+Crisp Character designs
+Clear Animation
+Nice Soundtrack
Cons
-Unrealistic
-BL dialogue
-Uninspired storyline
-Lackluster protagonist
-Melodramatic
Kuroko no basuke, is a popular basketball manga/anime that strives to be successful as Slam Dunk but falls flat on its non-proverbial ass (this is a big ass grotesque anime) many times along the way. Kuroko no basuke is an anime about a group of basketball players called the generation of Miracles. This legendary densetsu group won all the Japanese junior high basketball championships. In particular the anime concerns the actions of the titular character Kuroko and his transition to seirin high school, his new team and their aspirations for national championship status.
Story 7/10
You would think from what I said earlier the story for this show would be simple. WRONG! You couldn’t have a more convoluted mess of a sports anime if you tried (well maybe POT). I watched 25 episodes of it and I’m still confused what the story is. Somehow I think I grasp the gist of it. Our main character wants to prove to the generation of miracles that they were wrong for winning by…you guessed it , winning. This makes about as much sense as someone saying drugs are bad then injects morphine into their selves while someone rams meth crystals up their anus. Along the way our charismatic main character squares off against many of his old friends and former teammates. At this point many of you who are still reading this review are probably wondering, “but hey what’s the deal Daimyo? Why is this animu so popular?” Well that’s easy to answer guys. While what I described earlier makes for a pretty generic anime, it’s unrealistic as silicon breast implants. Each character of the generation of miracles and even our shitty little kuroko has moves or preforms plays that make the NBA, at best, seem like a league of amateur players with shaky night cameras. There are characters who can shoot consecutive three pointers from their own goal territory, can instantly copy any move, and one who can shoot a ball at will from behind the back board. This is a generation of bullshit. What makes it worse is the dialogue that sounds like a yaoi soap opera. Here’s an excerpt of the show’s dialogue from episode 5 to illustrate my point. Kise:“First you turned me down then we lost today’s game, everything is going wrong in my life now“ Kuroko: “I felt we lacked something…I still I don’t what’s wrong with it…all I know is that I hated basketball at this time…that’s why I was so impressed with kagami” Kise: “Someday you and Kagami will part ways” It got to the point I thought Kagami and Kuroko were lovers the way they kept talking about one another. The show is so BL oriented that in episode 12 during the half time of the serein vs. (insert team name here) game Midorima takes time to file his nails. Seriously who the hell does that during a sports match, let alone a basketball game. I almost half expected for Aomine during his matchup against seirin to explain his reason for being late as the result of him getting a pedicure.
Characters 7/10
That being said, there are only like 4 or 5 characters you should even consider caring about throughout the course of this series. First off is our main character, Kuroko. He’s the type of guy who just oozes charisma, the type of guy who can get a girl’s panties wet just by staring at her, and ugh you know he’s really badass. Sorry I lied, he’s a no good pussyface, pale, soft spoken, jacks off in a dark room dipshit. They said he was the generation of miracles’ sixth man, but they lied, this little pussy is no man. He was their shota. He apparently has this ability called “who gives a fuck”. It involves no one giving two shits about him only to have suddenly appear before them much to their chagrin. He doesn’t speak much, but when he does talk it’s usually to proclaim his love for his boyfriend Kagami or to up the dramatic ante. He’s the uke in this relationship as you’ll see even he agrees he needs a strong man to draw the best out of him. The next one up is Sakuragi Hanachimi….err I mean Kagami. This red haired all personality punk is the true one the story mostly revolves around. Returning from the U.S. he finds himself bored with the Japanese level of basketball until he meets Kuroko where he soon finds out that American players are chumps and Japanese people are the ultimate basketball players. His dominant never say die attitude make him the uke. Now I know what you’re thinking, “gee Daimyo you must be some sort of yaoi connoisseur” Who the hell do you think I am? I’m Daimyo and this isn’t mangafox motherfucker there are no connoisseurs here! I just happen to be very skilled at using urban dictionary and receiving texts from yaoi fans who proliferate the internet like the aids virus spreading their terminology and yaoi-ism to a network node near you. Next we have Kise. His ability is being able to copy other people’s moves and modeling and some other bishounen type shit. This next character really makes you question the sanity of the person who made this. Midorimasu, his ability is to be able to score three pointers easily from anywhere on the court. At the half court line? No problem. From his basket? No problem. In the stands while boning your mother? Piece of cake. Who needs Reggie Miller or Ray Allen on your team when you have this guy. Lastly we have Ao fucking mine. I had to add, “fucking” to his name cause that’s what he does. He fucks up the logic of this insane show even more. You ever thought a move was too physically impossible or difficult to preform in a game? Don’t worry, Aomine does atleast 20 such moves every fucking game. This guy can break past 5 defenders in 10 seconds, has a 1 second instant score shot release, can preform a fullcourt sprint and block then switch up and dunk on a fastbreak, and when he pulls up on a shot his back is almost completely parallel to the ground, he then manages to scores and always lands on his feet. This guy wasn’t born out of a vagina, he came out of a basketball net. It got to the point where I was like, “well damn what’s next? Is he going to shoot lasers out of his ballsack?” Also he was Kuroko’s previous boyfriend as he received most of his assists. He has this childhood pink haired bitch friend that used to like Kuroko, but Kuroko must have given him an assist (though I bet they double teamed her) as it appears Aomine is the one tapping that proverbial (word switching yay!) ass.
Enjoyment 8/10
It’s fairly entertaining. Not much more needs to be said but more will be said. As far as entertainment goes it is a lot more entertaining than a Daimyo review (which doesn’t say much).
Overall and Conclusion 7/10
I think what prevents this show being better for me are all the weak aforementioned elements: the corny writing, the unbelievable events and the incredibly dull main character. The matches themselves while entertaining became boring after awhile because seirin would always win in some grandiose over the top way such as scoring a buzzer beating game winner (which even Lebron James himself has only down a handful of times). Maybe I am being too nitpicky as I assume the majority of people who enjoy this show don’t even watch real basketball. Alright, but what about that other basketball series, you know the best selling sports manga of all time and one of the best selling series of all time: Slam Dunk. How does Kuroko stack up to it? It doesn’t. Mostly because Slam dunk ended many years ago, and Kuroko no Basuke is still ongoing. It’s too soon to tell how well Kuroko no Basuke will fare over the years. There are strong indications of growth as apparently this series was among the top selling manga of 2013, and the fact that a sequel currently ongoing anime was produced shows signs of strength. That being said, the overall impact and attachment to characters that Slam Dunk produced trumps most of what Kuroko no Basuke has to offer. Slam Dunk told a raw, cut no corners, realistic take on basketball.
To summarize my too many words review, Kuroko no Basuke is a BL version of Slam Dunk with a few more prominent bitches.
