Who's the best?
Cerberus
50.0%
6
Noppera-bo
50.0%
6
12 votes
| CERBERUS NOPPERA-BO Don't forget to vote in the other brackets! Bracket 1: https://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=2120538 Bracket 3: https://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=2120533 Bracket 4: https://myanimelist.net/forum/?topicid=2120532 |
tygertygerOct 7, 2023 9:57 PM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| The Bandits’ Treasure I’d had no idea that being a man involved so much scratching your crotch and spitting, but that’s what the role required. At first I had counted myself lucky to find so many men in one place, but finding out that they were human separatists had dampened my enthusiasm. That they were also bandits made it worse. I’d spent much of the afternoon planning how to slip away from them unseen to warn the nearby village, but seeing their latest acquisition had forced a change of plans. “No mistake, that’s a fine piece of woman-flesh there, chief,” said a one-eyed ruffian who could defeat weaker mamono with just his body odor. “Are we keepin’ ‘er or sellin’ ‘er?” He leered and added, “Me, I vote for keepin’ ‘er.” A whip-thin man with an oiled mustache and the eyes of a killer subtly maneuvered himself between the naked captive and the other bandits. “She’s worth more if she’s unspoiled,” he said, “So it’s one or the other. Can’t be both.” The bandit chief, a mountain of a man with blond hair and mismatched armor, nodded agreement. “Severin’s right. We have to pick a path.” He thought for a moment and said, “It’s been a while since I had a woman from our world -- the human women born here have no fire, and we’ve all sworn an oath to not defile ourselves with abominations.” He strolled over to the woman and took her chin in his hand. “But this one is all woman, and she looks strong enough to handle us all a time or two. I say we keep her, lads!” The bandits raised a cheer, and when it subsided their chieftain added, “At least… for as long as she lasts.” As the bandits laughed the one called Severin started arranging them into a marching order. This was bad. I had mere minutes to get this poor woman away and no idea how to do it. While I wallowed in indecision the woman yanked her face out of the bandit chief’s hand and spat in his eye. “Filthy pig! Give me a dagger and I’ll show you how a Romani woman deals with the likes of you!” The bandit wiped his face with his sleeve and gave the woman a predatory smile. “Oh, don’t worry, miss. I plan on giving you a dagger.” The young woman’s face contorted in rage, but my long-stilled heart fluttered at her show of bravery. If her capacity for joy was equally great she might well be the spouse I’d been longing for… but to find out I had to get her away somehow. Before I could even begin to make a plan the situation changed yet again. “Uh… excuse me? Is this the secret bandit camp?” said a male voice. Every eye turned to see a dark-haired man with deeply tanned skin. The sword he carried looked far too fine for the station implied by his durable traveling clothes in addition to radiating a faint aura of mana. That’s no ordinary sword, I thought. I’m pretty sure it’s a mamono, but it doesn’t feel like a cursed sword. Are blessed swords real after all? “Who the hell are you, pup?” said the thug with the eyepatch. The young man grinned. “Name’s Maco. I’ve been hired to clear out a nest of bandits… and it looks like there are almost enough of you to make it fun.” He raised the sword, which glowed faintly in the moonlight, and took up a fighting stance. The bandits drew their weapons in turn, but none moved to attack until Severin sighed and said, “Ten silver to the man who brings me that sword.” The bandits took up positions around their quarry then. Maco waited until they had him surrounded before he started killing them. Amid the screams I saw my chance to rescue the damsel in distress. I turned toward the bandit leader and his lieutenant and sheathed my illusory weapon. “What are you doing, you fool? FIGHT!” roared the chieftain. Without breaking stride I assumed my natural form just before I got within their reach. The chief dropped his weapon and released his grip on the prisoner, and the acrid smell of ammonia told me that my gambit had worked even better on Severin. The young Romani, I was pleased to see, was merely surprised. I allowed myself a moment to savor the rush of emotion from the two men; that would keep me fed for at least a week. Then I assumed my juggler form to assure her that I meant no harm. “Let’s get you out of here,” I said. The woman looked at the scene of carnage and decided to take her chances with me. I led her into the woods along secret paths known only to me and the forest dwellers and ran at the best speed that she could keep up with. Three-quarters of a mile later I led my rescuee into a small copse to let her catch her breath. “We should be safe now,” I declared. “Even if the bandits won the fight, and I doubt they did, they won’t be able to track us along the paths we took.” The woman pushed out words between labored breaths. “That… sword… it was… magic?” “That sword was a living being,” I answered. “A mamono, a monster woman… like me.” I briefly assumed my dancer and storyteller forms to press the point home. “But unlike those bandits -- and most other mamono -- I won’t hurt you.” The young Romani nodded and took some time to get her breathing under control before asking, “Who are you?” “When I look like this I’m called Cathleen,” I said. “Sometimes I go by Abeni…” I shifted to dancer form. “...or Fatima…” and switched to my storyteller guise. “...but you can call me Kuranko,” before changing to my true form. I held that for a few moments before resuming Cathleen’s appearance and asked, “What’s your name?” “Kezia,” she said. “So what are you? Ghost? Spirit? Or…” and here I saw the first hint of worry on her face. “...vampire?” I giggled, I hoped reassuringly, and said, “No, I’m no vampire. A ghost, actually, but a friendly one. Well, except to bandits and kidnappers.” That got an answering chuckle from Kezia, and the sincerity of that sound brought a slight trickle of ectoplasm to my nethers. She must be the one! I thought. Aloud I said, “Before we do anything else, let’s do something about the way you’re dressed. There’s a homestead nearby. Why don’t we go there and get you something to wear and a place to rest for the night? In the morning we can talk about your future.” “On the way can we talk about where I am and how I got here?” she asked. At my nod she replied, “All right, then. Lead the way.” I smiled and held out my hand. “Better hold onto me; I can see in the dark much better than you can.” Kezia hesitantly took my hand and gasped at the contact. “Is something wrong?” “No no, it’s just… your hands are cold.” She smiled sheepishly and said, “I suppose that’s to be expected, eh?” Don’t worry, you joy-filled, brave beauty, I thought, Something else is hot for you. We smiled at each other as I led her into the night. Perhaps soon I would be able to trade my nightly marital arts practice for the real thing, but for now I would be content with answering her questions in ways that would convince her that I was her new home. |
tygertygerOct 9, 2023 11:56 AM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
| Guardian at the Gate “You insolent cur! How dare you impede me so?” Anatu stared down at the unusual ogre, and all three of her heads grinned with great amusement. “Dost thou truly think…,” Mu started. “...’tis so easy to escape the underworld?” Alpha finished the sentence. “Heh,” Omega chuckled. “Not while the legendary cerberus keeps watch!” As Anatu acted smugly, the ogre looked like she was about to pop a vein. “I am Ludmilla van Kant!” She shouted angrily and gesticulated wildly. “And I demand you let me pass, you oversized furball!” “Who?” Mu asked and one of their shared hands moved to scratch at her ear.. “Ludmilla van Kant. THE SECOND!” The ogre shouted. She pointed a finger at the three of them as she shouted. “The gates of the underworld remain shut!” Omega said ominously. “‘Tis our sacred duty!” It was all great fun. “This is the Meadow-gate!” The ogre screeched, seeming at her wit’s end at the cerberus’s fierce defense of the “gates of the underworld.” She tried to go past the mighty guardian once more, but was impeded without fault. For though an ogre was surely a powerful creature, she did not measure up to the mighty cerberus. Either that, or this ogre was not quite the punchy kind. Alpha, Mu, and Omega did not quite share the same opinion on that question in particular. “‘Tis not so!” Alpha insisted. “Why would the great cerberus Anatu guard a paltry meadow gate?” Mu wondered. “AAAA….,” A shout could be heard coming from a distance. Bystanders who had been watching the exchange with some amusement began to snicker. “Oh, oh,” Alpha muttered, and Omega’s ears fell flat against her head. Was their fun to be over so soon? “NAAAA…,” the shouting continued. Amused onlookers were laughing amongst each other and at unheard jokes. “...TUUUUU!” Omega cringed and Mu asked, “Are we in trouble?” “ANATU!” The sergeant finally came into view. The lizardman looked like she herself was about ready to pop a vein as she stalked towards them with an angry, stomping gait. Her hair was slightly disheveled and even her uniform seemed a bit out of order. “What are you doing?” She asked when she finally stood before the mighty guardian. That vein at her temple really stood out impressively. “Guarding the gate, sergeant!” Alpha called proudly, raising her arm up in salute. Omega nodded dutifully. “IMPEDING MY PASSAGE!” Ludmilla van Kant (the second), screeched. It was quite the contrast to the dignified manner she had affected when she first encountered Anatu. But it was to be expected that those attempting to flee hell’s domain would put on false faces to trick the mighty guardian. But they would not pass so easily. Not on Anatu’s watch! “Why, Anatu? Why are you impeding her passage?” The sergeant asked. All three of her heads tilted to the side, indicating the obvious question. “The gates of the underworld allow none to pass!” Alpha finally called out the obvious. “She has no reason. And I am now dreadfully late!” The ogre called. “There will be consequences for this!” “Anatu!” The sergeant called sternly and she had that look on her face that promised grave consequences. “Let the good woman pass. NOW!” The last part she shouted and made Omega flinch slightly. “Why?” Mu asked, still grinning as if she were ignorant to the sergeant’s volatile mood -- or perhaps in defiance of it. In any case, she had a wide grin on her face. But before the other two could interfere, Omega moved their shared body out of the ogre’s path. Maybe they had taken things a little too far this time, she thought privately. “Don’t be so timid, Omega!” Alpha, ever the simpleton, scolded. “Omega is the only one of you with at least half a brain cell, you dimwits!” The sergeant called. “You’re supposed to check those coming into the city for contraband, not stop people from leaving. How difficult is that to understand?” Alpha opened her mouth, but even Mu and Omega weren’t sure if she was going to give a real answer. In any case, before she could answer, the sergeant continued her tirade. “You’ve been in the guard for a week and chief Ruthless has received more complaints about you than all the newcomers of the past 10 years combined! And NO, this is not the fucking underworld!” “Why are you so angry?” Mu asked. The vein at the lizardman’s temple twitched impressively, but then a strangely calm expression came over her face. “You’re off gate duty,” she said and her face bespoke great satisfaction. “What?” Alpha muttered. “Why?” Mu cried. “You can’t,” Omega begged. “Chief Ruthless’ decision is final,” the sergeant said and the edges of her lip seemed to turn up with cruel satisfaction. “Blame your own inability to separate work and fun.” “But it’s the reason we joined the guard,” Alpha began to bargain. “You couldn’t hope for a better guardian!” “We need someone who does her job and not prevent the good people of Alnor from leaving the city when they please!” “So what shall we guard instead?” Omega asked with a pout. “You’re on patrol duty! Report back to the station to get the details.” |
mugen91Oct 8, 2023 9:53 AM
| "When you have bought your own load of hooey, you know exactly what it is worth." -- Bruce Sterling |
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