In our schools, children are given a huge number of homework assignments from first grade onwards. Homework is done as a family.Mothers come home from work in the evening and, instead of relaxing, enjoying the company of their loved ones, go and do homework with their children. Of course it is better to hire a
tutor who has good reviews, then the mother will have a chance to rest.Parents reminisce about their school knowledge. And teachers and principals proudly declare how grateful they are to parents for their help in school life...But is it right, when at school there is not one child, but his parents and grandparents together with him?
Why do parents do lessons with their child?
Once I conducted a survey: should parents help their children with homework? And the majority answered that no, parents have already taught themselves, now children have to do everything themselves.But the reality is different. Most parents do their children's homework. Even if in public they play a different role.Parents want their child to be successful. And in our society there is still a strong connection "good at school = a successful life". And so they help their child "not to move out" in school.
Let's look at why this happens. Why do parents help their children learn?
- Fear of not being like everyone else, and everyone else does well in school.
- Fear of being a bad parent.
- Fear of being judged by loved ones, others.
- Fear that the child will fail.
As we can see, fear is at the heart of everything. And the fear is not of the child, but of the mother.So the mother feels fear. That's her feeling. She's the one who's making the scary cause-and-effect connections in her head. That's her problem.But mum doesn't think about it. She just doesn't analyse or think about it. She is driven by fear - she goes and does something to help put that feeling of fear aside for a while.The mother doesn't necessarily sit down next to the child and do her homework. Her help can be different: she supervises his homework, she talks to the teachers, she takes an active part in the child's schooling process.
So, what we see:
Reason - fear.
Action - active participation in her child's school life.
The activities are not related to the real reason. No matter how actively mum helps her child, the fear will still plague her. It will temporarily diminish, and then reappear.
Because the real reason a mother helps her child to learn is her fear. And it is her fear that needs to be dealt with. Unless the mother understands why she acts this way, she will not be able to build her child's independence, responsibility and self-confidence. And as an adult, her child will have a huge bouquet of limiting beliefs, fears and worries.
That's why parents say to their adult children, "I've given you my whole life, and you?"Why should you not interfere with your child's studies?
What are the real consequences for a child when the mother really wants to help him:
- Insecurity;
- Dependence on other people's opinions;
- Fear of making mistakes;
- Fear of starting something new.
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