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INTERGALACTIC ALLIANCE DECREE
We, the members of the Underside of Kitten Paw, have forge a new alliance with Catia. This partnership will not only enhance the prosperity and trust between us, but, also, to affirm our Goddess and Savior is the one and only Eris. We swear to assist and provide protection against enemies that endanger the safety and well-being of our Goddess and her fellow Catians. In return, we only ask that the Goddess, herself, graces us with her presences from time to time.
SIX ORDINANCES
In an effort to build a stronger relationship with our fellow Catians, we have observed 12 videos that detail our Goddess’ life and her daily encounters with Earth’s surroundings. We have, therefore, written six ordinances that follow our Goddess’ behavior. All current and future members should follow these ordinances:
1) Thou Shalt Worship Cat Ears and Cat Tails
– Cat ears and cat tail have been adored by hundreds of people around the world. They evoke emotions of cuteness, of softness, and of fluffiness. We have satisfied our love by wearing fake cat ears and cat tails. That is, until the arrival of our Goddess, Eris; her authentic cat ears and cat tails prove that the real ones are far superior to fakes. We can toss aside our fakes, and worship the real ones. Praise those lovely cat ears and cat tails!
2) Thou Shalt Not Kill
– As stated by Catian law, murder is not permitted. As such, bullets and other devices that dissolve inorganic matter, while preserving organic matter was developed. We approve such a respectable law and have adopted it ourselves. The results were impressive! Our Goddess battled against tanks, but they were easily dissolved by the touch of her hammer, leaving behind no vehicle and only naked men. Our Goddess’ friends used magic bullets on assassins, and on Russian soldiers. The results: nothing left behind, but naked individuals. What our Goddess is telling us is to humiliate our enemies by stripping them nude.
3) Enemies of Catia Shall Be Our Enemy
– In the beginning, our enemies were members of the Beautiful Contact led by Maki Itokazu, Aoi from the Immigration Bureau of Japan, and Manami Kinjou from the CIA recruitment program. Their target was to eliminate our Goddess, Eris. However, one person stood by her, his name was Kio Kakazu. This young boy stopped the attacks and managed to recruit and convince Aoi, Manami Kinjou, and Maki Itokazu into saving Eris from a military compound. Then, afterwards, our brilliant Goddess sent a message to her mothership, telling them that the grilled beef was excellent, which prompted them to appear overhead. They signed a treaty with the Japanese Government and, thus, are not considered an enemy. This prevented future attacks from the Beautiful Contact, Immigration Bureau of Japan, and the CIA. Then, a new enemy appeared called Dogisia. They attacked a ship with our Goddess and her friends on board, hoping to sink the ship and take our Goddess with it. They attacked a camp site where our Goddess and her friends were eating. They raided the Catian Embassy (i.e. Kio’s house). And they attacked a Catian ship, which had other catians. In the end, they were annihilated in space. We assisted our Goddess and her friends by providing money, weapons, and fighting maids. Fuck with us! And our maids will kill you!
4) Thou Shalt Wear Skimpy Clothing or None At All
– It would seem our Goddess loves to walk around in bare clothing, wearing, sometimes, only underwear and a long shirt. Most times, she wears her alien cat suit and swimsuit to flaunt her large breast, a very proud thing to display. Her friends, on the other hand, go to more extreme lengths. Members of Catian mothership, wore nothing, but typical Japanese swimsuits to a negotiation, it was very effective. Aoi and Manami sometimes fight in ridiculous clothing, such as a Gundam suit and a playboy suit. They, also, fought with no clothing at all. Based on our Goddess’ and her friends’ behavior, it would seem wearing skimpy clothing is appropriate for any situation, as everyone around them seem completely oblivious to it.
5) Thou Shalt Forgo Traits That Develop One’s Character
– Our Goddess has encountered many people on Earth, and they all share one similarity. They all lack some character traits or backstory. The members of Catian mothership, what is their backstory, why do they want to fly this specific ship and their reasons for exploring the galaxy? Well, to us, members of Underside of Kitten Paw, we have no need to understand this information. Kio Kakazu seems to be a good-natured person, who is kind, caring, and really dense when it comes to love. Aoi is your typical shy girl whose crush just so happens to be near her target person. Manami Kinjou is a gun frantic with a tomboy attitude and personality, who is always complaining. Maki Itokazu is a teacher, the leader of the Beautiful Contact and that’s it, from thereon, she complains that our Goddess, Eris, is not a real alien. The villain, Janes, has a motive for her actions, but her personality is one-dimensional, it never changes. We, as members of this organization, should strive to not have any traits that develop one’s character.
6) Thou Shalt Respect the Catian Customs and Laws
– There were several Catian Laws that we would like to acknowledge: (1) Polyamory – when a man can have more than one lover, this practice was the solution to Kio’s problem when he was loved by Aoi, Manami, and Eris, our Goddess. This directly resulted in a harem ending. (2) On the 16th birthday, our Goddess went into heat and was having sexual desires, unfortunately, it hindered her fighting abilities and, thus, she had to take a pill to end her mating period. (3) All Catians must own an assist-a-roid, this machine can pretty do anything, except talk, they have no mouths and no emotionally responses.
By following these six ordinances, we hope that our relationship with Catians rises. We hope that one day, we may obtain a power to grow cat ears and cat tails. We hope that our Goddess continues to grace us with her presences.
All Hail Our Goddess!
All Hail Eris!
All Hail Eris!
