I'm really getting sick of this! No, seriously, I really am! I'm supposed to be out there, watching something... anything else, but this! It would... if just once in a while, to watch some actually good, well-made anime, and write actually positive review about it! And what do I do instead?! Listen to some doucheback-fan of mine, who once asked me to watch, and review this piece of trash - obviously even my fans hate me! - and offer thy my sweet, delicate ass, to the herds of butthurt fanboys, who will undoubtedly tear me right open for stuffing, for ever even laying my finger on their precious franchise! But, since I seem to live and breath from pain, I may as well go all out with it!
The "Asspull of Epic Proportions" staring this time with Frieza, as a Golden Showertoy, and Carrot cake as a Blue God of Merchandicing, featuring all of those, that used to to jack-shit before, staring behind the curtains and serving ice cream to that purple Cat-thing, from the previous movie. Frieza wants to play, and Carrot's ready and loaded for use - three hours tops, watch for over-heating! Once again it's just "so cool" to see these stupid idiots risking their life and limb for a conflict, that could've easily just been wished away, and since Veggie-ape is still so popular with the fans, he's somehow allowed to also have this ridicculous blue hair dye... which is exactly the same plotpoint that happened to him twise before, since Toriyama can't keep this guy freaking dead! Once again, stupidity takes place, and look at that... everyone's dead! But donät worry, kiddies! Deux Ex Machina happens, and all is well again. Tune in next time, when fans of the show tell Toriyama, how they want their favourite apes be turned into Super Saiyan Super Dragon Titan Super God Super Saiyan XVII, Trunks finds out he's really a she, and how Piccolo and Gohan finally have a baby together!
There, I did it! Can I now have my flask back, please?!
My thoughtprosses, while watching this movie, was pretty much summed up as such; "Oh, those guys, that should've been dead since the first arc of DBZ are still here - cool... meatsheald! It's not like they're here for any other reason, than just some cheap fan-service, and some extra minutes! And looky that! The only reasonable, honorable, and downright respectable example for a hero - goes by name Gohan - that this franchise has to offer, is now not only smaller in size, but also with a character, and purpose! Sucks to be upworthy model citizen, husband and father, right - Lord knows, the world hates those! And who's our villain, then? That albino, psychotic manchild/transexual albino lizard, whos been dead once, brought back as a sexmachine, killed like a runaway-joke, and now resurrected - as a title says! - a golden... powertool? What a ripoff! And what does he want this time? A revenge, from the Jaws 3 - sure... shocker. And oh how nice - the purple cat-thing, and his flamboyant chambermaid are here too... to eat ice cream, and clean the mess up, after our heroes have - yet again - failed and killed us all, or worse! Truly, these two are perfect for the cause, so that rest of our useless crew, can just sit back, an tremble and lament upon their utter uselesness, like a heroes they undoubtedly are - better stay dead, if you're just gonna get in a way, dumbasses! And oh, what did I know - the world exploded... again! We're all dead... again! Well, that's not so bad - Boo did it already, and Cell truly tried, so... no biggy! Let's just turn back in time, and fuck around some more with our useless villain, and our clearly homocidal sosiopaths/psychotic idiots... no sorry, heroes, to give our fans some more pics to wank on us!"
If you can't tell by that alone, I was in pain.
As always - as expected, from this franchise - there's no plot, no expansion of the characters but quite the opposite, no subtlety, paperthin-as-always story with no urgency, or interesting ideas - rock 'em sock 'em- robots, flying through the air while flailing at eachoter, and trashtalking stupid pointless shit, to give the movie some more extra minutes... truly fascinating! - shallow premise with no stakes or consequenses, via everlasting deux ex machinas, and overall pointlesness all over the place, that it's almost hard to believe, that this is actually a movie, and not some 15-minutes- long special!
Seriously... I can't believe that I'm saying this, but while I suffered my way through DBZ... Freiza was my hero! He killed the saiyans, he killed Vegeta, and he killed the spare - so to say - of the cast, that in time, turned out to be just ultimately and completely useless, in this super saiyan-wankfest, thus giving Krillin the heroic death he deserved, and Vegeta the ending, he at least deserved! He was a hero, and a liberator! And what'd they do to him?! Made him this money-milking hooker/dumbass villain, from every american horror-movie ever made, that gets killed every single title he's in, but just keeps coming back for more, for sequels - next time, I bet he's gonna get a free sundae, too! And just to keep his rotting carcass fresh, we give him a new paintjob, every time when Toriyama needs some more weed-money... which's about every three-four movies, for now on, I presume!
Well, shit... welcome to the pokemon-ship, you guys - this ship ain't gonna see some land, nor fresh new skanks in a long time, so better make away now with what you can! Re-using villains, and plotpoints like this, may indeed work for the franchise, that doesn't even want to try, and for the fans, who'lll loyally take everything it has to offer, with no thought, nor meaning, but it sure as Hell, does not work, for me!
This movie, is a unneeded sequal to an already unneeded movie, based on yet again nothing but fanfiction, and fan-service - without boobs, of course, because... adults hate those! - living and surviving on a life-support, called nostalgia, thus only excisting to squeese out every little bit out of that sweet, juicy carcass of a big, fat monster, that's this franchises fanbase, to make their wettest fantasies, and most loosest of dollars, to get some wings, following that same shallow, meaningless and utterly ridiculous "power porn"-theme, that plagued the last movie... only in this version, played only for shits and giggles, like a joke this movie as a whole, really and truly is. The last two character in a whole franchise, that ever mattered, and will ever matter worth a shit, are now both closest to be called gods, for the sake of tomfoolery - how much more privileged these saiyans really need to get?! - and those who aren't - those poor, unlucky bastards with lives, families, and totally wrong, unprivileged plot-genes - are either jokes, or less than that... which I can't seem to find proper words to describe them to! This "porn", is like a kind of hentai, that's all filtered, and blackboxed all over the place to the point of turmoil, with endless loopanimation and halfassed voices, that it's no longer proper to call it even a porn anymore! There's only so much wanking, that you can do, to the same kind of porn, before it starts to both feel, and taste like a sour shit, and surely, this franchise, has a long time ago hit it's lowest low, still not knowing, when to end. It has absolutely nothing more, or anything else to offer, yet it just keeps coming back for more... like a horny teenage boy, who just can't take "no" for a answer.
Someone needs to take their hands out of their pants, and stop giving Toriyama all this money, to make these movies, so he can't waste any more ink, and trees, to make paper for this shit! Not watching this movie - if you're not already been subdued to it's toxic influence - is the same as saving dozen panda cubs, from starvation, and every time, you wank away any more money out of your pants, for this franchise... the panda cub will die!
Story: 1
Art: 4
Sound: 3
Characters: 2
Enjoyment: 1
Overall: 1
