Post sites, journals, wherever you put your stories on.
If you plan to make an update thread (a thread were you'll be saying when you have updated a story with a link to that update and such) post the link here and I'll edit this header (which will contain all external/internal links)
I wrote a novel a couple of months back. It's not a great book but people tell me it's good to pass the time. Any comments are appreciated. There are a couple of grammar problems I think, because I didn't do a thorough editing job at the end.
well i don't have a place I post my stories really, but I wrote five pages of a beginning to a story I might work on, it's also technically stand alone in a way. It's still a rough draft, but it is edited. Any critiques are welcome. This was made in word, double spacing so if u copy paste it, it might be read easier.
Serene believed in many things, preparation being chief among them. Sights and sounds faded while she observed her mark. The day and place had been provided, via her employer. The man idly sat at the table, his visitor long since disappeared. The local guest remained a mystery; it had been a hooded figure wearing much the same clothes as she wore now, maybe a tad more expensive. They both wore dark clothes that hung a little loosely, wrapped around their bodies. She however, wore a set of chest armor underneath and an armguard strapped to her right arm. Her boots were sturdier, more suited for running.
Serene guessed it to be a local visitor, only because one shop sold such things. She however, wore a wrap to cover the bottom portion of her face, which was only removed for a brief moment, to let the barmaid know it was her. Serene had been ecstatic to receive a mission in her own hometown. The life of a mercenary usually didn’t allow such a luxury. Serene refused to be considered a servant. Her recent employer, Gin, had seen potential and paid to keep her exclusively under his employ. She’d grown increasingly tired of him. Aside from the steady pay to keep her, his promised rewards began to decrease with each new mission. She almost quit, until he finally offered her a reward worthy of a mercenary and a task somewhat challenging.
The man finished his drink and stood, snapping Serene from her career ponderings. He moved toward the door. Serene quickly nodded to the barmaid, offering her thanks and the promise of a later payment. Carrying weapons was common in her district; she could see the two blade scabbards swaying back and forth like tails.
“All trade has been halted on the sea! The neighboring ports have been hit with a storm!” Shouts, of the day’s news, resounded from the end of the street.
The man turned left away from the sound, avoiding the dwindling crowds as a result of the setting sun. He was heading in the direction of the city guard. Her time was shortened, if he made it there, then it would be far too risky. Of course the real reason Serene found this a challenging mission, was because she didn’t want to kill him.
Following from a safe distance, she watched the man walk at a steady pace. Up ahead she saw an empty street, save two other men. It wasn’t until she’d gotten closer that something began to bug her about the situation. These two other men turned on a side street, and her mark followed. She kept walking, wondering what it could be that had been the problem. She peered round the corner and looked to see the man slowly walking and the other two were missing. Serene quickly covered the distance and was within feet of him, she drew her weapon.
“Hello there, Sir!” Serene shouted innocently.
The man turned around to face her. “Huh? What can I do for you?” The mark smiled at her.
Serene was surprised; usually her large triangular blade would startle her opponent. He wasn’t afraid at all.
“You just received a document correct… and now I’d like it if you handed it over. I’ll pay ten gold pieces for your trouble, if you cooperate.” Serene knew the man was not a common errand boy.
“Really now, this just won’t do. You see, I have my own job. I’m supposed to kill the person who asks for it.”
During this time Serene had realized what had been bugging her earlier. While his leather boots, pants and shirt were somewhat of a different style, all three of the men had worn the same hood. She noticed the two men at her back to the left and right exit the shadows behind her.
Serene’s blade had a dip in it, at the exact middle. Some people would think that striking it would weaken her blade. So when she swung at the man to her back left, he’d used his might to hit it there, hoping to force her back with strength or break the blade. This was exactly what she wanted. The man held up his blade having scored the hit, but his head was inexplicably cut.
For a moment, this spectacle stopped the other two attackers. The blade had bent and killed her adversary. Serene smiled while the blade returned to its normal shape. She immediately jumped back giving herself some distance to breathe.
“A Hinge Blade!” The extra man shouted in surprise.
Serene’s blade had one edge of sharpness like a katana, while the extra metal served as a housing to protect the two springs inside. The middle dip of the blade was where the hinge had been placed. The more strength someone used against her blade, the faster and harder the other half chopped down. Then, the springs would return it to its normal resting state.
“Die!” The extra man lunged at her immediately, most likely enraged from watching his comrade fall. A silly mistake, Serene believed preparation was the key to any battle.
She feigned an attack and he fell for it. He’d dodged to his side and held his blade as a defense, making sure to try and guard the tip of her blade and avoid a spring reaction. She’d pull out a knife from her baggy clothing and killed him with a direct stab to the heart.
The mark had stayed back…still smiling. “That’s pretty good. I’m impressed, but it won’t be enough.”
“Why is that?” Serene quickly put her blade back and grabbed hold of her Hinge Blade.
“You’re too weak to beat me.” He pulled out his two blades and slowly began to walk toward her.
Serene knew she had the reach on her blade, but his second blade would be hard to deal with. She used one hand to hold her main weapon and pulled out the knife again. “Am I?” Serene challenged, lifting the large blade single-handed. The Hinge Blade was actually only a little heavier than a regular blade. She trained her body countless hours to fight in this style. She ran toward him maximizing her distance and advantage with a quick stab.
Her mark swiped with both blades, parrying the attack. She was just about to stab him with the knife, when he jumped back getting nicked by the knife. Serene brought up a second thrust. The mark swatted it and slashed out with the other weapon, keeping distance between them.
“It should be working very soon. You’re in the big leagues now, you should know better. I wanted to see how good you were before I killed you. I’m not as impressed anymore.” Her mark smiled, showing a toothy grin. His body began to glow.
“Shit, an enchantment.” They’d been evenly matched with the distance on her blade and his longer secondary blade. Now, with an enchantment enhancing his senses and abilities she was outclassed. Wizards can only cast magic on one area, casting a spell took all day. So in order for an enchantment to be effective, a warrior would have to pay a large sum and prepare for the enchantment the day before and time of the battle for the exact moment his enchantment would activate. She’d walked into his trap.
With a speed she did not expect he moved toward her. She swung too late and he avoided the attack. Her knife swing only avoided his one blade, while the other slashed her shoulder. It hurt, but wasn’t deep enough to slow her. He jumped back and rolled to avoid her Hinge Blade and rushed at her again. She threw the knife at him and he avoided it again, but it gave her some breathing room. Serene gripped her blade with two hands and tried to use her armguard to hit him with. He barely avoided a hit to the face. Using ridiculous speed, he cut the inside of her arm, knocking the Hinge blade out of her hand.
Her mark laughed spinning his blades in a show of superiority, while she used her arm guard as the only thing between her and death. Blood dripped down from her hand. He was toying with her.
“Well, I’m enjoying this little….” For the first time, there was no smile on his face. He stumbled a little.
Serene’s turn to smile arrived. “It looks like my own little trick is working. You should say your name out loud for me while you can. I want to know my adversary before he’s defeated.”
“Hh..how..did..you..” The man fell on all fours and didn’t have the strength to lift up his body
“I believe in being prepared. You should really watch what you drink. I had your drink spiked in the tavern with poison. I didn’t want you passing out near the guards, so you forced my hand. If you’d only have gone through the crowds, I could have been your sister and helped my drunken brother home.” Serene laughed. “Then you wouldn’t have fought me, and I’d have what I wanted.”
Her adversary collapsed. Serene waited as many seconds as she dared, hoping no one would stumble upon their little scene. She rifled through the man’s belongings and found the document, as well as some money. Then, she grabbed a hold of another piece of paper. It was in Gin’s handwriting, asking to kill her. Serene picked up her knife, and finished him in a quick cut, then sheathed her weapon.
“Gin has a lot of explaining to do.”
I'm gonna post a the start of a story/novel (don't know yet) so please comment. I know that it needs some polishing, so that's why I'm posting it here. I have a second part but I want to read some feedback first.
P.S. Don't pay attention to the names cause their crap. I'm not very good at making up names so any help is appreciated.
P.P.S. If anyone is interested about doing a work in duo let me know. Two heads think better than one I always say.
There was no time. There wasn’t any time. He told himself he had to keep going. He kept going for their sake, not just for himself. They said it would be easy, but they were wrong. So very wrong. “Loner” thought about this while looking back at his pursuers. “Loner”, that’s what he called himself, was running down the alley looking back, and also at all his surroundings to see if he could find an escape. The rain made it difficult to see but he knew where he was going. He glanced back one more time, even though he didn’t need to. He could hear all four of them with their chainmail clanging all the way to their feet. He could hear them even though they were 30 feet behind him.
He thought that it was because of their heavy armor, but something at the back of his mind told him that that was impossible. He kept running, but he knew it would not be forever. At that same time he felt something coming from behind and he dodged to the side just in time to see an arrow fly past where his head was just a second ago. He didn’t stop, but heard someone curse at him. He grinned.
“Stop! Thief!”- bellowed one of the guards pursuing him.
He kept running until finally he began to see a wall at the end. Since he knew there were four guards behind him he began to slow down and he could hear the labored of the guards, knowing they were not accustomed to running long distances. They began to catch up.
“Now we got you! There’s nowhere to run!”- said the guard panting. But little did they know that they had fallen into his trap. Just as they were gaining on him he began to count.
Ten… Nine… eight… seven… six… five feet…
“There is no es-“. He didn’t even let him finish.
He spun around, took out one of his hidden blades and swung it in an arc; and cut the guard’s throat. Since he could hear them all the time they had been running he knew where they were. So without breaking a stride he stepped to the side and went to the second one. The guard saw what had happened, but when he tried to raise his sword “Loner” blocked its rise with the second hidden blade and cut his throat with the first one.
Without stopping to see if the guard was alive or not, he moved onto the third one. Now, this one was prepared because he had his sword raised already; but “Loner”, with all his years of training saw his next movement and parried the strike to the side just enough for the sword to hit the ground. So, when the guard went down with the sword head first there was a blade waiting for him and his head never touched the ground, his sword even less.
After “Loner” got the blade free he realized that there were only three guards so he looked for the fourth one and found him running away. He knelt down beside the first guard because, to his surprise, was still breathing.
“Still breathing?”- he smirked.
“You kill us… cough… cough… but we will get you… just like we took care of them.” The guard was smiling just as he gave his last breath.
“Loner” got up and looked at the night sky and felt the rain on his face. He thought that the rain had mystical powers since every time it rained he could feel his troubles washing away. It always calmed him. He didn’t know why. It just felt good. Somehow “Loner” always felt at ease when the rain kept falling on his skin. He closed his eyes for a moment and was reminded of something… something from long ago… something forgotten. Maybe it was the smell of the rain… or maybe it was the sound the drops made when they hit the ground. It felt like… HOME.
Dova:it seems good :D I liked how u thought of distance by steps/feet, but it is hard to tell. u have a lot of repeated words like Loner and the beginning about time, my own submission repeats itself a little too much as well lol
Thank you for that neutraleyes. I already did the second part, but I'll take into consideration what you said (well in this case wrote lol) for the others. I'm already working on the third part.
Here it goes. Let me know what you think.
There was, only for a moment, a nostalgic feeling; but there was no time to think about that now. He had to get out of there before more guards came. He cursed himself for letting that last one get away, but nothing could be done about it now.
Quickly looking around the alley he was he noticed that he was surrounded by buildings, and that they had windows at their highest part. He found some boxes on the wall of one of the buildings he could climb. Even if he got on the boxes there was still some way to reach the window. Alas, he wasn’t worried because his training let him jump and climbed a little way up the wall to reach the window with ease.
I need to get back, he thought as he climbed the window to the roof. Once he got there he began to jump from building to building without stopping. As he jumped over alleys he could hear everything that was going on below. And today more than most days since it was raining. He could hear people talking, rats scurrying for food. In another alley he heard a couple arguing and thought about stopping to see, but decided against it. The urge was unfamiliar to him; but still he kept going.
After he ran for maybe ten of fifteen minutes he reached his destination. He came from the Housing District and arrived to the Warehouse District. He stopped on top of a warehouse looking opposite of another. The one he was looking at was smaller compared to the ones around it. Actually, they weren’t really warehouses, they were houses abandoned long ago; the reason being that there had been some disappearances long ago and the bodies started appearing in this part of the city. After that people started to think the district was cursed and so began to leave the place and settled elsewhere in the city. They left the things in their houses and just left fearing the curse. Then, after a couple of years later they changed the name.
That’s what always happens in this city.
The city popularly called “Nettogrof”. This is where everything changes and nothing ever lasts. That’s what “Loner” thought as he watched the guards ransacking his house.
“Wonder if they found it?”- he asked no one in particular.
That told him it was time to move on. When that happened he knew it was time to get out of the city. It wasn’t his first time moving. He had been at it for a couple of years now. Ever since that day. Damn it why can’t I remember. He continued to move and waited until morning at another abandoned house.
After he woke up he headed to his house. He knew what to expect and it was exactly that. The furniture was thrown around, the table and chairs were broken. He didn’t care anyway because it wasn’t his. The stuff was already there when he decided to stay. He continued to walk to the bedroom that was at the back of the house. The bed was torn open and everything inside was thrown around the room. He didn’t even notice the smashed bed as he continued to walk to a corner of the room.
There was a loose brick in the wall and he held his breath as he pulled the brick out of place. He gave a sigh of relief when he saw that all his stuff was there. It was only a leather bag which he hung across his chest feeling it was safer like that. Then, he opened the bag to check if anything was missing, and thankfully everything was there: the coins he would need to buy a horse to get out of the city; and also to eat, his stomach agreeing with the thought.
Giving thanks to no one in particular, he took out his treasure. It was a silver necklace with a half red sphere as a charm. He kissed it and put it around his neck always wondering what kind of rock was, since every merchant he went to didn’t know what kind of rock it was. Also, it wasn’t split down the middle; it seemed like it was broken with a hammer; but all merchants he went to say the same thing: that it was cut that way deliberately because being like that it couldn’t be forged.
He put the necklace under his dark brown shirt, away from prying eyes. He always felt that the necklace had some kind of meaning. There was some kind of foreboding and sad feeling to it. That’s why he put it on only when he was going away from each city. Giving no more thoughts to this he began to make his way out of the house. He stepped into the living room being careful not to disturb the place as to leave it like the guards left it. As he got to the door he looked back into the house thinking when will be the last time this would happen. So, he stepped outside and was greeted with fist coming for his face; and as everything went black he thought, Why didn’t I see it coming?.
I wrote this few years back, and I know , I was living in my own world kind of back then, and my writing skills were not so good, bu I'l put it anyway....not a story, just something....And I'm new here, so if I screw up with the spoiler button, don't be surprised hahaha XD
Like a bell, my heart, when it's not beating,
it stays still, without music, without a sound.
Like a waterfall, my heart can be overflowed,
with my blood going in my brain,without stopping.
Like the Earth,my heart with no specific goal,
has a strange path, and works only to work, without any help.
And the clock, yes, the clock.
Like a clock, that is only counting seconds,
captured by time, without knowing what's coming next.
And when the clock stops, it stops.
Like my heart, driven by time, it's running out,
and eventually
it will stop
Now i see how different my writing is now, and how I'v changed, I'm not sure that I would write something like this, but, everything that I make, I'ts mine, my master piece, so I'm probably the only one who needs to love it . And I'm not that good with english grammar, and I'm to lazy to go on google translate heheh
Don't depend on anyone, because even your shadow leaves you,
when you're in darkness...
