'Platitudes: The Almost-Musical'
West Side Story was innovative, equally actual from a political POV today as it was back then, thought-provoking even, for it is not a simple LEFT good, RIGHT bad. La La Land's cinematography was on point, the songs were memorable and I still listen to them even now, almost 6 years later. And it had Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in there. Moulin Rouge? I remember it being the first movie that made me feel really emotional and it's 10 times cheesier, dumber and less natural when it comes to human interactions. But I don't hate it either. It's cute, it's nice, it's an adventure about a singing robot-waifu making friends with your average group of high-schoolers. It's not a bad movie by any means. Actually all of them had great music, besides Sing a Bit of Harmony.
Having given those 3 examples, I feel like I have created some sort of pattern for what makes a good musical in my book. I feel like this movie fails in these aspects. The message, despite being quite morally-heavy, is not that interesting and neither is it thought-provoking, for it doesn't bring anything new regarding the topic. However, I'll be fair: It's a nice message and raising awareness about the corporate-AI relationship won't get old anytime soon. It might also be someone else's first contact with the idea and it might change his life completely. Who knows? So... Let's say this part is serviceable.
Next, the songs. I'm sorry, but this is nowhere near Belle even, which has aired recently. I have watched it twice already and I don't think there has been a single song that managed to escape the 'generic musical' mould you'd see in a middle school recital. I get it, it's supposed to be about high schoolers so it's fitting, but I genuinely don't care. Anthem of the Heart was in exactly the same spot, yet I really liked its songs, I found them memorable - here only the martial arts sequence one was quite close; actually that was one of the best scenes in this movie and it also had a nice transition thrown in there. It has plenty of energy, it is vibrant, it was a great hook for me, even 40 mins into the movie. But everything was sort of thrown away when we switched to the next scene. The voice acting is nice and the sound design is not lacking in any aspects, but if a musical fails to deliver on songs, I'm not gonna be the biggest fan. This is, by far, my biggest issue with this movie. I mean.. I'd even go as far as claiming that I like Annie get your gun more just because it had a really, REALLY good song, in spite of the ideological garbage that that movie is.
How about the cinematography? Don't get me wrong. It looks good overall, the animation is solid and there are some nice catches here and there, but they are few and far between. Dune was good because it was very orange. Zhang Yimou's movies are good because they are very red and so on (obviously kidding). But this movie was neither orange, nor red. Heck, Belle played a lot with the shots, it made great use of stills and close-ups, of long-shots, of everything. They were a part of the story. This one's most memorable cinematographic achievement was the fact that the videocalls were low quality and pixelated. Just like in real life. The future is grim. It doesn't matter if we have AI close to passing the Turing or the Coffee test, we will still have shitty internet connection and FHD-only videocalls. A point could also be made in favour of blue in some sequences, but when the scene switches, the emotion meant to be felt remains the same, yet you have a vividly-coloured, unfiltered shot, I don't think the point stands.
Lastly... emotion. In essence, the first half of the movie is a human drama involving a group of high-schoolers. Great. It's just like Hibike Euphonium and I can't watch Hibike without bawling my eyes out every few eps. The main difference is that this one lacks the solid cast of characters and that affects the world in itself. You'll say 'but this is limited by its run time, you dummy'. Moulin Rouge is equally limited and it is a very simple story. Yet it makes an over-the-top setup presented in a similar way feel more tangible than a simple, every day one most of us have been a part of: high-school. A human drama is at its best when we can believe in the world and characters. It relies on keeping you high-key engaged emotionally or at least mentally. If a movie or a series lacks a hook and you never become truly engaged in the first place, it will be hard to fully appreciate it. Satine has this allure to her, she's very charismatic and you can understand everyone's obsession with her. It's easy to get charmed by a courtesan and that role fits Nicole Kidman like a glove. It all boils down to the fact that I couldn't care about what happened, and probably didn't like the movie that much overall because no matter how nice a world you build, I'd dock a few points if the inhabitants are uninteresting. And it's not all about charisma or the like. You can have a more 'supportive' personality steal the show like Kumiko in Hibike. I couldn't find an anchor - someone to care about. The interactions between said characters have much more depth than your average romcom tou (not to diminish the latter's value) and I appreciate that, but does that really matter if you don't care about the ones interacting? That would work for me in a non-character-driven drama where the story is top-notch or the world is very interesting in itself. I'm sure that I would have liked it so much more if there was at least one character I'd root for.
In spite of my random rambling, I don't hate it. I do, in fact, sort of like it. It is also a movie about a group of friends, one which happens to contain a not-so-sentient AI (more of them?). It's a pretty good human drama at times... and then the police gets involved and THEY'VE GOT A MOPED INSIDE THE BUILDING and the battery's dead. Timeout. A confession, which becomes one of the funniest scenes from the movie for some reason, being a prime example of the limitations Boolean logic suffers from. And then every AI around suddenly understands what's happened to one of their own and they decide to switch sides. It's The Terminator all over again, but with dance and music. And laser beams.
You get the point, it's a fun movie. But it fails as a musical in my book. And it also doesn't have either Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone in it. 6 out of OH YES OH YES OH YES WE BOTH OH YES WE BOTH OH YES WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN THE GUN THE GUN THE GUN OH YES WE BOTH REACHED FOR THE GUN, a pretty good movie, but a pretty bad musical. Of course, if you take it as satire, it's another story. But you need to understand what makes a good musical in order to satirize it. If you don't, all you end up with is a pointless parody that should at least be funny.
Edit: was a 5 because I cannot count anything that goes beyond 1 hand, it gets complicated :V The individual scores given to each aspect reflected something else.
