"It's shit."
Shit Art Online, is essentially, shit. I don't even need to delve deep into this. It's laced with god awful writing, and panders to every autistic teenager on the planet. It's like a kid's fantasy, put onto paper and given a budget. Any teenager with angst could write this plot, and write it better than the hack of a writer that got it published.
Our protagonist, Gary Stu, is the best ever. He gets the best drops and weapons. He's one of the only players to get a unique skill. He gets the boss kills. He gets the most beautiful girl in the game, who also, coincidentally, is one of the best players. He also gets his own harem of good looking females, in a game which is supposed to make up of a small female population. He beats the game (Hurr Durr what a surprise) and saves everyone. My hero!
But why? Was it through character development? The power of friendship? Luck? No, no, and no. It's just because he does. Because he's the main character. Because the author loves his fantasy, where he is the alpha male, and where every desire can be fulfilled.
It's called self-insert. It's what you are doing. Stop it. It ruins the fun for everyone else.
Now, there is nothing wrong with having a fantasy. But when you go and rate a show a 10, which has more plot holes than a hooker has STD’s, we have a serious problem.
Despite the whole "death game" concept, there is no danger whatsoever thanks to Mr. Emoangstsoloplayer. Anyone who dies does it off screen, or we are told about it. Or, we meet them for as long as it takes to remember their vague design, and then they get killed off. What was her name again? Huh funny, I can’t remember since she was on screen for 10 minutes. So it's almost like they didn't die at all. Now that kept me on the edge of my seat. And then the one time someone should die, he doesn’t! Holy shit how’d that happen?!? Fucking magic, man I tell ya.
And there’s plenty of times where someone should die, but through some magical ass pull, save themselves and accomplish what they set out to do anyway. What’s the point in suspense if we already know the outcome? Jumping on a dragon to escape a giant pit? Why even have scientific laws that prevent people from doing the impossible when they can pull shit like this? This isn’t a super robot show, where the explicitly tell you to kick logic to the curb. Pathetically, the show tries to force a sense of realism down my throat I can’t swallow.
There's also a lack of depth to every character. The villain makes the game because HE CAN, Asuna stands there and looks pretty, the more interesting side characters (Klein, Gilbert and I had to look those names up, I wanted to say red hair and black guy) get swept aside by Mr. Gay personified and become wallpaper. The protagonist couldn’t be any more of a teenage faggot. I've had enough with these cardboard thin backgrounds and personalities; kill them off and be done with it. I'm in a kiddie pool and drowning here, even though it's shallow like this stories writing.
The Op by LiSa is by far the best thing about this show besides the quality budget. It's a good thing Asuna's ass won't look ugly, because there is nothing else to look at here folks. Seriously, I found at least 10 moments where a females ass took up half the screen in plain sight. Have the decency to at least put it in the background. We all know who your marketing is targeted towards.
Don’t even mention the horrid pacing. The show attempts to cram big chunks of story into singular episodes and falls flat on its face. How am I supposed to come to relate to a character if I only know them for a short period of time? Yet somehow these girls come to fall in love with the main character, within 10-15 minutes of meeting the! It’s asinine how a logical human being can call that development. I shall point it out again; it’s all for the sake of the fantasy. A romance show you say? Excuse me while I fall into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Shit Art Online’s writing is equivalent to that of an Inuyasha fan fiction written by an overweight fujoshi. The writer was a very young man when he wrote the first novel, as apparent by his lack of talent or any of resemblance of skill. “Two years’ worth of semen made a glopping noise as it flowed endlessly into Asuna.” Now I realize this line is novel only, but it does mean something when it comes to the show. Do you really think a man, who could seriously and EARNESTLY write a line like that, could write a good story? Doesn’t that line just make you want to crack up? And can anyone tell me what a glopping noise sounds like?
Must sound like shit.
