emperortopaz's Blog

September 21st, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-sixtieth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. We're still here up on Mount Time. It's a shame that I haven't done any actual training but we're slowly making progress towards the summit. Last week was quite busy as well, with Lightning showing up.

: The girl, not the storm.

Exactly. And we got ambushed by a girl who goes by the nickname "Futsure" that turned out to be Mirai, the loli from Senran Kagura.

: Exactly, now let me go!

*The camera shows Lingyin holding onto Mirai, keeping her from attacking.*

: Hey, we captured you fair and square. Now stop squirming!

: This is a mutiny! How dare you betray me, Shenlong!

: Whatever keeps you from destroying Topaz!

: That guy deserves to be destroyed! He's a mamocentric idiot and betrays his friends all the time! He also forgets to mention things like how horrible censorship in games is! Specifically against asses!

I know. Sometimes I get to be too easygoing and my laid back attitude means that I don't get worked up enough. That said, it is really dumb how unfair games are about asses.

: Especially with Tharja. There's no reason for her to be as hated as she is.

Agreed. Hopefully she'll be announced for the Warriors game. They need more magic users.

: And assy fanservice-wait, I should specify of girls only.

That much should be obvious.

: Quit trying to butter up to your friend! He already knows you're overly distracted by melons!

It is a fatal flaw of mine. But even if your serious is filled with melon girls, that doesn't mean that I can't appreciate you!

: A likely story! We'll see how you REALLY feel about me by doing your blog on me!

: Wait, you're sure you'll be alright with him talking about you?

: I don't see why not. I'm sure all of my fans will troll you plenty if you so much as mention one bad thing about me!

I can't say that there won't be bad things, but I'll reassure you that they won't be what you're thinking.

: Wait, so does that count as her giving permission to let you talk about her?

Sure seems like it to me. And since she allows it...

Today's girl is:

Senran Kagura

Hair: Mirai likely has some of the best hair in the franchise. It's absolutely beautiful, with her hair being black and long. Fortunately her hair ends right above her hips, which makes it the perfect length. Her sides fall down past her shoulders, which look really cute. That plus a hime cut would have given Mirai a perfect score here, but even with a small amount of problems I'll still say that she has simply AMAZING hair. The problem is that, even with Mirai's hair being blunt they do have a large part above her right eye. It's only a little, but it does cost her. She also wears a frilly cat-eared bonnet with her main outfit, and there's probably many silly items you can put on her head (including animal ears) in the game series. Overall she's only a hair below the top spot here (pun intended), though Mirai's hair is certainly one of the things I love most about her.
Grade: A

Eyes: Mirai's eyes-er, eye, is also really great. She does wear an eyepatch which loses her points here, but it is a cool one and it helps that she doesn't use it because of an injury (she does it so that she sees less of the world that had wronged her so much). Despite the series having a soft style Mirai still has a strong tsurime, which is outstanding with the red color of her eyes. It looks amazing with the contrasting colors and makes her look even more amazing. In addition, in the games you can have her wear all sorts of glasses. It is a shame she doesn't wear them in an official setting though, like have her wear them when on the computer or something. It would have boosted her into the A-rank. Still, Mirai's eyes are beautiful, even with the eyepatch.
Grade: B+

Face: Like many other characters from Senran Kagura Mirai has a great soft face. The artstyle is one of my favorites due to how soft and cute most of the characters look. Mirai in particular looks young, as her cheeks look rounded and soft and her face looks small vertically. Mirai also has a dot nose and small features, making her look very cute to me. She does quite strong here, though I wouldn't mind her having more cute moments.
Grade: A

Build: Mirai is the smallest girl in the franchise. She stands at a short 150 cm, at least as far as I know. Her three measurements are 62A/48/59, making her quite small measurement wise too. It's a shame that they didn't make her ass bigger either, not that I condone flat girls having bigger asses to "balance" but because this was a prime situation to make at least ONE girl in the franchise have a bigger ass. At least before Ryoubi, but only her untransformed side counts (and boy does it count!). Anyway, while she is quite small and not extremely sexual for my normal tastes, but luckily I have a strong taste for dark-haired lolis like her. Mirai does have a good body for that side of me, but I would mention that she definitely needs more fanservice. She got nothing that I remember in the run of the anime, which is quite unfortunate. I'd also mention that while her ass isn't too big (at 59) there are still times that she shows it off and it looks pretty round. This includes a bare ass shot in one of the game CGs as well, and in the Versus transformation her ass jiggles a little which is a nice touch. I really do like the series for the soft art style too, so it's a shame where they put their main focus...
Grade: B

Chest: Now, you might look at the final grade here and think that I'm unfairly punishing Mirai just because she's flat. This is not the case. It's more that she has problems accepting it, and the series in general is quite terrible at being mamocentric. Mirai is perfectly fine how she is, and I find her smoothness a breath of fresh air in the series. Sadly the creator dislikes flat girls because they cause problems with the physics, but I don't care as Mirai deserves to exist! She's got a great quality that makes her unique and beautiful in the franchise! Well, not completely unique but enough so that she won the first popularity poll. Though that was before Yumi existed and became the Hinagiku of the series (though even now Mirai does well in the polls. At least the main series, non-New Wave as she's been in the top 10 for each poll). Overall I would say that she's quite beautiful.
That said, the series definitely disagrees with how much they mock poor Mirai. She gets very jealous, which is a minus against her for my tastes. Mirai is also mocked in some transformation of Deep Crimson where she smacks herself in the face with her ninja scroll. She's even the instigator to some DLC content as she plots to make herself bigger. This causes her to steal from Asuna, who wants hers smaller. While the latter is somewhat balancing, the bust slider that came from that was not. Especially because the absolute smallest, at least in the English releases, is labeled "Mirai". It's a shame that the game dislikes her as much as it does, though even the anime isn't too kind. She lacked any sort of scenes, and even in the OVA she didn't show nipples. It's a shame as she certainly has fans that love her for being just how she is, myself included.
Grade: C

Clothes: This is definitely Mirai's best area. Her usual outfit is a big poofy black goth loli dress with white frills and wings. It looks extremely adorable, though it does hide her body quite a bit. Fortunately her other outfits help out quite a bit. For one, it's a plot point that she wears bear panties as she thinks that once people saw them they wouldn't take her seriously and Mirai runs off (her friends eventually bring her back). Mirai also has a school swimsuit underneath her normal outfit, which is shown when the dress gets ripped. Sukumizus are great for those with her body type. During normal class hours her school uniform is a black sailor uniform with red markings, a black handkerchief with a red tip, and a pleated skirt. She has a winter uniform that consists of a brown cardigan over a white shirt, red bow tie, and black skirt which also looks good.
Of course, we can't forget about all the outfits she wears outside of the main story line and anime. The games do a great job of putting her in all sorts of sexy outfits, and while I can't speak for the Versus games the 3DS games have outfits including the other girls' outfits, a cute camisole with short skirt, a bunny outfit, a cheerleader, a miko, a Chinese dress, a kimono, a kindergartner's smock, a wedding dress, a futuristic bodysuit, and many more great ones. Mirai also has a good amount of outfits that are seen in the card game. These include a towel, a yukata, many causal outfits and cute dresses, a pirate (making her a pirate ninja), a maid, red buruma, a cowboy, and pajamas among many others. Overall this series does good as far as variety goes.
Grade: A+

Personality: Mirai is a really cute girl with a troubled past. She was bullied and became distrustful of others, only wanting to leave her mark on the world. She enrolled in Hebijo's school to get revenge on the bullies that had wronged her, though she eventually forgets about that aspect. Not in a bad way, she learns that she doesn't have to take revenge as she's better than the bullies. Mirai is still pretty desperate to be treated as an equal, though her abilities are weak at the moment. She still has a big ego though, which is cute. She's also a little immature and can be short-tempered which is also really cute. Mirai does have a bit of a self-esteem problem, but that's due to being bullied so much. As such, having a lot of talk seems to be both a way to hide her insecurities and to make sure that others don't ignore her. Her favorite food seems to be stew and her hobby is the internet. Mirai goes under the name "Futsure", an Engrish translation of her name, when writing stories (though it seems that her sci-fi novels are written under the name "SFX"). She also likes some otaku things, which is cute (her favorite seems to be the fictional "Sengoku Super Wars" series). Mirai is voiced by Saori Gotou who does a good job with the cute loli. She's also voiced characters like Moeka from Steins;Gate, Rise from Yuru Yuri, and Setsuna from NEEDLESS. Overall she's cute and I really like her, even if I may have forgotten something.
From a gameplay perspective Mirai is also really cool. In a game of mostly close combat she prioritizes range. To help with this, she has the ability to counter attacks and avoid taking damage (which is good, as she tends to be fairly squishy with low HP and defenses). That said I mainly know about the two 3DS games as I haven't played any from the Versus series. Anyway, in Deep Crimson Mirai was one of my favorite characters to use. She has three weapon styles in it; her umbrella which is a gun, a grenade launcher, and a gatling gun. I prefer the grenade launcher, as it can scatter and knock down enemies without much trouble. Mirai was one of my favorites for that reason, and her Ninja arts are also cool. While certainly suggestive, if you aim her Valkyrie well (which is the gun that comes out from under her skirt) it can be useful (but I have problems aiming it). I like her leaping attack as it's more spread. She also seems to be able to summon a mini-jet from under her skirt, which she does at one point in the anime as well. Her moves are also named after guns or other military-related names which shows her knowledge of such things. I find it really amusing that Mirai has hidden so many weapons inside her skirt, and in general she's one of my favorites from the franchise.
Grade: B

Libido: Mirai doesn't show perversion, at least among the series I'm familiar with. She has a strong rivalry with Yagyuu, with Mirai trying her best to be noticed despite not being great herself and going against a prodigy. Mirai also has some shipping from Haruka, with the dominant girl caressing her quite a bit and treating her kouhai like a pet. Finally, she's also close friends with Ryoubi I think, though their relationship is one of butting heads. Nothing too strong here, but Mirai still has some cute yuri choices.
Grade: C

Age: While Mirai's age was removed from the non-Japanese versions, she is still officially fifteen. She's also in the first year of high school (at least before she got kicked out), and is the youngest among her team. Her birthday is December 28th. Overall not too bad, and while not quite a "hag" she is definitely a loliteen or so.
Grade: B-

Total Grades: 76
Average score: 8.4
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for the week! What do you think, Mirai?

: Huh... That is not as bad as I expected. But I don't care, you're still heavily biased towards cows and thus I must destroy you!

: Why does everyone want to destroy Topaz? Why can't they just leave him alone to go about his non-blog business?

Sounds like someone really wants me around, doesn't she?

: WHAT! N-no! Not at all! W-why would I want a pervert like you around?

: So should I let her go, or what?

You may release her.


*Lingyin releases the gothloli loli.*

: Wait, how did she get captured again?

You're going to make me write out what happened between blogs, aren't you?

: If you would have put it at the beginning like you're supposed to we wouldn't have this problem.

Fair point. I guess it went sort of like this...

*Start flashback.*

: So when is this blog going to start anyway? I'm getting tired just waiting for a week until this blog begins!

: It won't be a week to us.

: Besides you've already waited a week. What's one more?

: One too many! I should have been done already, like the rest of the girls from my series! Or at least the other girls at my school!

Fair. I will admit that I like the series far more than it deserves.

: Meaning that he likes it at ALL.

: She's got the right idea. Why can't SHE be the one doing the blogs?

: Because this is all Topaz's stupid idea. That he's affecting other people with.

Hey, it's not my fault that people enjoy the ability to discuss their favorite girls.

: Grrr! I'll show you what an ass-hater like you deserves!

I've never been an ass-hater though!

: Just by liking my series proves that you are!

It is true that it is mamocentric, but there's a lot of shows that are the same way!

: Grr, stop sorta making sense with your sorta logic!

: (Topaz needs to learn how to argue with himself better-wait, can I think that or is that too fourth wall-breaky. Eh, too late now). And it's not the fault of breasts. If anything it's the terrible people who write series where flatness is under-appreciated and asses are under-appreciated even further.

: I can agree with that. It's dumb that your country keeps over-censoring asses and leaves breasts alone!

I understand that happens, but do know that it's not like there's anything that I can do to stop that. Besides, there's a good amount of sexy video game asses these days!

: But what about MY series and how terrible it is?

I can't defend that. The writer is very mamocentric and it got to the point where it affected Fire Emblem. But even then there's still some nice ass attacks. Hibari gets quite a few, for example. She even becomes a giantess and squishes people.

: ENOUGH! I'm getting tired about you defending the scraps that ass lovers get while you hog all the service for yourself! I'll kill you!

*Mirai reaches for her weapons, but Lingyin grabs her wrists from behind. She then raises Mirai's arms high.*

: W-what? You TRAITOR! Don't you want to get back at Topaz for everything he's done?

: All I see is a guy trying his best to help comfort those that are affected by horrible circumstances.

*Flashback ends.*

And I think that is pretty much what happened...

: Yeah, and even though you did an alright blog on me I still want my revenge! Just not as violent, I guess...

: Perhaps you two can play some sort of game. That could help.

But I don't want to play high stakes gambling...

: Not that!

: Shoot. I was looking forward to Rock, Paper, Scissors.

: Fine then. We will battle in a duel of my choosing! And by that I mean a literal duel!

: Wait, no! That's even worse than the fighting. You shouldn't shoot each other!

: I meant that one Yugioh game or whatever. Not that kind of dual, with the guns.

Wait, you're complaining about censorship in games and then want to play one of the most censored-by-localization games possible?

: And one of the few that actually decreases bust size as well when needed...

: Yeah! I got a deck from Specs. She used the built up energy to teleport it here!

: Is that what that big tank was full of? I was wondering why it took up so much of the back room when I was exploring the castle.

: Exactly. Now do you have a deck.

Fortunately I did bring one!

: Good! Let's begin! We'll only have 4000 life as we want a quick battle too.

*The two shuffle their decks and sit down.*

: Since it was my choice I'll go first. That will give you a slight advantage, though you'll definitely need it!

Don't count me out so soon, the battle hasn't even begun!

*The two draw five cards to begin.*

: Hey, what are Topaz's chances here?

: How should I know? I don't know Mirai's deck and Topaz hasn't played for years. One can only wonder how good he still is...

: I'll start with this: Twin-Barrel Dragon in Attack Mode! Since there is no other card on the field its effect doesn't matter. I'll also play this card face down... Your turn!

Alright then! So is this when I am supposed to say my goals or life story or something?

: Just get to playing!

Fine fine... *Topaz draws a card.* I play Jain, Lightsworn Paladin in Attack Mode! Attack Mirai's monster!

: Curses. I knew I shouldn't have played it in Attack Mode. So what, I take 100 damage?

You take 400 as Jain gains 300 attack when she attacks. *Mirai's score becomes 3600.* I also send the top two cards of my deck to the graveyard.

: Eh? Topaz is destroying his own deck? Isn't that counter-productive?

: While milling your own deck isn't a strong strategy, the type of deck he's playing is one that seems built around it.

: So you're playing that kind of deck. I'm somewhat surprised that you're not using some sort of mamocentric cards like the Magician Girls or Harpies or something.

This deck is based on one I have and enjoy in real life. But now it's your turn.

: Don't count me out quite yet... *Draws* Fufufu.... Now you'll see the true power of my deck! I play Second Coin Toss! With it I can flip coins twice if I don't like the outcome.

So you're a gambling rambling sort of girl?

: I just like Gun Dragons, alright? Speaking of which... Fufufu... Come forth Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji!

: Wait! That creature is too powerful to play outright! How is she able to bring it out?

Because she doesn't have any spell or traps in the graveyard she can special summon it.

: But what's the point? It's so weak...

: It is true that the Big Waraji is weak by itself, but I'll just tribute it and use it as two tributes!

*Mirai sends it to the graveyard and plays a bigger creature.*


This isn't a barrel of laughs!

: That joke was terrible...

: If you think that Barrel Dragon itself is bad I haven't activated my trap yet! Go forth Gun Cannon Shot!

Oh no! That card is so new it isn't even released yet!

: I hope that for future that card isn't named something else. Otherwise this blog link will be problematic...

Wouldn't be the only one. Boo terrible websites ruining my great blogs.

: Stop trying to distract me! I'll activate Barrel Dragon's effect now, targeting your creature!

: That seems a bit much, considering you can just attack and destroy it.

: But with Gun Cannon Shot I can deal more damage. Now go, coin flips!

*Mirai flips the coins, but only one comes out heads.*

Phew. That was a close one.


*Mirai flips the coins again, and two arrive at heads.*

: Whooo! Now I not only get to destroy your monster but deal 500 damage to you!

And I I had another card on the field you could have destroyed that too. *Topaz's life goes down to 3500*

: And that's not all. Now that you're defenseless I can attack directly! Go Barrel Dragon!

*Topaz takes a direct attack, his life going down to 900.*

: This looks like trouble! Topaz has to find a way out of this, and soon!

: That's right. But I'm sure that Topaz has the tools to make it out...

That I do.

: Well, let's see what you have in mind. It's your turn.

Cool. I hope that the card I drew is useful. *Draws it.* Nope, completely useless...

: Ufufu. Now what are you going to do?

I still have the tools to destroy you! I'll start by activating this: Foolish Burial!

: With that card he can send a monster of his choosing and then revive it!

I could, but why do that when I can knock out the middleman with Wulf, Lightsworn Beast?

*Topaz sends Wulf to the graveyard, but it comes back to the battlefield.*

: Wait, what happened?

: If Wulf is sent from the deck to the graveyard it gets special summoned! But sadly that 2100 attack won't be enough.

That's fine. He won't stay around too long. Not with me tributing him for... Celestia, Lightsworn Angel!

: That's it? She still has less attack than my creature!

Yes, but if I use a Lightsworn to summon her she kills two things. And I choose your dragon and it's cannon!

: W-what?! I'm the only one that's supposed to destroy things with wanton destruction!

: Don't forget to toss four cards first, Topaz.

Oh yeah. *Topaz sends the top four cards of his deck to the graveyard. As he does so the camera notices that one of the monsters he sent has "Necro" in its name, while the top card of his graveyard is Ryko, Lightsworn Hunter. Then Mirai's monster and trap are destroyed.* Now, let me return the favor-CELESTIA, ATTACK!

*Mirai's life goes from 3600 to 1300.*

: That closed the gap easily!

: Grr! Don't think that I've lost yet! I'm still in the lead.

Show me what you can do then. It's your turn now.

: Fine then... *Draws a card.* Let's see how big and mighty your Celestia is when I sacrifice it to Soul Exchange! Then I'll use that to bring out Blowback Dragon!

: Oh no! Now she'll attack for the win!

: ... Or she would, if Soul Exchange didn't block her from attacking.

: Curse that effect of this card.

My turn then?

: Sure. Whatever...

*Topaz draws his card.*

Waha! Perfect!

: Get what you needed?

That I did! I'll start by playing Lumina, Lightsworn Summoner.

: What do you think you can do with THAT tiny girl? Er, attack power wise, at least.

It's not for attacking, it's for the effect. Speaking of which, I'll discard this card and bring back my Ryko!

*Topaz discards Plaguespreader Zombie into the graveyard and moves Ryko to the battlefield.*

: So? That doesn't get its effect unless it's flipped. You've wasted your Lumina's effect!

Have I? I'll use Plaguespreader's ability and place this card on top of my deck to Special summon it!

: Hah. So you have THREE things for me to destroy. Big deal.

You haven't noticed what I've been doing, have you? Synchro Summon!

: I FORGOT THAT WAS A THING! At least that Zombie's removed from play now, but what are you summoning?

THIS! Michael, the Arch-Lightsworn!

*Topaz synchro summons his powerful card.*

: If Topaz had more life he could destroy Mirai's dragon and win here!

That's right. But for now I'll just attack it and destroy it instead. *Mirai's points go to 1000.* And with that my turn ends.

: Good! Now to-

Wait, my turn isn't over yet!

: *sigh* Lightsworns can get so annoying...

That's right. Michael sends three cards from my deck to the graveyard. And I know that one will be Wulf too!

*Indeed, Wulf is the first revealed card. And another as well, giving Topaz three monsters on the field.*

: How did you know that?

I drew it earlier and put it back with Plaguespreader.

: Curse you and your synergy! I've had enough of it! *Draws card.* Perfect! It's time for your ace to meet mine!

What do you mean?

: You should have banished Blowback when you had the chance. Here comes Overload Fusion! With that I can combine my two Gun Dragons into Gatling Dragon!

*Everyone else gasps.*

: That's right! Now I have the upper hand.

You'll have to make it through all three of my defenders though. Even with your second chance luck isn't in your favor!

: That would be true... If it was up to luck!

What do you mean?

: I can banish Gun Cannon Shot from my Graveyard to treat ALL my coin flips as heads! Well, for one effect but that's all I need!

*Gatling Dragon uses it's ability to destroy all of Topaz's monsters.*

Fortunately I can shuffle my Wulf into my deck and gain 300 life! *topaz's life goes to 1200*.

: That won't be enough! Now... With no traps or monsters I'll surely destroy you! Gatling Dragon, attack for the kill!


*Gatling Dragon makes a cool effect, shooting bullets all over Topaz's field and causing a large amount of dust to fly up.*

: YES! Looks like I won!

Posted by emperortopaz | Yesterday, 8:15 AM | 0 comments
September 14th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-ninth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz and Ririchiyo are continuing to go up the steps of Mount Time. Behind them is a girl with twintails skipping about.*

: Hey! I have a name, you know!

Of course. The narrator was just giving a description of the scene. I'm sure that my readers know that you're Lingyin, who we just looked at last time.

: If not, they should review the past blogs. That way they'll figure out that you're doing a special tribute blog for one of your friends.

: I remember you mentioning something about that. Where is this "friend" of yours?

Oh, he won't be joining us.

: Wait, what kind of tribute blog is this? At least back when you did Charlie he joined us.

And then he got turned into a magical girl monster of the week.

: So? At least then we'd have an interesting battle.

Plus Charlie is a special exception. I mean, we actually had a blog on one of his characters at one point. Though being fair he's not creative and that means over two thirds of his characters.

: That is true, though it was before my time.

That it was. Sadly the MAL version of that blog is ruined due to website issues. For those that would like to read it, I'll suggest reading it at my wiki. Someday I'd like to have all my blogs on that site...

: That's never going to happen. You can barely keep up as it is.

Sadly that is true. Even Charlie forgets that the blogs are on Thursdays.

: Being fair that's sort of a running joke at this point.

: Running jokes aside, isn't it about time to introduce the girl?

Probably. I just hope that I don't get crashed into like last time!

: Specifically by a mecha musume!

: I said I was sorry about that!

: But not on camera...

: Fine then, I'm sorry!

Don't worry, Lingyin. I'm sorry too.

: But you didn't do anything wrong...

Well, let's just say that I'm apologizing in general. For a great deal many things, both for me personally and for terrible things happening this week.

: Don't worry. I'm sure Zettai understands!

One can only hope.

*Suddenly a wormhole opens up and a tall pink-haired girl exits.*

: Hmm? Did I hear something about "Hope"?

You must have good ears to have heard that. But yes, we did mention it.

: He's not an "it", he's a young boy!

: That just seems problematic and confusing. Speaking of being confused, who do you think you are?

: I'm Lightning.

: That sounds like a silly name.

: ...It isn't my birthname. I'd give you that, but I really don't trust you enough. "Lightning" suits me just fine.

Well then, welcome Lightning. I'm Topaz and this is Ririchiyo and Lingyin. We're going up Mount Time to train at the summit.

: I see then. This being Mount Time does make sense for me to appear. I've been traveling in stasis, and I must have gotten lost.

: What's stasis?

: One of the most annoying Magic decks... Wait, no. It means that she was sleeping for a long time.

And be glad that Lightning didn't use terminology that would require readers to look up a glossary.

: I am also here to save the souls of humanity.

: That's good. Topaz's soul needs all the saving that he can have.

: Really? Well then, what can I do for you?

Let me talk about you in my weekly blog!

: Er, what does that mean?

: It means that he'll talk about you for a bit. Maybe have some fanservice or something. Nothing two painful.

: There may also be a battle involved. Maybe.

Probably not.

: Harumph. Well, it seems that the fates have brought me to this location for a reason. If that reason is to be talked about, I won't complain.

That's actually refreshingly helpful.

: I imagine that it helps that she's used to being a L'Cie, and by not doing her focus so she'd become a monster.

: That sounds awful. What happens if she does do it?

: I get frozen in crystal until the next time I get a focus.

: That sounds really stupid.

Like a lot of things in Final Fantasy XIII I imagine...

*Lightning whips out her gunblade and places it near Topaz's neck.*

: I believe that I misheard you. What did you say?

*Topaz gulps* I-I have no strong feelings on the game whatsoever!

: That's what I thought.

*She pulls her weapon away, and Topaz rubs his neck.*

Sheesh. I hope that you won't be doing that the entire blog.

: I cannot make promises.

That's understandable, I guess. Now, let's celebrate this week by saying...

: Wait-Why do you have such a poor picture for me when you have a better one available?

It's become tradition to use that sort of picture for Final Fantasy characters. Especially as a lot of them don't have images on MAL.

: If only there were a Final Fantasy VI manga or something. You'd think that it would be obvious.

Or Final Fantasy IV!

: Whoa, don't get carried away. We don't want them to think of even more fanfic ideas like The After Years...

: All your words don't make sense. Especially the fact that this girl is also called Clair or something.

: Ah, I suppose that to talk about me you'd have to mention my true name.

Yes, or at least the overseas version. In Japan you were called Éclair.

: Sounds delicious.

That's why they didn't want to keep her name.

: Can't you Westerners think of anything else but food? Sheesh...

Mmm... food. Wait, I have a blog to get to! Let's get started now!

Hair: Lightning has somewhat troubling hair. Then again I may be biased against the high-def new fangled games kids are playing these days, and Lightning is one example. Anyway, one of the problems is that she does have pink hair. Nothing wrong with pink hair, but this is one of the cases where too much of the cast has the same color (at least the female cast). There's too many pink haired girls in the cast, as out of the four girls only Fang is an exception. I do suppose that it makes sense for Lightning and Serah to match hair colors due to being sisters, but still. Early art seems to have had Lightning be brown (or silver, but that color was given to Hope), which wouldn't have been too awful. As far as length, Lightning's hair isn't too bad. It's about chest length, though that's because it's resting on her shoulder. Her bangs are fairly basic, with a part on the left and a windswept look. She has some spikes in the front as well, which reminds me of Cloud's hair somewhat (though not as Chocobo-like). That said, while pretty bland I wouldn't say that it's too terrible, but my main problem is that it looks like Lightning's hair is either wet or greasy for some reason. Again that may just be me hating on the 3D graphics, but I'm not a big fan.
Grade: C+

Eyes: Lightning's eyes are officially said to be blue, but there are green aspects in them. The model makes it difficult to tell just looking at her, though it could be because Lightning has somewhat narrow eyes. Not slit-like, but narrow seems to be how a lot of Final Fantasy heroines are designed (ever since Rinoa, though it did skip IX). Nothing too interesting, but there was one thing that does help Lightning in this area. In Lightning Returns she wears sunglasses, in a cutscene no less. They're cool ones, with butterfly-like wings on the end pieces (that's the outer edge of the frame). She also has a lot of glasses adornments in that game as well, so you can customize her to wear glasses. And really, that's a good gameplay mechanic. So, not too interesting but nice glasses.
Grade: B-

Face: I suppose that we have to discuss my problem with 3D graphics here too. Overall I'm not a big fan of the faces in this game, Lightning included. In particular her face is somewhat masculine, though that may be because she's based off Cloud and Squall. She also has a fair-sized nose which is a downside as always. She has it in some 2D appearances as well, including art for Dissidia. Overall not overly bad, but not something I'm a big fan of.
Grade: B-

: So what do you think of the blog so far?

: Not bad, I suppose. I can't say I was expecting that much. It does sound like you really know your things.

Thanks for saying that!

: You must have played the game quite a bit to know all that.


*Topaz looks to the side, trying to hide his ignorance.*

: You DID play my game. Even if it's just the first.

: You know Topaz doesn't have time to play games anymore. He barely has time to watch other people play them. In fact, that's likely how he knows so much about you, Lightning. Right, Topaz?


*Topaz continues to turn away and sweats profusely. He gets smacked on the head by Ririchiyo.*

: TOPAZ! What have we told you about doing girls you're not familiar with.

Sorry about that, I couldn't think of any other better girls to do.

: Well, what other games does he like.

I'm pretty sure the God of War series has even less girls than Final Fantasy...

: Well, there's always that one angel he likes from Magic.

I'm not doing a blog on Avacyn, Riri. Even if it would turn out better than some of the other Innistrad angels. Poor Gisela. And Bruna. And Brisela.

: Wait, I'm lost I think...

: Well, you see the angels got melded together due to eldrich horrors...

: I think that's more confusing than I was to begin with. Maybe we should just drop it...

A fine idea. Then we can get back to Lightning's blog.

: Just one question. How do you know me so well?

Well, I did play-

: Don't say the Theatrhythm Demo, Topaz. That doesn't count.

Certainly not. I was about to say that she's one of my best units in Record Keeper.

: What's that?

: Some dumb phone game or something. And it's not like Topaz really WANTS you to be one of his strongest. Blame the gatcha seeming to favor you for some reason.

Luckily my Faris is strong too.

: I don't mind, but how are you going to figure me out just through that?

It does give a summary of the games. Plus I read about you quite a bit.

: I guess that's enough. Hopefully...

True. Speaking of which, let's get on with the show!

Build: Lightning does surprisingly poorly here. Her height is fine, being a nice and tall 171 cm (though I suppose compared to some of the other Final Fantasy characters that seems short. Even Snow from her game is an even 200 cm). Sadly this is as good as she gets. She's pretty slender, both her body and limbs. She is pretty strong and acrobatic, which is good, but sadly even though she shows off her legs well they aren't too meaty. Lightning also has a navel piercing, if one that's hard to see (and she loses it in XIII-2). Sadly even though she seems to show off her ass a little they didn't give her any animation so it sadly looks flat and unmoving. Her ass is in fact so bland that people have compared it to a pancake and said that she literally had no butt, just that her thighs connect to her back. Obviously this is awful. In general she's not too interesting and very bland, outside of her somewhat-tall height.
Grade: C-

Chest: The fact that Lightning doesn't show off too much does help a little here. Her chest isn't too big, looking about normal for an adult (and Fang, from what I've heard, is more of a chest girl). Some of her garbs in Lightning Returns do show off her cleavage and she has some slight bounce, but it's quite hard to notice from what I've heard (if the people who mentioned it didn't just imagine it). I would also mention that her L'Cie brand is on her left breast above her heart. There is an advertisement which focuses on this mark, but I want to imagine that was unofficial and won't count it (it was from the art director of Deus Ex, another Square Enix franchise).
Grade: B-

Clothes: Lightning does alright here. In the first game she mainly wears an altered Guardian Corps uniform, which includes a white dress and shorts, with accessories like a pauldron, silly boots, blue gloves, a cape, and a couple of belts to carry her sheathes. She seems to have shorts on under it, but it looks a little hard to tell. In XIII-2 Lightning wears a Valkyrie outfit, commonly called a "Knight of Etros". This is a black suit of armor with exposed shoulders and a bit of her thighs too. She also wears a terrible white feathery skirt in back and tall boots. It looks cool, but isn't especially sexy. She also has a more-complete suit of black armor called the "Savior". Most of her upper body is covered, though she has boob-plates which are pretty stupid. Lightning also carries a red shield and has tall boots as well. Of course, the best outfits are Lightning's many garbs in Lightning Returns. These include outfits based on former Final Fantasy characters including Faris, Locke, Cloud, Aeris, and Yuno. She also has a moogle lover outfit with many plush moogles hanging off (at least, I hope they're plush...). There are a lot of different outfits in her garbs as well, many of which are suits of armor, suits in general (which I like), revealing outfits like the succubus-like Nightmare, and beautiful dresses. Overall, while too many garbs to list Lightning gets quite a bit of help from them and gets a good score here.
Grade: B

: I'm still surprised you've found out so much about a girl you didn't know too much about.

Yeah, that sort of thing happens when researching.

: You must be a pretty good friend to work as hard as you have.

: You have no idea...

Personality: Lightning is the type of girl who I want to like more. She has a lot of traits I like, but there's something holding her back. For the good points she is somewhat-masculine and determined, with a somewhat-strong force of personality. Lightning is also somewhat snarky from what I can tell, and is a protective if aloof older sister. In fact, her parents died so she had to raise her sister Serah and go on many journeys to rescue her. After high school Lightning joined the Guardian Corps Bodhum Security Regimen and did quite well it seems. It sounds like she also lashes out at others, blaming the ones responsible for Serah getting captured. She also travels with Hope, meaning the character, and slowly seems to open up. It seems that in Lightning Returns she continues to be cold, due to losing her emotions in the time between the stories (though it's implied that she gave them up herself). Still, she's a cool character and I probably wouldn't mind her (especially if she was in a better game...). Lightning is voiced by Maaya Sakamoto in the Japanese versions and Ali Hillis in the English versions (blame most of the videos I looked at being in English for me mentioning her). Both suit her pretty good, with Maaya probably doing better, but as mentioned I don't know how it sounds in the actual game. Maaya is probably most famous these days for doing Shinobu from the Monogatari series, but other major roles include Ciel from Kuroshitsuji, Makoto from Ghost in the Shell, and strangely enough Aeris (which I imagine makes Dissidia games sorta silly to listen to xD).
Gameplay-wise Lightning is sort of a Red Mage, able to use both physical attacks and magic well. She can use the Commando, Ravager, and Medic classes to start with, meaning she's a physical attacker, magical attacker, or healer (though after a certain point she's able to use the other classes). She has the second-best attack and magic in the game, though this seems to be balanced by her weapons not giving as much stats as other peoples. She also has the second-lowest hit points in the game. Her Full ATB skill, which seems to be the game's equivalent to Limit Breaks maybe, is "Army of One" (or, depending on game, "Legion of One"). It's good in that it hits 11 times it seems, and can be spammed using a certain weapon. She gains more attacks in XIII-2, including Lightning Strike, Focused Bolt, Graviton Mines, and War's Benediction as well as the defensive Ullr's Shield. In addition, her personal Eidolon in the series is Odin which is, surprise surprise, lightning-based damage. As usual it's a mounted guy, but Lightning can ride alongside him.
Sadly, even with the cool older sister side and the nice combat abilities there is a problem with Lightning: her popularity. She's way too popular in general and has way too many cameos. In addition it's hard to say it wasn't intentional to make her overly popular or marketable either; her personality seems very in-line with popular past heroes like Cloud and Squall. She even has a gunblade, though they explain this by saying XIII was about "transformation" so it fits. To be fair she is a female lead, so some popularity is to be given, but she seems to get plastered on everything. She's even one of the three on the icon for Record Keeper, along with Cloud and Tidus (which is a shame as the art style seems to point closer to the SNES era). Lightning also has three games in the series, one of which has her name in it even. Granted she wasn't playable in XIII-2, at least not for a major amount of time, but still. She also had the strongest card in the Triple Triad mobile game (It had two A's, a 9, and a 7), though it got nerfed eventually (one of the A's became a 1). There's probably other things that I'm forgetting, but Lightning seems too manufactured or marketable to really appeal to me.
Grade: B-

Libido: Lightning's libido does seem pretty low. She really doesn't have much time for romance, and is the type of lead that really doesn't show too much interest. She's definitely more interested in the job than relationships. That said, there's still a spark or two. For one, there's a lot of sisterly affection she has for her sister Serah. Lightning really cares for her, even if she doesn't show it early on. Lightning also travels quite a bit with Hope, who is a 14 year old boy (well, it gets complicated due to all the time travel, but imagine him being younger than Lightning). She becomes somewhat like a mother or older sister to the young boy as well. While probably not as good as it seems, on paper that sounds to my liking but I doubt anything actually happens.
Grade: C+

Age: This is, for my purposes, Lightning's best area. That said, it is a little odd. The story starts at Lightning's birthday, and she's turning 21 from 20. Overall not too bad, easily enough to get max points from the get-go. She remains 21 for the majority of the series, which isn't too surprising. Then, due to being incased in crystal before the events in Lightning Returns (the third game) and being sealed for 500 years she's suddenly chronologically 521. That said, it hasn't effected her at all so I can't complain too much. She gets a great score here.
Grade: A+

Total Grades: 64
Average score: 7.1
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for the week!

: Hmmm. I can't tell if I did good or not.

Not too bad, but there have been better. I blame your flat ass and lack of libido.

: Whatever. But now that this "blog" of yours is complete what do you want me to do?

: Ooh! Ooh! You can come with us! I'm sure that Topaz would love more party members!

: He'd appreciate the help, but he'd likely be lazy with giving people good lines.

I have noted that I am quite terrible when it comes to writing. I just have foreshadowing down, and even then it's poor.

: I'm sure your readers still enjoy your blogs quite a bit! At least, when they're not terrible.

: Eh, I'm not too important. I figure that I've done my focus and-GET DOWN!

*Lightning pushes the other three down. Bullets seem to rain down from the side of the staircase above them.*

: What the? Who could be attacking us?

: It must be Futsure! I was wondering when she was going to ambush us!

Wait, does that mean you doomed us all?

: That's why I didn't say it out loud!

: Looks like it doesn't matter, we're still pinned down!

: Well, looks like it's up to me. Paradigm shift: Sentinel!

No, don't do that! You have low health!

: It's alright. I just need to take the heat off you three. Then you three will flank the attacker.

: I'm not sure how good we'll be. I don't have the energy to summon my Stratos, Topaz looks like a weakling, and I'm not sure about the other girl.

: I'm decent, but I'm not sure how well this will work.

: It'll have to work. I'm not letting you give up on your focus, Topaz!

It's just training that I have to do...

: Still though. We'll beat this foe together!

*Lightning runs off, avoiding the rain of bullets.*

Wow, look at her go and avoid all of the attacks.

: Enough feeling wowed by her evasion stat, Topaz. She'll probably not last long, so we should get going!

Good plan.

*Topaz, Riri, and Lingyin sneak up the stairs, trying to be stealthy. They manage to get on the other side of the girl, who is focusing her umbrella fire on Lightning running in a zig-zag fashion. Topaz leaps down*


: Gotcha.

*Before Topaz could attack Mirai grabs her grenade launcher, blasting Topaz in the chest. Fortunately he didn't take much damage, only dealing about 15.*

: TOPAZ! Are you alright?

Yeah. That weapon didn't do as much damage as I expected.

: ... How? *looks puzzled.*

: That doesn't matter! I have you right where I want you!

*Mirai drops the launcher and pulls out her umbrella again. However as she aims it at Topaz a gunblade is thrown at it, knocking it out of Mirai's hands. As the umbrella was open it starts rolling down the mountainside.*

: Oh no! My umbrella!

Thanks Lightning!

*Her voice comes out from the forest.*

: Don't mention it.

You going to come back here?

: No, I am good. You've gotten this far, and I'm not babysitting you against someone so young.

: I'm not that young, it's just that all the other girls in my series are such cows! Disgusting, mamocentric cows!

: I sure know what that's like...

: And as a result I'll be the one to force you to quit blogging!

I don't think that will happen.

: Oh yeah? Let's see what will happen when you talk about me!

You must be underestimating my feelings for you. But indeed, it looks like we'll be looking at the great Mirai next time!

: While I imagine Lightning is going to go find her gunblade. Seriously, I think it rolled all the way down the mountain after hitting the umbrella.
Posted by emperortopaz | Sep 14, 8:08 AM | 0 comments
September 7th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-seventh week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*We begin this week's blog with Topaz and Ririchiyo standing at the foot of a large mountain. There are trees and between them is a path with Torii going up the mountain. Torii being those one Japanese gates.*

Looks like we're here, Ririchiyo!

: That we are. At the poorly-named Mount Time.

Just because it's named like a second-rate SNES RPG is no reason to mock it. We're here to find the reason behind my odd glitching.

: Not that it's a bad thing that you have it. It's only been helpful so far.

Yeah, but I don't want to teleport and suddenly be inside a wall.

: YOU APPEAR IN SOLID ROCK! Wait, no, that would be awful. I'm just glad that Miurasan doesn't have that effect.

As do I. But for now we should travel up this pathway.

*Topaz starts going up the steps.*

: Wait! What if this is all secretly a trap!

I trust Katja enough to not make me fall for a trap.

: It's not Katja that I'm afraid of. People may have known where you were going, and have set up a trap for you. (and I'm glad that your mind didn't go immediately to crossdressers too...)

I don't see how why anyone would know I'm here. If anything they'd be home and we've already fixed the roof. Besides, I'm strong enough to take any com-

*Riri watches as a mecha musume comes out of the forest and overruns Topaz. It grabs him without slowing and goes into the trees on the other end.*

: Oh no! Topaz! Come back here!


*The mecha pulls upward, breaking through the trees as it surpasses the treeline. Topaz takes 10 damage from the various branches he gets hit by. Still, now that his kidnapper is no longer in shadows he can get a good look at her.*

It's YOU!

????: That's right. I may go by the nickname of Shenlong... But I am LINGYIN HUANG!

What are you doing here, Lingyin? Besides-MMPH! kidnapping me?

: Isn't it obvious? I'm going to take you to the Skull Fortress! Once there you'll be tormented by the forces of evil and forced to quit your blog!

N-never! I mean, someday I'll go to the enemy fortress-Wait, Skull Fortress?

: I shouldn't have said that... Too late now, as you won't live long enough with that knowledge!

*Lingyin starts to fly away, but Topaz struggles.*

: H-hey! If you're not careful I'll drop you! And you don't want that, as we're quite far up!

I don't care! I can't stop doing my blog right now, not when I have so many girls to still speak about! And I'll do anything to keep doing them forever!

: T-this is insane! Now quit struggling and let me take you to your final destination!

I'm not Fox and I like items, so that's a big no!

*Somehow Topaz pushes free, sliding down through Lingyin's arms. She reaches for him but isn't successful.*

: W-wait! I didn't want you to die like this! I only wanted you to stop blogs for a bit!

*Topaz thinks to himself: Somehow I didn't think this through too well... There MUST be a way for me to get out of this... Somehow...*

*Topaz continues to fall, but a familiar demonic energy surrounds him. His body starts to transform as well, with shadowy energy covering his demonic parts.*

: W-wha? I was never warned about this.

*He then falls past the treeline, crashing through the branches.*

: T-Topaz? Are you alright?

*Suddenly, from out of the forest comes Topaz in his Mazoku form, flying upward with his bat-like demon wings. He flies up to the point where he is level with Lingyin.*

: What the heck kind of Stratos is that? And you're a guy, so you shouldn't be able to use them anyway!

This isn't a Stratos. This is my Mazoku form!

: Call it what you want. Let's see if your "Mazoku" can beat my "Shenlong"!

Sounds like a battle!


*Lingyin's stratos shoots out various missiles. Topaz is able to duck and weave through them all, taking no damage as they explode harmlessly in the sky. He slowly makes progress towards her and slashes with his demon claw, but Lingyin moves out of the way.*

Looks like this won't be an easy battle. I really should learn aerial combat more, but this is the first time I've had to deal with this.

: Sounds like I have an upper hand then. Take this: STRATOS LASER!

*Lingyin shoots a beam at Topaz, but he dodges quickly. However, Lingyin foresaw this and shot a second laser right where Topaz would evade. It grazes him, but it takes a good amount out of his arm and deals 40 damage.*

Phew, that was close. I just hope that once I return to my previous form I won't have that injury.

: Wa ha ha! Why don't you just give up now? My Shenlong is far superior!

We'll see about that!

*Lingyin grits her teeth and shoots more lasers.*


*Topaz spirals around Lingyin, spinning her around as he searches for blind spots. He slowly approaches her, eventually getting up close.*

Looks like I've got the upper hand this time, Lingyin!

: No way! I'll show you what my Shenlong can do! Then I'll take you back and get my revenge!

I don't think you have as much revenge as you think you do.

: That's for ME to decide!

*Topaz and Lingyin trade blows, each one blocking the others attacks. Their punches and kicks are almost too quick for the eye to see, each one unflinching from the numerous blows.*

: Harumph! At least you're fighting me at full power. Unlike Zettai who pulled me out of the stratos for an unfair battle.

You're not bad yourself. But the longer we keep this up the harder the toll on our bodies. Especially... *Cough* mine. I'll end this right here!

*Topaz rams into Lingyin's torso, his arms around her right shoulder and left hip.*

: This is no time for a hug, Topaz!

This isn't a hug, this will decide the battle! FINISHING MOVE: DEMONIC SEISMIC TOSS!

*With that Topaz's wings flap harder, flying around in a circle a few times. After that he, and his captive Lingyin, go falling to the ground. They crash in the forest, and Lingyin is on bottom. She and Topaz skid enough that the dirt looks bulldozed, and Lingyin lays on a pile of dirt that he dug from the impact. He pants as he gets up, losing his demonic form as Lingyin also recalls her stratos.*

Pant... Pant... That should do it... Wait, you aren't too injured, are you?

*Lingyin shakes her head to readjust herself. She then struggles but is able to get up.*

: Y-yeah. I'm fine. Though I am ashamed of myself that I lost to an idiot like you.

And you look like you changed clothes as well!

: Grrr, that's just because you're lazy with pictures!

That I am...

: There you two are!

*Ririchiyo comes out from between the trees.*

: I've been looking for you, Topaz. *Looks at Lingyin.* And you, what did you think you were doing with Topaz?

: I was planning on taking him away to the villains fortress where he'd be forced to stop doing blogs forever.

Though I'm not sure why.

: Isn't it obvious? It's because you'd never do a blog on me! And even if you did it would be a terrible one!

And why would it be terrible?

: I've seen your blogs on Charlotte and Houki! There's no way you'd like a girl like me...

Nonsense, you were a great girl!

: On the rare occasions when you'd get screentime...

That aside, didn't Zettai like you well enough that he did a blog on you earlier this year?

: I suppose, but does that mean that you'll do a blog on me too?

Of course! With your permission, of course.

: Didn't you not need the permission of villains, Topaz?

Silly Ririchiyo. Does it look like Lingyin is a villain right now? She's as peaceful as can be, and I'm sure that she'll help us on our way.

: Of course! Though I don't know if I'll be much help. Still, I'd love you to talk about me!

That's good to hear! And while you readers may have already read about her earlier this year...

Today's girl is:

Lingyin Huang
Infinite Stratos

: I see. So you introduce the girls yourself.

That I do. Though thinking of Zettai's blog makes me think of something that I wanted to do...

: What's that?

Well, the blog isn't really a punishment for losing so I have another idea...

: Another idea...?

*Topaz slides Lingyin's belly down on his lap. He then pulls down her shorts, revealing her plump loli ass.*

: N-no! Don't show my bare ass to anyone!

Looks like there's a full moon tonight! Now, don't worry as this should only hurt a little!

*Topaz smacks Lingyin's beautiful ass, making her buttflab jiggle. He even rubs it in a circle as he spanks several more times.*

: A-AH! No! Stop!

Do you really want me to stop?

: Well, I am enjoying it a lot. But you have a blog to get to!

I suppose that I do. A shame, but let's get started...

: Commendable that you'd actually remember this time, Topaz.

*Topaz lets Lingyin get up and pull her bottoms up as well.*

Hair: Lingyin has a very cute hair style. She has a pair of cute brown twintails, which are long enough to go past her hips. Fortunately the fact that they're twintails means that most of the time Lingyin shows off her cute ass. She does have her hair down on occasion, but she's more well known for her twintails and I'd say that they suit her very well. Lingyin's hair is also has a good amount of volume, which is something I do enjoy. She also has big yellow ribbons at the base, improving her cuteness further. Lingyin's sides are also pretty long, being about chest-length. Sadly her bangs aren't too interesting, with a fairly large middle bang. She does have a zig-zag woosh-like patch of hair above her right eye, though for some reason I didn't remember it too well before I looked closely. Overall Lingyin doesn't do poorly but having better bangs probably would have helped. Still, her twintails are quite cute.
Grade: B+

Eyes: Lingyin has pretty nice eyes. It's hard for me to tell her eye color as it's a shade I have problems perceiving for whatever reason. Either it's more blue, or more green, I can't tell. Regardless both colors are heavily used in the series, to the point where it becomes overused. Fortunately the rest of Lingyin's eyes, particularly her shape, looks nice. She has a great tarame, with her upper lid seeming to be partially closed. I really like the tarame style of eyes, and Lingyin is no different. As an added bonus, she has particularly sharp corners. And that's corners, as in not only in the main point most girls have them but in the upper lid as well. It wasn't noticed in the series, so it may just be in official artwork. Another thing I've noticed in artwork is that Lingyin has somewhat thick eyebrows, not to say Tsumugi limits but they are certainly noticeable. At least when they aren't hidden within her hair. Overall Lingyin certainly has the shape but the boring coloring does hurt somewhat. If only she could have recovered with glasses...
Grade: B

Face: Lingyin is also very cute. Sadly it is the kind of cuteness that makes her not too different from the other characters. She really doesn't have much to stand out from the others, which does give her a bit of a generic look. Well, being fair Lingyin does have a fang which is something that shouldn't be forgotten. She also has a small nose and some cute expressions, which work well with her. Still, overall she doesn't leave too strong of an impression here. Oh, and for the title, while her smile is cute and perhaps "delicious" it's more a reference to one of Lingyin's character songs.
Grade: B

Build: Lingyin has a pretty great loli body, not one of my favorites but still a good example of what to do. She seems to be 150 cm, which is a problem as Ichika is 170 cm and I like the girls to be taller. She's still a cute size though, and it's better than making her not fit her small frame. Speaking of a small frame Lingyin's measurements are 75/53/78. They aren't too bad, and it is nice that her ass is bigger than her chest. She even has a few good ass shots, though I would hope that it's not just because she's one of the flatter girls in the series. Her waist is also pretty cute, though her legs aren't anything too interesting to talk about. There is a nice image that shows off her navel and butt well, both of which are quite sex. Probably the biggest problem is that Lingyin doesn't get to show off her body as much as the other girls.
Grade: B-

Chest: As mentioned before, Lingyin has a flat 75 cm chest. Overall that wouldn't be too bad on her own, as it looks nice and despite the measurement she does have some curve. Still, she is the smallest in the cast so that means that she gets both moments of mockery and jealousy. It really sucks when they make a girl have that as a "flaw" as it's extremely annoying and only serves to make the bustier girls seem more important. A shame as otherwise Lingyin would have done alright here. Also, unlike some of the other girls I'm not sure if Lingyin had her nipples shown or not. It's hard to tell as she gets so little fanservice in general that I wouldn't think that she would have shown them.
Grade: C

Clothes: Lingyin does really well in this area. While the uniform, which is a white uniform with black and red markings, white belt, and short skirt. Sadly Lingyin doesn't have good legwear, with her socks only going up to her mid-shin, but she does show off her shoulders due to having detached sleeves. Or at least somewhat detached as it looks like some of it is still attached. Fortunately Lingyin does a lot better with her other outfits. Some of them include a cute pink and white sukumizu-like Stratos suit that looks really nice, a few bikinis, a nice wedding dress, a normal sukumizu, a bunny girl, nurse's outfit, a Chinese dress (which is quite fitting), and of course her Shenlong armor which is her Stratos. The Shenlong is pink with black markings and an occasional yellow stripe, and it looks really nice against her pink sukumizu-like outfit. Sadly she didn't wear the cat outfit in the episode where the girls celebrate Ichika's birthday as that probably would have helped. That said, I do like a lot of her outfits (especially ones like the Chinese dress).
Grade: B


*Lingyin's outburst surprises Topaz and Ririchiyo.*

What happened?

: I'm tired of people mocking my flat chest!

I-I didn't mean to do so! I just have to inform my readers properly!

: And being fair, he more disliked you having moments of mockery and jealousy than being flat.

Right. You should be like Laura and proud of your flatness!

: I'll show you how proud I am! I've recovered enough to be able to call my stratos back, while you're still too exhausted to continue! RAAWR!

*Lingyin summons the Shenlong, but after flying upward it starts puttering out.*

: E-EHHH? How can this be out of fuel already?

: Wait, those things run on fuel?!


: I'm not sure either, but regardless I'm falling!

*The Stratos seems to disappear, leaving Lingyin to start falling down.*

I'll catch you!

*Lingyin falls down, and is caught by Topaz. However, she lands ass-first on his face. Fortunately he's uninjured, thanks to how soft and squishy her ass is.*

: Whoops!


: Hey, are you enjoying being sat on? Who do you think you are? Zettai?


: Just think of it as your ass getting back at him for the spankings.

: Uwa-ha-ha! Taste the vengeance of my ass, Topaz!


*Topaz nibbles her ass softly, but that prompts Lingyin to get up.*

: I wasn't being serious! Pervert! Lecher!

: Topaz no ecchi... *rolls eyes.*

Sorry, I guess I went to far.

: W-well, I did enjoy it a little-wait, that's not the point! Just get back to the blog!

With pleasure!

Personality: Lingyin is the second childhood friend that Ichika meets, both chronologically and in the series proper. He defended her from bullies, so she fell for him. Sadly she had to return to China shortly after, but now that she's become the representative of China in the IS school she meets him again. However, she had a lot more competition so this meant she bickered with the other girls (though no more than most of them bicker back). A shame that, while this series does seem to have a childhood friend winner (even if the other girls are more popular) it's at the expense of Lingyin who is also a childhood friend. As far as personality goes, Lingyin is an energetic but not annoyingly-so loli. which works considering she's the smallest girl in the cast. She's also a good cook, which is always good to see (better than the alternative at least). Overall she's not too bad, but what hurts her is the lack of screentime. There's a lot of moments where she seems to get hated on, and even in her introduction episode she had to share focus (while she lacked any exclusive episodes). It got a little better recently, but we'll have to see if there will ever be a Season 3 to have her get an actual episode dedicated to her, which is long overdue. Lingyin's mecha is called Shenlong and she's skilled at both close-quarters and ranged attacks, but what she seems to be most skilled at is partial manifestation. Er, I'm not sure the actual term for it, but basically Lingyin summons just the arm of her Stratos rather than the entire thing. She uses it to block attacks, only creating an arm or so and I like characters that have the ability to partially-transform like this. Lingyin is also voiced by Asami Shimada, who does well giving her a cute loli voice. Even if the other girls have much more well-known voice actresses. Interestingly enough, Lingyin lacks a verbal tic that anime often gives Chinese characters, which is good that they don't give in to that trope. Overall, while not the strongest from the series for my tastes Lingyin is a sweet girl that deserves more love.
Grade: B-

Libido: Lingyin does pretty well here. She is a devoted childhood friend and even had a childhood promise to marry Ichika. Sadly because he's a harem lead and thus has a head denser than diamond he takes her offer to "make food for him every day" literally rather than a promise to get married. Still, Lingyin does a good job of showing interest in him (even if her screentime is lacking. Very lacking.). She doesn't get many moments, but the OVA and picture drama help out. Though I'm not into the whole fantasizing about being in poverty but still being in love. I can see why having someone with you through the difficult times can be enjoyed, but I'd rather have a happier ending. Still, that's just personal preference and in general Lingyin is a pretty good girl in this area. I just wish she'd show herself off a bit more. Oh, and she's one of Cecilia's rivals as Lingyin is in a separate class but is a childhood friend, while Cecilia's poor cooking makes her jealous of Lingyin's skills.
Grade: B-

Age: I don't have any concrete age for Lingyin sadly. She is in the first year of high school, placing her at about 15-16 or so. She does look a little younger than that, but not by much as she is a cute loli.
Grade: B-

Total Grades: 66
Average score: 7.3
Final Grade: B

And that's the blog for the week!

: That's it? I got 8 points lower than I did from Zettai!

: Being fair you do appeal to Zettai a lot more than Topaz.

: Topaz also scored me a load less than any of the other girls from my series as well!

Being fair Houki would probably score a lot worse these days. Especially in the you know where area.

: Not to mention that her measurements are awful as well!

That too. Man, I thought that knowing the measurements would ruin Kotonoha...

: Let's stop talking about horrible girls and get back to climbing this mountain!

That's a good plan!

: Huh, I thought you were going to make a "mountain" joke...

It seemed to easy, but heh heh heh...

: Me and my BIG mouth... *sigh*

: Let's stop making jokes about big things! Now, follow me. The path is back this way.

*Ririchiyo leads Topaz and Lingyin from their landing spot to the stairway. It is still a very long travel to the summit.*

Man, looks like we have quite the trip ahead of us!

: Right, and without flight this will take all week! Though I imagine that Futsure will prepare an ambush at that point...

Exactly! Wait, what?

: I'm not the only one that has it out for you, Topaz. My beef may be minor compared to what you've done to Futsure.

I don't remember doing anything mean to any girls.

: She says that just by liking the series she's from you've done more harm to her than anything you've said.

: Sounds bad, so we should watch out for ambushes!


: W-wait, next week?

: Yeah, Futsure is coming next time.

Is there some type of problem, Riri?

: Yeah. Don't you remember?

*Ririchiyo pulls out a calendar and shows Topaz.*

: See, you have an important event next week!

: Event? Around this time of year? What sort of stupid thing could surpass your plot?

Well, another of my friends is getting married that week.

: So what, you'll be delaying the blog into the week after.

Nonsense. I'll never postpone blogs! I'll postpone the plot, but not the blogs themselves.

: I still don't get what you have to do, then.

Well, in honor of my friend I want to do a female character he really likes.

: I don't see the point in that. He probably doesn't even read the blogs!

Probably not.

: Thank goodness, perhaps.

But I still want to do this for him! Now... Who to do... Ah, I know!

: Come up with someone so quickly?

Of course. And I hope that he likes this electric-named girl...

*Riri looks annoyed.*

: Don't tell me you're doing Sparkycrotch, Topaz. You haven't even seen Failgun!

It's not Sparkycrotch. Though she is annoyingly popular.

: Much like Sparkycrotch.

Right. Only this girl has pink hair!

: Pink hair? Electric name? Over-popular? I can't think of a single anime girl that matches that...

Well, there is a reason for that... But the readers will just have to find out next time!

Posted by emperortopaz | Sep 7, 7:41 AM | 0 comments
August 31st, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-seventh week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone to my blogs! And my house, as well.

: Really we should get that huge hole fixed.

: Did I hear something about-

No, don't finish that thought. It's probably something terrible and masochistic.

: Yeah so? You seemed to like it last week.

I never enjoyed the sort of thing that I did last week. And I hope that this week won't be an imitation of it.

: EH? Did something happen? Perhaps... you can do the same for me?

No. And even if I would you don't have a tail to tease.

: That's right! Though I'm surprised that you didn't end up smacking my plump ass! Wait, no. That wouldn't be mamocentric so you were just following my series, tee hee.

: Oooh, Ooh! Smack my ass too, Topaz!

You stay out of this!

: Yeah, Topaz has enough things to ruin the blog with this week. Though I do suppose that you're still involved.

: Eh? What's this blog thing?

: Topaz talks about you on the internet. In front of (potentially) HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE!

: Hundreds is definitely overplaying Topaz's viewership. If anything he has one person who has seen "Hundred" and that's where that pun ends.

: Still, Topaz will be mocking you and complaining about things.

: I-Is that like public shame? That sounds amazing... Pant pant...

Do I really have to do my blog on her, Riri?

: I don't think you have much of a choice. Sadly.

: That's right, continue to do masochistic and mamocentric girls. Ruin your blogs with such horrible things, and it's all playing into my hands!

What do you mean?

: Isn't it obvious? You've already angered Zettai and I've won! Ah ha ha!

NEVER! I won't let you break up the friendship between me and my best friend!

: It's to late for that, you've already driven a wedge between yourself and him. In no time at all your friendship will be fractured!

I'm sure that our friendship will be fixed in no time! Just because it takes a little effort to maintain is no reason to abandon it all!

: Topaz has abandoned enough things, like all the card games...

I still will play those in blogs though. Which I was hoping to do here, as it would be better than outwardly fighting girls like I've been forced to do.

: Those battles never seem to go well.

At least I'm still alive...

: Welll.....

At the current time!

: I GUESS. But that doesn't mean that you should take a chance.

: Ho ho, like Topaz has a chance against a girl like Darkness! She'll rip a hole right through you with her powerful crusader blade!

: Oh no! She'll attack us with her mount!

That's a cavalier, Ririchiyo.

: Yeah, so? Darkness is a cavalier then and Momo misspoke.

No no. Cavaliers are like paladins and have mounts.

: So they're like Great Knights?

We're not talking Fire Emblem, Momo. We're talking about D&D. And Pathfinder, which is pretty much the same thing.

: Generally. But what do you mean about crusaders?

They're in the Tome of Battle and are a Martial class with divine maneuvers.

: Oh, that book. So they're the Warblades with the awful random recovery for their skills, right?


: I'm not sure what you guys are talking about.

: Me neither. I doubt that Topaz's audience does either, so he's just saying crazy things that are completely meaningless.

We're just discussing the viability of Crusaders as a class. Sorry if it feels like we're insulting you, Darkness.

: Pant... pant... No, feel free to insult me! Call me a female swine! Or dog! Mock me all you want!

Alright. But I don't want to mock on purpose. There's no reason to be as masochistic as you are.

: Just say SOMETHING!

: Sounds like she's approving of your blog, then. Better get started.

: Not if Darkness silences you now. Go! Slice him in half with your sword!

: Wait. Will Topaz mock and insult me in his blog?

: Probably not as much as he did Momo.

Being fair Darkness didn't bring down a series. She just made some of the problems more apparent and was a major pain, but at least she's not outright favored either.

*Darkness sheathes her sword.*

: Well then, I shall put our battle on hold in this case. I am quite curious as to what he has to say.

: Well, you've bought yourself a little bit of time.

Yes, but a shame I have to waste it saying that...

-And talking about her blog as well.

: Don't worry. I'm sure you'll think of some sort of idea that will get you out of this pickle.

One can only hope that I can.

: There is no way that you can beat the might of Darkness. It shall weigh upon you like the horrible friend that you are.

I'm no one's horrible friend! And to prove that I'll start with the blog right now!

Hair: Darkness, which is what I'll be calling her from now on (if you haven't noticed by now), has long blonde hair. Luckily it isn't too annoying, as the series doesn't have too many blonde characters (I can't remember any in the anime at least) and there's no real bias towards her hair color as I can remember. Blond hair also sort of works with sword-users, bringing images of Saberface and a certain centaur to mind. Actually Darkness is kinda similar to Centorea in that both have ponytails as well (another thing befitting sword girls). In particular Darkness has a ponytail with a bun-ring at the base. She also has a few X-shaped hairpins, one on each side of her face and her face is framed nicely with long sides that go past her chin. Her hair is also pretty nice, and while it's usually up in a ponytail her hair still extends past her waist it seems. On the rare occasions when her hair is down, and the even rarer occasions when she shows her ass, her hair fortunately doesn't get in the way. That said, Darkness's somewhat-strong hair is hurt by how drab and bland her bangs are. She has a long bang in the middle, but the rest is quite bland. The manga/LNs look a little better, with her bangs at least having blunt ends (or at least they look less pointed). Darkness also has her hair up in a bun in the bath/hot springs, it's not great but the variety helps a little. Overall while nothing too memorable I do think that Darkness's hair suits her.
Grade: B

Eyes: Darkness's eyes aren't too strong. They're blue, and when mixed with the hair color it creates one of the most overrated combinations in anime. That said, the color is probably the least interesting thing. Darkness has a pretty nice shape, with a straight top most of the time and more of a pentagon-shaped eye. The corners of her eyes are pointed towards her ears, which is quite the nice thing. That said her eyes are rounded a little bit in print works. And speaking of the corners of her eyes Darkness does have pretty long eyelashes. They're in the corner and slightly above, bringing out the shape of her eye but they aren't the best. Darkness also has visible, but not super-thick, eyebrows. Overall her eyes, while having an interesting shape, would pale in comparison to the other girls but Darkness does have a secret weapon. You see, on one of the covers (the 12th volume, to be exact) Darkness wears a pair of gold-framed but bottomless glasses. I don't know what sort of content is in the volume, but having a canon glasses image does appeal to me well.
Grade: B-

Face: As I said back in Megumin's blog, KonoSuba does have a bit of a loose art style when it comes to faces. DEEN seemed to have a lot of fun with all the silly faces. Anyway, on specifically Darkness her face isn't too bad. It's fairly simple, but Darkness seems to have a larger nose on occasion. Not too often, I suppose, but enough to point out. Her face is also somewhat slim, at least as far as the anime goes. Finally, we can't forget about her blushing when she's, er, in one of her "moods". Nothing too interesting, but Darkness also doesn't cause too many problems either. Megumin is still cuter.
Grade: B

Build: Putting aside the obvious next area, Darkness doesn't have that bad of a body. While we lack measurements she does seem taller than the lead Kazuma which is always a good thing for me. According to official images her waist is pretty slender but Darkness is still muscular (not in a bad way though as we don't see much of a difference. I don't think she even has abs which is kinda a shame). Her thighs are also somewhat thick, which is nice, and speaking of thick things her ass is pretty nice too. Not super great or seen as often as Aqua, but we do see her bare ass during the bathe-together sequence in the first season. Darkness even sits down so hard her fat ass ripples from the impact! That said, the next area does damage this immensely...
Grade: B-

Chest: Of course, this is the area that gives Darkness so much trouble. As one of the designated "chest" girls, and the bustiest of the main cast, she gets a lot of mamocentric scenes. It gets annoying in fact, really. I'm not sure if bras exist in the KonoSuba (panties do), but it seems like most of the cast don't wear them if they do. As a result Darkness, who again is very busty, is constantly bouncing and needs a lot of support. She might get some from her armor (heh, "breastplate") but it does contain her bounciness somewhat. Otherwise Darkness is just flopping around and being droopy. She's so mamocentric than when Kazuma is admitting how he sees the girls Darkness is said to be nothing but breasts. Not that his eyes look at them, but that it's her only feature in general. Now, I wouldn't mind being in his place when she was going to wash him with her chest, but the blog isn't about that and I will still point out how mamocentric she is.
Grade: C-

Clothes: It doesn't help that most of Darkness's outfits are mamocentric as well. Fortunately her normal outfit isn't too bad; it consists of a black bodysuit with a suit of orange/white armor over it. It's cool and fits her Crusader class well, but it does get broken quite often (at least they discuss having to fix it). The right shoulderpad looks feather-y as well, and the wrists match the lower orange part of her outfit. Darkness also wears a red bow ribbon around her neck as well. Darkness also has a few other costumes, which include a winter outfit with fur on the collar and wrists, pink pajamas, an unbuttoned moe shirt, a cheerleader outfit and a schoolgirl outfit with vest, a maid outfit, a couple bikinis (including a yellow strapless one with pareo and a too-small white one), and probably some I'm forgetting. Oh, and she also wears a terrible fancy outfit during her return in the second season with a neckline so gaping I'm pretty sure that if she had nipples she'd be showing them. Now, overall this is relatively weak but there are some strong ones I like. One is a black schoolgirl outfit with white handkerchief and pantyhose, and another is more of an office lady also with pantyhose. Still, even with those she doesn't do too well here (it may have helped had she worn them in the anime, but they seem far off).
Grade: C

Personality: Darkness has a somewhat good personality, but it's so hidden under her trait that it's hard to see. She's a Crusader from a rich family, though she hides behind the "Darkness" name to keep her actual (and embarrassing) name from getting out. It also seems that due to her noble upbringing she's quite knowledgeable about laws and some similar things. Darkness is also a devout Eris supporter. She's also relatively kind and has some honor blade qualities. Darkness does have poor aim it seems, as one of her traits is that she can't hit things that well. She still works as a tank, absorbing blows for her party including a deadly (though easily removed) curse from one of the main bosses. Unfortunately that leads into the main problem with her. Darkness is a huge masochist, and the annoying sort as well. It probably should go in the next area, but it's such an obvious problem that it becomes basically everything Darkness is known for is her masochism. It really brings down a character I might have liked, which is a shame.
Darkness does have a good VA. Originally she was going to be voiced by Marina Inoue, but that was only on the drama CD. Instead she's done by Ai Kayano, who is a good if newer VA. Ai does do TDBs well, and while Darkness is more blonde her voice still works well. At least when Darkness isn't being masochistic. All things considered, it isn't one of Ai's strongest roles (she's voiced girls like Utaha from Saekano, Kirika from Symphogear, and Shiro from No Game, to name a few more famous ones) but I still appreciate Darkness's voice. One moment in particular is in the second season when Kazuma blames Darkness's muscles for a herd of animals (I think birds?) from hitting them, and she corrects him that she knows it's her armor instead in such a deadpan fashion. Overall, if it wasn't for having SUCH an annoying and troubling libido Darkness might have been better, but instead her masochism keeps a dark cloud over any hopes of me appreciating her.
Grade: C+

Libido: As mentioned before, Darkness is an extreme masochist. Her libido may be high, but all of it is wasted in the poorly-written masochistic way that confuses "torture", "defeat", and "insults" as sexual pleasure. It's extremely annoying and a terrible aspect of her character (even if it does explain why she's a "tank" class, I suppose). Darkness always takes things poorly and acts submissive far too much. Even in the shared-bathing episode Kazuma has to tell her what to do (granted he thought it was a succubus's dream, but still). As you can probably tell, Darkness's main love interest is Kazuma but he doesn't take her serious. The two may be too concerned with keeping their friendship to actually get involved. Surprisingly there is a moment of Darkness being dominant in the light novels; she attempts to take Kazuma's virginity (and lose hers as well) while he's sleeping, but both her not knowing what to do next and the entrance of Megumin and Aqua seem to have prevented this (though I haven't taken that into account). As a result neither has the courage to admit their feelings. For other characters Darkness does get set up in an arranged marriage, but Kazuma keeps her in the party. Overall Darkness is pretty meh here, and the only thing that can help would be a complete overhaul of her character and personality.
Grade: C

Age: We actually have more information when it comes to Darkness's age! As far as the anime is concerned, she's a nice 18. This puts her as the oldest of the mortals and older than her "love interest" Kazuma who is 17-18. I suppose that's not too much of a difference, but the web novels increase both of their ages. In it, Darkness is 22 and Kazuma is 20. This is a bigger difference and it makes more sense that Kazuma treats her as an older woman. Sadly a decrease in age for the anime/manga does hurt, bringing down Darkness's score a little but she still does strong and this is her strongest area.
Grade: A

Total Grades: 61
Average score: 6.9
Final Grade: B-

And that's the blog for today!

: That's it? How come she got so much higher than I did?

: Obviously this means that Topaz likes Darkness more than he does you, Momo.

That's Darkness the character, and at best it's just that she appeals to me more in different areas.

*Darkness lets out a long, tired sigh.*

: This isn't what I was promised. I wanted Topaz to MOCK ME! Call me names! Pant pant... Just thinking about it makes me hot and bothered!

Slow down. I'm not usually too mean when it comes to characters. I'm a nice, kind person.

: What about me?

You're an exception as you were trying to ruin my blogs.

: Yeah, and it's not like Topaz needs much help!

Exactly-Wait, what?

: Never mind that! As punishment for lying to me I shall defeat you right here! Ready yourself to fall to my blade!

*Darkness pulls out her sword and charges at Topaz. However, a familiar rune appears on the ground under him.*

: Wait! Not yet, Darkness! He seems to be summoning something!

That's right, and I know just the person to deal with a masochist like you two!

: As... entertaining as that sounds I'll have to pass. For betraying my trust I shall cut you in twain!

*Darkness continues her charge, swinging her sword. While Topaz would have been struck as he was unable to move from the summoning ritual, he glitches upward.*

Phew, that was close!

: What sort of black magic is THIS? GET! KILLED! YOU! BLOGGER!

*Darkness continues to attack, but Topaz glitches back and forth, in a random location.*

Blegh, I hope it ends soon myself. I'm getting a little nauseous...

: At least finish the summon before anything comes up!

Don't worry, I'm about ready to finish up!

: You shall not finish while I'm here! Take THIS!

*Darkness attempts to strike, but from out of the shining portal under her comes many red chains. They wrap around her sword from many directions first before the chains bind her up, keeping her from moving.*

: Oh my! No one said that something like this would happen. Ah~ I can't even move now! This is the greatest feeling-pant... pant...

Well, that worked better than I expected.

: Topaz! You're just falling further into the sadistic depravity!

I'm not, as I made sure to summon a girl who would be prouder to take that banner up than I could...

Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 31, 7:54 AM | 0 comments
August 24th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-sixth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone... urrrgh...

: Hey! What's the big deal?

Let's just say that I'm not exactly excited for the next girl I have to talk about.

: What's wrong with me?

: Like you don't know.

: I was being sarcastic, but I'm a delight and I'm sure that many people would love to talk about me-Tee hee.

Those people are fools!

: Like most of MAL it seems at times. But remember the good times, Topaz. Like last week and the week before.

Oh yeah. I suppose that I can explain to people what's happening. Last week we talked to Minna-

: At least NOW you get her name right...

Exactly. I did my blog on the great assy commander AKA Crusher of hope with big juicy "Hope". Zettai also had his fun with her, as well as Takane and Fate.

: The week before he played with Mikan as well!

Right. Anyway, after the blog a horrible villain burst through the ceiling.

: Hey, who is to say that I'm a villain?

: Didn't you announce your plan to destroy Topaz and Zettai's friendship?

Even before that you were the first yearly boss in Zettai's blog.

: Ah yes... Somehow I doubt you'd mind my harem of bathing men if they were shota traps though.

Don't you turn me into a bad person. Even then I'd prefer women.

: Just not Momo the rotten peach, I suppose.

: I take great offense at that! I don't smell at all!

Just because you're fresh-smelling doesn't mean that you don't stink in other ways.

: I'm tired of all this mocking. You should just get to the blog itself.

I'm alright with that, but if you think that the mocking is going to stop you'll be in for a rude awakening. But as she says, it's time to say that...

Today's girl is:

Momo Belia Deviluke

Hair: Momo... is off to a rough start. Her pink hair isn't terrible as it matches her sisters and mothers, but I'm not a big fan of pink hair. With Lala and the others they at least have a good style to pick up some of the slack, making it look much better. In Momo's case, she has a shoulder-length bowl cut. It's a very drab hairstyle and doesn't fit with the exotic color of her hair. She doesn't even cut them straight, which I would have found a bit more respectable. Momo at least has some decoration, a few flowers on the left side of her head. I'll say that her past hair, pre-Darkness, is a little better. In it she has a hairband and a few curls coming off her hair with beads. It's a bit more unique, and the wavy style is cute as well. However, she decides to change it to make her look older which apparently means that she changes it into one of the most boring styles I know. If anything I'd say that she should have grown it out as both Lala and her mother Sephie have long hair, but that probably just would have meant that she'd get a haircut at one point. Overall while I'm not a big fan of the color it's probably the most interesting feature on her current hairstyle.
Grade: C

Eyes: This is probably Momo's strongest feature. I really do like purple eyes and hers are a great color. In addition, as the series goes on she goes from a tarame to a much sharper and eventual tsurime, which is certainly an improvement for me. It's still not incredibly sharp, but I guess I shouldn't be too picky. Also helping Momo is that at one point she wears thick red glasses and I'll never complain about that sort of fanservice. She does quite well, but not stellar or too memorable.
Grade: B

Face: Again Momo isn't too memorable, especially due to how many girls are in the cast and the fact that they don't have much facial differences. Fortunately I do like the art style of the series, which includes small features and a dot nose and a lot of other things I enjoy. Not much to talk about, but she still caters well to my tastes.
Grade: B

Build: Sadly we arrive at the portions where Momo isn't going to be doing as good. First I'd like to talk about her measurements. She seems to be 151 cm and 45 kg, and her three sizes are 78-54-78 which on paper doesn't seem too bad. Even her updated measurements of 80-54-79 isn't that bad, though I'm not sure where her fan club got those measurements (or even how accurate they are). That said, Momo becomes one of the most mamocentric girls in the series (and that takes talent). I suppose that it's due to her obnoxious screentime, but I'll get to that later. This is for her other body parts, after all, as rare as their moments may be. Anyway, every once in a blue moon when Momo gets a shot of her peachy ass it does look pretty round and good. Momo also has nice thighs as well. Oh, and like the other Deviluke princesses Momo has a black demon tail that's really sensitive. Overall it's not TOO bad, but her body suffers mostly due to the next area...
Grade: C+

Chest: As said in the prior area, Momo is more known for her chest than anything else. Her breasts are over focused, to the point where she's showing them off almost every chapter to the point of being boring. Not that they were necessarily that great to begin with either though, but especially in Darkness this becomes a problem. Oddly enough as you may have seen from the measurements Momo isn't exactly a busty girl. I mean, she is a little short but even taking that into account there is no reason to make her as busty as they do. Except for idiots, I suppose, but let's not call Xebecrap names-oops. Oh well. Speaking of Xebec, as they did the anime they did show nipples at least in the DVD releases as otherwise horrible light censorship occurs and makes the series pretty much unwatchable. At least the nipples are small, which helps but doesn't help with her situation of being far too praised for doing nothing. Not only that, but in general Momo's chest looks pretty meh. She seems to lack a certain roundness or girth that other characters (such as Lala or Yui) seem to have, while not having the flat appeal that Nana or Mikan have either. In general Momo is stuck in a place where no one should find her chest that attractive, yet idiots continue to praise her just due to how often she shows off her chest and seem to believe that she can do no wrong. Overall while Momo does show off and has alright breasts, the amount of situations and unworthy praise just makes me facepalm and shake my head as to why she's one of the more popular characters (not just here but in general).
Grade: D

Clothes: Momo does pick it up a little bit here, at least as far as variety goes. Her original outfit was cool, which consists of a green and black dress with matching striped thighhighs. Sadly this is just in the original series as in Darkness she tends to wear the school uniform. This consists of a white shirt with a yellow vest and green bow tie and a green skirt. Momo does spice it up somewhat with her thighhighs, but it is one of the more dull uniforms I've seen. Fortunately she has a lot of costumes as well. This includes a sukumizu a gym uniform with blue buruma, yukata, a nurse's outfit, maid clothes, a goth loli outfit, quite a lot of bikinis, naked ribbon, naked apron though sadly not showing the right side, and a Santa girl. She also wears idol outfits in that one phone idol game, but sadly it didn't do well so there's not a wiki like there is for the Nisekoi game. Anyway, while not great (and likely more than a little mamocentric) Momo does alright here.
Grade: B

Personality: First for a little background, Momo is introduced as Lala's little sister and she starts by hijacking her Dragon Quest-like game. How appropriate as she also ended up hijacking the series away from her sister, stealing the focus and getting way too much undeserved screentime. Ahem, I shouldn't start cursing her yet as I have plenty of time for that. Anyway Momo also has plant abilities, meaning that she can use her phone-like invention to summon them. This is how she fights, even if TLR isn't that kind of shounen series and those moments are rare. Aki Toyosaki also does a good job voicing her, even if it's not a good role otherwise. Overall she may not have been that bad, but come Darkness she becomes a lot more annoying. The author tries to force her into every chapter, even when she wouldn't belong, and he pushed aside the former leads Lala and Haruna to do so. People also praise the fact that she's the driving force behind the harem plan, but in reality she does very little besides notice girls that have already shown some interest in Rito and acknowledge their crush on him. To herself, as it would be too easy if she told Rito about all the girls that are in love with him. Even working with Lala, who was the original one to think of the harem plan, would have been better than Momo trying by herself. Instead she continually forces him to be in the lead, even using mind-altering drugs to do so (because that's exactly what every relationship needs to be built on). Overall I think she has a persona that tries to act sweet and kind, but she's got a hidden side. This side is either a playful sadist (early on) or, far more likely, a terrible masochistic horndog. I suppose that some of this could be in the next area, but the series seems to think that this is the only aspect of Momo that's interesting. Though I guess to be fair she is bland otherwise, but that's just because they never really expanded on her character and now that the series is over (for now) it's not like we'll get any sort of resolution.
Grade: D+

Libido: This is another area where Momo is complicated. On one hand, she is the "driving force" to get a harem for Rito, meaning that she's both alright with him doing naughty things and will share him. Er, I suppose at least sometimes as there are times when Momo interrupts her own plans to keep the plot from going further because this series has a large problem with filler. She also starts out like a sadist as well, but it quickly went off the rails and Momo became completely masochistic. It's a shame as there's too few femdom character and too many femsub ones, but femsub is the order of the day when it comes to this series (or, specifically, Darkness). Momo is really the poster girl for all the problems that TLR and Darkness have, both with the mamocentric issues and being a horrible femsub. I suppose she had a handful of somewhat-sadistic moments, but they were few and her masochistic moments far overtake them in number. If only she had been able to convince the girls to be dominant with Rito the manga could have been solved properly and much quicker. Instead she decided that the better solution is to push what seems to be the densest material known to man into being dominant himself. And I won't talk about the last episode of the first Darkness series for long either, but it stands to be one of the worst season finales I've seen with nothing getting resolved and there being a large chunk of the episode dedicated to a fantasy of Momo's fan club improperly using ice cream in ways I dare not repeat. In general, I'm probably being a little too generous with Momo's acceptance of perversion as there's a LOT that it has to balance out.
Grade: C-

Age: Momo seems to be 14, which isn't too great for her. Her birthday seems to be August 8th so it's a shame sharing a birthmonth with her, and unlike Mikan a few weeks back Momo doesn't age. Not much else to talk about here, sadly (or perhaps fortunately, in Momo's case).
Grade: C

Total Grades: 49
Average score: 5.4
Final Grade: C


What are you so angry about?

: I thought that you'd at least like me more than Zettai does! After all, you're a mamocentric idiot!

Not after all my training. I'm immune to your stupid feminine wiles!

: Even with my half-Charmian powers?

You know you don't have those in canon...

: Unlike your mother, and Zettai loves her charming ass!

: Don't bring up my mother in a situation like this!

You're right, it would be rude to your whole family to be spoken of in the same blog as you.

: Even including your own twin.

Especially your poor innocent twin who gets far too much hate.

: Too bad for you as you've already mentioned them then!

Fair. But only to compare how much better they are to you. Now, how about I request you to leave?

: Do you really expect me to just up and leave without a fight?

: We were hoping, but I guess that we can't let the readers down.

Right. We can't have the entire blog be boring.

: Oh? I'm sure that I could allow for some interest... Ufufu <3.

*Momo starts rubbing against Topaz in a mamocentric fashion, but fortunately he seems unaffected.*

Would you please stop that?

: Don't worry, you don't have to hide the love you have for me. And by that I mean for my big teen boobies! I can tell that you want fanservice for yourself, and that writing all that pandering Tauros manure for your friend is just bringing down your blog .

No! I want to write that kind of thing! It's sometimes the only thing that will cheer him up!

: Then just leave him depressed, he'll get over it eventually.

As a good friend I want to make him happy as quickly as possible, and I seriously don't mind helping him out!

: Grrr, you're incredibly dense and annoying. Well, I didn't want to have to go this far but I'll force a "pie-zuri" you love so much on you if I have to! Hah, I'm lying. I wanted to do this to you as I know how much it'll bother that idiot Zettai. Now, let's have this friendship be ruined!


*Momo starts to unbutton her top, but before she can completely remove it a scythe hits her and flings Momo across the room. She hits the wall but gets up.*

: W-what-YOU!

*Ririchiyo seems to have taken her demon form. She's holding her scythe and tightens her grip on it in anger.*

: You won't be abusing Topaz while I'm here to be his assistant!

: I should have known you'd get in my way. You're just jealous of my jugs that a flatty like you can't compare to.

: Jealous? Of those horrible parasites that only attract idiots? If anything score wise it shows that Topaz prefers MY wonderful body over yours!

: Grrr. You know that my score was horribly biased!

: Same here! He was still mamocentric while he did mine and likely would score me even better!



*Ririchiyo blushes, even if her picture doesn't change.*

: Now, if you still want to get to Topaz you'll have to get through ME.

: That shouldn't be a problem. If anything this will make it even better as without you Topaz will be more willing to do the dirty deeds with me!

Dirty deeds?

: Don't mock my phrasing! Anyway, I have a perfect way to take care of a foolish insect like you... Dazuul Seeds!

*Momo tosses a couple of seeds at Ririchiyo, who guards and they fall to the ground.*

: I'm not sure what help throwing seeds at me will do, as they barely did any damage.

Quick Riri, MOVE!

: Huh? WHAT?

*Suddenly the seeds grow into plants, the vines wrapping around Ririchiyo's body. They not only bind her but drain her demon energy to return her to her normal form.*


: That's what you get for trying to stop me. Now there's nothing that can prevent me from taking Topaz for myself! And it'll be even more tasty as I'll be doing it RIGHT IN FRONT OF RIRICHIYO!


*Vines wrap around Ririchiyo's mouth, gagging her.*

Ririchiyo! I'll help!

*Topaz tries to pass Momo to help Riri out, but Momo pushes him back.*

: Now now, I can't just let you save your friend now can I?

You fiend!

: Well, I am a Deviluke... wait, I already used that joke. But then again you weren't there then so you should be laughing.

I'll be the one laughing when I summon a girl to defeat you!

: Ah yes. I figured that you'd fight back. That's why Specs instructed me to bring THIS!

*Momo pulls out a cylinder-jar with a slimy inside.*

Don't tell me that you're going to use that to strip yourself!

: CAN I? Wait, no. That's not what this is.

Then what is it?

: Why don't you attempt it for yourself?

I'll do just that-Wait...

: Ufufu, something the matter Topaz? Like say, being unable to summon?

That's exactly... How did you do that?

: This substance is an epic obstacle called a Flux Slime. Fortunately it doesn't eat through the canister it's in, but it does still expel a powerful anti-magic zone. Enough to, say, negate your summons!

That explains why you weren't affected by my Imprint ability. Not that it's as important as it once was thanks to my fame.

: Precisely! And your silly demon form won't even be able to save you either!

Wait, then why do are your plants unaffected?

: Instantaneous conjuration isn't affected.

Fair point. Though sadly that most of my readers will still be confused. Basically if the spell has an instantaneous duration, the created object or creature is merely assembled through magic. It lasts indefinitely and does not depend on magic for its existence. Her plants were teleported here but are otherwise unmagical.

: I do have plenty of plants who have truly magical effects, and I'm sure I'll show them to you later.

That sounds dangerous! But there's no way I'll let you get away with this!

: Not even your imprint ability will be of use! Face it, I've gotten you beat! Now, just lay back and count ceiling tiles or something as I destroy your friendship with Zettai and your relationship with Ririchiyo!

*Momo leaps at Topaz, but he is able to dive out of the way. She falls against a chair and breaks it.*

: Stay still! This must be why you don't get any women, you're running away from them!

I wouldn't want a woman like you anyway!

*Momo continues to try and capture Topaz, but he repeatably slips out of her grasp.*

: Stop it with this! Or maybe you're the one that wants to capture me? Ufufu, I've been going about this all wrong. Don't worry, I'll be the perfect submissive dream for you <3.

*Momo lays on her back with her arms up, batting at Topaz like an animal.*

: Come on over and take me, like all true men should! Prove your dominance by spraying your "masculinity" all over my submissive body! AH! It turns me on just thinking about it!

*She squirms while rubbing her crotch.*

Hey! That sort of thing isn't allowed here either!

: I should have known you weren't macho enough to dominate me! Fine then, I'll make you mine through force!

*Momo surprises Topaz with this, and manages to pin him down.*

: There, now let's show the world the love you have for me!

N-NEVER! You'll never have your way!

: It looks like you're out of options, so just accept it!

*As Momo is speaking Topaz notices her tail swinging behind her. This gives Topaz an idea and he grabs the villainess's tail.*

: HEY! That's m-mine-AH!

*Topaz starts to tease Momo's tail as it is overly sensitive. As he rubs it her grip becomes weaker and weaker, until he's able to get out from under her.*

: AH AH! I should have known-AH! ALL men are sadistic, and like a good woman I'll just-AH-take it!

That's not true. I'm really disliking teasing you like this, but if it's something I have to do.

: AH AH! It's even better that I've forced you into this! AH! If only Rito was this dominant, but that's only when he's asleep...

*Momo starts rubbing her crotch with both hands, while Topaz keeps rubbing her tail as he approaches her bent over figure. Surprisingly her round ass is shaking up in the air as her tail wags further.*


*She has an over-the-top face showing her ecstasy, though not in the hentai-face Ahegao way.*

: Pant.. I should have expected you to be so dominant. Now, I'll reward the favor.

No need. I got what I wanted.

: You mean you wanted to see me orgasm? Not that I'm surprised, but it is odd-

No, I mean THIS!

*Topaz holds up the Flux Slime.*

: How did you manage to get-Wait, this was all a ruse to have me put it down, wasn't it?

Exactly. And from the looks of it this button on the bottom here will return it to wherever you got it.

*Topaz clicks it, and the Flux Slime teleports in a black-hole like fashion that disappears soon after.*

And now that you have no power over me I'll be able to summon without any problem.

: Pant... Not if I do it first!

*With that Momo throws out a familiar-looking card.*

Oh no! Now she'll probably summon some sort of video game creature!

: I'm not like those silly PreCures you've fought before. I'll be summoning a being that symbolizes true Darkness!

Darkness as in shadows or-

: What I mean is that she symbolizes the true power of my series!

Of course-Wait, I hope that doesn't mean that you'll summon Yami!

: While that assassin would be a good idea, she's not nearly what symbolizes my series.

What do you mean?

: FEMSUB! MAMOCENTRICISM! These are the things that truly make my show what it is! And as a result I'll summon a powerful warrior that has those in spades!

*The card starts to have purple magical lightning bolts shock all through the room as energy converges into it. A shadowy woman starts to appear through he floor, rising up out of it. As she gets about halfway through the shadows start to fade at the top, causing a cool effect that I sadly cannot describe well. Anyway, what appears is a blond woman in a suit of armor.*

: I ask of you, art thou my master?

: Yes, powerful knight! You are at my beck and call!

*Darkness comes close to Momo, grabbing her arms.*

: Really? I was not expecting someone to admit to being mine master, but hearing that you will now own me... pant pant...

Calm down. She just means that she'll be commanding you in battle next.

: Oh, is battle all?

*She unsheathes her sword.*

: Thou have made a powerful enemy then, young man. Take THIS!

*Darkness slashes her sword, but completely misses Topaz. Not only that, but she somehow cuts Ririchiyo free.*

: FINALLY! I was hoping someone would take be down.

Sorry. I got busy.

: Oh, I saw just how "busy" you were getting!

*Topaz gets on his hands and knees.*

I apologize, Ririchiyo! Do know that I only did it to have her drop her guard!

: *Sigh* I guess I understand.

: Wait, so these plants were... pant... TYING YOU UP? Pant Pant...

*Darkness starts rubbing the vines against her face, but they crumble into dust.*

: Stop being distracted and defeat Topaz!

I think that one masochist this week was enough.

: You're right. Why don't you talk about Darkness next time then?

Crapfungus.... Well, I guess I walked into THAT. A shame we'll be doing two terrible girls in a row.

: Think of it this way. At least you'll be done with them and will never have to think about them ever again.

Good thinking. Though I apologize to my readers for the terrible news.
Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 24, 7:54 AM | 0 comments
August 17th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-fifth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone. Last week was Zettai's birthday special where we talked about Mikan from To-LOVE Ru. He was then carried off by many assy girls and had a good time between blogs.

: At least, we can hope as much.

Fair. However, one of the assy girls remained as I wanted to do this week's blog on her. Isn't that right, Minne?

: Huh, are you talking to me? Because that is NOT my name!

: You used the wrong name again, Topaz! You even said that you would try not to do that this week.

Sorry about that, Minna. My apologies as I am bad with names.

: Do not worry. I understand. So is the blog going to begin or...

Of course. I just haven't been able to ask if it was possible to do a blog on you this week.

: If it wasn't, would I have stuck around this long?

: She's got a point there, Topaz.

Yes, but I wanted to make sure.

: Then I shall give my permission. Go ahead and start my blog, soldier!

I haven't been called "Soldier" before, but I'll get right on with the blog. And since this commander allows it...

*Topaz is slapped upside the head by Ririchiyo.*

Hey, what was that for?

: Look at what you just did!

What do you mean? OH! Sorry Minna, I must have had a typo there.

: I understand that it was not intentional, so do it again.

With pleasure! Once again, with feeling...

: Better.

Sorry again for having such dumb and simple mistakes.

: Do not worry. I shall teach you a lesson that will ensure that you remember my name.

: Don't say that you're going to facesit him until he understands!

That sounds like a great teacherly moment!

: What? Doing something like that won't help you remember. Instead I'll just torment you with my fat ass each time!

I'd rather not. That sounds like I'm stealing you away from Zettai.

: Well then, luckily we have this Zettai prepared before hand!

*Minna opens up a curtain and exposes Zettai all tied up. Fate and Takane are beside him, looking proud and showing off their fat asses in sexy outfits.*


: You know, I was wondering why there was a curtain in the middle of the room and not on the window like it should have been.

: That's right! We're back to play with Zettai some more!

: And he's all tied up so he won't be able to endure us for long!

As long as you three don't do anything too sexual I'm fine with that.

: It will be very sexy but we'll go into a tool shed for that. The cameras won't follow us.

Phew, that's a relief.

: Not as much a relief as after I let one rip without shame!


: Yes, our "booties" are indeed quite "full". Of gas, to be specific!

: You don't have to be THAT specific...

Well, since Zettai's health is at stake I'd better not make many mistakes when I do Minna's blog! Let's begin!

Hair: Minna has pretty good hair. It's color, while not one of my favorites, looks nice. It is a dark red color, but it looks nice and I find it to be a pretty color (the fact that it looks somewhat reddish-brown helps as well). Minna's hair also goes past her shoulders, with the hair behind her ears resting on her shoulder. It does disguise her sides, which when seen you notice that she doesn't have hair in front of her ears (towards her face, I mean). I do like how Minna's hair is usually free and straight as well. Unfortunately Minna's bangs do hurt her some. Her bangs are parted and have a single thin strand coming down over her left eye. It does fit her and she looks beautiful, but I'm not too fond of seeing that much forehead. Occasionally Minna also wears a cute military hat as well. Finally, like all other Strike Witches Minna gains animal ears/tail in combat form. For Minna that means that she has wolf ears which are quite nice.
Grade: B+

Eyes: Minna also has great eyes. Her eye color matches her hair, though it does seem somewhat more red. Nothing wrong with that, as it is a darker red so I don't mind. Minna has a slight tarame to her eye shape, which does fit, but it's more that her eyes come to a point near the inner point and the rest is more of a straight line. She also has strong corners, which I've been pointing out more and more as they are quite sexy. Minna also has nice round and shiny pupils that fit with the art style well. Overall she does well, but it would help if she had glasses.
Grade: B

Face: Likewise the art style helps here. Minna has a nice soft and simple face, the kind that I really like. She has small features, including her nose which while not a dot is still small. As said in hair she does show more forehead than I would like, but again she looks quite good. Minne also has a acorn-shaped head, and her gentle expressions show both her superiority to her privates and a certain amount of motherness as well.
Grade: A-

: TOPAZ! You did it again!

Ehhh? What did I do this time?

: You called her "Minne".

Oh man, I didn't even notice that! I'm very sorry!

: Zettai should be the one that you should be sorry to, as he's about to experience horrible torture!


*Minna and Takane pick up Zettai and take him out to the shed. They close the door behind them.*

Zettai: N-NOOO!

: You heard your friend call me the wrong name, so take your torment!

: And by torment we mean DOUBLE BUTTJOB!


*Lots of bare ass slapping is heard inside. Eventually...


-Both Takane and Minna let out huge farts, shaking the entire shed. Minna eventually comes out and returns to the living room where Topaz, Ririchiyo, and Fate are.*

Where's Takane and Zettai?

: Well, let's just say that Zettai had some cleaning to do...

: Hopefully he's still conscious after a dangerous "combination attack" like that.

: Don't worry. Your magic will make sure that he's awake the whole time.

: Phew. I was afraid that it wouldn't work.

This all sounds so complicated!

: I know. And it looks like you've missed out on the Flower Box too!

Curses! Well, I suppose that I should go back to the blog then.

: With haste, as I am looking forward to hearing what you will say about my big ass that I'm so proud of.

*Minna's ass gets zoomed in with the camera, and she smacks her red panty-wearing ass. Her ass jiggles and she even massages it with her hands, bouncing her assflab even further.*


: Don't get distracted, Topaz! That's how you make mistakes!

A-alright then! Let's continue on with the blog!

Build: Before we get to the main attraction, we should talk about the rest of Minna's body. According to the wiki she's 165 cm, which isn't too bad and she's one of the taller girls as well(this puts her slightly shorter than Charlotte who is 167 and tied with Mio). Minna also has a very nice waist and some nice legs, including her feet thanks to a pillow that shows them. I also noticed her fingernails in quite a few official images, including one where they're painted red (though I don't think they get painted in the main series).
Of course, you're not here to listen to me talk about Minna's height, legs, or nails. No, you want me to talk about her ASS. And man, she has a wonderful ass. She even gets a close up shot and uses it to destroy a Neuroi (which is the enemy in the Strike Witches universe). It was certainly envious to any lover of asses. However, I wouldn't be impressed with just that. I was hoping she would have some other in-series scenes, something more than just that one particular nice moment in the second season. And you know what? She does have a fair amount of ass service. I mean, I didn't watch the entire series again watching for Minna to show her ass (I just looked at official art and screencaps and such) but she does have other nice ass-showing scenes. Of particular note is an early art that shows her bathing and with her back turned and her bare naked ass in full view it seems that was the focus of the image. She also has a moment where she seems to squeeze her ass which is nice (and I don't mean the Neuroi moment either). Overall, while Minna could use more scenes the ones that she got were pretty nice. Oh, and we can't forget about her wolf tail in combat form as well!
Grade: A

Chest: Sadly just because Minna is an ass girl doesn't mean that her chest isn't shown off. She is fairly busty, with the series bust chart showing that she's the third largest chest in the cast. Why they'd waste an assy show like Strike Witches with a bust chart is something no one knows (if anything it would have been nice to have an ass chart partnered up with it as Minna would probably be in first). Anyway, there are some troubling moments and pieces of official art. I will say that it helps that Minna has small nipples, and fortunately unlike with Charlotte and a few other examples Minna isn't forced into the mamocentric spotlight too often.
Grade: B

Clothes: I do like Minna's wardrobe, and I'm not just saying that for the basic outfit either. Not that I dislike her military outfit though, I like the long-sleeved slightly-green pocketed shirt and the fact that she doesn't wear pants certainly improves it as well. The black ribbon at the neck is cute too. Oh, and Minna wears red panties, which makes it seem like she's going around in red buruma. She does seem to wear a white bikini in the series as well, during the two beach episodes (the first seasons she seems to wear her jacket too, even if it is open). Official art is mainly where her appeal comes from though. This includes a red cocktail dress with a black rose, a black Chinese dress, a Fuso uniform meaning a sukumizu and sailor top, black underwear as well as a red and black version (plus a different red and black version with a wolf), a tennis outfit, an Arabian-inspired outfit, a miko-ish New Years outfit I think, a witch, a mermaid, another bikini though with an assy tanline, a bunnygirl, a fairy with a book and wand, and a wedding dress. I suppose that the card game helps with many official images coming from that, but either way Minne is a real star here!
Grade: A

: Topaz, you did it again!

Did what again-Wait, did I call her "Minne"? Shoot. I was doing so well too...

: You don't seem broken up about it. But I guess we'll have to teach you a lesson by torturing your friend some more!

*Topaz speaks in monotone.* Wait now, stop.

: It's too late for that. You have made a mistake and now your friend must suffer!

*Fate and Minna walk to the shed and open it up. Once inside they close the door behind them.*

: Wait, did Topaz make another mistake?

: He most certainly did.

: So I bet that Zettai knows what time it is...

*Zettai lets out a muffled whimper.*

: That's right-FACESITTING!

*The three girls make noises as if they're pressing against their fat asses, each trying to fit on Zettai's head. It is difficult and there's a lot of jiggly cheeks which tortures Zettai further, but the three eventually fit.*

: Alright girls, time to give Zettai his life-saving "air"!


*Takane, Minna, and Fate all let out a fart that makes the small shed shake. In fact some of the shingles from the roof fall off, indicating the level of stench that now fills the small shed. Minna comes out alone once again and returns to Topaz and Ririchiyo.*

: Well, that takes care of that.

Looks like Fate had to stay behind this time too.

: She just wants to have some fun with him.

Nothing wrong with that. He deserves to play with all the assy girls he can.

: Wait! Speaking of girls playing with Zettai whatever happened to Mikan?

You expect this blog to have consistency like that?

: No, but I'd at least expect you to not be lazy and explain it.

Too much work!

: If I may be of assistance-

You may be of assy-stance, yes.

*Riri smacks him for that poor joke.*

: *Ahem* Anyway, I had Mikan patrol around in case there's any villains sneaking about.

Do you think that there's villains?

: We're only two weeks into the month. There's no way that they'd attack this soon.

Shhh, don't let the readers know we've cracked the code already.

: Code?

N-never mind. Let's just get back to the blog.

: Yes, please.

: Maybe Topaz won't make a mistake this time!

Personality: Minna is a cool girl, almost being TDB (though her hair isn't quite as dark and she's not overly aloof). She's a good commander, both proving herself to be capable in combat by destroying over 200 Neuroi (even if she reached a slump at one point) as well as being a good commander. Minna is even among the top seven Witches as far as kill-count goes. She thinks of the subordinatesquite a bit, almost in a motherly or older-sister like fashion and is the "good cop" compared to the more strict Mio. That doesn't mean that Minna isn't strict, she does like rules and feels lost without them. Minna is also a talented singer, as her family seems to have produced many musicians, and she wants to become a singer herself once the war is over. Speaking of her voice, Minna is voiced by Rie Tanaka who does a great job with her. She has a lot of popular roles like Suigintou from Rozen Maiden and Maria from Hayate, as well as Lacus from Gundam Seed. She also likes food and drink with a strong taste (fitting as she's from Karlsland, which is Germany to us). Minna has a very powerful magical ability as well, which is called "Three Dimensional Space Understanding Ability"; it gives her the ability to perceive everything around her and the status of those targets. She can even find her way back without landmarks and notices small details in others. Overall Minna a really great girl, but she's a secondary character and thus doesn't show up as often as I would like.
Grade: B

Libido: Minna has a somewhat strong libido, even if it isn't shown in the anime proper. Part of her backstory is that she had a relationship with a man named "Kurt". Eventually he died in the war, which inspired Minna to join the military. He was also like an older brother to her, which is inspiring but doesn't earn extra points from me (I would have liked it more if she was with someone younger). As far as current relationships go, Minna isn't too strong. She is often paired with the fellow commander Mio, but it's not said outright. What is shown is that Mio does give Minna a yuri kiss while drunk, leaving the unsuspecting wolf girl resting against another girl while the other girls chased after the running Mio. In the non-canon "What-If" short paragraphs the author wrote for a few years in the future it seems that Mio shows up at Minna's place in the middle of the night. I suppose that's just coincidence, but still. Other than Mio though Minna doesn't show too much libido.
Grade: B-

Age: Minna starts out at 18 during the first season, and then she's 19 in the second season. To be precise the data we have from her is that she was born on March 11th in 1926 (you have to realize that the series is set during WWII, with many of the characters based on real-life counterparts). Her age is really good, though I might have liked it if she was a little bit older. That said, Witches do lose their powers at 20 so it's probably for the best that she's not that old.
Grade: A

Total Grades: 83
Average score: 9.2
Final Grade: B+

Looks like that's the blog for this week! And I was able to get through this portion without making a mistake as well. What do you think, Minne?

*Minna sighs as Ririchiyo facepalms.*

: You were so close to doing a good job, Topaz.

I-I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me!

: At this rate we won't get a flower item at all. We'll barely get a coin!

: Maybe the fact that it wasn't in front of you made you underestimate the torture we were putting Zettai through. I'll call them to bring him in.

*Minna goes out to the shed. Fate and Takane follow her out and back into the house.*

Wait, where's Zettai?

: Right here!

*Fate holds up a small shrunken doll-sized version of Zettai.*

: I made him tiny with my magic!

: And because of all your mistakes I'll d-do the "neuroi method" to him!

No! Anything but that!

: He won't die from it.

Oh, that's a relief.

: But he'll still experience it. Hand him to me!

*Fate hands Minna the small Zettai, and she places it inside her panties.*

: Well, here goes. One... Two.. THREE!

*Minna squeezes her cheeks tight, crushing Zettai with her gigantic ass. She also smacks her ass, bouncing her fat cheeks further against his body.*

: O-OH! This is surprisingly exciting-AH AH! IT FEELS GOOD! AHHH!


*Minna lets out another fart, though fortunately for Riri and Topaz and others Zettai sniffs it quickly so that her visible gases don't bother them.*

: No fair, I want to gas out tiny Zettai as well!

: As do I!

*The two girls press their asses against Zettai's body and press tightly. He's squirming quite a bit at the three massive asses squeezing him tightly. However, before Fate and Takane can fart Mikan bursts in.*


: Wait, you aren't Hanayo...

: Alright, you can join in. But only because Topaz messed up.

: I'm afraid that we have something more important than assy fanservice!

: I doubt it, but what's wrong?

: The evil Momo is coming and going to try and take my precious Oniisama away!

: That fiend! I always knew she'd be back some day!

: I just don't understand how I was able to make it here first though...

???: MWAHAHAH! Haven't you heard about making an entrance?

*The girls and Topaz all look around, but the villain breaks through the ceiling. She then stands up dramatically.*

: Oh ho ho! Looks like I've dropped in on a little party here!

Holy Glasses! The ceiling!

: I know! Why do villains think that destroying the house is such a good idea?

: It's to show how evil we are, I'm guessing. But enough of that, I still have to continue with my plan.

: You'll never take Oniisama from us!

: Indeed, we'll protect him with our lives!

: Girls, run away so that we can protect Zettai!

: That and so that we can return him back to Mommy heaven for more fun.

*The four girls leave, still carrying the tiny Zettai. Momo doesn't make an attempt to stop them.*

: Wait, you're just letting them go?

: Attack Zettai? When he's surrounded by such assy girls to protect him? You must be joking.

Then what was your purpose here?

: I'm here for YOU, Topaz.

That sounds threatening.

: Of course! And by forcing you to do a blog on me Zettai will abandon you as a friend!

He'll never do that! I'll show you that his words about you are accurate!

: Don't Topaz! You're playing right into her hands!

: Ho ho ho! Looks like you've already decided to face off with me. But your readers will have to wait until next time!

I'm sure they'll wait patiently. Even if it won't be worth reading

: Like all of your blogs, ho ho ho.

: HEY! I'm the only one who can mock Topaz's blogs!


: Just get on with ending the blog, idiot!
Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 17, 8:09 AM | 0 comments
August 10th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-fourth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*Topaz and Ririchiyo are relaxing in their living room. They seem exhausted.*

Phew... After not being able to enter the tournament, to our trip to rural Japan, and the resulting battle at the restaurant and in Penguin Village really tired me out.

: Normally I'd mock your low endurance, but in this case I'm too tired to retort.

That must mean we're both really tired then!

: Just because you've had exciting months away doesn't mean that you should slack on this week's blog!

*Rika enters, shaking her finger at the tired duo.*

But can't I just laze about. It is summer. Look, even PreCure and Aikatsu are being lazy with their fanservice episodes.

: Speaking of fanservice isn't there someone SPECIAL that you need to talk about.

Who do you mean-ZETTAI!

*As Topaz remembers he bolts up in the chair. He looks energized.*

It's his birthday this week! Well, technically it's next week but this is the last blog before his birthday!

: That's RIGHT. How dare you forget about your best friend's birthday!

That's just how skilled I am!

*Topaz smiles and points is thumb at himself. The girls are not amused.*

But I really do want to help him out now. Sadly it's too late to get in contact with a girl for him.

: Ni~pah! Luckily you have me as an assistant too. I managed to get a hold of a certain girl he likes...

It's not that beautiful girl from a few years back that was really beautiful. And sounded oddly like you?

: I sure hope not. We're still getting Hiroko's odors out of the room.

: Didn't Zettai come by and sniff it all up?

: ...Fair point. But I wanted to remind the readers of the stench she filled the room with.

Indeed. But who is this girl you're bringing for Zettai?

: Oniisama only deserves the BEST girls, so I made sure to call-


: Oh, that must be her!

*Rika goes to the door to welcome the girl.*

: Pssst. When did we get a doorbell.

Probably got it with all the extra money we had after repairs or something.

*Rika returns.*

: Alright everyone! Here's the girl for the week. Presenting...

*She poses, but no one comes out.*

: What now?

???: I can't go out like this! It's embarrassing! And em-BARE ASS-ing!

: What do you want? It IS for Oniisama, isn't it?

???: I-I suppose so... Alright then, here I come!

*A lovely preteen comes out. She's wearing a very short skirt and the camera makes sure to have many close ups on her fat thong ass. She tries to tug at her skirt to cover her panties, but her huge ass makes it difficult.*

I must say Rika, this girl is a fine choice.

: Ni~pah, But off course. No one knows Oniisama like I know Oniisama.

: Except maybe Katja. And Chiaki, even if she refuses to admit his perversion.

: That is only on a technical aspect, and they don't call him Oniisama at all!

Anyway, it's good to see you... MIKAN YUUKI!

*The girl finally shows her face, mostly because the camera was too distracted with staring at her huge barely-covered ass. It even looks bigger than normal.*

: Phew. I was hoping to get introduced sometime soon. It was tiring keeping my face covered.

: I doubt that the cameraman noticed much anyway...

So anyway, as is tradition I have to ask the blogged girl if she'll allow me to talk about her.

: I suppose. I wouldn't be here if-AH-I d-didn't want to be talked about.

Are you sure?

: You do look a little nervous. Or anxious.

: N-no. I'm just excited! (in more ways than one). Let's get on with the b-blog.

Sounds like a good plan. And afterward we'll have the fanservice fun!

: Hopefully Mikan won't stink the house up.

: Don't worry. I will.

: That's go-Wait what?

Getting away from the service for now, let's celebrate one of my friend's favorite characters and say that...

Today's girl is:

Mikan Yuuki

: A-AH!

Something wrong?

: Not at all. I just got a cool gust of wind on my sensitive ass.

: Better than your ass releasing a HOT gust of wind. At least save that for Zettai. Wait, speaking of which... Topaz!


: How come you remembered Zettai's birthday enough to give a preview of Mikan last week but conveniently forgot it this week?

Oh I always remembered it.

: Then why have that scene where Rika surprised you with it?

: Well it wouldn't be as funny otherwise.

Yeah, try not to lean against the fourth wall so much Riri.

: *Sigh* I guess poor humor is still better than exposition...

Hair: Mikan does have really nice hair. For the series she does have a normal hair color (like the other humans, I imagine) and her brown does look really nice. Her hair was black in the manga, so I think that they changed it so that there would be a more distinct difference between her and Yui (not that there's no other easier ways to tell). Mikan's hair is also wavy near the bottom, and length-wise it goes to about to her waist or so (at least in the anime). Some of her hair is in a spiked bun on the back of her head, not looking unlike a pineapple in a way. She has a beaded band to hold her hair in place as well. Mikan does have nice sides which frame her face well and they even go past her shoulders to her chest or so. Sadly her bangs aren't too interesting though. Overall Mikan has really good hair, and while the color change isn't too drastic I do prefer black hair.
Grade: A-

Eyes: Mikan has very cute eyes. They're a tarame shape which fits her personality well, and also suits the cute art style as well. She does have some sharp outer corners which look nice though, and it plays up her half-open exasperated look that I find really cute. Like with Mikan's hair it's possible that her eyes underwent a color change. In the early manga it looks like her eyes were grey, but now they're a more golden-brownish color (moreso golden). Then again, as I'm not a manga reader I don't know for sure. Still, this is one change that I do like. Even though I'm not a fan of golden eyes they do suit Mikan really well, and are a lot more colorful than a more drab grey. Sadly I don't recall a moment when Mikan wore glasses in the series, though she does wear a pair of red bottom-framed glasses in one official image. She does do really well here though, as her eyes are quite beautiful.
Grade: B

Face: Again I have to compliment the art style. I like the soft way all the character's faces are portrayed and Mikan is no different. Her face is simple, with small features and a dot-like nose (if that). Mikan has a lot of cute expressions and has a soft, gentle-looking face. Probably the only problem is that the show doesn't have a lot of variety in faces, and Mikan doesn't do too much to stand out. Still, we can't forget about Mikan's lovely soft cheeks! And I don't mean just on her face, heh heh heh.
Grade: B+

: A-AH!

*Mikan keeps wriggling her hips, her fat cheeks slapping against the other.*

Are you doing alright?


: We understand. Sheesh, what crawled up your butt?

*Mikan looks to the side, blushing.*

: Nothing. (phew, it doesn't look like they've noticed) Sorry I snapped but this outfit is really embarrassing.

*She keeps pulling on the front and back, with her huge ass still not fitting. She keeps pulling at it, but her fat ass reigns supreme and her skirt breaks. Her ass bounces out, with her thong being barely visible between her gigantic cheeks.*

Wait what?

: Your ass! It's HUUUUUGE!

Indeed, it looks like it's at least 50 cm bigger than normal

*The camera closes up on it.*

: I thought that something looked unusual.

: Ahhh... That actually feels a little better. I guess that the skirt was too tight on my ass and now that my ass is free it feels-ah-AHH! OH YES! AH! B-better.

*Mikan blushes and looks to the side again.*

Don't worry, I'm sure that the girls understand.

: So what did you do to make your ass so big?

: I'd reference either One Punch Man or the DBZ dub, but the less Zettai associates shounen with asses the better.

Unless it's Chichi or Tatsumaki or another similar girl with a big fat ass.

: Exactly. Though I still am curious.

: Well, before I left I had Lala use one of her inventions on me. Little did I know that my ass would grow so big and be so sensitive afterward.

: Sounds like the perfect invention for Zettai. Well, I mean the girls around him at least.

: SMELLS like the perfect invention as well *cough cough*

: True, it does make my ass stinky as a result. But that only makes it better for him!

Exactly. And speaking of your ass let's continue with the blog!

: Good plan!

Build: Mikan has a really wonderful body. She has a slender teen body, except for her huge ass. Well, measurement-wise it's not that big. She's 149 cm and weighs 41 kg, and her three measurements are 70-52-73. However, this is one case where the measurements don't tell the true story. Though her waist and navel are quite nice (nothing wrong with that). Her ass looks quite big and it's used for most of her fanservice which is nice. When she'd actually show up, at least. She does have a great eyecatch and a lot of official artworks that seem to revolve around the size of her ass. Being fair it might just be that they didn't want to give her mamocentric service due to being flat, but I won't turn down a memetic assy girl. Oh, and technically since Mikan is the younger sister she's shorter than Rito (by a fair amount; he's 164.5 vs. her 149 cm). Overall Mikan could show off more, but for a younger sister and a preteen it's really good that she's got such a memetic fat ass. Her ass is big and round, and is definitely one of her best features. It is a shame that they removed some of her best moments from the anime, which includes a facesitting scene and a short where Rito becomes her panties (especially since they adapted nearly every other short, to the best of my knowledge.
Grade: A-

Chest: Mikan is mostly the token "loli" of To Love-ru, and as a result she has the smallest chest. At least excluding examples like Celine who looks like a much younger child. To be precise Mikan does have a bit of feminine curve to her, but it's a very modest amount that I'd expect from a girl her age. As mentioned prior her chest is also 70 cm, which isn't very big. From what I've read Mikan may have a bit of a complex due to all the buxom women around, but fortunately for her that became something Nana was more known for (poor Nana though). She also doesn't show off her nude chest that much either (at least in the anime), which is a shame since it makes her look like the show has a double standard-wait, it's made by Xebec. That's probably EXACTLY what they've done, which is a shame as she likely has small nipples. Though they aren't shown until the Darkness manga, if my sources are correct. Overall Mikan does fine here on her own merits, but with the terrible author and terrible company pushing her away every chance they could she didn't do as well as she could have.
Grade: B

Clothes: Mikan has a really big variety of outfits. I probably shouldn't mention all her casual outfits, but they do look quite nice and cute. The main thing to talk about is her cosplay as she has quite the variety. This includes wearing a witches outfit with cape in the OVA (though sadly no hat), a variety of bikinis (including a blue-striped one, a white one with red dots, an orange striped one, and a green one), both the blue and red styles of buruma (which look great on her huge ass), a red backpak, an orange Halloween outfit, a yellow dress, cute underwear, an apron but over clothes (really, if anyone should wear naked apron you'd expect a responsible girl like Mikan to do so), a maid outfit, a sukumizu, a chef outfit, a nurse outfit, orange pajamas, a sailor suit (not the school uniform, an actual sailor with the little white hat and everything), and a yukata. She also wears Peke, which is the name for the device that creates Lala's clothes, at one point. This gives her quite a few different outfits, which includes both Lala and Yami's outfits (the latter being a black gothloli-ish dress). In one game she seems to wear idol outfits, which is fitting considering it's the idol-based one. There's probably more outfits that I couldn't find, but overall Mikan does really well as far as clothing goes.
Grade: A

: Kyahh! AHH!

*Mikan interrupts her blog again.*

You sure that you're not in pain?

: I-I'm perfectly fine so don't worry.

: That just makes us worry more, especially with the way you're wriggling your hips.

Her ass is quite sexy and jiggly. Don't be envious, you two.

: Darn. But I do really want that invention.

: I could care less. But back to the point you shouldn't be afraid to let it out!

: Y-you mean I can? Right here?

: Of course. Open up to us right here.

: It is going to be really relieving... Alright, I made up my m-mind. I'm going to let it all out!

Wait, that makes me think-

: Here goes-URRRGH!


*Mikan lets one rip, shaking the house. She also lets out a visible odor and looks refreshed as a result.*

I was afraid of this! Though it doesn't smell as bad as it sounded.

: Well, I did have to h-hold back a little. At least for now, for certain reasons...

: Ah yes. You want to make sure to have enough gas in you to cover Zettai's birthday cake!

: Yes! Exactly!

Makes perfect sense. But let's continue onward and get to said cake after.

Personality: Mikan is a very cute girl. She's Rito's imouto (he's the male lead) but even though she's younger she's the one responsible for all the cooking and cleaning. I find that quite cute, especially as it's possible that Mikan is one of the more mature girls in the series. The fact that Mikan is a good chef helps as well, since anime needs to stop doing the opposite. She does get a little snarky but I find that endearing, and it's not like the situations don't call for it either. Mikan is also very friendly, being the main reason that Yami hasn't killed Rito and is instead giving up her assassin ways (at least after a certain point in Darkness, I suppose). She also takes care of Celine once the young plant toddler arrives. Mikan also has a fear of lightning, which Rito comforts her from. She does seem to get a little jealous of all the girls taking Rito's attention away from her, but it's more that her brocom sense was growing likely. Overall Mikan is a great girl, if sadly not a deep one. Her biggest problem is that she gets pushed to the side too much. Both in the generic way as well as the level of fanservice Mikan gets, both are sadly underwhelming for such a great girl. It's a shame as she's consistently one of the more popular characters but also keeps getting trolled which really hurts her here (if only I had a better "reception" area like with Zettai's blogs). Finally, we can't forget that Mikan is voiced by Kana Hanazawa, and was one of her first major roles (and probably the one that made her as famous as she is). She does a wonderful performance with Mikan, being cute but also snarky when appropriate. The only thing I wonder about is if the fact that Mikan is done by KanaHana was the reason that Mikan lacked as much fanservice as she did (as it seemed like there was a year or so where characters voiced by Kana had many fanservice scenes). Then again it might also just be to stupid censors getting in the way. Rant about Mikan lacking fanservice aside she's a great example of the "responsible imouto" and as her maturity exceeds her age she's a great girl.
Grade: B

Libido: Mikan does pretty strongly here. She really loves her older brother Rito, even if she doesn't admit it. She talks about him all the time, but when her friends confront her on her brocom ways Mikan just denies it. It's a shame she doesn't show off being a major brocom as I'm not sure if she's a part of the harem plan or not. This isn't my fault though, as it seems a lot of scenes talking about it had Mikan removed in the anime to keep it's ratings lower. Poor Mikan, always getting the shaft :/. Still, she does seem to be counted as part of the harem which is a good thing. Mikan is also quite comfortable being naked around Rito, with the pair even bathing together. Mikan will also occasionally tease Rito, though she dislikes how often her brother ends up in perverse situations (though I bet she likes her ass being fondled by Rito while he's sleeping). There's also the fact that Mikan has a habit of eating something phallic, but that's not important. Outside of Rito Mikan really doesn't have many romantic relationships. She does get along with Yami really well and the two are best friends, but I wouldn't say their relationship was anything more than friendship. She also has a lot of male admirers as well. Still, Mikan's strong feelings for her brother does help her here, as does climbing into bed with him.
Grade: A-

Age: Sadly Mikan doesn't do well here for me. She is a little too young, starting at eleven and going to twelve as the series progresses. Which is odd as the other girls don't seem to age, but that would require the author to realize that time is passing I suppose. Mikan also goes up a grade as well. Sadly even with the additional grade she's still separated from the other characters because she's a middle school girl. Now, I don't have a problem with middle school girls but it seems like the series uses this as another reason to force Mikan to have little screentime which is unfortunate. It does hurt her a little, but there's nothing wrong with her age as she looks like a preteen. Oh, and her birthday seems to be November 3rd as well.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 79
Average score: 8.8
Final Grade: B+

And that's the blog for the week!

: Looks great, I hope! Though for right now I'll be in my room...

*Rika slides out of the room and into her room.*

I wonder what's up with her.

: She probably didn't want to experience Mikan "spicing up" the cake.

Oh yeah! The cake that's become a tradition! I still have to bring that out.

*Topaz goes in the other room and brings out a delicious looking cake.*

: I sure hope that Zettai enjoys this every year.

I hope so as well.

: So what do you want me to do?

Just sit on it and let one rip!

*Mikan glares at Topaz.*

: Really?

Yep! Just like you let one out earlier! Only bigger and as smelly as you can get!

: Are you sure?

: That you should fart on the cake, yes. That I want to be in the room when you do it, I'm not so sure...

: I see then. Well, I might as well do it if it's tradition.

*Mikan gets up on the table, squatting over the cake. Her huge ass easily dwarfs the fairly large cake. She then sits down, pressing her giant loli ass against it.*

: AH-AH! The cake is so squishy on my squishy ass!

*She wriggles her hips, making her ass jiggle on the cake and squashing it a little.*

: Well, here goes-AH-nothing! AHHHH!


*Mikan lets out a fart without shame, even lifting her leg up as she does so. She looks extremely refreshed, but an unusual thing happens. For some reason, after her recent and stinky fart Zettai appears head-first in the cake under Mikan's huge ass!*


Zettai: MMPH!

What are you doing here?

: And weren't you supposed to be dead and in Motherly heaven or something?

Zettai: Findallies nard a fuddy ting!

: AH! Oniisama! You got out! And that fart destroyed my thong so my big, fat ass is completely visible now!

It died happy, I bet.

: Wait, you knew that Zettai would be coming?

: Oh, he's been here the whole time.

No he hasn't. He just now appeared.

: Making my ass grow wasn't the only thing I had Lala do for me. I also had her shrink Zettai and carried him inside my ass all day long.

: So he was inside the whole blog? But that likely took hours!

Sounds like paradise for Zettai. Especially because judging by how he looks he was inside all the way except for his face.

: Wait, this explains why you were so excited and kept moaning.

: *blushes* He was indeed wriggling around, and it was pretty embarrassing. But I love Oniisama and would do anything for him!

Zettai: Miphan...

Sounds like he loves you right back.

: I EVEN ASKED IF SHE HAD SOMETHING CRAWL UP HER BUTT! It's like the perfect coincidence yet I didn't realize it until now!

But I might ask; other than the obvious fanservice I don't understand why you'd stuff Zettai up your ass.

: Well... Let's just say that I wanted some alone time with Oniisama. Especially this week as he's very popular.

I can tell. And yet he found time to write a guest blog for me. I want him to know how thankful I truly am to him.

: I am certain that he knows.


*The doorbell is hit many times.*

I wonder who that could be...

: No! Don't open that!

: I hope it's not an intruding villain.

What are the chances of that happening? Besides, they'd just bust through the kitchen again.

*Topaz turns the knob and opens the door...*

Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 10, 7:56 AM | 0 comments
August 3rd, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-third week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*As the blog starts it is currently night. Even the moon over the city is sleeping, snoring loudly. However, a pig that was resting on a tree suddenly wakes up. He clears his throat.*


*The moon continues to sleep. Angry marks appear on the pig's head.*


*The moon only snores louder, turning to the side and becoming crescent-shaped as a result.*

: Grrr.... So that's how you want it. I'll play your game.

*The pig pulls up a large gun and cocks it. He then shoots the moon in the literal sense, causing a big bullet hole in the moon's "forehead". It falls down, pretending to die and making a big act about it. The sun then rises with a goofy smile, even brushing its teeth.*

: Good to see you show up in time.

*We go to the small town below to finally get to our heroes. Topaz and Ririchiyo are running through the town, trying to get away from the evil waitresses. However, the two are very exhausted.*

: Pant... Let's take a break..gasp.. for now...

Good... point. We have been running for a while.

: It seems like we've been running all night. And I'm pretty sure I'm so tired I'm hallucinating.

Why do you say that?

: Because I'm pretty sure that I just saw a pig shoot down Mr. Bright.

...That does sound crazy. I think it should be better if we rest a little.

*The two sit down for a breather. Little did they know that the two waitresses were trying to get a bit of help themselves.*

: So you say that this "Topaz" fella ate at your restaurant and left without paying?

: That's right!

: And that he talked about you against your will?

: Yer darn right!

: Don't worry. We'll be sure to bring this delinquent to justice!

: That's good!

*The policemen get into their car and drive off.*

: So why are we getting Topaz arrested?

: Isn't it obvious?

: Because he gave us bad scores?

: NO! Well, that is a fair reason but not the big one.

: You've lost me.

: With Topaz in jail he can't meet any girls. Then he'll have to delay the blog and all his readers will hate him for missing such a notable day.

: Great plan!

*Topaz and Riri are still relaxing when they hear a police siren coming.*

Huh. I wonder what that could be about.

: Probably just something random you decided to add.

I wouldn't add something that wasn't important. You can tell as I'm very lazy.

: I can believe that. So what do you think it is?

Hopefully it's a sexy police meganekko.

: I doubt it.

*The police car stops beside them.*

: Hey, isn't this the guy?

Who, me?

: Yes, I think he's the one that we're looking for. But just to be sure. *Faces Topaz.* Are you the anime blogger Topaz?

Yes I am! So good to see a fan.

: I'm not actually a fan.

: We're actually here to arrest you.

Arrest me? But what have I done?

: Probably plenty, it's more of a question as to what these two police officers know about.

: Stop talking among yourselves! You should know what we're here for.

: Yes. Those two nice girls told us to come arrest you for theft and sexual harrassment!

: That could be a lot of girls...

Shhhh! I might actually be in real trouble this time!

: But if you were in real trouble wouldn't a girl show up to save you?

I do have good luck like that. But where am I going to find a girl like that?

*A young voice echoes from far away.*

???: N'cha!

*The police officers become worried.*

: Oh no... Not... HER!

: Looks like we'll have to abandon our arrest here if we don't want our car to be wrecked!

*They try to start the engine, but the second that they do a young girl appears running down the street. Her arms are wide out and she's running full-sprint with a dust cloud behind her.*



*The young girl, who has her arms spread out from her sides, comes charging at the police car as they try to drive off. She's able to catch up rams right into it. The car goes flying, going head over wheels spinning and crashes at some far off place. Fortunately the wreckage is mainly for humor's sake as the two police officers come out without a scratch.*

: I knew we should have captured him on foot.

: Fine fine. But how about we just let him go. I'm sure that if he has to put up with HER he'll be BEGGING to go behind bars...

*Meanwhile, back with Topaz and Ririchiyo.*

Thank you for saving us!

: No problem! Wait, I don't know you two. Are you new here?

: We're just visiting.

: N'cha! Welcome to Penguin Village!

: So that explains the penguin reference from last week. But wait, does this mean that we'll be talking about Arale today?

: Hoyoyo? How did the lovely lady know my name?

: L-lovely?

You are certainly lovely. But to answer your question Arale, it's because we're big fans of yours. Especially because of what you symbolize.

: Hoyoyo? What does that mean?

All thanks to you we can have meganekko leads.

: Granted the contest was between a cute girl and a middle age man, one could easily imagine which one would win the bet.

Still though. You're one of the first girls in glasses in anime history! And for that, I want to celebrate this big occasion by talking about you.

: *Gasp* About me? I would be honored!

That's good to hear, though I hope that she has the patience to listen as I say that...

Today's girl is:

Arale Norimaki
Dr. Slump

: So what channel will this be on?

: It isn't on television. Topaz writes on the internet.

: Wahahah! No one will read it if you write it on nets!

Not inside nets, the internet!

: What's that?

Oh yeah. You're from a long time ago aren't you.

: It's apparently a series of tubes that people send cat images on.

I'm surprised that you didn't mention the OTHER use of the internet.

: I'm not singing. Besides, isn't Arale a little young for that?

: Hoyoyo?

Surprising as it may sound. She's even older than ME!

: Wow that's ancient.

: Wait, isn't that inter-nets thingy full of naked women?

Depends on where you look. Some places have men instead.

: And some places have women that are actually men. No one wants that. Stupid Astolfo and his stupid sudden stupid popularity because his stupid anime is stupidly airing grumble grumble...

That's a lot of "stupid" in one sentence, Riri.

: To be fair I could have used a much more... "foreign" word, so to speak.

: Senbei looks up images on that all the time!

How am I not surprised.

: It's all women's butts!

: Well, he is a smart old man now.

Indeed. But let's get going with the blog now.

: Hoyoyo!

Hair: Arale has pretty great hair for my tastes. I do like purple hair, which works well with Arale's usual hair color. It seems that the most recent Dr. Slump series made her have brown hair for whatever reason, which isn't bad but is a little dull considering her cool and unique original hair. Arale's hair is also pretty long, going down to her mid back in a really nice straight pattern. I suppose that with her small size it might not seem long, but I still like it. The straightness certainly helps, though I don't mind her slight curls either. Messy hair seems very in-character for the easily-excited Arale. She also has blunt bangs, which is a shame as she could almost have a hime cut if she didn't have two gaps above her eyes. Though I guess her hair is pulled behind her ears as well. Still, Arale's hairstyle is quite nice. That said she's not afraid to try out other types, including twintails or various headwear. Probably her most well-known hat is one that just says "Arale" on the front and has a white wing on each side of her head. Overall Arale does strong here, and while I wonder why the remake changed her hair color it isn't a big deal (though it probably would have been annoying if I would watch the show).
Grade: A-

Eyes: Arale has a very classic-anime style of eye. Her eyes are round, though only the upper outward corners are covered. She also has eyelashes and while they are apparent they aren't too distracting. I suppose they do fit the time period, but I don't know much about early 80s anime. They aren't bad but I do prefer today's bigger, more expressive eyes. Arale seems to have purple eyes in the manga, though the anime made her eyes bluer it seems (though a darker shade so it somewhat still fit her hair color). Much like the hair they really got her eyes wrong in the remake series as she has green eyes instead. Overall I prefer the purple color most.
Of course, we can't forget about Arale's main attraction. Arale wears a pair of thick frame glasses, each lens being big on her small face and helping to fill it out quite nicely. It's cool how she needs them as well, since Arale is nearsighted (even in the first chapter she got them). She also almost always wears them, which is great as she's the lead female (and the lead in general, thanks to a certain bet). This means that Arale is likely THE FIRST MEGANEKKO LEAD. I don't know if she helped to inspire any future ones, but it's great that she became so popular due to being a cute girl in glasses. She even inspired the term "Arare Megane" to describe her glasses.
Grade: A-

Face: Arale also doesn't have a bad face. When it's on, at least, as she has the ability to pop her head off without much problem. Her face is fairly simple but still cute. It does seem that the anime did make her cleft, the area between her nose and upper lip, a bit more visible early on but luckily that was changed eventually. Arale does have a fitting and small nose, but one that is still mostly visible. She's also very innocent in personality, and likes to make silly faces with her elastic face (such as tugging the sides of her mouth and sticking out her tongue). She'll also occasionally be seen missing one of her teeth on the side, but I don't know how consistent that is. Overall she does really well here, with her young age and silly faces helping out. Oh, and I suppose that she does look a lot like Lucca from Chrono Trigger (er, I suppose it's the other way around and Lucca looks like her, but you get what I mean). I blame Toriyama being lazy, as usual.
Grade: B

*Topaz takes a pause to see how Arale is doing.*

So how do you feel about the blog, Arale?

: I am surprised that you enjoyed my head so much. Here, take it.


*Arale pops her head off and hands it to Topaz. He takes it from her hands.*

: T-TOPAZ! She popped her head off for you!

I imagine that this is quite the honor but it seems odd.

*Topaz plays with Arale's head, making her make faces with her tongue out.*

: Nyaaaah! Blaaaaaah!

: Topaz, that's enough. You should really put her head back on and continue with the blog.

I suppose that I should.

*Topaz places Arale's head on.*

: Something feels funny...

: TOPAZ! Pay attention when you're doing that!

*Arale's head is on upside down.*

Yikes! I should have paid more attention!

*Topaz readjusts Arale's head, putting it on correctly.*

: That's better!

: Good. That means that we can continue with the blog.

Build: Sadly Arale doesn't do too well here. At first she looked like a teen, but she steadily got shorter. This is explained by Senbei (her creator and the namesake of the manga) having a lot of extra bodies for her. She's probably more known for her squat form, which is sorta unfortunate as it isn't too sexual. She's got practically no shape to her body, but being fair she's quite young-appearing as well. I will say that her body is quite amazing and strong though, taken from a technical standpoint. Arale also had the body of a car and plane for one chapter where her body had to be repaired, which I find silly. According to Arale's resume in one of the manga she seems to be 109 cm and 31 kg, though I also have reports saying that she's 139 cm instead. It's possible that the shorter size is her "squat" form while the other is her original size, but it's also possible that one of the two may be incorrect in general. Arale's biggest weakness is that she is battery-powered (or at least powered by a drink called "robot vitamin A"), and much like Not-Terminator she will freeze up if she runs out of power. Speaking of her machine side she can also fly using farts in one chapter. There's something else she's missing, but it's hard to talk about...Y-you know, down there.

*Topaz points down*

: Topaz! Don't bring that sort of thing up!

: Don't worry, Arale knows she lacks a belly button.

BELLY BUTTON! I forgot what it was called for a minute. Wait, what were you thinking of?

*Riri blushes quite a bit and looks to the side.*

: N-nothing!... Alright, so I was thinking you m-meant... er, um... "there".

Oh... OH! Yeah, Arale is missing that spot too for comedic purposes. The excuse is that due to Japanese censorship laws Senbei had never seen that, er, "place" so he wasn't able to build one for Arale. She got a belly button at least, though it was used for a humorous chapter.
Grade: C

Chest: Arale is quite an odd feature here. She's completely flat, which does fit her body shape and I think she'd just look silly otherwise. She does have a bit of a complex about it, wanting Senbei to give her more of a chest but luckily she stops doing this (though she does have some mamocentric moments herself). Arale does have dot nipples that she shows off, this manga is from a different time after all. Still, she's too kid-like to be considered attractive here but I do like how she became more proud of her modest chest.
Grade: C+

Clothes: Arale is really quite surprising here. She has a LOT of outfits, probably too many to name as it seemed like every chapter cover had a different cool outfit. Her main outfit probably consists of a shirt and overalls, of which she has quite a lot of variety as far as color goes. She also has a long shirt with her name on it and shorts with gloves at times too, and she likes to cosplay as well while playing. Some of these include a ninja outfit, a cowgirl, and cat overalls with a bowtie and earred hat among many other outfits. She also wears a sailor uniform with a long skirt to school (granted the long skirt may just be due to being short, but still). The remake puts Arale in a purple shirt with an A on it, yellow shorts, and a purple hat that makes her look like a goblin or elf or something. In that remake I've also seen images of her wearing a nurse's outfit, a devil's outfit, and likely a great deal more outfits that I don't know about. She also wears Goku's Gi in a video game (and also a promotional image), though I don't know much about that. While Arale doesn't have anything too sexy, I'd say that the sheer variety and cosplay really helps her out.
Grade: B

*Topaz pauses again, but this time Arale seems distracted by a pink poop that she's poking.*

H-hey! Don't get distracted. My blog is better than poo!

: I don't know whether to mock you with a "Don't be too sure" or make a joke of "That's the tagline right there, folks!".

: Alright then... LOOK!

*Arale stabs the poop with a stick and shoves it into Topaz's face. He leans back and falls onto his back.*


: Arale! Behave!

: Hoyoyo!

At least pay attention. The blog should be over soon.

: Alright....

You can poke the poop if it will help you to concentrate.


*Arale continues to poke the poop, this time with faster speed. Meanwhile, in another location at Penguin Village the two waitresses make a certain call at a phone booth.*

: What even IS this thing?

: I believe that it was called a "phone booth". It's from ancient times.

: You mean there were times when people didn't carry phones around? I know I'm dumb but that doesn't mean you can lie to me!

: It's true! Though I'm not sure why this one in particular smells so much like pickled plums. Anyway, that's not what's important. I managed to get a hold of a smart, evil scientist that will help us out.

: I don't see why we would need the help, as I'm enough to defeat Topaz and whatever random meganekko he picked for today.

: True. But don't be cocky. We could use all the help we can get since Topaz is a tricky one.

: And I'm not! W-wait, did someone just insult me?

*Inami facepalms just as the phone picks up.*

: Finally. I got a hold of him and he says that he'll help.

: Fine, I guess!

*Inami continues her conversation, though what is heard is unknown. We return to Topaz just as he's starting the last portion of the blog.*

Personality: As mentioned before, Arale is an interesting character. She was only supposed to be a one-shot character, but thanks to a bet from her creator and his editor she became the main character of the series. This might be for the better, not just because Arale is a cute girl in glasses, because she's a lot more goofy than Senbei, her in-universe creator. She also is pretty powerful, where to be an actual threat the main villain actually has to build around her abilities (and the abilities of her friend, the flying Gatchan). She's incredibly strong as she's an android, but she's also a gag character so she's exactly as strong as the comedic plot allows her to be. This means that during the crossovers with the Dragon Ball franchise she's able to defeat General Blue, Tao Pai Pai, and in the remake for Dr. Slump she beats up the GT-level young Goku in his big monkey form. Not only that, but recently in DB Super she managed to defeat Vegeta, tie with SSB Goku (though she admitted she could be much powerful), and nearly lost to Beerus (who is probably the strongest in the universe, next to his assistant Whis at least). She's not very skilled, but she is extremely powerful and can even crack the earth with a Megaton Punch (much like Kirby). She can also launch a N'cha ray out of her mouth as well.
Battles aside Arale is still a great comedic character. She's goofy and silly, with a mischievous side that always seems to cause trouble for people around her. Still, outside of having fun and being absent-minded she's got a good heart. She even saved a bear using parts of her own body after it got shot. Arale is also fairly energetic, and her hobbies include poking poop (which in this universe are pink and the swirly kind) and destroying police cars. Poop is especially notable as she's easily distracted by poking it. Despite her naivety Arale is still very smart, easily able to get good grades and even create a robot head herself it seems. Her specialty seems to be math. Other things that she's a fan of include Ultraman and Kaiju series. Arale is very friendly but easily trusting too, thinking that evil people are just playing with her. Arale also has two VAs; I can't say anything about Taeko Kawata but I imagine she was poorly received at the time. I have heard Mami Koyama who gives Arale a great childish voice that's quite cute, though I probably can't compare her to anyone as Arale would probably be her most noteworthy character (at least for Japanese fans, as it's possible that Western fans know Lunch better but I can't be too sure. Especially with Arale showing up in Super and Lunch being nowhere to be found). Arale's biggest problem here is that, if I had to live in Penguin Village, I'd probably be annoyed at her antics and hyperactivity. I'd think that she's a savior considering how often she tends to save the city/planet from evil, but I can understand how she could get tiring to be with. Still, she's quite funny being an outsider to her antics and considering this is a gag series I understand her personality not growing. Oh, and I can probably mention that there's a one shot with a "delinquent" Arale version named Abale who wears sunglasses instead. Also Arale's name is based on a type of rice cracker while her last name (shared with the family of her creator) means something to the effect of being wrapped in seaweed, because Toriyama's naming scheme is based on line-of-sight.
Grade: B

Libido: Arale is actually somewhat fascinating here. She does seem really innocent and naive, but she does admit that one of her talents is her "feminine charm". This may be true as there's a lot of people who seem to fall in love with the young robot girl. This includes the head of school, a vampire named Prince Monster, and a gang leader among others I'm probably forgetting. Of course, we can't forget about Arale's official pairing. The villain of the series creates a young boy robot to face Arale, but Obatchaman (which was the name the fans voted on) eventually fell for her instead. They have a very cute relationship, and the two even have a child in the future (though as both are robots it is a created child).
Grade: B+

Age: Arale is created at the start of the manga. She was made with a body of a 10-13, though ironically as the series goes on her body seems to become smaller and younger-looking. This is a problem here as even in the beginning she would be too young, and some of the actions she does make her seem even younger. That said, Arale is said to be 18 by the end of the series (though she's still quite small) and she also graduates high school. According to Pixiv her birthday is May third, with the actual year being 1980 (though I'm not sure how accurate the year is as that's more of when the series began). Apparently there's also a panel of her seeming older due to a watch, but since she is unable to age I wouldn't actually count it.
Grade: C

Total Grades: 69
Average score: 7.7
Final Grade: B

So that is the blog for the week. What do you think about it, Arale?

: Slightly better than poop!

: Again, that would make a perfect tagline.

That aside, looks like it's time for us to be going. The sun is setting and everything.

: Because it's too scared to stay up too long, I reckon. (Wait, "reckon"? Darn it Ririchiyo, stop pretending to be from Kansai!)

: It's been good to see'cha! Bye'cha!

*Arale starts walking away...*

Posted by emperortopaz | Aug 3, 7:52 AM | 0 comments
July 27th, 2017
Anime Relations: WWW.Working!!
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-second week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

Welcome back everyone! Last week I won the long-running magic game!

: Topaz! Don't rub your victory in the faces of the fans. Besides, isn't there something more important to the plot that you should mention?

Do I have to?

: YES!

: YES! Or I'll slug ya!

Fine. Anyway, it has been revealed that Jun was on the side of the villains. She paired up with two other waitresses, Inami and Hana, and kept me here on purpose to stall for time.

: It's surprising as three other girls were able to get here quickly.

: I blame traffic.

: They do not have the devotion that I have. The devotion of love and for justice!

Justice apparently means fanservice for Zettai.

: Does he not deserve such? Especially after the past week?

Yes. This week has been especially terrible, though I don't know if I'd be much help...

: Have confidence in yourself, Topaz! Sometimes you're the only one who can do anything!

Blast this world being so awful to the poor Zettai...

: It will be awful for you soon!

I know, I have to blog YOU today.

: Exactly!

: Hana, that was an insult!

: Wait, it was?

: We've gone over this before.

: It's not my fault I'm dumb! And for you, Topaz! I think that you mean that it'll be terrible for you as you'll be defeated by my hands!

: Stronger girls have tried.

Like the Divas!

: Don't jinx it, we've only seen two of them. Who knows when we'll be seeing the other two.

: Never, as you'll be defeated by my hands!

: Er, you already said that.

: Oh, my mistake. *short pause* Er, what should I say then?

How about we get started now? I'm sure that the readers have been impatient.

: I'm sure that most don't care, as long as you get to it eventually.

Exactly. And as we figured out earlier...

Today's girl is:

Hana Miyakoshi
WWW . Working

: Hey wait. I think the URL is leaking into the text or something, Topaz.

What do you mean?

: I mean, what kind of stupid name is "WWW . Working" anyway? That can't be the actual name and you've done the source code wrong again. I even had to add spaces so that it didn't seem click-able!

: Nonsense. It's the actual name of the show I'm from.

At least they differentiate between the two. They could have just added more exclamation points.

: But then it would be like we'd just be shouting louder.

No one wants that. But indeed, that is the shows title. Was there any reason that you thought it was a mistake?

: It just looks stupid so I thought you did something wrong.

I never make mistakes!

: Tell that to the inventor alien girl you confused with a communist leader.


: All this history is confusing me. JUST GET ON WITH THE BLOG!

Fine fine. Here goes nothing!

Hair: Hana is a lot like Inami here. Both girls are the main love interests and have short orange/tan hair (with Hana being more tan it seemed). Hana's hair just barely reaches her neck, and I do prefer longer hair. In the final episode's epilogue she did grow her hair out, and while that was a great idea considering there was a time skip, it didn't work as intended. Hana's original style seems to just have extensions tacked on rather than making her hair seem longer. Her side curls go from just barely past her ear to about past her chin, but I probably would have liked it more if she didn't tuck the hair behind her ear. In back it goes from a bowl cut-type of style to a longer, fuller version that goes past her shoulders. It doesn't look extremely bad, and far better than having haircuts which no one likes, but there just seems to be something off about it. Though there is a shiny moment where her hair flutters, though it's not for too long. Hana's bangs aren't too interesting to talk about either, with just simple zig-zags and a crossing middle. Overall not too strong, but more girls should grow their hair out.
Grade: B-

Eyes: Hana's eyes aren't too great, at least shape-wise. Her eyes are very round, though the outer corners do help a little. She has a few eyelashes but nothing too noticeable. Hana also has large brown pupils, matching the art style well. The brown is a little darker than her hair, but since the underportion of her hair is darker it sort of fits. Otherwise she is pretty unimpressive, Hana doesn't even wear glasses to help herself.
Grade: B-

Face: Hana doesn't have a terrible face. If anything I do like the simple art style. The small dot nose is always nice, and since Hana's head is acorn-shaped her cheeks have some softness to them. The main problem is that Hana's face is a little plain and not memorable. Her smile is alright and fairly common, at least from what I remember, but overall she's the type of girl who doesn't leave a lasting impression. The show does make Hana have a chibi face for humor as well, with tiny dot eyes, which isn't great but is notable enough to mention.
Grade: B

: Pssst....

: Huh?

: Wait, not you?

: Do not expect to talk to me, you infamous man-hater.

: Not you either!

: Me?

: I think that she's talking to Jun.

: What is it?

: Nor you! Man, there's too many people in this restaurant!

: Do not worry. We're not at full capacity for fire safety yet.

: I don't mean she intends that.

: Right. It's just hard to get a private conversation going.

I agree. It's also complicated for me to write so much dialogue as well!

: That's just because you're lazy...

This is true. I'm a terrible procrastinator.

: But a Pro procrastinator!

Nice joke!

*Topaz and Arashi high-five.*

: Stop that, you two. You don't want to break the fourth wall.

: Anyway, I was TRYING to get Hana's attention.

: Hmmm?

: Hana, don't you have a certain gift for Topaz?

: But you only told me to bring my deadly horrible chocolate that would easily knock anyone out.

*Inami facepalms*

: Come on, do you really expect Topaz to fall for something like that?

Wait. Did I just hear that someone has chocolate for me?

: TOPAZ! Listen to everything when people are speaking to you!

: Yes, Hana made it special for you.

: I did?

*Inami glares at her companion.*

: Oh yeah! I really did! Here you go!

*Hana offers Topaz the chocolate, which seems to have green visible odors coming off of it.*

: That reminds me of the chocolate I gave Zettai the other day...

: Ugh, gross. I can't believe you'd make him eat "that".

: Whatever are you speaking of?

: You know... "that".

: I believe that I do not-OH! Oh no. I am a proper lady. I would never force Zettai to eat such feces!

: Then what do you mean by "reminding you of what you gave Zettai"?

: Allow me to explain...

: Hmm. I suppose that it would be for the best that I end my escapades with Zettai-sama there.

: Lots of anal sex occurred.

: Wait, I'm confused. I thought that you didn't give him that sort of chocolate.

: Oh dear, perhaps you are right. But I gifted him such a meal in an elegant and ladylike fashion. And without shame, of course.

: One can only hope that Zettai enjoyed that moment.

Hopefully. Now, what were we doing?

: Finishing the blog.

: I have this chocolate for you.

Oh yeah, the blo-DID YOU SAY CHOCOLATE?

*Without hesitation Topaz takes the chocolate from Hana. He then takes a bite and then falls unconscious.*


Posted by emperortopaz | Jul 27, 8:20 AM | 0 comments
July 20th, 2017
This is the Four-hundredth-fifty-first week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.

*The battle that had been going on for the past few weeks continues. Topaz doesn't have much on his field, and only a single card in his hand. He also only has two life, as he had taken the brunt of Jun's attacks. Arashi and Riri are looking better, with some creatures and higher life (at 18 and 9 respectively). Somehow Jun has gotten the upper hand, with a good amount of monsters and still having her starting life of forty. To make matters worst, the other players were at her mercy with no defenses left.*

: Mwahaha, looks like I COULD win this turn, but Arashi is in the way.

: Don't mock us, just because you've had the upper hand the entire time!

It's like she stacked her deck or something.

: We should check her for illegal Millennium items...

: Don't be mad at me if your decks are full of weaklings!

: Didn't you pick the decks out?

: In fact, weren't you the one who was making a big deal about playing? Almost like you planned this exact thing...

Don't worry, I'm sure that our luck will turn around!

: That's the spirit! Pun not intended, sadly.

Thank you for believing in me, Arashi. And I imagine that Riri feels the same way.

: Well, let's just eliminate that "hope" you feel right now. Stalking Vengence!

Oh no! Since it has haste it will be able to attack this turn!

: And we'll take damage when she sacrifices something too. This is horrible!

: Don't worry, Topaz. I'll save you for last to make you suffer. Mwaha ahah!

*Meanwhile, onlookers are watching the battle.*

: Pssst. Is it just me or is Jun acting extra evil right now?

: I'm not sure, I just got here. But it's almost like she's a villain on something.

: Nonsense. If she was a villain she'd be doing something like stacking her deck or using perfume or something.

: True, and the latter would be picked up by my vampire senses. By the way, do you smell something *cough* bad?

*Hikari waves her hand in front of her nose.*

: The only thing I see that stinks is Jun's attitude all of a sudden. But I do hope that they find a way to defeat her...

*We go back to the game.*

: Now! Stalking Vengence! Harvester of Souls! Attack Arashi!

*Arashi cannot block and takes 10 damage.*

: Phew... At least I've made it through that assault...

: I don't think so. I'll Fling my Corpsejack Menace at you as well!

Heh heh heh...

: Oh grow up. Stop immaturely laughing whenever that monster comes up.

But people say that it looks like a-

: It's a FUNGUS.

It sure is.

: It also has "Jack" in it's name, as in "Jack O-"

: That's enough of that, Arashi. Because of Stalking Vengence's ability you're defeated!

: NOOOOO! Now I'll be sent to the Shadow Realm!

Nooo! Arashi is dead!

: Topaz. She was dead before the game.

O-Oh yeah... But I'll still avenge you!

: Good plan. Let's band together and defeat Jun.

: Banding? That's the biggest joke in Magic!

What about Bands with others?

: No one is going to get that joke, Topaz.

Well, guess I'm just an Old Fogey then...

: Well, it's your turn Topaz. What are you going to do?

First I draw a card and-

*Suddenly the restaurant door opens. In bursts a girl with a flower and some petals in her hair.*

: Hello? I heard that there was a blogger here that was waiting for me to come.

: You must be the new waitress.

: That I am.

*Marika clicks her tongue as she looks Rize up and down. Rize is flustered and covers herself.*

: W-what are you looking at?

: Let's just say that I know what you did last week. Breaking my darling Zettai's heart like that.

: I apologize for making him uncomfortable.

*Rize bows slightly.*

: Well, I do hope that he accepts your apology.

: Tell him I'm sorry for not having enough service as well!

: Do not worry. I am certain Topaz is more to blame than you were. Speaking of him, where would that traitor happen to be?

: Over there, I think.

*Hikari points to where Topaz and the others are playing, and Marika heads over.*

It looks like I'll be able to win this one! Nothing can stand in my w-

*Topaz gets punched in the face and out of his chair.*

: What the?!

: That's supposed to be my job-I mean, how could you do that.

: I know that you are awake, Topaz. That punch should not have penetrated your defenses.

*Topaz gets up and brushes himself off. As said he is unharmed.*

That is true, but why did you punch me?

: Was it not obvious? You had betrayed my precious Zettai, and I had to exact vengeance.

I suppose that's fair. I'm terrible when it comes to warning him. Or not noticing mamocentric problems. Honestly I'm a terrible friend....

: Do not say such things. You are Zettai's closest friend, and that is the reason he wants you to believe in him so much. He merely has difficulty saying it some times.

: Just because you are fighting for Zettai doesn't mean that you get to punch Topaz in the face though.

: At least introduce yourself.

: I am Marika Tachibana, from Nisekoi!

*Marika awaits the introduction, but finds something unusual.*

: I-is something wrong? I was under the impression that I had to introduce myself.

That's only for Zettai's blog. I introduce the girls here.

: At least the times when he's not lazy. Which being fair is most times.

I'm at least good for introductions though! Though speaking of which, I should ask you if you would like to be talked about Marika.

: I would allow it, but I have concerns about the fanservice.


: Yes. I would like to make sure that you are not just using me as a segue into having... what was it again... Ma-Mimori intercourse? Wait, That is not it.

I think you mean "Mammory Intercourse". Also known as "paizuri".

: Pardon me. I am not used to such... vulgar things.

You shouldn't worry. I'd never take a girl from Zettai.

: I should hope so. But more pressing was that you would randomly cause Tsugumi the cow to approach and enjoy pleasure from her.

I'd never do that to a friend. That sounds way more intentional than I'd do.

: So you say that you have not thought about it?

...Well, NOW I am. But that's only because you've put the idea in my head.

*Riri and Marika combine to punch Topaz over again.*

: There, and did we knock that idiotic idea out of your head?

I think so. So what do you say, Marika?

: I shall allow you to speak about me. Even if your words would be inferior to Zettai's.

I'm just glad that there wasn't potential for overlap as he's already talked about you. But enough delays, it's time to announce that...

Today's girl is:

Marika Tachibana

*Marika gets a coy look on her face.*

: Or perhaps I will make you suffer a little more. You do need to be taught a lesson.

: Just nothing fanservicy.

: Certainly not. Only Zettai is able to enjoy my fat smelly ass.

: So THAT'S what I was smelling! Wheew! How long since you've taken a bath?

: Such things should not concern you.

So what do you want me to do.

: Tell Zettai you're sorry.

Of course! I'm sorry!

: ...One hundred times.


: Isn't that a little excessive?

: It is the only way that Topaz shall learn. But I am in a kind mood, I shall count that as "one".

Well then, ninety-nine to go. Here goes nothing!

*By the end of it Topaz is panting hard.*

: Perfect. Now, I shall allow you the privilege of doing your blog on me.

Pant... pant... Sounds... pant... good...

Hair: Marika has some pluses and minuses, but overall has quite nice hair. It is somewhat long, reaching halfway down to her waist or so. I say "or so" because she has her hair draped over her shoulders. It's a nice length and looks good, though Marika does say that since Raku likes long hair the other girls need to cut theirs. Marika also keeps her hair long for that reason, except for the last chapter (boo horrible haircuts. I blame Nisio Isin somehow). Marika's hair is a nice brown color, though most of the time in the anime it looks more orange (but the good kind, not the kind that looks too close to red for my tastes). Marika also has some nice bangs and I like how her sidecurls sort of curve inward to frame her face well. There are also a few other official variations, such as dual braids or hair-buns in the Majikore phone game, that look nice. As all girls in Nisekoi have some type of symbol Marika's is her sunflower with petals that she keeps in her hair. Overall she does nicely, but that haircut hurts her quite a bit.
Grade: B

Eyes: Marika has nice eyes as well. They match her hair color somewhat, with a darker brown (so maybe it closely follows the manga version) and look quite nice. Sadly she does have a tarame, but it doesn't look bad thanks to the focus being on her upper lid and eyelashes (though it is a shame that her eyelashes are somewhat long). Still, she doesn't look too bad. But what really helps is that she does wear glasses in canon! In the magical girl episodes/spinoff, at least. Sadly they are the kind that hide the eyes (the coke bottle sort) so it doesn't have quite the same appeal normal glasses do. Fortunately it's not all the time, and the manga seems to be better about it so I won't complain too much. Plus the Majikore game helps again, giving Marika a lovely pair of thick-framed pink glasses in certain cards (one has a black pair instead). Wearing glasses certainly helps, though I wish that she would have worn better ones in the series itself.
Grade: B

Face: I really do enjoy the character art in Nisekoi, and Marika's face is no different. She's very cute and has soft looking cheeks. Her head has some very smooth lines which looks nice, and I like how her nose is just a dot most of the time. It's possible that the design is a little simple, but I still enjoy it. I also like how Marika puts her hands up to her mouth quite a bit, as it shows her elegance befitting a lady of her status.
Grade: A

: Ah yes. That does remind me. Zettai's dominant assistant told me to wear these spectacles for additional points.

*Marika puts on thick red-framed glasses.*

: How do they look?


: Hopefully Zettai enjoys this type of fanservice.

: That is not a problem. I had already visited him prior to coming to the restaurant.

: Isn't that a really long trip though? There's not even any buses nearby.

: Shhh, don't ruin the illusion.

: Do note that it was not specifically earlier today that I visited him.

Ah, so prerecorded fanservice?

: Filmed in front of a live audience of Chiaki and Katja, no doubt.

: They were there, but they left us alone. Chiaki seemed quite bothered by all the women going in and out of his house.

She's probably just tired of being gassed out of her house. But speaking of which, how about you tell us about the fanservice?

: Well, it all happened like this...

*Marika begins describing what she did with Zettai as the scene starts to fade out.*

: ...And that is what happened.

*The others are all in shock, so Marika covers her mouth.*

: Dearest me, did I say something rude?

N-no, it's just that it was a little more explicit than I expected.

: I was braced for the worst; I'm more shocked at Topaz's attempts at accents.

Accents are not my strong suit.

: Do not worry. I am sure your readers would understand. But speaking of which, shall we continue with the blog?

Oh yeah. We were still going through that, weren't we? Let's get going!

Build: Marika has a pretty good body overall. Sadly the only measurement we have is that her height is 151 cm (and in the second year she's 152 cm) and she weighs 41 kg (no additional weight mentioned for the second year). This does mean that she's shorter than Raku, who is either 168 cm or 172 cm. In fact, out of the main four harem girls she's the shortest. On the other hand, she is quite cute and the small size does fit her pretty well. Marika has fair legs, and when she shows it she does have a pretty nice butt. Sadly I can't remember any examples, though. I also have to mention that Marika has some undisclosed disease that she's had since childhood. It sucks because it takes her out of the action so often, and as the series went on I was seriously concerned for her well-being. I was very nervous that she would die by the end of the series (fortunately she does not). Overall, Marika is a short yet sexy girl and looks really good.
Grade: B

Chest: Sadly Marika doesn't do as well here. She does have some mamocentric moments, especially in the first season. Luckily she's not Tsugumi so it doesn't become a major character trait, but instead Marika does have a habit of teasing Tsugumi herself. It's possible that she picked this up from her friend Mikage, who is basically an old man in a teen girl's body (well, just the perverse part at least). Still, fortunately for her sake Marika doesn't get too annoying here. I'll also mention that it's possible that she's the second biggest of the main four, but ranks two to four are close and it's hard to say for sure. Oh, and in the magical girl spin-off she does show nipples, which are small and cute.
Grade: B-

Clothes: Marika does really well here. I will say that her standard uniform, which is a black sailor uniform with black skirt and yellow handkerchief around the neck, isn't too special. Still better than the somewhat-generic usual uniforms, though I wouldn't mind the necktie. Marika has a different uniform due to being a transfer student. Marika also has a lot of outfits in the series itself, such as a frilled bikini, a miko outfit, a lovely kimono, a waitress outfit, and a wedding dress. In the magical girl spinoff, as Marika is the daughter of a police officer, her outfit is police-themed with a big pair of handcuffs. I like the fingerless gloves and hat though it's a shame that the skirt is so frilly. Still, I do enjoy the look overall. In other official images she's worn a sundress, a couple gothic lolita outfits with a big scythe for the Divine Gate game, and an idol outfit among others I'm probably forgetting. As I've mentioned before, there's a lot of outfits for in the MajiKore game as well. These include a frilly maid, orange pajamas, a sweater with pantyhose, a nurse's outfit, a white sukumizu, a cat-eared maid, an apron with a bikini under (sadly not showing her ass though), Mami Tomoe's magical girl outfit, a pink bunny girl, a dog-eared police woman with necktie and short skirt, and a gun user with a cape. Overall she has quite a lot of outfits that appeal really well.
Grade: A

: Teacher Teacher-Er, I mean Topaz!

*Hikari interrupts, waving her hand frantically over her head.*


: When is it going to my turn to have the service of the fan kind?

: Wasn't that what your nibbling last time was?

: That totally doesn't count! And I want more than just showing my bare ass!

I'm foolish for thinking that was enough.

: Perhaps, though I imagine that Zettai understood that you didn't want to play around with his favorite and betray him.

That was something I had on my mind, yes.

: Well then, I should just play with Zettai!

: I am certain he would enjoy that.

: But aren't you two stuck here a little bit?

: True, we might have to stay here until Topaz leaves.

: Do not worry. I already have a good plan for when that time comes...

*Marika adjusts the glasses she's still wearing as we enter another fanservice scene.*

: See? That was not much trouble at all, now was it?

: Er, you seem to have a very active imagination...

Nothing wrong with that. It's where the ideas for my blogs come from.

: Then again there may be something wrong with YOUR imagination.

I'm sorry!

: I don't think you need any more apologies. Just get back to your blog.

Sure thing!

Personality: Marika is a really amazing girl. She's the childhood friend of Raku, the male lead (like most of the other girls), but the difference is that Marika dedicated her life to becoming the perfect wife for her. She took into consideration all of his tastes as well, and can even cook very well. She's even working as a waitress to save up money for their perfect home. Marika is cute as she acts like a proper ojou (though with a sly perverse side) but will return to her heavily-accented Kyushu side that is also cute. Well, mostly proper at least as said she does have a teasing side. Marika is the daughter of a dominant but very rich lolihag and a police father, the latter being the one she mainly lives with. She does get kidnapped by her mother and forced to go through marriage, even if she gets rescued by the main characters. Sadly there is a major problem with Marika I haven't mentioned. She is technically an ill girl, with an undisclosed disease. Wait, that's not the bad part; I could deal with it if it didn't lead into her biggest problem. Marika's main flaw is that she gets pushed aside far too much, but both the author and Raku himself. Playing up her disease she's not included in many chapters, even as a cameo or something. There are even chapters, such as the parrot chapter, that SHOULD be Marika's but she barely shows up. And when Marika gets a little focus Chitoge is often there to share it with her, like a disgusting parasite wearing a ribbon. It gets so bad that during the arc where they rescue Marika from her mother Raku makes sure Marika understands that he's not into her that much-TWICE. It's a real shame since she was an interesting character, rather than the generic remaining characters. Other than that, Marika is a great girl with a strong spirit and is extremely devoted which is great.
Ah, and we can't forget that Marika is done by Kana Asumi. She does a great job with both of Marika's speech patterns, the lady-like version (Raku-sama) and the rough accent (Rakkun). She's also a fairly well-known VA, with characters like Kiyal from TTGL, Popura from Working, or Yuna from Hidamari. It's just a shame that Marika didn't win instead of a certain girl she's done who will remain nameless (and I don't mean Nyarlko...). Oh, and the title refers to Marika's nickname when it comes to the seven heroines of Bonyari, though that's only explained in a art book or something (and two of the heroines never show up either).
Grade: A-

Libido: This is one of Marika's strongest points (as if previous areas weren't strong, of course). She is extremely devoted to Raku, spending ten years dedicating herself to becoming his perfect bride. This is even with her sickly body, which means it's even more painful when he doesn't appreciate all the work she's done. Still, Marika does have some great romantic moments though sadly not enough uninterrupted. She's also assertive, though sadly not to the point of being a dominant lover. She also doesn't seem to mind becoming naked in the magical girl series, which helps a little. In the honeymoon OVA she also gives birth to many children (though with sextuplets rather than at different ages) so it's implied that she and Raku are very "productive" in her dreams. Still, it really pains me to know that Raku didn't appreciate her, and same with the fans. Well, the majority of fans at least. Marika had one fan that was really devoted. Y-san from Chiba voted for Marika in popularity polls quite a large number, he sent her shoes for her birthday (which she wore in a results panel), and she even received a deed to the moon from him. I bring this up because, in the last chapter there's a lot of suitors trying to go after Marika and he's the one that she may be scheduled to go meet next. It was nice, not the best ending, but a nice way for the author to show respect for a devoted fan I suppose.
Grade: A

Age: Not much to say here, as Marika is the a first year high school student. Well, she starts out that way and becomes a second year as the series goes on, but still. This puts her at about 15-16, with no precise age (as I even checked Pixiv and the Japanese Wikipedia to make sure xD). Her birthday is March 3rd as well, though sadly this may mean that Raku is slightly older than she is (as his birthday is in December). However, I won't penalize Marika for that as a few months isn't too much of a difference.
Grade: B

Total Grades: 83
Average score: 9.2
Final Grade: B+

And that's the blog for the week. What do you think of it, Marika?

*Marika has both hands covering her mouth.*

: I am actually quite surprised. You gave me more points than Zettai did.

Though still not as much as I did Tsugumi...

: It's alright. I'm sure that Zettai understands that you were sick in the head in the past.

That's fair. And for Zettai's grade I imagine that bombing the "reception" area was what your main problem was. Otherwise you'd be way higher.

: I deserve more love.

: Same for my series!

: Awww, I guess that we're SHAFT waitress buddies then!

: Totally!

*Marika and Arashi hold hands and jump together.*

: A-HEM! Don't we have a game to go back to?

Oh, I was thinking I was just going to wait until next time for that. End of the month and all that.

: Don't be lazy just because the blog is over. The chart parts, I mean.

Fine... But don't come crying to me that you've lost!

: I'll like to see you try!

*The players go back to their seats, and Topaz draws a card to start his turn.*

A-HA! I knew I'd draw something useful!

: Oh? I imagine that you have no chance as you're lacking absolutely anything on your field. Except for, what, Twenty lands?

I shall defeat you with the might of my lands, for I have five of each of my four colors!

: Just get on with it.

Alright then. I'll start by bringing out Yidris, Maelstrom Wielder , my commander!

: Oh yeah. I forgot that Topaz hadn't played his yet.

I was saving it for a special occasion. Now I cast this: Kari Zev's Expertise!

: With that he can steal one of Jun's creatures and attack with it.

I could, but I'm using it on Yidris. Also I can cast a spell costing two or less from my hand, so I cast Psychotic Fury. Now Yidris has Haste and Double Strike! I can also draw a card as well.

: A worthy attacker, but you'll never get through my defenses!

Perhaps, but I cast this-Whispering Madness and cipher it onto my Yidris.

: That means that all of us have to discard our hands and draw three cards since Jun's hand contained that many.


: I still don't see what your plan is.

It's all up to chance... But to start, I'll have to attack you Riri.

: M-me?

Yes, it is quite vital.

: But if you do that, you'll knock me out.

That is true, but if we're going to stand a chance against Jun I'll have to sacrifice you.

: Alright... Just be sure that this is going to work.

I don't.

: I figur-WHAT? WAIT!

Yidris, attack Ririchiyo directly!

*Topaz deals 10 damage to Ririchiyo, knocking her out of the game.*

: I don't see what that had to do with defeating me...

Cipher activates since Yidris dealt combat damage-TWICE! As a result I get to cast Whispering Madness two more times!

*Topaz and Jun discard their hands. They then draw cards and discard again before drawing three cards.*

: This is getting annoying.

: Luckily Yidris only affects cards cast from the hand as this would have caused a cascading effect of spells!

: But you'd have to be someone really stupid to not notice that part and base his entire winning strategy on that. Right, Topaz?

Grumble grumble stupid technicalities. Fortunately, I still have a lot more mana left. For THIS: Maelstrom Wanderer!

: Oh well. What is haste going to help you for?

It's not that. It's the fact that it has Cascade!

: Also Cascade.

And more Cascade.

: And yet more Cascade. Every card with "Then do it again" is awesome.

: What does that mean?

That means that I get to look through the top of my deck and cast the first non-land card that costs lower than Maelstrom Wanderer for free!

: And with the Wanderer's high cost that might just be any card from Topaz's deck!

Right. So let's see what the first card is!

*Topaz flips over the first card. It's a black one, but Topaz looks disappointed.*

: What is it?

I was hoping to get this a little bit later, but here goes Tendrils of Agony!

: That only takes two of my life though. I can see it saving you for a turn MAYBE but-

: Read the last part of the card.

: O-oh...

That's right. I was expecting to get this later as it has Storm.

: Ah, the horribly broken Storm. With it Topaz would have been able to cast it many times. Then again, considering he will cast it SEVEN TIMES it still takes a good chunk out of Jun's life total.

: Grrr. I guess I'm lucky that didn't come later. Go on, look at the next card!

Alright then. I hope that it's good.... Wheel of Fate!

: I-is that good?

Not terrible. We again discard our hands and draw seven cards.

*Topaz and Jun draw, both their decks looking mighty thin.*

Aww, and I drew Grapeshot. That would have been great to cast.

: You're still only halfway through the Cascades.

Fair point. But for the next card we have... Bloodbraid Elf.

: Somehow I'm not surprised that you have elves in your deck, Topaz...

This one even has it's own Cascade effect as well. But for now let's look at the next card... Wheel of Fortune.

*Topaz and Jun look at their short decks and gulp. They discard their hands and fortunately have enough cards to draw, but just barely.*

Looks like I'm on my last card.

: Oh no! Jun has two of them left!

: Mwahaha. And you'll use up your last card with Bloodbraid's effect. There's no way that you can win now!

Unless I pull some sort of mill effect at the last minute!

: Show your last card, Topaz! The tension is building up!

...Ancestral Vision. Jun, draw three cards.

: N-no... I can't lose like this!

: You've already lost!

I guess I really pulled that off!

: I knew that you weren't sure with this...

: But it still worked out well, and Jun lost. Besides, aren't games a little fun when they're risky?

Exactly. And now that we've won I believe that we should be going...

: NO!

*Jun slams the table and a couple of cards come out of her sleeves.*

: Wait! Does this mean that she was cheating?

: She's a smelly cheater! And I know "smelly", as Marika is right here!

: Zettai loves my rear end's odors, and that is all that matters to me. But I do have to agree with these two. You have besmirched the honor of the game.

: I-Er, I got help from a friend who told me to do it. I-I mean... LOOK, A UFO!

*Topaz looks but the girls don't. Jun runs to the exit just as the door swings open, hitting her in the face. Two waitresses with short orange-ish hair come enter.*


: Infamy! Valentino! You've finally made it!

Posted by emperortopaz | Jul 20, 8:19 AM | 0 comments