It goes without saying while I say I might have enjoyed this anime immensely that is not necessarily due to this anime itself and more the absolute destruction I was unleashing on the poor defenceless 2D series while I sat laughing my lungs out watching. Let me start by giving you my overall opinion of Diabolik Lovers and please keep in mind I only watch anime in dub, but in this case I very much doubt it would matter. Before cutting down why I think this of the show in more depth later on.
In short, this anime is bad. Bad, bad bad. Like holy hell
...
put this thing down before it can breed. Diabolik Lovers is the worst kind of bad because its so pretty and well animated that at first glance you think its alright, its only until you actually start paying attention that you realize that there is plot or any character development worth your time. Saying that, this anime is very pretty and if the creators might have put a little more thought into the story and characters it could have been a true mast... a decent piece of work... Maybe.
Story: SPOILER WARNING: Though in this case there isn't really anything to spoil since the plot is so thin you could spread it on toast and you'd still be eating dry toast. The story follows Yui Komori a young innocent school girl around 17(virgin) who totally isn't Bella Swan, honest. No really she isn't, because Bella Swan can't show any sort of facial expression other than brooding, but I digress. Yui finds herself at the front door of a fancy mansion in the middle of horror film street 475 with just a bag and her pretty face to keep her company. Upon entering the mansion without invitation the story begins, involving lewd scenes for those ladies looking for some good old honest vampire love and about seven minutes of brooding by the male cast for the rest. Did I mention each episode is only fifteen minutes including the introduction and end credits? Yes apparently this series was considered so hot and steamy that the creators didn't dare make it an extra five minutes longer out of fear of mass murder by girls ovaries exploding. The story is simple enough that I could literally use words, these words in fact and in any order. Vampires, Biting, Brothers, Mystery, Power Struggles, Biting, Vampires. In fact the whole story aspect of the show is summed up in the last episode with a few minor scenes in maybe three other episodes, otherwise its just lets see who can bite ms Yui is the most kinky way. Its best I don’t go into what little story there is and allow you lovely viewers to enjoy its splendour for yourself.
Characters: Like before, there is a minor SPOILER WARNING here as well but thats only if you lose your head to even the most minor leak of information, but if thats the case stop reading reviews you lemmon. Now in most cases you would review characters by explaining their backstory and their personality in a short line before moving on to the next while also mentioning their role. But in this case I shall be summing up each character while also informing you how they would decide the best way of courting a female companion, now I must warn I will be using profanity to describe them so please be warned.
Shū Sakamaki) Show absolutely no fucks for the girl. Completely ignore her. But after long break periods when she finally comes crawling after you, notice her for a brief moment long enough to stick yourself inside of her and finish after a few minutes before dumping that bitch again. Then repeat,
Reiji Sakamaki) Inform the girl that you are both smarter and better in every way and that she is little more than the trash of trash. Then while adjusting your glasses everything new frame inform she is little more than a guinea pig for experimenting on, that said do whatever you wish with her before throwing her out of your room and returning to work.
Subaru Sakamaki) Tell her to fuck off. She has no place by your side for you are simply too dangerous and wild, a rebel without a cause! Yes you have mommy issues but that sensitive side is buried by your urge to smash random defenceless objects! Be Brash! Be Broody! Then give her a knife and tell her to kill you or your family if they ever try to rape her.
Ayato Sakamaki) Treat them like a toy while abusing them in whatever way you please, BUT remind them that they are yours and only yours and if anyone else touches them they suffer from your almost unmatched level of brooding! Also never fix up the buttons on your shirt because you are too busy brooding to waste time with that..
Laito Sakamaki) Call the girl a bitch, never her name or anything else, just bitch. Then tell her you want to fuck her in a series of very kinky ways. Its important to realize you are one of the few characters who doesn't brood, isn't technically insane and generally seems to enjoy life. This either makes you the weakness or the strongest character, hard to tell. But regardless you hold a mighty power which must be contained.
Kanato Sakamaki) Be a creepy bastard. Like holy shit, be as creepy as you fucking can. Stare wide eyed at every moment without blinking all the time while telling her how much you want to see her in pain and crying and how that really turns you on. Then offer to murder her and turn her into a doll so she'll be pretty forever and store her in the basement. This is probably the most sure fired way to get a girl, even if it is against her will.
While there are a few other characters their value is little more than filler for the weak attempt of a plot they tried to finish by the end. In short, all you need to know is that teenage girls love this kind of rubbish and if you really want to get with one all you need is a box set of twilight and a few strong bottles of alcohol, but before you do that older men please call 111(911) and inform them that you are indeed a paedophile.
Music:
Little can be said about the music to be honest as it does it job, its neither bad nor outstanding and it didn't help distract me from the story so I can’t say its much to listen too.
Conclusion:
Watch it, this is not a roller-coaster of exciting plot twists nor intense action, in fact a total of a single punch is thrown in entire series! You have no idea how disappointed I was to realize that there wasn't going to be a single shirtless fist fight amongst the brothers and that is without a doubt the biggest flaw to this anime! Like come on guys! If you really are going to give the plot to a retarded monkey going through puberty you could at least tear off a guys shirt once and awhile and let the ladies have a look that those firm abs and tight bodies... uh sorry, did I mention I totally heterosexual? Yes well, the point is that if you are going to take a mile walk down a road of shards of glass in the hopes of having the perfect pair of bleached bone heels, then you might as well take the shoes off and get the job done quick!
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Jan 18, 2015
Diabolik Lovers
(Anime)
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It goes without saying while I say I might have enjoyed this anime immensely that is not necessarily due to this anime itself and more the absolute destruction I was unleashing on the poor defenceless 2D series while I sat laughing my lungs out watching. Let me start by giving you my overall opinion of Diabolik Lovers and please keep in mind I only watch anime in dub, but in this case I very much doubt it would matter. Before cutting down why I think this of the show in more depth later on.
In short, this anime is bad. Bad, bad bad. Like holy hell ... |
