as well as Riri for screaming at you. If there's anything I can do to prove how sorry I am, be sure to ask.

: (I can ask anything for Topaz! M-maybe I'll have him lay on my legs, or have coffee again-grrr, so many things we could do. W-wait... Stop being so lovestruck, Riri! Ask for him to be less perverse or work harder or-) Ahem-

: Then stop procrastinating and start my blog!

*Aqua pushes Ririchiyo out of the way, saying her thing first.*

Good plan, as I should be getting to that. But what were you going to ask for, Riri? You cleared your throat and everything.

: I-It doesn't matter! Just start your stupid blog (dummy).

Alright then, let's get going!

==Head==
===Hair===
Aqua has really interesting and unique hair. It is a light blue color, which fits both her name as well as her ability over water. It could be a little darker for my tastes, but otherwise it's a pretty color. Her hair is also fairly long, going about to her hips or so. Fortunately this doesn't hide her ass, which is good. Her hair is pulled back into a ponytail, revealing her ears though fortunately she has long sides which frame her face well (other than her ears being visible). Her sides seem to be longer in the anime, reaching past her shoulders while the LN version seems to only reach her chin or so. Speaking of her hair style Aqua's ponytail is likely one of her major charm points. It's a loop that looks somewhat like a nine (at least looking at it from behind, as it would be reversed from the front) and she has a few round decorations at the base of it. Two are smaller and there's one big blue ball in the center. Aqua's bangs are somewhat average, with one long bang but looking messy fits her personality pretty well. Occasionally she does have her hair down, but overall Aqua's hair is very eye-catching and striking, looking quite unique even if it's not exactly to my taste (though there's nothing bad about it either, of course).
Grade: B

===Eyes===
Much like her hair Aqua also has blue eyes. Sadly this series does seem to go overboard with blue eyes, making them a little overdone. At least in Aqua's case they match her hair and powers, even if I think her eyes are a slightly different shade (though it's me and I'm not good at telling colors apparently). Still, her eyes have very pretty round pupils and the color is done pretty well. Her eyes are also a nice tsurime shape with some nice sharp corners and a very emphasized upper lid. She could use glasses, but otherwise Aqua does pretty good here.
Grade: B

===Face===
As I've mentioned in the other KonoSuba characters' blogs, at least I remember mentioning, but the art style does take a somewhat off-model approach. In the anime, at least. This is done well for comedic effect, even if it means that Aqua has some very silly faces. It really works for her as she's extremely expressive, and I mean that in a positive way as well. Heck, I remember one point where she panicked to the point with a goofy look that was so silly that she made the episode pause for commercial xD. But don't think that Aqua is just silly here. She has some great expressions, especially some smug ones as they make her look dominant. Her face is also quite cute, with the small features I tend to like including her small nose. Aqua's head is also acorn-shaped, giving her some cheeks though they could be a little rounder. Much like her ass is round (though could always be bigger), but that's getting to the next area...
Grade: B+

: Why are you still picking out that my ass could be bigger? Isn't it huge enough?

But it could always be bigger!

: I do not know. Any larger and she would not be able to keep her modesty in such a short skirt!

: And even now her modesty is in question...

: Nonsense! My ass is certainly not MODEST!

*Aqua shakes her hips, showing off her big cheeks. They're so big that they jiggle and ripple beautifully.*

Certainly not. I mainly mean it as a joke. Though I do suppose that your ass is bigger in blogs than in your actual show.

: Don't tell me that blog-themed fanservice doesn't count for you either? Honestly why do I try these things?

: Wait, you mean that you were serious when you said that you had fun with Zettai? Recently I mean, I know about what you did during his blog.

: I had not realized that blogs were so... scandalous!

Only when the girl wants them to be. Though... Urg...

*Topaz is leaning against a nearby tree, his hand against his heart. One of his eyes has a ruby like symbol, but the girls aren't close enough to notice. It even just is in view of the audience for a short period of time.*

: Goodness! Are you doing alright?

Yeah, I should be fine.

: But you're burning up! We should do something!

: I know!

*Yet more water rains down on Topaz, and after it's done he wipes his brow. He seems better, with the symbol gone.*

Thank you very much, Aqua. I don't know where I'd be without you.

: Drier!

: What's going on with you, Topaz?

I can't say for sure. It's like my body is burning up, ripping from the inside out. I feel like I'm going insane!!

: If you say you're going to have an Alien baby, please don't joke around like that. The girls wouldn't get the joke with the chestburster and everything...

: That sounds very unpleasant! Hopefully it is not a symptom of this island!

: We should split, before Topaz's affliction gets any more serious!

Good plan, but let's continue with the blog before that!



==Body==
===Build===
Aqua has a very great body. Well, not entirely as she has some issues in the next area, but before we get to that we get to discuss some great things. First off MAL is trolling with those measurements, as she doesn't have any actual official measurements. She does seem to be about Kazuma's height, meaning she's 165 cm but that might just be eyeballing it. Not that Aqua requires measurements, as they would just be a gravy. She has fairly thick thighs and a nice navel, at least during the times that the latter is shown off. She's also fairly average in build, which is pretty good. What is interesting is that Aqua is a definite Ass Girl, which anime needs far more of (especially these days). The anime tends to show off her ass in fanservice, and since she goes nopan there's a lot of shots of her bare ass. There are some figures that give her panties, but I want to think that's just due to the figure creator's age ratings as people would look up her skirt. Overall it's incredibly awesome that Aqua is such a great ass girl, especially because it's not like she's flat so they have to force her to take that spot. She's medium, and I like how the KonoSuba girls fit well into the three fanservice points of cow/ass/loliteen (even if all girls should show off their asses, but having a girl known for her ass is really great).
Grade: A

===Chest===
As said previously, Aqua isn't exactly flat. Still, she does well as an ass girl and gets a lot of service. That doesn't mean that she doesn't get the occasional chest shot, which is really unfortunate. She's at least treated better than the bustier girls (including Darkness, who was blogged some time ago). Aqua, like with Darkness and the other characters, really needs a bra as they don't seem to exist in this universe. She also gets some bad official art, though it's only troubling because she isn't showing off her ass instead. Some of Aqua's moments are bad as well. Some examples include mocking another goddess for padding and having a really stupid commandment about breasts and accepting others. Still, there are some issues but nothing too troubling.
Grade: B-

===Clothes===
Aqua tends to use one outfit most of the time, likely wearing it religiously (pun intended). Her goddess dress consists of a blue dress with white trim, a short blue skirt with mostly-transparent underskirt, detached white sleeves, white thighhighs, and a bow on her collar. As mentioned before Aqua goes nopan for added sexiness, and perhaps to keep Kazuma from stealing her panties as another bonus. She also has a hagoromo for some additional goddess points. Some other outfits that Aqua wears include a very nice maid outfit and blue pajamas. Official art, or perhaps the light novels, add a few more things. These include a pink vested school girl uniform with a white shirt underneath and grey plaid mini skirt, a white fancy dress, a cheerleader's outfit with her name on the chest, a hot springs yukata as well as the hanten coat (I finally learned the name of that thing xD), as well as quite a few bikinis including a white one and a blue one with pareo (though with no bottom otherwise, which I can't decide on if I dislike or find sexy). Overall she has a fairly good amount of variety, which means she gets a good score here.
Grade: B+

*Meanwhile, on board the ship the two people are loading boxes on board. One is of course using a wheelchair to help out.*

: I still don't see why we need this many supplies.

: It's quite simple. You'll see my plan to get Topaz on the return trip.

: With these big wooden crates?

*She opens a nearby one.*

: They aren't even filled with anything. What will we need empty boxes for?

: Don't question my plans, Ariel! All you need to know is that everything is going exactly to plan...

: Everything? So you planned on Topaz meeting up with a water dragon, them going to the Cavern of Watery Depths, and then releasing a powerful water goddess to aid them?

: FINE! So I'm going by the seat of my tailfin. But that doesn't mean that Topaz won't be subjected to our terror soon! He shall feel my revenge for being done so poorly!

: How marvelous! And he shall fall for me shortly before as well, so that our love shall be so truly tragic!

: What did I get into... *Sigh* Oh well, as long as you're working hard I won't complain. OHOHOHOHO!

*The mysterious crew member laughs as we return to Topaz, who is continuing with the blog.*



==Mind==
===Personality===
Aqua started out as the goddess that brought souls of the recently diseased to her realm, giving them a blessing to make their lives in the fantasy world easier. However, she wasn't expecting Kazuma to choose her as his blessing, and the two got brought to the fantasy world together. After assembling a party with two more members they make their journey to defeat the demon king (not that they get too far location-based, even if they have killed a few of his highest officials). Aqua herself is a very energetic and fun girl, in a good way of course. She's very expressive and really is a great part of the show. She likes exploring and has a lot of useful magic. This includes healing, resurrection, and water summoning (even if the latter is dangerous and causes floods). Her holy aura does attract demons and undead, though that helps her party members destroy them easier. She's also a powerful Archpriest and a max level one, though her intelligence and luck are quite low. She even gets fooled into purchasing a chickendragon egg for a lot of money, keeping it as a pet. She does make amusing mistakes and likes to drink, but that just gives her a lot of character! She even uses her water skills to do party tricks, such as her splitting waterspout trick, as she's so powerful she doesn't need to take skills to make herself any more powerful. Sora Amamiya, who gives Aqua her voice, does a good job with the silly girl. She's done the more serious Akame as well as Miia, meaning that Sora has a good range. I would like it more if Aqua got more appreciation as I've heard some pretty mean things said by fans. But then I remember that I shouldn't take waifu wars seriously, but they need to stop calling her useless as Aqua is awesome!
Grade: A-

===Libido===
Aqua does seem to be the main girl to Kazuma, and in the web novels the two even stay in this world to adventure together (Aqua staying on “Earth” while Kazuma doesn't return to his previous world). However, as good as this sounds the two do end up bickering quite a bit. It's the comedic style of bickering which is entertaining, but it still has some issues. He even goes out of his way to ignore Aqua during the OVA where he teases all the other girls when he thought he was dying. Still, Aqua does seem to have a lot of respect towards him, and he also respects her even if she does cause a lot of problems. That... should probably be worded better but I mean that with the best of intentions.
Grade: B-

===Age===
It's unknown how old Aqua actually is. She's a goddess after all, and apparently has been sending people to the other world for several millennial. That said, Aqua looks to be in her late teens to her twenties or so, moreso the latter at least to me. She does seem a little sensitive about her age, but that's probably more because Japan is oddly against mature women for some reason. Aqua should take pride in her great age, as it's certainly a great feature!
Grade: A

Total Grades: 80
Average score: 8.9
Final Grade: B+

And that's the blog for the week. What do you think of that, Aqua?

: Ho ho ho, it appears that you like me even more than Zettai. Perhaps I'll play with you instead of him next time.

I respectively decline. Both because Zettai likes you and because that's way too smelly for me.

: In all fairness Topaz has a different total score, so with Zettai's lower total score he probably gave you a higher score on a curve.

Exactly. Plus you did get lower than Megumin. Well, only by one point but still.

: WHAT?

: In fairness you beat Darkness by a lot, though that isn't surprising.

Darkness like the show is terrible.

: I still can't believe that I, a beautiful assy goddess of water, was beat out by that overpopular pipsqueak of a chuuni. What, is it her explosions? Well, I should show you MY “explosions” too!

: Please refrain from doing that! The island may wilt due to the might of your flatulence!

I agree. I'm not sure where she did so well in comparison to you, but it's still only one measly point. It's not enough to get so mad about.

: Harumph! *pouts*

Come on-hrrrggghh...

*Topaz falls to his knees this time, gripping his chest on his heart side.*

I'm burning... seething...

: Oh no! Topaz is having another attack! Quick, do something Aqua!

: No! He needs to give me at least two more points. Otherwise he'll have to suffer!

: I shall attempt to aid him, but without Aqua's holy water it may be useless!

*Leviathan uses her water magic on Topaz, covering him with water.*

MORE OF THIS-BLUBBLUBBLUB!

: It must be working! Keep going!

: Of course!

*Water still pours over Topaz uselessly. Aqua sees Leviathan working hard and pushes her aside.*

: I can't let you take all the credit for saving Topaz. Here, let me help!

: Awww, see? I knew that you weren't a complete jerk.

: Quit insulting my powers or I won't do this at all!

*Despite that threat Aqua starts to cast spells on Topaz. However, even her holy water only delays it slightly.*

: What's going on?

I'm getting soaked, that's what's going on! BLURRPPPH!

: True, but my holy magic isn't curing you! This is incredibly unlikely!

: Maybe if we take him to the Cavern we can amplify our-

No no. Just get me off this-urgh... island. And I wonder how long I will be able to withstand this evil force!

: Looks like he's starting to see things. Don't worry, Topaz. I'll take you to the boat!

*Riri picks up Topaz and rushes with Aqua and Levia towards the boat. The two crew members are waiting for them on board, with their disguises on this time around.*

: What the? Did something happen to Topaz?

: How terrible! *Mumble I wanted him to be in a tragic love with ME and not some water-using floozy. Though I suppose this is nice, in its own way Mumble*

: He is burning up with fever! We must get him off the island immediately!

: Not even my water magic can help him, so we must get him to a specialist!

: Then bring him aboard!

: Good!

*Riri runs aboard, followed by the captain. Aqua and Leviathan try to get on board too, but are stopped by the other crew member.*

: Whoa whoa. Where do you two think you're going?

: We must care for Topaz on his journey!

: Right! We're with him! Though please don't beg me for an autograph, this is no time for that.

: We don't possibly have room for all four of you. You two will have to stay here.

: Wait, why do they have to stay behind?

: Take a look!

*The captain opens the door and inside are all the boxes that they were placing on the ship earlier.*

: All of our cargo is taking up the room. We cannot possibly leave it behind.

: That's the reason we came to this island after all.

: So we're stuck here?

: Do not worry. We will return for you. (Someday, if I don't forget OHOHOHOHO!)

: This sounds like some type of brain twister.

: So Topaz is the wolf and I'm the lettuce, and those two are the goat then?

: HEY! I'd rather be something cute like a bunny or something over a smelly old goat!

: I believe that “smelly” is a fitting description...

: Now's not the time to argue! Come on, can't you make room? Or get whatever is in the boxes elsewhere?

: Unfortunately that secret pirate curry can only be found on deserted islands like this one.

: Stupid ship filler ruining the plot for everyone!

OOOOHHHH!

: There is no time! Leave us and make sure that Topaz is safe!

: On it!

: Then we'll set off, as we're in a hurry!

*They set sail, leaving the two water users behind. Once they're a good distance away from the shore the non-big dress crew member takes Topaz, nearly ripping him out of Ririchiyo's hands.*

: Looks like he's doing better now. Here, I'll take him to his quarters.

: H-hey! He's still doing poorly!

: Don't worry... I'll take good care of him...

: That sounds suspicious... Wait, how do you know what his name was?

: You said it on the boat ride over. Now, just calm down and I'll take you to your quarters.

: But I want to be with Topaz!

: A man and woman, in the same room?! How perverse! Now, let's get you prepared.

*She then leads Ririchiyo to a bedroom. In it there's a bed and a wheelchair.*

: W-wait... This room seems empty. We could have had Aqua and Leviathan stay here with me!

: I believe-mmpmh- that you are mis-mmmph-understanding our intentions.

*Riri hears the woman moan and groan as she moves from the wheelchair she was in to the one kept in the room. Her big poofy dress is torn, revealing a fish tail.*

: W-wait... I knew that something smelled fishy here!

: Don't use such speciest jokes. They aren't as funny as you think.

: Wait. A fanservice character getting put with terrible political dialogue? Was this written by FUNImation?

: No no. I was just angry that my cover has been blown.

*She takes off the glasses and mustache, leading Riri to gasp.*

: That wasn't a real mustache!

: HEY! That's not the point here!

: Sorry, but Topaz is the one that would care about you losing your glasses. Or Kimiko, if she was relevant. But without that paper thin disguise I see you for who you truly are-MERO!

: That is but a nickname, much like “Ariel”. But indeed. I am Meroune Lorelei, and I have plans for your precious Topaz!

: I knew it! You're obviously a villain! I can't wait to tell Topaz and ruin your plans!

: It's too late!

: NONSENSE! I mean he's still suffering from the island madness or whatever, but I'm sure we'll still be able to defeat you!

: I didn't mean for Topaz...

*Mero then pushes a button. The original wheelchair she was riding in springs to life, like a powersuit. It then launches at Ririchiyo, pinning her against the wall.*

: ERRRGGH! YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, YOU FRIDAY SPECIAL!

: Oh? But it looks like I have. OH HO HO!

*Mero laughs as she wheels out of the room.*

: I'LL BREAK OUT OF HERE, YOU'LL SEE! TOPAZ! PLEASE SEE THROUGH THEIR DISGUISES AND WE CAN ESCAPE!

: Try all you want, little one. But you will never escape this contraption.

: I'LL SHOW YOU! ERRGGH! TOPAZ! COME HERE AND HELP ME! I-

*Mero shuts the soundproof door, even spinning the wheel to seal her inside.*

: Now that that's done, let's see how Lunar is doing...

*Mero then wheels herself upstairs to the deck, where Lunar is. She's with the giant anchor, which has a familiar male figure tied to it.*

: Looks like you were able to complete the plan.

: That's right! It's quite convenient that his island madness or whatever gave us a way to bind him like this. But now that we're done we should get him awake.

*Lunar even splashes him with water.*

: Rise and shine, Mr. Topaz!

Bleh bleh. Why am I always wet?!

*Topaz shakes his head, waking up while trying to dry off.*

W-wait. What happened? It felt like my heart was simultaneously going to pop out of my chest while it was burning up my body from inside. Now I'm perfectly fine.

: I'm sure that it was just a reaction to being inside the Cavern of Watery Depths too much. Or maybe all that water gave you a short cold.

It didn't feel like any cold I've had. Wait... You're Mero! And Lunar! Where did you come from!

: See? I knew that he would fall for our disguises.

That aside, how did I get here? I remember fainted and now I'm tied to an anchor! Erggh! AIIIEEE!

*Topaz rocks back and forth, but that just makes the anchor lean against the straining railing further. It was as if he was crucified on the anchor as well, meaning that he was unable to move. The water underneath looks rough, brushing against the side of the boat.*

: I wouldn't move too much if I were you, Topaz. Something very TRA~GIC might just happen....

*The wheelchair mermaid goes up beside him.*

W-what do you mean?

: You'll see next time.

: That is quite correct, as I shall join a few of my other costars and have the honor of being blogged!

This just sounds awful...
Posted by emperortopaz | Oct 11, 7:24 AM | 0 comments