Drybananna's Blog

It is early in the morning, Kirky has just left. There is now an empty spot where my heart should be. The French are keeping her until Sunday, we don't know what their intentions are yet. Those bastards!

Everyone seems to be getting Kirky Withdrawal within hours..
AND I KEEP HEARING A GOD DAMN SQUEAK NOISE. THE HELL. Not a hamster type of squeak though.. Sorry Maireid.




I woke up at an odd time today, probably another symptom of Kirky Withdrawal. The French seem to be holding up strong, it's been quiet for a while now.. I have reason to believe that they are planning a surprise attack. My trench feels like it's getting smaller and smaller.. My comrades hold strong though. We seldom get very far from the line. The French have us pinned and packed tight like sheep.

Aproximately 6 AM, Urjuan has become ill, slowly dying. Kirky Withdrawal is much more dangerous than we had thought. Im trying to keep her well, but I don't know how much longer either of us can withstand. Luckily, we can use the buckets she is crying to our advantage.

4:19 PM, Orby just died. She exploded, a terrible death. Terrible.




I was awaken today abruptly by Shauney. It seems lack of sexual contact has left her but a lonely Scot. I was not complaining. FD

Our battalion is getting weak. The thought of only TWO more days is the only thing that is keeping us alive. The sound of "SACRE BLEU!" is becoming all too common as we barricade our way through France.

Christ Faggot, our Italian cook, has lost his limbs and now must learn to cook with his penis. We are all supporting him as best we can. It's sad he doesn't know we're actually planning to use him as a decoy and put him out of his little Italian misery. Alas, that is war for you!

5 AM sharp, Sophie has given commands for me, Shauney, Amaya, and Ava to advance.




As me, Shauney, Amaya, and Ava make our way through the SPLINTERING COLD we discover something.. There is a spy amongst us. >.> Surely it was not Shauney.. We had fucked any secrets that could have been hiding. Literally. That, of course, left Amaya and Ava.. Im not going to point any fingers, but after some more hott-French-war sex me and Shauney were coming closer and closer to the culprit.. ! I am a detective, afterall.

How did I know there was a spy, you say? Little Hispanic intuition.

9:15 PM. Well, I was minding my own business, taking orders from Sophie and occasionally saying hello to the lovely pink whip, when I discovered who the dirty mongrel spy was..

DUN DUN DUN ALKFDSLFJSDJ

It was none other than Ava! So we got high and solved this in a sophisticated manner. All was well. Day four was over and done before I knew it.

I tripped over my feet and slammed the left side of my head against the wall (LoL), and my earring fucking raped my ear.. IT FUCKING HURTS. FUCKING OW.

That is all.

Warning: This post contains language and dramatized situations not suitable for children. Viewers discretion is advised. Oh. And its fucking long for no reason.

Chap. 1

Alright, so I invited about 4 of my friends over to go canoeing with me. Sounds nice so far, right? Ahem..so I put a silly little sailor hat, get my oars and life jacket and im ready to lead this motherfucking party! We step in the water, start pushing the cannoe out and WOAH its like..cold. Pshh thats ok..we dont mind..we are motherfucking canoers.

SO, as the story continues..I, like I said, am the leader (I know how to pump up a crowd..yeah Jacquie doesnt do the rowing). Me and three of my girl friends plus my sister and I are in one canoe, and my dude friend I invited along is in the Kayak. So we are pushin along, im leading my crew in a few light hearted and totally improvised in the moment songs I made up; of course about Mr. Kayak man. These were not happy songs, oh no. These were more of friendly competetive songs aimed towards Mr. Macho Kayak man.

My songs of "YOU SUCK" didnt go down well with Mr. Kayak Man ...he, although way ahead of us, turned his little kayak around and rammed us fullspeed a new one. Oh dear lord! My crew was falling apart right before my eyes I had to think quick! The boat was a-rockin due to the frantic panic of my dear crew. Alas..I couldnt salvage them it was too late...THE CANOE STARTED SINKING BELLY UP LIKE THE TITANIC! Bastard!

Chap. 2

It was only till then that I realized..that it was at least a solid 60 degrees in the water and 70 degrees above..you may be muttering to yourself "Psshh..60 degrees? Thats not that cold you big baby" And youre only half right..we prefer to be called "Pansy Floridians", thank you very much. But moving on..60 degree water truly feels like 30 degrees in that situation ! Plus your body temperature is like 98 degrees..a 30 degree drop within seconds isnt exactly fun no matter who you are ! Anyways though, we were a good 100 yards (lololol all that and only 100 yards) away from the nearest dock. We were too cold to flip the canoe back over..so I did the captainly thing and PADDLED MY ASS AND JUMPED ON THAT MOFO FOR MYSELF! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF MAN! checked to see if my poor damp crew was alright.. Then..climbed up on that capsized canoe like a quick fucker..you know..for strategic measures and what not <__<!

Anyways, Ill save you the details since Ive drawn this out long enough. Basically in a nutshell Mr. Macho Kayak man ended up being our savoir..pulling all our asses 100 yards to dock with the canoe dragging behind him ! It took probably 10 minutes..but at last we were saved we all took a wonderful orgy shower together afterwards and everyone lived happily ever after.....in the shower.

•Moral of the story: Jacquie should not go cannoeing let alone be left in charge as captain ! Oh.. and orgy showers truly do fix all tragedies.•

Yay for long drawn out stories that could have been shortened to two sentences. >__> I like writing an over dramatic novel.

So, as some might know, I have an Anxiety Disorder.. Followed by a bunch of phobias. Slight phobia of water happens to be one of them. Yes, I know.. What the hell? A surfer who is afraid of water? I don't know how it happened either.

5 of my friends come to my house to go on my canoe, because we decide it sounded fun even though none of us have any experience with them. This is originally a 3 seat canoe, mind you, we were stupid and put 4 people on it, plus me, plus my sister, so SIX people on it. DOUBLE what it should be. If it wasn't for Rachel going, I would say "HELL NO!", straight up. My other friend went on our kayak, and thank the lord he did, because later on, we needed him lmao. All friends are girls except the one on the kayak (orgy on the canoe, right? OH YEAH).

We all get into the canoe, the water was FREEZING, and get our seating arrangements. Rachel proposed that me and her sit in the middle seat and that I sit on her lap. I, of course, had no problem with this idea. We seriously spent about 20 minutes getting no where due to our lack of SMART CREW PEOPLE who don't know HOW TO USE OARS. Though, I shouldn't be talking considering I was just in my own little world not helping at all in Rachel's humble lap.. Being told that she wishes I was a hott guy. Oh.. Thanks.

We were like 100 yards out (yeah, we actually got it going.. FUCKYEAHBITCH) when Robert, the only guy friend in the Kayak I was talking about, decided it'd be funny if he rammed us with his speeding fast kayak onto our super slow, overly heavy canoe. Bad idea because the whole thing capsized straight down like the titanic.. Luckily, I was the only smart one wearing a life jacket (or the only water-phobiatized one really haha, oh Im such a loser with my life jacket). Oh my lord, I could not breathe for the first minute it was so cold. I immediately panicked and went into shock. We kept swimming our asses off trying to get to land, but we were getting absolutely NO WHERE. Thinking that we would be stranded in the water forever and die (yes, I am so optimistic), I happened to be really scared, because I happen to be a baby. So finally Robert, with his big guns, takes us all back two at a time and we salvage the canoe too. I was first to be saved, oh ho ho.

After that, I got to have yet ANOTHER hot shower with Rachel. Fully clothed shower. Again. Oh yeah.
For those who don't know, IF YOU HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THESE BEFORE IT'S AMAZING. AMAZING. Fun.

But I am alive.. Aren't you guys so happy I lived? I mean, how would you live without me? :D

What I wanted:
Highlighted tips on my lower layer, nothing more.

What she gave me:
Highlighted the whole lower layer and then hightlighted 3/4 the rest of my hair.. What? I hate it when they go off an do their own thing.. Then say "OMG YOU LOOK SO CUUUTE." no, I don't, I hate it. I don't want to be blonde, ughh. T-T

It's NOT not even EVEN. WTF.

I mean, I kind of understand why.. Since her dog just died (right after the first one died a month ago) and she was crying too damn much to see anything anyway, then her bf calls her and says he's going to the animal shelter to get a new puppy.. So she tells him to "WAIT, WAIT! Don't go without me, Im almost done with my last patient." First off, she really wasn't.. Second off, fuck. Reschedule if you are a crying mess that can't follow directions.

Maaan.. Redoing it. I just don't know when.. Gotta go to school like this too. FUUUUUUCK. So pissed at so many things atm, this is just added to my list.

Might post pics of how fucking gay it is. & then pics of what I wanted. I EVEN BROUGHT HER THE PICS OF WHAT I WANTED AND SHOWED HER. WTFFFF. Okay, sorry, Im done bitching.


Aight, this is what I wanted it to look like:


just the lower layer tips, y'know. Highlighted only there. Leave the rest of my hair alone.

Idk why she streaked my hair and made it so blond.. Once I get a better pic of how gay it looks, I'll post it.