May 5th, 2024
ZettaiBlog 470: Admiration-worthy Magical Girl
Anime Relations: Mahou Shoujo ni Akogarete
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time we did the Mother’s Day blog. Now it’s time for a magical girl of conflict.
: Wait, what conflict ya mean? Surely ya dun mean…
Not sure what you’re thinking, but no. I mean people hate you and your series for being about middle school girls.
: Foolish people, I say! I’m very proud of being…
As you should be, as I was pleasantly surprised by your show!
: What does dat mean?
Well, it was a popular fanservice show and people usually favor bad fanservice shows. Like Highschool DxD, Uzaki, or Tawawa. But yours was good!
: Dey must be dairy farmers, cuz dey only like COWS!
How appropriate. But as said, I really enjoyed your show. Hopefully Ivrea brings it…
: Whozzat?
An Argentinian publisher that hogs all the raunchy manga in Spain. And Jojo. But enough expository banter! Let’s begin the blog!
: Yes!
Body
Hair
Kaoruko has blonde hair. Not my favorite hair color, but it fits her being the “yellow” girl. Otherwise her hair is excellent, being a great hime cut with two small “air vents” on top to look more ojou and elegant. Her hair is also the best length, being long but not enough to cover her ass, and a bit wavy too. She also has a big yellow ribbon on the back of her head. At the beach she has a big bun. Overall Kaoruko’s hair is really nice, for a blonde.
Score: 7.5
Eyes
Kaoruko has blue eyes. Not a great color, and this show has quite a few blue-eyed girls too which is lame (included another member of Tres Magia). Her eye shape is cool though, being half-closed. Still, one of her two weak spots.
Score: 6
Build
Kaoruko does really well here. She lacks measurements sadly, but she’s the short one of the team (except on a silly scene where she was drawn as tall as Haruka) and the flat one too. However, unlike other flat girls Kaoruko is fine with being flat, and in fact she takes pretty well Kiwi’s mockery and mocks her large chest instead. This is awesome and more girls should take notes. Otherwise she has a great slender body we see often and has no flaws worth mentioning. I also like her :3 face she often makes. And speaking of faces, this show has “people can’t recognize us when transformed” as a plot point of sorts; no Clark Kent moments here. Neat I guess.
Score: 10
Butt
Kaoruko shows ass decently. Shame she got spanked with Basier’s crop in the first episode and not by her hand, that would boost her score. Still, not bad.
Score: 6.5
Clothes
Kaoruko’s other weak spot. Most of the time she’s in her school uniform (which is a boring sailor uniform) or her Magia Sulfur outfit (which is nice but not sexy). Otherwise it’s casual clothing and a bikini. A shame.
Score: 6.5
Mind
Personality
Kaoruko rules. She’s a magical girl called Magia Sulfur (sounds smelly) and part of a group called Tres Magia (that’s not how Spanish works), which fits an evil organization called Enormita. While she appears to be demure and proper, deep in she’s a tough and powerful girl (if a bit rude) who fights with gauntlets by punching really hard. However, to protect her image in front of children she pretends to be a barrier user. She’s also the smart one from Tres Magia, and the “straight man” of the team. Overall she’s just great, not a complex character but one that panders to me perfectly. For some background data she likes FPS games (boo) and junk food, and dislikes octopus enough she eats octopus-less takoyaki. Though she hates tentacles in general, including tentacle attacks. Again, Kaoruko is just perfect for me.
Score: 10
Reception
Kaoruko does well here. Her show is very popular, especially in Japan where it outsold Frieren. Sadly, while most Western fans enjoyed it some terminally online people hate it because “muh see-pee” while defending Cuties and other garbage. Idiots. Most people like it though! Also Kaoruko is one of the most popular characters and that helps her further. Awesome.
Score: 9
Libido
Kaoruko is interesting here. Going from research she ends getting paired with Haruka due to one time they accidentally kiss and Haruka doesn’t remember (but Kaoruko does). She also gives Loco Musica and Leberblume relationship advice. It’s all yuri because it’s one of those shows where men are hidden or something, like Love Live. Still, not bad. And as said before she hates tentacles a lot (I support that).
Score: 7
Age
Kaoruko is 14. She’s also a drawing, so who cares. Still, not the best age for blogs but far from a bad one. Birthday is the 17th of August so go being Leo the best sign.
Score: 8
Voice
Misaki Ikeda is a fairly new VA, but does a good job. Kaoruko has a Kansai accent and that helps.
Score: 8
Total: 77.5 - Excellent
: Not a bad score!
Of course! Despite minor issues, you are an amazing punchy magical girl! Cures should learn from you!
: Of course! *suddenly a villainous little sister appears*
: Zettai! I came to get revenge!
: Ugh, just looking at ya hurts ma eyes. What an appalling pastel color palette.
Go away, Mihari. Shouldn’t you be smelling Rikka’s flatulence anyway?
: A wizard did it. But I came to destroy you!
This isn’t a show for kids, you can say kill.
: And ASS!
: Ewww, asses are gross! That’s why I hate both of you!
: I hate ya though. How dare people think ya disgustin’ show is “wholesome”? How is turning a poor guy into a little girl “wholesome”?
: Because he now has “some hole” he did not have…
: And ya have a more socially acceptable show? GO TO HELL! *punches Mihari so hard she gets sent flying*
: At least it’s not a faaaaaaaaaart… *twinkle*
Great show of strength, Kaoruko!
: Indeed!
And next time… Not sure!
Welcome back. Last time we did the Mother’s Day blog. Now it’s time for a magical girl of conflict.
: Wait, what conflict ya mean? Surely ya dun mean…Not sure what you’re thinking, but no. I mean people hate you and your series for being about middle school girls.
: Foolish people, I say! I’m very proud of being…
As you should be, as I was pleasantly surprised by your show!
: What does dat mean?Well, it was a popular fanservice show and people usually favor bad fanservice shows. Like Highschool DxD, Uzaki, or Tawawa. But yours was good!
: Dey must be dairy farmers, cuz dey only like COWS!How appropriate. But as said, I really enjoyed your show. Hopefully Ivrea brings it…
: Whozzat?An Argentinian publisher that hogs all the raunchy manga in Spain. And Jojo. But enough expository banter! Let’s begin the blog!
: Yes!Body
Hair
Kaoruko has blonde hair. Not my favorite hair color, but it fits her being the “yellow” girl. Otherwise her hair is excellent, being a great hime cut with two small “air vents” on top to look more ojou and elegant. Her hair is also the best length, being long but not enough to cover her ass, and a bit wavy too. She also has a big yellow ribbon on the back of her head. At the beach she has a big bun. Overall Kaoruko’s hair is really nice, for a blonde.
Score: 7.5
Eyes
Kaoruko has blue eyes. Not a great color, and this show has quite a few blue-eyed girls too which is lame (included another member of Tres Magia). Her eye shape is cool though, being half-closed. Still, one of her two weak spots.
Score: 6
Build
Kaoruko does really well here. She lacks measurements sadly, but she’s the short one of the team (except on a silly scene where she was drawn as tall as Haruka) and the flat one too. However, unlike other flat girls Kaoruko is fine with being flat, and in fact she takes pretty well Kiwi’s mockery and mocks her large chest instead. This is awesome and more girls should take notes. Otherwise she has a great slender body we see often and has no flaws worth mentioning. I also like her :3 face she often makes. And speaking of faces, this show has “people can’t recognize us when transformed” as a plot point of sorts; no Clark Kent moments here. Neat I guess.
Score: 10
Butt
Kaoruko shows ass decently. Shame she got spanked with Basier’s crop in the first episode and not by her hand, that would boost her score. Still, not bad.
Score: 6.5
Clothes
Kaoruko’s other weak spot. Most of the time she’s in her school uniform (which is a boring sailor uniform) or her Magia Sulfur outfit (which is nice but not sexy). Otherwise it’s casual clothing and a bikini. A shame.
Score: 6.5
Mind
Personality
Kaoruko rules. She’s a magical girl called Magia Sulfur (sounds smelly) and part of a group called Tres Magia (that’s not how Spanish works), which fits an evil organization called Enormita. While she appears to be demure and proper, deep in she’s a tough and powerful girl (if a bit rude) who fights with gauntlets by punching really hard. However, to protect her image in front of children she pretends to be a barrier user. She’s also the smart one from Tres Magia, and the “straight man” of the team. Overall she’s just great, not a complex character but one that panders to me perfectly. For some background data she likes FPS games (boo) and junk food, and dislikes octopus enough she eats octopus-less takoyaki. Though she hates tentacles in general, including tentacle attacks. Again, Kaoruko is just perfect for me.
Score: 10
Reception
Kaoruko does well here. Her show is very popular, especially in Japan where it outsold Frieren. Sadly, while most Western fans enjoyed it some terminally online people hate it because “muh see-pee” while defending Cuties and other garbage. Idiots. Most people like it though! Also Kaoruko is one of the most popular characters and that helps her further. Awesome.
Score: 9
Libido
Kaoruko is interesting here. Going from research she ends getting paired with Haruka due to one time they accidentally kiss and Haruka doesn’t remember (but Kaoruko does). She also gives Loco Musica and Leberblume relationship advice. It’s all yuri because it’s one of those shows where men are hidden or something, like Love Live. Still, not bad. And as said before she hates tentacles a lot (I support that).
Score: 7
Age
Kaoruko is 14. She’s also a drawing, so who cares. Still, not the best age for blogs but far from a bad one. Birthday is the 17th of August so go being Leo the best sign.
Score: 8
Voice
Misaki Ikeda is a fairly new VA, but does a good job. Kaoruko has a Kansai accent and that helps.
Score: 8
Total: 77.5 - Excellent
: Not a bad score!Of course! Despite minor issues, you are an amazing punchy magical girl! Cures should learn from you!
: Of course! *suddenly a villainous little sister appears*: Zettai! I came to get revenge!: Ugh, just looking at ya hurts ma eyes. What an appalling pastel color palette.Go away, Mihari. Shouldn’t you be smelling Rikka’s flatulence anyway?
: A wizard did it. But I came to destroy you!This isn’t a show for kids, you can say kill.
: And ASS!: Ewww, asses are gross! That’s why I hate both of you!: I hate ya though. How dare people think ya disgustin’ show is “wholesome”? How is turning a poor guy into a little girl “wholesome”?: Because he now has “some hole” he did not have…: And ya have a more socially acceptable show? GO TO HELL! *punches Mihari so hard she gets sent flying*: At least it’s not a faaaaaaaaaart… *twinkle*Great show of strength, Kaoruko!
: Indeed!And next time… Not sure!
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | May 5, 3:25 AM | 0 comments
May 2nd, 2024
ZettaiBlog 469: The Better Space Pirate Mother
Anime Relations: Uchuu Patrol Luluco
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time we faced an Esper. Now it’s time for a space pirate. Wait, when did Haruhi take over my blog?
: I don’t know who this “Haruhi” person is, but if she likes me she has great taste.
I agree as you’re a great woman….
: That I am! And I’m thankful I’m getting blogged, ahead of my daughter even!
Of course, as you’re my favorite of your show. Not that the rest are bad, but you’re really awesome!
: True! You can tell the good stuff. I shall allow you to talk about me, so go ahead!
Sure! And lest I forget this is a Mother’s Day blog, which remember comes earlier in Spain than in the US or Japan!
: Spain isn’t Mexico either! And don’t treat it like a second rate country!
Body
Hair
Lalaco has orange hair. Orange is a rare color in anime, but it’s not bad and fits her red clothing and fiery personality. The main issue is the length though, as she has a bob cut. A fierce bob cut, but still. She also has normal bangs with the big middle bang. I’ll say her pirate hat is pretty cool though! Still, not the best start (but not terrible either).
Score: 7.5
Eyes
Lalaco has blue eyes. Blah blah an overused color blah blah. The shape is cool though. Also her daughter Luluco has blue eyes too, clearly got them from her.
Score: 6
Build
Lalaco is mixed bag here. First the good: she’s tall and shows off plenty. Now for the issues, which are basically she lacks measurements (expected) and is quite busty (not a surprise). The busty part isn’t too bad in the show but sadly it’s what 90% of her fanart focuses on, and that sucks. People into breasts are so selfish. Still, Lalaco is fairly good otherwise. Oh, and she can turn into a gun, like Megatron (more of a cannon). That’s neat I guess.
Score: 7.5
Butt
Lalaco has a nice, mostly-exposed ass. She needs to show it more (and better fanart, as said) but she definitely does well here. Trigger sure loves its assy evil moms.
Score: 6
Clothes
Lalaco only has one outfit. As said she’s a naughty girl and doesn’t cover much skin, but you can tell she’s a pirate (space pirate, at that) just looking at her. She’s good. As an extra I’ll mention her cape uses the same effect as life fibers do in KLK, which given the show might be because they ARE life fibers. Or maybe it’s a reference or a recycled effect. Who knows!
Score: 7
Mind
Personality
Lalaco is pretty cool. She’s a space pirate and does whatever she wants because a pirate is free. That puts her at odds with her husband and daughter (Luluco, the daughter, being the main character), who just want normal lives in spite of their weird everything else. She’s a minor antagonist and a bit of a troublemaker, but ends learning to appreciate her daughter as she shows how tough she’s got. As said she has a very “pirate” personality, being carefree and doing things for her own sake. Overall she’s a really cool character, which is why I liked her the best in the show.
Score: 8
Reception
Lalaco’s only flaw. Her show isn’t the most popular, she isn’t THAT much in it, and she lacks fanart compared to the main cast (and is mamocentric on top of that, as said). Granted, she does alright in all of these things regardless and being in a Trigger show helps, but still. A shame.
Score: 4
Libido
Lalaco does well. Mainly “by default” due to having a daughter (though she fights her husband a lot). She also is fine with going around half-naked. Not bad I guess.
Score: 7
Age
Lalaco lacks a given age. She’s the mother of a middle school girl though, so she does okay “by default” again.
Score: 9
Voice
Youko Honna is pretty cool. Lalaco needs to befriend a Yukana girl.
Score: 7
Total: 69 - Good
: What a middling score!
Really? I think it’s quite… nice.
: What’s nice about sixty-nine!?
Hahaha! *suddenly a terrible alien girl appears*
: I think the narrator is biased, but no matter. Zettai! I came here to defeat you!
Go away, rotten peach.
: But my “peach” isn’t rotten, it’s clean and small!
And that’s why you’re vile and disgusting. Get out!
: One of Emperor Gideon’s daughters… Imagine the ransom money I could get from her!
: Eeek, a space pirate! Lalaco the space pirate! I heard of you because you’re the raunchiest space pirate out there!
: But you heard of me.
: Nothing good! I’ll run away before you turn into a gun and-
: I don’t need to do that to defeat you, I just need my PIRATE BOOTY! *hip attacks Momo on the face* Better than my TREASURE CHEST, ohoho.
: Stinks… *passes out like the vile woman she is* I heard that! *passed out people don’t speak* Sorry.
: Excellent. I’ll take her and ask her parents for money! Bye! *leaves*
I don’t think they’ll want her back… But that’s Mother’s Day blog over! Next time, I don’t know!
Welcome back. Last time we faced an Esper. Now it’s time for a space pirate. Wait, when did Haruhi take over my blog?
: I don’t know who this “Haruhi” person is, but if she likes me she has great taste.I agree as you’re a great woman….
: That I am! And I’m thankful I’m getting blogged, ahead of my daughter even!Of course, as you’re my favorite of your show. Not that the rest are bad, but you’re really awesome!
: True! You can tell the good stuff. I shall allow you to talk about me, so go ahead!Sure! And lest I forget this is a Mother’s Day blog, which remember comes earlier in Spain than in the US or Japan!
: Spain isn’t Mexico either! And don’t treat it like a second rate country!Body
Hair
Lalaco has orange hair. Orange is a rare color in anime, but it’s not bad and fits her red clothing and fiery personality. The main issue is the length though, as she has a bob cut. A fierce bob cut, but still. She also has normal bangs with the big middle bang. I’ll say her pirate hat is pretty cool though! Still, not the best start (but not terrible either).
Score: 7.5
Eyes
Lalaco has blue eyes. Blah blah an overused color blah blah. The shape is cool though. Also her daughter Luluco has blue eyes too, clearly got them from her.
Score: 6
Build
Lalaco is mixed bag here. First the good: she’s tall and shows off plenty. Now for the issues, which are basically she lacks measurements (expected) and is quite busty (not a surprise). The busty part isn’t too bad in the show but sadly it’s what 90% of her fanart focuses on, and that sucks. People into breasts are so selfish. Still, Lalaco is fairly good otherwise. Oh, and she can turn into a gun, like Megatron (more of a cannon). That’s neat I guess.
Score: 7.5
Butt
Lalaco has a nice, mostly-exposed ass. She needs to show it more (and better fanart, as said) but she definitely does well here. Trigger sure loves its assy evil moms.
Score: 6
Clothes
Lalaco only has one outfit. As said she’s a naughty girl and doesn’t cover much skin, but you can tell she’s a pirate (space pirate, at that) just looking at her. She’s good. As an extra I’ll mention her cape uses the same effect as life fibers do in KLK, which given the show might be because they ARE life fibers. Or maybe it’s a reference or a recycled effect. Who knows!
Score: 7
Mind
Personality
Lalaco is pretty cool. She’s a space pirate and does whatever she wants because a pirate is free. That puts her at odds with her husband and daughter (Luluco, the daughter, being the main character), who just want normal lives in spite of their weird everything else. She’s a minor antagonist and a bit of a troublemaker, but ends learning to appreciate her daughter as she shows how tough she’s got. As said she has a very “pirate” personality, being carefree and doing things for her own sake. Overall she’s a really cool character, which is why I liked her the best in the show.
Score: 8
Reception
Lalaco’s only flaw. Her show isn’t the most popular, she isn’t THAT much in it, and she lacks fanart compared to the main cast (and is mamocentric on top of that, as said). Granted, she does alright in all of these things regardless and being in a Trigger show helps, but still. A shame.
Score: 4
Libido
Lalaco does well. Mainly “by default” due to having a daughter (though she fights her husband a lot). She also is fine with going around half-naked. Not bad I guess.
Score: 7
Age
Lalaco lacks a given age. She’s the mother of a middle school girl though, so she does okay “by default” again.
Score: 9
Voice
Youko Honna is pretty cool. Lalaco needs to befriend a Yukana girl.
Score: 7
Total: 69 - Good
: What a middling score!Really? I think it’s quite… nice.
: What’s nice about sixty-nine!?Hahaha! *suddenly a terrible alien girl appears*
: I think the narrator is biased, but no matter. Zettai! I came here to defeat you!Go away, rotten peach.
: But my “peach” isn’t rotten, it’s clean and small!And that’s why you’re vile and disgusting. Get out!
: One of Emperor Gideon’s daughters… Imagine the ransom money I could get from her!: Eeek, a space pirate! Lalaco the space pirate! I heard of you because you’re the raunchiest space pirate out there!: But you heard of me.: Nothing good! I’ll run away before you turn into a gun and-: I don’t need to do that to defeat you, I just need my PIRATE BOOTY! *hip attacks Momo on the face* Better than my TREASURE CHEST, ohoho.: Stinks… *passes out like the vile woman she is* I heard that! *passed out people don’t speak* Sorry.: Excellent. I’ll take her and ask her parents for money! Bye! *leaves*I don’t think they’ll want her back… But that’s Mother’s Day blog over! Next time, I don’t know!
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | May 2, 5:19 AM | 0 comments
April 20th, 2024
ZettaiBlog 468: The Naked Lunch of Anime
Anime Relations: Zettai Karen Children, Zettai Karen Children: The Unlimited - Hyoubu Kyousuke
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time we did a smart girl. Now it’s time for a stupid one!
: Who are you calling stupid, asshole?
I mean you…
: About time you covered me! Afraid I would put an end to blogs, huh?
Nah, I just wanted to cover all three of you. Eventually I said “screw it” and did just you.
: Because I’m the best of The Children, right?
No, you’re the worst one. Which, believe me, is no small feat.
: What? I will pulverize you!
Not so fast! I shall blog you first!
: Hmph, whatever suits your fancy as a last wish…
Body
Hair
Kaoru has red hair. Red is a nice color, and fits her well. She even grows up her hair after a timeskip! But then she commits an unforgivable sin: she cuts her hair (for some bullshit reason, even). Who the fuck wrote this, Nisio Isin? Why would you make a girl grow her hair only to cut it? Why don’t we cut the author’s balls while we’re at it? Fuck Kaoru.
Score: 1
Eyes
Kaoru has red eyes. Sometimes they look purple though. The shape of eyes in this show is kinda ugly though. Still, this is her best trait easily.
Score: 8
Build
Kaoru bombs this easily. See, while her and her two buddies are lolis, the series goes WAY out of its way to make them adults all the time. Like, all the damn time. This culminates on a timeskip of 2 years that look at least 6 so they can be cows all the time, Because yes, Kaoru (And Shiho, but not Aoi) grow up to be cows. Then again her sister and mother are also cows. What a cursed family. You don’t make a show about lolis and name it “Absolute Lovely CHILDREN” (Emphasis mine) is you’re going to make them grow up all the time. That’s just trolling, and nobody does it the other way around either. Fuck this show. Also for some data Espers tend to have a weaker body because of power abuse, but not Kaoru because reasons. Okay. Oh yeah, her adult form has measurements. They’re mamocentric so I refuse to post them. Again, fuck this show.
Score: 1
Butt
Kaoru doesn’t show ass. Or maybe she does. Does anyone care? I don’t, so let’s move on.
Score: 1
Clothes
Kaoru also bombs this. She actually wears a nice variety of costumes, even sukumizu. But only so they can show her cow form in them. Fuck you!
Score: 3
Mind
Personality
Kaoru is terrible. And she shouldn’t be, as she is prophesized to be the Queen of Catastrophe that will destroy the world and Minamoto and friends try to prevent it. I assume they do since found no data on the ending, would be funny if it had a bad ending to troll the audience (I hope not though). She would destroy the world with her psychic powers, as it’s a show about Espers and her and her friends are very strong.
Sadly her personality sucks. Most of it is stuff that goes in Libido, but overall her and her friends are spoiled brats, annoying, rude, mean, and unfunny. They are horrible people who deserve no sympathy and yet they keep being hateful towards Minamoto (male lead and only likable protagonist) for no good reason. This series is called “Zettai Karen Children” but the whole title is a lie: they aren’t children most of the time, there is nothing lovely about them, and unlike AVGN and the Nostalgia Critic Zettai (me) does not appear. Fuck this show.
Score: 1
Reception
Kaoru is mixed bag here. Yes, her show sucks, and for some unholy reason the manga had 63 volumes and lasted for 16 years (and here I thought Hayate with 52 volumes was bloated), but the catch is the show isn’t very loved or popular otherwise. That means we don’t have to deal with many fanboys salivating over this blight, always a relief.
Score: 5
Libido
Kaoru does worst here. In one hand, she’s a mamocentric pervert despite claiming not to be a lesbian (what?). In the other, she’s a tsundere without dere that beats up Minamoto for no reason. It’s like they took the worst romantic traits of male and female characters and made a new character with both. And it sucks. Fuck Kaoru (pejorative).
Score: 1
Age
Kaoru is 10 years old, which isn’t the best age for blogs. However, she is shown as a cowy 20 year old all the time as said which is even worse. Furthermore, she becomes 12 eventually but looks 16 at least. I know this is mostly the same issue as the body section, and you shouldn’t judge a man (or woman) twice for the same crime, but you know what? Fuck this show. Ah, and her birthday is the 30th of July. Boo her being Leo.
Score: 3
Voice
Aya Hirano is missed dearly (she’s not dead). Sadly, Kaoru other than her first person pronoun of choice speaks like a boy, which is terrible. Much like her show I guess.
Score: 6
Total: 30 - Failed
: What a terrible score!
Well, you’re quite terrible. So it makes sense.
: Silence! Now I shall crush you with my cool Esper powers!
Voice: So you are an Esper, familiar-sounding girl?
: Who is that woman of the beautiful voice?
: ME! *appears* And I’ve been looking for aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders! If you’re an Esper, then you’re interesting!
: Wait, what are you-
: Come! *drags Kaoru away* I shall force you to wear a bunch of costumes and let men fondle you for fun and profit!
: Heeeeeeeelp!
Nah, screw you. Next time… Who knows?
Welcome back. Last time we did a smart girl. Now it’s time for a stupid one!
: Who are you calling stupid, asshole?I mean you…
: About time you covered me! Afraid I would put an end to blogs, huh?Nah, I just wanted to cover all three of you. Eventually I said “screw it” and did just you.
: Because I’m the best of The Children, right?No, you’re the worst one. Which, believe me, is no small feat.
: What? I will pulverize you!Not so fast! I shall blog you first!
: Hmph, whatever suits your fancy as a last wish…Body
Hair
Kaoru has red hair. Red is a nice color, and fits her well. She even grows up her hair after a timeskip! But then she commits an unforgivable sin: she cuts her hair (for some bullshit reason, even). Who the fuck wrote this, Nisio Isin? Why would you make a girl grow her hair only to cut it? Why don’t we cut the author’s balls while we’re at it? Fuck Kaoru.
Score: 1
Eyes
Kaoru has red eyes. Sometimes they look purple though. The shape of eyes in this show is kinda ugly though. Still, this is her best trait easily.
Score: 8
Build
Kaoru bombs this easily. See, while her and her two buddies are lolis, the series goes WAY out of its way to make them adults all the time. Like, all the damn time. This culminates on a timeskip of 2 years that look at least 6 so they can be cows all the time, Because yes, Kaoru (And Shiho, but not Aoi) grow up to be cows. Then again her sister and mother are also cows. What a cursed family. You don’t make a show about lolis and name it “Absolute Lovely CHILDREN” (Emphasis mine) is you’re going to make them grow up all the time. That’s just trolling, and nobody does it the other way around either. Fuck this show. Also for some data Espers tend to have a weaker body because of power abuse, but not Kaoru because reasons. Okay. Oh yeah, her adult form has measurements. They’re mamocentric so I refuse to post them. Again, fuck this show.
Score: 1
Butt
Kaoru doesn’t show ass. Or maybe she does. Does anyone care? I don’t, so let’s move on.
Score: 1
Clothes
Kaoru also bombs this. She actually wears a nice variety of costumes, even sukumizu. But only so they can show her cow form in them. Fuck you!
Score: 3
Mind
Personality
Kaoru is terrible. And she shouldn’t be, as she is prophesized to be the Queen of Catastrophe that will destroy the world and Minamoto and friends try to prevent it. I assume they do since found no data on the ending, would be funny if it had a bad ending to troll the audience (I hope not though). She would destroy the world with her psychic powers, as it’s a show about Espers and her and her friends are very strong.
Sadly her personality sucks. Most of it is stuff that goes in Libido, but overall her and her friends are spoiled brats, annoying, rude, mean, and unfunny. They are horrible people who deserve no sympathy and yet they keep being hateful towards Minamoto (male lead and only likable protagonist) for no good reason. This series is called “Zettai Karen Children” but the whole title is a lie: they aren’t children most of the time, there is nothing lovely about them, and unlike AVGN and the Nostalgia Critic Zettai (me) does not appear. Fuck this show.
Score: 1
Reception
Kaoru is mixed bag here. Yes, her show sucks, and for some unholy reason the manga had 63 volumes and lasted for 16 years (and here I thought Hayate with 52 volumes was bloated), but the catch is the show isn’t very loved or popular otherwise. That means we don’t have to deal with many fanboys salivating over this blight, always a relief.
Score: 5
Libido
Kaoru does worst here. In one hand, she’s a mamocentric pervert despite claiming not to be a lesbian (what?). In the other, she’s a tsundere without dere that beats up Minamoto for no reason. It’s like they took the worst romantic traits of male and female characters and made a new character with both. And it sucks. Fuck Kaoru (pejorative).
Score: 1
Age
Kaoru is 10 years old, which isn’t the best age for blogs. However, she is shown as a cowy 20 year old all the time as said which is even worse. Furthermore, she becomes 12 eventually but looks 16 at least. I know this is mostly the same issue as the body section, and you shouldn’t judge a man (or woman) twice for the same crime, but you know what? Fuck this show. Ah, and her birthday is the 30th of July. Boo her being Leo.
Score: 3
Voice
Aya Hirano is missed dearly (she’s not dead). Sadly, Kaoru other than her first person pronoun of choice speaks like a boy, which is terrible. Much like her show I guess.
Score: 6
Total: 30 - Failed
: What a terrible score!Well, you’re quite terrible. So it makes sense.
: Silence! Now I shall crush you with my cool Esper powers!Voice: So you are an Esper, familiar-sounding girl?
: Who is that woman of the beautiful voice?: ME! *appears* And I’ve been looking for aliens, time travelers, espers, and sliders! If you’re an Esper, then you’re interesting!: Wait, what are you-: Come! *drags Kaoru away* I shall force you to wear a bunch of costumes and let men fondle you for fun and profit!: Heeeeeeeelp!Nah, screw you. Next time… Who knows?
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | Apr 20, 4:59 AM | 0 comments
April 11th, 2024
ZettaiBlog 467: I'll give you Romanticism
Anime Relations: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball GT, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Movie 4: Saikyou e no Michi, Dragon Ball Kai, Dragon Ball Kai (2014), Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time I did the token game girl. Now it’s time for a girl of great importance!
: That is me!
Yep, that is you…
: I’m glad you’re having me. Though it’s a shame due to the circumstances…
Yeah, this is a homage blog to the late Toriyama after all. A month late, because I’m fast like a Third Grade SS1. Which means not much at all.
: At least I don’t have to be in a time travel arc!
Oh, yeah. My original plan was once Topaz caught up on Dragon Ball have a time travel plot where Bulma and Kurisu Makise would build me a time machine. That ended going tits up…
: Yes, you don’t do long term plots any more! But enough talking about you, time to talk about ME!
True! You’re the focus of this blog, so time to begin!
: Thank you!
Body
Hair
Bulma has lavender hair. Or light blue hair. Depends on the source as the manga (and the 10th anniversary movie for some reason) has lavender and the rest of media has blue. That’s where Trunks and his lavender hair in the old series comes from (even if the way it was retconned in Super was weird), by the way. Both colors are cool and stick out in the series in a good way. As for hairstyles, Bulma has all of them. Seriously, she goes by so many ways and styles it’s impressive. I like her afro when Trunks shows up as it makes her look like a Namekian tree. Sadly the only issue is by the time the Boo arc rolls she has short hair and it sticks on Super and other recent media so shame for that, but otherwise Bulma’s hair is really cool.
Score: 8.5
Eyes
Bulma has lavender eyes. Or light blue eyes. Again manga and anime differ, and manga is definitely better for me. At least both match her hair! The shape is nice and recognizable though. A shame I don’t think she ever wears glasses, but they probably wanted to avoid Lucca jokes. Ah well. We’ll stick to Arale for Toriyama manga meganekko then.
Score: 7.5
Build
Bulma has measurements! Hallelujah! At the start of the series she is 163cm tall and weighs 48kg, and gains 1cm and 1kg during the series. Her three sizes are 85D/58/84 and she gains 5cm in both chest and ass at some point (and goes to an F cup). Running into the 90HB is lame, but otherwise Bulma is fine here, with a well-rounded (heh) figure and no big issues. I’ll say she does get more of a chest focus early on, like the puff-puff (what, is this Dragon Quest?) and the way the Invisible Man is defeated, but nothing too troublesome. If anything, the issue is she used to be as tall as her husband but now Vegeta got his midlife growth spurt or something and is a wee bit taller than her. What, is the woman being taller so bad? No one minds Kuririn and Eighteen! But yeah, minor woes aside Bulma is a pichi-pichi girl.
Score: 8
Butt
Bulma does well here. She shows her ass early in the series (shower scenes>bath ones) and the recent movie had her wish for an ass lifting, which was funny and kinda sexy. It also boosted her ass fanart for a while. Neat.
Score: 8
Clothes
Bulma wears a lot of clothes. From dresses and caps with her name on them (a Toriyama classic), to a bunnygirl outfit, to whatever the hell she was wearing on Namek, she has a fairly large wardrobe. Sadly due to being anime first now she rarely changes clothes (see: her cowgirl outfit from Super) which is not very in-character of her. But yeah, another thing she does well on. Also I don’t think she’s ever be seen wearing her namesake!
Score: 8
Mind
Personality
Bulma is awesome. She’s the daughter of a brilliant scientist and his airheaded wife, and got the best of both as she’s beautiful and smart. She has a rarely-seen older sister named Tights, and at a young age she invented flying cars with Jaco’s outdated alien technology. At 16 she found a Dragon Ball in her basement and invented a radar to hunt them, found two, ran into Son Goku next, and kickstarted the plot of the entire series. Yes, we only have Dragon Ball because of Bulma. She’s cool like that. During the series she remained forever important, with her many inventions and ever useful help. And birthing Trunks, though unlike other DB women she remained still important afterwards. And hey, in the bad future she created a time machine, Great Scott! As for personality, she’s got a big head and is a bit silly (can’t ride Kinto’un), but she’s overall a good person who cares for friends reasonably enough. I like when Trunks said “villains are coming in the future” and she proposed to go get rid of said villains early, she’s practical and that’s good (Trunks got it from her). Sadly her friends are all a buncha fighting junkies. Her favorite food is strawberries. Overall Bulma is great, being funny and sexy and smart while being flawed in reasonable ways.
Score: 9
Reception
Bulma is the most popular girl from the most popular manga outside Japan (possibly inside too). She also has good screentime all over. You can guess how this ends.
Score: 10
Libido
Bulma is good here too. She wanted to wish for a handsome boyfriend at first, which makes her sound perverse, and then dates Yamcha for most of the series. Eventually that doesn’t work and she ends with Vegeta instead, and while it seems a bit weird later material (Especially Battle of Gods) have helped solidify this pairing. Not a surprise as Bulma finds both Blue and Zarbon attractive, so seems attracted to bad boys (who either are gay or kinda appear it). She’s also okay with flashing her panties for a Dragon Ball and using seduction techniques on Zamasu (Shame he’s only into himself, literally). Overall fairly perverse and good.
Score: 9
Age
Bulma is 16 years old when she first appears, and 35 years happen during the series (not counting 5 more for GT). She spends most of her screentime in a good age for blogs, but her early appearance and modern ones are a bit away from that and thus she doesn’t get a perfect score. Her birthday is the 18th of August, so go being Leo the best sign.
Score: 9
Voice
Hiromi Tsuru was Bulma’s voice for many years (and did a good job), but sadly she passed away during the last episodes of Super. So now Aya Hisakawa replaces her, sounding very similar in a good way. For comedy I will add Aya Hirano voices Evolution Bulma (And Dende from Kai onwards).
Score: 8
Total: 85 - Excellent
: That’s a good score!
Yes, really good! But you’re a great girl in a great series, so it makes sense.
: Thanks! *suddenly three blonde girls bearing this flag appear* Who are you?
: We are your nemesis, Dragon Ball character!
: Your series is sexist and denigrating to women, so we came to cancel you!
: After all, we are none other than…
& & : THE VALENCIAN KARENS!
Oh, no, not the Valencian Karens! They got Dragon Ball off the airwaves FOREVER!
: Even though there’s a Dragon Ball character named Paella?
Yes! They’re monsters!
: Males are the only monsters here!
: This series promotes negative stereotypes after all!
: That’s why we stopped it! Go us!
: Really? It’s a wonderful series that teaches the value of effort and hard work! And friendship! And so what if I’m a bit flirty, it’s not like life doesn’t have moments like that, and you have women like Videl and Eighteen who are not flirty but noble warriors! Well, Eighteen is more of a money lover, but she does it for her loved ones! Face it, you’re just racists! But since you won’t listen…. *throws a Hoi-Poi capsule and shoots the machine gun that came out of it*
& & : AIEEEEEE! *they escape*
Well said, Bulma! Though the gun kinda undermines your speech…
: Bah, these people don’t listen to reason. Thanks for the blog though!
Of course! And readers, look forward to the next blog, whenever that is!
Welcome back. Last time I did the token game girl. Now it’s time for a girl of great importance!
: That is me!Yep, that is you…
: I’m glad you’re having me. Though it’s a shame due to the circumstances…Yeah, this is a homage blog to the late Toriyama after all. A month late, because I’m fast like a Third Grade SS1. Which means not much at all.
: At least I don’t have to be in a time travel arc!Oh, yeah. My original plan was once Topaz caught up on Dragon Ball have a time travel plot where Bulma and Kurisu Makise would build me a time machine. That ended going tits up…
: Yes, you don’t do long term plots any more! But enough talking about you, time to talk about ME!True! You’re the focus of this blog, so time to begin!
: Thank you!Body
Hair
Bulma has lavender hair. Or light blue hair. Depends on the source as the manga (and the 10th anniversary movie for some reason) has lavender and the rest of media has blue. That’s where Trunks and his lavender hair in the old series comes from (even if the way it was retconned in Super was weird), by the way. Both colors are cool and stick out in the series in a good way. As for hairstyles, Bulma has all of them. Seriously, she goes by so many ways and styles it’s impressive. I like her afro when Trunks shows up as it makes her look like a Namekian tree. Sadly the only issue is by the time the Boo arc rolls she has short hair and it sticks on Super and other recent media so shame for that, but otherwise Bulma’s hair is really cool.
Score: 8.5
Eyes
Bulma has lavender eyes. Or light blue eyes. Again manga and anime differ, and manga is definitely better for me. At least both match her hair! The shape is nice and recognizable though. A shame I don’t think she ever wears glasses, but they probably wanted to avoid Lucca jokes. Ah well. We’ll stick to Arale for Toriyama manga meganekko then.
Score: 7.5
Build
Bulma has measurements! Hallelujah! At the start of the series she is 163cm tall and weighs 48kg, and gains 1cm and 1kg during the series. Her three sizes are 85D/58/84 and she gains 5cm in both chest and ass at some point (and goes to an F cup). Running into the 90HB is lame, but otherwise Bulma is fine here, with a well-rounded (heh) figure and no big issues. I’ll say she does get more of a chest focus early on, like the puff-puff (what, is this Dragon Quest?) and the way the Invisible Man is defeated, but nothing too troublesome. If anything, the issue is she used to be as tall as her husband but now Vegeta got his midlife growth spurt or something and is a wee bit taller than her. What, is the woman being taller so bad? No one minds Kuririn and Eighteen! But yeah, minor woes aside Bulma is a pichi-pichi girl.
Score: 8
Butt
Bulma does well here. She shows her ass early in the series (shower scenes>bath ones) and the recent movie had her wish for an ass lifting, which was funny and kinda sexy. It also boosted her ass fanart for a while. Neat.
Score: 8
Clothes
Bulma wears a lot of clothes. From dresses and caps with her name on them (a Toriyama classic), to a bunnygirl outfit, to whatever the hell she was wearing on Namek, she has a fairly large wardrobe. Sadly due to being anime first now she rarely changes clothes (see: her cowgirl outfit from Super) which is not very in-character of her. But yeah, another thing she does well on. Also I don’t think she’s ever be seen wearing her namesake!
Score: 8
Mind
Personality
Bulma is awesome. She’s the daughter of a brilliant scientist and his airheaded wife, and got the best of both as she’s beautiful and smart. She has a rarely-seen older sister named Tights, and at a young age she invented flying cars with Jaco’s outdated alien technology. At 16 she found a Dragon Ball in her basement and invented a radar to hunt them, found two, ran into Son Goku next, and kickstarted the plot of the entire series. Yes, we only have Dragon Ball because of Bulma. She’s cool like that. During the series she remained forever important, with her many inventions and ever useful help. And birthing Trunks, though unlike other DB women she remained still important afterwards. And hey, in the bad future she created a time machine, Great Scott! As for personality, she’s got a big head and is a bit silly (can’t ride Kinto’un), but she’s overall a good person who cares for friends reasonably enough. I like when Trunks said “villains are coming in the future” and she proposed to go get rid of said villains early, she’s practical and that’s good (Trunks got it from her). Sadly her friends are all a buncha fighting junkies. Her favorite food is strawberries. Overall Bulma is great, being funny and sexy and smart while being flawed in reasonable ways.
Score: 9
Reception
Bulma is the most popular girl from the most popular manga outside Japan (possibly inside too). She also has good screentime all over. You can guess how this ends.
Score: 10
Libido
Bulma is good here too. She wanted to wish for a handsome boyfriend at first, which makes her sound perverse, and then dates Yamcha for most of the series. Eventually that doesn’t work and she ends with Vegeta instead, and while it seems a bit weird later material (Especially Battle of Gods) have helped solidify this pairing. Not a surprise as Bulma finds both Blue and Zarbon attractive, so seems attracted to bad boys (who either are gay or kinda appear it). She’s also okay with flashing her panties for a Dragon Ball and using seduction techniques on Zamasu (Shame he’s only into himself, literally). Overall fairly perverse and good.
Score: 9
Age
Bulma is 16 years old when she first appears, and 35 years happen during the series (not counting 5 more for GT). She spends most of her screentime in a good age for blogs, but her early appearance and modern ones are a bit away from that and thus she doesn’t get a perfect score. Her birthday is the 18th of August, so go being Leo the best sign.
Score: 9
Voice
Hiromi Tsuru was Bulma’s voice for many years (and did a good job), but sadly she passed away during the last episodes of Super. So now Aya Hisakawa replaces her, sounding very similar in a good way. For comedy I will add Aya Hirano voices Evolution Bulma (And Dende from Kai onwards).
Score: 8
Total: 85 - Excellent
: That’s a good score!Yes, really good! But you’re a great girl in a great series, so it makes sense.
: Thanks! *suddenly three blonde girls bearing this flag appear* Who are you?: We are your nemesis, Dragon Ball character!: Your series is sexist and denigrating to women, so we came to cancel you!: After all, we are none other than… & & : THE VALENCIAN KARENS!Oh, no, not the Valencian Karens! They got Dragon Ball off the airwaves FOREVER!
: Even though there’s a Dragon Ball character named Paella?Yes! They’re monsters!
: Males are the only monsters here!: This series promotes negative stereotypes after all!: That’s why we stopped it! Go us!: Really? It’s a wonderful series that teaches the value of effort and hard work! And friendship! And so what if I’m a bit flirty, it’s not like life doesn’t have moments like that, and you have women like Videl and Eighteen who are not flirty but noble warriors! Well, Eighteen is more of a money lover, but she does it for her loved ones! Face it, you’re just racists! But since you won’t listen…. *throws a Hoi-Poi capsule and shoots the machine gun that came out of it* & & : AIEEEEEE! *they escape*Well said, Bulma! Though the gun kinda undermines your speech…
: Bah, these people don’t listen to reason. Thanks for the blog though!Of course! And readers, look forward to the next blog, whenever that is!
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | Apr 11, 4:20 AM | 0 comments
April 9th, 2024
ZettaiBlog Rescores (2024)
Anime Relations: Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai: Tensai-tachi no Renai Zunousen
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Body
Hair: 9
Eyes: 10
Build: 10
Butt: 6
Clothes: 7.5
Mind
Personality: 10
Reception: 10
Libido: 10
Age: 9
Voice: 8.5
Total: 90 - Outstanding
Comments: Kaguya benefits from finishing the manga, which bolsters her libido for various reasons. Other categories also get upgrades, either for plot reasons or simply because I’ve grown even more into Kaguya reading the manga and find her more appealing, which my score ultimately reflects.
Body
Hair: 9.5
Eyes: 10
Build: 9.5
Butt: 8
Clothes: 8
Mind
Personality: 10
Reception: 10
Libido: 7.5
Age: 10
Voice: 10
Total: 94.5 - Outstanding
Comments: Yor is simply amazing, truly a nearly perfect girl for me. The extra ass focus (sort of) and personality introspection in her show’s newest season patch up what few issues she had, and make Yor the second best scored girl so far. Hell, when you consider Kuroyukihime would score slightly worse now due to her age, Yor could be the top one! She is THAT good.
Body
Hair: 9
Eyes: 10
Build: 10
Butt: 6
Clothes: 7.5
Mind
Personality: 10
Reception: 10
Libido: 10
Age: 9
Voice: 8.5
Total: 90 - Outstanding
Comments: Kaguya benefits from finishing the manga, which bolsters her libido for various reasons. Other categories also get upgrades, either for plot reasons or simply because I’ve grown even more into Kaguya reading the manga and find her more appealing, which my score ultimately reflects.
Body
Hair: 9.5
Eyes: 10
Build: 9.5
Butt: 8
Clothes: 8
Mind
Personality: 10
Reception: 10
Libido: 7.5
Age: 10
Voice: 10
Total: 94.5 - Outstanding
Comments: Yor is simply amazing, truly a nearly perfect girl for me. The extra ass focus (sort of) and personality introspection in her show’s newest season patch up what few issues she had, and make Yor the second best scored girl so far. Hell, when you consider Kuroyukihime would score slightly worse now due to her age, Yor could be the top one! She is THAT good.
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | Apr 9, 11:05 AM | 0 comments
March 31st, 2024
ZettaiBlog 466: The Raging Wave!
Anime Relations: Hakumei no Tsubasa
WARNING: BECAUSE OF REASONS I MUST TELL EVERYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET OUT OF MY BLOG! OBEY OR I’LL BE DEFENESTRATED! ALSO BE WARY OF WILD ROAMING SPOILERS! YOU’VE BEEN WARNED!
Welcome back. Last time I did an idol because I was nostalgic. Now following her we’ve gone to Britain! But we’ve gotten separated…
: This isn’t Britain. It’s Galar.
Aw, man, I have a worse sense of direction than Leon, the invincible champion of this region!
: Interesting. You heard of our Champion. Do you know me as well?
Of course, you are…
: I’m glad you heard of me! That means even on Paldea people know about our models.
Well, you’re really pretty, but usually Galarians are as beautiful as their food is good.
: What do you mean “potatoes and beans with everything” isn’t a cuisine?
Just be glad I did my balconing joke last blog. But enough expository banter, time to talk about you!
: Sure thing!
Body
Hair
Nessa has black hair. Mostly, since she has water blue (heh) strands instead. It works for her too. Similarly, her hairstyle is a French braid of sorts and bun with long hair and long sidebangs, which is also odd but again she makes it work somehow. Sadly she lacks front bangs (mostly), but otherwise Nessa has unexpectedly awesome hair.
Score: 9.5
Eyes
Nessa has blue eyes. Fits a Water type trainer but eh. I’ll say the shape is cool and she has makeup (won’t it cause trouble when she swims?), but blue eyes are still terribly overused.
Score: 6
Build
Nessa does well here. She lacks measurements, but is slender and somewhat tall, which is very nice. She also has dark skin which is really sexy. Add her exposure and you get a winning recipe.
Score: 10
Butt
Nessa shows ass in some art! Nothing too special (franchise for kids), but it helps. She has nice fanart as well, but she doesn’t reach Hilda’s memetic levels so it doesn’t count. A shame.
Score: 5
Clothes
Nessa does well again. Her usual outfit (and Water type gym outfit) is tight and sexy and shows off rather nicely for a franchise for kids. She has a palette swap in Masters, too. Said game also gave her a Santa girl outfit. She also has her Rare Card model outfit and a swimming outfit from Twilight Wings (boo pareo!) for extra variety. Overall she does pretty well for a Pokémon NPC, with good costumes and some variety.
Score: 8
Mind
Personality
Nessa is neat. She’s the Gym Leader of the Hulbury Gym in Galar (PokéBritan) and specializes on Water types, possibly influenced by her fisherman father and marketplace seller mother. She’s also a model, much like another Gym Leader I like from an Anglophone region (Elesa). She appears friendly and nice but has a powerful personality, not in a bad way, just she’s implied to get angry when she loses big. That’s good, people who take big loses way too well are strange. She’s also friends with Sonia and claims Milo to be her rival, but he doesn’t reciprocate. Her ace is Drednaw, though I like she uses Golisopod and Quagsire at some points. Overall Nessa is cool but could use more personality and focus. Then again that’s just the fate of most video game NPCs…
Score: 7.5
Reception
Nessa does well here. She’s one of the most popular girls in a popular game (boo outselling G/S though) and has decent appearances in other media. She wasn’t in the main anime though, but she would probably get censored or something so this may be a good thing, Still, she’s well-liked and has decent focus for a Gym Leader (as they were emphasized in her home game).
Score: 8
Libido
Nessa shows none. Not in a bad way, she just lacks a chance to show it (Franchise for kids). Her exposure helps though, as does people shipping her with some other characters (Mainly Sonia. Milo is a big guy and that’s not as cool).
Score: 6
Age
Nessa lacks a specific age. She’s probably in her early twenties or so which would score great, but maybe she’s only 18 or something. This score works.
Score: 9.5
Voice
Sora Amamiya is pretty cool. Hopefully Nessa goes commando like another water girl of hers.
Score: 7.5
Total: 77 - Excellent
: That looks like a good score!
It sure is! You’re one of my top Pokémon girls!
: Thanks for the compliment. Want to take a dive with me?
No, I sink like a rock. This is blog canon, you know.
: Aww… *suddenly a much, much worse British video game “girl” appears*
: Did anyone ask for some BRISKET?
Ew, it’s a trap. Topazblog is that way.
: No, I came to annoy YOU, Zettai,
Go away.
: Rude: Maybe I’ll have to use a hip attack and-
: You know, my name backwards is ASSen. There is a reason for that… I love ASSING! *asses, meaning hip attacks Bridget and sends HIM flying*
: Groooooooooooooss…! *twinkles in the sky*
Not gross at all! Nessa, that was sexy!
: Why thank you. I’ll use it on you next, but not as strong. Don’t want to send you flying.
Thanks, I’m not Team Rocket. Anyway, look forward to next blog!
Welcome back. Last time I did an idol because I was nostalgic. Now following her we’ve gone to Britain! But we’ve gotten separated…
: This isn’t Britain. It’s Galar.Aw, man, I have a worse sense of direction than Leon, the invincible champion of this region!
: Interesting. You heard of our Champion. Do you know me as well?Of course, you are…
: I’m glad you heard of me! That means even on Paldea people know about our models.Well, you’re really pretty, but usually Galarians are as beautiful as their food is good.
: What do you mean “potatoes and beans with everything” isn’t a cuisine?Just be glad I did my balconing joke last blog. But enough expository banter, time to talk about you!
: Sure thing!Body
Hair
Nessa has black hair. Mostly, since she has water blue (heh) strands instead. It works for her too. Similarly, her hairstyle is a French braid of sorts and bun with long hair and long sidebangs, which is also odd but again she makes it work somehow. Sadly she lacks front bangs (mostly), but otherwise Nessa has unexpectedly awesome hair.
Score: 9.5
Eyes
Nessa has blue eyes. Fits a Water type trainer but eh. I’ll say the shape is cool and she has makeup (won’t it cause trouble when she swims?), but blue eyes are still terribly overused.
Score: 6
Build
Nessa does well here. She lacks measurements, but is slender and somewhat tall, which is very nice. She also has dark skin which is really sexy. Add her exposure and you get a winning recipe.
Score: 10
Butt
Nessa shows ass in some art! Nothing too special (franchise for kids), but it helps. She has nice fanart as well, but she doesn’t reach Hilda’s memetic levels so it doesn’t count. A shame.
Score: 5
Clothes
Nessa does well again. Her usual outfit (and Water type gym outfit) is tight and sexy and shows off rather nicely for a franchise for kids. She has a palette swap in Masters, too. Said game also gave her a Santa girl outfit. She also has her Rare Card model outfit and a swimming outfit from Twilight Wings (boo pareo!) for extra variety. Overall she does pretty well for a Pokémon NPC, with good costumes and some variety.
Score: 8
Mind
Personality
Nessa is neat. She’s the Gym Leader of the Hulbury Gym in Galar (PokéBritan) and specializes on Water types, possibly influenced by her fisherman father and marketplace seller mother. She’s also a model, much like another Gym Leader I like from an Anglophone region (Elesa). She appears friendly and nice but has a powerful personality, not in a bad way, just she’s implied to get angry when she loses big. That’s good, people who take big loses way too well are strange. She’s also friends with Sonia and claims Milo to be her rival, but he doesn’t reciprocate. Her ace is Drednaw, though I like she uses Golisopod and Quagsire at some points. Overall Nessa is cool but could use more personality and focus. Then again that’s just the fate of most video game NPCs…
Score: 7.5
Reception
Nessa does well here. She’s one of the most popular girls in a popular game (boo outselling G/S though) and has decent appearances in other media. She wasn’t in the main anime though, but she would probably get censored or something so this may be a good thing, Still, she’s well-liked and has decent focus for a Gym Leader (as they were emphasized in her home game).
Score: 8
Libido
Nessa shows none. Not in a bad way, she just lacks a chance to show it (Franchise for kids). Her exposure helps though, as does people shipping her with some other characters (Mainly Sonia. Milo is a big guy and that’s not as cool).
Score: 6
Age
Nessa lacks a specific age. She’s probably in her early twenties or so which would score great, but maybe she’s only 18 or something. This score works.
Score: 9.5
Voice
Sora Amamiya is pretty cool. Hopefully Nessa goes commando like another water girl of hers.
Score: 7.5
Total: 77 - Excellent
: That looks like a good score!It sure is! You’re one of my top Pokémon girls!
: Thanks for the compliment. Want to take a dive with me?No, I sink like a rock. This is blog canon, you know.
: Aww… *suddenly a much, much worse British video game “girl” appears*: Did anyone ask for some BRISKET?Ew, it’s a trap. Topazblog is that way.
: No, I came to annoy YOU, Zettai,Go away.
: Rude: Maybe I’ll have to use a hip attack and-: You know, my name backwards is ASSen. There is a reason for that… I love ASSING! *asses, meaning hip attacks Bridget and sends HIM flying*: Groooooooooooooss…! *twinkles in the sky*Not gross at all! Nessa, that was sexy!
: Why thank you. I’ll use it on you next, but not as strong. Don’t want to send you flying.Thanks, I’m not Team Rocket. Anyway, look forward to next blog!
Posted by ZettaiRyouiki | Mar 31, 8:33 PM | 0 comments