Untitled (light)novel and idea for it. (First Part out).

Oct 18, 2013 6:22 AM

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First Part: http://www.scribd.com/doc/178538081/Akio-Kuro

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Okay, I had a pretty hard time of coming up with a topic title for this thread, but that will do for now.

I have this idea for a story that I have started to develop/write on. It's probably going to be a pretty short description since the story mostly is going to be about the main character. I have also thought of naming the story to the main character's name "Akio Kuro". ("Akio" means: Bright Man; Manly, Hero and "Kuro" means as most of you know "black").

The story is mainly going to focus on the story and Akio as a character.
I've always loved stories where the character has a special kind of eyes. So I thought to myself that I wanted to create a story about a main character with special eyes. "Akio's" eyes are going to have a lot of "functions". Or maybe I should say they are going to be able to change to his will, as well as patterns will be displayable in his eyes. (I will draw these pattern when I have the time for it, so one can visualize it better).

I have started on the story and have written about 7 pages already. These are the eyes he will begin with:

"Nullification Eyes" - These eyes will be able to nullify magic, either before the target(s) shoot (resulting in inability to cast magic) and/or to break a spell already casted. To make it a little more "fair", I have decided that Akio cannot cast any magic too while the "Nullification Eyes" are active. In short: it nullifies both his and the target(s) magic.

"Future Eyes" - These eyes will be able to see into a short period of the future (like 1 minute or less). But he can only see the future for what he has his eyes upon and not everything around him.

"Slo-mo Eyes" - Just what it sound like. Eyes that can see in slow motion. I decided also that when these eyes are active, he will be able to move faster. This is because "time" itself doesn't slow down.

360-degree Eyes" - Exactly what they sound like. With these eyes he will be able to see at all directions in the same time.

"Far-sight Eyes" - Also what they sound like. With these he will be able to see far away.

These are the eyes he will start out with. As the story will progress he will get new eyes, with other functions. And then there's something I'd like to keep hidden about the eyes for now.

I already have pretty much a story for what direction it will go in my head. But I will not share the what I've written until I have at least introduced the main female character.

That's about it. Comments are very welcome, as well as feedback. Thank you.

removed-userOct 23, 2013 3:38 PM

Oct 18, 2013 7:50 AM

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kuuurt said:
His eyes sound a little OP, to be honest. What will be the main antagonist's powers? I assume it'll be more OP than the MC's? (wait, would that be even possible without making the story crappy?) Why not just give the MC only one function rather than having many?

He will have to change his eyes if he want a certain function. For example if he already are using slo-mo, but change to nullification, the slo-mo will wear off.

Of course there will be enemies with the same level of strength throughout the story. I'm not gonna make him "god-like", where he is the only one with extreme powers. It's a world where magic do exist too. There will however only be a small portion of people that have the same level of strength as "Akio". But the "eye"-thing is going to be exclusive to "Akio".
I don't wanna reduce to just one eye-function. The whole idea is that during the story, he will gain all the eyes. I don't wanna explain too much of it, though.

I don't wanna give out to much information yet, but as said, I do already have 7 pages written. Right now I'm trying to correct all errors in the text so far (grammar errors, comma-errors, etc).

But I do have in mind that he cannot be the absolute strongest. That would just be too unfair.

Thank you for your input however. Really appreciate it. :)

Oct 18, 2013 8:37 PM

Fui

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I posted a few ideas for eyes but deleted it since but you've probably already thought of everything I wrote. I think it comes down to how you write it...mite b cool. Good luck.

FuiOct 18, 2013 8:40 PM

Oct 19, 2013 3:26 AM

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Fui said:
I posted a few ideas for eyes but deleted it since but you've probably already thought of everything I wrote. I think it comes down to how you write it...mite b cool. Good luck.

Yeah. I have made 2 mind maps - one containing more eye-functions and one with story, plot, character-names, etc.

I am however starting to think that maybe I should write a lot more before posting. This is because it's going to be a while before I get into the "real" story (pass the beginning). But I will probably post some of the story(/the beginning of it) soon.
But there is a lot of work to be done what I've already written. I have to fill out some gaps, etc.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, though. I hope I won't disappoint. :)

Edit; Spell error.

removed-userOct 19, 2013 4:07 AM

Oct 19, 2013 7:49 PM

Aloxamax

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Slow motion eyes - does it affect all of his senses? Because if it's just sight then it would be very difficult (maybe even impossible) for him to react and/or fight properly. His eyes would be out of sync with his ears, nose and body.

It would be like putting a VR headset on: you would suddently see a whole new world, but you can still hear sounds coming from around you in the real world, it's disorienting because your brain tries to link what it sees and what it hears but can't.

I also think the 'Far-sight' and 'Slow-mo' functions should merge, because the slow-motion function can be somewhat explained by saying that his eyes can see everything in incredible detail and his brain can analyse the images at a much faster pace, that would be the equivalent to slow-motion.

All slow-motion allows you to see are events in greater detail because it's slowed down and you have the time to carefully observe it. If your eyes can see every detail and your brain can process all the info faster it amounts to the same thing.

And the 'Far-sight' should be self-explanatory, it's being able to see things in a more detailed fashion, hence the relation between the two.

AloxamaxOct 19, 2013 7:55 PM

"Rejoice! We are humans— we are the most talented people! Precisely because we were born without any ability— we can achieve anything— this is the will of the weakest race!" – Sora, ‘No game No life Vol.01’

Oct 20, 2013 2:08 AM

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Aloxamax said:
Slow motion eyes - does it affect all of his senses? Because if it's just sight then it would be very difficult (maybe even impossible) for him to react and/or fight properly. His eyes would be out of sync with his ears, nose and body.

It would be like putting a VR headset on: you would suddently see a whole new world, but you can still hear sounds coming from around you in the real world, it's disorienting because your brain tries to link what it sees and what it hears but can't.

I also think the 'Far-sight' and 'Slow-mo' functions should merge, because the slow-motion function can be somewhat explained by saying that his eyes can see everything in incredible detail and his brain can analyse the images at a much faster pace, that would be the equivalent to slow-motion.

All slow-motion allows you to see are events in greater detail because it's slowed down and you have the time to carefully observe it. If your eyes can see every detail and your brain can process all the info faster it amounts to the same thing.

And the 'Far-sight' should be self-explanatory, it's being able to see things in a more detailed fashion, hence the relation between the two.

I explained the solution of this problem: he will move faster when slow motion eyes are active, because it's not "time" itself that slows down.

I hate when I restrict myself when I feel like I can't give out too much information. But I'm a pretty logically guy, so if I find something that doesn't make sense, I usually work out solution. I don't want to say more than that.

Thank you so much for your input though. Very helpful. :)

Oct 20, 2013 10:17 PM

5layer

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Can the future eyes see what 360 eyes will see in the future? That way he will see everything around him which kinda breaks what you said about the future eyes.

Oct 21, 2013 6:38 AM

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5layer said:
Can the future eyes see what 360 eyes will see in the future? That way he will see everything around him which kinda breaks what you said about the future eyes.

No. As said: if he switches, it will wear off.
He can only look into the future of what he sees (or has his eyes upon).
Example:
If he were to use "future eyes" and started by looking forward, he would see what will happen in the future for what he sees in front of him.
But if he would turn around, he will continue to see the future, but only from what he then sees as he has turned around. (Everything in his point of view, in other words). He cannot tell the future of something he didn't see.

Feels hard to explain, but I hope you'll get the point of what I mean.
But also was thinking of reducing the time he can look in to the future to like 10 seconds or less. That way it won't get too OP.

Thank you for posting though. :)

Oct 23, 2013 3:37 PM

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I have now uploaded the first part of it here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/178538081/Akio-Kuro

There's not a lot of development yet, in the story. In short: it's just the beginning.
Hope you'll like it though.

Updating the first post too.

Edit: I've noticed a few spelling errors and missing words. I hope you can ignore it for now. :)

removed-userOct 24, 2013 3:49 AM

Oct 28, 2013 1:11 PM

#10

Pknoctis

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I think Kuro is a pretty terrible last name. Maybe you should put more thought into it.

I read the first page, and I think you should get a stronger grasp of which POV you're writing from.

Skimming the rest, you go too quickly into how OP Akio is. It's kinda boring.

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