Numb's Blog

So I trust you not to steal this, it's not really that much of a master piece anyway.
I'm just proud of it as it got me my A* in my English GCSE. Tbh, you probably can't be assed :/.


She lay there, lifeless, but beautiful, like the midnight moon rising from the midnight sea, to wake the dead, the unwanted.

Sometimes you feel like there is always someone better than you, what we humans are incapable of understanding is that we are all special to one person, but our feelings of envy misjudge us.
For example, a girl jealous of another girl, battling for her knight in shining armour.

There are times in your life when you don’t get your wishes, there are times in your life where you are rejected, there are times in your life when you feel worthless.
And there are times in your life when you feel jealous.
I should know.

It was a cold night; there was no warmth for me to reach. The waves were hungry, hungry for the sand, which changed from honey gold to amber, as the sun dipped down into the depths of the sea. The hungry waves were just about to swallow the ball of fire that brought joy. Long journeys had always frustrated me; I didn’t know whether this was because I longed to be at my destination, or because, as far as I could remember, I had no happy thoughts to treasure on my way. So going through a journey of mixed emotions, wasn’t my thing, and this journey in particular. I don’t wish to know why I did it, nor do I want to accept it, my only wish is to forget, to erase it completely from my memory.
To erase my sins would be a different matter.

I am used to the sickly smell of that beach, the waves always meandered whimsically into the depths of the ocean, as the smell of lost blood from my memories carefully drifted to the back of my throat. This was always interrupted quickly by a warm, rich, arrogant smoke coming from the burning fire in the campsite to the east, fighting for its strengths in the wind.
The sand whipped up by the wind hit me violently, warning me and telling me to walk away from what I was about to see once more, disturbing MY emotions and feelings of this terrible mess I had been in that strangely calmed me. I never usually took note of my surroundings, but with the melodramatic pressure on my soul, I could not help but realize this significant land around me, the land that looked lost, which is what, attracted me the most...
Just like I was back then.

I am here right now, I look around me, a beach with murderous wonders to be found. I looked once more, and hear the painful echo of the lifeless sea; it has sucked out the souls of nearby creatures, my soul, as if it was a forever-hungering beast, relentlessly pounding the beach with no regrets. The sand between my toes felt dead, lusting for the warmth of the Sun.
This beach was lifeless. So was she.

I'd walk on lava but I'm already burning. I'd dive into glass shards but I'm already bleeding. I’d be a detective, but I’m the crime.
One glance. That’s all it takes every time.
A shiver, an army of a thousand shivers travels through every nerve in my fragile body. A heavy blanket of bleak emotion surrounds me. All my memories came at once and then disappeared, it was like an electric shock, startles you and goes. The feeling of coldness overtook me. The cold had frozen the hands that were dangerous, the hands that had sinned. Purgatory awaited me because of them.
I had committed a crime out of pure anger and jealousy. What type of person was I? To do such awful things to such nice people; I just wanted attention, get me? But no, I didn’t want attention in such a form of hate- I wanted love. I wanted the one I cherished and cared for the most in this world, to realize it. I didn’t want her in my life, stealing all his love; I too gave him what he deserved. SHE was the one who didn’t stay by his side when he was crying. SHE was the one who caused him to cry, but no, he still loved her not me. I didn’t do nothing.
NOTHING.
So you understand why I killed her, right? That’s right, I killed her. Get that line in your head.
I. Killed. Her.
I’m not the only one who committed a crime, she stole him of me.
She was nothing but a battle to me. I was only fighting for love; I only survived, to be loved. But I got stabbed in the back. She might be dead, but my conscience isn’t.

Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give an arm for? That’s all I wanted to do, show my love.

Why didn’t I see this? All I did was hurt the one I love. I was selfish, careless. I did not think about the consequences. Every single second I made him smile was pointless, resulting to misery and hate. Why did that icy hand of his clutch this heart of mine? Why did he rip my heart out and tear it to pieces?
Love and Hate.
Two four letter words; four plus four equals eight, eight rhymes with hate, and you can’t truly hate someone without loving them first. That’s what I believe…
I went back to reality, the sounds of the waves did not calm me, but the churning made me want to puke, spew my insides out, turn and grumble in pain. Is the girl that lay in front of me, the person he truly loved?
I kicked the enemy in fury. Screaming for her to wake up…She wouldn’t.
She still looked pretty, even though she laid their lifeless. Her pale white face was shining in the moonlight that now took over the sky. Black thick angel curls, drowning in a crimson pool, arms resting on her stomach. She looked peaceful like she was sleeping….the angel of darkness is what I saw, but despite the darkness, all he saw was the Angel. Her glistering green eyes were staring at me. However, it wasn’t hate in her glance, it was affection, and she was telling me to not worry, telling me she understood, saying she forgave me.
I didn’t want her forgiveness, I wanted his.
The one I loved.
For ever and always.
Love, a four letter word.
Hate, also, a four letter word.
Envy.

October.


September.


August.