Yuri with blood, tits, and no apologies – would you even read this?

Reminds me of:

It neither excites nor disgusts me. I am confused why you censored it like that. You obviously don't live in Japan. Is it policy of the websites you uploaded on? If not I dont know why you didnt choose something more artistic than a white blur. The art is fairly nice but you need to improve on action poses, that running panel looked off. The panel with overlay text you can barely read the text over the girl. You need to improve your bottle drawing the curve looks wrong at the base where the bottles look kind of flat. Your story telling skills need work, where everything feels too fast paced and missing crucial details like it weirdly jumped from one scene with some guy choking presumably her mom to some guy at school to the other guy again but it isnt that clear who any of these people are and the dialogue of saying "you made me do this" there is no setup for that to know what bullshit he is spouting. The dialogue and narrative feels weird in some other parts like how is she a victim if she seems to be doing fine and got fit? Why leave a note but then just pop into the room telling her to drink it anyway? Also she just kind of takes someones word for it the guys she killed are criminals and should die? There has to be some reason they are immune or got away and going after them when they are unarmed and not doing anything? They werent even doing anything just walked over. That kind of makes her look a bit like a psychopath. Youd have to explain why they were even in that field of space to begin with.

@traed
Thanks for the detailed feedback — this is only Chapter 1 and I kept it tight, but I get your point on pacing and panel flow. Kuina isn’t meant to be a ‘safe’ or ‘likable’ protagonist, she’s rough, raw, and not explained all at once. Some things will clear up in the next chapters. As for censorship, that’s site policy, not my choice. Appreciate the time you took to break it down

@Danielking7891
It is more tricky to write characters like that to come off the right way I think

@Zarutaku

Kind of bittersweet that the whole town is trying to protect lesbians from the hunter, lol.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of nudity for the sake of nudity. Her background story was rushed over, leaving no lasting impression. If it's going to follow the harem route, I'm not a fan of that either.

I wish you the best, though.

@Fluffygreygrass
Yeah the nudity felt forced with that one low crouch pose is something I didn't really mention. Other than that it would have felt natural enough in the moment I guess but also did kind of feel like it is just there to be there. I find harem pretty vague a term how people use it since it can mean anything from a poly relationship to a love rivalry to just everyone lusting after one person for no particular reason. The former two I find better than the last and love rivalries are better when it is not all going the same direction but more a love triangle / polygon.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of nudity for the sake of nudity. Her background story was rushed over, leaving no lasting impression. If it's going to follow the harem route, I'm not a fan of that either.

I wish you the best, though.