| Technically, yes, but not better enough. I'm looking for a solid length backstory, for one. Also, one thing I forgot to mention, describe your character's personality as well. |
| Keep working on it, especially the backstory. Personality also seems off. You can't really love everyone and be willing to hurt people, that just doesn't make sense. You can love a certain group and be willing to hurt others, but if you love everyone you're not going to really hurt people. Basically be more descriptive, is what I'm saying. |
| Still needs work. |
| Everything. |
| It just... isn't up to snuff. Can someone help me out here? I can't explain it very well. |
| Mutant Name: Destiny Age: 17 Powers: Can change the weather whenever she thinks about it, which isnt always a good thing as its hard to constantly control your thoughts. Description: Destiny was born and raised by humans until one say she stumbled onto her gift and ran away from home, embaressed by being different. She was always a popular girl, focusing on looks rather than education. She isn't the brightest kid, and says really stupid things at times. Appearance: |
 |
AbstractCalamity said: It just... isn't up to snuff. Can someone help me out here? I can't explain it very well. Muntant Name: Daniel Age: 14 Powers: Transforms into a werewolf and has incredible speed. Personality: loving, caring and kind to mutants.Humans get Daniel frusterated quite easily and is likely to attack. Daniel has a determination and love for all animals he will protect them over human beings and even mutants. As a young teenager Daniel is still learning how to fully control his powers and he is at a dangerous stage. He tends to run away from a battle. description: Daniel wears T shirts, hoodies and shorts. my back story: He found his power when he was 9. When Daniel showedhis parents they freaked out so he ran far away. later i learned there were more like me so i went on looking for people like me i was walking and a dude in a nice suit told me to stop i ran to a ally he followed me there. i asked him what he wanted he told me to come with him. Daniel destroyed the man who happened to be an agent, Daniel moves around, his home is the bush and everything it contains. ^I tried to edit a bit for an example? not too good sorry ^_^ |
|
| I got rid of the teleportaton from zero so that it sounds better :) |
   |
| NikeetaSama: Accepted! Tsunderechan: Accepted! |
| Fix the grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes and mixed tenses. That also technically isn't your work, and I wonder if you'll be able to RP at the level I'm aiming for. Give me a writing sample with your corrections, I want to see how you write. Make it good and detailed. Your writing sample can be anything, but if you're not feeling creative, I'll suggest a sudden unexpected encounter with an agent in the streets. |
| Look around, read some posts. That level. |
| Mutant Name: Zero Morisane Age: 28 Powers: Right arm is super strong and can extend up to 25 feet away (if that's too far, let me know.) It also drains the life of whatever it touches. External mutations (if any): His right arm changes into a 'mass of pure hatred' Personality: Aggressive but not really the type to be pure evil. Biography: Born into a simple life, Zero thought the MSRA to be heroes and mutants to be evil....until his own mutation manifested itself by tearing his right arm into shreds. From then he was hated by everyone he once loved and his right arm responding by devouring their life force and giving it to him. He went a bit crazy for a short time but was brought into the light by a girl who reached out to him. However, eventually his arm ate her as well. He almost turned himself in for those atrocities, when he realized that his 'heroes' were the real villains. Since then he vowed to use his power to destroy the MSRA and their supporters, therefore liberating mutantkind. Appearance: ================================================== Mutant Name: Miyuki Miyazaki Age: 17 Powers: Perfect voice masking of anyone she hears at least once, hyper-sonic screech, voice can lull people to sleep or convince them of anything (cannot fool machines in this manner). External mutations (if any): None Personality: Fun-loving, likes shiny objects, deceptive, sly, and clever. Biography: Miyuki was born in a quiet, unassuming town with quiet, unassuming people. Her powers manifested at the tender age of 5 but the other kids thought she was cool. Even after the MSRA was founded and mutants were branded as 'nothing more than a parasite' her friends never betrayed her. They paid for that one day with their very lives. The MSRA found out that a mutant was being hidden in that town, but no one talked and they were slaughtered. A few of her friends ran with her to help her escape, but they too were picked off. One....by...one. Eventually, Miyuki was the only one left alive. Cornered, angry, and grieving for her lost friends and family she screamed at the top of her lungs at them, this scream was powerful enough to shatter some of their bones on impact and send them flying. They were all dead before she stopped. To this day, she's still afraid of herself and what she's capable of; she even goes as far as to hide amongst the normal people and has a normal job with a normal life. Appearance: |
TamoballSep 6, 2010 10:19 PM
 |
| I dunno if I have the authority to do so, but I guess both of Zero's characters approved. o_O |
| XD Not really, Yummy, no. Though it might be a good idea to nominate someone to do that in my absence. But in fact, they are both approved. Not sure it'll do much good, though. This is one dead/dying club. I'm all for breathing some life into it, though. I'm thinking a reboot my be in order, in which case you (and everyone else) will have to resubmit your characters. Odds are I'll approve everyone anyway, but I want to do it properly anyway. Do not post any more characters in this thread. |
AbstractCalamitySep 20, 2010 1:02 PM
More topics from this board
Sticky: » Characters ( 1 2 )AbstractCalamity - Sep 14, 2010 |
50 |
by -Forgotten-
»»
Nov 3, 2010 1:55 AM |
|
» Murphy's BarAbstractCalamity - Sep 24, 2010 |
23 |
by D-V
»»
Oct 28, 2010 5:34 AM |
|
» MSRA Brightvale Division HeadquartersAbstractCalamity - Sep 14, 2010 |
10 |
by Stilty
»»
Oct 11, 2010 9:27 PM |
|
» Arura RaveBeowulf- - Oct 3, 2010 |
0 |
by Beowulf-
»»
Oct 3, 2010 2:30 PM |
|
» Daybreak ApartmentsBeowulf- - Oct 3, 2010 |
0 |
by Beowulf-
»»
Oct 3, 2010 2:17 PM |