I'll start off with the best part of Homunculus, the main character.
Nakoshi, what a character. He is lost. He has no notion of who he is. At the outset, Nakoshi regards his left eye to be a mere illusion, as pointed out by his acquaintance Ita. Take note the left eye is his unconscious, his right eye being his initial "truth", his initial reality. However, Nakoshi comes to realize that his whole life was a lie. Money, women, status were all just material things and hence gave no value or answer in terms of self-identity. He had the "ideal" life, money, women etc. But what's the point if he doesn't have himself. He turns to his left eye, which shows his homunculi. Mere reflections of himself and his own nature. He's staring right back at himself. His left eye gradually becomes his "reality" and in turn a key to unlocking the "truth": his past. Nakoshi neglected his past to a point where he no longer can recognize himself anymore. Is he no longer human? What does it mean to be human? Nakoshi's car is his womb, him sleeping in a foetal position symbolises that. But his car is parked at one place. Between a hotel and a park full of the homeless. He is in the middle, he is homeless but still tends to hold on to the lie (suit, car). His car is parked as he is going nowhere. No destination. He is stuck in the present (the lie). What's the use of a car if there's nobody to drive it. In other words, where are you going if not to yourself. Where can you go without yourself?
We say Nakoshi's eyes symbolize his unconscious and consciousness. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. So then, without his eyes, who is Nakoshi?
The leaves that start to appear in the manga, later on, are a personification of Nakoshi himself. He is no longer a tree (stubborn, egotistical, unaccepting of who he is) but now is a leaf (free, no place to go). Nakoshi stays in his car, parked in one spot with no destination. He is bound by his subconsciousness, until he makes it conscious. When Nakoshi finally sees his truth, he says "is this Heaven". He has found it, what he was desperately trying to escape, he has now accepted. Yet he is still in his distortion of reality. This is not the Absolute truth as the text speech comes from his right side (the lie). Also in the next panel he says "or hell". It focususes of his left eye (conscious truth) which seems empty. A void of nothingness. This is the Absolute Truth, the objective reality. The truth that Nakoshi's entire life was a lie. Everything he ever did was to impress society and "climb the ladder" when in retrospect he was only going deeper into the abyss of confusion. In the manga he often asks "who am I?". When Nakoshi finally realises this truth he finds true peace:
"Am I in Heaven?"
A moments bliss: pure fulfillment. He has found is truth.
However in the very next panel he questions himself yet again:
"or hell?"
The dynamic between these two panels are phenomenal.
Nakoshi has found his truth that he's been so desperately trying to neglect up till now, however, though it is the truth, it is hellish. The mere thought of knowing your entire life was a lie will mentally break anyone. Even if Nakoshi accepts this truth, what then? What does he have but himself? If his whole life is a lie, he has nothing but himself. Hence in the end all he sees are reflections of himself.
The topic of "truth" is something Homunculus deals with better than any other piece of art, and how it can take infinite forms. There is one Absolute Truth, but its something people can't reach. We do not hold such power to know. We all have our own truth, our own thoughts. Since thoughts are forms (forms being distortions of reality aka self interpretations of the absolute truth). This are MY thoughts of the manga, MY distortions of reality, MY perspective, MY view, hence MY homunculus. You have your own homunculus, your perspective of reality. Of the "truth". This shows that the truth can be subjective and nobody will know the Absolute Truth [the objective]. We are not God, but Humans.
At the very beginning of the manga Nakoshi states "humans are more machines than machines are". Yet later he contradicts himself and says "humans are not machines". We don't do this cycle of life [e.g study, work, get paid, women, settle down, have kids, retire, die. ] for just a means of being machine like, but instead to distract ourselves from our own truth. Our life is created by lies: social influence, money and power don't help us find ourselves but rather pushes us away from our own self. ReIating back to Nakoshi, imagine losing yourself to a point where society dictates your self-image entirely, and you have no individual sense of self. Nothing is more terrifying. And I think themes and subjects like these is what truly makes Homunculus so special. It relates back to us, the reader and our own life.
The ending is so powerful as it all depends on how you percieve it. It reflects the message back onto you. If you think it was a sad ending because Nakoshi lost his ego, then a part of you finds interest in the material world. The reality that Nakoshi is completely neutral at this point. He is centered. It's not happy or sad, because both of these feelings require a FEELER, someone that can feel those emotions. if your consciousness cannot observe those emotions, how can they be good or bad? No. The manga reflects our own humanity onto us and makes us feel negative, human emotions at something that is inherently neutral is simply mindboggling to me.
The way this manga deals with suffering is unbelievable also. It not only affirms our humanity, but it sends us such a powerful message that our suffering is FINITE, it's transient. It's a form. And when we are gone, it won't matter anymore.
With that in mind, now the question remains, whats worse? Going through an incredible amount of mental, physical and emotional pain and suffering your entire life, or simply not existing at all?
This is why this ending is legendary, it makes you reflect on what is worse, and that shows you your perception of reality. On one hand, everything is gone, your ego, your money, women, family, emotions, the ability to feel. This is what Nakoshi chooses, to simply not exist. He exists only within himself. To him, there is now nobody but himself, he is void of emotion, neutral and centered. The other option (the one nakoshi neglected) was to live life but with endless pain and suffering.
You could say Nakoshi is no longer human. But what makes you more human than him? Isn't your life a lie?
Yet despite all this, I still believe in the choice of life. As I said, suffering is finite. It's a part of life and it only affirms our existence. When we die we lose the privelage to suffer, to live. So be a proud sufferer as it only makes us more "human". I say human but one question still remains? What does that word even mean?
Humanity obsesses with glorifying the falshood and the LIES (material life). Money wealth etc etc is all just a lie. Empty. Nothing. We lie as sometimes the truth can be the most painful thing of all. We lie to give us emotional protection. We lie to hide ourselves from our own reality. The truth of who we are. If everything is a lie? Where is the truth? What makes me a person? What drives me forward each day. I won't have the answer to that as the only person who can is yourself. The answer lies within you. Who are you but not yourself. Where can you go without yourself. Never forget who you are. Be who you want to be. Nothing else can be more "human".
So now ask yourself,
For YOU...
"What does it mean to be human?".
Homunculus - strong 10/10
