Plot
A bunch of people playing an MMORPG called Sword Art Online are trapped within the game by it's creator, Kayaba, and they have to complete 100 levels if they want to get out and free everyone else. Simple right? How could something so simple turn into such a massive travesty? Well Reki Kawahara found a way. What was supposed to be a show about building up an army to beat this game and to see how the characters grew, turned into the stupidest .//Hack fanfiction i have probably ever seen in my entire life, and i'm not even that big on .//Hack either. This is like a 15 year olds self insert story where all the ladies want him, beats every boss by himself (Do that in an mmo and you get your balls rocked.) Solves all the mysteries, guys want to be him and thinks he's super cool, and all the villains are jealous of him. OH, and he gets all the best stuff, imagine that huh?...what do you mean Reki Kawahara wrote this at 15 and didn't change it at all because he's a lazy ass?
Pacing
There are multiple unnecessary time skips within this show that overall aid in the travesty that is it's plot and there are way too many episodes that literally don't accomplish crap and are just there for the writers wish fulfillment.
Characters
Oh my god....this is literally...the worst part...of this show...Can i just...move on to this already...please? ok...
-Kirito
This smegma biter is the main protagonist of this stain on anime. And voiced by Rice Paperbag (Bryce Papenbrook). This is how you don't write characters 101. He is everything you should avoid when writing how a character is supposed to be. He is depicted to be perfect, when he is just a misogynistic, unfaithful asshole. He also comes back from the dead. I'm not fucking kidding. To point out all his flaws, i'm going to start from the SAO arc, to the end of the ALO arc. Be prepared for A LOT of reading.
SWORD ART ONLINE
First off, Kirito wasn't always perfect. He actually made a mistake once, a very dire one leading to the end of Sachi's and many other peoples lives. This was a set up to something VERY GOOD. But then we get slapped in the face after that. Kirito never makes a mistake after this. NEVER. He is also labeled as a "beater" a beta tester/cheater. WHICH MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL. Everyone knows how important beta testers are to a game, and the fact that people are mad at him because he has a lot of knowledge on the game because of this also makes no sense. HE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT THE GAME, GO TO HIM FOR HELP, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? ugh...Anyway. Stupid filler bullcrap happens where he just meets random no name girls that add absolutely nothing to the plot whatsoever. These girls only know him for a day and they fall in love with him. STUPID. I'm going to leave out the stupid romance until I get to Asuna. He doesn't even play his role as a lone wolf right, terrible reasoning or not. He is always with someone in every episode of this show. And the show tries to shove down your throat that he isn't good with people, when that is absolute horse shit. He is misogynistic as all hell. He is in no way loyal to Asuna when he has all these girls on his junk and lets them do it. He treats one Liz like absolute shit, the 2nd waifu we meet in this anime. He comes in, breaks her best sword, tells the bitch to make him a new sword, she agrees, and somehow this turns into her falling in love with him....huh? This is the stupid shit i'm talking about...ugh...Later on we meet Yui, our walking Deus Ex Machina that i will get to later. Kirito and Asuna take in Yui after finding her lying unconscious. Events happen and she is revealed to be an NPC and she sacrificed herself to protect Kirito and Asuna and out of absolutely nowhere, Kirito reveals that he is a hacker and he hacked Yui's data into his nerve gear...*flips table* FUCKING NO. THERE WAS NOTHING ALLUDING TO THIS AT ALL, HE JUST PULLED THIS OUT OF HIS ASS. Oh my god...So after that bullcrap. Kayaba was hiding himself as one of the players known as Heath Cliff, who has aided Kirito and the others throughout this arc. He was pretty cool, till we (me and my friends who watched this travesty at the time) found out he was Kayaba. We also find out the BS reason as to why Kirito is the only person who can duel wield "Because he has the fastest reflexes in the game" -Kayaba
of course...So Jesus and Kayaba duel so that we can end this buttmess of a plot and the people trapped can get on with their lives. During this fight, Kayaba makes it so that nobody in the surrounding area can move so they don't interfere with their fight. Kayaba wrecks his shit, and is about to kill him, when Asuna takes the blow for him, IN SOME STUPID ASS WAY SHE CAN MOVE, BUT DOESNT USE HER SWORD TO BLOCK HIS ATTACK. Bad attempt at drama. Conveniently, Asuna's sword stays there on the ground after she disappears and kirito can't get to his. So with barely any strength left, Kirito stabs Kayaba with Asuna's sword killing him instantly...AFTER DYING BUT AGAIN FOR SOME STUPID REASON HE CAME BACK TO LIFE TO KILL HIM. This is one reason why he is called jesus, the 2nd reason will be here shortly. So after pulling his jesus moment, he dies again. But he gets to some after death area with Virgin Mary over here and Kayaba. They say their goodbyes, and Kirito and Asuna come out of this alive...but Kayaba for some stupid reason doesn't. TWIN JESUS.
...oh you thought i was done with Kirito? Honey, that was only one part.
FAIRY POOP ONLINE(Alfheim Online)
You know this is going to be especially bad when the die hard fans of this show even hate this arc...let's just get this stupid shit over with...
So after finding out Virgin Mary is in a coma for no reason, he decides to jump back into another NerveGear online mmo...right after the events of SAO...Stupid. Kawahara shows that he knows nothing about MMO's by transferring all of his Skills from SAO to ALO. Therefore, you already know the outcome of this arc from the very beginning. He meets Lyfa (i think that's how you spell cow udders online name, i just really don't care.) Who happens to be his sister/cousin in real life, which he doesn't know about until way later. Kirito comes in, saves her ass from grunts, yada yada yada same stupid bullcrap that happened in the last arc NEXT. Lyfa for some reason leaves her guild to join kirito for no reason...SOUND FUCKING FAMILIAR? (Asuna did the same shit.) We meet more Best at X Harem members that don't contribute to the plot that want Kirito's nads for no reason other than he's good at the game. In ALO, your avatar isn't what you look like in real life. These 2 could be fat ass old men for all we know. Yui (oh yeah she comes back, more on that later) helps him throughout the rest of it. This whole arc is basically filler until the end. Asuna was in a coma because Sugou, the villain of this retarded arc, trapped her in ALO somehow (Never goes into detail). When Kirito finds this out, he rushes to save Asuna, but gets his balls rocked by all the guards in the tower. Then he starts touting shit like "I tried to go past all the limits of the game" which he did MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES. After the stupid incestuous subplot ends after that scene, Lyfa/Suguha gives him her sword so he can duel blade, then he pulls out this random ass comet move out of nowhere to blast through the guards. DEUS EX MACHINA, THIS SHOW IS FULL OF IT. Kirito gets to the top of the tower and the stupid boss fight happens. But for some reason, Kirito starts boasting about how much of a great man Kayaba was, and how he was brave and never ran away. That's right Kirito, praise a man who killed thousands of people. Sugou wrecks his shit and starts raping Asuna in front of him (This was incredibly unneeded by the way) Then a vision of Kayaba comes before him and grants him god like powers to which he reduces Sugou's pain absorber to zero, and maliciously attacks him in a disgusting way instead of ending him with one quick slash. Our hero ladies and gentlemen. After that bullcrap. He exits his NervGear and starts TALKING TO SUGUHA FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN TO FORCE THIS STUPID ASS INCESTUOUS LOVE TRIANGLE WHEN SUGOU COULD BE AT THE HOSPITAL BY NOW, KILLING ASUNA. MOST LIKELY BY CAR.
And guess what, minus the murdering, this is what fucking happens. Kirito's skills in SAO also somehow transferred into real life. If your body hasn't done something before, it won't know how to do it. Kawahara can't write what's new?
Kirito lets Sugou go because he's SUCH A GOOD PERSON. He meets up with Asuna, they kiss, stupid 5min scene after that and the show is FINALLY OVER. OH MY GOD. AND NOW I HAVE TO DO THE OTHER DUMBASSES IN THIS SHOW OH MY FUCKING---
Asuna
well aren't you the most inconsistent character in this series?
Asuna goes from quiet reserved girl, to loud-commanding leader of a guild Tsundere, to a lovey-dovey waifu who just sits at home cooking for kirito (i am not being sexist, this is actually what fucking happens). These personality changes are never shown to be sparked by anything thanks to the pointless and stupid time skips in the show. She's supposed to be a front liner and literally the 2nd strongest person in the game, but she is always needing saving by Kirito as the plot progresses. She plays the common house wife/damsel in distress who spouts cliche shounen nonsense to kirito that you would hear in Bleach in any other day of the week. She is in love with Kirito for literally no reason. They paired up once, and that was around the time of him becoming a "Beater" (Still the stupidest shit). They meet up again after a year, decide to fuck, and they get...married? wut. wat. FUCKING DUMBASS ROMANCE. Then the show tries to play on this with her character that she is so madly in love with him when she barely even knows anything about him, and the fact that after she gets married to him she starts worrying about what age he is and if Kirito is even his real name (It's not). After just one night of knowing Yui she feels in inseparable bond with her and the day she dies she's all like "I WILL NEVER SMILE AGAIN IF YOU DIE". YOU HARDLY EVEN KNOW HER, SHE'S NOT YOUR REAL DAUGHTER, AND SHE'S NOT EVEN A REAL PERSON. Then she goes on to say that she's changed as a person and that everything she's done in the game is because she was with Kirito...i'm going to leave that up to you reader because this is some stupid shit i don't even want to touch up on. How not to write character development 101.
There is nothing for me to write anymore on her. She doesn't do anything in Fairy Poop Online so that's it for her.
Yui (Deus Ex Machina)
Ugh...my god...Ok. NPC with amnesia. Kirito and Asuna found her which was said earlier. She decides to live with them and the day after she gets her memories back out of nowhere, nothing sparked this, and she uses her godlike mod powers to protect Kirito and the others. blablabla Nerve Gear data yeah yeah yeah explained earlier.
Fairy Poop Online is when it gets super stupid with this character.
Kirito just so happens to have her data transferred over into ALO and this turns her from an NPC, to an omniscent Navigation Fairy that is supposed to know how to get to places, but instead she knows almost everything about the game and loses omniscience when the plot calls for it. Dumb Deus Ex Character that has no point being here only to be the loli bait in this show.
Kayaba
This nigga forgot the whole reason he did everything he did. killed thousands and forgot why "To see some castle or some shit" basically. (By the way i totally don't look like Rintarou Okabe from Steins;Gate)
Sugou
You have as much depth as a villian as a first generation power rangers villain. As soon as you see him you no damn well he is the villain of Fairy Poop Online. His role is that he's going to marry Asuna, even though she's in a coma, he's going to marry her anyway...you see why the fans hate this arc now right? So he's going to trap people in ALO so he can control their SOULS (Nobody knows what this means and it's never given any detail). He is irredeemable in every way so that the fans will root for Kirito when he inevitably slaughters him. He rapes Asuna in the game, he has really no motivation for anything he does other than being evil for the sake of being evil, and he was only thought of with little to no thought because Reki was thinking "hurr these retards will pay to see anything".
Suguha
Nobody likes you. She is also one of the Best at X harem members because she is one of the best people on her Kendo team, and is only here to force a terrible love triangle the show didn't need...
Liz
Best at X Harem Member who does nothing at all to advance the plot. Axe Master and Master Blacksmith Just gives Kirito a new sword because she's SO IN LOVE WITH HIM (Bullshit).
Alicia Rue
Best at X Harem Member who does nothing at all to advance the plot. Leader of a clan. Just comes to aid Kirito near the end but barely does shit during it.
Sakuya
Best at X (DO YOU SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS? THIS IS GOING TO BE THE REST OF THE CHARACTERS)
I'm done because the rest are just Best at X Harem Members
Story
Pretty much went through it all with the characters. It is shit. Moving on.
Sound
This Soundtrack is too good for this piece of crap. Especially if it's from Fate/Zero's composer.
Visuals
Nice Backgrounds, but the animation can be so fucking lazy.
SCORE
0/10
