aixelsyd's Blog

pending

So I got my first Nigeria scam e-mail going by "Dear friend, :insert long generic BS about millions of U.S. dollars in West Africa:"

I decided the best way to respond, as a proper Christian, was to make my own not-so-generic mini tract:
-----------------------------------------------------
To: [name omitted]
Dear friend,

Do you know Jesus?

Do you know that you can find forgiveness now despite the fact you are a criminal and a con artist?

It's okay, in the Bible, it is written that all have sinned and have fallen short of the grace of God.

The good news is you can change and stop being a scammer and live your life with real purpose and dignity versus living a life of repeated epic fail attempts.

After all, we find in John:

John 3: 16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. 19This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 20Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. 21But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

May you find release from your otherwise sad existence.

God bless.

--[factitious name]


To:

From: [name omitted


----reply----

Dear friend,



It will be a surprise for you to receive this mail, welcome this letter. I am (name omitted), The Director of the Accounts & Auditing Dept, At the Bank of Africa Burkina Faso Ouagadougou- West Africa.



With due respect I Have Decided to contact you on a business transaction that will be Benefit both of us. At the Bank's Last Accounts/Auditing Evaluations, my staffs Came Across an old account which was being maintained by a foreign client who we learnt was among the deceased passengers of an Airline Crash On 6th Nov 2002.



Since the deceased was unable to run this account since his Death. The Account has remained dormant without the knowledge of his family since it was put in a safe deposit account in the bank for future investment by The Client. Since his demise, nobody, not even the members of his family have applied for claims over this fund and it has been in the safe deposit Account until we discovered that it cannot be claimed since our client Foreign national and we are sure that he has no next of kin here to File Claims over the money. As the director of the dept, this discovery was brought to my office so as to decide what is to be done. With the few personnel in my Dept, we decided to seek ways through which to transfer this money out Of the Bank and out of the country too.



The total amount in the accounts is (US$7.5M) without positions as staffs of the bank, we are handicapped because we cannot operate foreign accounts and cannot lay bonfire claim over this money. While we were contemplating on what to Do, a Friend of mine who works with the chamber of commerce and industry recommended your personality to me advised I should ask you for Help to Transfer this money out of the country. The client is a foreign national And You will only be asked to act as his next of kin and I will supply you With All the necessary information’s and bank data to assist you in being able to Transfer this money to any bank of your choice where this money could be transferred into.



I and my partners have decided to give away forty (40%) to you for Your Assistance and ten (10%) for any expenses that might arise during the Transaction of this transfer. We want to assure you that this transaction’s absolutely risk free since we work in this bank which is why you should Be Confident in the success of this transaction because you will be updated with information as at when desired. Kindly fill this below information so that I will use them to process next of kin application form, which you will fill and send to my bank for the transfer.



Full Name........................

Home Address...........................

Age................................

Sex.......................................

Personal Number...........................

Fax Number.................................

Receiving Country.............................

Occupation.............................



I need your urgent response to enable us proceed further for the transaction.

Thanks and remain blessed.



You’re faithfully

[name omitted].
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At least now I have my own generic response for generic scam artists...might keep a copy for the next time people call me for same similar BS purposes. God, people are so stupid and annoying.

Apparently I got a reply of nothing. Automated much?

Anyways, I almost feel like going into those Christian chatrooms where you get bugged by Nigerian scammers left and right just to patronize them and give them twenty minutes of hell. Sob-story MFs.

Case study 1:

Bear (.Hack) and Braveheart

Bear:





Obvious similarities with Mel Gibson from Braveheart:





Coincidence? Nah. The idea to take a Blademaster and make him look like Mel Gibson ready to kick ass in the name of Scotland doesn't seem that far-fetched. Or original.

One of the more satisfying things about youtube is simply the comments.

Anonymous (unless they're mine and I say so) quotes:

(I WILL keep this one up to date):

"So wait, how did Giygas go from an alien to this formless background of insanity? Did he divide by zero or something? "

"all we can do now is pray to Burger King "

"Crap, someone divided by 0 again...twice in a day.
Shit. "

"You cnnot gasp the true form of McGygas's Ran Ran Ruu "

"PUSH START TO McGIYGAS. "

"McGiygas isn't from hell. Hell is from McGiygas. " <---one of the best I've seen. Deserves to be a T-shirt slogan.

"Dear god... I can't believe I watched this whole thing at 1:00 AM.
I just... couldn't look away... "

"o____________________________o ;;;; "

"it...wont...end... "

"at 1:58 it becomes unbearable. god I hope this is not the first transmission aliens recieve from our civilization or were fucked. "

"This should be re-named McGiygas with more stuff from hell. "

"Final fantasy can kiss this game's ass. "

"This song makes me think of General Ourumov breakdancing, in some peculiar musical dedicated to Goldeneye " --this one has over 100 thumbs up, too.

"This song is like if the Jaws theme got stuck in the Twilight Zone."

"Don't ever let Homer Simpson go into Tourian.

"WOOHOO!!! FLOATING DONUTS!!!" "

"Swanky is the rightful heir to the host position of The Price is Right. "

"R.I.P. Great Deku Tree. Your wooden moustache will forever live on in our hearts and minds. "

"blend a C4 bomb :D "

"blend a blender? "

"Everything blends....

Unless you're Chuck Norris. "

You know what pisses me off: people who take small things way too seriously and become asses to other people for no apparent reason. Take an online game, for instance. People get worked up over the stupidist shit. I've been player killed on a game such as Diablo II simply because I was one of several barbarians in a party clearing the Chaos Sanctuary where Diablo himself dwelt. Well, a paladin or somebody died, came back to recover his corpse, and found someone took his gold. Well, first off, it is very easy to accidentiy pick up someone's gold when not thinking. I did such a thing once when I died and another guy died next to me. I came back to recover my corpse and saw a fairly large sum of gold by my body so I assumed it was mine. The other guy then accused me of purposefully taking his gold. He was not very nice about it but he didn't go on about it. I decided it was not worth me explaining and dropped a large sum of gold on me on the ground to prove my point and left the game on the spot: shows how little I care if I get or lose gold.

Anyways, back to the incident where I was player killed.

Well, I was in the said party of a few barbarians among some other classes. The guy died. He found his gold was taken and somehow concluded one of the barbarians took it. He bitched and moaned for his gold back and suddenly turned hostile. I wrote how much money I had on me, which was only about 100 gold, which is absolutely nothing, to make the point that it was not me. This guy apparently had selective literacy as he PKed every barbarian in the party, including myself. I recovered my body and basically wrote something along the lines that whenever I die, someone usually ends up taking my gold but I'm never one to bitch about it as he was, and that this guy was acting like an impudent child. I got no response from that immature fucker, but he is just one example of the kind of idiots I among other people have to deal with on a fucking game.

Usually the amount these people lose in gold is about thirteen thousand. That really is not a huge sum of gold. I agree that people should not take people's death gold, but I think going so far as to PK someone because of it is really damn retarded.

One thing that really does bother me, however, is people taking other people's set or unique items. Sometimes those things get dropped because someone needs to rearrange their inventory. Once I died and a unique sword I was using dropped on the ground...not sure what happened there. Anywho, those things do drop, but what sickens me is how these greedy little bitches who play this game will snatch whatever dropped like ravenous dogs snatching a scrap of meat. It's pathetic. People with class who play that game will wait a bit to see if the player is discarding the item by walking away from it for a while, or they will ask. They don't just grab it the second it's on the ground.

The really sad part is that when the player didn't mean for it to have been dropped and asks for the item back, the little shit who takes it will play deaf and not give it back, or they will outright say that it's their's now or something. I've also seen people ask for something in return if they give it back, which is basically initiating a trade without the other player's consent: real assfucks.

While I believe a lot of people get worked up for nothing, I am NOT saying that it is okay to then be an asshole to people, making the claim that it is just a game. Going around and PKing people, calling players fags (unless they are indeed being very gay), and stealing valuable equipment is just bull shit and should not be. Even though it is a game, players are dealing with other players who are real people, too. They should be treated with the same respect as one would be treated in any real life circumstance. I'm not saying that people should be dishonest in order to be polite. If someone really pisses you off and you just have to let it be known, that's fine. Do it. Just don't go around shoving people's faces in your steaming pile of fecal matter because that's just rude and disgusting. After all, nobody plays a game to smell other people's asshole vomit.

Thanks to the existence of social networking websites such as MySpace and blog sites like LiveJournal and Xanga, the Internet has become more than a cesspool of nerdisms of all sorts. It is now acceptable as well as expected for non-nerds and cool kids to be Internet junkies.

This is not acceptable.

Nerds need to take back the Internet and make it what it used to be. It needs to be a haven for social hermits, for counter-culture kids, for D&D dorks, and for fringe-theorists, for fan boys and fan girls, and for brainiacs, and real hackers and crackers.

The Internet is just another marketplace for the idiotic masses of brainless flesh. Though once cyberspace was ruled by intelligent people, now the smart people are being driven out by the average ignoramus, just like in offline society.

Well I call bull shit.

It's time to take the Internet back. And this small blog entry is just a stepping stone towards not the pond, nor the lake, nor the sea, but the ocean of revolution.