Dont know if there is a thread here for poetry

Oct 15, 2011 1:39 AM

Oxicoton

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Dec 2008

OxicotonOct 19, 2011 7:52 AM

Oct 15, 2011 1:50 AM

removed-user

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Jul 2018

564612

Dat formating

Oct 15, 2011 2:22 AM

Oxicoton

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Dec 2008

funny. i bare my soul and you joke about formatting.

Oct 15, 2011 3:16 AM

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Jul 2018

564612

Well son, poetry isn't just about baring one's soul on paper. It is not an excuse to just unload your emotions onto a page in the way a disgruntled refuse collector might throw rubbish on the driveway of someone who failed to tip at Christmas time. Poetry is an art; poems are supposed to be as aesthetically pleasurable as well as reflective or emotional.

As is, your poem reads like prose rather than poetry; this makes it very difficult to follow as a poem as it disguises meter and rhyme completely. Now, perhaps you intended it to be as it is, and want to give 'free verse' a go.

You can do that if you like, but it's worth keeping in mind that when you are doing something without any rules or guidelines to follow -complete artistic freedom- it's easy to become overwhelmed. When the possibilities are endless, making the right choices isn't easy. It requires a considerable talent in order to write free verse that doesn't sound like an incomprehensible mess. You should then ask yourself, do you have that level of talent?

I wouldn't know. I am not really a poetry expert. I like poems that make me laugh or that make me think, regardless of whether or not they would be considered 'well written' from an expert's perspective. But I am sure that writing in a more traditional style would make your work much more accessible, and would be a better way to hone your skills. Even if you have talent, it takes practice to harness that talent.

If you weren't writing free-verse... Then I shouldn't have to explain why formatting is important.

Oct 15, 2011 4:15 AM

Oxicoton

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Dec 2008

The point was to have no structure. The lack of structure represents my nothingness.

Oct 15, 2011 6:58 AM

removed-user

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564612

The lack of structure represents nothingness?

A plastic bag blowing in the wind has no "structure" to it but it is still something that exists; defying structure in your poem as a representation of nothingness fails as a metaphor because even if there is no organisation behind it or it is without purpose, it is still existant.

It also brings up a multitude of contradictions in your piece. First and foremost, if you feel 'nothingness' -the absence of any emotion- then how can you also feel 'hurt' by the failed relationship you described in the poem?

If you feel 'nothingness' how were you even able to put your feelings into words?

Furthermore, has it occured to you that while your poem does not have a poetic structure, it still abides by grammar rules; which are in fact a form of structure?

My advice to you would be to avoid trying to bullshit your way out of constructive criticism; because if someone is knowledgeable enough to suggest how you can improve, they will probably be able to tell whether or not you're talking out of your ass.

Good day.

Oct 15, 2011 8:11 AM

Deceptikolz

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Aug 2009

770

BIGWALLOFTEXT.
It discourages readers if the format is informal.

DeceptikolzOct 15, 2011 8:15 AM

Oct 19, 2011 7:52 AM

Oxicoton

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Dec 2008

You guys are right, it was a childish catharsis for my emotions. I wanted to get some stuff out. But it's not even how I really feel, when people are sad they try to mask that sadness with anger, hate. It's not even true, because it was my fault all along. I got so many chances and fucked up every time, and I didn't change at all. There's no way poetry written like that can be good.

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Dont know if there is a thread here for poetry

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