One of my stories

Jun 4, 2011 2:15 AM

Offline

Jun 2011

What I offer is mainly ideas, though I also write a lot of stories for each one(you could say that i never really do a story until I have a good idea or concept, so about 75% of my ideas have stories, the rest are just concepts), a lot of my ideas are kinda just left alone. I don't have the time to really work on each.

So anyway, I'd like to let you know about this idea, before telling the story,(since the story is incomplete and has loop holes).

The main idea is about a group of assassins who carry out secret missions for a king. Their purpose is to do what the king can't in front of his people. (Ex. getting rid of certain enemies or even his own people to protect his kindom, he lets his assassins do all the(dirty) work, and he gets to keep his image thus ensuring he doesn't lose his position) Anyway, these assassins are trained by some monk who has discovered a deadly ancient art of (insert cool name for a dark art) . . . . . Obviously I haven't looked to much into this but anyway

This art grants you dark abilities in return for your soul. The more of your soul you give up, the more abilities you unlock and more powerful they become. *you dont have to read this --> (The art trains you to release your soul, when part of your soul is released, it is filled with negative energy or chi, which then can be used to preform the dark art, the this is actually an art to control your soul, but ultimately gives you these abilities. *ex. for abilities (Shadow Stars- basically throwing knifes or kunai that consist only of dark energy, which can be summoned at anytime in sacrifice for your energy. The advantage of this is that you basically have unlimited amount, this tech uses very little energy and is among the very first tech learned)

So the assassins learn to use basic dark techniques and carry out simple missions. The stronger assassins (who by the way have given up a big portion of their soul) take care of the most important missions. Little do they know that the soul has a limit. The more soul they give up, the more they lose themselfs, literally. As soon as 80% of the soul has been lost, it creates a doorway for demons. 80% means you now have to deal with a demon. Of course no one reaches this point,(until the main character and sometime in the middle of the story) either they die, or they simply wont go that far due to fear. 100% means giving up control, your demon takes over, and will do as it pleases. You are dead at this point. (I just realized, this sounds like Claymore -____-)

Please criticize mainly on if its original, or generic, or too similar to other anime/manga.

I'll see if the story is even worth mentioning, and don't worry about being harsh, I'm willing to listen and there is no problem in throwing this idea away. I'm not just saying that either.

One more thing, if you have a request for a concept or story, ask. I like to test myself, I have a lot of experience doing this,(this one is old, but one of my favorite) I hope I can be of help,

If anyone needs a visiual of this, just think, Dark Assassins creed, think dark powers, is basically what it looks like.

Jun 10, 2011 4:22 PM

YukiTsubaki

Offline

Jan 2011

786

Here's what I think. ^_^

Don't worry about the story being similar to other anime, because there are many anime/manga that have a lot in common with each other. But!

Based on what you have so far, it sounds pretty original to me. There are parts that seem "similar" but as I sad above, you're bound to find plenty of stories etc. with the same plot.

What matters is how you carry it out. The individuality in your characters, the style, tone, plot etc. Well, all in all, an interesting concept. :)

✿ writings ✿ tumblr ✿ books ✿ profile picture by ME ✿

Jun 12, 2011 10:06 AM

UltimaniumX

Offline

Nov 2010

It's an interesting plot, but let me critique it a bit.

If you can basically reach 100% of losing your soul, why would anyone want to do it in the first place? Unless of course there's belief that you would NOT lose your soul despite what the general consensus is. What I'm getting is if you have the ability to control how much of your soul you want to give up, why not just stay at 80% forever? Maybe provide some reasons behind why someone would want 100% demon/soul control? Even if it's obvious reasons, such as power-hungry or wanting to become a "deity/god/demon" with no limits.

While it's not the same as Puella Magi Madoka Magica, there are some similarities. I don't know if you've seen it yet, but I'll add a:

just in case.

I like the idea of Ninjas, Assassins, etc. I have always liked that Genre, and this would be a pretty interesting story. You could even have a "SUDDEN PLOT TURN" and have reveal that the King has been secretly delving into dark arts himself, and believes that the path to becoming a God is 100% selling your soul.

Jun 13, 2011 6:29 PM

SirothTakanashi

Offline

Jun 2011

Hey thank you guys for the response. It means a great deal to me.
To answer your question, this discovery of soul sacrificing is relatively new, no one has reached 100%.(even the person who created this art) When you reach that point(100% souless) you die and your replaced by, well no one, just dark entity in the form of you, a demon. Reaching 100% isn't easy at all, Imagine accomplishing or reaching the rank of a seventh degree karate blackbelt. Or obtaining a red belt in Brizilian JiuJutsu. It takes a while basically.

And incase Camellia looks at this, thanks for your response, and if there is one thing that I capitalize on its, presentation and personality. With those two, you can bascially have any plot and style and pull off something very popular. I know from experiance that its very important.

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One of my stories

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