| *squints* not sure if that thing that poked your leg at the end was a dick (Laila is a futa?! O.o ...or the person sneaking up behind you is just mega confident?) or a weapon.... Will the next scene be "ah, I'm bleeding!" Or "get that thing back in your pants!"? Waiting to see... |
JPAI27 said: *squints* not sure if that thing that poked your leg at the end was a dick (Laila is a futa?! O.o ...or the person sneaking up behind you is just mega confident?) or a weapon.... Will the next scene be "ah, I'm bleeding!" Or "get that thing back in your pants!"? Waiting to see... Laila is under me at that moment, so futa Laila is out of question. |
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JPAI27 said: Will the next scene be "ah, I'm bleeding!" Or "get that thing back in your pants!"? It will be "It's not how it looks like!" misunderstanding scene. It is a must for ecchi-harems. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Feel free to place your bets, everything will be "revealed" next time. :D |
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JPAI27 said: "*squints* not sure if that thing that poked your leg at the end was a dick" Pffff... I thought I was going to die XD Nah, I'm pretty sure Shadow's is ok with her girls not having any particular "optional". Maybe seeing her going all lovey dovey after seeing you stepping on a bug felt a little bit unnatural, you could have worked a little more on that scene in my opinion. Really cute, it's going to be interesting to find out if the pic-nic is going to turn into a huge orgy or something like that XD |
 "You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
SydoKiller said: JPAI27 said: "*squints* not sure if that thing that poked your leg at the end was a dick" Pffff... I thought I was going to die XD Nah, I'm pretty sure Shadow's is ok with her girls not having any particular "optional". Maybe seeing her going all lovey dovey after seeing you stepping on a bug felt a little bit unnatural, you could have worked a little more on that scene in my opinion. Really cute, it's going to be interesting to find out if the pic-nic is going to turn into a huge orgy or something like that XD More and more ideas about what could happen, *tension intensifies* its gonna be a revealing next chapter. :D |
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| Chapter 10: Fighting for someone A bit far from us is another monstergirl, her lower body is the tail of a snake. „Is she a lamia?” She is the first monstergirl I recognize. „Almost, she is an Echidna, worse than a simple Lamia.” She answered while she got up. She looks determined, there is no sign we were about to have sex. Thats different from the time in her house when she didnt want me to let go. „Can you defeat her?” „I will.” Her answer feels like more „I have to for you” and not „I can”. At that moment the pain in my leg comes back. Its a deep wound and bleeding pretty much. I dont see anything weapon-like near me, so she used magic, because she was not close enough to reach me. I try to not let out any noise that would show to Laila, Im wounded, she has to concentrate now. „Why did you come here, „Khepri”?” I feel the disgust in her words. „You dont have to know.” „Well, its not necessary for me to know it, I will kill you without hearing your reasons. Dont worry, it will be over fast, I dont want to be tired before taking that man.” „He is my partner, you cant have him!” „He does not belong to you, I saw you didnt mate with him yet.” She raised her hands, as she starts to form something, and Laila took a fighting stance, I cant recognize –its not like I would recognize it if its from my world, since I dont have knowledge about any martial arts-. Why didnt she use magic or her manipulation power? As it runs through my brain, I notice something black starts to materialize around her left hand. Possibly the Echidna noticed it too and pushed her hands forward, I dont see anything but she released her magic. Laila put up a little shield with that black energy but it was not enough to repel fully the attack. Some of them grazed her side, leaving line-like scars and her wing like armor is also damaged now. That was a really powerful air magic – I dont see anything liquid or burn mark, so it has to be air -, it even went through her armor. She decided to attack now, she runs to the Echidna with high speed – so she is not the powerful type but the fast one -, to hit her with a right hook. She reached her neck but it wasnt enough to knock her down. „You almost got me.” And right after that, she sweeped Laila’s feet with her tail to knock her down. „Now you cant do anything, you will die.” And she started to form her magic again. I have to do something but I cant stand up with my injured leg. I really have to, or she will die – Im a bad luck here, first Seira got into a bad situation because she met with me and now Laila -. I look around and realize I have her dagger, I can use it! If I could hit a vital spot, that could give a chance to Laila, as it would throw the Echidna’s magic off balance for couple of moments. As I pick it up holding it at its blade, I hope it doesnt need any activation. I throw it, aiming for her upper parts. It feels like hours until it hits her. . . . I look there and see I hit her neck, yeah, a vital spot, looks like my throwing practices at home paid off. Laila immediately realized it, she stood up like a lightning and reached to the dagger, to push it deeper. It ended fast, the Echidna wriggled for few seconds on the ground before she stopped moving. Laila threw the dagger away as she run to me. I saw she is crying, while she hugged me. „Im sorry.” „You dont have to say that, you fought for my sake.” „But you had to help me, even if you are injured.” „Dont worry about it, without you, I would be her prey.” „You really are my lord.” „And again, please stop it, we are equal and call me by my name.” I think she cant say it again, as she stopped talking now. „Please could you treat my wound before it becomes wo…” I could not finish my sentence, my conciousness fades away, everything goes blank slowly, I lost too much blood. Before everything went completely dark, I saw her worried face, with teary eyes. My last thought before I fainted, was I should have to cheer her up. |
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| Nothing stops h-scene better than death. Or bleeding injury at least. :) |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Welcome to the world of throwing knives! XD We have to train together one of these days ù_ù |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| I liked the magic you described, both the Lamia's and Laila's. |
beast_regards said: Nothing stops h-scene better than death. Or bleeding injury at least. :) Combined with the appearance of the enemy. SydoKiller said: Welcome to the world of throwing knives! XD We have to train together one of these days ù_ù Write down the wished date. :D JPAI27 said: I liked the magic you described, both the Lamia's and Laila's. Thanks, I tried to fit Laila's magic with the Khepri's demonic energy manipulation, and air was fitting for the echidna because I wanted something that is invisible. |
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| Chapter 11: Level up! People say they see their life as a movie when they die, but for me, there was nothing, complete emptiness, darkness. There was only 1 thought: I abandoned 2 girls with my death: Laila and Seira. I had the feeling Laila could hardly move forward, even if we knew each other not even for a day, she was attached to me, but before that thought would continued, I heard my name. I heard it, am I not dead yet? I collected my strenght to open my eyes. That simple move caused a big happines, and not just for me. "I was so worried, I thought you never come back." "I had that thought too, I dont survive it." "I dont remember, what happened? My last memory is the echidna's death." "Soon after that you fainted from the blood loss." "I remember now, she stabbed my leg somehow." I tried to look down to my leg, but I cant. "Laila, can I ask something?" "Yes" "Why am I almost naked and why do you cling to me?" "I wanted to keep you warm." "And hows my leg?" I have to keep away the thought of a half-naked girl is hugging me, because if the blood runs out of my head, I will die now, definitely... "I put a bandage on it and infused a bit of my leftover demonic energy to heal it." "Can I try to stand up and walk?" "Dont hurry." "Wanna do it here?" If there would be a textbook about how to get off a girl from us, that sentence would not be there, but with her shyness it could work. "If you want." I really should learn that trick will backfire, 2 times fail is not just coincidence. "Im just joking, I just hoped you will get off me if I drop in that question." "I wanted..." "Laila, please, thats not the right time and place for that. We have to move, if we are late, it can raise the chance of Andariel and Seira is getting caught." "I will support you in walking." As I stand up, looking down, I see my own blood, there is really a lot, I would fall again if Laila would not support me. With her help, I dress up. Dressed up by her, I gained a Laila XP... Ouch, every steps hurt like hell, that wound is still not fully healed -how could I expect it with that little time, I dont even know how long was I unconcious-. "Will you leave the bag and everything else here?" "We dont need them anymore." Now I have time to observe her closely again, thats the first time when she is that close and we are not about -or at least she- to have sex. I notice her expressions, she tries to hide it but I can see she feels pain too, that echidna caused some painful injures to her too. "I think I can walk on my own now." "No, let me still support you." "I see you are in pain too, there is already enough pain for you to endure." "Supporting you will be never painful for me." "Just because you choose me, you dont have to "sacrifice" yourself because of me, think about yourself first." And we argue about it for a while, during that "night walk" in the ruin. That ruin is just too plain to be related to a high rank person tomb -because she gives of egyptian feeling, the first thing that comes in my mind it is a tomb-, but more fitting for hiding something important. If anyone would see that, they would not think there will be something big treasure or anything valuable. Im surprised just now, we walk for a while but didnt run into any trap. "Isnt it suspicious, we didnt see any trap so far." "You are right, maybe we are not the first here." That thought saddens her a bit, maybe she thinks the treasure mentioned by Andariel is already taken away. "Maybe they were sure nobody will come here, or they would not put the echidna as only guard here." That definitely not cheered her up. Should I mention I owe her really a lot now? Probably not, she would say its her duty and I dont owe her with anything. "Laila, when we get out from here with the "treasure" and Seira, and everything is calm around, I really want to spend time with you alone." "Alone with you..." "And what would you like to do?" "You have to decide." "That time will be for you, you can choose anything and I dont accept "you have to choose" as answer." "Could we finish the ritual?" "You really want to do. Its not like I dont want it, you really are a beautiful girl but I would prefer to do it when we know each other more." "I dont understand you." We cant go on with that topic, we reach a room that is bigger than the tunnels we went through, its like an arena, and in the middle there is someone. |
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| D'awww... when she said that supporting you would have never been painful... just... d'aawww <3 And well, glad to see that you escaped death. You knw, having you die like that could have been a little bit depressing to say at least XD You still have a lot of things to do, and your little Sahuagin to hug! ù_ù |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
Shadowt5 said: and in the middle there is someone And that someone was Sydo. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
beast_regards said: And that someone was Sydo. Please let it be so! PLEAAAASE! |
| What the fuck!? No! XD |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Thanks, yeah, I have much to do. And obviously NOT SYDO! XD |
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| Chapter 12: „We found it! or we found her…” She draw our eyes on her, it was not hard because that room was empty, almost completely empty, we saw a little platform with a book on it but not even a chair, not even a stone that sticks out of the plain walls or floor. She is a small girl –is she a child…-orange hair, red-orange eyes, wearing only a cape, probably –first Laila, now she, am I in the world of girls in cape…-. „Laila, could it be, that book is the stuff that is related to your kingdom?” „Im not sure.” „But the girl, is it possible for a human or monster to live that long?” „No, and I dont know much about the ancient magic, maybe somehow they reserved her.” „Hmmm” Slowly I start to walk toward the little girl –even if I would want I could not walk faster with that injury-, now her eyes are fixated on me. She does not look hostile to me, her eyes show more of some kind of curiosity. I stop few steps away from her and squat down. „Hello” Without answering she is staring at me still, it starts to feel a bit uncomfortable. „Do you understand me?” Still nothing, but I start to feel something, „what is this feeling…” „I feel, she is so cute, vulnerable, I want to reach out to her, to defend her, to take her in bed…” „Damn…” Without finishing her sentence Laila grabs my shirt and suddenly pulls me back. „Ouch, that hurt, why did you do that?” „She put you under a charming spell.” Now I see her point, the atmoshphere I felt earlier is gone now. „What is she? A vampire?” I cant imagine something else that is able to use charm spells. „No, she is a Familiar.” „Hmm, I see why was it that effective on me.” „Because you are a human, every magic is more effective on humans.” „Yes, we can say that.” I just cant tell what was the original reason… She would not heard it even if I would say that, because she went to the book. „Argh, almost forget it –how could I forget her- Laila, dont you know where is the door that connects to the lair?” „Its a hidden door, I cant tell where it is.” She doesnt even look at my way, she is immersed in the book. I start to look for the door, touching every possible stones, looking for a way to open it. After about half an hour, I feel a gaze on my back, good, Laila finished the book, I turn around but for surprise I dont see Laila there, but the little girl and she is not wearing the cape now, least to say, she is still not overdressed, but at least the important parts are covered, but there is something I notice on her arms, glowing words, but I cant recognize any of it. „What would you like little girl?” „Sorry” „Why do say it?” „Sorry for earlier, I didnt meet anyone for long and I got excited when you went to me –was she excited…-and my magic leaked out.” „No problem, I find you adorable without your magic too.” There is no turning back now, with that answer, I totally achieved the „harem hero” title, I hope it will end up with choosing a girl in the end and not continuing endlessly. She answers with a beaming smile. Right at that moment Laila joins us too. „Did you figure out what is the book about?” „Absolutely not” „Why?” „It was written in a language I dont know.” Is she that determined for trying to read it that long even if she doesnt understand it… „Okay, for now could you help me find the door?” „Of course.” From that moment Laila and me looking for the door, I didnt want to ask the girl to help, but she stays close to me all time during the search. After long time, I start to give up, there is no sign of a hidden door. I turn away from the wall and sit down, I need to rest a bit before I continue it, I put my back against the wall and as my head reach the wall, I feel I pushed in something. „THATS THE DOOR!!!!” I shout suddenly as I fall back. „Finally…” Okay, could it become more clichéd? That runs through my head as I look up and realizing my head is between Andariel’s feet, at least she is standing and didnt fall on me. „Uhmm, hello.” „You sure know how to arrive.” She pretended losing her balance and falling on my face. „Oopps, that floor is slippery.” Its absolutely not slippery, that devil, she did it on purpose. „Awww, dont lick me that fast, take your time.” Finally I pulled myself out. „That was close, you almost suffocated me.” „I wanted my „reward” for helping you and I can smell Laila scent on you.” „Because we were together while we got here –I realize she knows it but I still cant tell we almost had sex, because of Seira, I dont know how would she react hearing that-, so thats natural.” Is she jealous or really just wanted to do it as her reward… Finishing that line I turn to Seira. „I meet you again, Seira.” „Tibor, I was so scared.” „Me too, the thought they would hurt you…” „I wanted to see you again.” Even if she spent time together just for less than a day, she missed me, I realize it as we break down in tears. I dont know how long was it as we stood there hugging each other. „We should move, sooner or later they will notice Seira is not in her cell.” „Right, we have to go.” I turn to the Familiar: „You can come with us.” She was a bit surprised but she tagged along with us. Still holding hands with Seira, we walk through the ruin, exactly the same way as we went in. Laila was on my right side, sticking close to me, Andariel and that little girl followed us. Fortunately we didnt ran into anything trouble as we reached the entrance. „Should we go back to Laila’s house?” „No, its too small for 5 of us.” „Andariel, are you coming with us?” „I told you, I need something from you, exactly your help, so for a while I will join you.” „And anyway her house is too close to them, they would find us soon.” „Oookay, so where should we go?” „I know a town far from here, it will be out of her reach, and it would be close to the place where I want to go.” „Ok, so we go that way.” Taking a deep breath, we set out on a new adventure. |
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| And now we found out that someone wasn't Sydo. It is shocking. But it means that you shouldn't be under the effect of his power and can have some fun with the girls. |
beast_regardsJan 3, 2015 4:41 AM
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| What do you mean? That was obviously Sydo. >_> Three of them and Sydo in disguise all following Shadow... This can only go badly... |
| Just forget Sydo, he is not here, he is busy with his girls. XD |
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Shadowt5 said: Just forget Sydo, he is not here, he is busy with his girls. XD Girls? What would Sydo do with girls? |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Ask them to do his hair? |
beast_regards said: Shadowt5 said: Just forget Sydo, he is not here, he is busy with his girls. XD Girls? What would Sydo do with girls? You guys just... *shakes fist* Must not... give... spoilers... I'll make you all pay! Really fucking soon! I swear! XD Back to the actual story. Shad said: I turn to the Familiar: „You can come with us.” She was a bit surprised but she tagged along with us. What was that. Just... wat. C'mon! You should have put a little more... I don't know XD I mean... that's it!? At least she didn't reply "K."! I hope you'll have a bit of explanation for this... anticlimatic event ù_ù That aside, I'm happy to see Seira again, when you found her I was like "Hug her! Go for fuck's sake!" XD We'll see how you'll manage your little harem now lol |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Chapter 13: The sad Devil We went the opposite direction of the bandit’s hideout, the forest seems to dont want to end. We walk for long hours and I dont see any change in the „scenery”, trees everywhere, and not I dont have the feeling of they want to open up a path for us. Both Seira and me are quiet, after the „reunion”, we dont really know how to handle the situation, so much changed since we part ways. At that time we were just 2 of us, alone, and now our little „group” grew with 3 more members, even if its just temporary. Now we have Laila, the Khepri, who wants to revive a kingdom with me, I just dont see how could I help it. There is Andariel, the Devil, as it looks like, she and Laila knows each other for a while, I cant figure her out, she has his naughty moments but can be serious but she sure has his own plan with me. And the newest member, a Familiar, we didnt even ask her name and dont know anything else about her, beside she was alone for long. Now I notice the Familiar and Andariel have a little chit-chat in the back, but it doesnt sound like anything serious, and as I look back, Laila is now our „rear guard”. That journey sure takes a long time and since Andariel and the Familiar stopped their chat, awkard silence felt upon us. I have to break this silence, so I slow down a bit to be at Andariel and the Familiar side. I turn to the Familiar: „What is your name? We dont know it yet.” „I dont have a name.” „Familiars dont get names if their master, mostly a witch, but can be anyone else, leaves them early.” „I see, so we have to give you a name, but instead of it, you should choose it for yourself.” Andariel steps to me and whispers into my ears: „You have to give her a name…” The Familiar looks at me with wide eyes, looks like I gave her a hard task with that, I follow Andariel’s words and give her a name: „Hmm, from now you will be Fianna.” Now she is all smiles. „Im glad you like your name, and by the way Im Tibor.” I feel Laila’s gaze on my back, I know she would say „Dont get too friendly with her, she is dangerous because of her power.” Its not like I dont trust Laila, but I dont have the same feeling as I had while I was under the effect of Fianna’s spell. Now I turn to Andariel: „How far are we from that town?” „We will reach it tomorrow, soon we will stop and make a camp, because the sun will set soon.” „Do we have any equipment for a camp?” „Nothing beside the picnic set, I gave to Laila.” „How could I put it, we „lost” it.” „So we dont have any food, we have to endure the hunger until we arrive to the town tomorrow.” „Could not we hunt here?” „Did you see any animal while we walked?” „Thats true, I didnt see any. How about collecting some edible plants?” „If none of us are has knowledge about plants, I would not risk it, the poisonous plants would kill us fast here.” „Okay, I got it, we will pull it through somehow.” As she said, we stop soon. I tried to help to make a fire but it was not necessary again, Andariel simply collected some branches and light it with her fire magic. Seira watches the fire fascinated. Its not surprising, she is a water creature and she arrived to the land just a bit ago. „Should not we take turns, guarding the others?” „Not necessary, I can stay up all night.” „The Devil never sleeps, right?” „Right.” That doesnt sound convincing, but I will not argue, she sure has her reason to do it. Everyone collected some leafs to put it together as a bed, I was the only one different, because Laila offered her hood to use it and she didnt accepted „no” as answer. We went to sleep, we had a busy day, so everyone fell asleep fast. I didnt dream about anything, my brain was too tired to do it. After a while someone started to shake me and calling me: „Tibor… Tibor wake up!” I open my eyes slowly, as I look up to Andariel’s face. „What happened?” „Nothing, I just want to talk with you.” „Im still sleepy, could not we save it for later?” „Not really, because now everyone else is sleeping.” „Ooookay.” Looks like its something personal, if she wants to talk with me alone. „Im up, what do you want to talk about?” „I know you arrived from another world but you dont know anything about me.” I want to scold her because she should not have to wake me up because of it, but she looks serious about it. „Okay, let me hear about you.” „Im runaway.” „Yeah, I know, from that gang.” „No, I meant I ran away from my family.” „Really?” „You have to know, the Devils were different than we are now. They wanted to destroy every human, but now we wishes to coexist with them, to be accepted by them, but there are still some of us, who still wants to kill all of them.” „And your family belongs to…” „To the ones who wants to kill them and my mother is really determined about it, she trained me through the years, to develop my powers.” „And whats with your father? Could he oppose your mother?” „I didnt meet with my father, he was dead when I was born. There was no way he could survive a Devil.” „Your father was a human?” „Of course. Laila didnt tell you, we monstergirls cant mate with our kind, since we all are females.” „So thats why all of you tried to seduce me that much…” „And Im sorry about hearing it, it feels like your mother killed your father.” „She didnt even denied it.” „Thats tough, so you ran away because of it. When did it happen?” „About 5 years ago, since that I tried to find a man who can accept me and makes me forget about my past, but I didnt find any.” „Why?” „Most of the humans still sees us as evil and they are afraid of us.” „You are an exile, between humans and Devils.” „You are the 1st human who didnt want to chase me away.” „Because you didnt give me a reason to hate you, you are a good girl.” *sip* *sip* „Thank you.” „I should be thankful, you helped me and saved Seira.” She didnt say anything else after that. Even if she is a Devil on the outside, but inside she is much different, she is not evil, her words are true, I feel it. Should I comfort her? She would deserve it after everything she did for us, it would matter a lot to her if a human would openly accept her. And Im an idiotic kind guy, even if it complicates my situation even more, I have to do it. I stand up to go sit behind her, and cross my arms in front of her, to hug her. „You do it just because I told my sad past.” „And what if not?” „You already has Laila, you already did it with her.” „We didnt, and Im not sure about do I feel more about Laila or even Seira.” Maybe I should not have to mentioned Seira too… „Maybe you just dont love her yet, I dont want to stand in her way.” „Be more selfish, and you dont stand in her way.” Im pretty sure I can convince Laila about I can help her that way too. „You are too kind, and you know you would be despised by everyone.” „I can say 1 thing for sure about me, I always lived my life as I wanted, I didnt care about other’s opinion, because its my life.” Am I falling for another girl, after I almost had sex with Laila… „And in a way, you are not different, your mother despises humans, they despise you but you still want to be accepted, that means you also want to live the way you decided on.” „Your words touch me, deep in my heart.” She pulls herself out of my arms and turns in my direction. As her face shows her emotions now, she is beautiful and cute with her little twintails. I reach out my hand toward her face but she sweeps it away. „We cant do it now!” |
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| Your harem has grown and unless you intend to walk down Sydo-path, you should pick your first girl already. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
| Nice to learn a bit more about the characters, I think I like Andariel. I don't know why, but the image I'm getting in my head of Tibor is becoming more and more like this: ...but with MGs, not guns. |
JPAI27Jan 11, 2015 7:10 AM
| Good, really a good chapter. Since you start to have to deal with a few characters always, ALWAYS keep in mind that you need to keep us aware of all of them all the time. Be careful and let us learn more about them as much as possible, so that we won't end up confusing them or forgetting someone. If you keep going like this your story will end up being a really enjoyable story to follow. Only one complaint. Shad said: „scenery” „reunion” „group” „rear guard” Nope. Rather unnecessary, using words like this so often make us think that you're narrating the story while you're drunk XD |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Chapter 14: Harem ending: Rejected „What happened suddenly?” „I dont want you to carry the burden, that I have.” „You would not be a burden for me.” „You dont know, you could not live free if you would be with me.” „I will not tell it, if you would hear it, you would be more involved than it would be safe for you.” „Im already involved with you, so you can tell it.” She does not say any more from that point, I wait a little but looks like she is decided about staying silent. I lay down on the „bed” and try to sleep. She told her past, but she does not tell anything more, its unreasonable, is there something else that is even more dangerous… After a bit, I feel someone wraps her arms around me. My guess by her height is: „Andariel?” „Please dont talk, dont turn around, listen to me and dont stop me when Im finished.” „Okay” „My mother never gave up on getting me back, she sent her underlings to get me back, sometimes only one, sometimes a little army was after me. I spent my days running away, fighting with them, I had to kill them…” She had to kill, I feel she does not want to kill humans, neither other monsters. „Once she sent some humans after me. I could not fight with them, I didnt want to hurt them, they would not have the strenght to defend themselves. They caught me, hurt me, tied me up, I didnt get any food or drink while they carried me back. After a week, we ran into another monster, I didnt see her, I didnt have the will to open my eyes.” She knew she cant hurt humans… „First I didnt hear anything, then in the next moment shouting, screaming and sudden silence again. I didnt want the open my eyes yet, I didnt wanted to see their corpses, I was ready to die by her or his hands. But she didnt kill me, she went to me, and opened my eyes. She had a beautiful face, it was too dark, but at least I saw her face, and she told something: „Everything is alright now little devil girl.” I started to cry: „Please, I dont want to see them…” „You can close your eyes, I will carry you somewhere else.” „She untied me, and picked me up gently. The armor she wore was cold, but I still felt her warmth.” At that moment I twitched: Armor… you dont say it was her… „Yes, she is Laila, she saved me.” „I wanted to thank her somehow, I asked how could I help.” She said: „I have a goal, but for now it doesnt matter, I will take care of you.” „I was puzzled, I dont have any talent, except one thing. I cooked something, something simple, stew. She was surprised about my unexpected talent, she said: „Its really delicious, could you cook for me again and again?” I nodded and I felt that way I can repay her kindness. From that day we travelled together, everytime when someone was after me, she hid me, and she took care of the pursuer. She always said she just tied them, I knew she killed them, she just wanted to comfort me. I cooked to her, and she helped me to improve my fire magic, she said „if you use it correctly, you will not hurt others but you can defend the ones you want to protect." After a while my mother sent more and more pursuers. She knew she cant defend me alone. She sent me to that gang, they took me in, because they didnt have someone who can cook. She hid me there because she knew about Reika, she knew even my mother would not oppose her easily.” Is she that powerful, and I just talked with her… „She stayed in the town, she didnt leave to pursue her goal, she wanted to stay close if something happens.” „After about a year was the first time when she asked something from me, and yes, that was about you and your friend. I accepted her request without thinking.” „I thought it will be easy, I will told what you will have to do. But when I see you, the way you held her hand, your eyes showed your resolve, you were decided about saving her.” „I wanted to scare you away, I didnt want to meet again, because at that moment I felt I found the man who could accept me, but that man already has someone…” She was so much different at that time, and when she was in Laila house, she acted like a pervert, but that phrase is so true: There is more to them, than meets the eye. She pulled me closer, to hug me tighter, I felt her tears on me. When she continued to talk, her voice changed, it was filled with more sadness: „You cant choose me, you have to stay with the little Seira, or with Laila, or maybe Fianna, you mean a lot to them.” She kissed me on my neck and she was about to leave. „Good Bye” She just whispered the next words, but I heard it: „I never wanted to leave you.” I grabbed her hand, without knowing what will I say next. We both stood up, still holding hands, and as I looked into her teary eyes, I knew what I have to say: „I love you Andariel and I will never let anyone to hurt you again!” I found someone I want to protect. |
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| Text colour confusion. Both you and Andariel lines are written in same colour :-) Also unnecessary splitting up with one character. Keeping her around is good option as any, |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
beast_regards said: Text colour confusion. Both you and Andariel lines are written in same colour :-) Also unnecessary splitting up with one character. Keeping her around is good option as any, I checked but its different color (mine is green, Andariel's is navy blue) Thats true, but with the background I found out to her, that exagerration was kind of necessary. Though I dont know what will happen, so it can be anything... |
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| Alright, what a beautiful way to end my stories marathon today. o_o Look, there may have been a few mistakes here and there, maybe a bit of exaggeration indeed... but Hell, I don't really care in this case. I read a lot of stuff today. But I can say that this chapter was definitelly the one that struck me the most this time. You may not have the most... elaborated or complicated descriptions like others have, but holy shit. Even if the scene you described could have been a bit clichéd, or that Maybe you could have... you know... Shad said: „I love you Andariel and I will never let anyone to hurt you again!” ...maybe ditched the "I love you" part, and the scene would have been way better in my opinion XD But still, the emotions and the character you just build around the devil... it was pretty amazing. I'm honest here, I loved this one. Just to say one thing in particular, I really liked your short one liners that were popping out from time to time between the monologue, where you showed how her words were moving you. I'm saying this because I lost count of how many times I've seen monologues going on forever, while the one listening to them just... disappeared completely, or acted like lifeless puppets. Little dettails like that can change a lot. This is why I always say to keep things simple, good job. |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Chapter 15: Left alone „You said because you felt you have to say it...” „No...” „I know. „Harsh words...” „Do you want me to keep here that much?” „Yes, and seeing your teary eyes, you want to stay...” „I...” We heard noises from behind me, I looked back and saw for a moment as Seira ran away. „You have to go after her, I think she heard it.” I hesitated for a second, if I go after her, Andariel will leave, if I stay to convince her, something would happen with Seira. Laila appeared too, probably she heard the noise too, that solved it. „Laila keep her here, Im going after Seira.” I didnt waited for the answer, I sprinted to the direction I saw Seira. I looked long for her in the forest, it was dark, it was not easy to find someone. After a while I was about to give up, eventhough I know it would be terrible if she would be lost somehwere something would happen. From out of nowhere I noticed a faint voice *sob sob*. It has to be her, she has to be close! I followed the noise, and I found her in a minute, she sat and cried at a little lake in the middle of the forest. „Seira, finally I found you.” *sob* „Why did you come after me?” „You ran away without a word, of course I was worried and came after you.” „You said you love Andariel.” „So thats why you ran away (though I knew it). Look Seira, I came to my senses after what I said. I dont really love her, I said it because I want to keep her here, because she wanted to leave and I worried about her.” „You dont worry about me...” Eventhough I know why she ran away, its strange, I feel something else beside it, something uneasiness. „I was worried about you, while you were kept as prisoner. I was a fool, I took granted you will stay with us after we got you back.” „With us...” „Seira, you are precious to me, if you want we can stay here for the night, if you want to stay with me alone.” I knew it was not much to give to her, but I knew she deserves it. I saw a faint light in her sad eyes. „Can you sit down next to me?” „Of course” I sat as close as I could, our shoulders barely touched each other. She didnt pulled herself away. „I dont know where to start. Im sorry for getting you into trouble, Im sorry for saving you that late, Im sorry for not spending enough time with you after it...” „You didnt do anything wrong, I caused trouble again, I know you will leave me, thats why I wanted to leave, before it happens.” „Dont say it, I dont want to leave you, and I dont want you to leave me. And why „again”?” „From where I came I always caused troubles to everyone, I broke many things, because I was too curious and wanted to see everything. The others always scolded me, called me „Good for nothing”.” „Your parents, Im sure they always defended you.” „Just my mother, humans cant live under water.” „I see.” „My mother was always there when I caused a trouble, she always set things right, she said Im a kid yet, and its not a problem to be curious and move around that much. After a while, she was more and more at home, I was happy because I was able to spend more time with her, she always smiled at me, but those smile started to change, her smiles started to look troubled.” From that point her voice became quiet. „I knew it was because all of the troubles I caused, I felt like burden for her. Once, when she was at home, she didnt smile at me, I knew it was because of me. When she went to sleep, I left a notice „I dont want to burden you anymore”, and then, I left.” „I came out of the water for the first time.” She made the hardest decision, leaving her mother. „Did it happen on the day we met?” „No, it was about a week before it. I was not able to go far from the water, something pulled me back, I knew I cant go back. The next day I started to wander around, I saw a human family, the mother, the father and their kid, they played, they smiled each other. I felt something, if I could find my father and let my mother meet him again, she would smile again, I wanted to see her smile again.” She still cares about to see her smile again. „Seira, I want to help you find your father.” „You cant...” „Why?” She stopped talking, she just sat there for minutes, before she forced herself to talk, quietly, it was more like a whisper, a whisper that she wanted to share only with me. „Couple of days after I saw that family, I remembered the name of the hometown of my father, and his name. I went there and asked the people where can I find him. No one knew, they said they moved here just a while ago. In the end I found someone who recognized his name, he asked „Do you really want to see him?” I said „Yes”, I followed him, he stopped at a point. I looked up and I saw the Signboard „Cemetery”, I didnt wanted to accept it, that cant be true. He pointed to a Gravestone near to the entrance, I saw his name on it. I collapsed, cried, long time passed while I lied in front of his grave...” She started to cry even more. „Seira, you dont have to talk more, Im sorry for making you remember it. Cry as much as you want, I will lend my shoulder.” She hugged me, she cried and cried, she cried her soul out. I think she needed someone who will listen to her. I understood why was she afraid of about me leaving her. The crying started to be more and more quiet, and then it stopped, I felt only her breathes and her chest movements as she breathed in her sleep. I picked her up as a princess, I breathed a soft kiss on her forehead, I whispered „I will not leave you alone”, I knew she will not remember it, after it, I carried her back where the others were. I will stay with her for the night, I want to make her feel when she wakes up, there is someone who dont want to leave her, and saying: „You already found your treasures.” |
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| Interesting. BTW I always imagined Sahuagins are not actually living underwater, but on the coast. I imagined they would have something like huts on columns on seashore or cave dwellings, they are closer to water lizards rather than fishes. (before someone gets jumpy, this isn't criticism) Nothing wrong about the story, it's just how I imagined them. |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
beast_regards said: Interesting. BTW I always imagined Sahuagins are not actually living underwater, but on the coast. I imagined they would have something like huts on columns on seashore or cave dwellings, they are closer to water lizards rather than fishes. (before someone gets jumpy, this isn't criticism) Nothing wrong about the story, it's just how I imagined them. I didnt take it as criticism, and anyway if you remember chapter 3, when I talked with Seira about Sahuagins, I mentioned her look has a bit of sea dragon feeling. |
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| Chapter 16: The morning arrived in the woods The morning came fast, I guess it was pretty late when I got back with Seira, evereyone else were asleep, good thing, Andariel is also here. I woke up with the feeling of being in a cramped space, Seira is clinging to me, not that I mind, but if she stays like this, she will feel my morning wood... „Good... Morning...” She woke up finally. „Good Morning Seira. Please could you let me off?” „Its comfortable.” „Or at least loosen your grip?” „No.” „Seira?” She just looked into my eyes, she has beautiful eyes, but no, I must not lose here. „If you dont do it, I will poke you.” „I dont mind.” Seriously what happened, its like a switch turned on in her, acting that clingy. And she suddenly started to rub against me... „She showed her true self.” … … … „Andariel, since when you started to watch us?” „Since you woke up, its fun to watch how you want to hide it.” I should not be surprised about she knew whats going on with me. … „Andariel?” „Yes?” „Could you help me?” „Sure” She puts her hands under my shirt. „Just what are you doing?” „Helping to take care of your morning wood.” „I meant could you pull Seira a bit away?” „You cant deny it, you want it.” *stares* … … „Good Morning, Fianna” „I want to join...” „Better not...” „It looks fun” „You dont even know whats happening now.” Andariel whispered into my ears: „Familiars are an „artfical race”, they are for having sex with their master or bring partners.” … … „Maybe you know it, but still no.” As she tries to join, a sudden voice interrupt it. „We should get going.” Its Laila, my lifesaver, if this would continue, something irreversibile would happened. Seira was the first who got away from me, with an „I wanted more” face... Why do I think it was not just because „dont leave me”. Fianna is like a good child, immediately started to get ready. … … … „Andariel” „Yes” with a chirping voice... „Please get off me, you too.” „We can walk like that.” A true devil... „Please, I need to do something, alone...” „Let me help.” „You know what Im planning, right?” „Am I no good? Maybe you want Fianna, she was „made” for that.” „You know it happened because all of you rubbed against me...” „So you were close. Can I?” „Its not like I would not like it but...” Just what the actual fuck am I saying, and why acting tsundere... „Dont worry, I will keep it secret, and it will not mean you have to settle down with me.” *stares* „You 2, please do it, we want to go...” „Its not fun if they know it.” Without saying anything (I will not tell her, I was close to agree to accept her „help”) I start walking, its hard, my leg is still not fully healed, and Andariel is still hanging on me. „You were serious about walking like this.” She whispered her answer: „Yes, after the night, you made it too hard for me to leave, so I decided to be with you as much as I can.” I answer her quietly, I dont really want the others know about it. „Im happy you stayed with us.” „No, I stayed with you, eventhough Seira helped me in the past, now Im here because of you.” „Dont say things like that, you will make me embarassed.” „Hehe, I would like to see it, but I can wait.” „It will be for the better.” „You will talk with Laila today, right?” The mood suddenly turned into serious. „You know, I promised to her.” „I know its selfish to ask, but could you spend a bit more time with me after we arrive there?” „You are acting strange, whats with you?” Something is off, really off... „I want to believe to you...” „What do you mean?” „I know you didnt really mean what you said last night, but it still feels good, I want to believe it.” „Andariel, its so sudden now.” „I know, but if you spend time alone with Laila, you will love her, she does not show it, but she is really caring about you.” „I know, because of the...” „Its not true...” I ignore the fact that she basicly said Laila maybe has feelings about me. „Andariel, do you want me to love you?” „I-I dont know.” I stay silent, for the better. And anyway I noticed Laila expression, she is sulking, if I dont do something, our alone time will be not much enjoyable... |
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| You should really pick the girl before this gets far too Sydo-ish :-P |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
beast_regards said: You should really pick the girl before this gets far too Sydo-ish :-P I dont see any problem with it. :D |
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Shad said: Do you really want to see him?” I said „Yes”, I followed him, he stopped at a point. I looked up and I saw the Signboard „Cemetery” My reaction here was more or less a confused bunch of italian blasphemies. XD Poor girl T_T The part where you explain how you said "I love you" just for letting her stay with you... I see what you did there! ù_ù Still, you're disgusting man! After 10 minutes you were trying to hug the other one! You animal! XD (jk) The second chapter was really funny though. You can see the experience of a hardcore harem lover there. I honestly have no idea how you'll be able to survive something like this... dealing with so many girls at the time... God. Good luck man XD (I'm not really sure about which girl I should cheer for yet. à_à) |
"You keep changing the shape of your eyes. How does that even work?" -AbhLeaderKrelian |
| Chapter 17: The „silent” walk „Andariel, when can we reach that town?” „Hmm, couple of hours probably from now.” „Look, as I see something is off with Laila, could we hold a little break, I need to talk with her, and not while we walk.” … „Andariel, is it that hard to decide?” „Its more like...” „Are you still afraid of losing me if I talk with her privately?” „You dont know her yet, you will...” „Nothing will happen with just one talk.” Sudden silence... Uncomfortable silence. She talks a lot, it feels a bit uncomfortable when she is silent... „Tibor...” „Hmm?” „After the break, will you... carry me again?” „Well, why not.” I didnt want to tell her I can hardly walk like that and my injury started to hurt. I let out a big breath and ask: „Could we rest here?” As it looked like, everyone else wanted to rest, because all of them collapsed on the ground almost immediately, except Laila. I was not surprised about Seira, she/we stayed up late, Fianna was in a lair for long, I guess she is not used to long walks. I step to Laila, after putting Andariel down. „Laila, is everything alright?” „Yes...” I ask her a bit stronger: „Is everything alright?” „Yes...” „Dont be stubborn, I saw your face earlier.” „Why did you carried Andariel all along?” „She was...” „She was not tired.” „Do you know she wanted to go away last night?” „I know.” „Then you should understand she was a bit more clingy after I convinced her to stay.” „I wanted to carry you.” … … … „Khm, Laila, if you would do that, that would not be good.” „But your leg is injured.” „But it would be embarassing for me.” „But I wanted...” She really caught up on carrying me. „Because Im your king? You know you should not do that, even if you would have to.” „Its not because of it...” That short sentence striked me „Its not because of it”, is she...” „Laila?” „I dont understand what happening to me, I dont know what is with me...” „The break is over, get going!” Andariel timing could not be any worse than that. *sigh* „Okay...” Without giving any chance to skip the carrying, she already hopped on my back. Its uncomfortable again, she is not talking again. The rest of the walk was in complete silence, Seira and Fianna are just not in the mood simply, but Andariel silence is surprising, not surprised about Laila, the talk was broken at the worst moment. My mind is filled with Laila during that time. What happened with her, she didnt acted like that, and she said its not because of her mission, did she developed feelings... But why so suddenly, she must heard what we talked with Andariel during the night, and she saw me leaving to get back Seira, those events triggered it... Aaaaaa, no matter how much do I think, I have to talk with her to know it. This forest has a strange feeling, there is no animals, I always thought a forest should be full of life, filled with the voices of animals, the songs of the birds, but here is nothing, all we hear is our steps. After that time, the town must be close, I expect a small, hidden village, and it gives me goosebumps when I think about it might be a ghost town, no life in the forest, and no life in the town too. I hope its not some horror clichéd town, in that case, I would rather stay outside all the time. In about half hour, we are out of the forest (I thought it will be in the forest), there is a little road, not too wide, its good maybe for 3 people to walk side by side, its made from little rocks throwed together, and everything else around is so green, I never thought green could be blinding. As Im looking around, Andariel points forward: „There is the town Sharram.” After an hour, a silent hour, we reach it's entrance, it has big walls, its must be an important city if its defended that heavily. I dont see the end of the walls, but in about every 50meters is a tower, and I notice holes on them, those are not damages from wars, more like holes for the archers. I put down Andariel before we step in through the big gate, this town is crowded, its a big city with full of people everywhere, it must be a rich town, all of the shops, even the house of the blacksmith looks clean, and their signboards are huge and all of them has at least an expensive looking jewel in it. I turn to Andariel: „We are here, where is our inn?” „Follow me”[/i] We followed her, she lead us to the „White Lisianthus”. It looks nice but sticks out of the place, it looks too simple compared to the other buildings here, but I will not complain, after long days, even if I will have a long talk, I will sleep in a comfortable bed, and I will sleep long. |
Shadowt5Mar 5, 2015 4:29 AM
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| You really need to employ some kind of harem manager :) |
| Signature removed. It was too good for this cruel world. |
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