Hi everyone.
if you don't mind i will be sharing Scene 01 of my work.
I need feedback so that i can improve in areas that will help me progress as a writer.
Scene: Inside the Guild Hall, Ground Floor
Characters: Oldman, Lucy, Veron, Armoured Man
Oldman leans back in his creaky chair, running a hand through his grey beard as he eyes the parchment on the table with clear frustration.
OLDMAN
(grumbling)
Another missing cat… seriously?
LUCY
(cheerfully, trying to lift the mood)
Master, we should be glad we’re still getting quests at all.
OLDMAN
(sighing deeply)
If things stay like this, we might have to close this guild for good.
LUCY
(optimistic smile)
Don’t worry, Master.
One of these days we’re bound to land an A-rank quest.
The guild hall’s main door creaks open.
VERON steps inside, his shoulders slumped and expression dark.
OLDMAN
(concerned)
My boy, why do you look in such a terrible mood?
VERON
(irritated)
Difficult customer.
Despite completing the quest exactly as asked,
he paid me a hundred berries short.
LUCY
(rolling her eyes)
That must be Tyler, then…
The infamous miser.
VERON
(grimly nodding)
Yes. Him.
Anyway—any new quests?
LUCY
(flatly, unenthusiastic)
Same old cat-finding quest.
VERON
(throwing his hands up, exasperated)
Unbelievable! At this rate, we’ll be chasing furballs till the end of time.
The guild door bursts open.
A man in knight’s armour strides in, thick blond hair flowing behind him.
ARMOURED MAN
Who commands this guild?
Bring him forth.
I carry an urgent task.
OLDMAN
(eyeing the knight carefully)
That would be me.
I lead this guild.
How may I be of service?
ARMOURED MAN
I am the Knight Commander of the Royal Knights.
Prince Will is soon to be crowned heir to the throne.
But the ceremony requires a crown—
forged in gold, and fitted with the Dragon’s Gem.
The gold we have.
What we lack… is the gem itself,
resting deep within the dragon’s den atop Mount Drakeguard.
OLDMAN
(in shock)
This is no task for ordinary folk, Sir Knight.
Such a mission befits knights like you.
Why seek our services for something so perilous?
ARMOURED MAN
(solemnly)
The Royal Knights stand watch at the kingdom’s borders,
holding back threats that stir in the dark.
And with the prince’s crowning so near,
dangerous eyes turn toward the royal city.
Our blades are bound elsewhere.
If your guild accepts this task,
and succeeds before the ceremony,
you will be rewarded with one million berry.
LUCY & VERON
(in shock, shouting together)
A million berry!?
ARMOURED MAN
(leaning forward, voice firm)
So, what do you say?
Are you up for it?
OLDMAN
(thoughtful, stroking his beard)
Give us a day to decide.
A task like this may require preparation.
ARMOURED MAN
(assured, with confidence)
You need not worry.
All provisions and supplies for this quest
will be provided by the crown.
OLDMAN
(serious)
How shall we reach Drakeguard?
ARMOURED MAN
The royal wagon outside will carry you to the foothills.
From there, the journey continues on foot.
OLDMAN
And you, Sir Knight? Will you join us?
ARMOURED MAN
(firmly shaking his head)
No. My duty ends at the foothills.
The wagon and driver will remain, awaiting your safe return…
hopefully with the gem.
OLDMAN
(solemnly)
Very well. Give us an hour.
We will make ready.
ARMOURED MAN
I will be waiting by the wagon.
The armoured man turns sharply, his boots echoing against the wooden floor as he strides out through the guild doors.
LUCY
(grinning, almost bursting with excitement)
What did I tell you, Master?
We finally got an A-rank—no… an S-rank quest!
VERON
(clenching his fist)
Finally—a quest worthy of being done!
OLDMAN
(worried look)
Hold your horses, Lucy… Veron.
This task isn’t as simple as you think.
Tell me—how much do you know of Drakeguard?
LUCY
(tilting her head, sheepish)
I’ve only ever heard of it in bedtime tales.
VERON
(grinning faintly)
I’ve heard the legends too…
but that’s all they are, right?
There’s no actual dragon guarding the gem… is there?
OLDMAN
(frowning, remaining silent)
VERON
(eyes widening in shock)
Don’t tell me—there is a real dragon living at the peak!?
OLDMAN
(sighing heavily)
…
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