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Days: 12.9
Mean Score: 6.65
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MegsAnimeBox May 25, 9:45 PM
Hai!
yonderly May 15, 11:31 PM
i have anime downloaded and stuff. ive just been busy with school to watch it. nvm the new season T_T
yonderly May 12, 8:14 PM
I got a new laptop, I think I'm going to be more active on mal now.
FoxyWaffles Apr 15, 1:16 AM
No worrriess ty for accepting it (〃⌒∇⌒)
Jersie Mar 13, 7:29 PM
No problem!
Jersie Mar 12, 10:23 PM
Happy Birthday! :D
yonderly Dec 30, 2017 7:39 PM
(*´꒳`*)
YaoiMaster Dec 2, 2017 7:26 AM
It's alright. What about your hobbies? I'm very busy with work these days. Yes, that's happened to me many times. In fact, it happened three times while I was writing a long comment, to the point where I gave up. Which reminds me, I must reply to him soon! There are quite a few mistakes, yes, but that's what editing and rereading it for, heh. I hate rewriting messages, but it doesn't make me angry. It's a 仕方が無い kind of moment.

It's good of you to stand up for others. I only ever get spoken about behind my back because users are too afraid of approaching me. They're scared. And it's quite humorous, and oh so pitiful. No one talks about me offline because I'm not worth talking about. I'm just an eccentric looking paranoiac offline. I'm a mystery to those around me, because I tell them nothing about me. That reminds me of Koe no Katachi when they always threw her hearing aids out the window. My confidence is not wavering. And despite what others think, I am a very aggressively confident person, which is not to be mistaken for arrogance because I am not self absorbed in the slightest. People are afraid of confrontations because they want to get away with everything. Poor little sheep.

I am only bored of a conversation when the other person is too secretive or doesn't allow me to talk about myself. As well as that, I hate conversations about anime because I only watch it as a compulsion from my OCD. I don't pay any attention to what I watch because I reply to messages while watching, and as one must know, I only watch with subtitles. That requires the utmost concentration, which I refuse to give. Yes, the more active you are, the more people will notice you and send a message. I get many PMs because people are afraid of talking in comments, haha. Messages with me can become very personal. I don't get annoyed by messages unless the person doesn't capitalize the first letter of their sentences, or if they aren't putting much effort into what they send me, or if in general if they're a boring person. I find most people and things to be boring because I have high conversation standards. Yes, through forums. I'm open about stalking others, I do it every day.
I'm not too quiet, unlike in the past. My voice is deeper than other girls' around me. That makes it easy to hear, but hard to understand, because I slur my words, which is a symptom of Schizophrenia. Incomprehensible speech, so to speak. I don't talk to others because I feel no need to. Everyone is always so moralistic to begin with, and they would never get along with me. Haha, that's funny. One time I yelled at my mother that she's delusional, but I accidentally said delirious instead of delusional. I know many words, so it's easy to get them mixed up. There's no obligation to say hello back, or even respond to "How are you?", because it's such a superficial, forced question.
I've been learning French for two years now. I'm certainly not fluent, but I can manage some sentences. French is a very messy language in terms of how it sounds. I'd like to learn German at the moment. However, it's necessary for me to learn Japanese sometime, because I plan on living in Nara in the future. You can always teach yourself. Some websites online are reliable. I know a YouTuber learned Japanese from a website alone, but I tried the same website and learned nothing from it. Everyone has different learning methods. I'm not fluent in any language but English.
My parents have technically moved. My father was originally from California, and my mother was from Tennessee. My mother was married to a man, and my father was married to a woman. My father divorced his wife and somehow ended up in Tennessee, I believe. So my mother, I've heard, cheated on her husband with my father...? She then divorced the man and she and my father ended up getting married. It's a very odd story. I was born and raised in Virginia, so no, I do not have an accent. Some of my siblings who were born in Tennessee have accents. I have 8 siblings. I'm stuck in Virginia at the moment, but I'd like to visit Germany and live in Japan. My parents are rather poor, too. My mother has a disease which prohibits her from working. In the past she was a nurse who worked from home. My father had two jobs, but lost his second. He is a psychologist for those with autism, down syndrome, and so forth. It would be nice to travel.

Last summer I had an eating disorder, it was a horrible time. I got rid of it on my own and suffered with my attraction. It's good if you can help yourself out of something, especially a disorder. I can't, because mine are caused by a chemical imbalance. Yes, it would appear you're trying. I don't like change. I've been relatively the same since January. I underwent a huge transformation between November of 2016 and January. I will suffer all my life, but some day I will carry out my desires, so it's alright. I can wait. My clothes are simple, but my face and mannerisms are not. People always stare at me and observe me because I'm so hard to figure out, and my behavior offline is very inconsistent. One moment I'm glaring at everyone and the next I'm smiling and in a dreamy state. It happens to me every day. Hmm, why hats?
I stopped feeling such emotions after a boy I was close with stopped talking to me on Christmas Eve. It ruined me psychologically, and as a defense mechanism so that no one could hurt me ever again, I got rid of certain feelings, including sympathy. I didn't do it on purpose, the body makes its own defense mechanisms. So ever since January, I've never gotten those emotions back. The only things I'm capable of feeling are anger, paranoia, and jealousy. Don't be mistaken, that boy was only an experiment of mine. I was merely observing the behavioral changes of a boy who was abused. He claimed to have derealization, but nothing he said ever linked to it. Yes, a symptom of Schizophrenia is emotional flatness, meaning dull emotions. Most pedophiles are also unempathetic people, myself included.

I'd say the best years of my life were 2013-2014. DGD significantly helped me to stop being self loathing. I am glad a friend of mine introduced me to them. What exactly is "anxiety," if you don't mind? Was there a reason for your depression? There is a reason I am the way I am. Part of that being because I live with parents who fight all the time, and my father is an aggressive alcoholic who has abused my mother while I watched. Naturally, people are influenced by those in their environment, so I picked up that behavior, and now I have the desire to injure others. And because I don't feel for others, I am willing to hurt them, it's not just a thought I have. At one point I nearly strangled my cat, and stopped myself. I plan on going to jail some day, after I grow bored of being a psychologist. An odd desire, maybe, but it makes perfect sense after all the shit I've been through. I just want an "escape," and jail would be an escape. Even a mental hospital would be fine. I don't belong here. Society and I are enemies. Why were you absent? Ah, I see. I'm not a very sentimental person. What terrible things have you done? The things I plan on doing are much worse in comparison to the things you've done. I can't discern right from wrong because right and wrong are subjective. And I don't see jail as a punishment, so of course I'd do whatever I want to end up there. When you don't feel things like myself, you don't feel guilt for your actions because you can't care about the feelings of others. It's difficult. It's good Miraculous has done that for you. DGD is the same for me. It helped to drown out the people screaming in my house. I've never seen that show, personally. 8 pages, damn. Do you know, my oldest story was over 900 chapters long? Most of them were rather short chapters, but still. I worked very hard on it. The website was taken down, so all my old writing is just a memory.
I will never understand love because I don't understand the feelings associated with it. I can understand lust, because animals naturally feel the desire to mate with each other. But humans are the only animal who can rationalize. They have all sorts of extra feelings and developed thoughts that other animals don't have. Cats, for instance, will mate, and then leave each other to mate with someone else. Meanwhile humans grow attached for no reason at all. Why can't they be like cats? I wonder. Instead they must "love" someone to "mate" with them. It seems unnecessary. Despite being uncaring, I am a romanticist, when it comes to children. But my "romance" means torturing. Because torturing or stalking are methods of showing someone I care about them. I have a twisted sense of love, indeed. Love's meaning is something very subjective.
The issue with me is that I'm too dedicated to the things I like or do. Do you plan on being a story writer, or perhaps a script writer for a movie? That would be interesting. Carried away how? Oh, no, I know The Diary of Anne Frank, I just wanted to be sure that's what you were referring to. I've personally never read it because the Holocaust wasn't very interesting to me.
I feel derealization every day, especially when I start thinking everyone around me is a robot programmed to say certain things. But that they're all out to get me, and that I'm an experiment of sorts, and they're testing me. That's where the Schizophrenic thoughts come into play, because Schizophrenia is heavily centered around paranoia and delusions. I don't like to go places unless I buy something, otherwise I'm fraught with temptation! When you say interested in younger girls, what do you mean? Attraction-wise, I am drawn to male children aged 6 and younger. I am mature only because of experience and psychology's effect on me. Each Schizophrenic acts different. I have Schizoaffective disorder, which is rare, and characterized by both Schizophrenia and manic disorder combined. Most Schizophrenics with manic disorder don't have Schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder means you have hallucinations even when you aren't having a manic episode. In short, you have them every day, but they worsen during a manic episode. Whereas someone with both Schizophrenia and mania hallucinates only while having a manic episode. This is the difference between myself and other Schizophrenics who have mania. Not to mention I also have extreme OCD and possible panic attack disorder and PTSD. That's what the psychiatrist told me. I require medication because my episodes are severe and very intense, and my hallucinations were bad to the point where I saw a dead woman lying on the floor, and bugs everywhere I went. I still hear voices in my head at times, even with the medicine. My hallucinations are both auditory and visual, and I have every type of delusion. Yes, possibly. Before I became all paranoid, I was very literal, thought-wise. But the more paranoid I became, the more figurative my brain became. So now I have a figurative and literal side.
Everyone is special to someone. I don't know if I'm special to someone. In the past there was someone special to me, but it was always one sided. He didn't pay any heed to me, and instead we were always arguing on everything because I'm "too immoral." But now my conversations with someone special to me aren't one sided, haha. They actually feel for me and don't insult me or argue.
Your brain continues to develop until you're 25, apparently, so I don't understand how your personality is set in stone when you're only 18, either. I don't think people change personalities, just aspects of themselves. Younger people change easily because of hormone levels. I primarily ranted while having a manic episode. They're very evident. I rant about what troubles me. You can access it here.
Chaste Nov 29, 2017 7:55 PM
i suppose i can't blame you; i'm quite the fan of kaomojis myself ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_
Chaste Nov 28, 2017 7:19 PM
pls, this type of behavior is asking to be smothered with adoration while you smother innocent victims with rags drenched in chloroform
Chaste Nov 28, 2017 7:03 PM
that's exactly what a blood-thirsty murderer would say ¬_¬
you lure poor men in with your confuzzled smol-girl charm and then you stick 'em !!
i've seen this all play out before. you're not fooling me.
Chaste Nov 28, 2017 6:31 PM
your bubbly personality is sketchy af. where are you hiding the bodies >:c
bomi Nov 28, 2017 10:04 AM
Agreed, even when you're stressed it pays off because when one doesn't anything to do it can stress you even more especially if you want to do things but there are none or don't feel like doing anything. I'm trying to stay busy too since right now I only have a few classes and too much free time and it feels better. My only problem is when I want to be productive and I end up sleeping until noon lol

Hahah if I wrote fanfiction I'd stay hidden too. Oh! The other day I remembered when a few years ago I did roleplaying... I think that's the nearest I've been of writing fanfiction :c Have you ever done it?

I didn't know that song, I'll look it up now! I bet is beautiful too, I really love her voice <3

I have never bothered to be involved with a fandom, I get bored pretty fast of those things or even talking of only one thing (?) that's why I never created a fandom account on instagram or twitter. And seeing how awkward I am, I wouldn't interact much with others, probably...

They're so beautiful T_T I wish I could do things like these or more like have the patience. I remember I used to watch lots of them but they were about kpop. This is one of my favorites https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUxvFA2dlUE and this is not that edited, it's only a bunch of videos put together but it's beautiful anyways https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL4r5Pg5KVA girlfriends in disguise
Ohh then I'd love to watch them when you put them up!!

OMG I knew about Caravan Palace but since I didn't save any song I totally forgot the name of the band until now, you're my hero !! (´;ω;`)

Tbh nowadays I'd say you can download almost every game out there, but some are difficult to find :( Yay! FF7-10 are the easiest to start or at least to get used to the mechanics, I think.
The main character is the black haired guy? (Akira is it?) because I've seen a lot of fanarts and yeah he's so cute ;_; the game is only for PS4, right? I guess I'll have to watch gameplays *sigh*

Hahaha well, they're there for that. I often bother my mom with stupids thing she doesn't even get and she's there, bored, playing a game in her phone while listeting to me.
Yelling makes you stronger LOL What did he say? I don't think my parents would understand the "win because the power of love/friendship/anger/yelling" xD
Understandable, the only game I've played with my parents watching were the FF ones and The Legend of Dragoon and that was when I didn't have a laptop and I was like... 10 years old? After that, I took the ps1/2 to my brother's room or mine
YaoiMaster Nov 27, 2017 6:34 PM
Ah, I try to reply as soon as I can, but I talk to many people, so I have many messages to reply to at the moment, the majority of which are long.
You have to be persistent if you are to change your thoughts. Persistence is key, indeed. I'm not saying you can change sexual attraction or anything, of course not. But you can be sexually drawn to inanimate objects and such if you convince yourself of it.
Pushover? People are afraid of being direct with me, so if ever they insult, it is in a passive aggressive manner. I am intimidating offline, which is why no one bothers me. They don't bother to try to make friends or enemies with me. They leave me alone altogether. I am one to confront others, as well. Politely, might I add. Depending on what it is they say or do, of course. If extreme, I will have no need to be polite.

My conversations with others are always very personal. I feel no desire for superficial talk. I don't want "chatting buddies" online, I want friends. Yes, I love walls of text. Which is why it doesn't bother me to do research on things. What do I get out of conversations? I get to analyze the person in order to understand a wide group of people. That is, I talk to many people, therefore I have many "subjects" upon which I analyze. You get to tell me all your problems, and you get to learn all about me, too. It's not one sided, my research. I help others with their problems, they listen to mine. That's all. I enjoy problem solving, not the hospitality, or the satisfaction of "helping." I use DMs and PMs more than comments these days. You'd be surprised, I have many stalkers, they could always read anything you write, just out of curiosity.
It is natural to want to be liked, yes. I wouldn't say I want to be liked or disliked. I'd rather people be left with a neutral opinion of me. If they like me, it will not bother me. Just as if someone dislikes me, it doesn't bother me, though it solely depends on who they are, in the end. What does it mean to be "awkward," exactly? You should only strive to gain necessary things. You don't need much power if your standing is low in life. By standing I mean more career than anything. I've known all my life what I wanted to be in the future, oddly enough. I didn't quite revere it until January of this year. Perhaps you could be a translator? If you wish to travel, meet people, and have a good amount of money, that sounds perfect for you. You need more skill than respect in this world to get by. I believe I have a bit of power over others. Well, I don't imagine you will be stuck in the same place your whole life.

Just overcame? When does "just" refer to? I loathed myself for my appearance and sexual attraction. But I now find myself very interesting and long to find someone similar to me. My appearance is fine, I don't think much of it. And my sexual attraction, I will always suffer with it, but I've accepted I have it and there's nothing I can do to alter that. Everyone has things to improve about themselves. I'm not sure what I'm working on improving. Perhaps memory. But a bad memory is associated with Schizophrenia, there isn't much I can do about it. Not to mention I got a concussion in October of last year which impaired my quick thinking and short term memory. Everyone wants attention in some way, yes. Why? Because it is a necessity. One goes mad without any form of human interaction. Interaction means, essentially, attention. You will be admired only if you have a reason for others to admire you. Not everyone has a reason to be admired, and that's acceptable. I was depressed when I was 10-12. Then I got rid of it on my own. I don't believe it's a big deal, most people your age have depressed moments. No. You want a solution to your depressive stages, don't you? So you repeatedly bring it up, in hopes of something happening to fix it. Well, you've come to the right person, anyway. I've helped many people out of depression in the past. And I've recently helped a good friend from becoming fully Schizoid. It comes naturally to me.
No, I do not know how to lie. I forgot how to do many things at the beginning of this year. How to feel sadness, happiness. The only feelings I have are anger and paranoia. And the occasional excitement brought on by a high episode, or a low episode's despair. You're just indecisive, that's all. You'll get over it some day once you figure things out.

Yes, it's special when you find someone who likes the things you like. I've never met someone like that, which is why I search for them, heh. Then tell, why is it special to you? The thing that is most special to me is Dance Gavin Dance.
Ah, yes. When they stare at you often, it must be a crush, isn't that so? That's how I see it, anyway. I can't identify the feelings of others, and a Schizophrenic's perceptions are distorted. But I assume if they look at you frequently, and with a certain look, it must mean something. No, they are quite simple. Someone your age cannot interpret "love" (and neither can I, for that matter, because I do not feel such an emotion), and mistake interest for attraction, because interest and attraction can elicit similar sensations. I have only ever been confessed to once offline, years ago. I rejected him very harshly, and he cried. I suspect two people have a crush on me at the moment, but I pay no heed to them. One of them sexually harassed me not long ago. Unpleasant. You'll fall in love some day, like every feeling person does. But you're wise to think relationships at that age are pointless.
You will only be in a labyrinth if you can't identify the reason for your thoughts. It is good to have specific goals. Yes, you must be dedicated to achieve your dream. I am very dedicated, in fact. But that comes with having extreme OCD, haha. Self control and obsessive behavior. To find a dream, you first take your interests into consideration and find something that could relate to those. Incorporate your skills in your work, you know? I'm not too sentimental. I'm only sentimental regarding objects. "I refuse to throw this blanket away," for instance. Oh, it isn't the most proper writing, but it isn't too simplistic, either. Anne's Diary?
I hate being around people because it worsens my derealization. Derealization is when you think the world around you doesn't exist, and neither do you. Depersonalization is when you kind of abandon your body altogether. I suffer from bad derealization, because Schizophrenia is, well, a detachment from reality. I dislike cities because I hate noise. I like to walk around malls, too. But I have a distaste for shopping. Zombies are beautiful in their own special way. I would describe it, but it would be a bit... much. It's normal to be afraid of creatures you aren't familiar with. My experiences are much different than other people's. I've suffered much more, and acknowledge that. I suffer from Schizoaffective disorder, which is a mixture of Schizophrenia and mania. It's uncommon, so I can't find anyone I relate to. Everyone with Schizophrenia has different experiences with it. It is definitely weird how the conscience works. I can remember things subconsciously, but not consciously. Odd. Would what be related to Schizophrenia?
Everyone's "special" is subjective. I have people special to me, but are they special to society? Probably not. In fact, the majority would look down on them. But I respect them, just as they respect me. I dislike when people treat a person as if they are special, however. Not exciting? I'll see about that.
I've only changed for the worst this whole year. But I have grown, as a person. Yes, indeed, I've grown. You have years to change. According to my psychiatrist, the personality stops evolving after age 18. I'm not sure if that is true or not, and I'll look into it. It's good to look back on things! That's why I have my rant thread, as well. To see how my thoughts have progressed, and whether or not I've stabilized in some way.
Interpersonal means having to do with understanding other people, whereas intrapersonal is understanding yourself.
juliuscaesar387 Nov 27, 2017 4:54 AM
Hmm... What do I think of Madoka Magica? I think it is not possible to truly put into words how someone feels when they look at the the one thing that they just detest with all their heart and soul. Madoka Magica is like looking into an abyss of all the misery in the world, put into a series of episodes that just causes the viewer to feel detached from themself.


I must have only watched 5 minutes out of that entire series, and even though I have it set as completed, I don't consider it an anime I've watched. I consider it to be an anime that I barely endured for 5 minutes of what can only be described as Hell. I set it as completed to stop anyone in the future from telling me to give it another go (Which I did do after I got a reccommendation to, and let me tell you the end result did not change in the slightest), and I will never understand why people consider that thing to be worth watching.

I am sorry for my little rant there. I don't normally talk like that on here. To answer your question in short, I didn't like the animation or the characters, the whole thing just got boring within the first minute. That has never happened to me while watching an anime before, and that is why I didn't like it.