I love yuri. I got into it a few years ago but I haven't actually read too many yuri manga, so I've been binge reading a good chunk of them. I like the idea of a fun yuri harem - something like "Sorry, I'm not into Yuri!" is pretty good, for example - and I had heard this was "one of the best" so of course I had to check it out. I want to preface this, too, that this manga is not nearly as explicit as the aforementioned "Sorry, I'm not into Yuri!" although it does contain some sexual assault and an incredibly mind-boggling depiction of an indecisive and confused victim of such.
Now, this series started off fairly okay. I enjoyed the basic premise - a girl with social anxiety trying her best to fit in but ultimately failing, and then unintentionally capturing the heart of the most popular girl in school - it's fun, it's stupid and that's all it needs to be. Mai's demeanor and contrasting personality was pretty funny, and I felt I could look forward to how the series may deal with handling Renako (the protagonist) and her traumatic past wrought by social ineptitude. I love stories that handle anxiety well, and I wanted to see how it may come into play here, because the characters were having more intricate conversations than a lot of the other yuri manga I'd read as of late.
However, I was betrayed.
First, I want to point out that the school and characters' incessant praise for Mai and the pretentiousness that comes with it is genuinely annoying. It feels like nobody actually wants to be friends with Renako because they just care about Mai - and they know that Renako is close to Mai, so in turn they're just using Renako to get to Mai. You'd think this would be an actual personal conflict to Renako's character, but it isn't. She just jokes about it and moves on. I also just can't stand the whole attitude of "Mai is perfect and if you think otherwise, you're wrong." That is literally how everyone in the manga feels and it is asinine.
It's just annoying when you think Renako is going to get closer to a character, but it ultimately feels like that character is just another person in love with Mai and is just using Renako for that purpose. It doesn't help that all the praise makes Mai an incredibly arrogant and forceful character - which leads to the next issue that served as the first red flag for this story.
Essentially, there is a scene (which, btw, I have no idea what discussions of this series are like, but it seems on quick glance that people take issue with this too) where Mai sexually assaults Renako in her bedroom until Renako's little sister walks in. Renako slaps Mai, telling her to get out, to which she does. Okay, cool, actual serious conflict here. Mai was rightfully slapped by Renako for forcing herself on her. Awesome.
Just kidding. Not awesome - because now the story essentially frames everything as if RENAKO is in the wrong. Satsuki - another character and close friend to Mai - speaks to Renako on the issue and, while also telling Renako that she is a loser that doesn't fit in, makes it seem as if Renako is in the wrong for what she did, reinforcing Renako's ridiculous sense of guilt. Not only this, but now Mai does something irritatingly contradictory to her character - although she told Renako that she would never give up or break up with her, she immediately, while sulking about getting in trouble for SAing her, starts setting up "lovers candidate" auditions, searching for a new person to potentially become her lover. This forces Renako to feel she needs to APOLOGIZE for slapping Mai for SAing her, as if SHE were in the wrong. GOD it makes me so frustrated thinking about it, especially because Mai acts like the victim herself. This solidified that I no longer liked Mai, and I held onto the hope that the harem elements coming in later would improve my enjoyment.
I was wrong again.
I won't get into it too deeply this time, but Satsuki's arc afterwards is also frustrating. Her emotions are needlessly complicated and it's incredibly hard to tell if she has romantic feelings for Mai, Renako, or both, and because of that I have a hard time discerning her true intentions towards Renako - who to me, is more important, as she is the protagonist. It's implied that Satsuki cares about her, but she also has blatant moments of what is essentially a confession to Mai, so I don't know, man. It doesn't help that literally everyone in this is wishy-washy about what love is. It's not that hard, guys. It's SERIOUSLY NOT THAT COMPLICATED. I'm assuming this arc is where the complaints of NTR come from. At the end of the day, I don't get it. Satsuki is also annoying for circling back to becoming senselessly rude again, but also because she seems disingenuous. I just do not get it.
For this last portion, I want to say that I now find Renako equally as irritating as everyone else. Her nonstop insistence on this nonsensical, sloppily manufactured distinction between lovers and friendship becomes an incredible detriment to the series the deeper you delve inside. At this point, her absolute denial at feeling any sort of romantic interest in any of the girls around her is the most frustrating thing I have experienced in a manga in a very long time. She is constantly - and I mean CONSTANTLY - thinking these nit-picky, indecisive, wimpy, loud, and presumptuous things about any attractive girl that she interacts with to the point where she keeps saying the absolute most dense and annoying thing possible to said girl because she's so nonsensically afraid of feeling any sort of romantic affection towards them. It's even more frustrating when she is constantly telling Sena, one of the other girls, that she is her "angel" or her "number one" or that "her smile is her light in the darkness" or that she just loves her so, so so much but doesn't actually mean that in a romantic sense and will go out of her way to deny any hint of that ever happening ever because................ who knows. I want to put her in a chokehold and call her an idiot. I have never been so mad at a protagonist in a long time. She needs to shut up and just say the right thing, which isn't hard in her circumstance. Instead we get some boring compilation of "problematic" inner conflicts that at this point make no sense and only exist to keep the plot going. If Sena wants to go to the hot spring with you, just go! You're both girls, who cares?! If she wants to cuddle and you love her "sososososososo" much, just do it! What's the issue? I don't get it, man! I don't! And I'm stressed! And angry!
Okay... seriously, though. I am so disappointed with this manga. The character relationships are frustratingly wishy-washy, the protagonist has issues that are depicted superficially and without care, the dialogue and micro-decisions made throughout the interactions, especially by our protagonist, are genuinely infuriating because of how senseless she is. It's crazy how you can write a character that can convince the reader of this facade that they genuinely understand what it's like to be a socially anxious loser, only for them to actually not understand emotional conflict at all and instead will stutter and yell her way through unambiguous scenarios with simple answers. Ah! Oh no! I might see another girl naked in the bath! I should do everything I can to tell her I don't want to, even though it clearly left her disappointed!
I wanted to like this manga so bad, and I will keep up with it solely because I spent time reading the 50 or so chapters of it that already exist. However, every turn of the page seems to anger me now. Renako needs to change. I genuinely don't think my heart can handle it, in a bad way. Maybe I should just drop it after all.
Anyway, unless you enjoy an atrocious attempt at writing intricate character relationships with baffling narrative decisions and a bumbling idiot of a main protagonist that only retains the shallow facade of emotional ingenuity, I personally would not recommend this. I never thought a protagonist could make me so hostile, and I've seen and read a ton of stuff. It's been a while since I've felt this way. I pray that you spare yourself from the same.
