This show contains scenes of graphic lolita violence , as well as numerous murders commit by green haired girls. If your hearth is weak or you dislike seeing a river of blood coming out of a person's neck , you might want to stop reading and head to over to watch Kyoro-chan.
Ok , now all the girls and sissy men have left , let's take our magical briefs and jump right into the bloody mess of confusion called Higurashi.
The anime contains all the required otaku elements for the creation of harem oxide. The elements in question are : twin sister , a compound of two lolis , a moe neutron (she always uses the phrase "I wanna take it home" , which implies she wants to form a covalent bond with a certain chemical) and a gay carbon atom.
This anime also introduces the concept of different dimensions which means love shapes such as love triangles and rectangles can turn into love cubes and triangular prisms.
The plot itself is made of reusing the same goddamn concept without explaining jackshit , each alliteration of the crimes is basically a spin-off show of the other - one of the characters goes loko and kills everyone.Hooray!
The story is divided into 3 parts : the question arcs ( also knows as the 'WTF arc') , the answer arcs (also known as 'MINDFUCK arc") and the filler arcs (also known as the 'actual plot').
After finding out that K wasn't the main character I couldn't help but feel that the whole anime was designed for the single purpose of trolling the viewers.
The anime takes place in a village called Hinamizawa , which is situated in the upper middle equatorial subhemisphere of the pacific indian ocean. The village lacks any technology , which makes the villagers very frustrated as they are unable to fulfill their anime-related desires. When such an otaku is deprived of moe for too long he starts to develop what is called the Hinamizawa syndrome. It's basically like having suicidal intent but instead of having a clean death by hanging yourself , they use their nails to chop of their own necks. Lovely. The moral? Never take anime away from an otaku - he is going to break your kneecaps and then rip your hearth out to show it to you. Then proceed to shove it down your throat just to steal it AGAIN.
Like most viewers , I was very pleased to see some characters die.
......
However.
......
THEY JUST WON'T STAY DEAD. DIE BITCHES- DIE.
I mean seriously , in MY anime , people DIE WHEN THEY ARE KILLED.
Not this anime , oh no. Logic won't work here , the only way to understand the work of a troll is to become one!
The characters are BUTTS.
Badass
Ultimate
Tranquil
Terminators
Salami!
So here they are in all their glory:
Maebara 'K' Keichii - A man must have big balls to go through a populated village in a maid suit. When you start the anime you might think : " Oh this guy looks like a complete loser - surely he must be the main character. And oh look is that Harem member #1? " But no , fuck you Ryukishi07 , misleading us like that.
Sonozaki Shion and Mion - They trolled us by [huge fucking spoiler ahead] ....... having green hair. Also they are very similar in appearance - I just can't seem to figure out why. Uncle Mion is just there for no good reason , all she does is stay behind K and use her green hair to blend in with the trees around her.
Ryuugu Rena - Why does the writer think it was a good idea to make a moe character stronger than Aizen? I mean she could K.O John Cena using her pinky . Not only that but she is also a kleptomaniac ( aka she steals everything she finds cute - like the dead remains of zombie or a deathly hallow laying in a far away forest) and further more she often implies that she wants to kidnap children ( pedophilia) and take home K's manhood ( I am not even sure how to categorize this .... reverse rape? ).
Hojou Satako - A bunch of fucking traps made by this kid destroyed a whole professional military squad. Does this mean the Hinamizawa Branch School 's After School Games Club could effectively declare war to Japan and eventually conquer the whole fucking planet?
Rika Furude - She is a completely unimportant character - she has no relevant role in the story , she is not the actual main character and I guarantee she is not a person capable of traveling through different dimensions in any way. Seriously - that would be the mindfuck of the century - a loli for a main character and more so a WOMAN? Blasphemy!
Tomitake Jirou - He comes , takes a few pictures and then drops dead.
Takano Miyo - She always dies in a fire probably.....
Akasaka - Not wearing a shirt while piloting robots and wearing sunglasses that make you look like a fucking retard doesn't make you manly. Kicking ass at a vital point in the plot by nonchalantly rescuing the main character tends to have that effect.
Ooishi - 20 years of full time donut eating career made him wider than standard door width. His speed exponentially increases when he rolls on his stomach rather then using his tiny legs. Has a detective tie so I guess he is a detective.
So those are all the characters that are worth mentioning.
Like all of Ryukishi07's works , the name of the anime involves crying - I guarantee that you will cry tears of happiness when Rika takes a chair and proceeds to beat the living crap out of Satoko.
The anime is actually an animation of the visual novel made by the most trollastic company in the industry - 07 Expansion ( no relation with 07 ghost or 007) - and all I can say is thanks god they didn't copy the ENOURMOS hands the characters have because that would make the anime to easy to figure out - the Hinamizawa syndrome makes your hands bigger so you can more efficiently claw your throat.
This anime will most likely leave you scarred for the rest of your life. You are going to constantly check your food for needles , mistake markers for syringes and randomly make references:
Teacher : "There are only 8 planets in the solar system - Pluto is not a real pla--"
You : USODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Let's talk about Watanagashi . What the fuck is Watanagashi?
It's a festival where those dumbwits throw their junk into the river which is why there is no sweetfish in the river (get this reference and I will personally email you a napkin) - they basically take their old fridges and old corpses from the basement and throw them in the river . This is done as to purify themselves - even tho I fail to see how throwing garbage is an excuse for being a duchebag. If I was the king of Hinamizawa I would most certainly construct the most unethical harem ever created and the Watanagashi would basically be a huge paintball game - only instead of paint - we use actual m47 shotguns - HOORAY!
But enough about blowing heads off , tell me , do you regulary cut your nails? No? Then what are you waiting for? Come Hinamizawa's Nail Remover Shop - it's as easy as putting your hand in an apparatus which strips your nails in the most painful way possible! If you call now , we will remove not 3 , not 4 , but 5 NAILS AT THE PRICE OF ONE! If you make a reservation we will even take a picture of your agonized face that you can share with your friends! Nail Remover (tm) is fun for the whole family! Don't stand there like an idiot - call now!
This review was broght to you by Sonozaki Tortures (R).
I'm sure we all enjoy a good torture , especially after a bath in boling water , but we must think about less fortunate people , who don't have the resources to get a quality torture.
There are three anime arcs:
1. No Naku Koro Ni ("McDonalds Arc")
Onikakushi-hen ( "Milkshake Drinking Chapter")
Watanagashi-hen ("Fried Fish Chapter")
Tatarigoroshi-hen ("McChicken Eating Chapter")
Himatsubushi-hen ("Mascot Killing Chapter")
2.Kai ("Filler Arc")
Meakashi-hen ("Celestial Squirrel Chapter")
Tsumihoroboshi-hen ("Octopus Riding Chapter")
Minagoroshi-hen ("Reverse Harem Chapter")
Matsuribayashi-hen ("Haruhi Worshipping Chapter")
3. Rei ("Pockemon Arc")
Saikoroshi-hen ("Pikachu Choosing Chapter")
Batsukoishi-hen ("Charizard Choosing Chapter")
Hirukowashi-hen ("Bulbasaur Choosing Chapter")
The moral of the story is not to give up hope just because it's hopeless and punch fate in the face. However we all know , hard work is overrated - I'd much rather sit on my ass all day.
The main character is forced to repeat her life all over again , never being able to get past June , now - I don't know what the fuck she is complaining about - just imagine the POSSIBILITIES. You could eat all you want , be over 150kg and then BOOM , back to being a fucking sack of bones - you could kill the president of 4kids all over again and watch every single anime ever created. You don't have to study because you've already done your homework a few hundred times and so you eating icecream while watching a Haruhi Suzumiya special for ALL ETERNITY. No pain , no side effects . Although if you are actually inside a game controlled by witches you might get your ass handed but that would be just silly.
The school those guys are attending to is just ridiculous , it's basically a hut with only one class , one teacher and one chair (which can be used as a weapon). The whole building is surrounded by vegetation where wolfs often look for preys. That's why leaving and going to school is often regarded as a struggle for your life.
Oyashiro-sama (Pi-mp-G-o-d) is the deity of the village , like all loving gods he often kills people that are sexier then her (all tho I'm not sure why Tomitake was killed). tHE name of this demonic creature is Hanyuu - her favorite food is cream puffs and tofu and she doesn't like spicy foods. But don't be fooled - she will smugger you with a pillow in your sleep.
Maids were supposed to be a major plot device in this anime , sadly Keiichi is the only one. Just imagine his parents surprise when he gets home late in a maid suit , they must've been speechless.
Keichi : I'm hoooome!
Mother : "Welcome home , swee-........ah......um , dear come here a second...."
Father : "Is it that son of mine again? Has he----...."
Keichi : " Problem , father?"
Father :"I am disapoint , son ---------you would look much better in a nurse suit"
Keichi :"Huh???"
Mother :" He looks just like you when you were younger , dear. Guess the transvestite genes run in your family."
Keichi :" THE FUCK?"
Father :"Dunno , I looked much more moe - remember when I confessed to you while wearing a bikini?"
Mother : " How could I forget , you did it in front of the whole school"
Keichi: "Father , Mother , this is a misunderstanding , it's a punishment ga-"
Father :" Son."
Keichi :"W-what is it?"
Father :" You have been trolled :))))"
Keichi : FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
And thus we have come to a conclusion in our journey to understand this zombie pile of flying bee-weasels . I am pretty sure reading this review will serve you well during the Armageddon as you will need plenty of chairs to bring down the army of human eating time vampires ( you know , like those from twilight and other failed books).
I lift my arm up , and gently touch the surface of the toast with the butter soaked knife which will fabricate the delicious combination that is my breakfast. The flagrant texture of the bread has been refined by the hot and entrancing flames of hell from the toaster and shall serve as a tool to satisfy my culinary needs for this sorrow morning of sunday. The hot surface of the toast would incinerate any life form and melt even the strongest metal - but fear not , for I have the only true god in the palm of my hand. I fold the napkin and use it to grab the incandescent toast and raise it at a comfortable 45 degrees angle while slightly opening my mouth. Time passes as the toast seems to challenge me - I hold the napkin like my life depends on it and quiver the shape of my mouth in to a round hole to attempt to cool down the infernal toast , as the cold air travels towards the toast it reaches the surface of hell and emits a monster of steam that envelops my hand - but I'm not afraid because the napkin protects me. I bow my head forward. And then I like flippin' chew on the goddamn toast LOL
I hope you have enjoyed reading this. Because if you didn't you are gonna see me in your nightmares dressed in a maid suit and holding a rose in my mouth.l will then proceed to cover your body in honey and make a bear lick it off.
But no pressure , feel free to rate this review unhelpful . But before you do that , I advise you to say farewell to your loved ones.
Have a nice day!
