 im not done with this one yet thats why i put up this sign... CHAPTER ONE : Our First Date I have never told you this story before but now its is time. I was sitting with my sister,Du Lili,she was on an online dating service and she said she has found he perfect guy for me.Tall,dark,emo,cute.All I ever wanted in a guy.So she set me up with a date with him. I didn't even knew his name.Du Lili asked me,"Where do you guys want to meet?". I answered "The Red Tango Club" "ok". When we meet,it as like love at first sight.He was just as I expected,but when we met...he was prepped up and I was in my t-shirt and jeans."You look cute.I like you...a lot.Whats your name? oh I'm Fran by the way.Nice to meet you" he said."Oh...hi,I'm Bel...umm nice to meet you to" He took me to his limo and said "Were going somewhere...where we could be alone for a while...so for now can you put this on? only for half an hour then you way open it.Ok,Bel-chan?" I just nodded"We havent even been togheter for a while and hes already calling me chan...I'm starting to like Fran..." I thought.He gave me a drink.He said it'll make me relax for a while. When we got there my blind fold was still on.When I opened it,I fainted a bit but Fran caught me."Are you alright,Bel-chan?" "I am now Fran-kun...its just that..." Fran got closer to me and started to stroke my hair gently."yes...What is it sexy Bel-chan?" "N-n-nothing Fran-kun...nothing..." "Oh...ok then...And please dont call me kun...call me senpai ok, Bel-chan?" I just nodded. He carried me to his room and laid me on his bed."Aishiteru,Bel-chan...You know I will never leave you" he whispered."I know Fran-senpai...I know" He slept beside me and rubbed my arm and played with my hair a little,just until I fell a sleep. When I woke up he was gone before I realized I was only wearing my t-shirt and panty.There was a note beside me and it said "To my sexy Bel-chan...Your closet is the biggest one...You may chose any dress your heart desires....From Fran" So I picked out a short sexy black dress and ran downstairs to see if Fran was down there. I thought I was dreaming when I saw Fran in an pink apron.I cant help but laugh."Whats so funny Bel-chan?Is it the apron?It is right?Yup I knew it...GRRRR" He turned on some music and took me dancing."You look cute Bel-chan...Very cute...O-ho look your blushing,now you look even cuter" I want to just run but he pulled me closer to him.His hand was running up and down my spine.He was giving me shivers. I just blushed and tried to hide my face from seeing his.I was hugging him.He was hugging me."hmm? whats wrong Bel-chan?" I looked up and said "nothing is wrong Fran-senpai...Nothing..." so we just danced the whole morning. I was swimming when Fran jumped into the pool with me and was swimming towards me."Bel-chan? is there anything wrong?" "Ho...umm nothing Fran-senpai..." "I know when something is wrong Bel-chan...You trust me right?" he asked me."I do...Fran-senpai..." I hugged him while I was crying"Why are you crying baby?" "I...I....Cant be with you any more""And why is that,my sexy babe?" "Because I'm forced to go to-to-to...To England to continue my college...and if that happens..." he cut me and put his hands on my shoulders and said "I will go with you to England...I dont want to lose you...sweet Bel-chan...Besides...I have connections there..." The next day,we were about to leave and the limo was in front of his house and Fran said "It will be our escape from your parents eh Bel-chan?" "what do you mean 'my' parents,Fran-senpai?" He just looked at me,I blushed,he stroked my hair,I blushed even harder,And eventually we kissed.I tried to pull back but he didn't let go."Like I said,I will not lose you sexy babe" So the chauffeur drove us to the airport and Fran dragged me to first class which he bought for us to be alone."Oh god" "Ng? What is it Sexy Baby Bel?" I just looked at his face and he gave me a ring."This is for you Bel-chan...Rub the diamond if you get in trouble,ok?" I nodded and it just started to rain out of no where he covered me with his coat,"You look sexy in the rain when your all wet..."I blushed. We werde already hallfway to England and I was asleep beside me.He was hugging me the entire time while I was sleeping...Even when I was awake he was hugging me."Fran...Were almost there..."He looked at me and asked "Where is your college anyway?" "Stratford Upon-Avon...with a friend of mine...But I dont want to leave you..." "I did not want to be alone either that is why I came" I hugged him for the rest of the half hour and he just kept pulling me closer and closer to his chest."ugh you...are...suffocating me...Fran-senpai..." He said nothing.I tried to slip away from him but he wont let go of me.I woke him up when I said "AISHITERU FRAN-SENPAI!!!!!" I have no idea why that woke him up but I'm glad it did. "REALLY??? DO YOU MEAN IT?" I.of course,just nodded,that's my way of getting out of stuff like this."YATA!YATA! I'm going to show you around Stratford since your from Japan and I'm a mix! O-ho were this is going to be great!!!!!!" "What the hell is Fran thinking? ugh he must have gone crazy over me when we first met in the club,I'm sure..." By the time we got to my apartment,yes I have an apartment in Stratford,He was thinking what to do next here."Man,does he even know why I'm here in the first place?" I thought."OO!!!!Where to first Bel-chan? oo!!!!! I know!!!!!!lets see the colleges first then we can have some fun!!!!" "Uhum....uh...Fran-senpai....I haven't even unpacked yet,how can we see it?" He just looked at me with passion.And he stroked my hair and said "I'l help you sexy" "mm..Senpai..." I said in a monotone voice.I really got to hand it to him,or he will suffocate me again(this is where the 'death by hugging comes along). "Fran-senpai...When I said aishiteru to you-" He stopped me before I could even say it was a lie. "shhh Bel-chan...I know you meant it 'cuz you were screaming it out loud...I know you love me cuz I love you to Bel-chan...now...let me handle those bags of yours." He aid and kissed me after. We went looking for colleges until I bumped in to a high school friend."VOOOOIIIII!!! Ryuzaki-kun!!!!how long has it been since we haven't seen each other?" I said to Ryuzaki."OO! Bel-chan!! It has been a while hasn't it? I'm fine btw and who is this?" I looked at them both."Oh...he's Fran...My boyfriend...oh! Fran this is Ryuzaki,we were in the same classes in high school,and Ryuzaki this is Fran, my boyfriend that Du Lili found for me...She is so sweet and I never got the chance to thank her" Fran took us to a cafe where they got to know each other better. "mm! its getting late...Sorry Ryuzaki-kun,I have to leave early go on a college road trip with Fran.Can we get together some other time? Or are you busy?"He did nothing but gave md his cell number and pautted my shoulder.When Fran finaly dragged me back to my apartment,I wanted to nothing but sleep.I was so tired a tear was in my eye. He looked down at me and said"Why are you crying Bel-chan?" I said nothing and layed myself on the bed.Fran layed himself beside me."You are as cute as the day we first met...Bel-chan" I blushed so hard I felt like I was burning up. I was still sleeping when I thought I heard Fran in the shower.When he got out of there I was gone.I did not blame him for taking two hous for a shower.I left a note for him so he knew where I was.I was out with my old buds, Belphegor,Ryuzaki,Lambo,Morri,and Kazuki.We were having a great time cuz then we were just BB's messin around and having fun.We were always the worst in our class and I would always say "All izz well" But...Nothing between all of us were fine. I heard a shooting sound near my room.I knew it was Fran. "Fran..Why are you target practising? " "I have to keep you away from them. I dont want to lose you" "Why are you always doing this to me?Why are you always afraid of loosing me? Why are-" He stopped me "I just dont want you to be taken away from me,darling...After all we are engaged,right?" "SINCE WHEN HAVE WE EVER BEEN ENGAGED?!" "Since we first met...You cut yourself and I also cut myself and we touched and there...That is...I want to know more about him but he wont tell me anything even about the 666 ring he has |
Ichimaru-senpaiFeb 25, 2010 3:40 AM
Welcome to my happy world now get your shit and leave |
| Okay interesting concept but ... it could use some work in my opinion. Biggest problem with it right now, your grammar and everything is fine, at least what I saw so props goes to you on that, but you have got to divide the paragraphs. I know it's annoying but every time a new person talks, you've got to start a new line, otherwise it gets confusing really fast. Also, last paragraph first line, 'practising' should be 'practicing'. I know it looks weird but that's what it is. Also one paragraph above that 'Nothing between all of us were fine', nothing acts as a singular noun here so it should read 'Nothing between all of us was fine.' Simple mistake we all suffer from them, easily corrected. Good story though, might want to update a tad more frequently ... not like I can really talk ... but keep me posted. |
 |
| I think this is a very interessting story, I especially like the ending. But the spelling isn't always correct and I find the story sometimes a bit vague. This can just be me, english isn't my first language :) But I thought I'd point it out anyway, it's not to be mean or anything. Example: He said he would take me somewhere when we got there I mean things like that, it isn't specified where they go, things like that. But I'd love to read how this story continues. |
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