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I just watched Green Green, an ecchi harem anime from 2003 by (the probably now defunct) Studio Matrix. For the blessedly uninitiated, Green Green is about this kid named Yusuke, who goes to an all-boys boarding school in the mountains. One day, the school suddenly becomes co-ed and a whole bunch of girls arrive, making all the boys super horny. One of these girls (Chitose) recognises Yusuke, saying that the two of them are destined to be together, but he doesn't have his memory back yet. So she sticks around him, sticks around him like glue and sort-of proclaims herself his girlfriend. I don't know where exactly it goes because I couldn't bear to watch past episode 4.



Why did I even get that far, you ask? Because, I kid you not, on the 20th August I had a dream about an anime called Green Green. It was like this combination of shounen action, magical girls and hentai where all the characters were super-badasses and DTF 24/7. I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen in my life. When I was telling a friend about this, I looked up the name for fun and HOLY SHIT there's actually an anime out there called Green Green, and it's an ecchi! The sequel OVA is even hentai (which we'll get back to later)! So I sat there laughing through Discord with my friend as I officially declared myself a porn psychic. (sorry Muneeb) I feel it must be divine retribution that the real Green Green is one of the worst, most offensive shows I've seen in years. But I'd dreamt about it (sort of) so I was determined to see it through.

Well...

Okay, this is the bit where I have to talk about a certain trio of characters, collectively named the Baka Trio and they are the sole reason I couldn't enjoy this show. They're meant to be the comedy characters. The funny perverts who are always getting up to their usual pervy hijinks. Except... they're pretty much rapists. In just the first four episodes alone, their actions go out of comedy and into the realm of sexual assault really fucking fast. Like, in episode 3, they corner Futaba behind the school and forcibly take her shirt and bra off, intending to cover her tits in ink and take a boob print (all while she's screaming might I add) and they actually succeed in getting her stripped before the squad shows up and saves her. BTW, this is also the only time in the show (as far as I watched at least) where you get to see a nipple, so this scene was obviously designed to be titillating right? But, like, this is literally sexual assault. These guys are rapists, and they never get their proper comeuppance.

We're not done by the way.

In episode 4, the one that got me to drop the show, two of them sneak into the girl's dormitory in the middle of the night, while they're all asleep, intending to do god knows what. The tall one finds the girl he's been obsessed with calling his little sister and (he has this eating fetish, right) he eats a bowl of rice over her creepily, and then just goes to sleep spooning her, trying not to wake her up! The fat one meanwhile is in another girl's room, playing with her hung-up underwear when he accidentally wakes her up. He quickly tries to apologies when she straight up agrees to fuck him, right then and there! He's fucking rewarded for sneaking into a girl's room while she's asleep and playing with her underwear! Both of these scenes are full-on disgusting to me and I'm saying this as someone who's never experienced sexual assault. Imagine what it must feel like for someone who has.

Also, can you tell this was written by men? Like, really creepy, incel men? Possible rapists? I dunno.



So far I've written two full paragraphs about the three rapists who are our main supporting cast, but what about the rest of the show? Well, Chitose is annoying and I hate her dynamic with Yusuke. I feel like if I was writing this show I would have Yusuke come clean and say he wants nothing to do with her. Even if her memory loss story does turn out to be true, none of what she's saying should apply to the current Yusuke, she should treat him like a different person all-together, so Yusuke can pursue his mutual relationship with Futaba. I read some vague spoilers about the ending and apparently this does sort-of happen. Yusuke ends up with Futaba and Chitose leaves the universe or something. That would be cool, but I don't want to sit through 12 episodes of annoying character interactions and repeated sexual assault to get there. So I dropped the series at episode 4.



However, because I'm a 19-year-old with no girlfriend, I decided to watch the hentai sequel anyway. Almost immediately I started skipping straight to the sex scenes because I could not bare to watch the rape trio for even a minute. The sex scenes are okay. They're entirely softcore though. there's a big pixelation filter over Yusuke's dick and you never see a vagina, just boobs. They are actually having sex though, I'll give them that much. Although the first one is in Yusuke's dreams because it was with, like, the ghost of Chitose. She was trying to give him relationship advice about Futaba... while fucking him in his dreams. Kinda... sending mixed messages there Chitose. The second one is with Futaba and does take place in reality. Funnily enough, I probably like this way more than the main show because at least the sex is consensual this time! Even though I technically finished it, I'm still putting it dropped just to keep the set together.



So... yeah. I can now officially say that my own dreams want me to suffer and that if you like Green Green unironically then you are a fucking creep, please do not communicate with me. Fuck off.