F-Zero: Falcon Densetsu

Synopsis

Lucy is looking over footage from last year's Ladies Race - Jody Summer vs. Lisa Brilliant! Kate Alen vs. Mrs. Arrow! - and explaining it to Rick, who's confounded by the very idea of an F-Zero race just for women. It only occurs once a year, but whoever wins is crowned Miss Galaxy, a most glamourous title! Jody won it last year, but Lucy's got her sights on it this time.

The Ladies Race doesn't go ignored in Dark Million's space base - Black Shadow doesn't even need to ask Miss Killer to participate, she's already got it in her schedule. If she wins, her master declares he would be happy to leave Mute City in her capable hands, a remark that really rankles Zoda.

Even at the Falcon House the Ladies Race is on everybody's lips! Being crowned Miss Galaxy is a title most girls could only dream of, and Clank and Jack are smitten with the thought of all the lovely ladies taking part. Burt reminds them just because they're women the race is going to be easy - they're just as nasty as a regular F-Zero race, if not nastier.

Mrs. Arrow finishes up some practicing with the help of her husband, who's a little put-out at the thought of the big race. Super Arrow fears if she's crowned Miss Galaxy, he'll be too insignifcant to garner her affections. That's hogwash, she says, and the two reaffirm their love for each other...but Zukk squawks in surprise--and the two find themselves surrounded by a group of Death Soldiers!

This is no one-off incident. Kate Alen silently vanishes after one of her performances, and Lisa Brilliant's space pirate ship, the Excellent Queen, comes under attack from a Dark Million battle station.

Kate's manager, Gordon, comes to the Galaxy Mobile Platoon about her vanishing, sharing his grief with super fan John Tanaka. What's most confusing of all is that no ransom demands have been sent. Dr. Stewart informs Rick and Jack that whoever's performing these kidnappings must have their sights on Jody and Lucy, so the two of them will have to act as bodyguards. But dudes can't join the Ladies Race! Lucy has just the answer: Crossdressing!

In a Dark Million holding cell, Lisa Brilliant is thrown in among the other prisoners: Kate Allen, Mrs. Arrow and Super Arrow. Miss Killer delights in getting rid of her competition, but Zoda isn't far away with a snide remark, laughing that she can't even win without cheating. Miss Killer reminds him she'll be his superior soon - he might want to be nicer to her.

The Platoon board their spaceship, the Galaxy Runner, on their way to the Ladies Race on Beach Star when Jody finally sees her bodyguards. You can think Dr. Stewart for the re-tailoring. (EAD won't be assisting, sadly)

Rick and Jack investigate the garage, trying to keep an eye out for any suspicious figures (and keep their eyes off the female mechanics) when a screen displays one of the participating racers: Miss Killer!

Not far away, the Platoon aren't the only ones pulling this charade: Zoda has entered Octoman and Bio Rex into the race to prevent Miss Killer from winning, each in their own ill-fitting dress.

Unfortunately, the four outsiders bump into each other, surprised their rivals are participating and they begin criticizing each others' attire, attracting the attention of the mechanics. They quickly pull high-pitched voices and apologize, hoping they weren't sassed out.

Lucy and Jody are busy preparing their machines for the upcoming race...when Miss Killer snatches Lucy and holds a knife to her throat! She demands Jody to forfeit the race, otherwise she'll kill the "Useless girl". Lucy argues she's not useless, she's won a race before, back in the Crystal Cup. Miss Killer argues that was pure fluke. Rick and Jack appear with their pistols drawn, but Miss Killer throws Lucy at them and makes her getaway. Jack gives chase, but snaps the heel off his shoes and fails to catch her.

Lucy isn't hurt, but her ego is - that's a low blow, criticizing her victory like that! Octoman and Bio Rex were there to witness Miss Killer's attack, and they're ready to give up - they're not tough enough to stand up to her! Zoda is most displeased when this is reported to him; there's no way he's going to lose rule of Mute City to a cheating dame like Miss Killer!

Meanwhile, Super Arrow is tired of sitting in a jail cell, and puts his super heroics to good use. He grips the doors and begins pulling, successfully sliding them open -- and encountering a mob of robots waiting for him. They pummel him and throw him back inside, Mrs. Arrow eager to attend to her husband.

Kate Alen calls Super Arrow a joke of a man if he can't get them out of a jam like this - the race is due to start at any moment. Lisa Brilliant recognizes Kate Alen and is disgusted she's taking part - why would a famous diva who's already got everything need yet another title under her belt? Mrs. Arrow tells them to cool off, but she gets shouted down. All she does is attend to her husband; she's even worse than that useless dope!

The guards outside are destroyed and the cell door sliced to ribbons - Samurai Goroh to the rescue! He's shocked at what he finds inside - the three women arguing and pulling each others' hair, even going so low as to criticise the dryness of their scalps. This was not what he expected to find.

The women are freed in time to have their machines ready on the starting grid, and there's already feuds brewing before the race begins - Lucy vs. Miss Killer, Kate Alen against Lisa Brilliant. Rick and Jack are intrigued to see how the race pans out.

The race begins and Kate's Super Piranha and Lisa's Panzer Emerald are out in the lead, already banging their machines against each other. Only one of them's gonna make it to the finish line! The Queen Meteor takes after the Moon Shadow, seeking revenge against Miss Killer...but Mrs. Arrow falls off the course following a sharp turn. Lucy vows to pick up where she left off and challenges Miss Killer to a stand-off. The Moon Shadow races off without so much as acknowledging her. "Why do you look down on me?"

If words won't attract her attention, then showing her what she's capable of will! Lucy pulls a plunger in her cockpit, launching panels off of the Elegance Liberty and exposing hidden weapon caches! Jody begs her to obey the rules of the race, but Lucy's gone off the deep end. She launches a cluster of missiles from her machine (Clash is impressed!), all aimed at Miss Killer!

The Moon Shadow narrowly evades the blasts, while Mr. Zero reminds the audience that military warfare is against the rules of F-Zero - Lucy has been disqualified! Kate Alen and Lisa Brilliant are still having a bit of a scrap, but Kate comes out on top, putting the Panzer Emerald out of commission and giving her the lead.

Lisa's not going down without a fight - she summons the Excellent Queen down from space to drop bombs upon the track, eventually launching the Super Piranha off the track. Pirate ships are against the rules! Mr. Zero disqualifies Lisa, but is nearly struck by a missile for his troubles. Rick and Jack are flabbergasted - this isn't a race anymore, this is war!

With four racers out of the equation, the Moon Shadow is now in the lead, but a new machine quickly advances from the rear: it's Zoda! He's taken matters into his own hands, but Miss Killer isn't taking this sitting down. She slows down and gets behind the Death Anchor before boosting, ramming it into the dirt.

Launched out of his machine, Zoda narrowly avoids the incoming racers and is exposed for his trickery: men aren't allowed in the Ladies Race, "even if you look like a girl!" That wasn't his only trick; making a signal with a magical girl gesture, a Dark Million battle station suddenly looms over the race track, raining laser fire on everything below!

This can't keep up! If this madness continues, Mr. Zero will have to announce the race's cancellation! This vexes Miss Killer even more - all her work for naught! The White Cat finally catches up to the Moon Shadow and the two duel for first place, evading laser fire the whole time. Miss Killer tries to get under Jody's skin, calling her too cold and heartless to be a sufficient Miss Galaxy.

She shows no response, but Jody has a retort lined up. Pressing a few buttons on her transmitter, the Galaxy Runner begins transforming and reconfiguring its hull, unleashing an enormous cannon! She equips the appropriate eye protection gear and unleashes the storm.

The blast and its shockwave knocks the Moon Shadow clear off the course...and disintegrates what's left of the track. Mr. Zero gets the heck out of dodge, declaring the race officially over, and the stadium pulls out.

"The conflict between women is brutal," Burt informs Clank. "You understand now?"

The Platoon depart on the Galaxy Runner, while Lucy and Jody reflect on the race. It wasn't fair - Jody had that race in the bag before they cancelled it. The two are undeterred, and vow to try even harder come next year's race. The men are taken aback - there's going to be another race?! "God help us."

(Source: F-Zero Wiki)