| Hello all! I'm rather new, both to the club and to writing stories, but I'm not that new to the monster girl encyclopaedia. My personal favourite was always the cursed sword but I haven't seen as many stories about them when compared to other monster girls... So I'm here to try to change that! Like I said I'm new to writing stories so any feedback is welcome! So without further ado here's my first chapter! I hope you like it! Chapter 1: Mixed signals. It all started when I arrived back home from a night of sparring at my HEMA club. I was in exceptional form that night, I could definitely say I walked away from every match on top. My foot work was exact, my hand work was fluid, my strikes were sharp, my parries were deftly executed, and my reflexes were almost always on point. Needless to say I was feeling good about myself. As soon as I got through the door I gleefully took out my sparring longsword that I had used that night. Wanting to give it a good file and clean before I went to bed in triumph. I gathered everything I would need and sat down in a relaxing position in front of the T.V. A rough file for smoothing out the nicks and chips along the blade and cross guard, a sanding foam block for grinding off the dirt and rust that had gathered since I last cleaned it, and finally, a cloth rag with oil to wipe it all down with. I had done this so many times I could probably do it all blindfolded if I really wanted to... I always had an interest in swordplay and medieval combat from a very young age. I adored watching melee fight scenes in movies and T.V. shows. I loved playing medieval fantasy games where I could be a noble knight or a wondering swordsman. And I also secretly spent perhaps a bit too much time imagining epic battles between two fierce warriors from the stories I read. So it was no surprise that as soon as I found out about HEMA, I couldn't be happier. Well... Scratch that, I actually could be happier. More specifically when I was in a sparring match. Every time I was in a one on one duel with someone I always found myself wearing this uncontrollable smile on my face, I just couldn't help myself. The sheer amount of excitement and fun I had while in a sparring match demanded that a have a wide grin on my face to show it. Even if I was sometimes told by my sparring partners that my smile was somewhat unnerving to look at... As I finished polishing my most prized possession, I sat back to marvel at my work. All along the blade it shined almost as if it was brand new. In fact... It looked like it was shiner now than even when it WAS band new. I knew I was thorough, but not that thorough. It never looked this shiny after I cleaned it... That's when I took a closer look at it, soon after I realised that the light it was reflecting wasn't the light from the T.V. Nor was it reflecting the light from the bulb on the ceiling. No... This was something different all together. As the light shone more brightly it became obvious where it was coming from. I looked up only to see a little ball of clear white light, simply hovering above my head. I stood up to take a closer look, completely bewildered. I went to touch it, but before I could, I saw another ball of light suddenly manifest itself in front of me. Then another at the side of me, then another, this time behind me. "What the..." I muttered as they continued to grow in number. Soon I was completely surrounded by them, the amount of light they were giving off grew too much for me to bear. I covered my eyes, but I could tell that they were still multiplying as the light grew ever stronger, despite my best efforts to shield it from my sight. "Whaa!" I shouted as I suddenly, for lack of a better expression, fell skywards. As if gravity itself simply switched from keeping me down to sending me up. I lost consciousness almost immediately afterwords. ----------------------------------- I awoke to the sound of light rain tapping the leaves of trees I was now surrounded by. With a somewhat sore body I sluggishly got up onto my knees to take a look around. I had no memory of anything that happened after I got sucked into that giant ball of lights. I didn't know what happened, how it happened, or why it happened. In fact, just about the only thing I DID know was I wasn't home anymore. Spending so much time looking at the completely new and unfamiliar forest I was now in made me miss something quite obvious and important. As I steadied one foot to stand and placed one hand on the ground to anchor myself, I felt the all too familiar touch of the most favoured possession of mine. One look to confirm it was all it took. "Yes!!" I yelled in relief. Jumping up perhaps a tad quicker than I should have all things considered. "At least I still have you!" I exclaimed as I gave my sword a rather embarrassingly affectionate hug, taking a moment to clean it of mud and dirt with my own clothes soon afterwards. I didn't spend half an hour cleaning it to simply let it get all muddy. Besides, I valued my sword WAY more than my already sweaty and slightly dirty work out clothes. "Right, with you at my side I feel a lot better! Now let's see if I can figure out where the hell I am..." I thought out loud. Holding my sword in my left hand at the base of the blade next to my hip, I walked down the first somewhat clear path I could see. However, after hearing the nearby and rather loud clap of thunder I looked up to see huge and dark storm clouds gathering in the sky... I very quickly realised that wandering aimlessly wasn't the best of ideas right now. I needed to get inside somewhere... Anywhere. More specifically I needed to get out of this impending storm. But I could hardly see anything from the ground, all I could see was more trees that made up the forest. That's when I came up with an idea that was both brilliant and terrible at the same time... If I climbed a tall enough tree I could get a much better view of the land. Maybe even get a clue to figuring out where the hell I ended up. Yes... I did know the dangers of going to a high place near a lightning cloud, however I figured it might be worth the risk to get my bearings. At the very least it may give me a chance to spot suitable shelter before this storm had the chance to really let loose. It was either that or blindly walk through an unknown and unfamiliar forest while being at the complete and utter mercy of a thunder storm... As I stood there debating myself on my choices, and weighing the pros and cons of both, another lightning strike snapped me out of my mental struggle and essentially made the choice for me. "Screw it, I'm not walking around in this storm for god knows how long." I announced. I quickly searched for a tall nearby tree I could scale to get a better view. Once I found one I was confident I could climb, I delicately placed my sword against the trunk of the tree and began to ascend. Once I got to the top and after a bit of searching I spied some sort of stone structure in the distance. Almost completely passing it over because it blended in so well with the rest of the forest. Old moss covered stone walls with vines and trees growing up and out of them gave it an almost perfect camouflage. Good enough. I thought. With a clear destination set, I began my climb back down, careful to remember which way it was. As soon as my feet touched the ground I picked up my sword and ran to reach my salvation sooner rather than later. It looked like I had arrived right in the nick of time as the storm was really letting loose now. The ground drummed with the sound of rain bombarding its surface. Only being drowned out by the sudden flash of lightning that was followed by a deafening boom of thunder. I had little opportunity to look at the rocky moss covered structure in closer detail as I instead wisely opted to find a way in rather quickly. However even with only a passing glance it was obvious that this place was long since abandoned. "Where the hell am I?" I wondered aloud. As I entered the structure through the gaps of a nearly collapsed stone archway, I looked back outside only to witness possibly the biggest lightning bolt I had ever seen. Almost blinding me with the light it gave off and almost immediately accompanied by possibly the loudest clap of deafening thunder I had ever heard. "Phew, glad I found this place." I muttered quietly. With very little else to do I decided to venture deeper inside. I doubted I would find much of anything in this place, but exploring it sure beat doing nothing while the storm passed. As I went down the long dark corridor I began to see light coming from around a corner. As I turned it I was met with an absolutely astonishing sight. It was like I found a section of the fabled lost city of Shangri-la, contained in a rather sizeable warn down hall. Healthy green grass covered the floor, long thick vine like branches clung to the walls and from them sprouted big blooming flowers of oranges and yellows, blues and purples. In the middle of the room was a singular tall tree that bore red leaves that, for some reason, reminded me of the petals from a rose. It was a very wondrous and magical sight. One rather big crack along the ceiling let a steady steam of water into the room. With several smaller splits in the ceiling allowing many other singular droplets in. As I walked around the centre of this garden that was a pleasant respite from the raging storm and dense forest outside, I saw something out of the corner of my eye... It was the rather distinct silhouette of a woman standing in front of the tree at the centre of this room. It seemed that we had noticed each other at the exact same time because as I turned to fully face her, she turned to fully face me. At first I thought I must have been hallucinating or something, because if I wasn't then... The girl standing in front of me was almost stark naked, I say 'almost' because nearly her entire right side was covered in some sort of pitch black metal. The metal completely covered her right arm and seemed to... Organically extend towards the rest of her body from there, diminishing the further it went. The metal barely covered her chest or womanhood and by the time it reached her left side, there was hardly any there at all. Her skin was a healthy shade of peach and she had an almost criminally perfect voluptuous body, having all the right curves in all the right places. Two round and busty breasts were suspended above her flawlessly toned and slender stomach. Her hips were the perfect width to complement the two strong and shapely legs below, which I had to admit, had an absolutely stunning thigh gap between them. She had long and flowing straight dark hair that ended with tips that were a dark hue of red. Out of the two of us I would definitely say that she was the more intriguing and fascinating one when it came to appearances. Yet... When I came to look at her face, which had innocently soft and smooth features, she... Apparently seemed to be looking at me with the same shocked and bewildered expression I was giving her. It was only then that we made eye contact and I saw that her right eye was a glowing scarlet red, while her left eye was a deep abyssal black. It was a striking and intimidating contrast to say the very least. We were locked in a stare for a few moments until her eyes broke away to wonder around my body. I followed her gaze as best as I could until her searching promptly stopped. finally settling on my left hand. Why is she staring at my... I thought to myself, a thought that I myself interrupted as I recalled what I was holding. A quick glance was all I needed to confirm that my sword must have been what she stared so intently at. I looked back at her only for our eyes to meet once more, the faint hint of a smile crept across her face as they did. She looked away from me and down to her own right hand as she raised it into the air. The dark metal covering her body now began to pulsate with eerie red veins, the longer she seemed to concentrate the wider and more pronounced the crimson patterns became. All the while her right eye seemed to glow steadily brighter. Until finally she threw down her right hand, and from it sprouted a terrifying black blade. The length and width of which almost dwarfed that of a greatsword. "What the..." was all I was able to say as I watched the scene before me unfold. The eerie red veins then seeped their way along the flat of the blade, as they did they grew in size and density. Slowly covering almost the entire sword. It was only then that I noticed that the crimson patterns had some... Moisture to them. In fact, they were some kind of fluid. A liquid that moved and looked a lot like... Blood. I thought. Which was a terrifying realisation. With her weapon now ready, she slowly raised and pointed it directly at me. Accompanied by an unnervingly happy grin of excitement. Then, slowly and rather seductively, she began to walk towards me. "Wow, now wait a minute." I said, holding my hands up in front of me in the best non threatening manner I could. She wasn't deterred and continued to take slow, steady steps towards me, her hips swaying left and right as she did. All with a damn near terrifying expression of anticipation on her face. "I wasn't looking for a fight, we can talk through this can't we?" I asked, still hoping she would listen. However, it seemed my pleas for amity only got her even more excited, if the ever growing smile was anything to go off of... Clearly she wasn't going to accept any kind of peaceful resolution. "Damn it." I grunted under my breath as I resorted to at least wield my own weapon and ready myself. I was caught in a very bad position. All I had was this blade, which by the way, was completely blunt. It was a sparring sword after all, for obvious safety reasons it was so dull it could barely go through butter. However, it was leagues better than being completely unarmed as I could at the very least still use it to defend myself. That is if I even 'COULD' defend myself from... Whatever the hell was still walking towards me as I had my mental breakdown! Taking a deep calming breath, I reasoned that if it looked like a human, walked like a human, and fought like a human. Then MAYBE I could take it down the same way I would any other human. If I could land one decent blow to her temple and got REALLY lucky, my blade was still capable of knocking her out. Hell, if I got one good strike to her skull it may give me the time I needed to land another blow to her temple to put her under. It was the best and only plan I had so I decided to go with it... That was a decision I would very quickly come to regret. The very moment I adopted a stance and readied a guard was the very same moment she broke into a full on sprint right for me. Her sudden acceleration and the speed at which she moved was unnatural. She raised her sword above her head and brought it straight back down, as if she was going to cut me in half with one fluid motion. I only barely managed to sidestep out of the blades path in time, raising my own sword above my head with crossed arms as reinsurance. The force of her blow easily displaced my blade, sending it rocketing towards the ground to my side along with her own. However, I had enough experience to know how to use my opponents momentum against them when they carelessly swung their sword too hard. I instinctively used the momentum her blade gave mine to snap it around and back up, uncrossing my arms and bringing the back edge of my longsword rocketing down towards her head. Her strike was indeed direct and forceful, while her moves were quick and fluid. However, the action of raising her weapon above her head in that manner telegraphed her intent. Allowing me to anticipate her stoke before she could execute it and react accordingly. The fact that my movements weren't being restricted by my protective sparring gear certainly helped with my speed as well. With my blade hurtling towards her exposed head I thought I had the decent blow I was hoping for, and had gained the upper hand. No normal opponent could ever recover from such a swing and react in time to block my counter. But alas, she was definitely no normal opponent. Just when I thought my blade was going to connect with her head, out of nowhere, and against all odds... My sword was stunted by her own. My eyes widened in disbelief as I could barely even see how fast she moved. "Impossible... No one could..." I whispered, still trying to come to terms with how quickly she reacted. My heart sank all the more when I saw her face, more specifically, her grin. Apparently she was seemingly delighted with my response. With the face I wore as I came to realise how utterly, incredibly screwed I was. I swiftly realized that I would be dead meat if I chose to remain within her blade's reach. So I leaped back with all the strength my legs could muster and took a few more leaps backwards for good measure, keeping my eyes practically glued on her as I did. My adversary however, remained exactly where she was, frozen in the position of her last block. It was only when I stopped frantically trying to gain more distance that she finally acted. Moving painfully slowly as she went to stand up straight again. Almost as if she was trying to make a mockery of the speed she had previously shown herself to be capable of. Turning to face me once again she raised her weapon and pointed its tip directly at me. Pausing for a few moments before she began to take equally agonisingly slow paces towards me once more. Her smile never fading from her lips. It was at this point that my instinctive fight or flight response kicked into overdrive. Not since my first ever real sparring match all those years ago did I feel this way. So frail and powerless. Reminding me of what it felt like to be the novice, starring down the approaching master. I could hear my heart begin to pound ferociously in my chest and I could sense the adrenaline coursing through my system, giving renewed and heightened strength to my limbs. I'll admit I was leaning more towards using this serge of energy for flight rather than fight. However, the only entrance and exit was at the left side of the room, while my opponent was slowly advancing from the right. After seeing how quickly she could move, I didn't dare take my eyes off of her for even a moment, let alone be so dumb as to fully turn my back on her to make a break for it. With little other choice I took a deep steadying breath and readied myself for another exchange. Ecstatic at my preparation for another assault she gleefully took acceptation and charged me at break neck speeds. This time readying for a horizontal slash by placing her sword to her left side. Again she telegraphed her intentions, betraying the use of her inhuman speed. She followed through with her obvious attack which I nonetheless only barely managed to avoid. Ducking under her blade as it went past, with my sword held above my head for reassurance. I instantaneously followed up with a strike of my own, cutting down the same horizontal line of attack she used. Normally such a counter as this would guarantee a hit, and against anyone else, it would have done. However... Exactly like last time she redirected her blade to catch my sword before it could connect at almost blinding speed. However, unlike last time, I didn't allow myself to be deterred. I unleashed a mad flurry of strikes from all different directions, desperate to land a single blow. Advancing a step with each stroke, one after another, after another, after another, after another. Trying to use all of the near endless energy the adrenaline in my system gave me. Downwards diagonal right, horizontal left, horizontal right, upwards diagonal left, upwards diagonal right, downwards diagonal left. Again, and again, and again, and again... When I finally felt my muscles begging for relief from the intense use, and when my lungs burned for air, I delivered one final downwards cut as I withdrew and leaped back. Winded from my efforts, and crestfallen from the results, I stood there as I realised that not ONE of my strikes managed to connect. She had blocked and parried ALL of them. I thought things couldn't get much worse. That was until she uttered two simple words... "My turn." She chirped with glee. Ohh... SH! Before I could even finish my own thought I was forced into action. She rushed me again, but this time she didn't telegraph any of her intended stokes. No, this time all of her moves were graceful and her strikes were reserved. She left no openings for retaliation and all I could do was try to block her barrage of attacks. At times it seemed that the moment I blocked one attack, she was already half way to landing the next. I was overwhelmed. Relying more on reaction to save me rather than any level of strategic thought. Block, after block, after block, after block. I kept this up for as long as I could but eventually, I made a mistake... Yet another stroke was coming in from my left and I extended my sword to catch it, throwing out all of my energy to meet and stop it. However before our blades met she displaced and redirected her own sword over mine. It was a feint, and I fell for it. All the energy I had produced to stop an on coming strike was now met with empty air, I couldn't fight my own built up momentum as I practically threw myself forward onto her incoming blade. Her swords edge aimed directly for my neck. Time itself seemed to slow as all I could do was watch as her weapon moved ever closer and closer to me. This is the end of me... I thought to myself. Then, as her blade grew mere inches away from my throat, out of the corner of my eye I saw her shadowy figure leaping past me to my right. Both of her hands around the handle of her sword, which was odd, considering she'd only used her right hand for her weapon until now. That's when I looked back at the sword and stared in both amazement and bewilderment to see that her blade was now retracting. She was using the leverage gained from her left hand to pivot her sword around me as she went past, the edge of her blade never touching my skin. Time caught back up with us as she landed behind me some distance away. While I had only now recovered from my own momentum. Planting a foot forward to regain my balance. Still confused and in shock I lifted my shaking left hand to touch my neck. However, no matter how much I felt and searched. Nothing. No pain, no blood, no cut. I didn't understand. If she wanted me dead, I'd be dead. My life was hers for the taking, and yet, she went out of her way and preformed an astonishing feat of skill and control to prevent her finishing blow. I couldn't make any sense of it. She spared me? Why? If my death was never her goal then, why was she fighting me? What did she want? What was her aim? My head was flooded with questions, desperately trying to make sense of the situation with the information I had. It was only when I turned around to face her that it suddenly came to me. For once since the first time we laid eyes on each other, she wasn't grinning. Instead she was looking at me with an all together different type of anticipation. A very similar look to what a tutor would have as they waited for their student to figure out the answer to a complicated puzzle. My eyes widened as I came up with a theory. Wait a minute, if she doesn't want to hurt me... But still wants to fight... Could it really be that simple? I wondered. I decided to test my theory to see if I was right. This decision was one I would not come to regret. I raised my sword and pointed it's tip at her the same way she had done to me. This time wearing a smile of my own. A smile that I had worn many, many times before. Her eyes widened in turn and her face was aglow with excitement at my challenge. She accepted by raising her blade to mimic my own, this time wearing a grin that was somewhere between mischievously playful and happily content. We both suddenly charged at one another, swords raised and ready to clash with the other. When we met we entered what can only be described as a dance. Our blades constantly span and turned in an astonishing display of advancing and retracting. We moved so well with each other it was almost as if we ourselves became the physical manifestations of yin and yang. Strike, block, strike, parry, counter, block, faint, strike, counter, block, strike, counter, faint, strike, parry, counter, strike. On and on we went, I'm not sure for how long. None of our attacks were specifically meant to harm the other, they were simply meant to make the other respond. Almost as if it was a game of sorts... It seemed my theory was right, as she moved at the perfect speed to match and compliment my own, even though she has proven time and again that she could move so much faster than me if she wanted to. The answer to all of my questions were in her smile the entire time. A smile that when I thought about it, was very similar to my own when I was sparring. She, like me, was having fun, she was happy. All of this was simply about enjoying herself. She was content with only having a fight, not actually trying to kill each other. It explained why I was still alive and why I hadn't even gotten so much as a single scratch yet. I wasn't dumb enough to think it was because of any amount of skill on my part. If she wanted to she could have killed me long before now, but, luckily for me, that wasn't what she wanted. She was like me in that she simply found exhilaration and excitement in the rush of a sword fight, in the clanging of blades. I kept up this new fight for as long as I could. However my adrenaline was now fading and all of what I had been through began to take its toll. With one final stroke I leaped back and out of the exchange. Hunched over with bent knees I huffed and puffed as I tried to simply relieve my burning lungs. Barely fit to stand and scarcely even holding my own sword anymore, it was clear I couldn't continue. My new sparring partner on the other hand, stood there as if all we had done didn't even serve to be a warm up for her. Even though I couldn't do much of anything in the state I was in, I still, albeit rather feebly, raised my blade for another stroke. The spirit was willing after all, it was only the flesh that was weak. However, it seemed that my new sparing partner was not planning on humouring me any longer. Although, for the briefest of moments I could have sworn that I saw her smile grow just a little wider. With a flourish of her sword she rent my blade from my hand and sent it flying some distance away. Without skipping a beat she closed the gap and went in for a grapple. Breaking my balance by wrenching her knee behind mine, locking my arm by wrapping it up with her own, and with an all mighty pommel bash to my chest, sent me plummeting to the ground. Landing flat on my back with her following me down. Landing on top of me with her knees at either side of my hips, her left hand resting on my chest and her right hand holding her sword over my throat. "Alright... You win." I uttered in between heavy gasps. For some reason she was frozen there, staring at me as if she were trying to memorise every detail of my face. "So... What happens now?" I finally asked somewhat nervously as I began to catch my breath. When I was done having quite possibly the best climax of my entire life, I was almost immediately overcome with fatigue. Closing my eyes and near instantly falling unconscious. However... Just before I did I could have sworn I felt her press her lips against my ear and whisper. "Sleep well... My new master." |
Maku_The_BlueOct 2, 2020 6:32 AM
| A well-written first chapter. I wonder how you come to be the master when she has so clearly bested you? I suspect it is a ploy to stick around... or something like that :P |
| Welcome to the MSG Maku I hope you like your stay here! Getting laid in the first chapter already. Off to a good start I would say. Now, one would think that old damp ruins have rather cold floors, and she happens to have have two pillows... Just sayin' ;-) |
MetallumOperaturOct 6, 2020 7:11 AM
| Damn Maku, you got natural talent for this, I might need some tips. |
MetallumOperaturOct 6, 2020 7:12 AM
  S T A T I C |
| Second chapter is a good read as well. I like the level of detail you're using to catch the MC's impression of things. And now I suppose it's off to the journey, discovering Elizabeth :) One thing I might change if I were you is with the speech of characters. it was alright in this case, but if you have multiple different characters speaking in the same line or paragraph it can easily get confusing to follow who is actually speaking. |
| I can see why Rose is confused with your MC. He banged her and she didn't murder him in his sleep, how was that not enough for him to give her the benefit of the doubt a bit earlier? Then again, Cursed Swords do look kinda creepy on first glance :-P Agree with Mugen that for readability it is better to separate speech more distinctly when you switch from speaker. I usually use tygertyger's story as my example when trying to figure out how stuff should be punctuated or what should be separated and what should stay together. |
MetallumOperaturMay 16, 2018 3:37 PM
Maku_The_Blue said: And I'll keep the separation of speech in mind for future chapters, I'll also edit the chapters I've already got written up to follow suit. As I said, in this case it wasn't too bad, but especially if you have more than two characters interacting at some point, it quickly gets messy :) |
MetallumOperaturOct 6, 2020 7:13 AM
| Too bad the Thunderbird was a tad crazy, could have been an excellent threesome partner if she had been more reasonable. Also let this be a lesson, never ever turn your back to an opponent unless you're a 100% sure they're dead. |
Maku_The_Blue said: I didn't know whether to find that comforting or to find that even more unsettling. That may take some getting used to. Someone should have told that thunderbird that sharing is indeed caring. I bet that she was actually after a different kind of penetration. |
MetallumOperaturOct 6, 2020 7:12 AM
Maku_The_Blue said: mugen91 said: I bet that she was actually after a different kind of penetration. I was kinda hoping someone would make that joke. I was not disappointed. Thank you good sir. XD It was beautifully prepared :P |
MetallumOperaturOct 6, 2020 7:13 AM
| Good to see you uploading another chapter. Jack seems like an alright guy, he can help you along on your way. And getting your sword fixed and upgraded for free? Bonus :-) |
| Good indeed to see a new chapter! Looks like you got lucky to run into Jack and Martha, though I have a faint idea the young couple will not be enjoying the idle peace forever :P One tip (or is it a request?) Since you use quotation marks for both speech and thoughts, it can get a little confusing as to which is which, so maybe it could be a good idea to make the two a bit more distinct :) |
| Italicizing the thoughts is a common solution for that. |
| And after an absurdly long amount of time I can finally upload chapter 5! With chapter 6 ready for uploading for next week and chapter 7 90% complete for the week after that. So at least I can have some retention, if only for 3 weeks. Might also go back and edit a few bits and pieces I've been meaning to change for a while too... (Update... I have now!) But for now, I hope you enjoy! Chapter 5: Debts repaid. I was brought back into consciousness from a light but restful sleep by the gentle, warm pressure of soft, glossy lips being pressed against my own. At first I was somewhat confused by the sensation, my still drowsy and addled mind wondering why I was feeling such a thing. But as I came to open my eyes I saw the all too familiar face of Rose pressed intimately close to mine. Causing me to immediately recall what method I had told her to use when she wanted to wake me up. A light smile crossing my face as I did. As I slowly regained more awareness and cognitive thought I found myself laying flat on my back with her body laid along the right side of mine. Her armored hand softly resting on my chest, while her unarmored arm was nestled beneath her beside my shoulder. Using her elbow and forearm to prop herself up as she leaned in to continue her affectionate efforts to rouse me from my slumber. I gently raised myself up and back into her own lips. Rewarding her for the service she was giving me by wrapping my arms around her. My right hand coming up to stroke her long silky black hair, my fingers starting at her scalp and working my way down, parting and playing with individual strands. While my left hand came to fully explore the differences of the cold hard metal and warm soft flesh that made up her body. Slowly meandering my way down her back and hips before I eventually came to grab a palm full of her invitingly gentle and round behind. Rose quietly moaned into me as I fondled and groped her supple and malleable flesh. All the while gradually deepening the kiss we shared. Growing all the more intense and passionate the more I continued sampling her surprisingly delicious tasting lips. Her lovingly warm breath washed over me as Rose kept up with the pace and intensity that I had set. Surprisingly never increasing it despite how much I could tell she so desperately wanted to. Eventually I parted my lips from her own and laid my head back down, relieving the slight strain that was building in my neck. Pulling her head into my chest and wrapping my arms around her in an attempt to compensate for the slightly cute, but still disappointed look on her face. "Now that was good wake up call." I said as I still moved my hands up and down her body. Even though I was trying to stop at the base of her spine, Rose subtlety tried shuffling her body upwards whenever my hands got near in an attempt to guide my hands a little lower to once again grab her wanting plump behind. Quite obviously sending the message that she was hoping for a little bit more than a kiss. "Rose... I know what you're doing... I'm sorry but we can't. Or at least we shouldn't... Not while we're here anyway. I don't really think It'd be that polite of us to have sex in someone else's house... Especially when they've allowed us stay here overnight to give us shelter." I explained to her dissatisfaction. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to. When we leave I promise I'll make it up to you. As well as properly pay you back for everything else you've done for me." I stated with a light peck on the top of her head. Humorously I now came to a deeper understanding of the reasoning Jack used to convince Martha to work so hard on reforming and upgrading my sword. Apparently it seemed that using sex as a bribe, or way of persuading or paying back debts of gratitude to these girls was quite effective... But I was then snapped out of this realisation by the sound of a door being slammed open. "Good morning you two!!" Jack heartily shouted. "Oh. I hope I wasn't interrupting something..." He said with a possibly the widest self satisfied grin I had ever seen. "Oh no no no. You weren't. Oh and good morning to you too Jack." I stammered out rather awkwardly while trying to slightly distance myself from Rose without upsetting or offending her. A delicate balance that was quite hard to perform. "Fancy some breakfast?" Jack asked with an upbeat smile while walking towards a rather decorative looking wooden cupboard. "Sure! Thanks!" I responded finally managing to separate myself from Rose's embrace and standing up from my surprisingly comfortable improvised bed. He responded to my acceptation of his offer by throwing a ripe looking red apple my way. I raised my hands to catch it, but while it was still mid flight, and before it could even reach the half way point of making contact with my palm... Out of nowhere Rose had materialised in front of me with her sword already summoned and raised to cut the incoming perceived threat in four different pieces with two blinding fast strikes. Startling me and Jack enough to warrant a little skip back in surprise from the both of us. All quarters of the once delectable fruit harmlessly dropping to the floor in front of her once they lost their momentum. The speed at which she preformed this protective response suggested that it must have been like an instinctive or reflexive action for her... Which made me deeply contemplate exactly how much I meant to her so quickly after only meeting each other yesterday. A short awkward silence fell for a moment between all of us. But eventually when her little display of protecting me finally sunk in, Jack and I simply began to laugh hysterically in unison at Rose's adorable misunderstanding. While she herself could only stand there completely bewildered by our uncontrollable laughter. Once I had calmed down enough to speak I walked up to her and gave her a light kiss on her forehead to show my gratitude. "Thank you for um... Protecting me. I won't ask you to stop.... But don't be that hasty to cut everything up that comes my way like that in the future. Especially if its just some fruit." I said with a slight giggle. "Alright... I will try master." Rose replied still a little bit puzzled as to what caused us to laugh so much in the first place. Resigning myself to not letting the apple go to waist I bent over to pick up the pieces off the cabin floor. "You don't happen to have any water to wash these do you? Just because it's been quartered it doesn't mean it's inedible." I said with a chuckle. "Yeah. Sure thing." Jack replied while still holding a slight chuckle from his own uncontrollable laughter. Jack went to retrieve a water skin from another room before coming back. This time making sure to slowly hand it over to me, instead of throwing it. Once I had washed and eaten my now segmented breakfast, while Jack ate his own, he asked if I wanted to resume our lecture from yesterday. I of course agreed because I not only needed to learn as much as I could about this new world, but also because I actually wanted to learn as much as I could as well. We resumed where we left off and simply talked about the different types of Mamono that inhabited the island. Sometimes discussing their powers or abilities, sometimes speaking about their culture or tendencies, sometimes briefly touching on their fetishes or what their sexual preferences were. Since nearly everything he told me was actually interesting and naturally lead to more questions and topics we almost never stopped talking. Like yesterday we continued on speaking about this and that for quite some time. Easily taking up the small early hours of the morning. We could have quite happily gone perhaps the rest of the day like that had we not been interrupted by Martha entering the room from the outside door. And I didn't even realise she was out there all this time. I had thought she had still been asleep in their bedroom. I hadn't heard her come out of there, and I didn't hear any signs of activity coming from her forge, so I had no reason to think otherwise. But it appeared as though she had been up before any of us. I couldn't help but ponder what possible reason she could have to get up so early... When she entered the room she had a spring in her step and a triumphant smile on her face. Martha practically skipped over to Jack as she wrapped her arms around him and whispered something in his ear. Something that made Jack smile rather coyly for a moment, but he regained his composure and returned to his usual happy smile. "Would you like to see how your new sword is going?" Jack asked with a seemingly proud grin. "Uh, yeah sure, let's see how far she's gotten with it..." I replied. Jack and Martha both got up to head for the front door and went around the back of the cabin to Martha's forge. With Rose and me following close behind, not really knowing what to expect. When we turned the final corner and reached her workplace I almost immediately noticed a large white cloth covering her anvil with the all too familiar silhouette of a swords profile sticking out of the pale fabric. Jack confidently strode towards the white cloth and with all the gusto of a professional showman, he towered behind it and placed both of his hands around it, soon wrapping all of his fingers tightly around the large pale fabric. "It is with great pleasure that I now present you with..." Jack said while pausing for dramatic effect as he tightened his grip once more and prepared to unveil his wife's handy work. "Your new and improved sword!" He exclaimed while yanking up the white cloth to reveal a freshly polished gleaming masterpiece of a weapon. Fully complete and near perfectly matching the alterations I had requested. With a handle that looked to be fashioned from a tough dark wood like oak or ebony. A thin and long refined looking blade. And with smooth pear shaped pommel and crossguard. My reaction was somewhere between absolutely speechless and uncontrollably excitable. The first words to leave my shaking lips were. "How!?" After making several other incomprehensible noises for a few moments to show my bewilderment, I once again regained the ability to speak. "Reforging a blade from scratch should take months!! Weeks at the very least!! How could she do it all in a single day!?" I questioned still in disbelief. "That is simply the magic that is my wonderful cyclops wife." Jack casually answered. I still didn't really know how to react. But just looking at my new weapon left me with this feeling of absolute awe. When I at last fully regained my composure I allowed my hands to wonder towards the beautifully forged masterpiece. "May I?" I asked as I took a step towards it. "Go ahead! It's yours after all." Jack replied. With that I walked up to my new sword and eagerly wrapped my hands around the grip. When I lifted it up into the air for the first time I knew... This was the best sword I had ever held! The length, the weight, the balance, everything was bordering absolute perfection for me! I couldn't help but giggle at myself as I walked away to provide myself with room to properly give it a good swing. When I held it with both hands and went to replicate the the training moves I always did at my HEMA class I felt like I was in some kind of sword enthusiasts dream. I simply couldn't resist the temptation of testing it out against another blade. With my signature smile of anticipation for a sword fight I turned to Rose and asked... "Fancy having a bit of 'fun' to give it a tester?" With a gleeful smile she accepted my offer and summoned her blade by raising her arm and throwing it back down. God that looked so damn cool when I stopped and thought about it... However I remembered what happened when I sparred against her while she was using a greatsword sized weapon. The mass and weight of such a blade combined with her strength and the speed at which she could swing that thing obviously meant any normal blade would suffer some damage. It should have been pretty damn obvious when I thought about it. In response to this realisation I also said... "Actually... Rose. Can I ask you to make your sword a little bit smaller and on the thinner side please? Remember what I asked you to do last night? Go easy on my new sword but don't go easy on me?" I reminded her. "Alright. As you command master." She replied as she recalled that I had indeed made that request last night. Rose raised her arm and sword into the air once more, but this time she intently looked at it as if trying to figure out exactly how she was going to carry out my request. With a little downwards yank of her arm some of the material receded back onto her main body, and left a smaller, thinner and more refined looking blade that quite frankly now closely matched my own. With that we saluted each other with our now signature position of pointing the tips of our blades at one another's chest. And then we assumed our stances and readied our guards. Charging at each other almost immediately afterwards with uncontrollable anticipation. Fire in our eyes and smiles gracing our lips. Exactly like before, she was holding back her true abilities. Restraining her speed and strength to more compliment and push my own abilities to their limits. Regardless of the obvious fact that she was still, of course going easy on me, I was undeniably still having the time of my life. We clashed and danced around each other's blades. Throwing strikes, blocks and counters at each other's bodies in prolonged exchanges. I occasionally leaped back to catch my breath for a few seconds after a long exchange before charging right back in again. Jack and Martha simply looked on at our display being seemingly intrigued and entertained by our way of having 'fun' with one another. It was only when I was starting to really feel the effects of the prolonged, intensely quick movements that I leaped back for the final time out of an exchange to call it quits. For now... Rose of course looked like she could continue as we were for several more hours at a time. But I could only put up a decent fight against her for 10 or 20 minutes before even I had to admit my movements became painfully slow and sluggish. Once we were done I raised my newly forged sword into the air and to my pleasant surprise I could see no nicks or chips anywhere along the blade whatsoever. This truly was a durable blade indeed if it still looked pristine after the testing Rose and I had just put it through. Ecstatic with my new possession I couldn't help but walk up to the shy but proud cyclops to give her the best hug I could muster to show my appreciation. Which she accepted with a little encouragement from her chuckling husband. "Wow! Be careful with that sword... I made it sharp so you actually might be able to defend yourself against other... Rather forward Mamono." Martha said. Catching me a bit off guard with actually hearing her voice for the first time. "I hope you won't ever need to use it against another Mamono of course... But it's better to have something rather than nothing if you ever find yourself without Rose being at your side." She added. "I would never leave master's side." Rose interceded. "I'm sure you'd never WILLINGLY leave my side." I said with a chuckle. "But you never know... Perhaps there'll come a time when you have no choice... Better safe than sorry either way." I added. "Hear hear." Jack chimed in. "By the way... If you're really still set on trying to find a way back home then all I can do is wish you luck and point you in the direction of where you can start." Jack said. "Go through the woods in that direction and you'll come across an old stone covered road, turn left and follow it up and you'll eventually find a small settlement where you could get some of the supplies you'll need." Jack described while pointing me in the general path I wanted to follow. "Also, here, I'll give you this water skin and satchel with some salted meats and dried fruits to start you off. They should see you there but you may want to walk briskly if you want to get there before sunset." Jack suggested while also handing me a wooden sheath for my new sword. Apparently it was made from the same wood that my swords handle was made from so it matched very nicely indeed. "Of course you're always welcome to stay for another few nights, but I also promised I'd repay Martha for her hard work once your sword was finished, if you catch my meaning... I can't guarantee that you'll get any good night's sleep." Jack said with a coy grin and a wink. Much to the blushing cyclops's dismay. "No, that won't be necessary, I already can't thank you enough for everything you've done so far." I humbly said. With my sword in hand and a satchel over my shoulder me and Rose made our farewells and started to set off. "Oh and one last thing!" Jack shouted as jogged back down the hill to catch up with us. "While no one really knows for sure, most would agree that we got here by some kind of magical mishap, so maybe you should try speaking with Mamono that have some notable knowledge or experience with magic." Jack finished with a pat on my shoulder, leaving me with even more sound advice before running back up the hill. With that we continued on only glancing backwards to see the loving couple hurry off back inside their cabin. Not wanting to stick around to hear what they were obviously in a rush to get to, I decided to slightly quicken our pace. We followed the path Jack had laid out and described for us until I found myself staring at Rose's behind. Who had been walking in front of me for some time now. God damn it... Just looking at her plump exposed ass for so long is starting to get to me... And I suppose I do still need to properly start repaying her for everything she's done for me... And I guess no one seems to be around... Screw it I can't take this anymore. I thought. "Rose..." I said. "Satisfied?" I asked. "Yes master. I am." She ecstatically replied. "Good. I certainly am too. *sigh* usually a nice short nap is what I'd like to do after something like that... But I suppose we had better keep going instead. Come on." I suggested putting my staff back away and pulling up my trackies. "Alright. As you wish master." Rose answered. And with that Rose stood up and followed me, this time with me leading the way... |
Maku_The_BlueJan 6, 2020 6:55 AM
| Nice to finally see another chapter. Lucky to have a nice, new sword. Now we'll have to see how long until you have occasion to use it (and whether it'll be of any help). Regarding your chapter releases, I'd say just take it easy. Weekly chapters are nice, but overall consitency is best IMO, so if your writing speed is more like a chapter every two or three weeks, that's also perfectly fine (As long as it's not 7 months again :P ) |
| Just caught up with this one. Nice to see a new chapter. I'm not sure, but I think this might be the first appearance of the thunderbird in an MSG story. Definitely not the first appearance of a cyclops, but Martha is the most likable one we've seen. I did see some grammar issues in the early chapters... but I'm also seeing improvement with every installment, so kudos on that. This stuff is hard, y'all, so I appreciate the effort that it takes to learn from one's mistakes. I'm trying to do this stuff professionally, and I still screw up sometimes. So mad props to anyone who even has the guts to try! And yes, as MetallumOperatur pointed out, the convention is to italicize thoughts (including telepathic communications) and to reserve quotes for spoken dialogue. Double quotes for speech, single quotes for speech within a speech. In the US punctuation goes inside quotes, in the UK it goes outside. As an American I use the US convention. YMMV. Example: "The Godfather said, 'Make him an offer he can't refuse,' and that's what we're gonna do," said Vito. I am so screwed, I told myself. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Happy to see you did not abandon the writing. I can understand perfectly that one needs his/her time to write a chapter, I think my longest time between two chapters has been almost 9 months. |
| First a Rose, now a Lilly. Are you collecting flowers? Now, all you gotta do is hope flowers will get along :-P |
MetallumOperaturMar 25, 2019 2:06 PM
MetallumOperatur said: First a Rose, now a Lilly. Are you collecting flowers? That was my thought as well. Maybe our protagonist likes... garden variety mamono. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Nice Update and yes, coming up with names can be a bit tough. I tend to look for a lot of different sources to steal names, erhhh, get inspired. Now, I'm no botanist, so do lilies and roses harmonize when you put them together? |
mugen91 said: Now, I'm no botanist, so do lilies and roses harmonize when you put them together? A quick Google search shows several florists offering lily + rose bouquets, so I'd say yes. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| I'm happy to see a couple pointy eared stuck-up army gals whose names all start with an A make an appearance. Are they called the AAA-team? Who knows?! Will our heroes soon meet a buff dark elf named Mrs. T and wearing an obscene amount of bling? Who knows? Tune in next time to find out! Our MC might want to ask for a rematch using a different kind of sword. Pretty sure that way he'll be wiping that condescending look of their faces in no time, while they have to wipe something else of their faces ;-) Also some more technical feedback. I put it behind a spoiler tag to keep the post nice and tidy: Cheers, Metal |
MetallumOperaturJul 19, 2021 4:54 AM
| Ah, another chapter! And with some elfity goodness, too. I rather like the bits about the history of the fighting style. It's a good way to make a personal connection between the writer and the story, and that helps the reader connect to the story (kinda why my own stories pay as much attention to music as they do...). Mets is right about the level of detail in the fight scenes, though; best to keep those simple and stylized. Go into detail only when the details are important. Admittedly, fight scenes are super hard to do well. Hell, I'm this close to being a pro author, and I still struggle with them. One more note -- and I won't put this behind a spoiler tag because I see several writers make this mistake -- watch out for homophones. Spell-check won't catch these errors because there is no misspelled word. It's a correctly spelled word used in place of the entirely different word that should actually be used. I saw two examples in particular in this chapter: The only cure for this problem is to make at least one careful editing pass. And even then you might have to break out the thesaurus to make sure of your word choices. I say again... writing is hard, y'all. Mad props to anyone who has the guts to put their stuff out there. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Nice update. yada yada about level of detail, still quite enjoyable (especially elf number 2) I like where the story is going and for me, personally, the length of chapters doesn't bother me too much, though it will impact whether or not I read it right away, so you could say that shorter chapters yield quicker comments :P |
"Well, thank you, we would have been screwed if you hadn't stepped in like that." I confessed with a sigh. "Probably in more ways than one..." Lilly quietly muttered. I'm so glad I wasn't drinking when I read that. This is a nice transition chapter after all the action... and, I suspect, a good lead-in to a different kind of action. Still a few spelling mistakes, but none that took me out of the story. This bit moves the plot along nicely. On an unrelated note -- as the curator of the HMG competition I get to see all of the Name That Mamono entries in advance, so I found a minotaur named Tara to be a powerful coincidence. ;) |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Damn, been a while since the last update, had to skim the previous chapter as a reminder. Quite a change of pace from the action oriented previous chapter, but a good one I think. I imagine Rose will be somewhat displeased with the MC taking an active role in extracting the payment for their stay in the inn. But really, what can you do? |
| Sword-girl will no doubt get back at the interloper by claiming that she (Rose) needs to be sharpened and/or oiled. |
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
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