| i was heavily influenced by the romantic era of poetry, especially thy William Blake so here is my new poem: Nature is a beauty The children are on duty Playing all day They are so gay! Lamb is a beauty On my plate with some fruity Licky lick lick Here comes the spring chick... The sounds of tweet tweet Engulf the air like heat heat Burning passions of spring Make the children feel like a king Old John hears The children's cheers As little Timmy falls from a tree Screaming "Ha Ha Hee!" As the night closes in The sun's rest will begin The children will sleep Quite like the sheep - I hope you enjoyed my poem!! |
BrookeMar 18, 2018 9:48 AM
| i threw out everything i was doing when i found out that you wrote another poem honestly, it's amazing how you can keep improving even though they are all practically perfect except like when you called the kids gay that was kinda uncalled for |
  ｍａｌ'ｓ ＣＹＢＥＲ ｒａｃｃｏｏｎ ＣＹＢＥＲ ｂｏｏｐ ! ｆｒｏｍ ｔｈｅ ｄｉｓｔａｎｔ ｙｅａｒ ｏｆ ２０２６ ｔｈｅＣＹＢＥＲ ｐｏｌｉｃｅ ａｒｅ ａｆｔｅｒ ｍｅ ! |
| This poem is beautifully constructed, I can see the way you've written it to appeal to our senses. The first stanza opens with describing nature as 'a beauty', which is also used to describe the lamb in the second stanza, perhaps hinting at nature's role in our survival, that we should appreciate what it gives us. The repetition of 'lick' truly puts emphasis on how delicious the dish was, as one licks the plate clean for meals they enjoy. I can almost taste it. If only it weren't the middle of the night already, I'd give my analysis of the rest of the poem. However, the first read has left a great impression on me. I look forward to your future works. |
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| Thank you soo much for your continuous support @sekai- it truly does give me the motivation to carry on :') A BIG HEARTO 4 U <3 <3 Wow @Kaito your analysis is truly spectacular I am taken away! You'd definitely get an A* for that I am telling you! I love my fans so much I will definitely bring out a new one soon xox |
| The best poem i've seen in my life |
 |
| Not bad, though i think it sounds better without 'a' in first and fifth and without 'on' in second. Also twelfth sounds a bit weird, since children (Many) and King (One) I especially like the last four, very fluid rhyme on those imo. Not bad overall. I think she meant gay in original meaning and not how we use it nowadays, at least that makes more sense in given context. |
| Signature was not removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Tulip & Flower Guidelines. |
| thank you for your critical take on my poem @GhostOutOfShell !! i see what you mean on taking out certain words, however i do feel when you stated i should take away 'on' in the second line it doesn't really make any sense to me "the children are duty" it doesn't sound grammatically correct, however, Blake did use many lines in his poetry which were not grammatically correct to convey the childhood innocence so maybe that is where you are coming from here. you were also spot on with my meaning on the children being gay i took the classical approach towards that so i'm very glad you picked up on that!! thank you for your feedback! i hope you may enjoy my future works! |
| boi you're already on the list @maelstrom !! |
| @Brooke my bad, I actually wanted to say without 'are' in the second line. Anyways this comes down to preference, nothing wrong with saying it ether way. Will keep an eye out for your future writings. |
| Signature was not removed. Please follow the signature rules, as defined in the Tulip & Flower Guidelines. |
| i'm sorry but i don't condone in children feeling like a king just because they unlawfully killed a 'beautiful' lamb just to eat only because their parents can't be bothered to season food properly that aren't living like umMm??// |
  ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ i'll be a bad girl who's always good to her boy ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ |
| im very sorry if my poem happened to offend you @psycho !! it really was just criticism towards all those parents that don't want to cook food for the children, plus having a strange dish of fruit and lamb together helped the emphasise the childs innocence as they are being exposed to meat eating at such a young age! |
| is this the true definition of art |
  buy mochi at the mochi store and friends at the friend store |
| Wauw the satire is thicc |
  There's a lady who's sure All that glitters is gold And she's buying a stairway to heaven When she gets there she knows If the stores are all closed With a word she can get what she came for Oh oh oh oh and she's buying a stairway to heaven |
| This is beautiful my friend <3 |
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| oh my heart is really warmed by your kind words! i hope that oxford dictionary changes their definition now @monoii what satire!??! @whoremoans thank you kindly @agvsss your words give me motivation :3 |
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