Prayer X

"If there's any meaning to this life, please tell me what it is."

(WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF BANANA FISH AND ALSO SENSITIVE TOPICS LIKE DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE, DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS)

"Prayer X" is a song ( and also the first ending of "Banana Fish") of the japanese singer "King Gnu", released on September 19 of 2018.

The music video is very sperimental, in fact it has the genre 'dementia' and also contains themes of despair and reflections on the meaning of life.

The music video is left to the interpretation of the watcher, so it can have various meanings, however, my personal ... interpretations is this:


The protagonist of the story is a depressed young man, who cannot see any color in his life. He has a beautiful talent, he can play piano, however his talent will be used for an evil purpose: control people's mind to rule the world. We can see a lot of people who are praying, controlled by the power of his music. We can also see people forcing the young man to write new music, blackmailing him with money. The young man is then full of shame and regrets, thinking on how he destroyed his and the other people's lives. He doesn't love his passion anymore, and because of that, he cannot see any other reason to live anymore. At the end of the music video, he will be stabbed by one of the prayers who probably was faking of being mind controlled or was envious of him without seeing his sadness, however he will not die, so he will shoot himself in the head, finally leaving his cruel world behind.

This music video is obviously a metaphor that wants to portrait how society can destroy people's happiness and passions, and even lead a person to suicide. The world is too much corrupt and wrong, and that's why we should do something to stop this.

Here's the translation of the song:

If my overflowing tears shine as brightly as my life in this moment,

amidst the daily repetition of meetings and farewell,

just what am I supposed to believe in?

We were all crying aloud from the moment we were born.

Not wanting my life to be snatched away from me,

I fought for it with everything I had.

If I were to pull out the knife that has pierced my heart

in that instant, all of my tears would come gushing out,

wouldn't they?

If my overflowing tears shine as brightly as my life in this moment,

amidst the daily repetition of meetings and farewell,

just what am I supposed to believe in?


I've been hiding behind a carefree smile.

Has this lie I crafted in order to live already become real?

I don't know anymore.

I have already lost sight of the place I called "home".

Longing for and being swallowed up by daylight,

today again, you'll gaze at the sky, won't you?

If there's any meaning to this life, please tell me what it is.

Amidst the daily fleetingness,

after we've drank all of our pain and sadness,

just what are we supposed to believe in?

If my overflowing tears shine as brightly as my life in this moment,

amidst the daily repetition of meetings and farewell,

just what am I supposed to believe in?



This song also represents a lot Ash Lynx's life :

He has suffered since childhood, he suffered sexual abuse and had to kill people in order to survive, he thought 'till the end that he was just too much corrupt and damaged already to be fixed. He just lived too much despite being young, and also, because of all the suffering he had, he doesn't think he deserves any happiness, just like people with depression and that suffered an abuse usually think.

I also am a victim of an abuse, and it lead me to think I didn't deserve any happiness and that I would never be happy again. I thought that everything was my fault. Just like Ash, I've suffered an abuse that made me think life wasn't worth living, and that made me had guilt feelings and nightmares for years, not being able to enjoy anything, neither my friend,neither my passions. I couldn't see any point in leaving the bed anymore.

However, fortunately I was able to overcome it.

I could do it, but sadly, many people do not succeed in overcoming traumas, especially because they do not have any help or support, or simply because they are too tired of living.

That's why whe should do everything we can to help people with mental illness and that suffered an abuse, because they deserve happiness and love more than anyone.

If you suffered an abuse, either physical or psychological, please do not accept your situation and reach for help, because trust me it's never your fault and It's not true that you don't deserve happiness. You're a victim that needs help and understanding, and also you're much stronger than what you think.

Thanks for reading my review, and sorry for being so personal like always XD

Have a great time on mal! <3